I might add that grandparents on paternal side are deceased so
Posted By: The Other Sunshine on 2008-02-07
In Reply to: Ditto this!! If you adopted me, then you - The Other Sunshine
only ones around are mine but that doesn't seem to matter to them.
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When 2 cars ride side by side on the interstate...sm
and block traffic so nobody can pass. I will get irate over this. I don't know where people's brains are.
Unfortunately, Nancy is deceased. nm
x
The family of the deceased...
I have a strange question. To be quite honest, I have experienced very little death throughout my life. I know as I get older that will change, but I have been to 2 funerals. We recently had a very close friend die in a traumatic accident. He was 45 and left behind 5 children. The obituary states that "contributions can be made to the church." Where do these contributions go? Do they go to the family? toward funeral expenses?
Also, does anyone have any tips of what I can do for the family? I know sending cards is a good thing. Should I send one to each of the children as well as the wife? what about his siblings and parents? I live fairly far away from this family now and will not be able to make it back "home" for the funeral and I feel that I must do something! I would appreciate any suggestions.
Thanks in advance.
Why was the insurance to go to your deceased
brother's children? Was there a stipulation somewhere? Don't know everything about all the ins and outs, but beneficiaries listed on life insurance, CDs, etc. take precedence over a will. You can Google it. Unless there was some language 'if a child predeceases me, that child's shares of such and such will be equally divided between his/her surviving children and this is intended to supercede any listed beneficiaries on life insurance, etc. that may not have been changed on such' in the will, then I would think you would be the only beneficiary left anyway, and even if that language was in a will, still very difficult to override documented beneficiaries on that kind of stuff in a will. That is why it is SO important to be sure beneficiaries on life insurance, CDs, etc. are correct and updated if you want to spare people confusion and grief after you're gone.
No sisters, 1 brother deceased, just me
NM
There's one side, the other side, and the truth
And boy is it true.
I will say you sound like my aunt, who never speaks up, gets walked all over and then cries about it later.
Her kids/grandkids have no idea why she is always depressed, they think nothing of doing whatever they want without regard for her because she hasn't expressed an interest or opinion on anything and they don't know any better.
Yes, they use her. Yes, they could do things for her, but she never asks anything or says anything, so they don't press it, because it's always been that way. And she's a martyr, so it'd upset her pattern if things actually changed.
And the truth (and maybe reconciliation) lies in the middle somewhere.
Sad.
My deceased husband visits in dreams and
I am remarried, to one of his best friends.
Reminds me of a story about my deceased husband
We had his grandchildren staying at our home and what a handful, 3 of them, ages 13, 8 and 10. The 10 year old was acting out and threatened to call the police on his g'father (my hubby) when the g'father had done nothing for him to say that. The g'father told him go ahead but he would make the kid wish 1000 times he had never picked up the phone to call in the first place. That seemed to work pretty well as the kid just looked at the phone and did not make that call.
How to split insurance with a deceased person?
My brother was dead. First I knew nothing of the insurance money. They got in touch with me. They gave me half and spent a year trying to find the children (2) of my deceased brother. After a year and they could not locate, they got in touch with me again and sent me the remainder. Any more questions?
grandparents
I'm curious about how involved grandparents are in your child/children's lives........ how often they visit with them; overnight stays; extracurricular activities; babysitting, etc.
If you are a grandparent, how involved are you?
grandparents
My parents were very involved with my daughter when she was growing up - she stayed with them an average of 2-3 nights/per month. . She loved everything about them and everything they did. .they didn't spend a lot of money on her but always gave her tons of time. . as she got older, they would go to her school activities, etc. . After she could drive and after my dad died, she would take my mom places - shopping, out to eat, etc. . Mom died last May and it was hard for all of us. . My ex-husband's dad died before our daughter was born and his mother has never been much of a grandparent. . she lives in another state but still makes little attempt to be a grandmother - when my ex died (daughter's dad) her grandmother asked her what she could do to be a better grandmother. . she was told just call sometimes, send a birthday card, Christmas card, etc. . but she still made little attempt to stay in touch. . My daughter (who is almost 23 now and on her own) called me the other day because she was so excited she had received a letter from her grandmother. . In my opinion, grandparents can contribute so much. . I can't wait to be one!
Grandparents
My children are extremely close with their grandparents on both sides. My DH father passed away when my son was 6 months old and it breaks my heart that none of his grandchildren ever got to know what an incredible man he was. Both my children as well as my 3 nieces are extremely close with DH mother. She has always attended their school/sport events. When they were younger (there are 5 grandchilden in all) she would take one child out every Friday night and let them pick where they ate and what they wanted to do. They then spent the night with her. Last Sunday after church my son spent the afternoon with Granny just running errands.
