I think I really am going mental w/isolation thing.
Posted By: Hayseed on 2007-12-14
In Reply to:
I guess it's an occupational hazard, isn't it? I have these bouts where I just withdraw and don't want nuttin' to do with no one--sometimes for weeks a a time, then I get almost manic and freeze up physically and mentally, which can last for days, and then one day I'm happy as a clam and glad to be alive...then the cycle repeats.
I'm geographically isolated anyway but this 'career' is just mentally crippling when you are a person who needs to be forced to get up and out anyway or else they might sink into a depression, ya know?
I'm actually starting to get mild panic attacks if I have to drive anywhere--how f'd up is that?! This not where I had planned to be at this time of my life--or ever for that matter! Serious midlife cris going on here in my head, so, yeah you're not alone.
If there were more opportunities in my neck of the woods, I would so be out of this business. But, alas, if I leave it's a MAJOR step backwards and I won't do that. You know what though, now that I'm thinking about it....I am a halfway decent cook, and did okay in chemistry class, and there sure are a lot of folks strung out on meth 'round these parts. I'm thinkin' maybe I should open up a meth lab and go into business for myself! It sure would get me back in touch 'with the people!'
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Isolation is tough sm
I had an office doing this but never had the time to socialize with anyone in the building as I hated it if they came into my office because it meant I had to stop working. They used to call me "the robot" and that's exactly what I was. I am now home and don't get out to do things in the neighborhood, don't know my neighbors nor do I want to. I do feel like I missed out on life although I had a good thing going and it helped get my kids through school, etc., except it made me socially inept. Even when I had someone working for me, I would not stop to talk to them and resented it if they took time to jabber on the phone, etc. I was a slave driver to myself and everyone else. This job is enough to drive one to the looney bin. We shall all have to end up in the same place I guess when we get old. I don't know how to socialize anymore and I used to enjoy people. Perhaps this work has made me an introvert or I went into this profession because I am an introvert, who knows? I can relate. No one else outside the field can though, I guess they are "normal" and I am not. When I do go out to do something, I always think of the lines I am losing and feel like I'm wasting time and could be making a line count. Crazy!!
P.S. He will serve those years in isolation.
Las Vegas doesn't want to get sued if he is in general population and somebody hurts him.
Small town isolation
I have lived in small towns for nearly 40 years. Newcomers are not welcomed very well. I had a person at church tell me thank for coming to their church after being a member for many years. They are not a bit backward in ignoring you at pubic events.
Why was the post on social isolation deleted??
I was going to post a response to this and see the thread is gone! It was just posted a few minutes ago and I'm wondering what happened here.
I'm sure there must be a mental problem - (SM)
She may have been just fine last summer when she made her last NASA space flight. But things can take a turn suddenly. She may already have a problem like OCD or depression that she was on meds for, and suddenly gone off them, or else the "love triangle" thing might have been stronger than the meds. So many different possibilities. Look at her "before" and "after" pictures. She almost looks like she's on crack or heroin in that mug shot. Could be hooked on painkillers, uppers, or ? I'm trying not to rush to judgement, but I also wonder why someone would throw away such a seemingly charmed life. But when a person is having a mental problem, they often can't see through all the "noise" in their head, and can't weigh consequences. Anyway, it's a shame, but how lucky for the woman she was after, that she wasn't thinking clearly enough to actually get the job done.
mental aspect also
figure out who is a pain in your butt! Sometimes it is referred pain!
…Had nothing to do with mental incompetence
Fraud yes but how do we not know the above is not verging on the same?
I really think there is a mental issue going on
She is actually quite a bit older than us. I am in my late 20s and my husband is in his mid-30s and this woman is 50. We met her years ago when we used to work together.
She wouldn't tell us exactly why she lost her job and was very, very vague in the details. I have a feeling that there is more going on than she would reveal to us, but I really don't even care at this point.
I honestly do believe that her husband is caught right in the middle of all of this, esepcially since we haven't heard a single word from him in weeks. She was very, very nasty in her email that she sent, which included several personal attacks, all of which were completely untrue accusations.
This is a direct quote from her email that she sent today:
"i should not be surprised because u dont take care of ur own financial commitments either and often get in over your head. If you had gotten urself into a mess financially i would have helped you out because we were friends, i now expect that you can deliver the money you owe us over here at the soonest possible time."
The woman can't even spell! Also, she doesn't know anything about our finances. We own a house, 2 cars, always work LOTS of extra hours, and always pay our bills. For her to say that is absolutely insane. She is just in such a desperate state and is beyond frustrated because we refuse to pay her anything.
