I left a couple of things off my original post...sm

Posted By: Inquiring mind on 2006-12-26
In Reply to: Did everyone like their Christmas gifts or are there any you don't like? sm - Inquiring mind

1. I will wear this bracelet because of the thought of the time she took finding it and the parts for it. Usually she gets me things I do enjoy for gifts.

2. We do have a great relationship. Her mom died when she was small and we're close. I know I'm lucky that we have a good relationship.

For those who slammed me and thought I was ungrateful - I'm sure you've all over time received gifts that you weren't wild about (hence all of the returns/exchanges at stores after Christmas). As I said, my other gifts were great ones and things that are of the caliber I like.

Complete Discussion Below:

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Did everyone like their Christmas gifts or are there any you don't like? sm - Inquiring mind
- I left a couple of things off my original post...sm - Inquiring mind
  - That just does not make me think more of you. You are still sm - jeez
    - You said it better than I would have - NM
      - Really amazing, isn't it? Guess she loves real jewelry or something. - huh
- I appreciate all my gifts. sm - mlstoo
  - DITTO - Great post!! I agree.......nm - with you wholeheartedly!!!!!
- Remember the old adage, it is the thought that counts - sm - XXX
- My precious daughter, Becca, gave me a kitchen wash cloth and two lollipops. I love it! She was ab - Kim
  - Sounds like your daughter knows what you like - how sweet. - nm
- sounds like Cinderalla trying to please and never - being "good" enough
- Are you serious? WOW! - nm
- My son is young and works....sm - justme
- I think you should (sm) - nm
- Sounds like this one was selective personally for you, at great expense. How ungrateful can you be?? - ilove all my gifts

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I'd say she has a couple of years left.
xx

That is not what you indicated in your original post and is why you
t

sorry. I did not see your original post..sm
I never said it was impossible to find an honorable man and good relationship, and I do not believe any body else did either, that I recall. As I said, I wish her all the best, and if this person is the right one for her, that is wonderful! But it also seemed that a lot of others were pushing her to rush into a relationship simply to *feel the spark of a new love*. Although that *spark* is a wonderful thing sometimes, it can also blind one to some smaller signs of impending doom, and the six years down the road, they are back on the message board asking what happened and wondering why they did not see it coming. I know that bad things do not always happen, but you have to admit that in today's society, more bad has been happening recently than good. Just expressing caution, and nothing more. JMO. Oh, by the way, I am happy for your relationship too. You are very lucky and one of few, these days.

Like I said in the original post, to say anything
would not be believed by anyone in DIL's family, my son, the g-children, aunts, her mother so I should say? To say to my son, your wife stole $20.00 from me" would be met with denials, to say she helped to put a ding on my credit for 7 years would be what her mother told me - she wouldn't do something like that. You can say what you said about speaking out but you do not know how these people are. It is like a cult- when you would get together 1 child that belonged to 1 family belonged to all. An aunt might chastise or discipline her niece/nephew like she would her own. Most of us with children just see after our children, not all other children that might be in our family-we leave that to their parents. These are my only 2 g-children, doubt if I will have others but I kept quiet and do now because my word would never be believed, then nor now. I remember 1 time a cousin of DILs had gotten broken leg. I took the DIL to the hospital. Every member of the family was there- the great-gparents, the g-parents, aunts, uncles, parents, the immediate cousins and the 2nd cousins -the hospital had so many people they had to ask them to leave! Another time the great-gparent died- the children all wanted to spend the night at the funeral home. The home started running vacuum, switching light off and on and they did not get the idea to leave! They HAD to be asked to please leave for the night! They wanted to stay the night with the deceased....You just do not know the close-knit (cult) family these folks have.

according to the original post
They took in their son's best friend, not a stranger. I agree with the other posters, your house your rules. I think you are doing the right thing by doing whatever you can to keep them apart. If they really want to be together they will be together outside of your home.

I say there are a couple of things to look at....
1. What would the apartment or extended hotel cost? I'd look at the latter because a lot of people use them when they commute. With gas being $3/gallon and him making a 4 hour total commute a day it is probably cheaper to do this.

2. With his job, is there any way he can change his work hours to avoid the worst of the traffic?

3. If it were my husband I'd probably be willing to do it just until we moved because I wouldn't want to drive 4 hours a day myself! However, I would miss him being at home but we'd talk a lot on the phone while he'd be at the place he's sleeping at.

couple things
maybe get a prepaid? i did that when i first got a cell and would buy the minimal minutes and they would last for like three months, but had to purchase more minutes before the time ran out or the number would change and the minutes would run out. when i purchased more minutes, the other minutes were added to the the ones i bought.. hope that made sense.

also, i have heard that you can have a phone and not have any service, yet still be able to dial 911 and get through.

Well I see a couple of things here (sm)
You may not like all of my answer but take it from someone who knows from growing up in a "blended" family. The one who is "not your grandson" is obviously jealous of the attention you give his brother and is resentful at having to babysit his brother when he is only 8 years old. 8 year olds don't know how to babysit and discipline a 6 year old sibling - they don't even know how to take care of themselves! I have an 8-and-a-half year old. No way would she ever be in charge of another child or be left alone. I am assuming the dad of the 6-year-old is your son? WTH is wrong with him and his wife? I know if you say much to them about the way they are raising their children it may cause a problem but they need to be in charge of the household. It sounds like the 8-1/2 year old is expected to practically raise his half-brother. Doesn't sound very fair to me. I'd probably be ticked off too. Why don't you try getting there earlier on Sat if you know they are up and inviting both children to visit with you together? That might be a good place to start.

