I would choose the ISS because the paddling is ineffective.
Posted By: sm on 2007-12-07
In Reply to: What would you do? School trouble. - concerned mama MT
If all the kids are choosing swatting, obviously, they see it as the lesser punishment. Your daughter is very concerned about school, and you described her as a type A personality. So now here's the opportunity to teach her to put things in perspective.
I think ISS is a more appropriate punishment. She was wasting class time by being late to class. I think 5 tardies is substantial. By age 14, she should be able to get herself to class on time and start building up some self-control when it comes to the chit-chat. So, since she wasted time, she should have to pay time back. That comes at the expense of the class she is so concerned about. A lower grade may indeed be the lesser consequence, but is she going to fail out of school and never get into college and end up homeless on the street because of the lower grade in one class at age 14? No. Certainly not!
As a parent, you need to look at things long-term, because kids can't. You also need to steel yourself for the major melt down she will probably have if you don't permit the swatting. This, I think, is the hardest part of the entire learning experience for most moms. Some moms fall all to pieces in these situations. And don't flame me, but from what I've observed, it seems to happen more with mothers and daughters, especially if there's an element of "everyone-else-is-doing-it".
So look down life's road for your daughter, get your nerve together, and tell her the ISS is the better choice. When she falls to pieces, don't play into it. In the end, it will be worth it. The ISS will be the deterrent that will work for your type A daughter in the future. The paddle can never have that sort of influence over her.
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I agree, paddling is barbaric and, according to your daughter, is ineffective
Even she would rather have it than ISS, thusly restriction of freedom is a greater punishment than pain. I am with you, I don't know why this is still in effect. I also live in the south and have to write a letter every year stating my child is not allowed to be paddled. Believe me he would MUCH rather be paddled than have the Xbox Live and TV taken away from him!!!
Teenage 'virginity pledges' are ineffective
By Rob Stein
!["](http://msnbcmedia1.msn.com/i/msnbc/Components/Art/SITEWIDE/PartnerColorBoxLogos/WaPost_333_GCH.gif") updated 7:20 a.m. CT, Mon., Dec. 29, 2008
Teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence and are significantly less likely to use condoms and other forms of birth control when they do, according to a study released today.
The new analysis of data from a large federal survey found that more than half of youths became sexually active before marriage regardless of whether they had taken a "virginity pledge," but that the percentage who took precautions against pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases was 10 points lower for pledgers than for non-pledgers.
"Taking a pledge doesn't seem to make any difference at all in any sexual behavior," said Janet E. Rosenbaum of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, whose report appears in the January issue of the journal Pediatrics. "But it does seem to make a difference in condom use and other forms of birth control that is quite striking."
The study is the latest in a series that have raised questions about programs that focus on encouraging abstinence until marriage, including those that specifically ask students to publicly declare their intention to remain virgins. The new analysis, however, goes beyond earlier analyses by focusing on teens who had similar values about sex and other issues before they took a virginity pledge. "Previous studies would compare a mixture of apples and oranges," Rosenbaum said. "I tried to pull out the apples and compare only the apples to other apples."
The findings are reigniting the debate about the effectiveness of abstinence-focused sexual education just as Congress and the new Obama administration are about to reconsider the more than $176 million in annual funding for such programs. "This study again raises the issue of why the federal government is continuing to invest in abstinence-only programs," said Sarah Brown of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. "What have we gained if we only encourage young people to delay sex until they are older, but then when they do become sexually active — and most do well before marriage — they don't protect themselves or their partners?"
'Get real about sex education' James Wagoner of the advocacy group Advocates for Youth agreed: "The Democratic Congress needs to get its head out of the sand and get real about sex education in America." Proponents of such programs, however, dismissed the study as flawed and argued that programs that focus on abstinence go much further than simply asking youths to make a one-time promise to remain virgins. "It is remarkable that an author who employs rigorous research methodology would then compromise those standards by making wild, ideologically tainted and inaccurate analysis regarding the content of abstinence education programs," said Valerie Huber of the National Abstinence Education Association. Rosenbaum analyzed data collected by the federal government's National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, which gathered detailed information from a representative sample of about 11,000 students in grades seven through 12 in 1995, 1996 and 2001.
Although researchers have analyzed data from that survey before to examine abstinence education programs, the new study is the first to use a more stringent method to account for other factors that could influence the teens' behavior, such as their attitudes about sex before they took the pledge.
100 variables
Rosenbaum focused on about 3,400 students who had not had sex or taken a virginity pledge in 1995. She compared 289 students who were 17 years old on average in 1996, when they took a virginity pledge, with 645 who did not take a pledge but were otherwise similar. She based that judgment on about 100 variables, including their attitudes and their parents' attitudes about sex and their perception of their friends' attitudes about sex and birth control.
