If you truly "love" someone, do you give up your own happiness for them?
Posted By: Emily Ayn on 2008-12-22
In Reply to:
I know this is where compromise comes in, but say like, if you are in a relationship and your personalities clash... but you love each other... one of you likes to be social and the other wants to stay home and doesn't want to have friends... how do you deal with this? Because if you compromise doesn't it feel like you are just forcing the other person to do what they dont want to do...?
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You said you "love him too much" to tell him sm
how you feel. If you love him that much, you should tell him how you feel before it is too late and he is gone! Maybe you telling him how you feel will help him to get his life back on track. I don't blame you for not wanting to visit. I wouldn't either but for your love for him, he deserves you to tell him. If it were your child in this situation, would you not tell them because you loved them too much? Remember that phrase, tough love?
That is "love your quote" - DUH! LOL
nm
IQ does not equal happiness
I've known other brilliant people who indulged in self-destruction. There have been studies that suggest the smarter you are the less happy you are, and there may be some truth in it.
The first reason for this would be people with attitudes like yours, abc. They hold smart people to the highest standards. They don't allow a genius to be human, but they do have weaknesses. Imagine spending your whole life hearing "If you're so smart how could you, why haven't you....". There is enormous pressure put upon them by others to do something great, to perform mental tricks for the amusement of others, to "prove how smart they are". Some become as insecure about it as beauty queens do about their looks - I remember when I was married to my genius, we watched a show about a child prodigy who could play great compositions at the age of 4. This show upset my ex, I could see it made him jealous and insecure, and nervous that he was not as great as everyone assumed him to be. Just like there's always someone richer, thinner, and better looking, there's always someone smarter too.
Another reason would be lonliness. The smarter you are, the less you have in common with the majority of the population. The things that interest you most people can't even understand. I think one purpose Mensa was created was so that they could find people to talk to on their own level. The pitfall there is most of them are so specialized in their own areas of interest they still don't have anything in common - the gifted musician does not want to discuss quantum theories with the scientist, they can understand it, they just aren't interested in it.
In my ex's case, his substance abuse has three factors - First, he's physically handicapped, and his health has always been a problem. He self medicates with substances to escape the misery of being in his body. Second, he's a classic nerd who never had any friends or a social life. He started abusing substances to try to be one of the cool partying folk, to fit in. All of his current friends abuse substances, but he at least has some friends now, that's how he sees it. Third, the pressure to perform has caused him to give up. He was a computer guru before computers were cool. Once computers were mainstreamed to the general populace, and new software was coming out on a daily basis, he could no longer know "it all". When he reached that crossroads, he panicked, gave up and dove into the bottle to hide from his insecurities.
A high IQ is often just as much a curse as a blessing. I am assuming the reason to abuse substance is pretty universal - the desire to escape reality for a while, then it becomes a habit. If a person doesn't have the courage to deal with reality and change their life, they may choose to destroy it instead.
Intelligence and happiness....sm
Intelligence should ENABLE you to lead a happy life ND solve your problems.
Intelligence does not guarantee happiness.
pleasure versus happiness
Pleasure pertains to the senses. For instance, it is pleasurable to eat something you like. Happiness is a state of being which may or may not involve the senses, as in desires fulfilled. For example, it was a pleasure to eat the chocolate cake. I'd be happy if I could have the pleasure of doing it every day.
""Love Must Be Tough" -- written by (sm)
Dr. James Dobson -- excellent for couples with significant marriage problems -- please read.
Sounds like your husband is seriously involved with "someone else." And, if so, you could never be organized enough or tall/thin enough. His insulting remarks are possibly his outlet to relieve himself of "guilt." Don't give up -- be tough!!
Just another opinion!! May God bless you in your decision-making.
My days are filled with happiness
and not anger. I get out of the house and I unfortunately do not have any roses to smell right now. May be I will buy some. I do lead a pleasant life, and again I am not confused. Again, have a nice day. Over and out.
