I think in this day and age parents should plan a way for their kids to attend college (sm)
Posted By: Carolina on 2008-04-03
In Reply to: In a nutshell...if dad or mom want to help... - phillychick
$1000 a month is nothing compared to what it actually takes to raise two kids.
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Parents DO NOT owe kids college education.
When DD started college we paid,,,, at first. But she did NOTHING to help herself. From her part time job, all her money went to nails, clothes, meals out with friends, etc. She did nothing about getting scholarships. After 1st year, I said I wouldnt pay anything else. DH continued to help her. She did apply for scholarship thru DH work and got $2000. Of that money, she ended up dropping a class paid for with that money, cause it was too early (8:00am). Bottom line, she did nothing towards finishing school, in fact, quit going, did not increase work hours. I stopped giving her ANY money at that point. She ended up marrying Marine boyfriend and is now working at Dollar Store. These were HER choices, instead of completing her teaching degree, of which she only had 2 years to go. I told her why should I spend my hard earned money on her when she was doing absolutely nothing to help herself. She knew if she was making an effort to her future I would help her, but not if she wasnt doing anything for herself.
Ours attend local college PT and still live at home. Hard to make ends meet "out there" on
s
My parents both went to college with Stephen King
and he lives right up the street from my parents.
Divorced parents college agreement?
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....
Well I plan on calling all the parents tonight - sm
and saying my daughter left it there and to check with their kids if they could and see if they "accidentally" swooped it up with their own stuff. So I will leave no room for doubt that my kid traded for it as someone mentioned above. My daughter I hope learned her lesson her, we tell her she is responsible for her things and so far this is the second thing she has lost, the first was her glasses, they turned up about 10 days later (think some boy took them as a prank). Also hoping it turns up tonight at our Christmas pagent practice, I will find out in a few minute. Thanks everyone.
college kids sleeping together
I have an 18 and 21 year old (both girls) that go to college. Both of them have boyfriends out of State. So they come to visit and these boys sleep in another room because my daughters know I would not care to have them sleep in the same beds in my home. I told them I am not running a hotel. I always tell them there is a diference between a college dorm and our home. What happens at college I don't see. Last night I asked the 18 year old when you go to your boyfriend's house who is 20where do you sleep. (I never met the parents. She said the stepmom said she would not have a problem sharing the same bed in her home but knows that her stepson does not share one in our home so she wants to respect our wishes. I know when my daugther went off to college she was never sexually active and had morals. This woman is 38 and I am 52. There is also a 10 year old boy that lives in that same house. My daugter told me they are more like hippies compared to us. Am I being a prude or does anyone feel the same way I do.
I do not plan on telling my kids any of the - sm
stupid stuff I did or got away with, just asking for trouble. I think given the op they will try whatever I tried (a few things), do some of the dumb things I did (drive drunk a few times), go out with strangers to their homes within meeting them only an hour or so before, etc. I was extremely lucky and had good friends and luckily did not happen to pick up any creeps. Got away from one guy that was giving me bad vibes before anything bad happened when I was 16 but was just plain stupid to put myself in that position. I don't want them playing with fire. I will not expect them to be virgins when they marry or pure as snow but I do want them to be aware and smart about their actions and decisions. I will use my experience to help guide and advise but certainly do not expect to bare all to them. Some things they have just got to learn for themselves, all you can do is be there for them and listen, and try to give advice, not that they will listen most likely. I was not that bad actually but was very, very lucky in many ways. But if I were you I'd keep mum on your dirty deeds, they will just use it for justification later when they do the same thing.
My college-age kids love finding stuff at the Goodwill Thrift Store. Go figure! They like their
s
They are both the kids parents - they should both help (nm)
x
It certainly is sad for the kids and their parents but -
I would much prefer to hear about an 11-year-old or 13-year-old being abandoned under the Safe Haven laws rather than hearing about their mother or father deciding the only way out of a desperate situation was to kill their children and themselves.
The children are old enough that they have probably had numerous conversations with their parent(s) about why they are being left and how to find them later (at least I hope so.)
