I need help --- kinda long ---

I am seriously in need of some help and I know it.  I am so depressed that I cannot function anymore.  My income is down so much that I am getting ready to be evicted from my rental (after losing my home earlier in the year), I am by myself all the time because I have to stay chained to this computer to try to get work as it comes in.  I took an inhouse job, but figured out tonight that after gas money and buying clothes to wear to work that I am only making about $60 in 6 hours and I can do that in 2 if I am at home in front of this darn computer.  However, my expenses are based on $200 a day!

I am crying all the time about everything.  I can't help it.  I have cried my way through 2 hours of typing tonight..  I am short tempered, the littlest things set me off.

I don't want to kill myself, but I don't think it would be a big loss "waking up dead". 

I have no insurance so I cannot go to the doctor...

I have no relationship with my parents or my sisters anymore (have not spoken to any of them since Thanksgiving day).  My children are driving me crazy.  My son is irresponsible and out in the streets (he's 19) and I worry about what is going to happen to him and feel responsible for providing him a place to live even though he is not working.

My daughter works and has 2 kids and I feel bad because right now I cannot mentally, physically, or financially be a good "nana" to my grandbabies.  Then, my daughter just called me tonight and told me that she is having a LEAP emergently and that the doctor said he is going to have to take so much it would be dangerous for her to ever have children so he is going to do a tubal while he is there...  this just serves to remind me that I was supposed to be having paps every 3 months for precancer and so far it has been over 3 years because I lost my insurance and cannot afford to go to the doctor - or pay for the treatments required if I do go - and now if I got insurance, it would all be preexisting anyway...

My checking account is overdrawn by $600 because Dish network put a hold on $500 while waiting on their equipment to be returned and I did not know they were going to do that, so now the stuff that was already outstanding is bouncing and I will be probably be $1000 in the hole before it is all over...

I don't know if too much else can go wrong, but I can't handle too much more and I need some calgon or something -

sorry to unload, but ya'll are all I have right now...

• I need help --- kinda long --- - anon
  • I was in your shoes at one time too - - MT and worn out
  • You are working your butt off... - sm
  • I have been living that life for the last 2 years. Very familiar story. SM - I feel for you
    • if this helps - two tips from me
    • On January 21st and thereafter, a check is not going to - danfan
      • Im not talking about a check. Im talking about a positive administration working FOR Americans and - I feel for you
  • Check social services - jss
  • A few suggestions on beating depression. - sm
  • Please call someone! - MTPockets
  • I don't know if it helps to know - In the same boat
  • *** - being a grown up
  • OMG! You do need help...sm - curious girl
  • Sometimes it is not fun - being a grown up

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I would only see him on Sundays, usually every other, and I would look for him when I was on my breaks or lunch. Our offices and breakroom were upstairs with large picture windows and you could see most of the store. If I would see him wandering the aisles I would run down and open my checkstand for him. He came through my line one time and we made small chit chat. I asked him about a current event that was going on in our state that was pretty big news and he knew nothing about it; he had been on a 2 week business trip and hadn't heard the news. He then told me he was going sturgeon fishing for a couple of days; I acted interested and the next time he came through my line he brought me some smoked sturgeon. I hate fish, but of course took it anyway, thanked him profusely, and gave it to a neighbor (and my cats!). From then on for about 2 months I would see him every other Sunday. I scoped out what he bought, and determined he wasn't married (you can tell a lot about a person by what they grocery shop for).

Then, one day when I got off work, I had to do some grocery shopping. I was talking to a customer of mine in the produce section when all of a sudden here comes Mr. Sunday, who happened to work with the customer I was chatting with. Mr. Sunday said hi to me, general chit chat, and our mutual friend said that Mr. Sunday was a great guy, we looked cute together, maybe he should ask me out. Awkward moment, much laughter, customer leaves. Mr. Sunday and I are standing by the magos (he loves them, I hate them), he picks one out, asks me if I like them, I say yes (have lied twice now about food), grab one and buy it. My teenage daughter asked me when I got home what I was going to do with it and I said I didn't know; the neighbor got the mango too.

Finally, after not seeing Mr. Sunday for 2 weeks, I was gettng ready to go home on a weekday when all of a sudden who should come in but him. We literally bumped into each other. He asked me if I got the messages he left at the store for me. I told him no. He then looked at my nametag and said, "No wonder you didn't get the message, I thought your nametag said Sandra." Not my name....Apparently he called and left 3 messages for Sandra. They told him no one by that name worked there, hence I never got the messages. He gave me his phone number, told me to call him when I was free for lunch, and the rest is history. I found out he only came in on Sunday because he lived rurally, came in to go to church, only had to shop every other week because he was single (actually newly divorced). He worked in town but did 12-hour shifts, so if he came into the store at all to shop I was already off work by the time he came in.

Ten years later, he has since learned that I hate fish and mangos and what my REAL name is. We have an absolutely wonderful marriage, he makes me laugh every day, and he is a wonderful man. All because of the grocery store.

bright side. But, like he said tonight, he's leery of the car even though everything looks great. We're the kind of people who buy something after thinking it over for a long time, and even when we do that, it turns out to be a dud.  This time, he bought it after crawling underneath, checking the engine, taking it for a ride, and even checking the trunk out, yet he's afraid, as I am, it will turn out to be a dud again.

