If you can't control 'em at home, no way will it be
Posted By: possible anywhere else. Keep 'em home, then. on 2009-01-28
In Reply to: Originally, you said that if your child... - Kendra
Most of us would like to see a movie or go out to dinner in peace, without having other people's little indiscretions trying to eat off of our plates. Keep 'em off airplanes, too, for that matter.
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my Home Depot has 'em. no message inside.
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Anything you think you can avoid by home schooling, not getting birth control, etc
for your children, talking incessantly about all the no-nos associated with premarital sex, etc will more than likely fall on deaf ears when it comes to children. I did live in a really big city and regardless of small or large, the girls are maturing much earlier and a lot involved in sex earlier than we as parents would like to believe. You can give a child talk after talk but restrictions, talking, home schooling, etc only goes so far with growing kids. You cannot protect your kids like you would really like to.
he is feeling out of control and he wants control
and from what you wrote, you aren't giving him opportunities to have some control.
My 4 yo has had this type of behavior since the age of 2-1/2, but I've figured out how to deal with it. First of all, he wants your attention, good, bad, indifferent and wants some say so in what happens to him.
I've done several things. With the screaming, I totally ignore her. I tell her my ears are closed and I can't hear her, but if she wants to cry/scream, she can't do it in MY living room (bedroom, whatever), only in HER bedroom. If she refuses to stay in her room, I take away her favorite snuggly and put it on the top of something, out of reach but visible. She can have it back when she stays in her room and stops being loud. If she keeps coming out, I put another coveted stuff up out of reach, over and over until she realizes I mean she has to stay in her room. I don't tell her she has to stop her fit or crying...she just can't do it in MY space. She can come back to where I am if she is quiet.
I make sure she knows I am in control, but we negotiate almost everything. If I want her to drink milk for breakfast and she wants juice, I tell her okay but she has to drink the milk at lunch. That gives her a sense of control and having a say in what is happening to her.
I have also had to sit on her bed for HOURS, holding her by wrapping my arms around her while she screams and kicks and bites until she begs to be let go. I won't let go until the out of control stuff stops. I don't talk except to say "I'll let you go when you are quiet." It is exhausting, but it only took a few times for her to understand I would invest the time and she hated being held like that for so long.
When I work at home, I make sure I take a break about every 90 mins and spend about 30 mins with her. It takes me all day to get my work done, but it makes all the difference in the world.
If she won't pick up something (say, blocks) after being asked upteen times, I tell her I will give them away to a child who wants to take care of them. It only took losing one set of blocks for her to get the idea she HAS to clean up her messes.
Finally, after being potty trained for at least a month and then rebelling and making messes in her pants for a week in a row (this happened 3 times), I finally told her in a very loud voice that _I_ had control over whether or not she went trick or treating and whether or not Santa comes to our house. If she wanted to have those things, she better use the potty and no more messes. She has been dry since the beginning of October and I give her a treat every day she stays dry.
One day a couple of weeks ago, she wanted to go to Mickie Dee's, but as we drove up she started shouting about wanting to go inside. I wanted to drive through. We were in the drive through line and I calmly told her sometimes people get mad and yell at someone else, but maybe it was an accident...I asked if she wanted to tell me sorry for yelling at me or did she want to go home. She shook her head "no" to apologizing. I repeated my offer and again got "no." I drove off towards home which immediately threw her into tears and whining, but now she doesn't yell at me anymore if she wants something.
Since October we have far fewer melt downs and I have realized she actually shows me her triggers...If she is angry and grumpy on the way home from somewhere, I hand her an energy bar to munch and suddenly I have a sunshine child again. If she gets grumpy in the middle of the day and refuses to take a nap, I tell her we will lie down on my bed. We start out talking and before too long, I tell her I am tired and want to close my eyes, but not go to sleep. Pretty soon, she will close her eyes and fall asleep. I can then get back up and go about my business.
Before somebody starts bashing me, I have a close friend who is a child psychologist and she helped me with all these suggestions. It takes a lot of work to maintain the appearance of control while giving the child the opportunity of having some say so in his/her life.
Cut 'em off.....!!!