I love the "love in every knot". sm
My SIL ,makes lots of these. She has given them to my children as well as other as gifts. She also makes them and donates them to our church each year for our Lord's Acre Sale. My mother was in the process of making one for her mother when she passed away. My SIL finished it so we were able to send it to my grandmother. That is just one of the few things my SIL did for me at that very difficult time. My mother had already done most of her Christmas shopping so my SIL got all the gifts and wrappd them for my children and nieces. I could go on and on about what a great SIL she has been to me.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Love Story
My secret to happiness what something my grandma
told me.
My grandparents were opposites. I asked her on their 50th wedding anniversary how they had been able to stay together so long. She told me this:
You can sacrifice things in your life for the person you love and vice versa. But, if the person loves you and is worth loving, they will not require it of you.
I'd recommend seeing the Beatles "Love." Outstanding!
My days are filled with happiness, not anger
and do not dwell on things that happened 13 years ago like some. We were on here talking about 1 thing and when you interject like you did, then the whole subject opened up again. I am sorta you are a confused person. Take a break- get out of the house, smell the roses, lead a pleasant life.
It's not healthy to base your happiness on another person
I'm not trying to be mean or judge, but I just don't understand why women do this. You should never be this "into" a guy, it's just not healthy. You really need to get into counseling or try to fill that void in your life with church/God/Christianity, anything that makes you happy. Find out what makes you happy (in a healthy way) and pursue that. I've been married 10 years to a wonderful man who is honestly my best friend and I would be very sad if our relationship ended, but I wouldn't be devastated and I know that I'm a strong enough woman that I would get through it just fine. To honestly have a healthy relationship, you should be completely happy and whole on your own and you shouldn't need another person to make you feel happy. I pray that you find whatever it is that you're seeking, but trust me, you'll never find it through another person.
That's what this board is for, to share gripes and happiness sm
and whatever else is bothering us. it's nice to see that there are other people out there that bored just like me. there are a lot of pros about working at home, but i have to say, i miss being around people, leaving work at work instead of it staring me in the face all the time. i have two young kids who are in school and they are my main reason for working at home. i want to be there for them when they need me instead of growing up in a daycare.
you're very rude. maybe you need to get out the house a while.
Ladies, would you "love" your DH/SO to wear a skirt?
NEW ORLEANS — A New Orleans man has sued the New Orleans Police Department, claiming he was harassed by an officer who threatened to arrest him for wearing a black pinstriped skirt to municipal court.
Jeremy Don Kerr is asking for $1 in damages, a ruling that his rights were violated, and an order against barring access to public facilities because of gender stereotyping.
The department hasn't been served with the lawsuit and hasn't answered the claim in court.
Kerr filed the civil rights lawsuit last month. He says he finds skirts more comfortable than pants, and wears them with button-down oxfords or T-shirts.
And he says women love it.
Oops, meant above to go under "love of my life" post.
x
I did. I leave all judgments up to the Lord, I take his golden rule to "love thy neighbor as the
to be the supreme rule, try to live by it always. I do not have to condemn, or judge in any way, Jesus is the supreme judge, what is wrong with extending earthly concern, friendhip, and love? Sometimes that works oh so much better when trying to "enlighten' someone than judgment, or hate, or harshness. That is all.
A lot of people are so desperate for work that some will give you free bids and give you ideas while
nm
Happiness is a heart thing; pleasure is a head thing.nm
You do not give them food, you give
the children food but if they did not have the food to eat, probably would call family and children services. I do NOT give away money to anyone.
you should give it a try
what the post said about the wipes. maybe something all natural might also do it that way the baby might not have a reaction to that and its good for the dog also. do some research on the net if you can. its worth it before you give your other "baby" up. let us know what happens. if worse comes to worse, make sure you interview prospects very well just like a baby for adoption. hope the first one works for you :)
We would give a lot of it away, believe it or not. Then, of course, the sm
usual - pay bills, purchase gorgeous home, travel, etc.
We believed that those entrusted and blessed with much should give much. If you keep all that you have you become stagnant - like the Dead Sea. The Dead Sea has absolutely no outlet which is why everything dies that enters it. I don't think we are much different. Give in order to be happy.