Oh, and she even said in her email that we owed him $456!!! Where did that amount come from?!?! Yesterday it was $300, which was still outragenous!
Sorry for the long vent...again! LOL
how do I access the mental health page?
I just came across it a few seconds ago. Thanks!
Check out the mental health board
:)
obviously you don't have a personal experience with mental illness
she is very sick and she needs help, which I am hoping she is getting. Mental illness is like any other disease, cancer, diabetes, etc., but there is a horrid stigma attatched to it. She can't help being sick just like anyone else can't help having cancer. It's called a chemical imbalance...when will people realize this is just as real and the affected can't help it or just "get over it"???
Ways to maintain mental health...
Hope these make someone laugh... Makes me wish I worked in an office away from home sometimes...
Ways To Maintain Mental Health 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In." 5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors." (I actually do this one!) 7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with The Prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuation 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. 11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go." 12. Sing along at the opera. 13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day. 15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard." 17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!" 19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." 20. Share this with someone else... its called therapy.
Question regarding mental retardation and other issues
My sister adopted a boy back in 1989 when he was just about a year old (from Paraguay). He's now 19 years old and she said he is awful and getting worse and worse. She said he's horrible to be around and it's getting to a point where she doesn't want to be around him anymore. He was diagnosed before he ever went into grade school with mental retardation. Through the years my mom and sister were always defensive about it telling people that's he's not retarded, he's "special". Anyway....here it is 19 years later and he is getting worse and worse. Sis just called me from Maine on her last day of vacation and said he's the worst he's ever been. She said he has mood swings, happy one second miserable another. He won't let anyone touch the remote control and all week they had to watch what he wanted otherwise they were in screaming matches in the room. Whenever there is a thunder or lightening storm (which on the east coast is a monthly occurrence) he goes absolutely nuts...meaning, he runs around their house screaming at the top of his lungs "make it stop, make it stop" "tell God I'll day anything he wants, just make it stop", then he runs around banging his head against the wall (btw - it rained every day they were on vacation). I went back 2 years ago and one night it started raining. Actually it hadn't even started raining, there were some dark clouds in the distance. I was woken up early early that morning (bout 4 am) to the sound of screaming. My bedroom was on the first floor and they all were upstairs (they live in a 2 story colonial home). Anyway...I kept hearing screaming and screaming and I thought something happened to one of them so I yelled up to make sure they were all okay. Sis yells down that there are some dark clouds in the distance and she's yelling at my nephew to knock it off, it's not raining or anything. He's running around yelling "make it stop, I can't take it". I fell back asleep only to be woken by my nephew standing at the side of my bed saying "I can't help it, I can't help it. It's not my fault" and his hands were clenched in fists. Then he started hitting punching himself in the head. I could hear my sis and her husband talking upstairs so knew they were okay, but all I could picture was him standing over them with a knife after he's slashed them then stand there like that saying I couldn't help it, it wasn't my fault, I couldn't control myself. He's a very huge kid (340 pounds) - and he keeps telling them he is not overweight, he is muscular. Anyway...to make a long story short years ago they brought someone to the house to try and find out what's going on with the storm thing and nobody helped them. I kept telling her he may need to be on medication, but they had no health insurance so never did anything about it. This morning she called me and said she is going to have some counselers from her church (she's mormon and said they have professional counselors there) evaluate him when they get back from vacation. She said they charge but not as much as regular ones (outside their church - they charge according to what you can afford). Anyway...she said he is horrible horrible horrible, and she called him a little pri*k. She said even her husband said to her "you and Dan don't get along". She said he won't listen to her, said he's 19 and he can do whatever he wants and he won't listen to them. They were giving him $50 a day allowance while on vacation this past week and he would demand it every morning before they had a chance to get out of bed. She said they would hide their wallets after he fell asleep because he just goes in and steels money from them. I asked her if I heard that right. I said $50 a day? I said if she held back his allowance for 3 days that would have paid for an hour of counseling. She said to me I don't know what I'm going to do it they tell me he's bipolar or ADHD or whatever and needs medication. I said would you rather have him diagnosed and on medication or know that he has something he needs medication for and he's deprived of it. I said it's going to just get worse and worse if they don't treat it (whatever the illness is) and for her and her husbands sanity she's got to do something. Sis turned 50 this year and her husband is 64. I said this is not what they need at this time of their lives. Also, last October they adopted a little girl from China (she's just two years old and she's okay and is not handicapped), but she said this week it was like Dan was competing with her. She would get a happy meal at McD's and he would have to have one too, amongst other things he did. At one time this week they asked him if he was upset because they adopted the girl and he said no. They asked what the problem was and he said nothing, leave me alone. My BIL seems to think that maybe Dan realizes that he's not going to go anywhere in life and is depressed. I just told her either way, she has got to get some help for him because he could get worse and worse. Once I told her that I was worried about the safety of she and her husband if they didn't get their son the treatment he needs, but she blew it off and said no, that her son is deathly afraid of her (he may be 340 pounds, but sis is 260 pounds - not as big but he backs down if she comes after him).
