If you've been to a counselor who suggests
Posted By: leaving...then find a new counselor...sm on 2008-05-27
In Reply to: Done - Done
My husband and I are in counseling and she has never once suggested counseling, even in the beginning when I felt like you, just giving up, unloved, etc. I am amazed at how far we have come during our counseling and we're not done yet. We have 3 kids, ages 21, 18, and 9...they are the reason we went to counseling in the first place. Divorce is a horrible thing to do to children. For counseling to work, you both have to put your whole heart and soul into it. The counselor is there to do what you want and if you say you want to save your marriage, then that's what they are supposed to try to help you do. Please find another counselor and try again. It is worth saving...God bless...I'll be praying for you!
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
I agree - do what vet suggests....sm
If it's at the end of the tail and it's a long tail, perhaps only part of the tail needs amputation. I think the cat would not mind that...20 years old, set in its' ways......would adapt to a manx look I think....but if it's the end of the tail (I don't remember what your post said at the moment about location) perhaps only a partial amputation. Going back to re-read your post in a second.... Good luck in your decision and the cat's health!! 
Tone of your posts suggests bitter, resentful,
x
Get him to a counselor.
narcotics anonymous meeting. I have never heard of profuse sweating from marijuana withdrawal. Maybe he was on something else as well. The good thing is he's done with it, but it sounds like he may need some medicine to help him relax, but this would need to be prescribed by a physician.
counselor
You didn't mention if you're going alone or not to counseling, and I wasn't sure by what you wrote. I personally hope you go by yourself first. It may be better that way. Obviously, you'd have much more room to say how your feel, and the counselor wouldn't have the husband "boundary."
I'm glad you're working on yourself. If nothing else, hopefully you can use this as a time to get back to who you may have been prior to the marriage, or at least learn to be more independent again and ENJOY being that way. It's really nice to be able to walk down the street with your head held high and a sparkle in your eye (not to mention the swing in your hips after you lose whatever weight you're talking about).
Please keep us posted. We're all here to help you to the best of abilities...
Counselor
This counselor apparently has "issues" of her own and seems to be in the wrong job. Sounds to me that you are raising your children just fine.
You should probably see a counselor.
It sounds like his hobbies and your way of thinking are not one in the same. He sounds sort of selfish, but there are always two sides to every story. My Dad used to say if a husband/father finds reasons to stay away from the house then he just doesn't want to be at home. He used to feel this way about the men who always volunteered to work overtime, which in my Dad's mind put another father out of work. He always felt they should hire another man rather than keep these men from their families, but then again maybe these men "just didn't want to go home". It is sad.
You shouldn't have to live this way. Of course your husband doesn't want to divorce because you'd probably get his hunting money.  He sounds selfish and you might want to look into getting your own place and see how he can figure things out.
Might want to go to a counselor
I'd say if you are constantly thinking about food, yes, you might want to seek counseling. You may not smoke or drink, but overeating is self-medicating, too. NOW is the time to get some help, when you are only 15 lbs. overweight. Don't let it get out of hand and then you have 100 lbs. to lose and can't.
God bless you and I wish you all the best with finding a good counselor.
I had a counselor once tell me that too...
and she had met with us both as well. But the psychiatrist who prescribed the stress meds for me met DH and told me that we needed to stop pointing fingers at one another (DH and I) and start enjoying life. So, I parted ways with the counselor and am going to another one after about a year of being gun-shy of counselors. The original counselor who determined there was nothing in this marriage for me or relationship with this man as she put it was not my decision. It is what she said. But after DH and me meeting with the medical doctor psychiatrist, the MD gave advise to find someone else as a counselor and get a second opinion. He suggested that a lot was I was taking life and problems too seriously and we all needed cognitive thinking help in this house, to deal with stress. He said it was situational our problems and once we started the cognitive thinking, that is learning ways to cope with hard times, we could finally enjoy the happiness life has to give. I think it would be worth your while to get a second opinion if you have doubts about leaving, as long as you are safe in your situation. If there, however, is domestic violence physical or verbal abuse, that is a totally different story, you need advise from the local domestic violence hotline which can determine if you need to get out right away. I do not know your situation and do not want to send you the wrong way. If you are safe, then I suggest going to someone else and weigh the options of counseling for couples, and other things like cognitive training. If it is unsafe, then do call 911 or domestic violence hotline and don't waste time, do leave. Remember divorce is expensive, painful, and difficult to get over. You can do it if it is the right thing to do, we all survive these things. But if the marriage is safe, perhaps it would be less expensive and less stressful for you both to consider working on finding the love you had but perhaps got lost along the way in the hard times. Good luck to you whatever you decide!