"This study came about because somebody who decides to take a virginity pledge tends to be different from the average American teenager. The pledgers tend to be more religious. They tend to be more conservative. They tend to be less positive about sex. There are some striking differences," Rosenbaum said. "So comparing pledgers to all non-pledgers doesn't make a lot of sense."
By 2001, Rosenbaum found, 82 percent of those who had taken a pledge had retracted their promises, and there was no significant difference in the proportion of students in both groups who had engaged in any type of sexual activity, including giving or receiving oral sex, vaginal intercourse, the age at which they first had sex, or their number of sexual partners. More than half of both groups had engaged in various types of sexual activity, had an average of about three sexual partners and had had sex for the first time by age 21 even if they were unmarried.
"It seems that pledgers aren't really internalizing the pledge," Rosenbaum said. "Participating in a program doesn't appear to be motivating them to change their behavior. It seems like abstinence has to come from an individual conviction rather than participating in a program."
'Negative views about condoms'
While there was no difference in the rate of sexually transmitted diseases in the two groups, the percentage of students who reported condom use was about 10 points lower for those who had taken the pledge, and they were about 6 percentage points less likely to use any form of contraception. For example, about 24 percent of those who had taken a pledge said they always used a condom, compared with about 34 percent of those who had not.
Rosenbaum attributed the difference to what youths learn about condoms in abstinence-focused programs.
"There's been a lot of work that has found that teenagers who take part in abstinence-only education have more negative views about condoms," she said. "They tend not to give accurate information about condoms and birth control." But Huber disputed that charge.
"Abstinence education programs provide accurate information on the level of protection offered through the typical use of condoms and contraception," she said. "Students understand that while condoms may reduce the risk of infection and/or pregnancy, they do not remove the risk."
Paddling
I most definitely would not sign a permission slip to let somebody hit my child. I don't hit my child and obviously from what you wrote, it is not a very effective punishment. I bet the school could come up with some real killer punishments, like having the kids do clean up around the school grounds or bathrooms! Now that would shut up my little chatty-cathy. Speaking of whom, she told me today she would rather be in school than not be in school, she loves it there, but unfortunately she has no inclination to get a job, I guess she'll be one of those people who go to school as a career!
Paddling
Both of my children, a son (age 32) and a daughter (age 26) went to a Christian academy their whole school career. My daughter going on to a Christian college. They were both paddled in school. I knew this ahead of time when I signed the papers for them to go to school. They were given demerits for things such as lying and cheating, disrespect of a teacher or anyone in authority. They were given a chance to work off demerits (going a week without any, cleaning). When 10 demerits were accrued the principal gave them 3 swats, not a beating. Both of my children are well-rounded and respectful adults. My son owns his own business, is married and has a daughter (who, yes gets a spanking now and then). My daughter is a Christian school teacher. I can count on one hand how many times my children were paddled in school. It deterred them greatly from being rebels. We also spanked them at home when need be. They have both told my husband and myself how grateful they are that they were reared with boundaries. If the administration of the paddling is done without anger, I see nothing wrong with it myself.
Paddling vs ISS
I would pick the in school suspension to get the tardy message across. My son, who is 11 has ADHD and for him to lose recess is the biggest thing that could happen to him for punishment. Perhaps the same principle will work with your daughter. JMO.
On paddling
As a former teacher who had one student paddled by the principal (I had to witness, but only the principal was allowed to paddle), I have to say I would NEVER do it again. It was just dehumanizing to have to stand there and watch the kid get hit. He wasn't being hurt and it was done in the office with just the principal and myself - no public humiliations. But, it was an awful feeling and I promised myself never again. I'm from the generation that was coporally punished, but I don't think it's a good idea. A swat on the bottom for a young children is okay, but paddling....
Your child's friend is correct - it stings. If done correctly, the child is asked to bend over from a standing position and place his hands on his knees. This leaves the buttocks available as an easy target and prevents the child from contracting the buttocks, which takes the sting out. It does not leave bruises if it is done with a thick wooden paddle and usually about 5 swats is it.
I'm sorry to hear this, but as you say, she knew there would be consequences to infractions. Tell her to wear her heaviest jeans and an extra pair of undies.
SIGN THE NO PADDLING....
figures, it would be Texas paddling the children......no offense to our posters from Texas......I just somehow knew upon reading further down the page that it was going to be TEXAS paddling children still in the 21st Century. Give me a break......