Dr/kids/parents
Need some advice. My 12 year old son has been ill on and off since October of last year. My hubby and I have had him to the dr. several times since October. In January a new care provider diagnosed him with Mono. He had missed 12 days of school with that and we were told it would take a great amount of time to get him over this, as he probably (according to the new doc) had mono at that time and was never properly diagnosed. After sending him back to school the 3rd week in January he comes home and relates to us that he hurts and is sooooo tired. This resulted in another dr. visit. This time we were told that he was still fighting whatever infection and this was normal. He missed a week of school with that episode.
This morning he wakes up and is complaining of an earache and running a slight fever. I am very concerned and have run out of ideas on what to do next? I just want to make sure he is properly cared for and there is not some underlying process going on that they are not able to diagnose.
Can anyone offer some advice to this worry wart of a mother.!!!!!!!!!!
Well duh....kids do need two parents BUT - sm
that is not always the case. Some moms and dad are just plain bad parents. In this woman's case she is trying to do the best she can, being mom and dad, and kid is trying to push it to the limits. Maybe the dad was the feared one in the house, certainly sounds that way, so the son now thinks with dad gone mom will let him do whatever he wants. Maybe that is what has happened with his friends. It is a lot of work to be a single parent. I have two friends that are single parents. #1--She left/divorced her DH when their only child was only a year or so old. He is $14K behind in child support but she is afraid of him so will not take him to court for the money. Luckily she has a very good job, and has now moved back in with her widowed dad to help take care of him. Her daughter is now a very well-adjusted 14-y/o who never sees her dad because he just won't make any effort. My friend has bent over backwards to try to get him to be an active father, he is just a total aaaasssss though. #2- Her kids actually begged her to divorce their dad. He was very verbally abusive and controlling. My friend had to hide money to have any. She would buy stuff at the store then return it for cash in order to save up money to leave him. The kids were quite happy with the divorce and hated to go to their dad's on the visitation weekends. Her daughter did it for about 2 years then refused to go--he of course took my friend to court on that, but luckily for the daughter she was not forced to go back to visitation. Now her son, 16, just told dad he does not want to visit with him anymore either. My friend is waiting for the court documents to come now...hopefully he won't take her back to court again. The dad puts strings on everything and they are not allowed to do anything over there, no friends, no TV, no electronics. Either clean the house, read, or stare at the walls basically, and be yelled at most of the time as well. He never takes them anywhere (to cheap), and spends most of his time tinkering with his truck or one of his motorcycles. He used to hold the child support hostage on my friend, would not give it to her if she ticked him off or until she would do something he wanted her to do, she finally got tired of that crap and went to the state and now gets it through the state/family courts. Only 2 years left on the one and 1 on the other so almost done with that. Then she can basically cut all ties with her ex, she will probably have a big party when the younger child turns 18. ----So in both their cases the dad's stink. #1's ex is AWOL basically, and #2's is a controlling jerk, it is his way or not at all basically. ----some men/women do step up to the plate and become better parents but I believe that they are the exception to the rule. ---I am sure counseling would help the entire family come to grips with the changes they are going through , and children need to be given firm boundries, etc. so they knows what is expected of they.
parents are suppose to be there for their kids, but he needs to get his s**t together
What kind of man lives on mommy? I am sure you don't want your son on this path.... I feel bad for you too! People go into the reserves so they can also have another job or go to college.... this sounds like a case for Dr. Phil... in fact I have seen this on there and he told the mothers to give them an ultimatum of either help out or GET OUT!!!
Some kids think this is funny, their parents laugh
and I for one totally agree with the school system. My daughter and her friends years ago thought that was cute to pass gas and belch out loud. She was called down on it every time I was around and thank goodness, she is now 33 and has finally learned how to behave herself and act like she has some sense. I think parents overlook their responsibility for not calling down kids on doing this. It is not fun for grownups and should be attended to promptly. Unless medical concern, it really shows lack of manners and upbringing.
lazy parents don't monitor their kids or keep them on the right
nm
She made her choice but parents at least owe their kids a chance (sm)
She was given that chance and blew it - some would blow it and some would not. But I still think that with the way our country works today if you do not at least try to help your kids get through college you have not finished your job as a parent.
