I turned out really well, thanks to the village that raised me.
Posted By: unclean on 2007-08-08
In Reply to: would you mind - telling me
And, I had a really wonderful dad. I guess the best thing for you to do is to make your daughter's friend feel welcome in your home. My best friends growing up had great families, and I loved going to their houses for sleepovers, dinners, and just hanging out. Their examples gave me good models for how to care for my family and home when I became a wife and mother. As I said, this was back in the 1960s, and no one talked about such things in those days. So no one ever took me aside and talked to me about what was going on at home. I suppose, had it been going on in this day and age, the schools and authorities would have been contacted and I'd have had counseling, and whatever else is done these days. I'm not saying those are bad things, just that the people in my small town simply went with their intuition. They knew I didn't have a stable home life, so they offered it to me in their own homes. I remember all the mothers of my friends very fondly, to this day. All of them have since passed away. They were wonderful women. One in particular, kept in touch with me for years after I grew up and moved away, and even hand-knit Christmas stockings for my family, which I treasure to this day.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Dear Sister and The Village Idiiot
Will you stop trying to be " The Hip Hop Rap a Tap" Mother. You raised you kid to hate it's own race. You raised a Little Want to be Gangsta, no wonder she got shot. Please stop acting like you have your cr@p together. If you did you wouldn't owe the IRS over $60,000. And why don't you concentrate on paying them instead of flying to FL to swim with Flipper. P.S. The Gov is not going to bail you out with a Motorhome, Timeshare etc... And the Gov was out to screw you and your lowlife friends when they changed the bankruptcy laws. They were just fed up with your kind.
Oh yeah remember the rose tattoo around your bellybutton? The one you feel you need to wear teenagers clothes to show off? Well when you got it and drew it on a post it note and you said it just like. Remember I crumpled it up and unfolded it and I said it would look that when you were 50?
Happy 54 Birthday and it does look just like it!!! Gotta Go I am shopping for a Corvette Sign, Mike your redneck brother who gets up everyday to work for the MAN. You know the one with a retirement plan and a 401K. The one you always looked down at for not being what you thought was cool.
P.S. I retire in 3.5 years and leaving the state. So don't expect me to bail your broke lazy A$$ out.
When I turned 30, that was my roughest, until I turned 40, which was my roughest until I turned 50 .
x
I, too, am with you on this - was raised by someone..
This is a very imperfect world and hence, I never expect children to be perfect - just to do the best that they can and to continue to move in a forward pattern.
We are all humans and we all forget stuff.
My mother ruled with an iron fist and you could eat off her floors. My house is nice, neat, and clean but I'm not iron-fisted nor was I ever nor will I ever be, and my kids are pretty well centered today, young adults with minimal problems, who work and are VERY RESPONSIBLE AND CARING human beings. *S* 
Of course, being ruled by someone iron-fisted (and abusive), I ended up in therapy for BEAUCOUP years as a young person; became a better mother because of it years later, proving that history does NOT necessarily repeat itself.....not all who come from abuse continue being abusers!! I broke the family generational history of all the bull and hypocrisy!
Again, this is a very imperfect world - nobody should expect perfection actually. 
Not always how they are raised
I too had a pitbull from 9 weeks of age. No one could have told me then that a dog raised as she was would turn out to be nothing by heartbreak. She was well socialized, raised around people, livestock, children, other dogs, and cats. We took her everywhere with us. She went to work with me every day on a ranch. She graduated top dog in her obedience class. She was the most wonderful loving dog, with us...until around the age of 3 years, then something snapped in her little brain and she became the killer the breed is known for. It happened overnight. We came home to find the cat she was raised with from a puppy ripped to shreds with blood all over the garage. After that, her personality changed. She became so spaced out every time she would see a small child, cat, or another dog. We tried to justify it, like a parent always does when their child does something horribly wrong. Then she got hold of another dog at the ranch whom she had known and played with for a year. Fortunately, that dog survived and we were rightfully sued big time. We had her destroyed the next day instead of taking a chance on her getting one of our children or one of the neighborhood children or somone elses pet. It was the hardest decision we have ever made, she was like our child.
The difference between pitbulls and MOST other breeds is that most other breeds bite and walk away, whereas pitbulls don't stop until they kill, it's in their blood. Once this instinct is turned on there is no shutting it off, and you can never know when and if this instinct will come out in your pitbull. I do know some nice old pitbulls who are sweathearts, but to me the risk is too great to take a chance knowing the potential they have to become killers without notice. There are too many other nice breeds out there where you will never have to worry about it. We now have a lab and our children and other pets, not to mention the neighborhood children and pets, are safe. My two cents based on personal experience on the subject.
