In my opinion - your first mistake is letting your son live with her sm
Posted By: IC-MT on 2006-12-22
In Reply to: EX in-law problems - need advice
and you having "no say about it". Huh! You are his mother aren't you?
Not trying to be rude, I most certainly would not have any of my kids living with an "ex- anything" and only living with me. 15 and the teens for that matter are very tender ages and need their parents guidance in all aspects of their lives.
I have a 15 year old and 17 year old, both very athletic, and neither would live with a family member or ex-family member just for a sport.
Believe it or not - sports are not everything, but academic achieves are. We are in the hunt for colleges as my 17 y/o is a senior in high school. Guess what, they don't care if they play sports - they want their GPA, rigor of their courses and their grades, as well as SAT scores. Even if a scholarship is offered, in my case, football, they still need to meet requirements.
So, I would re-think the teen's living arrangements if I were his mother.
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- EX in-law problems - need advice
- In my opinion - your first mistake is letting your son live with her sm - IC-MT
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It's not a mistake if you plan on letting him
do that every night. Believe me I know. We've had several dogs over the years and every single time we've given in and let them on the furniture or bed just one time - they take it as a sign that they are welcome there all the time. Now we have 3 LARGE dogs who think they need to sleep in our bed every night. :)
Thank you for letting us
know the child survived. I didn't want to look up the story.
The initial post should have not only put the post in the message but also don't just drop a bomb like that and then walk away.
letting go
I am so excited for your son. What an awesome opportunity.
My daughter is a bit younger and she had an opportunity to go to Central America (which is closer and safer I know) for the summer on a mission trip. I received a LOT of negative feedback from family and friends for letting her go, especially since she is under 16, but she had an opportunity to be part of something bigger than her "what do I wear today" kind of life. She loves God and feels called to the mission field and I am sure this summer was her first of many trips.
I know it will be a real stretch for you as a parent, as it was me, but I had to trust that she belongs to God before me and God could keep her safer than I could. She loved it and grew as a person and as a Christian.
Hope that helps. I will be praying for your family.
Thank you for letting me know - NM
NM
Calling when going somewhere and letting you know
she arrived safely is one thing. Teaching a child that forgetting something once in a while is some horrible thing is another story all together. We ALL, and I do mean ALL, forget things from time to time. I don't care how many lists you make, how organized you are or anything else, we all forget things. It may be a coat, something on our list that we made or somebody's birthday, but we ALL forget things. My children did learn from their mistakes but, once again, not from cruelty, but simply because it was a life lesson. They are both wonderful you adults who work full time jobs and are responsible people. While they had guidelines and rules to follow and knew and reaped the consequences of not following the rules set before them, we did not rule with an iron thumb. We knew they were human and would make mistakes along the way and learn from them. Sorry this was so long, but this type of treatment of children really makes me sad. I wanted my children to know that I loved them more than I wanted to rule them. They still respect me and I talk to both of them several times a week and have a wonderful relationship. 
This is all about forgiveness and letting go
Obviously your husband has some deep hurts and a lot of anger. Forgiveness is the key. I know it's a lot easier said than done but it benefits the person doing the forgiving, not the "forgivee". It doesn't mean he is condoning what was done to him. Maybe the stepfather is doing the best he knows how, who knows. We all have our issues. Your husband does need to work on his anger and not bring the kids into it though. Prayers for your hubby and your family. 
Also if you stay away you are letting him win(sm)
As that seems to be his goal -I would not let him keep me from seeing the rest of my family. However, I also would not want my children exposed to his mouth, so if you cannot stay in a hotel,I would go and visit without your children, which I do sometimes as well. I see my family about twice a year, usually once by myself and once with the kids, at which time we stay in a hotel.
Appreciate your letting us know - mine is scheduled
x
I'm not letting my kids get a real
tattoo. If they decide they want a tattoo, it will have to wait until they're 18 and pay for it themselves. I said they are saving for the airbrush tattoos at the beach. They wear off after about 6 weeks and there's no permanent damage, no needles, just airbrush.
