I too met my "father" as a teen/adult.
Posted By: sml4 on 2007-05-29
In Reply to: Found my real Dad. - What should I do?
I had always asked questions. My mom was always very honest when she felt we could handle it about why they broke up (he was abusive). He contacted my brother and me when I was 16. I met him, found out he wasn't my "dad" since that was someone who would have at least been there for me when I needed him or to even know so I consider my "father" as a sperm donor. I am glad I did meet him and have closure (like someone else mentioned) because I think I would have always been curious but I didn't pursue a relationship with him. My father-in-law has been a real dad to me but my blood relative father is not a dad.
I agree with what someone mentioned too that your mom may not have been totally honest, wanting you to not want to pursue meeting him. I was lucky, my mom never badmouthed him when we were growing up even when we had all these questions about him, why they didn't stay married, what it would be like if they had stayed together and everything else. I realize now of course my mom was smart to have gotten out at the beginning. Once an abuser always an abuser so I'm relieved now. If you want to talk about it more let me know and I'll send you my e-mail.
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Teen Sex
I understand your pain Mom; however, your "baby girl" is a young woman who is sexually active now. These are the statistics for teen sex today:
 Students who have had intercourse in highschool:
 40% of ninth graders
47% of tenth graders
57% of eleventh graders
72% of twelvth graders
Keep the lines of communication open. You cannot "regulate" your daughter's sex life. If you try, you will be fighting a losing battle. They will sneak around and find places to "do it." Encourage your daughter to have a female exam, Pap, and testing for STDs because that is the responsible thing ALL sexually active people should do today - not because she is "bad" or needs to be "taught a lesson about the seriousness of her actions." Trust that you have done a good job in raising her. Continue to be there for her.
Lilly
TEEN DRIVING
I just dropped you an email.
teen fashion
OK, I have a teenage daughter who tells me "shaggy" hair is in for boys--nothing too clean cut. Clothes wise, American Eagle and the Buckle have trendy stuff. T-shirts with graphic designs, artsy, music related, kind of off the wall bands are popular--check out Target or Kohls for these, too. Hemp jewelry, dark-colored sneakers, pants that don't show your ankles when you sit down. Sagging is NOT hip, but not skin tight either. Don't tuck the shirts in. Just neat, but casual.
Hope this gives you an idea what to look for. Good luck!
teen clothes
For boys (my younest son is almost 16) - American eagle is hugely popular around here. My son also likes Abercrombie but they are so ridiculously expensive. Dockers shorts - lots of good shorts at Kohl's if you have one near you. Also if he has a favorite band/bands - order some of their graphic T shirts online, let him express his personality. Kids that age love those kind of T shirts.
Those of you with teen drivers....
...how did you handle speeding tickets, punishment wise? Take away their keys for XXX amount of time, ignore the first offense, ground them, etc.
teen drivers
I made my son pay his own ticket which for him was the punishment. I have to admit I speed so we didn't ground him or anything. Hasn't happened since.
Teen driver
I made my son pay his own tickets as well. He might have had a couple, total, but he soon learned. He's 21 now.
Thank you to all; I have a teen here in my complex who wants to do it.
Thank you.
teen driver
When my daughter got her license I gave her my older vehicle and she was responsible for gas and insurance. She paid for her repairs, but I helped if they were very high. My insurance agent told me to put her on her own policy so I would not get sued if she had an accident and my rates would not be affected by her driving record. By her living in my home she was able to get my discounts, ie., two car discount, different safety features on her vehicle, and home being insured. This was a wise choice as she had two small accidents within a year and is now paying high risk and my rates didn't change, but my insurance would have gone from $300 to $2600 every six months if she were on my policy. She hated having to pay since all her friends' parents were footing the whole bill, but now in college she appreciates it because she knows how to pay bills and budget her money while her friends are always bouncing checks or calling mom and dad for money.
Teen Troubles
Can you say, "Dr. Phil?" If you are that desperate, I would definitely consider it.