We just have no luck. For instance, he plays a daily number every day. It's always off 1 digit, yet if he doesn't play, that very number he might have played would come up straight. See what I mean?

I've been with him since 1965 with a break of 2 years in between, so I know about being alone and single. You will find your Prince Charming (if there is such a thing anymore) someday. Just have to keep looking in the right places. I wish you luck and happiness.

I guess I'm just asking everyone to keep your fingers crossed for us that something will turn out right for a change.

Funny because I am close to getting a divorce and was just thinking about this type of thing all day myself.

My son is 9-1/2 and he got an Easter basket from me and from his grandma today. My daughter is 7 - she turned 7 yesterday - had a big party and still got an Easter basket from me and her grandma today.  They both had toys and candy in them - and muscial toothbrushes and new toothpaste ;-) from me.  It doesn't matter at all if her birthday is near Easter - has nothing to do with it.  And she is not too old!!!

Eating candy around holidays will not cause cavities - they come from poor dental hygiene and eating bad foods regularly.  So, can't blame that on the Easter basket. 

You are creating a feeling of competition that doesn't have to be there.  If you love her, be glad for her that so many people love her.  When I finally go through with my divorce, I want as many loving relationships as possible in my children's lives, whether I am comfortable with it or not, because I love them and I want them to be happy.  Shouldn't you feel the same for your granddaughter?

Dog the Bounty Hunter, with less cursing and more humor!  No joke, first few times I watched Dog I was going "oh my gosh, Stephanie Plum!!"  Books are getting so expensive these days I hesitate to buy anything new anymore, but by golly, I'll buy ANYTHING by Janet Evanovich, especially the Stephanie Plum series.  I recommend them to anyone I meet who likes to read. 

So...who is pulling for Ranger and who is pulling for Morelli?  Joe's cool and all but I tell ya - Ranger has it going on!  I really, really, really wanna see Stephanie hook up with him.  I just have the feeling that Morelli is gonna cheat on her...just a matter of time.  What do you all think?

Okay, we have had a problem with mice.  H set some traps and we caught some but everytime I cooked something in the oven it stunk.  So, I have not used the oven.  H finally had time to remove the top part of the stove and found the problem.  On top of the oven, underneath where the burners are, (that part) there were dead mice.  He said babies.  The insulation on top of the oven is gone.  He doesn't know really what to do.  He tried to get insulation from the hardware store, but was told that insulation that you use in houses won't do.  He went to a place where they fix stoves and sell used ones and they say that if it smells like mice, they chunk them.  I asked H if they were just saying that to sell us one of theirs.  He said he did not know and he did not want think he can eat another meal cooked on that stove.  We cannot really afford payments on a new one and  he said not one of theirs is below $200 used.  I told him well, maybe we should just rely on the crock pot and the microwave for a while.  I can also can fry eggs on my waffle iron.  Man, I have got cakes, bread, cookies that I so wanted to bake.  H wanted to make a pizza but when I reminded him we did not have an oven, his face fell.   It is missed terribly. 

He did find some holes in the wall behind the stove where they (Mice) gnawed through the wall and is getting some foam as we speak, write... 

What would you do?  Right now, I am trying to think of things I can sell. 

I happened to catch that piece last night....What an inspiration his mother has been and what a bright, joyful, optimistic young man....He'll do well out there in the world.  Cat 

Not like I'll ever own one, but they're pretty to look at.  Cat

http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Rue/4819/felist.html

//

He got life with the first chance at parole 57 years from now (he'll be 87yo by then), all counts running consecutively (one on top of another) as opposed to concurrently (roll them all together which woulda been 30 years).  If he conducts himself well, he may be allowed parole in 52 years.  

A lotta people in authority positions think they can do what the want and get away with it.  

He's not gonna like it in a federal penitentiary with folks that he put in there when he was one of the "boys in blue"....  all of them have moms, aunts, sisters, baby daughters....It ain't gonna be pretty.  

Sitting here trying to post and work all day, with Tooki (AKA as MS Paris Hilton BOID) -- routine is AHH mom is out of bed -- " I can SCREAM for attention"  -- this is while "mom" is in the bathroom being female etc, getting water for coffee  -- k -- coffee on, outside for first cig (for mom) of the day, boid on shoulder, LARGE POOP on pavement, table or tree (sorry)  -- after that, its treats and cuddle on moms shoulder for about 30 minutes. 

We then come back in the house and mom does her computer clean up which is daily  -- getting coffee ready and at this point, Tooki is trying to climb on the bed, then up on the headboard, and last trick if the blinds aren't open, we try to climb up them and chew them up in the process.

Mommy and daddy bought me a swinging perch from Santa Bird, but I HATED it in my cage, so what daddy did, was take my perch and put it in the door and with the perch in the door chain, I will climb on the perch, then the door chain and the front door. 

My favorite thing though is to be in the tree right outside my door, and I have a "wild bird bud -- I think he is a blue jay and my "mom" says he's  NOT my type -- I'm a sun conure after all, but with the cold weather here in Florida, mommy tries to make sure all of my "buds" are taken care of.

I know one thing, -- IM ALL GOIL and spoiled rotten!!!!

Love Tooki

The poster below really gave some good advice.  The behavior she describes is "him" to a T.  I actually had almost forgotten about him until the Lacy Peterson story came out.  Scott Peterson looked so much like him it creeped me out. Good luck.

Chloraseptic Spray.  Hope you feel better soon!!