I think sometimes parents don't choose their battles wisely and that causes more problems than the issue itself.
I'm sure he says those things while you're letting
Well...I am always nervous about letting my kids do things like that (sm)
But I usually let them do it. However, it would depend on the parents. I mean if the guy reeks of alcohol - how bad? Do you mean he drinks a beer or two on the weekends or is he a drunk? Will he be driving your son in a car or boat? If so, I would not be comfortable with that. I have said no at times if I am uncomfortable for a reason, but I always have to think it through and see if there is real danger or if I am just being me - a worry wart. I would find out if that dad is going, if he will be driving the car, if he will be driving a boat, etc. and make my decision from that.
Letting person finish sentence
My hubs has called it to my attention several times that I do this to him. I really love, admire and cherish him and I am glad he has not given up on me like some of the above state. It is not done intentionally but I think sometime he sorta stammers and huh, huh it 1 time too much and then here I rush in. Oh, well I am an Aries and I want things done yesterday!
hold on....letting adults paddle my kid?
nm
I am not letting my young teen marry an old man.
x
I agree with letting him go...if there are no children involved (sm)
and you are still young, get out now while you can. Don't wait like I did. I was married to someone very similar for 15 years and finally separated, but now I am older and I have two children who rely on me. I would much rather have left him early on, found someone new, and have children with a stable home.
MISTAKE
I posted my reply to this in the wrong place and to the wrong person and I apologized to that person, who does not seem to want to accept my apology. I am also sorry from leading off the topic. The person who posted the message obviously wanted some feedback on her question and it has gone into something else. I have no reason to hide my name because I have not said anything that I am ashamed of or want to hide from. Sorry for not knowing the culture. On to the next topic...
Regina
I think it would be a mistake.
My MIL did same thing and think she regrets it now. Moved out of this 3 bedroom 2 bath paid for brick home into a trailer with payments. Made absolutely no sense. She never liked the neighborhood for the 35 years she lived here. The minute hubby died she moved. He worked for house not her. Said it was too noisy. It is not. Children playing and riding bikes, which you should hear. No cussing and running around all hours. So funny, real reason is she is Jeh. Wit. and house was located in Santa Claus! Hated it for the name. You are going to have repairs in any home naturally and I know it's like...when it rains it pours (or leaks). But a trailer depreciates in value so quickly. If you rent/buy a place and rent yours out you are still doing repairs. Get a trailer and you still have to have a lot to put it on and utilities for it. Plus you have no control over what type neighbors you have unless you get an adults only lot. I would consider selling and getting an apartment or another house one. That or get motivated and start some home improvement projects! Subtle changes can do wonders for your outlook and the house, should you sell.
Our mistake
for gabbing on a gab board.
Letting a child about Santa isn't lying, sheesh
Telling about Santa isn't lying, it's a rite of childhood for millions of kids, as is the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I see no harm in giving my children hope in something so good as Santa. I don't remember being crushed as a child when I found out about Santa, I only remember the joy of waking up on Christmas morning to a full stocking and the anticipation of waiting for the big guy. We were so poor that I don't know how we ever had a Christmas but somehow there were always gifts from Santa, to me that's what he's about, not lying but believing.
People take really strange things far too literally, takes the fun out of the simple things in my opinion.
A genetic mistake?!?!
I'm sorry that is laughable.
Ever seen an Arabian? A really well bred, not dressed for show, Arabian? THAT is where the Thoroughbred gets a lot of it's build. That is also where they get a lot of their speed. The Thoroughbred breed infact can be traced back to 3 ARABIAN sires. They are far from a genetic mistake. They look beautiful in my eyes and I am an avid horse person, have been all my life, with a strong background with the Arabian horse.