Teen fashion emergency! :) SM
OK, please help if you can. My son and I are clueless when it comes to "cool" fashions. His friends sorta teased him today and said he is really uncool (uncool haircut, clothes, shoes). They jokingly said they were going to do an extreme makeover on him. I laughed at first, but then thought, "Hey! That's not half bad!" He is starting high school in the fall, and I would like to help him with a makeover this summer. He is a nice looking kid, just got his braces off (so has a really nice smile), a little bit on the husky side, but his clothes and shoes are Walmart specials. He is just a basic "boy" hair cut.
What is "cool" for boys? Where should we shop? What kind of haircut is cool for a 15-year-old boy? I'm so clueless!
Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated!
 Chickadee
JMO, but having been a very wild teen at one time...
you really should intervene. Your sister has a right to know, it is her child after all, and to turn a blind eye and pretend it does not exist does your niece more harm than good. Take it from one who has been there, if someone would have done the same for me I would have been angry, but looking back now it would have changed my life tremendously. A lot of young girls today really need some direction, look at the role models they have out there, most of them are nothing to brag about! Good luck to you, you sound like a loving and caring auntie!
I have two teen drivers on my insurance.
One is away at college and is not allowed to have a car on campus. Since he's paying for, or has earned scholarships for a good portion of his tuition, we pick up his car insurance as a secondary driver on a very old Toyota that he inherited from his grandfather. My second son has had his license for only two weeks. At the current time, as he is a good student, responsible and working very hard at school and on some extracurricular activities, we pick up his insurance as a secondary driver, as well. So far, so good. No one has had any moving violations or dings. In fact, I'm 46 and have never had a moving violation and have only gotten two parking tickets (deserved).
We're very serious here about driving responsibility. The boys know that one speeding ticket and we drop them from our insurance like hot potatoes. No insurance, no driving, no car. No warning. Mess up once, and they don't get back behind the wheel on our dime ever. The boys also know that their father and I mean what we say. We're not rich, but we are happy to be able to help our sons as they work toward their futures. But we won't pay high insurance fees because of their stupidity. More importantly, we've been to too many funerals for young people who died in accidents caused by speeding. I think that because of this, our boys seem to have taken their driving responsibilities/privileges very seriously.
update on teen drama
I posted before about how my son's ex-girlfriend was sabotaging him receiving an invitation to Sadie Hawkins dance. The girl that "changed her mind" can't find another date because it is too close to time.
So she follows my son all over the place, but she has to be loyal to the "Queen Bee" and doesn't seem to have the courage to ask him again.
Four years is a long time to be incarcerated in high school. Maybe he will get an A in chemistry instead!
Teen Heart Throbs
Who was your celebrity teen heart throb?
Mine has always been Donny Osmond. I really liked David Cassidy too.
Teen heart throbs
First was probably David Cassidy. Too many more to mention. LOL.
I've had 2 teen boys and my suggestion is to
take him to SuperCuts where for really cheap you can get him a hip cut. Have him look at the books/magazines and then ask the stylist for her opinion depending on his face structure, hair type, etc. Next, I would go to Target for his clothes - they are a little more expensive but classy - WalMart is pretty well hated by all teens.... he would probably rather have fewer shirts and pants and have them be a little nicer...... and shop for some bargain shoes - Famous Footwear - or check sales and don't forget the internet!! JCPenney is great also - almost forgot about them!!
Great teen stores. They are owned by the same ... SM
establishment (for lack of a better word LOL). Gap is the more expensive, higher end, clothing. Old Navy is less expensive and is what the kids around here wear the most of. Either is really good but Old Navy goes a lot further in your budget.
Maurice's is good and not so high priced, if you have one of those nearby. And don't forget about the old standbys like Macy's, Penney's, Sears, and Belk's if these are in your area of the country.