Help! Pushy parents think I work from home and can drive their kids etc
I am constantly being asked to watch people's kids because I work from home. The latest is a friend of my son attending the same camp in another town. The friend I will call Scotty. Scotty has two parents. His father works from home as a computer consultant. My friends and I have called Scotty's dad to work on our computers and he never even returns the call or shows up. Scotty's mom recently asked me if I could drive her son home from them because the dad gets busy and doesn't like to leave clients. I told her that I too am working from home and have to minimize my time in the car. Scotty does not live close to us. I feel like a big meanie but they have pushed me before. Last year our kids were not even in the same camp but the mom called and asked if I would drive and pick up her son every day because i live in the same town as the camp. I was like ??? no way.
They used to drop Scotty off at my house on school holidays. They would drop him off at 7 AM and then once the mom called me at 5 PM and said she wanted to get an oil change and asked me if I could keep scotty until 7:30 PM. I said NO and then she came to pick him up earlier but stayed at my house uninvited until 9:30 when I just said I HAVE TO GO TAKE A SHOWER.
Anyone have clever ways to handle these situations?
It burns me up when parents support their bratty kids' actions
This kid is going to get some bumps and bruises from the School of Hard Knocks, otherwise known as LIFE.
Poll for parents with school aged kids at home...sm
1. What ages are your kids?
2. Do they have their own cell phone?
3. Do they have their own TV and or computer in their room? If so, are there set hours they're allowed to use these:
4. Do they receive an allowance? If so, are they required to do chores to receive this?
As for our house, here's the answers. Kids are 15 and 8. 15-year-old has a cell phone and pays her bill. 15-year-old has a TV. The kids share 1 PC that is where we can see what they're doing on it, and they're limited to no more than an hour a day on it if it's a school day. We do have parental controls in place. They don't receive an allowance but they are aware of a special chores list that they can choose to do extra things around the house to make money. They are required to keep their rooms and bathrooms cleaned, as well as alternate cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.
At the church I used to attend --
they instituted a "reform program," whereby the associate pastor and elder members of the church agreed to take in single men who were recently paroled. They dressed up and brought them to church every week. They were introduced when they first came, but nothing was mentioned about their "crime life", etc.
My point is, to the newer church goers, these men seemed like perfectly respectable church-going men, all the while they weren't. Please keep this in mind.
Thank you, Lilly! Unfortunately, I do have to attend with him and the other gentleman
because of the nature of the conference and both of them are the district heads. However, although I do believe he is a very kind and respectable person, I feel a bit too vulnerable at the moment to go it alone, so I contacted an MT I know from the area we are going to and she is going to meet me for dinner that evening and show me some of the shops. This gives me my "out" not to have dinner with them and also to stay within my boundaries.
I am a widow, so these feelings are more to new to me than I can actually express in words, but it has been a long time since I felt that comfortable around a man since my husband. However, as many of you posted, the timing is not right and I will not compromise my integrity as a person. I have faith that God will guide me in the right direction and I am happy, in a way, to know that there is hope that I will feel those "feelings" again with another person, although this is just not the one to be feeling them with.
oh but he did attend 4 yrs of school in Korea
x
she got VISA to attend way too late to come.SM
and Brad was great too.....different types of singers/performers....
don't be sore about it....*lol*
Do not do anything else until you attend marriage counseling - sm
You owe it not only to the kids (who did not ask to be born into this) but you owe it to yourselves to seek marriage counseling before just deciding to up and divorce without seeking outside professional help. Until you can say you tried everything under the sun to make it work and can truly walk out the door with no undone and unsaid business with your husband you are not even ready for divorce. Give it a try. I have been down this road before (but for other reasons) and can tell you it turned us around. We are celebrating 25 years this September and have never been happier. Best of luck to you both. 