If you are used to looking at the blockier, heavier Quarter horse, then yes, a Thoroughbred may very well look too dainty for it's undertaking. I assure you they aren't.
I made such a big mistake
I got in touch with someone I went out with once, just to say hello. Now he won't leave me alone. I've told him I don't want to see him, that I was just saying hi, and he won't believe me. He acts like we're going to have a relationship and live happily ever after. He called me like 4 times before I ever got home from work, even though I told him what time I would be home. These were weird calls. One of them sounded like somebody else, not him at all.
He's not a whacked out kid, or on drugs (at least not that I know of), he's in his 40's and is a seemingly responsible single parent.
He's called a couple of times, ranting at me about me not answering the phone. He's called a couple of times and hung up. He just won't stop. I had to take my phone off the hook.
I wrote him an email telling him to leave me alone. Maybe he hasn't checked his email tonight, I don't know.
Anyway, this guy is seriously obsessive. He wasn't like this when I knew him before, although he did react rather badly when I broke it off.
I think I'm dealing with a psycho here! I never really knew him very well before, and now I'm hoping I can get out of it without having to get the police involved.
Made a mistake x2
This is the second time that I tried to make a vacation around a big track and field event that DH runs in each year. We left last Friday for St. John New Brunswick. It's not a hot spot place, let me tell ya! We did manage a whale watch which was cool, and a day in Nova Scotia which included a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Then, we moved down to Maine for another 5 days, and we're in the only dull spot in Maine -- Orono. Went to Bangor and spent the day in Acadia today, but I'm actually working from the hotel room now while DH runs in the meet. I don't know why I did this again. I must have been insane. So what am I doing this weekend? Working in a hotel room, and then driving 9 hours for home on Monday. sigh
I don't want to bail them out of their mistake!
ARMs are stupid. If you think about it for 2 seconds you'd know that. Too many people wanted to be Jones's and took the attitude that they'd figure it out in a few years, or sell the house for a profit. Nobody was forced to choose an ARM nor were they forced to buy three times the house they could afford. Now those of us who did not over extend ourselves are supposed to pay for all these "bad investments". What a CROCK!
I had 2 people mistake me for my
mother last Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, they misidentified me from behind. I was quite depressed about that because I always thought my moms backside was a lot larger than mine. I guess not anymore.
Someone putting that many demands on a gift is taking advantage of you, and you are letting them. nm
x
There is really no need to be rude. I made a mistake.
I misread the post. I try to be polite when posting and not get upset with other posters who are not, but your post just really hit me hard. So what if I made a mistake and so what if I use canned chicken. I was trying to be helpful, but apparently that counts for nothing these days. Once again, I apologize for having misread the post. Merry Christmas!
My mistake, I didn't state that I first took sm
him in to the vet and then called him later. I had one cocker and she died 2 years ago and never had seizures. This is the first time I have experienced anything like this on an ongoing basis. My dog when I was younger was deathly ill and that's why she had a seizure then. I've been told by several people that purebreds and small dogs are prone to them, though. Not sure if that is true or not. I am going to get a second look, though, just to be sure. I guess my dogs are like my kids, I worry about them as much as I do the kids.
You know what's sad? A lot of people won't even notice the mistake!
I see that one all the time. And my other pet peeve is 's added to make a noun plural.
Here's one that glared at me when my kids were little and attended a Catholic school. The children were in a big procession walking behind their school banner when I noticed it. The name of the school was Our Lady Help of Christians School.
Yep! The banner was printed as Our Lady Help of Christian's.
