I was the same age when I became active - sm
Posted By: XXX on 2007-10-09
In Reply to: I need some advice from... - you ladies...sm
and slept with my boyfriend. My mom always thought it was my college boyfriend and I never corrected that assumption. I think I just did it because the hormones were raging more than anything, your daughter is most likely going through the same thing. My mom also asked me to wait until I got married, I told her pointblank that was not going to happen (I was 14 during that conversation but already a horny girl); plus I wanted to live with my future husband to hopefully avoid divorce (so far so good on that, and yes I did live with my DH for about 8 months before we got married). I also went out with plenty of losers. My parents were smart about it, as you appear to be doing, though demanding he get a checkup and HIV test may be a bit too far, plus he will just tell you to jump in a lake probably. From the sounds of it you would not have been happy if the guy was a freshman at Harvard. You knew she'd have sex sometime and assumed she would wait, big mistake. If that is what you did, great, or if you wish you had and did not and regreted it, so be it, you cannot live through your daughter. The only thing I have asked of my kids is to wait until after they graduate high school (that is what I did as the guys had very big mouths and have to brag); now if they don't that is their business and they will have to live with the consequences/rep they get, whatever. I hope they heed my advice but I won't freak out if they don't. As for taking her to the ob/gyn, that is a great idea though. They say to start at about 16 I think anyway, whether or not sexually active. I took myself when I was 17 and still in high school to get on the pill (did not ask parents/mom on that, did it on my own; drove over state lines to do it too). I had the hots for my on and off boyfriend and thought on prom night we'd "do it". Never happened, but that is fine. There is probably a lot she does that you don't know about no matter how close you are. I was very close to my mom but believe me she did not know everything. Eventually she will wise up about the boyfriend, especially if she has plans to do to college. Just try to chill out some and take it easy. Good luck.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Not too much, but I would have been more active.
I've actually done pretty much everything that I've wanted to do to this point. But I wish I had been more active and kept the weight off all along rather than struggling to lose 70 pounds in my 40s. I should have been out riding my bike, hiking on trails, the things I love to do now.
The one thing that I did at age 45, I think I would have done sooner in life. I had a breast reduction and went from a DDD/E cup to a C. Now being active is much easier, because I'm not carrying around the big girls lashed to my shoulders. LOL
Is your hubby active?
What I mean is he involved in outside interests clubs,volunteer ,maybe a hobby? I know a lot of yall here are still working fulltime, but there will come that day when you and hubby will be together all day side by side!! just wish mine would find an outside interest but he finds something wrong with any suggestion so I have quit saying anything he loves to stay at home.
For my grandmother, who is still active but
on a limited income I give her all occasion cards and stamps. She has told my mother many times what a great help they are to her.
If they are active in their community, then why
are you saying in quotations they are showing the children off? I think this speaks a lot for the way you are feeling towards them or her and it seems to me maybe she loves them and wants to let people know her grandchildren also. As a child I had to go spend time at my great aunt and uncle's house and they did not even have a television, only farm books, absolutely nothing for kids- we were not told we would do cookies. We went and said nothing- we were children but a little bit older than yours now. Why do you not send them a care gift for there, things they might enjoy doing on their own so their grandparents might also get time with them?
My son is 15 and just recently became sexually active... SM
Some of you may remember my posting a few weeks back about him. Anyway, I just found out that he has been having sex with his girlfriend. And get this! She is the same age as him, but was by far not a virgin when they started going together. I have always, always, ALWAYS try to remain calm and encourage my son to talk to me no matter how uncomfortable I may feel. And let me tell you, I feel the same as you -- sick to my stomach. When I found out he was having sex, I felt like someone punched me in the gut! I raised him in church, taught him to wait for marriage for sex, that sex is best shared with someone you are in love with, sex should not be had casually. Didn't matter. Before I found out that he was sexually active, I had the "sex talk" with him again just to reiterate a few of the finer points and I talked about waiting for marriage or at the very least, love. He actually laughed at me and said "mom, I don't know anyone - boy or girl - that is waiting until they get married."
How I found out that my son was having sex was I was going through his room because I had reason to believe he was smoking pot. I found two joints and a box of condoms in one of his dresser drawers. Here's how I handled it. I confronted him with the pot and grounded his behind for a month. He also had to take a drug test which was negative (still baffles me, I guess I caught him before he tried it). With the condoms, I simply said "I'm going to give these back to you because I appreciate the fact that if you are having sex, you are at least being smart about it. Please don't do anything stupid."
I left it at that until I had another opening and then I told him how girls get pregnant sometimes on purpose, sometimes out of ignorance of birth controls. I've talked about STDs and HIV and how not only can unprotected sex will make him a father, a responsibility he is not near ready for, but it can also be an eventual death sentence. Every time we talk and I feel like I have an opening, I talk about safe sex and our moral and religious beliefs on sex.
I figure that is all I can do. I can't follow him around every day, on every date. And the truth is, I didn't wait until I was married. My mom said I would go to heck for having premarital sex and hellfire and eternal damnation didn't stop me from having sex.
The only advice I can give you is meet it head on. Don't act hysterical. Just approach straight-forward. She's having sex. It doesn't matter how you feel about it now. She's having it. Now your best course of action is to make sure she's smart and she protects herself. We live in a world where we have to balance our morality with practicality. It sucks, but that's the way it is.
Anyway, your not alone sister! Little comfort, I know.
If you feel good, like how you look in and out of your clothes, and are active, be
s
My husband is a runner and is very active in his track club.
He drives me a little crazy, because it's nothing for him to run 10-miles for a "simple" workout. But he does a lot with the club by setting up races, some of which benefit charities. And he's very good, by the way. He's finished well in national track meets. He's also the treasurer for our son's boy scout troop. I'm an assistant scoutmaster and do all of the outside stuff with the kids. Hubby HATES camping, hiking, backpacking. But that's the stuff for me! Our interests overlap in a few areas, but there have been times that we even take separate vacations. (Lots of people gasp at that.) But, occasionally, we can combine them. He's running in Maine next year, and I know that there is a river that passes in front of our hotel. I'm bringing my kayak! He can run all he wants! :)
As an active dieter, you officially have my pity! (But you will have a small butt than me).....sm
The salmon cakes sound so yummy, love seafood, I usually make crab cakes, will try the salmon, do you make it essentially the same way? thanks!
|