Nobody can whack my kid, except me....*lol*
Paddling v in school suspension
I would never sign a paddling allowed slip. If I were not there, what would the person doing the paddling be like? Your daughter says everyone else is because it does not hurt. What if they change the person and it is way too much? Besides, to me 14 years old is too old for a spanking. Taking away school time in the inschool suspension is better I believe. I remember how everyone hated detention in my days, and had to sit there with the troublemakers, and do extra work. It was really embarrassing! I say do what your heart tells you, not what your daughter tells you. You are the parent! If your heart says there is reasonable doubt there is something wrong with paddling go with that IMO. My best to you! 
a single paddling at school is different
from a parent keeping a paddle at home during the summer. I'm wondering why you need to go on and on about this.
My past is my past. I believe each parent has the right to raise their children in a manner that suites each family. My hope is that physical punishment is limited, but there are other methods of physical punishment other than paddling which can do worse harm to a child. Even verbal abuse can be worse.
Thank you for your sympathy for the decisions my parents made, but those things are in the past. BTW, I don't let people get close before of emotional manipulations by people in my adult life and not having learned how to stand up for myself when I was a child. Now I have learned those leasons and just use more caution about whom I take into my confidence. I'm not as screwed up as I feel you are trying to intimate :)
I would sign the "no paddling" slip (sm)
I don't punish my children by spanking and they are generally very good kids and do what they are supposed to do. When they do slip up and do something wrong, there are plenty of punishments that don't include hitting them. In general, the children I see whose parents spank them are less well behaved than those who are not spanked. I know someone who punishes her children harshly in my opinion - and they are very good as long as she is around or if they think she can find out what they have done wrong - but if they see a chance to be bad they jump at it. I do think it is an archaic type of punishment and has no place in the world. I say let her do ISS and maybe think of a punishment at home if it keeps happening, like grounding her from a privelege she enjoys or something like that. No hitting!
Paddling is child abuse. Even Florida doesn't allow it.
xx
Of course they choose the most vulnerable--sm
women to prey on. If they chose a stronger woman, their controlling ways would not work. My ex did the same thing regarding the counselor. He went to two visits, said the counselor was a quack, and he would not go back. Anything that was ruined or destroyed during his anger fits were my things...never his.
as far as leaving...I had three kids to take care of, and survival was an issue for me too, but it can be done. Please do not just stick around because you fear not being able to take care of yourself and your kids. You are basically doing that now and you would have less stress to deal with. My kids were small too, two in school and one not. I HAD to do it, or I would be dead today. My ex husband never changed his ways...never. He took his own life when he could not control his last wife the way he controlled the others. I would never say this to my kids, as they were devastated when he took his own life, but between you, me, and the fencepost (Lord forgive me), I feel he was a coward. Rather than change his ways to make HIMSELF happy, he chose to end his *suffering*, with no regard to who he left behind to deal with their own suffering. It is hard. It is a big step to leave, but it gets better with time. Trust me on that. I make good money now and take care of ONLY me. My kids are grown and on their own, all with anger issues of their own, and I worry about that. But please, please, don't stay where you are just because you fear not being able to take care of yourself. God provides. Just ask. and that is the truth. good luck to you. If you wish to email me, you can. God Bless you and yours. May he give you strength and peace. You deserve nothing less.
We do have a choice. We can choose to keep our
undies on and not engage in sex or we can choose some form of birth control (albeit it fails from time to time).
CHOOSE not to take it so personally
The key word here is "elderly" - remember she is the one with the ailment - and she's not THINKING this might hurt Kimmie's feelings. She's frustrated with the problem and the fact that what you got didnot work for her - and she's probably being considerate in paying you.
Have you considered that you may be looking for reasons to be offended?
You can CHOOSE to see this whatever way you want. If you feel real hurt was intended then you deal with that directly: Aunt ___ I felt a bit hurt by your response to ____.
COMMUNICATION is a great thing when we do it - and it always takes at least two.
Good luck! P.S. what was the stuff you got her? I might be able to use it!! :)
Whatever it is you choose to wear...
just make sure it compliments the bridal party's ensemble.
It doesn't necessarily have to be a solid color, but if you choose a dress with floral patterns, make sure it doesn't clash too much with the MOB or the rest of the bridal party.
Go here (but in case it does not show) Smarter.com and search mother of the groom dress. It will give you several online stores. At least you can get an idea of what you might want.
http://www.smarter.com/---se--qq-mother%2Bof%2Bthe%2Bgroom%2Bdress.html
HMR is better - and you can pick and choose
My mother got NutriSystem and most of the meals are unpalatable and I can eat about anything (some were okay). HMR is actually good. Difference is breakfast consists of shakes/cereal.
We have 9 to choose from, not including
xx
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
I believe we are still free to choose our battles here.
Just because you are an all-or-nothing gal doesn't mean I have to be!
:)
I feel bad for you but did she choose DNR status?