Back in the days when nuns were teaching in the schools, someone would have gotten a good whack on the knuckles for that one!
oops, I repeated that last part by mistake..xx
x
Sorry, I wasn't posting to you. Excuse the mistake.
ff
I'm with you - we made the mistake of become friends with neighbors
but after a short while, when i'd get home from my day job, I'd call across the street and invite her (her husband works a LOT) and her kids over to swim with us before I'd fix dinner and then log in for MQ. We'd wait and wait and then she'd never show up. I'd call back over and she'd say the boys were asleep (it was 5:00 in the evening and the boys were 5 at the time - don't think they were asleep). The straw that broke the camel's back for us was the time they invited us all over for dinner. I tried calling her the morning of to see what we needed to bring so I could run to the store. I got no answer so I went across the street and rang the doorbell -no answer. The time came for dinner (the time that SHE designated) so we went across the street and rang the doorbell. I could hear the kids inside but they never came to the door. I was SOOOO mad - and then had to cook dinner for my family at the last minute. Several months later, I was in my front yard gardening and she came across the street with a half-hearted apology after saying that her husband told her to come over there. She admitted they were home and that they just didn't feel like company that night. BURNED me up!! They are welcome to come over swimming or whatever but we no longer invite them - for anything and no longer accept any of their invitations. It's kind of sad actually because our kids are in the same class together this year - weird!!!
I think you are making a mistake and son will eventually resent you for that (sm)
He should at least get a chance and not be held accountable for something someone else did. It is definitely very unfair to him.
You mistake the visible appearance for the inner reality. sm
The old "ball of cells" theory doesn't wash unless you would care to start at 9 months and work your way backward day by day and tell me on what day the line of demarcation is crossed and how you arrive at that conclusion. The process of development is continuous, unbroken, and has only one fate - a human fate. There is no point that you can identify at which the developing embryo becomes "a person".
grammar mistake above, typing while angry again!
Gotta learn to count to 10.
Right, I posted in my 1st comment that the biggest mistake
a cheated-on person can make is to go out and do the same, tit for tat.
Then one loses everything.
Yes, Diana should not have cheated, this made, as you also stated, her position weaker and Charles' stronger and this was the beginning of the end.
Giving up and bringing him to your bed was your biggest mistake -
You are teaching him that you are going to give in to him if he whines a bit. If you will just consistently hold out and not go to him, he will stop it in a few days. I just went through this with my new pekingese. She took about 2 weeks of crate training before she quit whining. I never gave in to her for whatever reason and even if it was time to take her out, I never got her out until she was completely quiet. Now, all I do is tap the box when it is time to go in and she usually goes in completely on her own and she never cries anymore.
Hate making a mistake on my checking account!
I typically write only 1 check a month (for my rent/water) and everything else is paid online or with my ATM/Visa card. I checked my balance this morning and thought, yeh! I can go get a latte! So off I went, spent $3.57 on a coffee and on the way home remembered something -- I wrote a check last week to the DMV for this year's registration/tag and I wasn't sure if it had cleared my bank. Got home, checked my balance and guess what? The outstanding check has NOT cleared and now the balance in my checking account is 1 penny short of clearing that check! Too late to go put in a couple of dollars for it to be posted tonight in case the check comes through 
Y'all keep your fingers crossed with me that the check won't come through tonight, or if it does my bank will be forgiving and not charge me $35 to cover that extra penny I'm short on  That would be some expensive latte!!!
I made a terrible mistake with a man I thought I loved SM
and his marriage truly was rocky, but to make a long story short, I got my guts literally ripped out of me waiting for him, and actually years later long after we broke up she threw him out. She was tired of his running around and just was tied of the marriage. To my surprise, he was in terrible emotional pain and said he thought they could just GO ON AS ALWAYS. I have asked forgiveness more times than I can tell you, because I worked directly with this man and refused any times alone with him, but like you I became so emotionally attached that we took it to a physical relationship. I pray you will do what is right for you, and that is to back off NOW. I was in a triangle and I stood the greatest chance of losing my heart, which I did. Found out later that my wonderful gentleman who made me feel beautiful and truly loved was cheating with another girl who worked for our hospital, only on the second shift. This actually makes me nevous for you because you are totally emotionally invested in this man, and the only thing I see for you is hurt. I am not judging, but I have been there and don't want you to pay the high price that I have paid, both in a broken heart and my reputation with a lot of people.
spanking builds fear that you mistake as respect
A child who has been abandoned by both parents has no trust in anyone. Why do you think spanking is the right way to build trust? We just need to agree to disagree on this issue. I trust the counselor's recommendations more than yours as hers have proven to work. Spanking does not _make_ ALL kids do good. Sigh.
