If you are both mature and desire a child sm
Posted By: anonamiss on 2008-12-28
In Reply to: My husband and I joke that if we had... - Kendra
I was immature for the first, thought I was mature ten years later for the second and now that I'm too old to have one, wish I had more but it's too late. This is not an answer but a longing that I wish I had more than two and it's too late. My husband did not want another as the first had medical problems, so we waited ten years and I am sorry I don't have more kids. I love kids! Also, my MIL didn't like kids and was not happy, complained about both pregnancies as "another mouth to feed". Each time I see a happy family planning for a baby, I cry. If it is going to make you both happy, do it, you will be the happiest in your life when you hold that child. Just IMHO. It will work if you want it to. If you wait until you "afford" one, you never will. Children are beautiful and worth it, they enrich your life, why else would you get "married"?
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
I am in the same boat. I have no desire to go to my in laws for sm
Christmas Eve and my husband is making us all go. It's the biggest fight every year. I am dreading it so much. I wish he would listen to me, but he won't. I don't see a long future for me and my husband. It's always his way or NO way. I should just say I am not going and not go, but IF I do that then Christmas morning will be miserable. He will take it out on me and the kids. I think he's just like them!
He pouted all day Thanksgiving because I refused to go to his mother's house where his siblings (the culprits) would be. The thing is this: They've never liked me. Never. It's been almost 10 years and everything is my fault. For a long time it scarred me, but then I realized that it wasn't me, it's them. And then to have my husband force me to be around this hateful, evil people is beyond understanding. I am NOT looking forward to Christmas eve. I swear, I just want to stay here (I've already celebrated with great friends and my family) and just want to enjoy Christmas eve and Christmas with people (my kids) whom I adore. But, it won't be that way when you have people in your lives (unfortunately) who are exactly the way you just described.
Ugggh. Not looking forward to this weekend. And to top it off, my birthday is Saturday. I told him that I wanted to NOT go to his mom's house for my birthday. That made him mad.
Oh, and don't tell me to put a smile on my face and be nice or put up with it. Until you walk a mile in my shoes where you have 3 sisters and 1 brother who think I am the antichrist, the last thing you can do is smile at these people....And I am a very kind and nice person. these people bring out the worst in me.
Absolutely NOT!! I have no desire to give...
my daughter a vaccination for a STD! Plus, from what I've read, it doesn't even protect against every type of HPV and she can still get cancer. And it's only been tested for a very short while and there may be long-term complications that we don't know about yet.
Even if I was to try to overcome my lack of desire for him (sm)
He did in one case admit to cheating with a girl he met while fishing from a pier in the Outer Banks. He then denied saying that, but of course he said it. I have children to raise. Should I expose myself to possible diseases? He still has not gone to get tested, so why should I give in to him?
I have no desire to sell my house sm
and couldn't afford it anyway. On top of that, regardless of hte neighborhood, I DO NOT want to live where there is an HOA!
Their desire to want more (money, stuff) far outweighs sm
the consequences they know they will possibly face if caught. Just this morning at Wal Mart I witnessed a man with a cart loaded with 2 HDTVs! He didn't go through the line, just walked right out!! A clerk saw this and yelled, "Excuse me, sir!" and he calmly kept walking. I started getting really nervous! She followed him and then others followed (all Wal Mart employees) and I watched as this man abandoned his cart outside, walked to his car while they tried to get him to come in and he completely ignored them! He got in his car and took off. The manager got his license plate, I'm sure.
I began thinking "what on earth was he thinking?????" Why would you want to chance getting caught stealing 2,000 in merchandise? I don't have the temptation to rob, steal, kill, or destroy, so I can't tell you what goes through these people's minds!
But like I said earlier, whenever any of us do anything contrary to what we should be doing, we either don't realize the consequences or don't care about the consequences. Either way, it is a lose-lose situation.
K
And how!! We are truly "experienced and mature" now, right? :-) nm
nm
so I take it he's not sexually mature yet?
once he starts dating...
So right. Shawn is probably much more mature
nm
Ditto, no desire, not in today's society/world!
x
I like the idea of not crating now that dog is mature enough. Never heard of that sm
and sounds like a possible solution to OP's problems. She did say that the dog was just fine next to her while sleeping on the couch. Good idea. She should try this.
And incredibly mature and smart. You are blessed. nm
!
I find it very mature. Those are the correct names.
nm
Yes, I think it's the most mature decision she has ever made. When she dropped out of school, we
suggested the military and she went ballistic, but a see a few signs of maturity and now she really views it as a career choice for her. She was told if she went into healthcare that she could be tending to the injured etc.but that she wouldn't be on the front lines. Then again, I was also told that recruiters will say anything to get you to sign LOL..