My children are also very close to my parents. I lost my mother 3 years ago but they spent a lot of time with her and she was always at their activities, usually with DH mother. My father and stepmother don't seem to make it to very many of the kids events due to their schedule, but they are very mucha part of their lives. They are a lot better at being grandparents then they were parents. LOL!
What you say about how grandparents should do
My grandchildren are up some size and they could come see me. Do they? No. I did my part in keeping my children close to their grandparents as youngsters but my DIL so wound up in her own family, the paternal side just does not matter. I don't even try anymore.
I'm from KY and my dad and all 4 grandparents used
to eat scrambled pig brains every once in a while for breakfast. They slaughtered their own hogs, so they were available occasionally. That is one thing I never tired. We ate squirrel growing up too. And to this day still love fried country ham and red-eye gravy with homemade biscuits.
um, what about deceased hubby family and $millions she was fighting for?
nm
Married good friend of my deceased husband
I knew him for over 30 years and yet didn't know him. He is very quiet, reserved, shy and when husband died called after 12 days to invite me to the zoo- I had no idea he had ever seen me to tell the truth. Bottom line months later he told me had loved me since the first day he saw me and "just waited."
How far away from your grandparents do you live?
It sounds like it would be better for you to talk directly to your grandparents if possible, instead of your aunt or cousins. Just leave them out of the loop if they are going to act this way.
You have a right to name your child whatever you choose. I don't understand why these people are getting so upset. But sometimes people - especially family - will use the least little excuse to create drama. You don't need that in your life, especially not with a new baby to take care of.
If your grandparents live far away, do they have any neighbors are friends that they are close to who could help keep an eye on them for you? My mother had a couple of neighbors who all looked out for her and each other - if one was gone one of the others would watch the house and take in the mail, or if they hadn't seen one of them in a while, they would go check on them, things like that. If your grandparents have neighbors they are close to, you might do better calling them instead of your family. Sad but true.
Good luck. I hope you are able to see and talk to your grandparents. Don't let these other folks get you down. They'll get over it eventually.
Grandparents are not involved much. . sm
It's funny you should ask this question today. My mom, who lives 90 minutes away, came for a visit. We haven't seen her in about 4 months. My 2-year-old didn't know who the heck she was and was scared of her for the first day she was here. We only see her 3 to 4 times a year. I wish we could see her more. My dad died when my oldest was one. He had never even met him.
My husband's parents have little to do with the kids. They live 20 minutes away, and we hardly see them. It really hurts because they always have my SIL's kids. They are the same age as my kids and spend almost every weekend at their house. During the summer, they spend even more time with them. After a couple of years of this, I finally asked them why they don't ever have my kids over. They said they will try to spend more time with them. Last summer, they invited the oldest to spend one night, and the SIL's kids were there. I am giving up. Sorry this got so long. I am really sad about this right now.
Her mother is a selfish woman who wants nothing but her deceased daughter's money....
she was booed at her daugther's funeral because she tried to stop the whole thing, once again, while they were in the procession of going to the chapel...she is a horrid woman as far as i am concerned...i feel bad that she lost her daugther and grandson but other than that she can crawl back under the rock that she came out of...
My now deceased husband brought his friend home, now my hubby
Was it love at first sight? Not for me but years later after the death of the previous one, my now husband (he never married, no kids) told me he had loved me from the very first day he saw me. I did not even know he saw me. We are talking 30 more years and the weight, well I will just leave at the 30+ years.
Are your grandparents your father's parents?
If so, maybe they are angry that you named baby after step-dad instead of their son. They expect you to be loyal to your Dad but not your stepdad who I would assume was in your life as much as your real Dad if not more. Families can be such selfish hypocrites. Where is their loyalty to you and their gratefulness to a man who probably helped raise you. I would cut them off in a New York minute. If you have children and a sister, you have family. Take care.
Is giving grandparents a scrapbook
I think it would be, but decided to get opinions. Thank you in advance.
No kids here, but I grew up w/grandparents.
They actually lived in our childhood home with us. Our mother was a single parent trying to get off welfare back in the 60s...going to night school to become an LPN and rearin' the 5 of us during the day. I have no doubt her parents saved her tuckas by doing all they did for her (and us!) back then. I have nothing but incredibly fond memories and miss them all immensely.
There's something to be said for families that pull together like that when times are tough, or even not so tough. Some days I regret not having one of my own, but I'm just waaaay too selfish and I know I'd make a horrible parent. Plus, I have no social support at all and I would be 100% on my own...certainly not the ideal way to raise a kid or two.