You raised him. nm
mmm
I raised 2 boys on my own.
Maybe some of these techniques that assisted me can do the same for you:
1) Literally write down a list of rules that you want observed in your home. Not what you think you can get him to do but what you actually WANT. Make copies for his bedroom, for the refrigerator, for his billfold, for every room you can. (I printed mine off and framed them in certificate frames and hung them up. Be specific. Cover all areas.)
2) Literally write down behaviors and language you are not going to tolerate and rank them.
2) Literally write down a list of everything that is important to this youngster. Include friends (by name), electronics (iPod, computer, etc.), privileges (telephone, friends coming over, going out, driving), and places he enjoys going (movies, sports events, eating establishments, etc.). Rank these in order of importance to him.
3) If possible, have your husband (separated, correct?) to meet with you first and agree and provide a united front. Agree on what you expect of him as his parents, what is best for his wellbeing. Write down how you will construct discipline and dispense punishment. Make it appropriate, reasonable and, above all, something you will actually do.
5) Have a meeting with your son (and your husband, if he is onboard with you). Give your son a copy of the new rules, the discipline tactics, the unacceptable behaviors and the punishments. Go over each one of them. Don't argue. Don't explain too much. The lists are clear. Everything has a yes/no as to its use and everything has an if with it as well.
Here's the hardest part: Do what you say. If his language is offensive, he can't talk on the phone. Period. No exceptions, period. Even if you have to unplug it and keep the cord in your pocket. Never argue; never raise your voice. Just calmly make your statement and leave it alone. The more he carries on, the more trouble he will incur. Let him handle the stress of it. If you protect him from the consequences of his actions, he will never, ever change and never learn. (Warning: His behavior WILL get worse before it gets better and then it will wax/wane on occasion just to test the waters.)
Stay with him after school in his tutoring. I showed at school one day in high school for my oldest. One day for 2 classes and that was all it ever took. Made the difference with my youngest, too! Neither one wanted me showing up and sitting next to him in class! Be there but let the teacher do the tutoring. Just be there to enforce his attendance and understand what is happening in the sessions.
Praise good/changed behavior but do not reward it. If it is behavior you are wanting to be an expected behavior, praise it, acknowledge it. Reward exceptional behavior that goes beyond what you have set rules for.
Make sure he is involved in his own caretaking: Laundry, specific chores (no pay -- no ma'am, do not pay any child to contribute to their household), help cook one night a week, yard work, etc.
Be watchful of his music, TV watching, movie going. These can have just as devastating of an impact on him as his so-called friends. Make sure you know who his friends' parents are, what they do; do you agree with how they live? How these friends act? If not, restrict his activities with them.
Get him involved in some type of sport he enjoys and into a youth group if at all possible. It is important.
I hope these tips will help you as much as they did me.
The kids would have been raised as my own and
been able to have what I gave my own. It is sad in that as the birthmother wanted them back, she eventually got them only to turn back to drugs and last I heard kids out on the streets again. One person can only do so much.
Well, I was raised on a farm so...sm
I knew early on what confine meant when we had a cow ready to give birth. My grandpa "confined" her to keep her from running off into the pasture to have it on her own. You can imagine my surprise (disgust actually) when I heard educated doctors use basically the same phraseology towards a human-being...I was a tad disturbed. Then I thought...it was probably a good thing I had been confined then or God only knows which park I may have had my daughter in. LOL
Born and raised here but.......
I have never had sweetbreads or like you call it organ meat, not in my lifetime either unless starving. I know of no one in my family nor have I ever met that eats such. Oh BTW, my big chain grocery carries liver (as I suppose most stores in the US do) but have never seen the other organ meats you speak of so I guess in the south maybe not so popular?
I think that it is just the way most gen x'ers were raised...
Not me, of course. I was at the tail end of Gen X and raised very conservatively, but if you take away discipline and family values from growing children, what do you expect when they are all grown up?
I wouldn't, but that's just me. I was raised that
no matter what life dealt us, we had a safe haven in our parents' home to come back to if we needed it, and I would like my children to feel that way. I think they grow up & move off too soon anyway... :)
I was raised in Port Richmond.
X
Thank you!! I was raised in the south by 2 southerns
and this type of behaviour is completely not tolerated! We moved to the midwest when I was older and still have never been talked to like that until we moved to the east coast!! Maybe it's normal here to not have manners or respect for women??
