If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm
Posted By: LMT on 2008-11-22
In Reply to: Here's my problem....sm - blondie_1147
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.
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- Here's my problem....sm - blondie_1147
- If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm - LMT
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My mom divorced him because he was ...sm
cheating with this girlfriend, and he went so far as to get dressed at night and actually go out like a teenager not coming home till midnight or so. He left my mama sitting in the recliner crying many nights. Then knowing she had to get up at 6 am for work he would wake her up to open the door for him cause he lost his key. He was very inconsiderate. That is why she divorced him.
So, since he's divorced twice, do we assume that it
Isn't there such a thing as he divorced the wives? Are you catching my drift? I guess we automatically assume it was "his" fault, and never the woman's? Just a thought. I say just take it slow, but it is so much fun to have that initial spark, and if it continues, then great. 
Unfortunately, when we divorced I was completely sm
out of my mind. It is legal because it states that he has the right to make any decision and can change his mind at any time since he has physical custody. He has been very kind in the past to allow my son to spend the entire summer with us. This will be the first summer in 7 years that we have not seen him. Plus, we send for him throughout the year during holidays and spring breaks. He can do this and can make this decision.
I could get a lawyer and amend the agreement we have, but then it will get so ugly (again) and complicated and I don't ever want to go through that ever again. He still has emotional wounds from our divorce (I've since moved on and remarried), so if he wanted to be ugly he can. What's to say my husband and I hire a lawyer in his state, go to court, and then I end up losing even the right to see my son? That can happen, especially since he has not lived with us ever. Thanks for your suggestion, though.
My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
I was divorced when my girls were 3 and 8. My
oldest daughter tells me that all she could remember was me crying and being upset all the time and how much better it was to have a calm household after we separated. They are now 18 and 13 and seem to be doing fine.
Yes to all your questions. I was divorced at SM
45, after a 27 year marriage from hades. Best thing I ever did. I have never been happier.
I have met the love of my life. The unhappy person now is the woman who had the affair with my ex-husband and is now married to him. Everyone and I mean everyone, believes I came out ahead. That's probably true, considering I got half his money.
Believe me, YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. The best years are ahead of you. I can promise you that.
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
Because not all divorced people hate each other
They had a life together and that is a fact. My ex and I still talk, he and his first ex-wife talked and she and I are friends. They did have kids together and no I was never jealous. He cheated, we went through an ugly divorce - no kids - but had 22+ years together and so now we talk. He was my best friend for a long time and that is the part I missed. Would I marry him again -- no, is there anyting romantic - no but we do talk. So I guess it is something you will have to accept or move on. Not everyone comes out of a divorce bitter enemies. I am closer to my stepchildren than he is as their father.
yes, she and Jerry divorced but remarried....
Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm)
I am in an unhappy marriage, but I am scared to leave. I have insurance through my husband because I am an IC and I have all these fears - what if my job phases out? what if I injure my hands, what if I get sick, how will I take care of my kids. How did you know it was time?? Is it better now>
I've been divorced now for 5 years and have....sm
recently started dating, if you want to call it that. Things seem to be a lot different now when it comes to "relationships." There are 2 men that I am interested in and 1 of these men is more interested in me than the other one. Do I follow my heart or do I follow my head? They both have positives and negatives, as we all do. I just don't want to make a bad decision that I may later regret. I know this is not a lot of info but I have heard "follow your head" and I've also heard "follow your heart, no matter where the road may lead." Help!!!
Parents gettting divorced...sm
My parents are in their fifties and are getting a divorce because my dad is running around. Well she filed for divorce and he would not get out the house. He said until the divorce was final he had the right to stay, which is true actually. She can't force him to leave. At the beginnning of the divorce he agreed to give her the house and 3 acres and he would just take the other additional 7 acres. Well he has been told for months he better be finding a place to live but he refused to even look. He doesn't want to leave the house. Now the papers will be final next week and mama said you are leaving. He says he can't afford to get a place right now. She says well you have been knowing for months you should have planned ahead. She doesn't know what to do. It is like she can't get rid of him. He wants to do what he wants to do and have another woman and go out every night but he wants to live there and says how can you throw me out with nowhere to go. She said well you have had the opportunity to get a place. And he has had the money. She said he just won't get out. She could have him legally evicted and law officials make him leave but what an awful thing to have to do. But he is headset not to leave.
