I personally think the funeral is what makes you an emotional wreck.
Posted By: Confetti on 2009-03-17
In Reply to: can people say goodbye without a funeral? - sm
Funerals compound the grief for me. The dark lighting, the sad music, the morbid displaying of a dead body in the casket! No way for me. I hope to God my parents don't want funerals.
Memorial service, no problem.
I think the traditional funeral service is antiquated and just makes things worse.
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What makes you think I look a wreck in jammies?
Actually, I take a lot of care in making sure I have nice jammies that match my slippers and my hair is fixed with a little bit of makeup. I always put a bra on before lunch. My DH thinks it's very seductive that I'm home all day in my jammies working. But that's just my hubs. LOL!
I've seen some who do look a wreck in jammies, but some of those peeps also look a wreck in anything -- sweats, jeans, Donna Karen, etc.
Personally, this makes me sick
This lady (moron) now has 14 (count them - fourteen) children under the age of 7 (her other six children range from 2-7).
She is unemployed, which means she is now a drain on the California Welfare System, who already has enough of a problem with trying to support babies of illegal immigrants, This may not be an issue much longer, as CA is going broke. Quickly.
She has no husband. She will not reveal the father of these children. I'm sorry - I know that marriages do sometimes not work out. It happens, and sometimes, for various reasons, children have to be raised without their fathers. But to PURPOSELY bring 14 children into this world without a father for guidance and support, both emotionally and financially is just downright selfish and sick. How in the world is she going to care for these children? I've heard she is hoping for either a movie deal or maybe an A&E special. Lady, don't count your chickens before they're hatched. I personally hope she does not get any help from Pampers, Gerber or any other baby product makers.
I've also heard she has bled her parents almost dry.
One other thing - who is the idiotic doctor who implanted all eight eggs in a woman who already has 6 children? I have been thru the infertility bit. Unfortunately, due to the cost of IVF, which runs around $15,000-$20,000, we could not afford anything more than an intrauterine insemination, which did not take. He ought to be reported to the ethics board. Generally, reproductive endocrinologists do not like to implant any more than 3-4 eggs, wanting to avoid the risk of such pregnancies. I think the doctor just saw the $$$$ signs. He ought to be fined and lose his license, at least for a period of time. Any right-minded RE doc would ask how many children are already in the family. After finding out she already has six, more than likely, no more than 2 eggs would have been implanted. Who knows - maybe he was only seeking fame and fortune.
I only hope things turn out well for the children and she is a good mother to home and has a lot of emotional support from her parents, friends and family.
Just my 2 cents, for as little as it may be worth.
I was a wreck about doing it sm
So many people said I would hate them, never get used to them, taste metal from the partial or feel like I had a mouthful of you know what, but it hasn't been anything like that at all and I don't taste metal, either. The only irritating thing to me right now is retraining my gag reflex to cooperate but that will come in time as will chewing and both are getting much better. I just need to be patient and take my time. 
I heard about the wreck but knew nothing
about the groups there, for what?? Did the Harleys show up there also? Free speech but that has really gone overboard. Karma will take care of all this, believe me.
Zoey pulled, great for that, Britney has been a train wreck for
some time. I am glad her sister's show got cancelled. She supposedly is looked up to by these little teeners, not good. I have read there are money problems for the mother, good about that too, she has lived off both her daughters, let them get a regular job. Britney has been spinning out of control for at least over a year and hopefully someone will have her committed. If you or I, and not answering the courts with their demands for parenting clases, drug checks, depositions, etc. we would have already been jailed. It is no different with her. The mother is accountable probably for her sister's pregnancy, heard she let the boyfriend live with them, just trailer trash all of them.
i need some emotional support
Not sure how much of DH yelling I can take. I work 2 jobs. Yesterday I had to put in 5 hours for one. DH is supposed to help with the kids. Well, his level of helping yesterday was just sitting in his chair and yelling at them to stop doing this or that. He said about 5 times that my 15-mo had a dirty diaper. I had the attitude like “well go change it, I am working.” He never changed it and I don’t know how long she stayed in that dirty diaper but by the time I got to changing her, she was red. Then I went to help my 5 year old with her Valentines. She did 20 Valentines and she insisted on doing them herself. It took her 2 hours but she did it all. I was proud of her and amazed. Dh kept hollering for us to get through because he wanted some Ice cream. I told him since he can drive he can go get it himself. He got mad and started yelling. My 15 MO kept bothering us. I got some toys to try to help distract her and it would work for a little bit but then she would pester us some more. I told dh to keep her distracted and he shouted “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO.” WHY ARE YOU ACTING THIS WAY? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? I told dh that she acts like she is hungry, has she had anything to eat. “she has been eating popcorn all after noon” I knew better than to ask him anymore so I got up and started to go find her something to eat and he yelled “SIT DOWN” and gave me a look that could kill.