Born and raised in Ewa Beach,
have not been home in almost 21 years. I think I like Bermuda better.
Was born and raised in WV. Now I live
just across the state line in VA. Am still a WV girl at heart. Can't think of a better song to sing. Would rather sit in the sun as opposed to raking leaves though! LOL!
this is true - my daughter is not raised like I was.
nm
Yes, dad has the same hopes as you. Ah yes, Mother raised us right.
Too bad all women are not as perfect as she (rest her soul), nor as fortunate to have had such a loving and dedicated, albeit rough-around-the edges, husband.
born/raised in sacramento, ca
and yes, it has changed tremendously in last 30+ years; so much bigger. i still have family there, but do not like going there anymore.
Yes I am, born and raised in Kentucky and
x
keep in mind, you guys raised us.
nm
I remember that, but I thought animals can be raised sm
for that purpose, which is bad enough, but sold in hardware stores?
And evidently not raised w/etiquette emphasis!
and evidently not raised w/etiquette emphasis!....
Born and raised there in Wahiawa, HI. Left after sm
my mom remarried. I was soo homesick that I went back. But then I missed my mom too much and then came back to her here. It's been about 13 years since I've been back. I've since married and my "dream" is to take my husband and 3 children "home." It would cost around 8,000 to go for a 1 week vacation with 5 airline tickets, etc. We've looked into it many times.
The funny thing is this. I always have dreams that we are there. All of a sudden I'm at the Honolulu Airport picking up leis. Or I'm on a beach in HI and all my kids are with me. One dream I had was so vivid that I actually asked my husband if we were really there. He said, "Of course we are." And it was just like I remembered it. On the beach. I began crying because I was SOO excited. And then I woke up. Isn't that tragic? haha
I'm part Hawaiian from my paternal grandfather
No just plain old Methodist, raised Baptist (sm)
don't really think it has religious roots though.
You guessed right! Raised in the North and will die in the south!!
m
This is exactly how I dealt with backtalking when I raised my kids.
Honestly, I would have been prepared to smack a kid right in the face for talking back to me, but it never came to that. Not even close! I started with them from the time they could talk. I modeled respectful speech, and when they shouted at me or spoke disrespectfully, they got the stern mom-voice and a time out in their room. By the time they were in school, all I had to do was give them a look. So many people have asked me, "How can you get them under control with just a look?" I guess I just cultivated that super power when they were little! Really, it was just consistency. Today, I have adult children, and when we're gathered for dinner together and we're laughing over our cups of coffee at the end of the meal, invariably one of them will crack some sort of joke or make a comment that will prompt me to give them that look. Immediately, the offender will say, "Sorry, mom!" and give me a sheepish grin. And then they'll all start up about how mom still has the power of the look. My eldest, the real wise-guy, once snapped a picture of me at the precise moment I gave someone The Look, and he now has it taped to his refrigerator door. He says it reminds him to behave as he goes through life, plus it makes him smile. Makes me smile, too!
I raised mine and 3 nieces as one family sm
I did it alone with child support help and being an MT. You can only imagine the hours it took to support 7 kids!!!!
Anyway, we never had money for fun stuff and if we had all the necessities it was a very good month. I finally told them: Look, I make $20-25 when I am working. Working means my hands are on the keyboard. I don't get paid to pick up your junk, clean the kitchen or scrub the toilet. Every time I have to take time away from the desk to do these things FOR YOU, it is costing YOU $20-25 for things you need/want. The more hours I can work, the more we have in the bank.
I can't tell you why they listened, but they did. They got to where they would name a "price" for a bigger job like cleaning the family room alone, doing all 3 bathrooms for me or cleaning the kitchen and then doing the floor in the kitchen and diningroom (it was huge). The "price" might be a movie ticket, a whole weekend with a friend, nail polish, large candy bars, a much-desired item of clothing. Small jobs could be added up and presented to me as a list and negiotations began. They worked, I "paid" and the house was no longer a mess. I also made more money under less stressful conditions.
My own kids, now grown, have all come to me and thanked me for the way I raised them. I used to say, I know you don't like this, but by the time you are 21, you'll thank me. They were all 19 when the said they feel that they were raised better than all their friends and thank you for being a great mom. They marvel at the spotless house I now keep alone and that I am always to calm like I have no stress. I remind them, I only have to take care of myself these days and you all were a LOT of work.