Once they give me what I want, they
can do what they like but until then guess we will just have to continue to cut that massive yard. It takes us about 2 hours to get there and then spend time there just to cut. It is an all day thing.
I'm sure they have - they will give her something (or let her out) (sm)
If they let her spoiled brat behind out, I am going to be MAD.
Can't give him away--Nobody else would put up with him!
I have a big kitty (18 lbs) that acts just like that! Pulling on blinds, disturbing our sleep, doing anything and everything to get attention until he gets fed! We love him so much and know that we are the only ones in the world who would put up with him--so we can't give him away! I feed him 3 measured meals a day. Fortunately, I now live in a house with a basement, so I put him down in the basement at nightime with his 3rd meal. He cries and scratches on the door a little bit, but then he gets used to it and goes to sleep. Sometimes I have to put him down in the basement during the daytime too if he starts being too bad while I'm trying to work.
Do you have a bathroom you could put kitty in at night? Just make sure there's not too much in there for him to destroy. That would be more comfortable than a crate.
There was a give away
for me. An ad underneath said something about maze prank.
I'm going to give this a try...sm
These are my "four-legged boys".
then give him a key!!! nm
NM
Give him a big hug from me!!!!...
Whatta joyous day you guys had!  Cat
I'm not sure if I can give the name
legally, so I'll give you some facts -- It is a major department store that changed it's store credit card into a mastercard.
Don't give up on her. PLEASE don't give in to her.
She's 16, and its never too late. I just started reading this thread and my heart is broken. I hope other moms take it to heart after hearing your story. I have 3 teens, so can relate. My husband and I came from permissive families - you know, the cool family with the house where all the kids wanted to hang out? The houses where they could get away with anything, drinking, drugs, smoking, sex, cause the parents looked the other way. My parents were fine, upstanding, snobbish upper crust members of the community, fine church-going folks and rich. And they didn't give a hoot about their kids in the end, though we looked great on paper. I only wish my parents had rules. I was grown up since I was 14. My husband, too - that's how we met and have been together 30+ years now. Our # 1 rule since our own kids were babies... NEVER are they allowed to sleep over anyone's house. Period. No exceptions. Not relatives, not their bestest friend, not their cub scout troop. Need I say that we have never had 1 regret??? There is NO good reason for any kid to sleep anywhere than their own bed at night. Period. We realized when they were little that if we let them do the sleepover thing when they were little, but then stopped when they were older, what kind of a message was that? We knew the sweet little neighbor who at 5 years old demanded her friends sleep over, or else would throw a tantrum, would be 16 one day, and a tramp. Its that simple an equation these days, unfortunately. So, no sleep overs, no exceptions, not for church, especially not for church. LOL. How sick is that? But this is 2008 folks, and this is one messed up world. My kids were upset a bit when they were really young, but we didn't make a big deal of it, nor in the end did they. They are cool, mature teens, and have actually thanked us for it many a time lately. We took the temptation out of their hands - kids are too young to have to go thru this crap. I know, I did. At any rate, of all the rules I would start if I were you, I would go with the knowing where she slept at night, eacn and every night. Otherwise, look what's happened. She has lost this privilege at the very least. Kids don't need to not come home at night. Please don't ever fall for that one again. Even if she is at so-and-so's house, a friend, you must see what kind of kids she is hanging with. Don't allow it, for her sake. She will never ever change unless you do it for her. Praying for you. Be strong. She may hate you now, but she won't a year from now, or two. But at least she'll be alive to forgive you, rather than possibly dead. You know what I mean. Let your husband's European temperament prevail. BE STRICT. Being a strict parent does not kill your kids in the end, honest.
yes! and why do I have to give my
account number, name and address to a phone tree when I will have to do it all over again when I speak to a real person?
Don't give up!
I've been sewing all my life. My grandfather had a Sew N Vac type store when I was a little girl, and he used to have me and some of my other cousins come into the shop and sew during store hours to show customers that it was "so easy, even a child can do it!" I learned to sew before I even went to school! He even had some antique machines with foot pedals that we kids used to play with. I have all sorts of machines, from antique hand-crank Singers to cheap Wal-Mart plastic machines, and high-end Pfaff and Viking sewing machines and sergers.