I had a counselor once tell me that too...
and she had met with us both as well. But the psychiatrist who prescribed the stress meds for me met DH and told me that we needed to stop pointing fingers at one another (DH and I) and start enjoying life. So, I parted ways with the counselor and am going to another one after about a year of being gun-shy of counselors. The original counselor who determined there was nothing in this marriage for me or relationship with this man as she put it was not my decision. It is what she said. But after DH and me meeting with the medical doctor psychiatrist, the MD gave advise to find someone else as a counselor and get a second opinion. He suggested that a lot was I was taking life and problems too seriously and we all needed cognitive thinking help in this house, to deal with stress. He said it was situational our problems and once we started the cognitive thinking, that is learning ways to cope with hard times, we could finally enjoy the happiness life has to give. I think it would be worth your while to get a second opinion if you have doubts about leaving, as long as you are safe in your situation. If there, however, is domestic violence physical or verbal abuse, that is a totally different story, you need advise from the local domestic violence hotline which can determine if you need to get out right away. I do not know your situation and do not want to send you the wrong way. If you are safe, then I suggest going to someone else and weigh the options of counseling for couples, and other things like cognitive training. If it is unsafe, then do call 911 or domestic violence hotline and don't waste time, do leave. Remember divorce is expensive, painful, and difficult to get over. You can do it if it is the right thing to do, we all survive these things. But if the marriage is safe, perhaps it would be less expensive and less stressful for you both to consider working on finding the love you had but perhaps got lost along the way in the hard times. Good luck to you whatever you decide!
Try another counselor
I really think you need to talk to someone else. Like others have pointed out, there are very few, if any, fairy-tale marriages. And it certainly isn't just about changing your hub. Your indifference is a symptom of your own feelings and you will very likely be just as depressed and indifferent after the divorce, only this time you'll be alone.
I think you need a new counselor. nm
nm
Seek out a counselor.
school counselor
That's beyond the pail for all of the people at this school. I'm really sorry you have to endure this. It sounds like you don't have the option here, but this is clearly why school vouchers are so important so parents can be "pro choice" about their kids' education. Rest assured, it all comes down to the NEA, who is drunk with power.
O'Reilly Factor had a perfect example of this on Monday's show in the "Is it Legal" segment about how ridiculous schools have gotten. You should be able to open it up on the link below.
Good luck to you. Hold on to your core beliefs and continut to "do the right thing."
Top Video
I would get him into counselor ASAP
bb
School counselor defensive?
I really need some input here. My family recently moved back to our original house because we could not sell it. The school they were zoned for before we moved back seemed okay, the children thought it was fine. We thought we would wait until the year was over before going back to the original school in our neighborhood so they would not flip flop.
My little boy who is 7 recently had problems with a reading group teacher who wanted him to be in a play. It was a big part. He is shy and I did not hear of his fear until they were into practicing. She said either do the play or get a zero. He asked if he could make up the grade. She told him to do a book report at the library (this is second grade). None of the children in the reading group were explained how to do this book report even my daughter who is in the same group told me she had to figure it our herself. My little boy did not know what to do. He was afraid to ask her again as one other time he asked for instructions she was very abrupt and did not answer him. So, I contacted his home room teacher to resolve it, as the reading teacher was not available (for personal reasons). The principal tried to arrange a meeting but again, this teacher was unavailable, and I finally received a phone call (she left a message) from her late Sunday night she was busy and could not get back to me and she would not be in for a week.