No, born and raised mainly in Tampa area sm
but his family lived in Louisiana for about a year when he was 3 or so. His grandfather was from Texas, though, so it could be from that also. Tampa is not "Southern" like the panhandle area of Florida. The main influence on food here is Cuban. It's funny because I never even ate at a Chinese place until I moved here, and now I love so many different ethnic cuisines - Greek, Cuban, Chinese, and I don't know what all else. I could eat fried plantains and a Cuban sandwich one day, a gyro and some Greek potato salad the next. Maybe that's why I gained so much weight after I met my husband LOL 
Have you turned it on?
Just kidding....
You all have turned me on to
the French press. Gosh, don’t get out enough and have not heard of this. I love strong coffee, want to sniff up the coffee houses whenever I stop to get some, mine sure does not smell like theirs. I hope I have the same luck as you have, can hardly wait.
Yours could have turned out that way
but I have now a 40+ and a 30+ each and both are doing extremely well, always respectful, kind, considerate. Maybe just a swat (as you call it) was just that, like a little pat so I can understand the way you are thinking.
Not everyone turned out okay
some had brain damage from lead poisoning, some died from ATV accidents, some drown in bathtubs, lakes, rivers, pools. We simply got lucky and ran our guardian angels ragged. Obviously the rules/laws were made because other children weren't so lucky... She shouldn't have asked. She simply shouldn't have even conceived of the idea. A 9-month-old does not belong on an ATV.
My MIL was the same way, until she turned 70. sm
A man, contracting work on her condo, was interested in her and would not give up until she went out with him. She spent the best 5 years of her life with this man, until he passed away.
When the right man comes along, you will know, and it could happen at any time.
You could post an update and answer some of the questions raised?
x
My home is Philly also. Love it, born and raised here. nm
x
My advice, having raised 2 boys with voracious appetites
Yes, plan. Plan a week's worth of dinners, plus any other meals that you and your boys will eat at home. Plan a limited amount of snacks. Buy everything in 1 trip if you can and mark what can be eaten randomly and what cannot.
Watch for sales and buy a few things in bulk when you can to save a little. Put your savings into a piggybank or jar. When you save with coupons, do the same thing. This is your eating-out money.
When the snacks for the week are gone, they are gone. Teenagers are perfectly capable of making enough money to fund their snacking and even contributing a bit to weekly food bills or providing their own eat-out money.
I had a $400 budget for myself and 2 boys although, if I had to, I could spend much less.
I never bought sodas, ice cream, cookies. We did have chips, though. Their snacks were more like mini-meals, hahaha.
You should also teach them to cook at this age. I started teaching mine to cook in their early teens and then eventually each had 2 nights a week they cooked for all of us. We had some rather unappetizing meals at first but they got the hang of it and now do an excellent job shopping, cooking and taking care of themselves.
I was raised Southern Baptist, watched the hipoccracy around me
Watch George Carlin's "It's All Bad For You". This was his last stand up and he talks a lot at the beginning about death and relgion. He makes perfect sense! What's ironic to me is that my mom and grandma, who are christians, send me emails with his philosophy a lot. He's a very outspoken athiest so it's funny that the same people who tell me to boycott The Golden Compass would send me funnies from an athiest POV.
Actually I didn't really follow anything/anybody other than logic and by taking science classes. The bible, IMO, is an ancient tool to keep people in line. Fear is a strong motivator and many, many wars have been fought in the name of religion. I think once we let go of dogma we can truely obtain a peaceful society.
LOL!! Yep - I've turned it on :-)
Yep, me too. Turned it on today just to see...
her "announcement" and I had to quickly change the channel again. She's the worst. I will be happy to give it a try again once she is OFF
I have turned those sheets every which way
but loose, have about 3 sets and nothing has been working. I am making notes of all these answers and check the mattress out. It is huge and thick so have to get the measuring tape out.
Turned 40 today
You wanted some positives....if you are healthy, be thankful, a lot of people are not....I will be 65 this year, people say I look 40.....I'm healthy, physically active, triathalons & all that that entails to stay fit.....very fortunate--kids grown & gone. Worked hard raising kids & now it is paying off.....don't have to raise grandkids. Retired from one career & started another.....Be happy! You know more now at 40 than you did at 20. Work smarter, not harder!
I've had several already and I just turned 40
I had a few problems going on, hence the need for so many at my age, but it all turned out okay.
Anyway, I have small boobage, so there was quite a bit of adjusting involved with trying to get my under-endowed self on the plates. Not the most comfortable thing to do, but as it is over so fast and could possible save my life, it's 100% worth it.
What we women go through. When my husband had his first prostate exam, he came home whining about how embarrassing it was. I then gave him a whole litany of what embarrassing really was as far as PAPs etc. What a baby.