I feel like if I don't change the course now then I will have problems when he is a teen (sm)
I am hoping if I can find a way to alter his course, maybe it can go in a different direction. I know everyone has their own personality, but I think as parents it is our job to do our best to raise them to be the best adults they can be, and to give them a chance at having a happy adult life. If I just ignore it, I think I would not be doing my job as a mom.
When I was a teen & my sister was 10, my parents banned
We got around that one pretty easily. At 10:00 or so, we'd each yawn, say goodnight, and go to bed. Our parents usually followed not long after. At 11:30 I'd get up, wake up my sister, and we'd sneak back out to the living room to watch it with the sound way down. My parent's bedroom was back at the other end of the house, so they couldn't hear it or see the light from the TV. We never got caught, either! Hehe
Well, I was not on a teen-role model, not in the public eye
no one was looking to me and I got myself into trouble and had more sense than to know I wanted to nor could I raise a child at my age(by the way, not 16, older). I assumed responsibility because I took care of things, did not regret then nor now and never have. She, from what I hear, did not tell her mother until well past the time she could have gotten an abortion, sounds like she wanted to be pregnant. I have absolutely no regrets about things I have done in the past.
I'm not a teen, far from it but I get SVT a couple of times a year sm
I usually get it in the middle of the night and it usually lasts about 4 hours. I am prescribed 40 mg of verapamil, which I take 1 at the onset and then 1 every hour until it eases up. I usually end up taking about 4 or 5. That works for me, but then I'm usually wiped out for a few hours afterwards.
My first experience where this lasted more than a few minutes, I went to the ER and they gave me 6 mg of adenosine which converted me. They were able to see the SVT on my EKG, so the cardiologist was able to correctly treat me. They have offered me other treatment options, such as electrophysiology ablation, but since I only get it a couple of times a year, I'm not at the point where I want it treated surgically.
Good luck.
I am not letting my young teen marry an old man.
x
Next door neighbor's teen having parties
I am sooo sick of the next door neighbors. It is a mom and 2 teenage daughters. They have been having a party going on 5 days now. Tons of cars over partially blocking our driveway, loud talking and laughter, underage drinking, throwing their litter (beer cans) onto our side of the yard...etc. I just want to sit out on my porch and not have a gang of teens a few feet away. What kind of mom lets this kind of thing go on and these kids (boys and girls) have spent the night every night. I am sick of it. I thought it would end with today being Monday and the holiday weekend being over. But they continue to hang out over there. I just want peace and quiet like it is usually here. What would you guys do? I would love to call the cops on them but have never done anything like that before. I just feel like this is ridiculous especially since we live in apartment homes and not houses so our duplexes are very close together. 
I think what you are experiencing is all normal teen behavior. sm
I can't think of anyone that I hung around with in my teens that didn't run away. Trust me ---- they ALWAYS COME BACK.
OMG, we did that with our teen kids one year. Unavoidable. Miserable
s
I'd give the teen whatever you spend on shirts for the younger one &
s
Aqua-Teen Hunger Force's Ignot and Err.
I could never explain the cartoon...it's something you have to see to believe and have an incredibly warped sense of humor to enjoy.
Then I probably wouldn’t post about teen having okayed premarital sex
on this post. Everything is game when you post as far as I am concerned. Keep it to yourself if you don’t want others to comment. sex at 16 is statuatory rape in my state and if it had knowingly happened with my child, I would not buy them BCPs, rather had taken a legal course. I really can say what I think, thank you.
I had them as an adult (sm)
I had braces from about 27 to 31 years old. It was painful - but definitely worth it. I had a crossbite that was embarassing to me for years. You will get used to wearing the braces and won't be so self-conscious soon - it's just because they're new that it's bothering you right now. And it will be worth it when you're done!
adult boy
Thank you. I hate it when people blast others.
I have adult ADD....
as well as depression, anxiety and OCD. After battling for years with just the depression symptoms, there were still concerns in my life which I thought medication and therapy could fix but didn't. These things drove me crazy...Not being able to finish a project - for example a crochet throw I have been working on for over 5 years, various projects started and left hanging, never able to keep at the same task, etc. Now with the help of Adderall I am able to focus for a few hours at a time (I do have withdrawal effects) and I am able to work with less distraction. It has not been a cure-all, but it has brought me some peace of mind being able to get my work done in a reasonable period of time, rather than having the constant urges to do other things.