Week goes by, my little boy is okay but issue still not resolved. Top it off some kids were teasing him and told an older girl in the glass that he liked her. She sat down at lunch and told him she did not like him right to his face. Ever since, he has not been dealing with things well. He has gotten sick before school from anxiety, etc. I spoke 3 times with his home room teacher, and all she could do is say, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to do, the counselor is busy today."
On top of this, my little 8 year old girl's teacher constantly gives her tardies for being 1 minute late (I go to the office to get a pass but she refuses to call them excused). We drive 40 minutes, it has been foggy and one time I had a flat tire. My husband informed the office of this.
With all of this idiocy we decided to put the kids back in the original school here by the house and as I went into the office to let them know, the counselor of the school had to meet with me, urgently. She lit into me big time, saying I coddle my son and if I kept doing so he would be come effeminate (sp?). She also said that I am teaching my daughter to be critical of her teacher by saying there is something wrong with being 1 minute late. I said there were reasons for being 1 minute late and my husband told the teacher and the office. The counselor said, "set your watch back so that will take care of it and you will be early.",
This counselor continued to say that I was not parenting my son and daughter correctly and that she was livid that I would encourage a crush that my son was only 7 and I was not being responsible. I said I did not even know about this crush and that I thought the girl was rude even saying that to his face after he never even told her it was a rumor!
I left the office feeling horrible as she indicated I was "a bad parent," I am not kidding. My band says she just was upset because we were leaving and there were issues not resolved correcdtly by her staff.
If you got this far reading this I appreciate it. Thanks for listening. But really, is my instinct right that this "counselor" was out of line, saying my son is going to be effeminate and my daughter critical? Made me feel about 2 inches tall, but I did not let her know that. Nor will I tell the children. Feedback on this would be highly appreciated. If I could I'd give you a copay for listening. Thanks in advance.
I would call the school counselor and
let them know what is going on. They can then contact the family.
First, go to Alanon. Second, maybe speak to a counselor sm
about your feelings. If he truly does change, is there anything that would make the marriage worth salvaging?
Have you spoken with a counselor, therapist, or your minister?
It would probably help if you could express your feelings out loud and get some feedback from someone who is trained to deal with emotional dilemmas like you are experiencing. I would strongly encourage it, especially since you have had thoughts of suicide.
Sometimes it takes a little while to find the right "fit" in a therapist or counselor. If the first one doesn't seem to be helping, try someone else.
I had similar feelings when my son was finishing up high school and getting ready to go on to college. The so-called "empty nest syndrome," I guess. But there are a lot of components to it. It's like redefining yourself as a person, because for so long you have been meeting everyone else's needs, and now you are starting to realize that you have needs of your own.
So what you need to figure out is what fulfills you as a person. What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Literally. Five years from now, what would you like to be doing? When you figure that out, start figuring out how to make it happen.
The best of luck to you, and please feel free to email me if you like. I'm still working on some aspects of my "mid-life crisis," but I have worked through a lot of it. I would be happy to provide a sympathetic ear.
I would call the counselor out of concern for this child. nm
@
Oh, this gave me high BP!! How dare a school counselor......sm
Take it into HIS hands to pull the girl and administer any kind of test at all, he does not have the legal right. He SHOULD have quietly contacted the girl's parents, told them about the rumor, and then SHUT UP, made himself available for counseling, but leaving parenting/medical matters to the parents, where they belong. If this were my own daughter, I fear I would be so enraged by this type of arrogant, stupid, unprofessional, illegal, and disresepctul acivity that I would become a one-woman vasectomy machine, the hard way. Talk about emotional distress?? That poor young girl and her parents. I can remember my days in high school in the early-mid 70s, parents were brought in and respected. OMG, this kind of "rumor" went around every time some nasty girl had a "fight" with another girl, they would have been hiring buses to drag these girls out....truly sickening situation, I hope this young lady is okay now, and has healed emotionally from it all, and thank God it was not true at all, for her sake, poor thing!