We have the same situation here. My husband's stepfather totally cut us off after his biological mother passed away! I still get blamed, of course the wife!!! I was left out of the obituary on purpose! It stinks, and I've gotten past it now, but the stepsister calls with "oh we miss you". This is a bunch of crap! After 3 years, I bet all she misses is the gossip and causing trouble! Cut 'em off! Cut 'em off! Let your children know that sometimes their Daddy is yelling because he feels hurt, and that is his way of "dealing". Sounds like you have a grip anyway on dealing with both your husband and children and that you have a wonderful family right in your own home! The only other option is to "hash it out", but leave the children out of it! Hope this helps.... I don't know if it will or not, but your situation really brought out some "hurt feelings" for me personally... Take care and God Bless. Hope it all works out...
Yes! Geaux get 'em!
Water 'em! (sm)
Hose them down outside, put them in the shower, or leave them out in the rain.
Only other option get rid of 'em. Which would cat
x
Tell 'em siser...
So when they get tired of being fluffy, they come here, rouse things up, and then go back and report that this board is childish, but of course that's the pot calling the kettle black now isn't?????? 
I actually would rather be here as there are a lot of different topics and you don't get bashed by the moderator because you feel a certain way! Go moderators!! Keep up the good work here on Stars... Sometimes ya' just want to vent and not have SS up your tailend with e-mails that make absolutely no sense!!!!
The funny part is instead of them calling themselves miserable, they come over, copy paste and then make a thread out of a borrowed post from here... 
Well, I enjoyed 'em
Doubt I'd have the guts to buy most of them, even if I could afford it. They are fun and certainly a conversation piece - if I had a business with a lobby, I'd go for at least one just to be memorable.
maybe husband just likes 'em
however, not my cuppa tea....
Nah. Just let 'em prop on my belly. LOL
Nah...I just tuck 'em into my socks...
Where? I wanna go pick 'em myself.
Ponchatoula?
Give 'em a shower! sm
I spray mine with 409, let it sit for about 10 minutes and then shower it off. Or, I stick them out in a down pour and they get nice and clean.
We hate 'em all. - LOL - Luv Phyllis
nm
Tell 'em you're going to SELL them to the
niece and restaurant -- are those right? can't get 'em
just hate that. i've added those to my Expander so they correct themselves... i know there's more ...
Stores are trying to make 'em get their
Gotta give 'em credit though, ya' know...
Not many people would take that plunge!
HEY, Y'ALL VOTED FOR 'EM. don't whine now! nm
nm
It doesn't stop 'em from coming around, but
kill 'em and clean 'em at the same time -- using a spray bottle with a good spray and some type of cleaner (even watered down) in it, stun them with the spray first, then totally blast them with the spray . . . wipe with paper towel.
Now they unfortunately call 'em designer dogs...
but they're really just muts. They are all lhasa-poo's. It all began when we lived in a townhouse in the city of Lowell, MA. I really wanted a dog but they (the condo association) had a weight restriction of 40 pounds. So, we were out for a Sunday drive one day and happened upon this lady walking the cutest little dog. She told us where she got it and we drove right to the kennel that day. They had one puppy left (our Winston) and we snatched him up right on the spot.
He's getting mighty old and to help the hurt of his eventual passing not be as bad, I had the bright idea to get his replacement another lhasa-poo( a couple of years ago (Patton). Well, the young whipper snapper was constantly pestering poor old Winston, so I said, "Hey, we need to get him a playmate." Enter the third little guy, "Sherman." Also a lhasa-poo. So there ya have it.
The oldster is still with us...blind, toothless, and kinda stinky, but it's one big happy family of little portable dogs and I don't think I'll ever get a big dog just because I like the little lap dogs. They are totally gay though---little puffs of yappiness.
Gave 'em a shower - look brand new - thanks!! (nm)
x
That's why Hayseed's neighbor shoots 'em
He probably had his house skunked, and never wants to go through it again.
Buy a home of my own - not a palace, but more of a smallish home on a large piece of land. (nm)
.
There are sprays that you can use, bit I just swish 'em in soapy water
s
Anyone move from a single family home to mobile home? sm
I own and live in a house in a midwest city in a bad neighborhood (wasn't that bad 11 years ago). I spent the day waiting for the plumber to come and jackhammer the foundation (slab house, no basement) to find a leaky pipe that is flooding my DD's bedroom. Last week, it was the electrician with quotes for costly repairs.