I thought about it too. Michaels has lots of beads. Just wondered if my mature
xxxxxxxxx
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
Yes, with my second child.
He is now 13 and has never had any problems. Just pray, God will work it all out for you and I will keep you in my prayers also.
Tell me a little about your child, please
Thanks.
Thank God. Having your child taken would be the
.
As a child...
I never sucked my thumb and never had a pacifier. I had crowding of teeth as an adult because of wisdom teeth pushing on them. It really is the size/shape of your mouth/palate that determines crooked teeth, and that is determined by genetics.
More than one child
We were planning on only having one child, but 10 years later (she's almost 4 now) we did have a second one which I of course don't regret for a minute. The only thing I can say is don't listen to those that say you have to have a second child. That's all I heard for years. How can yo just have one, and on and on. It's nobody's business but you and your husband.
Yes, have gone since I was a child.
My kids also go, ages 20, 17 and 15. It fills my spiritual tank for the week and our pastor is so wonderful and uplifting and we have a fabulous congregation. I don't feel right if I miss a week.
No H is an only child LOL.
That is probably what the problem is too. No other children to dote on.
A dog is not a child and has different
needs from a child. But even a child is put in a bassinet to sleep in when they are small to control how much they roll around. Then later they are put in a crib. Is that a cage for you too? Or do you put the child on a full-size mattress and hope for the best? No, you carefully listen to all the rules about safe mattresses for infants and how soon pillows can be used and what position is safest for an infant.
For dogs, you need to get to know them before you give them free reign of the house. Otherwise they might get into something we didn't think of to put up and die. This dog is in the age range of 12-18 months. We can already tell he is inquisitive. We don't know how much time he has spent in a house because he was abandoned at the shelter. We will observe him and train him and grant him more freedoms as he proves himself ready.
Dogs in the wild use dens. You are misinformed, probably by PETA folks who would have you release your Yorkshire terrier to the wild to fend for itself if they had their druthers.
I was 29, he's my only child
before I had him I had two miscarriages in the same year (when I was 28). He is almost 13. I'm in downstate NY and at his school school (it's a Catholic school) many of his classmates' parents are at least as old as I am. Hope to get married soon but probably too late for another..
of course he is my child
I have his age wrong though. He is 31. How on earth can I or should I stop him from stating his own opinion? It is certainly not unusual for an 18-year-old male to use the word, even when talking about his evil GM. He was 18 when dear G'ma died. I'm telling you, the woman was evil, evil, evil!!!! Even my ex-DH (is there such a thing) didn't like her. The only reason my older son liked her was because he was the first grandchild and she worshipped him. When my SIL had 2 kids, they were okay for a while, then she didn't want to mess with them either. She liked dogs and cats more than people. And, by the way, I am really relating to all of you out there who go to your MIL's for all the holidays and not your mom's. I did that also, because I dearly loved my FIL and my SIL, BIL, etc. If I had it to do over again, I think I would have shared a little more. My mom is only 70, but no one is promised tomorrow. We do all holidays together now.
Right - I don't think they should take the child because (sm)
no matter what, children love their parents and would be traumatized to be taken away from them, so unless they are being terribly mistreated, I don't think they should ever be taken. Children who go thru life in foster homes are rarely ever happy. But Social Services could go in and help them get things cleaned up if that is why. It may not be, but in my case that was the problem. I eventually at about age 11 or 12 went out and bought bug spray and sprayed my hair and brushes and sprayed my PILLOW regularly to keep the bugs away. I am sure that was horrible for my health but I was desperate.
Because he's still YOUR CHILD, and he still needs to know he is welcome. nm
x
child with SVT. sm
Hi. My 16-year-old son is suspicious for SVT. Anyone else experience this? I had made an appointment for March, and now the doc is calling me and wants to see my son next week. He has already had an echo and an event monitor. Don't know if I should be freaked out or not.
Yes, first child....nm
xx
Would you have said anything about this child?
I was at a very big market (international) this morning and as I exited the lunch room to retrieve my cart, saw a very young child alone in a cart with no one around. I stood there not moving for several minutes wondering where a parent might be. I could not even see a person in front or back of him that seemed to be paying attention to this child (probably around 3 or 4 years of age). The serving line in front does have glass so I could see the people buying their lunches. Finally I noticed a man that was looking around frequently at the child and finally he got through the line and came and picked the child up. I approached him to say how it is so easy for a person to snatch his child (John Walsh's on AMW had his young child snatched and killed in similar, only taking a second) and this man looked annoyed and said thank you for your thoughts and hurried away. Clearly child endangerment here but would you have said anything or just let it go?
How do you know it was actually his child?
That's what's scary.
I have a child like this...
(This turned out long. Please stick with me.)