Fantastic assets grandparents can be...so long as they're not criminals or anything.
Grandparents are Heaven on Earth
I have no kids so can only give you a viewpoint of how my grandparents shaped my life. I grew up very close (personally) to my grandparents (grandma was my second mom). My grandparents (moms side) lived up the road from us (about a 5 min walk with an open field between us). In the mornings we would walk outside and if she was out we would yell "hello up there" and grandma would yell back "hello down there". She took care of my sister and I during the day while mom worked. We went everywhere with her every day (hairdresser, butcher, stores, errands, church activities, her friends house, etc). She taught us how to whistle with a blade of grass, play "here is the church & here is the steeple, open the doors and see all the people" with our hands. We ate every Sunday supper with them and then she and grandpa moved the living room furniture and taught us how to polka to Lawrence Welk. We also ate there often during the week. Once a week we would spend the night at their house. Grandpa had a lawnmower repair and sales business but anytime I was having trouble in school, he would come in and after supper sit down and help me (mostly with math), but he didn't even think twice about not helping. He was the most unselfish person in the whole world. When I was feeling down about my grade on a report card or test (I was a C & D student, occasionally a B and very rare an A) he would ask me if I did the best that I could and I said I tried really hard but I just didn't understand. He told me as long as I tried the hardest I could he was proud of me. We grew up in the country and g'ma taught us about wild flowers, quilting, and other country type stuff. During the winter we would have sled parties at her house for my girl scout troop and she would bring out hot cocoa with mini marshmallows. Just a couple years ago my best childhood friend was telling me she had just been thinking about that sled party and my grandma bringing us the hot cocoa, and I just have so many wonderful life memories the list would go on and on. She died when I was 16 (30 years ago), grandpa died a few years ago. I miss them so much it still hurts. My dad's grandparents lived 15 minutes from us and we spent every Sunday afternoon with them and when I was old enough to drive I would go up on my own during the weekdays and sit at the table and talk and talk with grandma for hours. I miss them both so much too. I think grandparents are the most wonderful gift a child could have. I was blessed to have mine live so close to us. They spoiled us rotten and we loved it!
Oh how I dream of being young again and having my grandparents to talk to. I'm now 48 and live alone with husband. All my grandparents and mom are gone, dad lives across the country and I see him once every 3 years. I sure do miss them all. I hope all kids have a chance to be close to their grandparents the way I was.
My mom (when she was alive) and dad all have fond memories of their parents (they both told me they had the best parents anywhere).
So the only way I can sum it up is that "Grandparents are Heaven on Earth".
kids visiting grandparents over the
you choose to not work nights so you could have time for you? LOL.... does anyone else see the craziness in this?
Bringing my issue with grandparents and cousins to the top
I am sorry, I got myself out of town for the weekend to get away. I am still at a loss. I have tried contacting my grandparents numerous times to no avail. I emailed my sister, and she talked to my grandmother who said she has simply "missed my calls." Thank you all for letting me vent Friday and giving me opinions. I will not stoop to their level. Also, to the poster who asked why I think the baby's name had to do with it, it is because she kept saying, "Figure it out, Daddy's girl" and because when I asked if that was it, she said, "What baby, did I say something about a baby" and "aren't you a little Einstein."
Thanks again all!
My grandparents swore by it for LOTS of things
xx
I used to give my grandparents gift certificates to the local grocery store, sm
they would use them to buy special things like shrimp or other things that might cost a bit more that they wouldn't normaly buy for themselves. My parents are that age and I have given them restaurant gift certificates or if they have family out of town, prepaid phone cards, because I know some folks that age don't like paying for long distance calls.
There is teacher's side of story, kid's side of story
x
What is sadder is the grandparents live in a small home, 3 bedroom, and filed bankruptcy 2 years ago
nm
side sm
Buy a bag of frozen fries and put them in the oven on a cookie sheet or some minute rice - quick and easy. Do both, have fun!
from the other side...
My MIL said that she thought I should have never had my first son while I was pregnant with my second and that I should probably abort him (her son and I were married at the time and I am and was 30). That hurts. I can imagine that she probably does not think that seeing the baby is a priority for someone who suggested she give it up. I know that she is 18 and stupid, but this is her child and try to put yourself in her place. I cannot allow my MIL to be alone with my children until they are older because I am afraid that she will put her difference with me ahead of their safety. When my son was 1, she allowed him to play with a fork (running around) and refused to move her vodka out of his reach just to spite me. What will she do if I am not around to watch her and them? I must put their safety ahead of her desires. That is just hte way it is. I am not saying that you would do any of these things, but keep in mind that she and your son will probably not work out, as they are so young, and she will have your grand child forever. Perhaps, you should try to create peace and apologize, even if you think that you are right.