I would have divorced a long time ago....sm
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.
personally, I don't think that has anything to do with why people get divorced...
Marriage and having a family is sharing in the responsibilities of both taking care of the house and the kids...My husband and I both work and we both take care of the house and the kids...that way we have time to spend with our family, not one person doing chores all day, et cetera...JMO
I am a working divorced mother - I consider anyone (sm)
who works and supports their children to be a single parent. I am just saying that my children are my priority, and I cannot be giving my money to some guy. A single woman with plenty of money and no children to think of might not mind, but I do.
IMO definitely depression
I think people get freaked when you say depression because they think of Grapes of Wrath or what our grandparents talk about what they went through. They say "Oh that'll never happen here" - "Gas at $3.00 your nuts, that'll never happen to us". I think that as long as they don't cancel American Idol people don't care. I talk to siblings they have no idea of what's going on in the economy but they know the statistics of all American Idols or Survivors. It's sad. I definitely see a depression coming. First, gas prices are soaring. People can't afford it. If they can't afford it they can't get themselves to work, or they work OT just to pay for gas to get to work (when OT is available). Food prices rising. Reports of food shortages in areas, jobs being shipped overseas. Then the wierd weather patterns I also believe somehow affect the economy. To me I see a major depression hitting us. Also I do read a lot of websites (the kind that my family thinks I'm into conspiracies - that is until they start hearing the same news I'm telling them about, they just hear about it months later and pretend I never told them anything).
depression?
Okay so they say, finally, that we are in a recession. I am thinking that we may be going into another Great Depression. Call me doom and gloom but come on now, look at life. So, my question is to those of you who stock up on stuff. What do you stock up on and how do u do it? I mean, do you go out one day when you grocery shop and just spend a fortune on extra stuff or do you spread it out. Also, those of you that mentioned being stocked up, obvious it limits grocery trips and probably saves some money here and there but if we face a depression, do you think that there will be a huge shortage of food in our grocery stores?
depression
Ladies, help me out. What physical conditions can cause depression or mood swings? For the past few months I have been experiencing bouts of depression that seem to come out of nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks. Within the span of 5 minutes I go from feeling normal and content to feeling like life is completely meaningless and hopeless. This is completely out character for me. I have always had a positive outlook, very even-tempered, and don't even get emotional around my period. The year 2008 was one of the most stressful years of my life and there is still a lot of stress going on so I realize it could indeed be that I have reached my emotional limit, but if there could be a physical cause, I am willing to entertain that as well. Thanks for any insight.
Do you think he could be going through depression maybe? sm
Depression is an illness and it can definitely make you lose motivation or desire for anything. Just a thought.
I wonder if he has depression & if
depression meds would help pull him out of his funk so he could be at least motivated enough to get out & work? I fight depression & don't feel like working, but of course I do it because I have to support myself, but maybe he has a greater degree of depression?
On the other hand, I had a relative like this, and as long as anyone would hand him money, he wouldn't do anything to help himself. When people would cut him off, he'd work a while... My husband & I decided after a while of that that we would feed him when he came over to eat because we always have leftovers anyway, that we would quit handing him money but would never let him go hungry & he was welcome to eat with us anytime he wanted, but that would be the extent of it.
If he already owns a dump truck, he should be able to at least do a job here & there & get by though. I know men who would love to own their own dump truck!
There's no easy answer & I feel for you.
Please talk! Been divorced for a long time
now and I think ignoring things and lack of communication led him to other women and the rest of the story is not important. So many people I have talked to feel that just letting things go without talking let to terminal demise of their marriage. Do something before it escalates. This may have been a perfect opportunity to begin dialog.
Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
Divorced parents college agreement?
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
Depression after surgery
My Daddy went through the same thing after he had heart surgery. He would not go to a psychiatrist or counselor. We spoke with his primary care physician who put him on Paxil which helped tremendously. Ask your PCP or cardiologist if it would be possible to start him on an antidepressant to see if that may make a diffence.
Good luck and take care.
I don't think the depression meds --sm
should be taken in conjunction with pot. Anger and anxiety issues were already present prior to father's death. He may be grieving on some level, as his own psyche will allow, but sounds more like an excuse to me. I have lived with these types in the past. His lack of ambition is probably due to the pot, as well. Thinking of the child, I feel that separation from the source of this frustration would be the best thing for the boy. Counseling rarely works for the spouse, but it would probably benefit you. Go with your gut reaction on this as to what is best. You live with the man, and you know more about him than what you can post here. Trust your instincts. Good luck to you.
Could you be suffering from a depression?
Maybe go to your doctor and ask for an exam regarding your symptoms of being tired and wanting to always eat. Those are signs of depression. Are you on an antidepressant? They certainly have helped me.
Jan
Even postpartum depression.
I had a friend who was not even the same person after she had her second child. She was afraid to go out in public and would field all her calls through her husband and had never done anything like that before. We tried to go out together one day and she made me turn around and take her back home.
It turned out she had postpartum depression and after some time, therapy, understanding friends and short-term medication, she was fine.
Of course, the added stress of the baby's physical problems could easily account for a reason for the depression.
People have told me that one of the best things they appreciate from a friend is a sincere card or letter expressing empathy and concern. They like being able to read the sentiments again whenever they are down. Just a word of caution, always re-read such a letter before sending it to make sure there is no hint of something that could be taken the wrong way.
Recession/depression
I think we are at a "stuck" point, where it could shoot up or fall down into a rescession. I hope to God, it shoots up. I heard gas isn't coming down til after the first of the year (2009)
recession/depression
I think Michigan is already in a recession. It is just sickening to see all the homes that have been foreclosed. Everytime you watch the news or read a paper it is just more people losing their jobs. I don't know how much more people here can take. Hopefully things pick up soon!
PPMD/depression
I have depression. Right before my time, I get terrible. I am taking sertraline (Zoloft) right now all the time. While I was asking my Dr. about this medication she mentioned to me that some woman only take it for PPMD and/or up the dose during that time. I am actually considering going back to her and asking about this because during my time I get irritable and sad still.  I hear ya!!
Best Description of a Depression
I really think the movie "Cinderella Man" gives a good and accurate portrayal of the Great Depression.
depression era music
jazz age
http://dismuke.org/radio/
It sounds like you might have depression.
Maybe you could see a doctor? Talk therapy could help, especially if you work at home and don't get a chance to talk to *adults* much.
If you can't/don't want to see a doc (and you think it could be depression), you could try a supplement called SAMe (can get it at Target). Do some research about it on Google. It has helped some people. It's not too expensive and supposedly it starts working fast so you'd know if it were going to work for you before you spent too much.
With depression you lose either way -- sm
depression pretty much kills sex drive, but so do antidepressants. Still, I prefer to be on the meds.
its better to raise kids in a happy divorced home
Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
Anxiety and depression are two different diagnoses
Sometimes they co-exist, sometimes they don't, sometimes long-term suffering of one will create the other. Some are situational, some are chemical. Family docs now spooning out SSRIs like candy have blurred them into a generic diagnosis with a generic fix, IMO.
While I totally agree re. depression...nm
to poster above who has done a fine job and counsels others on getting money into the bank, the stark reality is that no matter how much $$ one has in the bank, when depression hits - and it will - all that money isn't going to amount to a hill of beans that was covered by the floods in the upper states. The dollar bill has little value now, so when the depression hits none of it will be worth anything. Best stockpile on canned and paper goods (TP will be at a premium, I'm told by financiers) now with that $$ in the bank 'cause that's all you are going to have!