I wrote a $10 check to Wal-Mart and turned in to a $40 mistake so far.
Here is what happened. When you write a check at this Wal-Mart here, they have you sign something and give the check back. I stuck it back in my purse. They are supposed to void. I was cleaning at my purse that day and paying bills at the same time. I wrote a $250 to pay a loan. I really don't know how it happened but I must have torn that one up and sent the $10 voided check to the loan. A week later, i was looking at my acct online. I notice that that $10 I had written to Wal-Mart went through twice. I called the bank and asked why. They said, "oh, it looks like Wal-Mart double dipped." so I was refunded the money. I don't know who refunded the money, was it the bank, Wal-mart, I don't know. Anyway, I became concerned about why that 250 check didn't come in so I called that loan company. They said $10 was credit to my acct. I did not connect the 2 at the time. I thought, 10, I don't write $10 to this acct. The man told me he would look into it incase there was a mistake. He called back the day later and said that was a $10 originally written to Wal-Mart and we cashed it. So I called the bank and told them. They then had me go to wal-mart because they said I owed them $10 back. I go to wal-mart and they say no it is the Telecheck, company they use for this service and they thanked me for trying to clear it up and said Telecheck will be contacting me. So I get a letter in the mail saying I owe $40 plus I am not allowed to write checks anywhere that uses their service until I pay that $40 back.
What scares me is that that check said VOID on it and that other bunch was still able to cash it and get their money, which I think was dishonest of them...also my bank let it go through. Now what if I were to loose a bunch of those type checks and someone cashes it AGAIN. Man I would be out a lot. Do you think any of this is right? TIA.
I do live in Arkansas - my parents live up in Branson so I'm in Missouri quite often!
x
Calling all you animal lovers - live and let live or intervene? - sm
I have a dilemma. I am an animal lover and have something I cannot come to a conclusion about. At a restaurant where I eat lunch every Friday with a friend of mine, I have noticed a young male kitty hanging around outside looking for food. This past week he ran up to my friend and rubbed her legs and quietly meowed. I purposely did not try to pet him because I knew I would get attached and ignored him. Well, ever since then I find myself thinking about him and wanting to rescue him. Meanwhile, I already have 4 inside cats (2 rescues, 2 Maine Coons) and hubby really does not want another cat in the house because a few years ago I promised we would never have more than 4 (had up to 5 at one point previously). I actually have a huge screened deck he could stay on indefinitely because I do not believe in letting cats run loose for their own safety. I could provide plenty of food, a warm place to sleep, and veterinary care. At some point I would even probably work him into our household, but I just cannot do it at the moment. Just not sure I would be doing right by that kitty because I am sure he would be upset and confused for a good while as to where he was and what was going on, but is that better than being hungry and cold? I know there are lots of animal lovers out there. What does everyone think?? 
I'm a live-and-let-live person but had to draw the line
after I found HUGE holes in the walkway between my house and barn. I thought they were just little mice stealing grain, but then I spotted one and it was a HONKIN RAT! My poor olderly cat was out there with me at the time and saw it, and he hissed at it and ran away!
I asked for advice on what to do at a local agricultural board, because I have other animals and didn't want to use poison and conventional traps weren't working. They advised putting a large pale of water out with some seeds floating in it, figuring the rats would go for the seeds and end up drowning. That was a no-go because the water just froze up solid. I wound up reluctantly going with Decon because I just can't have my house destroyed. I haven't had seen any more rats or evidence of them stealing grain, so I'm guessing they have died. The guy at the grain store promised me the rats would not die in the building and stink the joint up, rather they would crawl off and die outside. I don't know if I believe that, as it is still winter here and decomposition would be holding off until it warms up. We'll see, but at least the destruction has been halted.