Trying to look at it from the other side
Guys are funny creatures (and not in the ha-ha way). As women, I think somehow we learn that it's okay to talk about feelings. Guys, especially of a certain age, don't have that luxury, and a lot will use humor to 'hint' at something that is bothering them rather than come straight out and ask (heck, I even do it myself, especially if it's something that is really bothering me on an emotional level and I'm afraid of the answer!). It's possible that he feels badly about you paying his way...yes, we're independent women now, but you can't change thousands of years of hunter/gatherer instinct overnight. He probably wanted to hear how you responded to it...depending on whether you joked back, how you joked back, or whether you got angry, he may have thought he'd get an answer that told him how you were feeling about it without straight out confronting/asking you about it.
Never forget that men are just as insecure in relationships as women are; they're just better at masking it behind stupid comments!
side note--sm
and don't forget to remove the neck and giblets in the bag inside the turkey prior to baking. I learned from experience. :^)
Ditto on that, I am an A on one side, AA on the other - sm
talk about fun! Either go without or those stretch ones since I don't need any support really except on the 1 side a little bit. There are more AAs out there now but 5-10 years ago other than shopping in the girl's department it was impossible!
tell her to get mac&cheese or another side--sm
she doesn't HAVE to eat mashed potatoes. Pizza gets tiring all the time. She may be nice, but she doesn't sound very flexible. Enjoy whatever you decide on. have fun!
Flip side--sm
I would just like to interject my own experience with getting dentures.
I had an immediate denture procedure, meaning the denture was made prior to the actual removing of the normal teeth and placed immediately after removal. When I first saw my denture in my mouth, I cried! It was way too big and I looked like Bugs Bunny! The dentist that made this denture then went on vacation and I had to wear this atrocious looking appliance for another month while a new one was being made. I had to go to work with this thing in my mouth and even at 42 years of age, I had to be the recipient of cruel joking from my coworkers. But I finally got my new, smaller denture and even though it looked better, it did not fit well. My gums shrunk quicker than normal and I had to have it relined within two months. (another expense). So with that horrible experience, I decided never to return to that dental group again, which I did not. I tolerated not being able to eat anything with more hardness than a peanut butter sandwich, or my denture would pop out. That meant no meat, no corn on the cob, no pickles, etc. I also had to deal with slippage while speaking, etc. Not every one has a good experience with dentures and if I had it all to do over again, I would NEVER NEVER have my own teeth removed for a pair of plastic useless torture appliances!
I have new dentures now, which I paid for on my own and even though they are 80 percent better than what I had previously, they are still not all that comfortable and they still have their problems with eating certain foods. I can eat steak and corn on the cob now, but no apples. Most of the time when I am at home, I do not wear them. They still hurt to wear for any length of time.
This has just been my experience and I just wanted to share it so that you can hear both sides. No matter how bad your own teeth may be, they can be fixed and be made very presentable. Once you have dentures, you can never go back. I would take my own natural teeth back in a heartbeat, if that was an option for me.
I wish you all the best of course, no matter what decision you make.
visit to the other side
I was at a bridge and on the other side I saw people sitting on lush lawn and playing in the water, lots of laughter, etc. I was met by a spirit who said (telepathically) that I had things to do before I came in but that it was totally my decision to stay or return. I chose to return. That evening I told my doctor the whole story, from the moment the nurse told him I had passed to what they did to my body next and my experience on the other side. Needless to say, he was speechless. This was in 1964 and none of these experiences had been published yet.
Actually, my side is to the door. sm
Can't put the desk anywhere else but in this corner.
side effects
Does anyone know it the Hoodia causes any side effects or if it affects blood pressure? I have both diabetes and hypertension and have to be careful what I take. Should be extra diligent in what I eat, but if I was I wouldn't be asking about Hoodia, now would I? Am really interested in learning about this. Need to lose a LOT of weight for health reasons, as well as clothes shopping. TIA
Look at the bright side
You have a great story to tell - your child will enjoy hearing it when she/he gets older. I laughed out loud when I read your post!
ON THE LIGHTER SIDE
Did you catch Gene Simmons' rectal examination and colonoscopy Tue night. The KISS demon himself. hahahaha
I have one on the right side of my lower
abdomen, only see it in swimsuit. Really wanted one on the back of my shoulder, but decided not to get one that would show when I was "dressed up." My ex told me I could NEVER have one, so when we divorced that is the first thing I did!!!!
that would be the dark side.
and I have moved on. this conversation is so over for me.
keep on the sunny side. I just want
to put my hands over my ears or slap her every time I hear it. Don't care for dreary phil collins, either, or at least I think it's phil collins - I can feel it coming on, oh lord.