Spiritual in other ways aside from God. Don't attend church.
s
Daughter wants to attend birthday party
My daughter is 10 and her friend will be 11. Her friend has been to our house numerous times and she is a SWEET girl. HOWEVER, her parents and their home is incredibly dirty. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a neat freak myself but their home is filfthy, as are they. Took their daughter home one day and they came outside, along with one of their younger sons who was in his underwear that looked soiled/brown/gray. Her mother seems nice enough but I get the feeling there is some sort of mental illness going on. Every time I've been around her I can tell she has major hygiene issues, built up plaque on her teeth and dirt under her nails, dirty clothes, etc. I'm not trying to be judgmental; I just don't want to allow my daughter to go to their house. Her friend is more than welcome here. I'm concerned this is going to possibly cause friction with the girls. I've talked with the mother of another friend in the group and she understands where I'm coming from, as she feels the same way. Wondering if any of you may have any suggestions for me. I know the girls are getting older and I'm sure my daughter's friend is realizing that her friends aren't allowed to her house, yet she can visit them. I really feel for her and I wonder how many girls will actually show for her party, yet I don't want to run the risk of my daughter coming home with lice or something.
Do you attend a local state fair in the summer? How far
s
I homeschool my daughter, but allow her to attend public school for the SM
social aspects. She is way ahead of her grade academically. Eventually, she will either be homeschooled exclusivelly or I will enroll her in a magnet school or alternative school.
Do you attend any free local concerts in the summer? Are any offered
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What would you all do? My SIL is making my DH attend my nephew's HS grad in Texas this June...sm
We live in Illinois.
He would be taking my youngest son with him also. The total cost of the trip for the two of them would easily be $2000 since my DH does not get paid for taking time off work. If he takes this trip that would mean no vacation for me or my other two kids next year since that's pretty much all we can afford is one vacation a year. She is insisting her only brother (DH) be there at the actual ceremony which is on a Tuesday evening. Then afterwards they plan on going out to dinner to celebrate - no party that would be it.
I would rather we go the following week, drive the entire family and stay the week and celebrate the whole week with them. My son graduates high school in two years and I don't expect her to be at the ceremony for that. We probably wouldn't have enough tickets for her anyway.
DH doesn't have the guts to tell her "No" since she's laying the guilt trip pretty thick.
Do you think we are obligated to go to the ceremony? She has more than enough family members that live over there that could attend (grandparents, aunts, uncles, her other children).
Thanks for any input.
You need to send a wedding gift if you attend the wedding - sm
If possible you should drop it by the brides or grooms house, etc. so you don't have to take it to the wedding, and so they don't have to worry about transporting the gifts from the church or the reception. You should always send a wedding gift if you attend the wedding though.
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
college son
I agree - take the phone away! My son's first away job was at age 18. He was sent to NYC Kennedy Airport as his base (flight attendant). We live in a tiny little town in IL. Of course, I wanted him to be safe, blah, blah, blah. First phone bille I got was over $200.00. His dad gave him a credit card for emergencies - first bill was over $3000.00 - you guessed it. Took both away. Got him a number to call home with, no one else. Phone companies do that somehow. Dad started sending a fixed amount (flight attendants are paid terrible wages in the beginning) Fifteen years later, he is an extremely successful hair stylist with his own hair product line in Spr. Illinois. You have to do something now or you will be broke, he will waste a year at school and they will probably make it or break it no matter what you do. Hang in there! He WILL grow up! 
college son
I could have written that same thing except this is my daughter and her boyfriend is a loser. Dont like him and havent even met him. She goes to a junior college where we live and works PT. He on the other hand does not go to school and does not have a job. When will it end. Any advice.
college son
 My son's spree ended when he was 27. He spent years "finding his niche." Flight attendant, waiter, retail clerk. Constantly broke, moving absolutely continually between IL, NY, IA and MO. Drove us nuts. After a few moves, I stopped helping with moves - "if you want to move, get your friends to help." After bleeding his dad (we were divorced, then he died) and my mom (you know the ask grandma thing) practically dry, he finally had to grow up. Went to hair college in Iowa and has been working his tail off ever since. It took him years to mature, years of poor choices, years of being poor to finally realize that his life was up to him, not anyone else. He is now totally responsible - I am so proud of him. For the past 2 years in a row, he has earned the Iliinois Times "Springfield's Best" title for hair stylist. Quite an honor. Your son will be okay. Some young guys don't make college on the first try and have to do it again a few years later. Hang in there. 