I told dh that I just don’t know how to deal with him anymore. I feel he is angry with me or resentful. When we first got married, his Mommy was practically sleeping in between us. She balanced our check book, she went through or mail to see what bills had to be paid, still does, she has to know everything about what we are doing. She and dh are best friends. MIL went on all the vacations with us and it was always where dh wanted to go and MIL always loved where dh wanted to go. When I had the kids, it had to be all about her. I told dh thiat if this sick business did not stop, I was leaving. It stopped. Poor MIL don’t get to see her DGK anymore. Boo hoo hoo, (coming from dh and MIL). I am so mean. This is all another story.
One minute dh says he loves me, then next he treats me like this. My family, unfortunately, loves dh. He doesn’t act like this around them. He is no niceeee and MIL is so niceeee.
I have to go. I got to get my kids up and ready for school.
Emotional support
Sounds like you are carrying the load yourself. It's amazing how men are so insensitive and wrapped up in themselves. You basically have to hit them over the head with a baseball bat to get any sense into them. Obviously, if you were working and you have little ones running around and needing care, how hard can it be for him to jump in there and do what needs to be done? Hang in there. Maybe you can try talking to him and spelling out for him what you expect from him when you are working, especially with the kids. Good luck!
I was so emotional did not notice and SM
made mistakes in mine as well. No problem. I think we got our point across. I wish you and me could team up and wipe some of the needless suffering and abuse out. 
Emotional Blackmail
Emotional Blackmail is all this is. People use it to control and manipulate and they get away with it because it has worked in the past. We have a similar situation in our family (not husband) and it is emotionally and physically draining. I really feel for you because I know how these types of people can consume your life. You know the answer to your question, it's just how to make it happen. That's the hard part. It's almost like we let it happen because we are just exhausted and we know something should have been done years ago. Sometimes we feel it's our fault too because we allowed it. Boot him out! He will cry fake tears, cut himself with a toothpick, swallow some Tums, but eventually, if you hold your ground, he will catch on!
You seem to be a very emotional, overimpulsive
person. I counted over 20 exclamation marks at the end of your 1-word post. Is this neceassary?
Still, I believe as a parent or friend or whatever you can use whatever expression you want to use, but for a teacher it is NOT o.k.
It is imposing and intruding.
When teacher say that they sometimes address the pupils with terms of endearment, because they do hot remember their names (?), there is a question for this: 'What is your name?'
It seems to me that teachers who call the pupils by 'endearing' expressions, need some endearing themselves!
Fabric softener makes towels softer, yes, but it also makes them less absorbent. sm
Which is, after all, the function of a towel, absorbency. :-)
Men just are not the emotional creatures that women are--sm
like another poster stated, if he was not like this before marriage, he never will be. However, you should still talk to him. He cannot do on his own what he does not know you want from him. He will never do it *on his own* because he does not know that is what you expect. He is not a mind reader. If you don't talk to him about this, you are going to end up resentful of him and your relationship will not last. You sound like you want him to treat you like a baby instead of a wife. Maybe you should reevaluate what your expectations are from a marriage.
blatant emotional abuse
You say he is out and about all the time with work or just doing fun stuff.
Talk to an attorney then, when he leaves the next time, have the separation papers filed and put his rear end out. He has probably already talked to an attorney if he is trying to talk YOU into taking the kids and leaving.
A judge is going to be more favorable toward keeping the kids in their home.
His abusive behavior toward you touches on the kids emotional health too.
Give him the boot girl!
11-year-old boys - always this emotional? sm
My son is 11 and he seems to cry lately about little things...he has to take a shower, he gets teary-eyed. He can't find the shirt he wants to wear because it is in the laundry....tears up. He argues about not wanting to take a shower, and is extremely picky about which clothes he will wear. He wants to let his hair grow longish, which is fine with me, but he then wants to brush it all into his face and almost hide behind it. The last time I had him get his hair just trimmed a little he cried beforehand and said "I'm already fat, I at least want my hair to be cool." He is barely chubby, not fat at all, and brushing his hair in his face doesn't look cool. I am all for kids having "cool" hairstyles and I buy him the type of clothing he wants, but he decides a week later that he no longer likes the shirt or shoes I just bought a week before when he really liked it. Is this normal?