Good luck and I too say have no mercy, because you just don't need them destroying hour house or causing a spark chewing wires and burnin' the place down. It is war!
 (How un-PC is this emoticon?!)
Make them live outside? This is so funny! Ours live outside, where they WANT to be. sm
Not all dogs want to be in "indoor" dogs, mind you. They have plenty of space to run around and play, fenced, and if they are brought in during bad weather they whine at the back door to go back out! So before you comment on outside dogs, you really need to get your facts straight. Seriously. Not all dogs are made or want to be inside all of the time.
Where do you live?? I live in Atlanta
and have been to the symphony here and definitely no hats- you can never go wrong with black dress/slacks. I like to dress a little more for this but the rules are definitely not prim and proper here.
I come from the old school, but live and let live - sm
Well, I tried "cohabitating" with a boyfriend when I was 22. We dated for a year, and 3 weeks after we moved in together, he went back to his ex-wife. Never again. I've been married 18 years now to the same guy. Guess I lucked out.
I don't think it's right to do in a biblical sense (even felt that way when I moved in with a guy but my young hormones took over my common sense) but it's sad more people aren't married, they choose to just live together without a great commitment. Then again, as my atty (he lives at the end of our street so I see him often when walking the dogs) always says, his father told him it should be $5,000 for a marriage license and free to get divorced.
As far as the children are concerned, well, I think you should be married before you have children but again, live and let live. I just don't like seeing children have to grow up without the other parent if it can be helped.
The NFL network recently interviewed a former NFL player, Warren Sapp. He was asked why we have so many jerks in the NFL like Terrell Owens, Adam Pacman Jones, etc. He said they all shared a common factor - no father or father figure in their lives growing up. He said to look at players who are humble and don't cause trouble - they are the product of a 2 parent household. It's sad to me because it's commonplace now, not the exception to rule, which I think it should be. I graduated high school in 1985 and even back then, a girl in school who got pregnant got sent away "to live with her aunt for a little while". It was a shame to be pregnant and unmarried but it's a sign of the times.
I sometimes wish I could have grown up in the 50s instead of 70s. :-)
My opinion
I think your husband is probably innocent in this case, but knew that some of the staring people might say something to you. There are two big reasons you need to keep your cool: 1) If he really is completely innocent, you don't want to make a big deal out of nothing. 2) If she is trying to get something started up, you need to pretend to be oblivious or you will never find out. He may have told you just to let you know that other women are still attracted to him, kind of an ego boost for himself. I don't think it sounds like anything he intends to pursue - but like the other poster said, you do need to keep an eye on her.
my opinion
She really sounds like a control freak and a person you should avoid. Tell her to find playmates for her son his own age. She has no right to reprimand your son. I knew a mom like this once - she followed her son around constantly since he was a toddler on up, and he actually grew up with mental deficiencies because she was so over-protective. Now he's an outcast. Kids need a little freedom to play and usually they work things out amongst themselves.
I think you should tell your son to stay away from her and her boy and forget about this woman. She sounds like a nightmare !
Wah, wah, wah! So, I have my opinion, so what?
I just can't bring myself to watch a movie where the girl playing Mary got knocked up at only 16 years old by her 19 year old boyfriend. I gave my opinion, you gave yours. There's no need to jump up my butt about it! Sheesh!
Again, everyone has a right to their opinion.
nm
Just my opinion...
A 12-year-old NO, but a 17-year-old I don't see a problem with it. By that age, it gets hard to keep them in a bubble! And I agree with your husband, they hear it in school and on the streets and more often than not in the home. I am just saying it is out there and it is really hard to keep our kids innocent, although I do try as long as I can, too.
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