A few suggestions on beating depression.
In the same boat gave good suggestions for the medical care part. I strongly urge you to consider an anti-depressant and/or an anti-anxiety medication. They are not addictive, do not turn you into a zombie and will help you tremendously in every arena, especially work. You could try OTC St John's wort. This did not help my depression (it seems to run in my family and I think mine is hereditary) but I have friends who say it has helped them. It is possible your depression is being aggravated by SAD (seasonal affective disorder).
Make sure you are getting plenty of sleep. If you have trouble with insomnia, another really good natural remedy for that is melatonin. You find it in the vitamin section of the drug store. It is inexpensive and is not habit-forming. There is no set dosage. They come in 1 mg and 3 mg tablets that can be split. Start with the 1 mg and increase by 0.5 mg until you reach your ideal without hangover effect in the a.m. 3 mg is what I typically take, but have taken as much as 4.5. Again, insomnia runs in my family and it is likely your dosage would be less.
Exercise helps with depression A LOT. This does not have to be strenuous or extreme. A 20 to 45 minute walk 3 times a week or more will do WONDERS for you. Biking is great also and in the summer, swimming.
Here's something else I strongly suggest. I know it's a hard one, because I am a mom too. Stop trying to take care of everybody else for the time being and put focus on helping yourself. Find things you enjoy doing that do not cost money and then DO THEM. This can be difficult at first. Take baby steps at first. Make a modest plan for a day off, wake up and PRETEND you are not depressed, then put one foot in front of the other. Read books, watch favorite TV shows, surf the net, window shop, light candles and incense and soak in a hot water tub with soothing bath salts, listen to music, pot plants using cuttings, cook a delicious meal, change your hairstyle, experiment with make-up and new clothing styles (go to stores and try them on), start a journal or do a little research on a new hobby. Sometimes even housework can be therapeutic. Whatever you do, be very kind to yourself and do not beat yourself up if you don't get as much done as you would like. The road back takes time and practice.
Get proactive about your job. Look for work at home with a company with insurance. Make up your mind that you are going to kick this depression, not the other way around.
Only if you've never suffered from depression and
Walk a mile or two in my shoes before you go judging me, or anyone else who's been helped by antidepressants.
Can you get him to the PCP? They can handle this type of depression most times -nm
:-)
Our stories are very, very similar. Due to my severe depression sm
something horrible happened which I cannot speak of here. It is the main reason I found God, so you and I are alike in that matter.
As for God rescuing you like that - that is amazing. I guess we can just agree to disagree on this one. He saved you by showing you meds and saying it's okay to take them, and He healed me from my ailment without meds. Who is to say one is better than the other? That is why the saying goes that God works in mysterious ways!
I am happy for you! Continue to do what you are doing. I am not judging you. I only spoke to NCMT through my own experiences. We all have our own experiences.
either postpartum depression or embarrassed/guilt
I have known people to withdraw due to feeling like people are going to make fun of their child, blaming themselves or postpartum depression. Is this their first child? Could be that she is just simply overwhelmed. What does her mother-in-law/mother think? Is she also pulling away from them?
Just let her know that you are there for her even if that means sending her a card.
POLL: Are we headed for a recession/depression?
Do you think we are headed there or already there. Some people have told me they think it is going to get really bad like during the great depression. opinions?
Depression/Menopause/Decreased Sex Drive
I was wondering if any has any suggestions for increasing a woman's sex drive. I have been on Wellbutrin and trazodone for years and now I am going through menopause on hormone replacement. (I am 47 and had an ovary removed last year which caused me to go into menopause.) The last few years my sex drive has decreased to almost nil. Any suggestions/information would be much appreciated.
Sounds likea control freak and a doormat. Friend of mine just divorced after 23 yrs of being the
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