College vs. not
I am a year away from graduating with a Bachelors in psychology with counseling. I'm pretty sure it will be useful, but there is no way of knowing now.
However,
My husband just graduated in May 2008 with his History degree. This week he finally got a job, and more than likely he could have gotten it without a degree (managing a sports store), but I am sure it helped, since he doesn't have a lot of retail experience.
I think it's kind of a 50/50 deal. You could get a degree, and never need it. Or you could get one and not need it until later on in your career when you want to move up. Or you could not get it and get blocked for all kinds of jobs.
In the end I would probably do college over again just because I love learning.
Anyone out there going to college at age 40? sm
I am considering about ditching the MT scene once my children graduate from high school (in 7 years). I am currently 42 years old and considering going for a Bachelors in computers. Anyone else doing this?
Def. Plan B
Gets my vote, esp. presuming that you explained why you were taking that path.
Putting the paper on disk and printing at school was not an unreasonable option, as is telling her to call a neighbor or classmate who lives nearby to see if they have any paper to spare (I would accompany her no more than 3 blocks to pick up paper).
Or, you could also have suggested that she gather up her "nonessential" print jobs and print her paper out on the blank sides of those sheets.
Either way, she needs to deal with the embarrassement and/or reduced grade.
I plan
on doing something. I have printed out his picture and information. I intend to take that into the school and give it to the principal; letting him know I believe they should periodically check this website out and inform their teachers/employees of risks. I may even call the superintendent and voice my concerns with him too.
We have Plan A and Plan B
We had a new house built last year on a nice lakeside lot. We are about 15 years from retirement.
Plan A: We sell the house and retire to New Mexico.
Plan B: We stay here after retirement.
We are both investing in IRAs, 401Ks, etc., and we consider the house a retirement investment as well. As soon as we get our son through college, we will begin putting additional money on the principal so hopefully we can have the house paid off by the time we're ready to retire.
Whether we stay here or move will depend on a lot of things, like cost of living (very low here in Oklahoma, higher in New Mexico - Albuquerque/Santa Fe area), the state of our health, etc. That's why we have Plan A and Plan B.
It seems like she is trying to plan
things for them she thinks they might like. I do not feel she is mistreating them as much as they probably just want to stay home and do all the things they are used to doing. The sound of the mother's note seems like there is some animosity towards her- could play out with how the chidren feel, they can pick up on things like this and play to their advantage. I say have a good talk with the kids as well as the MIL and let all know to give some- the grandmother wants the children over sometimes, not unreasonble on her part.
Plan
My plan is to get the proper number of strips ready and sent in (the syndicates require a certain number be submitted at once so they can see the continued potential). The artist and myself will be 50/50 partners (in writing, of course).
I believe my idea has potential for other outlets if it is picked up (think of some other comic characters).
The money will be split, but I cannot afford to pay anyone up front. Basically we would be business partners.
My plan - sm
Thank you all who responded. Yes, I definitely want to bring him to my house. I guess I just needed some others who love animals to reassure me. :-) I am going to see if he is there this afternoon and how he reacts when I pet him and if I think I can get him in a carrier by myself. Oh, and do not worry - he will DEFINITELY be neutered ASAP. That is not even an option for my cats! I will keep you updated. Thanks again, everyone! :-)
Zero, and plan to keep it that way!
//
pray tell, how DID they get to college and/or
I'm back in college now. You
have me thinking about getting a class ring too - how funny. But the ring I like best is the class ring my mom has. I never see that style anymore. No stone, not overly large or fine either, just gold with a narrow, stacked rectangular portion in the middle that has white gold while the rest of the ring is yellow gold.
Maybe I should just see if I can get her ring back from her; I let her have it back when I moved out of the house after wearing it a lot after high school.
HELP, son in first year of college... psm
I don't get to post very often, but I am kind of at a loss as to what to do. We are having a real problem here.
My son has always been a very good kid. He has always made good grades. He has never gotten into much trouble. Well, he got almost a full-paid scholarship to college. We always told him that if he got a scholarship, we would get him a car. Well, he got the scholarship and carefully researched what kind of car he wanted. We went out and got him a car.