Anyway...I don't know how much stronger I can emphasize to them that they need to get help. Sis has talked about some day comeing out for a visit and hanging out at our place, but there is no way in you know where my DH would allow that. I am very intolerable of my nephew. When I go back to visit her he gets on my nerves something really bad. The thing is he does things on purpose to urk them and then he'll look at me and laugh about it, so I know he knows what he is doing wrong. But I get him back because I tattle on him to his parents. HA HA - Okay, I'm bad. But after being around him for about 15 minutes is enough for me. There is nothing that is nice about that kid. I've been around a lot of other retarded kids, kids with down syndrome and they are nothing like Dan. I love them dearly and they are the nicest kids (sometimes better well behaved than kids without disabilities). Anyway...because I know I can't take more than 15 minutes or so with him my DH is way less tolerant than I am and he has no interest in seeing him at all, let alone having him come to our place. Nephew also has a bowel problem and goes to the bathroom in his pants often, so that woudn't work either.
Anyway...don't know if anyone has anything to add to my post on what I can tell my sis. Always afraid of saying the wrong thing to her. Anyway...just had to vent about that. I do hope they get him some help but not sure if they will (it's been 16 years since they should have first gotten him help.
Mental health agencies have had funds depleted. There is no help
hhjklhlk
does anyone know how to access the mental health board on MT stars??
I know this isn't the right place to ask but have not received an answer anywhere else yet. I came across it accidentally last evening when someone posted. Thanks!
Of course they will listen. Mental abuse is extremely prevalent
and the abuse counselor will tell you the cycle of violence, here's an example you may recognize from him: First there is grumbling or little comments that demean you. You question yourself because he just seems to be "trying to help you," then, there is using finances, threats to take things away including children, controlling who you see, where you go, even what you think, then when you voice an opinion the violence. Starts out verbal. Will definitely lead to physical some day. He will also try the "crazy making," If you know the moon is blue for example, he will say it is green cheese, and then make you feel like you are the crazy one. You will question your reality and the truth that the moon is blue. You will become confused.
Then, a gift will appear, some form of kindness from him. You will forgive him figuring you were wrong, maybe it was you, maybe he will change, or whatever. You give in to him. Then it starts all over again, the grumbling. It is like clockwork. This is a proven fact with abusers. These people never change. A minute percentage do seek counseling, but the control they desire is too rooted in their being and their identity. They feed off of this control. Once the person they control is gone for good, they will seek someone else out.
Mental violence is a crime. Stalking is not just physical for example, phone calls, constant badgering when you say no, or say stop treating me this way, this is violence. I could go on about it, but please call the hotline and forgive me for being wordy here. Make that call and all will fall into place.
Needing A Mental/Emotional Jump Start
You good people are probably as good to ask as anybody although if we had a philosophy board, it might be better. My question is Why? Why are we killing ourselves? And I mean this in the broader sense than just the MT industry. I have an ex (46 years old) who is an alcoholic. He lives waaaaaaay out in a very rural area. He owns his own house, land, and a lot of horses, something he acquired 20 years ago when he had a really really good job. He has a regular income now of about $1000/month from CDs, primarily funded from an industrial accident about 10 years ago.
Anyway, neither he nor any of his friends work. They sit around, start drinking at noon and light their first joint, and just drink steadily until passing out around 2 AM. They play horseshoes, cribbage, shoot pool, shoot the breeze, joy ride, poach deer, etc. His house is kind of a dump (jiggle the toilet handle, turn on the tub water with pliers, no windows that open) and lots of projects undertaken while drunk, some done, many half finished. As they say, the Lord provides for fools and drunks, and that seems to be the case here, as he never goes hungry, has never had to do without his vices because of money, etc. Somehow, something always falls into his lap when he needs it, and I'm not talking $20...he'll rent a chunk of land to a farmer for several K and gets all caught up, or he sells some old fencing and gets a grand. He bought a couple of timeshares years and years ago so he takes these great vacations a couple of times a year where the lodging is only $150/week.