My teen daughter has this, too. We're trying the dermatologist next. OTC stuff isn't cutting i
v
Teen girls accused of setting kitten on fire (sm)
This article made my stomach roll. Maximum penalty (yeah, right) is 3 years in solitary confinement. Personally, I think they should be publically whipped until they scream and then whipped until they stop screaming...but that's just me.
"A boy and his friend said they saw the smoke and heard the cat shrieking while the girls laughed."
http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/13708685/detail.html?rss=dgo&psp=news
(cut and paste into your browser to read article)
he was an adult, by our standards, and would have been--sm
accountable for his own actions if he had been arrested and sent to trial. However, if there was familial abuse involved which perpetuated this act of violence, it should be addressed in some manner, but not for the parents to be held accountable for what he did as a result of it. Sometimes even knowing about a person's difficulties is not enough to change them or prevent them from doing something horrible like this. Obviously there were a lot of people, in retrospect, who felt this person had severe problems and they chose to do nothing about it either. He was seeing a therapist, but should the therapist be held accountable, as well? It just comes down to every one being accountable for their own actions.
No, he is an adult and responsible for himself.
nm
on adult swim
I've seen it.....What about The Boondocks or South Park? I have too have a sick and twisted sense of humor.....
Too bad some responsible adult...
could not get those kids. We have a celebutard, immature, crazy mother against a wanna be anything hanger on who is only interested in money...some role models! I hope there is money put away for the therapy those kids will need. The parents even give white trash a bad name!
Adult Behavioral Changes
Call a neurologist who specializes, one who may probabably also have a PhD in Psych. Go in by yourself if you have to and describe what you are experiencing and maybe he or she can give you some direction and information that may help you have your husband evaluated. There are tests he can administer and others that he can send him out for. There are several things that come to mind, but without evaluation this is speculation. It is possible that after you consult a neurologist that he may send you out for evaluation by either a psychologist or psychiatrist, or both. Maybe he has family members or good friends who will help you to encourage him to be evaluated? No matter the outcome, it is best if you consult someone professional who can steer you in the right direction. Best wishes to you. I will be thinking of you. Let us know how this works out.
Legally, yes, but how adult were you at 18? nm
m
Perks of being an adult
Sometimes I feel like it really stinks to be an adult with all the responsibilities and stress and I'd love to go back to being a child. What are the little perks of being an adult that you have found?
I found a simple one this morning...I picked all the marshmellows out of the last bit of Lucky Charms to have extra in my bowl. No I won't dare tell my 10yo I did that.  I thought it was a better alternative to having a brownie for breakfast which is what I really wanted!
You're obviously the only ADULT between the two
Someone has to teach your daughter to have the money in hand for things you want; otherwise, when will she ever learn to work for what she wants? Handing it over BEFORE the money is made is a huge mistake.
I watched my husband do this with our son and he always said he would pay us back but he needed it NOW because it was on sale or some such garbage. He would be given more labor intensive chores around the house to make the money but never paid us back.
No matter how much I told my son he was not going to get a penny out of me without the job done first, my husband always went behind my back and bought it beforehand, gave it to him, and of course my son had absolutely no motivation to pay for anything. Long story short, he is now 23 years old and still doesn't get the point of working to pay for what you want.....
My husband is very good with money, as am I, but I was raised to pay for what you want and not on credit. Children really need to learn this lesson early on. I was always surprised my husband handed everything over to him because husband worked since he was 12 years old at jobs the labor laws would never allow now! If he wanted anything, he paid for it himself.....the end!! No discussion!
Our son is still loafing around in college, home for summer now, supposed to have a job but of course does not because he knows his dad will not do anything about it, and if I say anything, I get chewed out and disrespected by our son because he knows I have no back up.