Check out local sewing and fabric stores for classes. You can also try visiting Meetup.com, which is a really cool place to find all sorts of people who get together to pursue their interests. I don't know where you live, but I checked in my area, and there are several groups for beginning sewing listed. Maybe there are in yours, too.
With that said, I really have to tell you that Singer machines are not the best. Since the company was sold many, many years ago the quality has gone downhill. They are not built to last and have many parts that break very easily. In my experience, a simple mistake in threading some Singers will place a lot of tension on a weak part in the thread line. Something will snap or break, and once it's broken, you can't get the machine to feed thread properly as you sew.
Unfortunately, a really good machine can cost hundreds of dollars, and it's hard for a beginning sewer to make that sort of investment not knowing if it's something they'll be doing for a long while. I always recommend going to a store that deals in higher end machines. (Pfaff happens to be my favorite.) Then ask to try machines or take classes with their display machines. You learn basic sewing techniques and you learn what makes one machine better than another.
I suggest that if your machine is brand new, you return it for a refund. Take some sewing classes first, and try different machines. Then you can make a better, more informed purchase, which in turn, should result in successful and fun sewing!
I'm sorry. You probably didn't want to hear that, but I can't say that I'm a fan of Singer machines. Even if you get it to work, it's likely to fail not long down the road, which will only frustrate you. I'm willing to bet it's the machine and not you.
I just give
the roll a spin and catch the end of the paper. I've never given it a thought as to which way it should go.
Okay, I give up...
What are the mothballs going to do to the cat?
I have had the worst time with this new kitty. We have already tried the hot sauce and he actually likes hot sauce, interestingly enough.
He has absolutely destroyed my tree this year. It looks like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree at this point. (Not really but almost!)
I would give it to him. All of it. NM
x
Here's what I give a lot. s/m
Go to Lowe's or Home Depot and they have house numbers, usually really pretty ceramic ones, that you can "make" with a little wrought iron frame to put the house numbers in that will stick into the ground.
Let me give you an example of something else
You might have come out okay but when my daughter still in middle school, was going to a high school in the afternoons for violin meetings with the teacher and other students. Daughter came home stating how a big girl was trying to trip her, cursing, etc. and the teacher would do nothing about it. As a fly on the wall (along with others there) I attended one afternoon and saw exactly what my daughter said was true. The teacher terrified of this older girl, probably in the 10th or 11th and I went to the office, told them to come down there immediately. A day or so later I was in the office, heard the mother and the child in there together. The girl got 3 days dentention. Lady, this was 1 parent you would never want to follow and talk with/confront. She was as bad if not worse than the child and not the kind that would take to you in any kind of way saying anything to them or their child. You should thank your lucky stars on talking with the guy/son. This happened not lately but over 20 something years ago and the school rowdy then and still same way.
Aside from the give and take
and genetic personality differences, people's minds have been programmed differently due to experiences (and they way the perceive them due to genetics). Because of that we all view, hear, perceive through our own unique filters. (Have you ever noticed even in casual conversation how often other people misunderstand what you are saying?)
It seems that this is pretty much the root of most difficulty in getting along. Many people aren't really aware and go through life reacting to things (that trigger emotions) programmed from childhood. On top of that, people are usually quite unaware of how they affect other people.
We could get into a really lengthy discussion on this, but it would be difficult in writing. : )
Certain couples will have a lot easier time, and likely you are 1/2 of one of them Sally. Bonus!! Just make sure that your husband has the same perspective on the relationship. Sometimes one person thinks everything is glorious, but the other person is just sucking it up all the time.
Not trying to be nasty, but just mentioning that because that actually happens more than one would think.
I think a better promotion of marriage rather than saying you have to work at it, would be to say you need to be aware and care. : )
Can anyone give me the name of the very best
multivitamin on the market? I have tried multivitamins in the past and never noticed a difference, a friend told me that it had to do with what type of multivitamin that I am taking. I truly need something that is going to give me more energy than I have now. Can anyone recommend something please?