I had to leave because I just couldn't stand the lifestyle (I don't drink, smoke pot, or shoot pool), but I'm wondering why. I'm killing myself working 2 jobs to keep the roof over my head and maintain even a meager quality of life, and while I don't have the drunken projects he does, my house is no palace. If it weren't for my kids chipping in and helping, my car would have been reclaimed by the finance company a couple months ago.
So I'm having a hard time hanging on to my motivation lately. There's probably some jealousy involved, but it's also making me wonder why I bother. If I really wanted to, he would probably take me back and there are moments that I wonder 'Why not?'. What is wrong with the way he is living? Footloose and fancy free without a care in the world?
How do you find the strength/will to go on plugging away when it would be so easy to fall into the idiot/drunk category and just the Lord take care of everyday existence like he does for the ex?
How about your mental health and wear & tear on your body??! Enuf
s
link for Mental Health Board inside post
http://forum.mtstars.com/misc/b/8.html
it's located right here above our posts and under the words GAB BOARD
Many meds for depression and mental retardation make people very SM
heavy. My friend has gained probably 75 pounds or more since being on some of the meds. Don't know quite why they contribute to weight loss, but one commercial some years ago said that it does something to the part of the brain that senses when you are full. . . . .
Happiness is a heart thing; pleasure is a head thing.nm
I do the same thing
I like it when there is a web site that has pictures of the docs/PAs/nurses . . . so funny to see how they look, after already having an image in my mind from hearing their voice.
I once had a boss, with whom I had only corresponded by e-mail, IM, etc. When I finally did speak with her on the telephone, my image of her changed completely, although I still do not know what she really looks like. In this case, she went from a very professional-looking, large (as in big-boned, tall, etc.) red head, to a very large (as in fat), short, still red-headed (but in a messy bun, rather than professional shoulder-length style), barefoot, straw-hanging-out-of-her-mouth, country bumpkin. LOL :)
it cut off the first thing is said.
i said to say how you wish you could change it all for him but you cant...and also, the plot of this angle would be putting guilt onto him that what his father has done to him, he did to him...not to your children and that they shouldnt have to endure the same pain as he has to go thru. when i play this reverse psychology stuff with my husband, of course he gets angry..bla bla..says whatever, btu then i always see him using my advise later..it does soak into their hearts.
Only thing you can do is pay or it will
go on your credit. Sorry this happened but I would not cosign even if it were for my own child if I thought there was even a remote chance that they would default from lack of responsibility/funds. I would tell her that you will pay it but that she has to pay you back and set up a payment schedule for her to pay you back. If she will not go to the other girl, that is her problem, not yours. Tell her she will have to pay you back and be emphatic about it, even if it is at $10 a month to show her that is not the way to handle responsibility.
The only thing I know is what
my realtor told me. When we were signing contracts, there was a special on TV about this. He made some comments because apparently he does not think this is a good idea. From what I know, you cannot see inside the house before the auction or have an inspection or anything. It is as is. Unfortunately, you do not know what type of structural problems this could include. They showed one guy who bought this house he had his eye for a long time at a very cheap price. When he got in there to start renovations, he found a lot more problems with it than he anticipated. Luckily, he was a contractor though and had the means to fix it up cheaper than you or I would and was actually selling these homes once finishing them. He said that one he about broke even on. He said it was a hit and miss when buying like that.
I agree with the other poster though that you should find out the laws in your state first and see if it is occupied still which could present another headache in itself. Good luck!
It was the best thing I ever did. sm
Had abdominal hysterectomy due to endometriosis, ovarian cysts, adhesions, fibroids, etc.
I wish I did it sooner is all I can say. I was up and out of bed the following morning. I, like you, had previous c-section, so I anticipated the pain, etc.
Really, no big deal for me at the age of 37. I am completely without pain now. What a relief! Had problems since I was 13 - now none! I can honestly say I feel like a new person.
Good luck in whatever you decide.
My son does the same thing... sm
Who says we're not focused on our work in our home environment???? AAAYYY?
My doc said the same thing
live your life. I've not had a flare since 13 months ago. I've defintely found keeping my mind busy and my body active makes for a better attitude.
We do the same thing. nm
nm
Only thing I would add is that I would definitely not
allow my child to talk to this person on the telephone - that is what caller ID is for. Otherwise wonderful advice.
