I would never put you on guilt trip for that
Posted By: Bee on 2007-07-11
In Reply to: Boy was I just told - NOT - sm - snarky
That little beast is a nervy ho!!!! The worst part of having kids is dealing with other kids and their parents. How DARE she do that? Use your computer? But I will say, this will be an ongoing war for eternity now with the mother.
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please don't take on any guilt that someone--sm
else is trying to lay on you. You have enough to worry about without feeling guilty about a human reaction. First off, it was not your husband's fault for not taking the quad off the trailer. It was all your BIL responsibility once he took the vehicles to his property, to make sure they were safe. period. If they are reacting out of anger towards you now, it is because they feel the guilt of responsibility and it may end up costing them something in the future. They do not want to have to pay the consequences for their mistake...so...they are trying to turn it around on you and make you feel guilty for blaming them for your loss. they can only do that if you allow them to. You are in the right. You are also within your rights to attempt to recover for you loss, whether it is family or not. Secondly, the disagreement you got into with your sister is on her shoulders. Heated emails or not, she came to your house, became confrontational with you, and ended up placing her hands on you in anger. Whether she hurt you or not, she aggressively assaulted you. If you let it go this time, just like in any abuse case, be it male or female, it just gives her an open door to do it again, maybe not to you, but to someone else. She feels she can get what she wants by physical means, and that is wrong. You say she and her husband have always been this way, by screwing people over, so they can get what they want, no matter what the consequences. They have apparently never been made to pay the consequences of their actions. They have never learned not to be selfish. Family or not, sister or not, you have the right and obligation to defend yourself, your person and your property, against a selfish onslaught. As I said previously, your sister and BIL would be knocking on your door wanting compensation for their property if it had been stolen from you. Situations are always different when the shoe is on the other foot. Thirdly, even though you love your nephew dearly, she is the parent. It is her responsibility to act in such a way *maturely* so that her *business* is not in jeopardy and she will not lose her job or her home because of it. It is her actions that caused any consequences that come from this. Not yours. She seems to be very good at turning anything she does wrong onto someone else, making it their fault. Do not let her guilt you into thinking you did this, because you did not.
As you said. The damage is done. You cannot undo it. You cannot change it. You did the right thing in protecting yourself from her physical assault. Whatever happens now is a result of her actions, not yours. If per chance this ever calms down, and it will in time, perhaps an amicable solution would be for them to pay HALF of the loss. That way both parties take responsibility. That is just a suggestion. But please, please, do not take on the guilt she is trying to get you to take. Stay strong. Family or not, she had no right to inflict anything on you physically. Just remember that. Abuse is abuse whether you are hurt or not. Trust me on that. I have been there. I wish you all the best!
You ever think it may be guilt that has - sm
kept him from contacting her? People tend to sweep under the rug what they feel bad about, so maybe he swept his former life and child under the rug and cannot go back because he feels guilty of how he treated them. It does happen. Granted there are those who feel nothing and want nothing to do with their past "indiscretions", and are just horrible people to begin with. If it were me I'd get in touch, but with no expectations of becoming one happy family; basically for curiousity. My mom was adopted and on and off I have searched for her birth parents. She is dead now, and unless they are very, very old, her parents are dead too, but I may have some aunts and uncles I know nothing about as well as some cousins that I am still curious about and hope to one day meet. It took me a while but I got her birth certificate released via the courts when my mom was still alive and at least she died knowing her birthday really was her birthday (we had our doubts as her "parents" lied about so much) and the names of her parents, assuming they told the truth on the birth certificate, one never knows. Yes, her contacting her dad will ruffle some feathers but she has a right to contact him and should not let others stop her if she really wants to contact him just because they don't like the idea.
Guilt
Guilt is a major side effect of depression. Believe me, I know! I didn’t realize the extent of my depression until after I started treatment for it. Now that I am on the “other” side of the coin, I am much more aware of the symptoms and triggers. I, too, wondered why everything made me feel guilty, especially when no one really even tried to make me feel that way; I brought it on myself. For years, I kept asking myself why I was feeling that way and never came to a solid conclusion. Now that I am on medication, there was no real reason for my guilt other than I was depressed. I can honestly say that any guilt I feel right now is a normal healthy level, enough to help me remain considerate to others, but it is no longer a major part of my life. I feel like a slave who has been set free from bondage. I’ve learned that it’s okay to pamper myself and take care of some my own needs. However, I don’t think I could have ever done it on my own without the help of medication.
first, quit the guilt
If you have been burned by someone repeatedly, and they still want you around, they have to be open to your verification to gain your trust. He doesn't respect you enough to get help and stick with it, as he has proven repeatedly, so why should he be surprised if you want reassurance of his activities. If he doesn't want to change, then there is nothing you can do to make him. You have to decide if it is really worth hanging on. Is life apart from him really that much worse than with him? I would advise you to see if there is anyone you can talk to who is an expert on addiction and those who live with addicts (you didn't say whether you have a counselor available or maybe a support group). FWIW, I've been there, and I would never give a man as many chances as you have. It is your life. Reclaim it for yourself!