In the meantime, I've really been thinking about selling out and moving into a mobile home. Has anyone done this before? Is a mobile home in a decent park less of a hassle than a regular house? I'm so tired of cutting the grass and spending $$ to fix things and tired of old flooring and cabinets, etc., that are just too costly to replace. I'm single with no man to do these things for me and I can't afford a mortgage on a newer house in a good neighborhood. Some of the pictures I've seen of the mobile homes look really nice and modern on the inside.
Any advice and comments appreciated. Thanks!
Well I figure I can make my own hours & be home when the kids are home (sm)
I worked PT in an office for a while but spent most of my money on childcare in the summer. Full-time in an office was just a nightmare and I felt like I missed a whole year of my children's lives. I want to be in control of my schedule so that's why I'm looking into the cleaning thing. Never thought I would want to do that but live and learn! Some of the most intelligent people alive work as carpenters and similar things because they have learned what's really important in life. Whew....off my soapbox now :-) Good luck to you!
Both of our kids wear the Focus Dailies disposables. They like 'em. nm
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They may still bloom in the sun, but the most intense color will come in the shade. Love 'em! nm
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C'mon ladies-God wouldn't have given you maracas if he didn't want you to shake 'em! sm
The blonde dance instructor in Dirty Dancing.
I love it.
Give 'em a swish in the sink. If concerned about color running, try with 1 stem or leaf first. Or
s
Daniel had a home, a very good home...
with someone in my family at one point.
She met her late husband at a club down the freeway from me. It's not a fancy place, like you say.
She does have a real brother though. That was the connection on our part.
I agree, though. It is sad that all this is coming out the way it is. I believe she was a good person...she just had a lot of problems, mainly drugs. What is really sad is that all of this is going to be seen by her daughter one day when she grows up.
You have control (SM)
If you demonstrate to your husband that you do indeed have control not to eat that junk, you may get it in his head that you are serious about losing weight. He is sabotoging you, even if he does not intend to do so.
I've lost 123 pounds the hard way and kept them all off. If you can't afford a program that isn't really necessary, get your measuring cups out and measure each serving you eat, add up the calories, and figure out how many calories you need from a Google search to lose weight.
Trust me; you'll feel like crap afterwards if you eat that stuff. You will feel like you had a victory if you leave it alone. You will feel strong. Don't deny yourself that feeling.
I see you posted 2 days ago. I hope you didn't eat that junk.
No, they are definitely not out of control (sm)
Believe me, they are good kids. Like I said, they have never gotten in trouble at school and they are respectful. They were just trying to play with her like they do with me. My mother told me about demons all my life growing up too - and guess how many times I woke her up with night terrors? I'll call you to come sit up with my kids when they are scared demons are going to come and get them.
Did he do something really bad that he needs this much control? nm
x
It has gotten out of control
I see parents who have nothing and cannot pay their bills getting their kids the Xbox 360s and Wii systems. How do they do this? My 18-year-old wanted one and I just couldn't do it. I had to limit myself to about $200 per kid this year.
My kids never had video games until they were well into their teens. They got books and educational computer games. Toys that kept their imaginations active like Legos. Do kids even play with toys anymore?
What has gotten out of control is all the ....sm
charities people are allowed to sign up for. I am all for giving to the needy and support things like Toys for Tots. Dr. Phil and Robin even came to my hometown to help kick off the campaign in our area. My SIL is a teacher at a school where this is quite a bit of poverty and she says kids will come to school and tell about all they got. She says some of these kids have better Christmases then her own children. Once again I don't begrude giving, but signing up with 10 different charities seems a bit much. Also, she has students where the entire family will sign up to "Shop with a cop" and only one of the children will qualify. I don't understand that either.
Only control myself, no one else so where that comes from?
Children grown, not trying to control in any kind of way. I just take care of my homee front, nothing more. More assuming. People think what they want so not trying to change others feelings.
no flea control
vet says we dont have fleas in our area.
she was in control of that relationship
x
No animal control
There is no animal control in many rural areas.
control freaks to the nth........
modus operandi.........they have this NEED to control.....I'm so over these types.....but they are EVERYWHERE - I see it all the time - and then I congratulate myself for being my own hero, finding my own strengths, getting out while the getting was good and never looking back.....been there, done it, will NEVAH do it again.......it just isn't worth it to me. I'd rather be alone than with a control freak or a passive-aggressive.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh tis NOW a GREAT life....and for 18 years!!! I wouldn't compromise it EVER again.....