Emotional upset and stress. Such as reading MT
x
Needing A Mental/Emotional Jump Start
You good people are probably as good to ask as anybody although if we had a philosophy board, it might be better. My question is Why? Why are we killing ourselves? And I mean this in the broader sense than just the MT industry. I have an ex (46 years old) who is an alcoholic. He lives waaaaaaay out in a very rural area. He owns his own house, land, and a lot of horses, something he acquired 20 years ago when he had a really really good job. He has a regular income now of about $1000/month from CDs, primarily funded from an industrial accident about 10 years ago.
Anyway, neither he nor any of his friends work. They sit around, start drinking at noon and light their first joint, and just drink steadily until passing out around 2 AM. They play horseshoes, cribbage, shoot pool, shoot the breeze, joy ride, poach deer, etc. His house is kind of a dump (jiggle the toilet handle, turn on the tub water with pliers, no windows that open) and lots of projects undertaken while drunk, some done, many half finished. As they say, the Lord provides for fools and drunks, and that seems to be the case here, as he never goes hungry, has never had to do without his vices because of money, etc. Somehow, something always falls into his lap when he needs it, and I'm not talking $20...he'll rent a chunk of land to a farmer for several K and gets all caught up, or he sells some old fencing and gets a grand. He bought a couple of timeshares years and years ago so he takes these great vacations a couple of times a year where the lodging is only $150/week.
I had to leave because I just couldn't stand the lifestyle (I don't drink, smoke pot, or shoot pool), but I'm wondering why. I'm killing myself working 2 jobs to keep the roof over my head and maintain even a meager quality of life, and while I don't have the drunken projects he does, my house is no palace. If it weren't for my kids chipping in and helping, my car would have been reclaimed by the finance company a couple months ago.
So I'm having a hard time hanging on to my motivation lately. There's probably some jealousy involved, but it's also making me wonder why I bother. If I really wanted to, he would probably take me back and there are moments that I wonder 'Why not?'. What is wrong with the way he is living? Footloose and fancy free without a care in the world?
How do you find the strength/will to go on plugging away when it would be so easy to fall into the idiot/drunk category and just the Lord take care of everyday existence like he does for the ex?
funeral
I think the Harley guys are actually Vietnam war vets. We had the same thing happen here - the Kansas group is not making many converts to their way of thinking.
Funeral
I know they keep saying if you do not agree with a post...DO NOT RESPOND..... so they have to BLACK to grieve.....
Funeral
Not flaming you.....very good post.....
oh wow! why protest at someone's funeral?--sm
How about a little compassion for the family of the one who was killed? my goodness. this is not the place to hold an anti-war protest!!! Most of these soldiers probably had no choice in where they were sent while serving out country. I am against the war too, but as much as I am against it, I would leave the families of the departed to grieve in peace. how rude! How do the bikers get involved in keeping the peace??? sorry, I just really don't know about all of this.
Not worse than the funeral I went to
NM
Missing funeral
Male a donation in the girl's name to the Natinal Kidney Foundation or some other kidney charity with a nice note.
funeral protester
Is it that same woman with her 8 kids that were picketing the soldiers funerals. That woman is a disgusting disgrace and they should arrest her for disturbing the peace. That ugly SOB. All she wants is media coverage and she should be arrested for child abuse for making her kids learn all this nonsense she is spewing out. I would like to see the people take it upon theirselve to knock the crap out of this woman and have he police just stand by and let her get the crap beat out of that scumball.
There is a funeral in our area this weekend for ...
a soldier killed in Iraq and just found out those wonderful people from Kansas are planning to attend. 
Song not any worse than my at the funeral I went to
Cousin knew she was dying from cancer. My 90-year-old father there and unbelieve, she was always something else, started off with Ole Timey Rock and Roll and the end of the funeral was Somewhere Over the Rainbow. My father said, well I never. I had not either but her choices.
maybe the funeral home has an on-line
site to offer words or comfort to the family. I've seen a couple of these. What to say? just what is on your heart, "cannot find words to express..", that your heart hurts with them...you care...
I keep dreaming about going to a funeral and in the middle SM
of the service the deceased gets up and falls on ME! No kidding. Two nights ago TWO of them in one night! What the hay does that mean??? I need your wisdom and guidance!
the funeral thing could be entirely new thread
At times like that the kids are a good reminder that life goes on, and that we live on in our kids, grandkids, etc.