My point is that the e-mail check is not what you should worry about. How his problems affect your life/sanity/sense of self is what you should focus on.
Good luck!
Regardless, that doesn't take away his guilt sm
She didn't believe it then, but she does now. Better late than never. He is still guilty and people who are willing to do those types of things don't change. My point to Mrs. R is that we are not villifying men in general, this woman's husband is guilty of doing something very bad.
you're into guilt by association? s/m
As I know it, they broke up months ago..........so I have read...and anyway - you sound like my 87 year old mother!!! 
Guilt? I am much too old to think about such a superficial thing
I just wondered who makes you the guru of all things good or bad? I just happen to know that things mentioned here, not all, but some are absolutely good for you. My husband is a chef and I am a registered dietician. You need to go back on the other board where you always seem to stir things up.
Keep waking up at night - Guilt? Anxiety?
Okay - for months now I have been aking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and feeling hot. I have to sleep with a fan and keep fipping from one end of hte bed to ther other so the sheets will be cool. I guess that could just be that I'm hot, I don't know. Then I end up being awake for an hour or two while my mind wanders through everything that I am not happy with myself about and I end up making resolutions about how I am going to improve because I'm so bad, etc. I keep wondering if the heart racing is just physical and is maybe anxiety and I am trying to rationalize it as guilt so I start to try to think of what I might feel guilty about? Anyway, the next day I am fine, although I have started spending less money as a result of one of my late night attacks! Does anyone else do this or know what it is? I'm tired of it - and tired the next day!
either postpartum depression or embarrassed/guilt
I have known people to withdraw due to feeling like people are going to make fun of their child, blaming themselves or postpartum depression. Is this their first child? Could be that she is just simply overwhelmed. What does her mother-in-law/mother think? Is she also pulling away from them?
Just let her know that you are there for her even if that means sending her a card.
Confessional is for the purpose of relieving people's guilt of sin.
The law is written on mankind's heart. Confessional and or talking with your pastor is a helpful tool toward relieving guilt and for guidance. People who quote scripture like this should know it is fine to quote but also should be educated on the original purpose of confessional. No one ever said the Pastor is taking the place of Christ. Read up on Luther's papers, please.
I see where you are coming from because I would be nagged by guilt and feeling responsible
for the problem. I have those tendencies too. No way should you cash your IRA for a car.
Yes, guilt is my downfall. Now, I feel guilty because she has no life survival skills because I have
done everything for her...so now I blame myself about how she will survive because she has no idea what to do. I guess I didn't have anyone leading my way. I've been on my own since I was 16 years old and I made it okay. She calls me for EVERYTHING..how do I do this.. how do I do that and I know now it's time just to let her fall because she'll never learn how to pick herself up if I keep doing it. That's the hardest teacher..falling on your face. She even said that she feels different because she doesn't know anything other kids her age know how to do.. That right there should have made me STOP.. I have not done her any favors..When I thought I was helping her, I was just making it worse and enabling. I'm done with it. Thanks for listening.
Bus trip
I should've stayed home today because I have diarrhea, and I don't see a bathroom on this bus.
How about another trip?
What does she like? Is she interested in history or politics? If so, your area is full of historical places that you could visit for a day, a weekend, or a week. What about visiting D.C.? How about a trip to Mount Rushmore? Or Niagara Falls - see it from both sides. Visit some of the old forts up there.
If you're north of NY, what about Lake George? Or, go the Jersey shore, the Maine shore - kayak in the ocean.
I'm sure you'll find some great way to celebrate. Let us know what you decide, please?
re: son's trip
HI Trose,
I just want to say that this opportunity just might be what God will use to show your son where He wants him in ministry or use it to call him to the mission field. I know it is hard to let him go especially after what happened, but remember this....God will not allow that boy to die before his time and God is in control of his life! If your son is a strong christian, like my 17 yr old son who also wants to be a missionary, then He has given his life to the Lord and he wants to serve Him. Do not get in the way of the Lord using your son....Trust Jesus...He will protect him and guide him and direct him in all his ways....He goes before Him and is his rear guard....you can't help but allow him to be used of the Lord. My son is going to Thailand on his spring break this year as he is also a senior and loves the Lord and wants to serve Him on the mission field somewhere. We love him and want him to do what the Lord is calling him to do. It is hard to let them go, but Jesus is in control!