TIA!!!
I would give it all up too (except AC).
Everything is so expensive, even to watch TV cost $70 a month. That's just ridiculous.
I would love to sell everything and start over again and go simple. Have the cash to do some fun things instead of having to work all the time to keep the stuff. I would just like to pack up the car and drive cross country and not have to worry about anything.
GIVE ME A BREAK
If she can afford a Cadillac Escalade, then why is she on food stamps? This has nothing to do people who DESERVE the aid given to them in this country via food stamps or anything else. It's about the people who lie and abuse the system and YOU and I PAY for it in our taxes. Open your mind.....not your legs!!
Maybe that ESL could give a class
on "Keeping Your Transcriptionist Happy"! 
of course, most teachers would give a different
story, just as most MTs will tell you that they don't make enough to survive or they are living near poverty, but that's not really true either. Most people would say the same thing about any profession they choose.
Do you think a) they will give me my money or
b) I will have to take furniture out of their store? I bought some furniture, has been over a year ago and never got it, got the runaround, they never returned my money with my asking for the return after several months of no show. I filed a lawsuit, they would not answer, did not show up in court when told to and bottom line now the courts found they do owe me and if they don’t pay me by the 15th of this month (over $700.00) then I get to go with an officer of the court, take a big truck and load up more than what I think is enough to cover what they owe me in the first place. Do you think this is absolutely crazy for a big store to ignore they owe me and do they not care about how it will look if there is a police at their door as we cart off furniture? I would, of course, go on what I would hope to be an extremely busy day for them, say a Saturday. Needless to say when all this is over I will be calling the Better Business Bureau and word of mouth also so that no one else will be caught in their business dealings.
I would give her 2 options
Someone did this to me. I told her there were 2 options if she needed my help this badly. I told her that I do work, just from home so her options were:
1. Since it takes time away from my work, she would need to make up the income lost including transportation costs. Since I make about $20 an hour, she would owe me at least that much each time I had to drive her kid plus a transportation fee of $5 a day (gas and what not).
2. If she didn't want to pay, than she would get to take care of my kids at her house when she was off of work. If that meant she was off at 6, got home at 6:30, and still needed to do what needed to be done at home (dinner, cleaning, spending quality time with her family), she would have my kid with her so that I could work since I had to take time off to help her out. If I had to work at night, she could watch my kid (or just take my kid to work with her if she wanted her nights).
Needless to say, that made her realize that I do, in fact, have a job and she would need to rely on someone else. She wasn't willin to pay $25 a day nor was she willing to give up her nights for my child.
Used to give melatonin to my mom when
she mixed up night and day. She was going blind and she couldn't tell whether it was day or night. She only needed it for 2 weeks and was back on schedule. Her doctor told me about it back in 1996.
Come to think about it, maybe I should get some. I sleep an hour, then wide awake for 1 to 2 hours, then back to sleep for a couple minutes then wide awake again.This goes on all night long.
On second thought, I could just keep the 'puter running all night. Then when I'm awake, I can start working. That always puts me to sleep. 
I'll give it a try
1. How did you feel about your parent(s) being alcoholic? Were you embarrassed?
2. Did you ever try alcohol yourself when you were a kid?
3. (If there were arguments or other disturbances) What did you do when your parents argued? Were you scared?
4. Did you ever have any friends over to your house or were you afraid your parent(s) would embarrass you?
5. Do you drink at all now? If so, are you afraid of becoming an alcoholic?
These are all probably things you have already thought of. I really applaud your willingness to put yourself out there and open yourself up to help these young people. That is a wonderful thing to do!
Why are you not going to give it to your daughter?
I am just curious? I have done very little research on this. My DD is 14 and we have decided to wait at least another year or so and by then who knows.
Give that baby a BIG hug for me
He is adorable.
Awww, give yourself a hug from me.
I cannot imagine what that pain must be like, but my heart goes out to you.
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