I was going to say the same thing, I am also
wondering why such a wonderful man would have two ex-wives.
One more thing -
Do give your MIL the number of the vet you use in case she needs to take kitty there for something. I have done this with the people who have watched my cats over the years. They have never needed to take them to the vet for anything, but it gave me peace of mind knowing it was in place should it be needed. It sounds like you have covered all the rest. Enjoy your trip!!
And another thing....
I didn't choose to work at home because I was too lazy to go find another job outside of the home. I chose to quit my job outside of the home (making more money than I do now!) so that I could do this instead.
Also, I am starting school this year to get another job outside of the home. I guess when I am balancing all this and going to school, I will still be lazy and unprofessional to you! Whatever....
Like I've said before, people chose professions for all kinds of reasons. Staying at home was my reason. So what?! That does not mean you do your job any better than me or the rest of us. That is all in your head, which is a very big one at that!
first thing I would do - sm
Pay off all bills and set up college funds and trusts for my kids and any grandkids I may get in the forthcoming years.
Then I would be a little more conservative and buy a fixer upper and turn it into my dream home. Who needs to build another house when there are so many beautiful old neglected homes out there?!
The next thing I would do is buy this old building in town that used to be a school and renovate it into a group home for unwed mothers/fathers, dormitory style so I could help them build futures for themselves and their children.
That would be my dream.
Maybe she needs to go out and do her thing? nm
x
And another thing-
I would be willing to bet she does not show up on Dancing with the Stars. When I heard she was supposed to be on there, I thought nah, don’t think so.
I know that this is not the same thing..sm
but I had a kitty cat who had diabetes. with unchecked diabetes, the kidneys are at risk. my kitty started kidney failure and had alot of the same symptoms you described. She would not eat or drink, because she did not want to p because it hurt to p. She became so severely dehydrated, I had to put her down. she was 13 years old. Has your doggie been checked for diabetes?? It is just a thought and I am not trying to scare you, but I would have started forcing fluids before this, with your doggie. Good luck. I hate it when pets get sick and you don't know how to help them! Also, has she been checked for the parvoux (sp) virus??
One more thing......
I went back and re-read your message after posting. Your fruits are from your hard labor, but are also a blessing from God. I know that sounds confusing, but believers know that you have to work hard to produce fruits. It's what you do with those fruits that make the difference. God does bless you for your hard work.
To explain it better:
The bible says this: Proverbs 14:23 All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.
I'm going through the same thing here!
One of my dogs (a gay little Lhasa-Poo) has the itchy horrors. The vet took skin scrapings looking for mites but found nothing and yet still prescribed Ivermectin (a wormer) in the hopes that the itching was caused by some creepy crawly that just couldn't be seen. I just squirted this stuff into his mouth every 2 weeks for 3 doses total and nothing. Everyone is on FrontLine for flea prevention and we did the prednisone along with something like benadryl and different foods...just like you have done! I even went so far as to shave him myself down to the skin.
After all that "experimentation" and retarded vet bills, he still has the friggin' itching! Vet thinks it is allergies as well and recommends we just live with it, as the testing is going to be a heck of a lot more $$$ and it carries no guarantee either of finding out the true cause.
I say my dog is allergic to himself...or us...or the other animals here. Can't do much about it. I figure if he's happy, eating, sleeping, and pretty much enjoying life, it's just going to be one of his annoying quirks...that along with leaving skidmarks on the rug!
Good luck and keep us updated on if you find anything out that works for you!
oh - and another thing -
the other poster that mentioned allergies - my mom has had two dogs now with severe allergies to grass and fleas. Even though she was using Revolution - even if a flea got on her and died immediately it caused problems. One was put on steroids and ended up losing all of her hair from the steroids.
One thing I can say...........sm
My mom used Oil of Olay her entire adult life. She did not spend a lot of time in the sun. She got up every morning and put on Oil of Olay before work, and then at night. She is 67 years old and her skin looks better than mine. She doesn't have the uneven tone and skin blotchiness that I do. So, I have been thinking about giving the line a try myself!!!!