God bless you and your son!
IN HIM
Jan
trip
don't forget passoports there and airpot security -- Maybe a US territory no passport no hassle
BON YOAGE
Oh Boy! Field Trip! nm
x
This trip has gone to the dogs! (nm)
.
A trip to Ireland? (see msg)
Just talked to a dear friend on the phone over my break, who just got back from a tour guided trip to Ireland. She and her husband went to celebrate 30 years of a wonderful marriage. She tells me one woman went alone and had a great time. They stayed in a castle overnight and met the keeper of the castle, a wonderful Irish Wolfhound named Oscar. The thought of doing this is exciting and yet somewhat scary and depressing at the same time. I am single and so tired of being along and doing nothing I could scream! I am tired of always being looked upon as the one who is ALONE. . . Comments, PLEASE!
dream trip
Been trying to get my mom to go with me to Ireland....she lost her DH last year....I'll keep trying! 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQDPenBUC68
Vegas trip
Hey Hoku,
Well, give us all the dirt!!! Did you or did you not have a great time with your friend best friend in Vegas? Enquiring minds need to know!!!
Hey my hubby and I took a trip
to Williamsburg Virginia long time ago and went through Colonial Williamsburg, took a dinner cruise around the Navy ships in Norfolk, spent some time on Virginia Beach, went to a beautiful plantation! We have tons of pics but I have no idea where I put them all....geez I think that was like 20 years ago!
Just want to say my trip to Greece anything but fun
I would never go there again and would not tell anyone to do. The ugly American certainly was something I picked up on there, the people were obnoxious, really nasty to me- spent lots of $$$$ and sorry I ever visited.
the field trip?
I dont know. I wrote that in response to a thread below that talked about it. I do know that in this day and age any time a Christian tries to speak out about their beliefs, we are condemned. If a Christian wants their rights upheld, we are told that we shouldnt try to shove our religion down others throats. We cannot pray in school if we want. They take God out of the pledge of allegience because it is offensive to others. Well taking him out is offensive to ME. Our country was founded on a basic belief in God. We were God fearing people and there was NOT tolerance for things that went against him. But we have had political correctness shoved down our throats for so long that what used to be wrong is now right. We have become desensitized to sin. But God did say that this would happen and that in the end days his followers would be treated this way in his name. So I guess that is fine with me. I will always stand up for my Saviour, Jesus Christ, and I will always try to tell people about what he did for them, no matter how bad of a reaction or treatment I get.
sounds like a bad trip
The only time that ever happened to me was when I got some bad weed.
Trip to Vegas : ) Yipee!
x
Planning an overnight bus trip to NYC...
bags after we check out of our hotel on the 2nd day? I don't want to have to carry my luggage around all day. Surely others have run into this problem. Anyone have any ideas?? Thanks a bunch!!!
Cedric's first trip to the dog park
We had no idea how Cedric would do at the dog park, but his play with Sasha in our own backyard has been quite boisterous, and I wanted him to try playing with younger dogs. We brought him in and all he wanted to do was smell the fragrances around the gate. He looked alarmed to see other dogs roaming around. We could not coax him away from the gate, and finally DH leashed him up and walked him all around the inside perimeter and ended up on the far side. At this point he started cautiously sniffing actual dogs, and before long he was willing to romp a little as long as it was just one dog at a time. He did a little running and was having a great time, even when just watching a big pack of dogs running. You could see how he was learning all about interacting with dogs and playing with balls. At the very end it occurred to him there were also people to meet, but it was getting dark and Sasha wanted to walk the park path, so we did that. Cedric liked that too, but at first when he saw the tennis players whacking stuff with rackets, it confused him.
Then we got some food and gave the dogs their tiny bites, which is always a treat for them.
When we got home, Cedric climbed all over DH to show his appreciation, and today he has been lying at his feet. Plus, he has a new appreciation for a tennis ball we have, and when he got up on the couch with me, he chewed on that instead of me.
A very good activity for Cedric.
Hoku/Vegas trip..see above..nm
*
How would St. Lucia be for anniversary trip?