Pianists out there - I need music for a funeral
for a friend who is dying - the Irish tune, Danny Boy. He has asked that it be played at his funeral. Would anyone be willing to send me a copy? I will pay for postage. Thanks.
can people say goodbye without a funeral?
I think i will be faced with this predicament before too long. Husband says he does not want a funeral. Yet i wonder if his kids can say their farewells and be emotionally okay without one? anyone with experience or thoughts on this?
My mom ddnt want a viewing or funeral
I tried to uphold her wishes but her one sister did not have "closure" without some sort of pomp, so five months after mom died (was cremated), I held a small service at the cemetery (didn't want to, but wanted the aunt to have her "closure." She never showed up!
Both hubby and I are not going to have a viewing or funeral and the kids know it. I'm getting cremated, while he wants to be buried the regular way 'cuz he hates being hot. LOL
You can have closure without the above. In fact, in my case, it just brought all the sadness back to the surface and it took me another couple months to get back to normal again. Think of it this way, as mom used to say: "I want people to remember me as I was, not as I am."
Hope this helps.
A funeral is not the time or place for your friend to take a stance over something done 10 yrs ago.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but for your friend to even "think" about saying anything right now would be selfish and inconsiderate. He has had 10 years to deal with this issue. Why now??
I really tried to look at this issue from all angles and to be honest, just really don't "get it." I can't understand why anyone would feel the need to change a name they have had for at least 18 years. If my daughter changed her name, I would be absolutely devastated. Unless she was in the Witness Protection Program, I would continue to call her by the name she was given after 26 hours of labor and delivery. I'm not sure I could call her by another name even if I wanted to. It may not sound like much, but your friend is really asking a lot from people. Old habits DO die hard and this is so much more than just a habit.
If a friend of mine did this and it meant THAT much to her, I suppose I would try to make her happy. Without knowing all of the details, it's hard say for sure. One thing I do know is that if your friend is going to address this, he needs to wait for the appropriate opportunity. The timing he chooses could have a significant impact on the outcome.
Do you mind me asking why your friend did something this drastic?
I personally only used it twice, I think.
I HATED sitting in that line. I would rather just save the money myself and go buy it.
I don't know why they are closing it though???
personally,
i believe you might ought to go to the ER. They can help the immediate situation and/or refer you to the proper followup. You poor thing. I certainly sympathize. Some husbands just don't know how to be there when you need them most. There's surely also hotline numbers that could help, but i don't know them -- maybe in your phone book? You could also try a church counselor. But i really think the ER is your best bet, for comprehensive care. God bless you.
I did not mean that you personally were --sm
hiding your head in the sand, but that some people do and really are not aware of what is going on around them. The world is just not the place that it was intended to be or what it used to be 50 years ago, but this is all predestined, if you believe in what the Bible says. Nothing is going to change evil. It is here to stay and strengthen until the end. But I do believe that we have to be vigilent in order to protect ourselves from it.
as far as the media goes, well, I think they tend to over exaggerate other peoples misfortunes just to get ratings, and that is not going to change either, but as far as them giving this guy his 15 minutes of fame..he was already dead, so what does he care? too little too late. It did not make him feel any better now and hopefully he is already toasting his little toes, right where he should be. Just my opinion though and I do appreciate the fact that some people are tired of this stuff and care not to watch it on TV. You shouldn't have to.
Well I personally would not want that either
Was this your daughter's first wedding? And all you did was buy a dress and show up? Wow. My mom was there for all the planning, advice, etc., and she paid for it.
personally, I don't see how anyone has --sm
time to watch this stuff. I have to WORK for a living. I rarely even turn TV on much before eight at night, but for those of you with the time, glad you find them entertaining. Wish I could be in your shoes.
Not personally but my
My sister was visiting in Boston a couple years back and, on a lark, she and a friend went to see a psychic.
The woman was 100% on the spot. She recorded the session for my sister so she could bring it home and it was really interesting. Pegged our mother for being domineering and manipulative. Got the kids right, both my sisters kids and MY kids.. I was nowhere near there.
Told her a bunch of stuff about me too. Said I was the "fixer" and would be a loyal sister and friend for life.
Then she also mentioned our brother and said that he is much like our mother, though he refuses to believe it, and he puts on "airs" to try to make others around him feel like he is everything and they are nothing.
I would LOVE to go see this woman myself! hehe
I personally think
you can place the crystal and china any way you please - it's your home, your style. Decorate the way you like.