Doesn't sound very joyful. Find someone to talk to, counselor, clergy,
xx
If you've got one, you've got bunches!
How do ya feel about cats? That's what I'd do...get a cat...but I love cats and love it when they bring me 'presents' of dead varmints.
If that's not an option, and you're not comfortable with baiting, glue traps, or that sort of thing, it'd be worth it to hire a professional 'cridder ridder' or exterminator. Those things will chew up your walls and floorboards like you have no idea and cause incredible amounts of damage. Good luck in your jihad!
I've done this 12 yrs and I've had to take breaks sm
Took a break and worked at my kids preschool one year, worked at a hospital one year, took a couple months off once. It does burn you out because it takes all of your concentration. When I worked at the hospital as a secretary I could not believe how easy the job was ;-) I was sooo used to just getting paid for actual work that when I had a conversation with a coworker or a phone call or took lunch, I felt like I was getting away with a lot! I hope your break works out!! I wish you lived close-by, we could take turns watching each others kids ;-)
I've been using...
Zicam severe congestion. It gives me temporary relief and I've been taking Singulair, but originally nasal discharge was clear, this morning it was yellow (don't mean to gross anybody out). Could it have turned into a sinus infection? And if so, is it time to see the doctor??
I've tried that...
I've done that along with changing my diet but still no relief. I just received an e-mail saying to try vitamin E which is what I am going to try next.
Thanks a bunch.....
I will try that too, I've had enough of this...sm
where to I go to do this, remove IE7 and reinstall IE6.
TIA
oh yea, we've been through that one . . SM
My husband is the type of person that avoids conflict, does not want to face it, because if you pretend it's not there, it isn't, right???? Yea. He was in counseling for a while, but never went back after a few times. He really felt like last night was a punch in the face, like it's a game or something . . . like if you look the part, you ARE the part.
I've been there...
Hang in there...
I have one, but I've only had it for a day
I definitely can't do more than a minute on it, as it REALLY targets my inner thighs. I can really feel it working already, but I don't know what the benefit is going to be to everything it states, i.e. thighs, abs, back. I did a lot of research before I bought it and the only negatives I found were about ordering it through the company's website. So, I ordered it through QVC and saved a lot of money. Plus I received it only 3 days after I ordered it with no extra shipping charge.
A few I've seen....
The Wedding Date
Must Love Dogs
In Her Shoes
The Family Stone
In Good Company
What's the most you've ever won? sm
How did you win it?
I've with you on that! --nm
nm
LOL, I've seen some of those!
I admit it, I must be a pervert 'cause I think it's hysterical.
I've been on it
now going on 3 weeks and love it. I never use up my points and am always full. Best thing is you can still eat the foods you love. I only purchased the starter kit and did not join. I feel better and have lost weight and best of all I'm never hungry. But, like everything else, 1 diet doesn't fit all. I've tried Nutrisystem, Adkins,Right Size Smoothies, and Medifast and they didn't work for me. So far WW has worked. Also, you don't have to give up the "cool ones" on this plan.
me too - I've been doing this for over 9 (sm)
Same problem, and it doesn't go away overnight. Mostly my right (pedal) foot. Is yours?
I think I've seen something like this
But can't remember which one...a bride having her bridesmaids sign a contract, yeah right...I'd tell her exactly where she could put all her demands...geez!
We've actually done that (sm)
There is, unfortunately, an "out", meaning that if they have ever been invited to call (We refi'd our house and had been calling mortgage brokers, etc) they are exempt from the list, at least in New York. So it could be a brokerage or something trying to drum up business (not my problem)but all I have is an 866 number to go by, no name on the caller-ID. I wonder if you can get them back on the list after your business is finished.