Best of luck to all and especially to those in sticky situations!!! I SO know it's SO not easy.....
Don't know if Animal Control will be much help
At least, not if they're like the ones around here. I have called them a couple of times for large dogs roaming loose in the neighborhood and they said they would drive by when they got a chance but if the dogs weren't there at the time there was nothing they could do. Even when I told them, they're here right now and will probably be here a while, I never saw the Animal Control vehicle come by either time.
This is a different situation, of course, but if the dog is receiving food and water I really don't think Animal Control would do much.
I understand that you do not want to bring an animal into your home that would make your cat uncomfortable. If you can keep the dog company in his yard or bring him into your yard (as suggested below) that might be a good alternative.
Maybe you could keep an eye out and try to find out who is feeding the dog and talk to them about some kind of alternative, or at least find out when the owners will be back.
I can't believe people treat their pets this way, just to save a few dollars. For a dog as small as a Sheltie, boarding isn't all that expensive. I did a quick on-line check since it's been a while since we boarded our Pom, and most places listed $12/night for small dogs. A small price to pay, in my opinion.
I got my dog from Animal Control.
There was an "application" but it was mostly common sense stuff. Good luck!
I have no cookie self-control!
I used to bake piles and piles of cookies, gave lots away, too, but far too many went right into ME. One Christmas, I gained 10 pounds before the New Year! TEN POUNDS! Added to the other 50 I had gained over the years, and I was just disgusted. I tried not to eat the things, but I could not stop. So now, for the sake of my health, I don't bake cookies unless I'm headed out that same day to someone's house. I make my DH stand over me as the cookies come out of the oven, pack them up and put them into the car.
It sounds ridiculous, but I really can't stop myself!
Well, he sounds like a control
freak for one thing. One of the key indicators for couples who get divorced is how they talk to each other.
For your cold or flu, you might try zinc tablets. If your nose is runny you could use Zicam - the nasal swabs are great because you won't be tempted to snort the gel too high, where it can cause problems. Follow the directions about pinching your nose for a minute. If your throat is sore, chicken soup or broth should help. Maybe soak in a warm tub.
And let grumpy husband clean up his own messes.
You definitely need marriage counseling, because he needs to learn to treat you with loving kindness and respect.
There's little in this life we have control over
I say your hair should be your decision. Whatever makes you happy. There are several celebs in their 50s and 60s that have very long hair and frankly, I think it looks fine. When I was growing up I remember my mother saying things about women who were "too old" to have long hair. I think things are different now.
the men have no control if they don't isolate them.
there are no public birth records -- the children are removed from the natural mothers to other women early on -- the children are brought up to think all the women are their mothers. and as far as being robotic -- like any other abusive/manipulative situations, these women DARE not go against the prescribed behavior or face dire consequences. Not to mention that they have been indoctrinated to have a huge fear of the outside world and how they would survive outside their compound...and believe that doing other than they are taught is going against God. They really need to be deprogrammed.
Animal Control
I'm sure the responses vary depending on where you live, what the situation, and who you talk to but for those who have had no help from Animal Control - there might be hope. A farm in my area was obviously mistreating their cows, standing in water for days and weeks with nothing to graze on but plenty of land to move them too. Just a lazy farmer I think, the whole place was a mess. I called Animal Control, the Sherrif's Dept, and the Humane Society every week (atleast once a week) for over a month. Every time I had to leave a message and soon was immediately transferred to a voicemail. I am happy to say I was persistent and eventually the problem was solved. I can only assume they got tired of hearing from me. I haven't seen a problem over there since and its been a couple of years.
Animal Control
Like the other poster said, if you click "post a reply to this message" they are right under the box that you type your message in. Anyways, I forgot to tell you, you don't have to call Animal Control just if they are mean to the dog. You can also call them about the barking, and I believe they will give them a warning and then I think a fine if they do nothing. Also, I don't know where you are located, but usually you can call the city and they will usually warn them. As much as it sucks, I figure I am just "doing my time" here, where I live, waiting to get away from these idiots I call neighbors! They obviously don't care, have talked to them, so I don't want to make matters worse, because, unfortunately, I have to be here at least 4 more years!
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