Like your son, it started in infancy. He could throw a fit that could go on for 30 minutes. If it was related to going to sleep, he would cry for hours no matter what I tried. (Yes, i did have him ruled out for medical causes.) He just could not calm himself down and he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. It started to feel like a war zone and the other kids were not getting the attention they needed because I felt like I had to deal with his bad behavior all the time.
When he was very young (infancy to about 3 years old), I would let him throw his fits and try to ignore them. After about 30 minutes, I picked him up and rocked him and he always seemed to be relieved and would start to calm down. I did not give into his demands. It just was a way for him to know that I loved him even when he acted bad.
But you know what... A few months ago (he is 5 now), he was acting up yet again and I tried to talk to him. I told him that I knew he was a good boy and that he was just having a hard time with his anger. He was totally blown away that I thought he was a "good boy." In his head, he thought he was bad. This was an eye opener for me.
Because I had my own issues with frustration, I decided to work on me first. I was sick of the war zone. That is still a work in progress, but I feel a lot more calm when dealing with him now.
I explain things to him up front. If we are going to a store, I tell him that I expect him to stand still by me. If he wants to look at something, he can ask me, etc. Then I ask him what he thinks the consequence will be if he does not mind. Sometimes he answers, sometimes not. Then, I tell him exactly what will happen. No favorite TV channel or no playing with a favorite toy, something like that. Just so he knew exactly what would happen if he makes certain CHOICES. I also don't argue. It only gets me wound up. I put the onus back on him. Counting 1...2...3 gives him a warning to change his behavior or deal with consequences.
I also communicate a lot about other's people reactions to when he "acts good" and "acts bad." How the things that happen to him are often influenced by his CHOICES. "Other children may not want to play with someone who ...only wants their way ... does not share ... hits." "If you share your toy, your friend probably want to share his toys with you."
I praise him when I notice he has done something "good", like brushing his teeth without being reminded. I tell how much I appreciate it (Because I do. When you have 3 kids, its a really help when they can do something for themselves. ) Someone knowledgeable told me the ratio of praise to discipline is 4:1. I doubt that I hit that ratio, but I do look for things my kids do right.
None of this is easy for me. I feel like I am talking myself blue in the face. I am naturally quiet and not always willing to communicate verbally. I'm praying the more I communicate now, then eventually I won't have to talk so much later. Or at least, we can talk about more pleasant things.
I will say though that my son is starting to understand that he will not always get his way, and if he cooperates with me, I am willing to cooperate with him. There has been good improvement since I started with this in April.
from a child
My son used to say mazagine and hangaburger instead of magazine and hamburger when he was about 3. I loved that. Not common to most people but it was common to him. :)
If this was MY child??? sm
I would be working my way up the food chain at that school. Who in the he!! at that school thinks they know what my child needs or doesn't need? The last I knew, raising children is up to the parents; not the school, not the state, and CERTAINLY NOT A LESBIAN TEACHER!! I was so upset when I just READ the story that it was all I could do to stop myself from sitting down and writing a letter to the school and giving them a piece of my mind.
To any and all parents in that school district...the threat of recall is an extremely potent weapon. Use it!!
I only have one child, a son..sm
so that helps. I usually spend about $300 on my son, but this year I have spent $400 already on a playstation 3 he has wanted ever since they came out last year. I can't just give him that so I have to buy him some other little things to open. My mom and mother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to buy playstation 3 games because after spending $400 on it I can't buy the games too, which are about $60 each. So I still have to buy some small things for him so I will probably spend about $500 on my son this year. The most I have ever spent on him and he is 10. Like I said it is usually no more than $300. I try to spend no more than $100 on my husband, but this year I know he has said how he would love to have an ipod. So I am going to buy one for about $150. I have my dad to buy for and mom. I know I will probably spend about $50 on my mom. My dad I am not sure yet. In-laws are usually about $20-25 each. My sister about $25. My brother in law about $20. My 2 nephews about $20 each. I also have a niece I will spend about $20-30 on. I try to spend a little more on my niece because my sister in law spends a lot on my son. So you see I have a lot of people to buy for. I don't even know how much that is all together but it ain't cheap. And the people I buy for I have to cause they do for us.
Your child isn't doing bad if he AM
is receiving dental care and has a Wii already. Why are you hell-bent on making money off a fluke? You certainly aren't setting an example your child should follow by selling it and I hope they DON'T give a gift receipt. 
How old is your child?
x
We did that as a child sm
I hate to "date" myself but we were a struggling large family and my Dad went across the street and asked a guy if he could rent his empty lot to grow some vegetables, etc. Not only was it fun but we had tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, etc., and it was great. The only negative thing I remember about it was the tomato cut worms, ugly little suckers! I think it's a fun thing to do and a good lesson for the family (and healthy). Be sure the soil is "good" though. You can have it tested for pH at any college lab (I think). Throw in some flowers, that would be cool. I am going to do some big sunflowers this year, I used to hate them but I think we need them and you can bake, salt and eat the seeds. Have fun!!!