My father died last year and he was a DNR and had a Living Will stating *no heroic measures* - at that point they oinly do *comfort care*.......
Very sorry for your experience!!!!! *gentle hug*
Choose the correct path
You are walking down a road and you encounter a fork in the road and you do not know the correct way to go. There are two men standing at the junction and both know the correct road. One man always lies, and the other man always tells the truth, but you do not know who is the liar and who is the one who tells the truth. You can only ask each man one question, but it must be the same question for both. What is the question that would allow you to get the information necessary to choose the correct path?
You are all so creative! I need help! I will choose the best answer sm
and so I hope you can help us!! My husband and I teach an adult Sunday School class married couples class. We need to come up with a catchy name to put in the bulletins, on-line, on the screen in the sanctuary to let others know about our class. We can't come up with anything! One couple suggested Married Rockstars! How hilarious is that? Of course, my husband and I don't look anything like rock stars. Couples of all ages and personality types come to the class. Can you think of anything?? It's been 2 weeks since we've been trying to come up with something! The ages range from 25-45 or so. Thank you so much!!!!!!!! 
If she wants to choose whether or not a baby results from sex
then she better choose to block that sperm from reaching the egg, because if it does, well then, a baby may very well result from sex. I mean, I understand when it's very, very early, but come on, abortion has really been taken way, way too far, to the point of murder of a full-fledged baby, and some people think, hey, that's okay, it's the mother's decision.
We all have a right to choose how we spend our time (sm)
If that makes you happy then fine. That would not make me happy. I am not "simpering" or helpless. Also not a slave.
you can choose a realtor who uses/lists
with the MLS service. We've moved a lot and never would use a realtor who didn't.
We had luck too before listing in the LA Times or San Fran papers when we had a place in the country/mid USA..had a party fly out to see it, and paid cash. Appeal to what people are wanting, ie, escape the high crime, the crowded city, live surrounded by nature/georgeous trees...good luck!
Because I choose not too...I am not complaining, just said it would be easier.
nm
No, to date one can CHOOSE one's treatment.
nobody can force a treatment on you.
The mother has the son's trust, otherwise he would have stayed with the father.
Obviously the father wants to subject the son to this chemo, therefore mother & son ran away.
This boy is going through he** durin this chemo treatment and his mother looks for a less aggressive, accepteable one.
I hope they make it to Mexico...
Jon Bon Jovi or Richie Sambora, I don't know which I'd choose!
GORGEOUS!!!
You choose to stay in this situation. Until you make
x
I guess the difference is people should choose what they want to do (sm)
I do like yard sales but would also like to buy some new things that we need. I think my whole issue is that people should have a choice in what they do and how they do them. No one else should be forcing upon you the way you have to do things. The fact that you enjoy those things is wonderful. If someone was trying to force you to do them even if you didn't want to, that is not so wonderful. For example, I love to cook and I decorate beautiful cakes for all occasions for my family. If I did not enjoy doing those things and someone kept trying to force me to do them, that would be wrong. Do you see the difference?
Don't let him choose. If you do the cooking, you plan the menu!
At my house, my kitchen is not a restaurant. You eat what I make or you fend for yourself. Now of course I know my family's likes and dislikes and I do take requests, but if you're going to turn you nose up at everything I suggest without offering anything up, you get what you get!
maybe should choose a grounding option other than a wedding.
nm
Who's jealous? I'm not overweight. I just choose not to dress
like a prostitute, or someone proud of their anus hairs - lol. I've obviously struck a nerve with you though... Don't worry, you'll grow out of it someday and realize you're worth more than that.
People don't choose their face...plus she's kind of pretty! sm
Sometimes the shallowness of people overwhelms me. Why can't we just give credi where it is due and admit the woman has a great body, especially for her age, or just say nothing? Why do we need to insult her? I do have a very pretty face and I do need to lose weight but I don't feel a need to hurt anyone else to make myself feel better.
I am MY property. If I choose to use my assets for money, that is MY business!
//
Why not give him some rings to choose from and let him make the final decision?
Some guys want to say they picked it out. Makes them proud to say they did so. Ultimately, it is not really about the ring, the wedding, or any of that. It is about how you two will live your lives together. Congratulations!
Regardless of what medicated shampoo you choose, you must also rinse very well to eliminate any buil
no message
Oh, it's not a matter of wanting to pick and choose the data I "like" - if I want (sm)
to see that being done I need only drop down one forum in the list. ;-) Plenty of opportunities to fill that void there, if one chooses to.
No, I'm just not blindly accepting of whatever is proffered as valid data, and must -- as should we all -- consider the possible bias of those presenting same.
Download irfanview, open an image, choose Image, then
Image resize/resample and change the size of the image, save it.
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