Subsequently, he became involved with a girl. I don't have a problem with his girlfriend. She's very sweet and I do like her. The problem is this. I got the first phone bill after he left and he was texting her day and night. So, we asked him to cut back. We pay the phone bill. We make the rules. We have unlimited messages but 15,000 messages in one month just seems crazy when he is complaining about being exhausted. We worked it out. At 10 seconds a message it would be 40 hours worth of texting...
He comes home for the weekend and we take him to dinner. Fifteen dollar dinner and he is falling asleep at the dinner table. He proceeds to tell us how miserable he is at school. We explain to him how sorry we are, but he is stuck there at the very least for this year as he is already enrolled etc. We also made it clear that he needed to at least try to make it work.
So, he continues to text day and night even though he promised he would cut down. He was texting during classes, which just seems wrong to me. It is disrespectful to the professors and unfair to the students sitting around him. We threatened to take his phone away. He finally stopped doing that but now I have my suspicions he is cutting class to talk on AIM to his girlfriend, and he had to drop the only difficult class he had or he was going to fail it and lose his scholarship. He is lying to us about stuff. He is being deceitful about stuff. I am just at my wits end.
This is a nice girl from a nice family. We know her parents. We like her. We like her parents. But I feel like she is trying to control his life from 2 hours away and it is working. It is almost like he is chosing to be miserable to accommodate her. I talked to her mother last week and one day she called home 15 times. My husband feels like we shouldn't talk to her parents about this.
We know that we can't make dating her an issue because that will just make him want to date her all the more. I am at a loss as to what if anything to do about it. My husband says that if he is chosing to be miserable then he can be miserable and that college is what you make of it. I am 95% sure he wants to change schools and go where his girlfriend is going. Well, that is the most expensive school in the state and he will be giving up a free ride to do that plus he now has an almost new car that we would have to deal with because he would not get to keep that and go to the expensive school. No way, no how. I have serious reservations about him going to a school with a party-school reputation when he has a free education at a very good school. I also do not want to pay $18,000 a year so that he can be with his girlfriend no matter how much I like her.
Any words of wisdom?
1st year of college
Went that same route, it was awful. A psychoogist friend of mine told me not to panic, to insist he finish out the year where he was. He then transferred the 2nd year. He is now married to someone he met in that second college, has beautiful children, etc. Yet to say that was one of the most horrible years of my life would be the truth. Hang in there, be stronger than he, he's just a kid, really, thinks he's in love. You on the other hand are paying for him and working yourself to death for him. Take the phone away or at least make him sign a contract that he will finish the year out, will limit his phone bill, etc. You are the boss of him, not the other way around. It's horrible, I know, but tough it out. This girl cannot be too smart, but probably very sexy. Not much you can do about it. Have your husband step in and take over or else you will be the classic Monster-In-Law. Time for Dad to be the boss here and set the rules, tell him to step up to the plate and stop being Mr. Nice Guy! He needs a strong male image to step in and tell him what the rules are, not you.
My son threw college away....
My mother was gonna pay for everything including tuition, books, clothing, you name it. He went in the front door and out the back. Later my father offered to send him to some sort of trade school, all expenses paid. Son married then, 2 children, turned it down. He basically has had horrible attitude towards any job he has ever had and usually quit/fired. I have not talked with him now in about 3 years (he lives close by). I have wished he and his family the best- I quit being the bank for them. If I could make it without extra help around to raise 2 children, with their family having both parents there, children out of high school, they can certainly make it. Good luck to them.....
Yes it is from a community college - thanks (nm)
x
I don't have children old enough for college yet, but
I did hear that there are all sorts of scholarships out there, you just have to know where to look. Maybe someone else will know exactly how to find them, but I remember hearing that there's some sort of book out (maybe try googling)where you can get a scholarship just (as an example) for being Polish or Italian and some places give out scholarships for the oddest things. Good luck. My daughter wants to be a vet, and the school she'll want to go to Cornell is so expensive, if she doesn't get a scholarship there's no way we can afford it.
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