Oh it seems the child did not have it when ...sm
they entered the US or at least showed no symptoms. So my mistake. They had no way of knowing the child had it. Poor kid.
I know this and I am sorry your child - sm
and your family had such a horrible experience. In any way, shape or form it is a horrible thing for any family to go through especially when your child suffers and does not make it through. I know not all kids or adults have an easy time, I am not a total dolt though I am sure you think I am, fine. Some get lucky and it does not affect them as much as others for some strange reason. Jen was on dantinomycin and vincristine, the vincristine was quite nasty and that is what gave her the nausea and make her puke the few times she did. She ate a lot of Zofran though and with that she had a pretty good tolerance to it for some reason, she felt the worst though when the dactinomycin was added in, 7 times. I too find the ped onc very depressing and switched jobs so I did not have to type kids anymore, too upsetting, now I only do adults which I can handle pretty well except for the ones who procratinate to sure fire death sentence. Rant all you want, I have no problem with it. I know this is about this woman's choice, again I think she/boy are wrong, some feel she is right, fine. Agree to disagree.
What do you do when your child gets in trouble?
Spank/Swat
Time Out
Natural Consequences (ie, if they won't stop throwing food, then lunch is over, or if they run away while you're out, it's time to go home)
Re-direction (ie, trying to get your child to focus on something else)
Other (possibly a combination of methods or something else entirely)
Depends on the age of the child
:)
You Will Never Guess What A Child Said
I stopped to get gas this afternoon. As I was about to walk out a man & his son walked over to me to say hello. The boy was a child I worked with a few years ago when he was in kindergarten. He is now in 3rd grade. He was always a very rough talking child, just like his parents. Always talking about kicking someones ar*e, & getting drunk, poppin a cap, stuff like that. He would push the other kids out of his way, grab things away from them, couldn't stay in his seat, very hyper as well. The parents put him on meds & that really calmed him down so he could focus on his work.
The Dad said hello, then the little boy looked at me & said "I got a hot dog & its in my underwear, you wanna see it"? I'm standing there stunned & the Dad laughs hysterically & then says " He's just like me ain't he"? The clerk was frozen in disbelief & so were several customers that were standing in line. I turned & walked out the door & as I was leaving I heard the Dad say to the boy, "you're somethin else Billy, thats a good one, I'm proud of you son".
What a foul mouth bunch of hillbillys they are. If one of my kids had said anything remotely like that their little mouths would be washed out with soap, they would have been made to apologize, & they would never do it again. I cannot believe that a Father would be proud of his son for talking dirty like that to an adult, especially a woman. Where in the world do these people come from?
would depend on what CD it is. and is your child 12 or 17?
i just bought my 13 yr old son a ps2 game that had some kind of warning on it, but he has already been playing it at his friends, just found that out...so i thought..whats the big deal..
In ballet and tap as a child
I went forever and loved it, like the post saying the pretty costumes, still have pictures of me then. Oh, was I a hotsi-totsi! I think I may have been a little older but still magical. Sorta like being a little princess.
If I had a child in the military now,
sorry but probably would do as a lot of families did for Vietnam war and that was to head for the border, namely Canada. I thought if gay in the military, supposed to try and keep it quiet?? These to me are ever bit as bad as protesting at funeral of AIDS patients. You have some really sick people in this world to do things like this and please, like you, I don't want to get started on the other folks president in Washington.
I took my child's away at 3 months.
A friend of mine has a 3-year-old who still *needs* it. She HAS to give it up because she walks around with it in and you can't understand her when she talks. I think it is up to the mom to take it away.
Child abuse
That's your opinion - and pedofilia - obviously you did not BF or have a good bond with your children. Do you also consider it child abuse that I did not use disposable diapers? What about the fact that I worked as a wet nurse? Some things are just natural - You should read the book, The Family Bed - BF may be looked upon differently in the US - but that is only cultural - and I do not bend to cultural issues - I did as I pleased - and no one else cared or ever even discouraged me from BF my son as long as I did. Unless you've been there - you do not understand - sorry for you.
I consciously only had one child....
She is a quality child at age 26 now....*S*......
So sorry I was taught as a child if given something
I should say thank you and accept, but then my mother taught me manners. If you do not like a gift you receive you can a) return or b) pass it on to someone who will. I give what I want to and if you don’t like, then do 1 of the above. Mind your manners. When I give something, I do not ask a person what they want and my gift comes because I want to give, not have to.
Me neither as my child growing up
things can really change in life.
|