I have heard from a few people it is fabulous and worth every penny, but I wonder what anyone out there has heard. I really want a special and very memorable trip because this is our 25th anniversary. Are there any tips anyone can offer? Any insight anyone has would be much appreciated! 
Two words from me....ROAD TRIP!!!! Yea!! nm
nm.
Planning a trip to New York City and
was looking for suggestions on a nice hotel to stay in and what are some of the best sites to see. Will only be there for four days at the end of May and want to cram as much in as possible.
How much money would you give towards this field trip....sm
16-year-old comes in from school today and says the drama teacher has invited the 3rd and 4th year drama classes to go to New York in March for a week to see shows and tour the city. Supposedly the cost would be around $700, including airfare from Atlanta, lodging, meals, tickets to shows, etc. I asked what fundraisers were going to be held and she had no idea if any would be. Personally I don't see how they can do the trip to include meals, travel, hotels, shows, etc. for just $700 a person and am presuming that's going to be around the amount that would be proposed to the students to pay after fundraisers are done.
My daughter asked how much I'd contribute to the cause.
She doesn't work and doesn't drive (scared to learn so we don't push it - don't want her to drive if she doesn't want to).
She is a good student.
I told her first off that she would also need to get a job because we're not going to pay all of this ourselves and take away the money from the family vacation for next year (we do a family budget of $1000 for vacations and that's for 4 of us).
We're not rich but do put "x" amount of money into the savings account each month as we want to move to a different area in a couple of years.
So.... how much do you think we should require her to raise herself and how much should we pay? I was thinking that maybe to contribute $200 would be plenty generous and let her get a part-time job after school/weekends to raise the rest + spending money. Do you think I'm being a cheapskate for that or do you think it's a fair amount?
Okay, planning a trip to see some snow (first in 10 years). Here's what I need! sm
Where can I go just north of Atlanta, GA, to see a good amount of snow that isn't too far? I have no clue! I'm thinking around mid Dec. Want to take the kids. With or without hubby. I'm not looking to snow ski, just take them to see snow for the first time in their lives. NC? TN? I have no idea! 
Would this have made you mad - husband planning trip
My husband has a habit of making plans and then telling me where I am expected to be without discussing it with me first. This drives me crazy and I have asked him many times to stop. He also makes lots of plans for himself for weekend and sometimes 3 or 4 day trips and just e-mails me a note to put it on my calendar, without asking if I mind. He does this all the time.
Yesterday he came home from work and announced that "Joe and I are planning a family trip for this summer, so start saving your money." I said, oh is Joe your wife now?? Do you think you could ask me if I want to go there before you tell me to save my money?" So he got really angry and started yelling at me that I never understand anything. I told him I like to be treated as an equal in the marriage and that I would not plan a trip for him without discussing it with him. It is a HUGE trip, to California, and we live in NC. I would have been happy if he came home and suggested it to see what I thought..but I was angry that he planned it out that way. He wants us to go with a family that I have never met. My kids are elementary age and their kids are in high school. The two men would be in conferences all day so this other lady and her kids and me and my kids are expected to hang out together. He is very furious with me for not being receptive to this whole plan. Should I have not been mad?
I'm giving mine a trip to Vegas
NM
Field trip to see lesbian wedding
First-graders in San Francisco took a field trip to City Hall to celebrate the marriage of their lesbian teacher on Friday, but opponents of same-sex marriage in the state say the field trip was an attempt to “indoctrinate” the students, the San Francisco Chronicle reported.
The field trip was suggested by a parent at the Creative Arts Charter School, and the school said the trip, where students tossed rose petals on their teacher and her wife as they left City Hall, was academically relevant.
"It really is what we call a teachable moment," said Liz Jaroslow, the school’s interim director, according to the newspaper. She said same-sex marriage had historic significance. "I think I'm well within the parameters."
California will vote on Nov. 4 on Proposition 8 which seeks to ban same-sex marriage in the state, and supporters of the measure say the field trip shows that allowing same-sex marriage will mean it’s taught to school children, the newspaper said.
"It's just utterly unreasonable that a public school field trip would be to a same-sex wedding," said Chip White, press secretary for the Yes on 8 campaign, told the Chronicle. "This is overt indoctrination of children who are too young to have an understanding of its purpose."
Filled up the Bounder for our first trip last week. It cost $897.52.
We will probably camping longer and routing very cautiously this year. No more spur-of-moment long-distance trips.
My round trip commute is 30 miles. I ride the bus every day.....
It is free to employees of the hospital I work for.
Make a trip to one of your larger nurseries and work with what's native to your area. Spireas are
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