You stick to your guns and do what is right..... you do not want her to turn out like that! Her tears will go away. She wanted to umpire, let her umpire and I would definitely tell her how her first responsibility is to umpire. NO CREDIT FOR A TEENAGER!! EVER!
Hubs did window cleaning as a teen & always got swamped w/folks wanting them
s
I am teaching an adult class sm
but will use this same lesson when we start back with our weekly youth meetings in the fall. I got the idea for this lesson from Fannie Flagg's book Can't Wait to Get to Heaven. The book is obviously fiction but has a "quirky" (most all the characters in the book are quirky-think Mayberry) person's take on heaven when she dies for just a short time and visits heaven. The book is a wonderfully funny read (just a few swear words but it is very clean). I have read all of her books and thoroughly enjoyed them all. Thank you for responding.
Maybe you can try adult conditioner. My daughter SM
has thick curly hair. I would wash it every day. She never did mind my combing or brushing it. You could also try one of those plastic brushes with bristles wide apart.
My daughter is now 32 and does her own hair.
Adult ADD? Never diagnosed but wondering (sm)
So all my life I have been disorganized, first it was papers hanging out everywhere from my notebook, now it is everything in the world stuffed in my purse. My mind wanders all the time. I do transcription but flip back and fourth between here and my work and my e-mail and other things on the net that interest me. And i have to have background noise while I do all this. My house gets very cluttered and than I have to work like a maniac to get it cleaned up but still things are kind of in haphazard places, not really organized. I just always feel overly busy, overly tired, and behind on everything. So....could I have ADD? Or am I just too busy, bored with sitting in front of the computer, and disorganized??
I was actually dxd with adult ADD several years back sm
by a psychiologist. I had symptoms similar to yours and was being treated for depression at the time and sent by my psychiatrist to this person who gave me a computer test and then gave me the same test 6-8 weeks later on medication to see if the results were different - and they definitely were. If I recall correctly it had to do with reaction times and how long my concentration was, etc. The results were a little shocking. I think I knew for years I had it - my oldest son was dxd years ago but it was just kind of lurking in the back of my mind and didn't come forward until I started having serious problems with getting my work done and making a decent living at MT... I finally took medication upped my BP so badly I had to quit. I just try to go with the flow now - I have white noise playing in the background while working, shut my door, note on it not to bother me unless house is on fire, set goals for myself and treat myself with done with work and try hard not to let emails and IMs distract me. I leave all my other chores until the very last minute/second and then rush to complete and am always late and cook everything on high and burn or overdo things as always in a hurry - can't remember all of the other things I do - they have just become a part of me. I did do much better on medication and if I seriously needed again would definitely look into another one.
My very first boxer as an adult had kennel
cough. I rescued her from a pet shop under similar circumstances. She had been there with her brother and her brother died. I refused to let her die in a pet store so brought her home took her to the vet and got her started on medication. The first month was rough, there were nights I just sat in bed and held her, she felt so miserable. She finally got through it and after that rocky start she lived to the age of 13.5 with not another medical problem the rest of her life.
Why don't you be a mom and take care of your daughter until she is an adult? sm
Boyfriend, spoiled, blah, blah. You are her parent. You need to provide her a place to live until she is old enough to do so herself. I would either allow her to move in with you and your boyfriend or I would rent her a place to live. She is not old enough to be expected to find a roommate and pay all her own bills yet. If you had done your job to begin with she wouldn't be spoiled or having such issues.
18 IS legally considered an adult.
x
sounds like you will have to be the adult in this situation as the ex is not ---
and follow the mother's lead - she knows her daughter, she sees/hears the tantrums and probably way more often than you; she is being the adult in the situation as you are, so don't lose it.
food for thought: she was hurting at the funeral. sometimes people put all their hurts in one pocket and never deal with it, never heal. gram died, the pocket opened and out it all came. you may be only one situation she put away for a rainy day.
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