I did the same thing, and my mom do any of the - sm
organizing or planning. I did ask her advise on my dress and the color flowers but that was it. I even picked out her dress! Yes I am a control freak, but it all came off the way I wanted it to and it all went very smoothly as I had it organized it from day 1. I had a vision of what I wanted and was able to get it. I had 9 months to plan it, but had it all ironed out and set up within 5 weeks of my engagement. My mom did go dress shopping with me of course and helped be pick out my dress but that was basically the extent of her involvement. I had a very small wedding which helped too (50). She was not the type of person though to stick her nose into other people's business which I think is a very good trait (especially in a MIL). My in-laws to be stayed out of it too, though I did ask them for input on the rehersal dinner in terms of menu/ordering as they did pay for that. I know how to be a good politician when necessary.
I said same thing down below and got
flamed for saying just let it go, glad to hear someone else say exactly the same.
Have only one thing to say - buh-bye
nm
I think you are doing the right thing (sm)
I would not call the mom.
Well, she was right about one thing! (sm)
The man on the $10 bill was not a president at all! Alexander Hamilton was the Secretary of the Treasury.
It's really ironic that you mention this because my daughter, whose 2nd year of college just ended, is going through learning withdrawals, so she's doing independent study on the presidents and US history. She is completely facinated with Hamilton (and the currency he is on as well!).
I gave her $10 a couple nights ago and she has no idea what happened to it (turned up in the wash today). Then she lost $10 of someone else's money (trust me, she is usually very responsible). When I asked her what's up with her losing $10 bills, she said, 'I'm just secretly collecting Hamiltons. I love the guy!'
...ok I've had enough of this Hamilton guy. Maybe she'd stop secretly hoarding 10s if Clooney's picture was on them!
And that is an odd thing??
Murders happen everywhere!! In my city, mostly 3-4 on a daily basis. Would probably be safer there.
I do the same thing--
We live in the country and my computer is right here at the window where they are always playing outside. I just have to stop and take a break sometimes just to watch them through the window and smile! Really lightens the day.
thing is
if you were to leave, you have time to clear your head a little and figure out a course of action. i came back here because he promised all sorts of things, and he did seem sorry and trying to change, but last night gave me a vision of the old days, which I cannot and will not live in. He is awake now, and is trying to be sorry. Im just really tired.
only you know the right thing to do
Quote - My question is - if he has never been happy with me, and I have always been a source of frustration, why should I stay now and expect things to improve? We have been to 4 marriage counsellors in the past. I am scared about leaving and I still do love him deep down, but why continue to stay if I will never be good enough? Unquote
I noticed that you focused your entire post about what he says, thinks, feels and does. Finally, in the last sentence you give a minor reference to how you feel. You don't talk about whether or not you are happy, how you would feel about staying (only being scared to leave). I was in a relationship for almost 20 years where I stayed for the sake of the kids - stayed 9 years too long. If divorce is going to be the end result, it hurts longer to stay than to just do it and get it over with. It does not sound like either one of you are going to be happy staying together - WHY would you want to stay with somone like that? Lots of things in life are scarry and feeling some love _deep down_ should not be the sole reason to stay.
What about your mental health, happiness, well being, ability to care for your children, finding your self worth? In other words, why are you concentrating on him and not on you? If he has never been happy with you, is not now happy with you, is there some miracle you are waiting on to filter down from the skies and change that about him so one day, maybe, hopefully, so you won't have to be scared to make a decision, he will want to be with you? Lots of definitives (he is not happy you) (you are scared of the unknown if you split up), but a lot fewer unknowns (can you find happiness without someone dragging you down and staying the source of his frustration?).
Gotta make a choice and all of us on this site can't make it for you. I emphasize with you, truly I do. Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I got tired of getting the same results (my unhappiness). You seem to be putting his worth over yours - from my perspective. No one can make you unhappy unless you give them permission to. You make a decision every time you choose not to make a decision.
Best of luck in these hard times.
one more thing to think about....
You can deduct the interest you pay on your mortgage come tax time. Can't do that with a CC.
Great points made by "Advice" above.
Get rid of the CC debt first and foremost. The lower the amount you pay on your CC, the more you pay in interest. If you keep using that CC, you'll never get out of the hole. Pay as much as you can every month, not the minimum. Cut up the card when you are done.
Debt counselor is a great idea, but do they work for free? If they consolidate your debt into one loan, they must be making money off you somehow.
Most of this is common sense, hard work on your part, and some heavy duty scrimping and saving. It's not forever, just until you can get back on track and out of debt. Try tracking EVERY cent that comes in your house for a month. Include every single thing like parking meters, coffee, etc. You'd be surprised how the little things add up. Fill your car up in the a.m. or night when the temp is cooler outside = more gas for your $.
Be creative, you can figure out lots of ways to shave $$.
Good luck!
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