I've been there
I understand. For 17 years I dealt with this, always feeling like I was never doing enough, if only I could do more then maybe.... I became very ill myself because of it. I had no life of my own, -- I lived for the next crisis, just like you -- and no one could understand, not even my doctor. I didn't find peace until I took the burden off my shoulders and put it on His--until I realized I had a responsibililty to God for my own life and I was losing my life, my freedom to find His Will for me and do it, to someone else's addiction. In this case, it was my mothers's. She was there night and day as well, no escaping. I gave up my outside job and worked from home too. I finally had to move in order to remain sane and THEN other family members had to start doing their share of helping out while I tried to regain some sense of self. It wasn't until then that she even got a clue that I had a right to my own life.
Your daughter, loved though she be, is robbing you of your life. That is not right. But I don't know of a stronger bond than that between a mother and a daughter no matter what problem may arise. One can never really walk away, forget it, etc. like so many will tell you to do. Inside, that bond lives strong. All you can do is find a way to deal with it, a way that is fair to you, healthy for you, a way that will keep you strong or else she will take you down with her.
For me, it was distancing myself physically and praying for her. I realized for all my love of her, only He could make the changes in her, and He did once I acknowledged how true the words are, "Without Me, you can do nothing." Now I pray for and expect miracles if it so be His Will when I have problems I cannot resolve. It brings great peace and strength -- and HOPE because I've seen first-hand how prayer made with faith truly does bring them and I don't feel like I am carrying the burden all by myself anymore and then I accept whatever He lets happen, realizing He in His wisdom knows more than I.
Talk to a therapist -- tell them what you've just written here. Again, they might have access to resources you don't know about. If their advice sounds harsh, and it probably will, listen anyway. Consider it. Your life DOES matter too. But don't ever lose hope in God. Ask for the strength and courage to do what must be done for the sake of the both of you and grace for her to change. Nothing is impossible for Him to do. Nothing.
Have you read the books by Melodie Beattie? They help. Feel free to e-mail me if you wish.
Oh thank God. I've been following this sm
and have been just sickened by the whole thing. What a pretty little girl. Such a terrible thing to happen to an innocent child.
N/T - That's what I've been doing
I've been watching a lot of episodes, or at least bits and pieces of them online to get caught up. Some things still confuse me. The new season looks really good.
I don't think I've met one since
I was a kid. You're right - it is a very alert breed. It could run very fast and bark, definitely running a tight ship, even if it was on dry land.
They are very beautiful dogs, and live longer than any breed, which sounds really good to me.
Yes I've had it (sm)
and it is very annoying, but it did go away. I just tried to get my exercise and sleep and do some facial stretching exercises where I stretch and relax my jaw and other facial muscles. I try to pretend the twitch isn't there, and pretty soon it isn't.
Hope it quits soon.
Yes I've had one
I had one a few years ago...not that bad, just uncomfortable. It only takes a few minutes. It's like a large needle that they insert through a small incision over the area in question. It suctions a bit of tissue out and that's it. Mine was benign. Good luck to you!
Thank you....I've done it...sm
4 times and my sons have done it once...They went through blazes in the south in high school with their long, patterned braided hair (they learned to braid themselves bkz I could never get it tight enough to suit them). But, when ridiculed by their coaches, school administration and teaching staff they replied, "Cause we want to donate to Locks of Love like mom, and it's hard to get a good grade of black hair...It's not just white kids that get cancer".  Cat
I've got to say
 That sex scene with the old girlfriend amputee was quite something! I'll never be the same!
I've done this...and..
I was a struggling single parent working for a doctor and in the 10 years I worked for him I had to get an advance twice. He was very kind and thought nothing about helping me. He also gave me a loan to get out of debt with a 3-year payback plan ($50 out of each check). This way he also insured that I would stay at least 3 year until my debt was worked off..LOL..so it worked for us and I ended up staying 10 years and I still do fill-in work for him. He saved a single mom's life..I would never ask a large employer, but usually small companies are very kind to their employees as they want to keep you..