I personally think it went very well. sm
This is only the third time I have taught this class. I just fill in when needed. What made it so good was that there was so much discussion. Every person (10 of us)of course had pretty much the same idea about what heaven would be like as in no tears, no pain, etc., but they also had differing opinions about what we might see or discover. Most of us tend to think heaven will be a different experience for everyone. We won't all see the same things. Everyones heaven will be different. It was also very interesting sharing with everyone some of the posts from this site. No atheists in the class but they found some of the ideas of the ones here interesting so that lead to even more discussion. Several people told me after class what a good job I did. Honestly I didn't do much at all. It was just like on this board, I asked a question and it just snowballed from there. Actucally I was worried that I wouldn't have enough to fill up the entire class time but we almost ran out of time. Again thanks to everyone that responded.
I can't say that I personally see it...
in my day-to-day life (thank goodness!) but I do hear about it often from my husband. For example, 2 people he works with are currently having an extramarital affair...this will be the man's 2nd affair at this company. He got the other woman pregnant; they got caught; got fired; he got rehired! My parents and inlaws have been married forever also, as well as my sisters (but my brother is a different story...). I just know that cheating is all too common and it is a very, very painful experience for everyone involved. My DS just broke up with his GF of over 2 years because she cheated...broke my heart for him, but he's rebounding great...thankfully!
Not me personally
However, my best friend married a man 3 years younger than her oldest child. They are extremely happy and married 20+ years later. Some men in their 50s are like teens and some young 20-something men are extremely mature beyond their years.
I believe it is easier to date someone your own age (or approximately) and a better fit overall, but this would have to be an individual decision.
Lilly
I personally believe that there was some
sort of tragic accident and she panicked and tried to cover it up.
not personally, but
I have a male friend who lost 30 pounds using it. He liked the process, said it was easy, he didn't have to think about anything, maybe a little pricey but he lost the weight & has managed to keep it off.
I personally don't think that....... sm
it is not completely forgivable. If it were, then Jesus' death on the cross would not have been adequate to cover all sin (save blasphemy of the Holy Spirit) and we would all be in a pickle. I'd be interested to know what the OP bases her statement on...chapter and verse, please.
Personally, I think
these things are more interesting reading the a lot of what ends up on this board.
I'm too tired to come up with a list right now, but when I do, I will post. : )
Personally, I don't even consider
smoking pot (or eating, vaporizing, whatever) an attempt to escape anything. I don't do it anymore, and I feel physically horrible most days because of it. When I smoke pot, not only do I physically feel much, much better, I am not demotivated in the least. Because I am feeling good, I am able to get much more done than I otherwise would be able to do.
The only reasons I avoid it are A) I have underage children and I do not want them confiscated; and B)I learned that my state now has a zero tolerance drugged driving law (which simply means that one does not need to be impaired to be found guilty, but is based on any detectable level of the drug or its metabolites in the blood or urine). Notable to me is that some other states that also have the zero tolerance drugged driving law do exclude marijuana from it. I believe North Carolina is one of them. I also find it outrageous that there are people who are attempting to subject citizens to roadside drug testing, in the form of a roadblock similar to seatbelt/insurance roadblocks. No probable cause required, just testing everybody. Many of these people are those who make money off of drug testing and have, in the past, successfully lobbied for workplace testing. A very scary violation of citizens' rights, if you ask me.
well, I do not mean it personally, but
after all this was a competition and Gilles or Melissa deserved the crystal ball, not Shawn, sorry!
I personally like TracFone
I just bought a new one at Dollar General a few weeks ago after not having a cell for a few years. It was only $20 for this cute little Nokia with a built-in flashlight, and when I activated it online and registered with an email, I got 80 minutes free. I had a phone number in 10 minutes. You never lose your minutes but you do need to buy new minutes at least every 2 months to keep your phone number, which works out to $10/month. I've had TracFones on and off throughout the years and I've always had a good experience.
I personally don't consider this harassment
If he had actually made a comment about your breasts or some other part of your body, then yes, I would consider that sexual harassment. Since you stated he simply asked if you had found a piece of clothing that fit, I would not agree that this is considered sexual harassment. Honestly, it sounds like you're just being overly sensitive and taking his comment way out of line. I mean if he had made the same exact comment about a pair of shoes or something, would you have been offended?? I agree that it was none of his business, but not something he should be fired over.
Personally I'd have the surgery
I know it's a scary situation to be in and a big decision to make but I would do everything I could to take away the doubt that it might some day come back. Of course there are no guarantees but I'd put the odds in my favor.
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