Now, go get those mammies grammed!
I turned 47 in November.... thanks!
xx
My DH just turned 70 - Thinks he is 40 ##
I am 69
Hush don't go imagining something!!
Yes! I turned the volume way down . .
maybe because it's a singing contest and I feel like a judge. If she was a contestant, she'd get the boot.
Glad your day turned out well...and that was
great you huddled. After dad talked to them on the phone, and they came back inside they did their chores, made their own lunches, while I tried to get that headache to go away. DH just took them with their allowances from last week to Walmart probably to remind them the positive points of being cooperative. Yep, I love them too and don't want to think about the next 15 years when they leave. I just think for me and maybe some of us it is difficult working at home all day and doing double, triple duty. I have been worried about my MT pay and wrote my DH a note today I am indeed going to take some time off from MTing because I feel burnt to a crisp. He said something about a month in a house at the beach (with kids, and with him just popping in), but I know I won't be able to take much time at all off from work. Our production job is so tough, man, some days are difficult for mom, dad and kids. But it cheers me to hear your day got better. Mine is too because I rested and the kids are out at Walmart which they love. About my taking time off from MTing, we'll see how long that lasts LOL. Dream, dream, dream.
Googling turned up:
Small amounts of ammonia are normally in the bloodstream. Many serious illnesses, including liver damage, can cause blood ammonia levels to rise. High levels of ammonia can cause patients to become confused and die, if left untreated.
I have been called only once since I turned 18....
and I am 55 now. I was actually looking forward to it too. I made it as far as jury selection. They needed 13, and I was #14. Oh well..at least I got to see how the system worked. And even if I had been seated, there was no guarantee that the case would have gone to trial anyway.
Its a no..turned down...not a chance
I had my meeting yesterday afternoon with my lawyer. Although I am clearly disabled I fall threw the disability loop holes. There are 2 types you can sign up for. The first you must have worked 10 years consecutively. I worked when I was first married and then when we had kids I stayed home with them until they started school and then went back to work as a substitute teacher. I had worked 9 years consecutively and had a stroke so I am disqualified there.
The 2nd one you have to have not worked or be low income. Low income meaning a little over $900.00 a month for dh and I. Kiddos don't qualify as dependants since they are over 18 or the income level would be higher. We are low income but not that low for the 2 of us. The only thing you can own is your home and one vehicle. We own our home and 3...the old truck we are trying to sale that might bring $500.00., the truck dh bought for $1000.00 and the car he inherited from his sis. Dh also inherited some land and some money from his sis. AND THEN there is the fact that dh and his sis had to put their dad's money in their names so they can pay for his care, power of attorney and all that, and although the money goes for ONLY his care and we use none of it it goes against my case.
So although I am disabled, in pain every single day of my life, I don't qualify for disability. Our income doesn't qualify us for Medicaid. Our income doesn't afford us insurance IF we could find someone that would cover me with all my health issues. I'm tired, defeated, exhausted, cried until I can't cry. I don't know how many knocks I can take.
I don't begrudge anyone health care...but how is it fair that I can't get it and its handed over to those that have never paid a dime in taxes? How is it fair that a convicted child molester will get his disability? (yes I know someone that is and will get his). I just don't get it. There needs to be decent affordable healthcare in this country for EVERY citizen. I'm not talking Socialized medicine. I'm talking decent affordable healthcare.
It should not cost $4000.00 for an ER visit and $500.00 for the doctor. Yes again that happened to me last summer. I would never have gone if I had not been doubled over in severe pain and my regular doctor sent me there. I left the ER with a huge bill, a prescription I could not afford to fill, and a huge bill I had to finish paying and I'm still paying. They made me pay $250.00 before I left the hospital. Another time when I fell and messed up my ankle my doctor sent me over there for an xray. My ankle was 3 or 4 times its size and they still made me pay for the xray before they would even do it. Something needs to be done with this crazy ridiculous business
My gas was turned off last week.
I hear your pain though not quite as bad as I used my money for bills to pay my mtg and the recent ruling by FEMA that I now live in a flood zone (100 year flood) and by 6/15, I had to fork over 300.00 or they'd apply their own at the tune of 2 grand.
I made 60 grand for 3 years in a row. During my last 2 months at my beloved job, I made 1 grand a month. Without notice, my account left and I was basically kicked to the curb.
Savings account is what would have saved me. After all these years doing this, I am back at ground zero. It is very stressful in this economy where compassion fatigue is quite apparent from the posts below.
United we stand, divided we fall, I suppose.
|