If MT is all you've ever done, and yer too old for - sm
going back to school to be a viable option if yer already workin' a 12 to 14-hr day, then yes, we ARE struggling. The only way an MT can make money these days is to marry it.
Yes, actually I've currently got - sm
FOUR litter pans. I clean them constantly, wash out daily, have tried every kind of litter they sell. She doesn't seem to care, except she wont use the natural kinds. Feliway was an expensive failure. It seems to be more behavioral than anything. If I stand right there and say "Use your box", she will. (Knows she's gonna get a treat!) crate-training helped the first time, by the 4th it was fruitless. Called the rescue she came from but they won't take her back, saying she's un-adoptable, and the only choice left is to put her down. So, this is pretty much her last chance. Getting the medication into her is no walk in the park, either - she hooked a claw right into a vein on my arm last night. I advertised her for adoption last week, just to see if I got any takers, and all I got was a kid with a boa constrictor.
I've had 4...
I was a flake, but I was also a fertile turtle and a statistic: 2 pregnancies happened WHILE on birth control. The first time, I was a teenager. There is no way I could have had a kid. I don't regret ending the pregnancies; I didn't feel guilty, & I still don't. I remember at the time I was consumed with anxiety about the whole thing, but I never considered having a baby & giving it up. Selfish? Whatever. Sometimes I think the word "selfish" has gotten a bad rap. I couldn't formulate the thought of, let alone wrap my mind around, the concept of going through a pregnancy & making someone else a parent when I was 16.
The last 2 pregnancies occurred when I was on birth control and was married. I simply did not want to have a kid. Period.
For awhile 4 abortions seemed like a huge number until I talked to a birth control counselor at a college I was going to...she told me that on her first day as a counselor she had talked to a woman who had had 28 (not a typo) abortions. Now THAT is extreme. I don't think abortion should be a form of birth control.
I've never regretted not having children. There have been times I have regretted not having gone through the birth experience, but I have never, ever wanted to be a parent. So it's okay. Mothering, at least in part, can be experienced in other ways (beyond the scope of this post), & this is enough for me.
I've done it - sm
When we would go on vacation and still had milk I'd freeze it rather than pour it down the drain. It always seemed fine when I thawed it out again. Not to mention, I used to always freeze breast-milk when I was working out of the house or for babysitters (for what it's worth). Go ahead - give it a try. The only thing, though, it will probably go bad a little faster after it's thawed.
I've been there
I have been in your shoes. Last year my husband died unexpectedly at age 56, I literally woke up one morning and he was dead in our bed next to me (aneurysm). That started a downhill spiral . . . . since then I've lost our home to foreclosure, my car has been repo'd, and I lost my job due to cuts at the hospital. I can't begin to tell you how depressed I've been. I've had to make some major changes as you can well imagine. I am working now and starting to pull myself up out of the dark hole I've been in.
The poster above is right. You need to see a doctor. I found out that most major health systems have programs for those of us with no insurance and no money. Call their financial offices and just tell them point blank you need to be seen and you have no insurance. They will not refuse you. I found a clinic near my house that is part of a large hospital. I was able to see a doctor for a physical and get my annual Pap and mammogram done at no charge. They gave me samples of my medications (I have asthma) for a few months until I had insurance again. They prescribed an antidepressant which worked wonders and they gave me that as samples each month.
Move closer to your family. You'd be surprised how supportive and helpful they can be. My family has been supportive of all the decisions I've had to make and helped me through them. Spend time with your grandchild, kids can make you feel so much better. If you're not making much money, go sign up for assistance. I did. I didn't think I ever would, but I had no choice. For just myself I was given 174.00 a month for food and it helped out tremendously. I know it's hard, but you have worked all these years and you have paid into these programs all along, now is the time for you to benefit from them. You may be hesitant to take free medical care or ask for food benefits, but remember THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY and you will get back on your feet. It may take a while, but you will make it. Good luck to you.
|