On the gift side, do like we do...
he wants a $1200 item this year; fine, he can have it, but I get that same amount to do something with. If he wants to buy me a ring or some such bauble, fine, or he can just give me the cash to buy what I want.
And I have not asked you to be on my side (sm)
I asked for an opinion of whether it is abusive or not. And when one parent is abusive to a child the other one has to be a buffer. It is not a choice, it is a duty.
The other side of the coin (sm)
I am an introvert and shy, and WAS married to a social butterfly. He was always the life of the party, always had more friends/activities/hobbies than I and after a few years of marriage, I was miserable. I felt we had no friendship or companionship anymore even though I made an effort to be sociable at times. He,however, never stopped being himself and spent less and less time with me. It is something to carefully consider, not that I'm saying it can't work. My ex was just a very selfish man who lived his life for himself. If you get counseling and keep communicating with each other, I think it could work - not the best situation ideally but it could definitely work if you both love each other enough.
Tell me the good and bad side of
a ROTTWEILLER dog please? I have always wanted one, but I'm not used to owning anything but a little dog.
The other side of that coin.....
Is the girlfriend of a former coworker years ago whose parents "promised" her a bachelor's degree. They never put any restrictions on it other than if she got bad grades they wouldn't pay for the next semester. They paid for her apartment when she chose to move two states away with her boyfriend. He went to the University and she went to the local community college. He graduated with a Bachelors degree (that he obtained in 4 years while working 35 hours a week because he paid his own way) and she didn't even finish her Associates Degree. She ended up finishing that when she moved back home. There was one semester in there where she tanked and Mom and Dad didn't pay for anything. Mom, however, the next semester did pay off every single one of her credit card bills so she wouldn't have to work quite so hard. Huh?
It took her 7 years. Yes, I said 7, seven, years to finish an associate's degree, all the while living at home with mom and dad paying all expenses. She worked, so she had money for smokes, and her own play stuff, but she never contributed to the house. I think it was another 5 years or so before she actually finished her Bachelor's and actually moved out.
Don't judge someone else how they choose to raise their daughter or son. It sounds like daughter's got a good head on her shoulder and is never going to mooch off mom and dad and will actually turn out to be a nice, productive member of society.
hmm, well let me tell my side of this story..
Well, first of all, I have had 4 kids all by C-section.. First 2, I was knocked out, 3rd had epidural, 4th had spinal..
First baby, Josh, weighed 9 lb. 14 oz. 3 weeks late, was out of it that whole day, as I had never been put to sleep, never had an IV, anything.. I think I was in shock..lol..
2nd baby, Jacobey, weighed 9 lb., on time scheduled, didn't let it get me down, I knew the quicker I did things, the quicker I got out of the hospital.. which with the first 2, I was in the hospital 4.5 days..
3rd baby, kelcie, weighed 9 lb. 2.5 oz, on time scheduled, epidural w/o morphine, did fine afterwards, came home in 2 days, the ladies who had c-sections directly before me had morphine, they couldn't even get up & walk around for 2 or 3 days, they were still in the hospital & I was going home..
4th baby, noah, weighed 9 lb. 14 oz., 3 weeks early, spinal, no problems, home in 2.5 days, so, any of it has it's "good & bad", but different things work for different people too..
This is just my experience with it, but had epidural w/ kelcie, and they called me the day before I was scheduled to go in & have her and asked if I wanted the plain or morphine epidural??? I had no clue there was even a choice, I just told them plain. While i was sitting waiting to be took into the OR, the anesthesiologist came & started asking ?? why I didn't want the morphine epidural?? I just told him I didn't know there was a choice & just chose plain. He got to harrassing me asking me WHY I didn't want morphine, did I have a drug problem was what it was amounting to?? geez.. man give me a break, first time doing this while awake & he was being a butt, then before he walked off, he said your going to be sorry.. which of course scared me even more.. but I didn't not care for the epidural at all... I have a spot where they put that in my back to this day (she will be 21 this year).. for quite a few years around my monthly time, if anybody just barely touched that it would have pain that would make you cry or take you to your knees.. & I can take pain pretty good... also, it is still tender around that area at times even now..
onto, 4th child, noah, had him in a different hospital, had a spinal which I had heard horrifying things about, BUT didn't want another epidural, this doctor said she preferred spinal block over epidural.. it was soooo much easier, didn't have any kind of pain afterwards, headaches or anything.. which I didn't have the headaches the first time around.. so, anyhoo, this is my side and my experiences with it..
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