A couple of things.......... sm
Without having read what the other posters replied, I will tell you that there is no such thing as a painless divorce, especially when children are involved. I went through an almost identical scenario to what you have portrayed a number of years ago, and it was likely the biggest mistake of my life.

I deprived my children of their father on a more accessible basis. They do see him every other weekend when he picks them up to take them to spend the weekend with his "new family", a witch of a wife and a spoiled brat step son who gets everything he wants while my kids get nothing. My oldest did not even get a Christmas gift, not even a shirt, while my youngest got a second-hand hunting bow that was purchased from the spoiled brat stepson because he wanted the cash rather than the bow.

As far as your children's feelings for their father, make doubly sure that you are not projecting your feelings onto them. You don't say how old your girls are, but I am assuming they are under the age of 18 since you want to be with them on your own. Chances are there are more feeelings for their father than you care to admit to, and don't make the mistake of thinking that he will be out of your lives forever because he is still their father and has a legal right to see them unless there is some legal reason why he should not. You will still share future celebrations with him....graduations, weddings, grandchildren, etc.

Another consideration that I underestimated was the financial support of my children. While my ex-husband and I did't have a very big combined income, at least we didn't have to make tough choices between putting gas in a vehicle and paying the electric bill, etc. While my ex does pay child support, it is not a large amount, and if something comes up, he might be a little late with it which can throw my whole financial picture into a tailspin. Also remember that some men just won't pay child support and eventually end up running away as dead beat dads or going to jail if/when they are caught which also means no child support.

This post probably sounds blunt and uncaring, but I can tell you that I have been there and done that. I was selfish enough to believe that what I wanted was more important than what my children needed. Unless your husband is some sort of deviant and should not be around the children (mine was not, I was just unhappy), then I suggest you study long and hard before making this very important decision. As adults, we should put our children's lives first and our happiness second. I know I wish I had. It's not the bed of roses you might imagine it to be.

All I did was replace the original post.
/

I read my original post again and ---
I know I said I hate the dog, but that was a figure of speech - I hate the things he does to my house!

I brought him home at 10 ounces and have put up with his doings for 4-1/2 years - he's not going anywhere!

The original post seems to have gone missing
so the answer now is to another posting, BTW.

In her original post (page 3)
she says that they did try to tell her at the time and she "chose to believe him" so actually it sounds like she has questioned him about this before.

Did you read the original post at all?
She lives in an assocation. Anything to start flaming. Ridiculous. I am too old to be shock by dog poop or anything idio.. say on this board

did you not read my original post? sm
I said if they were in school I would not charge them. The other poster had a girl in school who did pay rent and that is fine if that is what they want.

You need to learn how to read posts before you jump down my throat. You got the wrong person.

I bought a couple of things already...
not much. I used to try to be done by October, but that doesn't happen anymore. Last year, I will still shopping up until the week before, but the sales are AWESOME!

Explaining a couple of things sm
I studied IQ as part of my Master's degree. Another poster mentioned that the higher one's IQ is the less likely they are to be happy. From my own research, this is quite true. It is also true that the higher one's IQ, the less likely they are to succeed in education, in a job, in relationships and in life. No one will "get" you because your sense of humor is probably well off the beaten track. You probably lack social skills from an early age. Your peers would play childhood games while you preferred to try to improve upon the toys they played with. In school, you didn't have to work very hard in most areas. It all came very easily. You didn't learn how to learn, which is a very valuable skill. You probably have a low frustration level and when something doesn't come very easily, you are prone to giving up. Because you see the world in completely different terms than people of more average intelligence, those same average people call you crazy or mentally ill and tell you that you should be locked up. You don't fit in and despite the higher intelligence, you are remiss to know how to accomplish the feat of being more ordinary.

I alluded to this in my previous post. I have the unusual combination of being very artistic, creatively gifted AND being rather intellectually gifted. Yes, I did fall at the 99.6% percentile on the Wechsler. I know what it means and I have a firm understanding that indeed, that score suggests that I possess more intelligence than 99.6% of the people who have taken that test, and only 0.4% are "smarter" than I am. It has been a life-long struggle to fit in. I am too cerebral for artistic people, and too artistic for intellectuals. I literally have no one I fit in with. I have learned to tone myself down to make it work. I didn't say dumb down, I said tone down. That means I don't intentionally talk over the heads of others and I won't cram what I know down anyone's throat.

I have had those people in my life who have been jealous of me. I learn quickly if it is artistic, musical, creative, the written word, history and philosophy. I struggle with math. I took piano lessons 10 years ago. I had 40 of them and had never played the piano before. In 40, 1-hour lessons I could play the Moonlight Sonata in piano solo (not a dumbed down easy version). Most people cannot do that. There many other things I have done in a similar fashion, but this is an example for you.

You ask why I am an MT if I am so smart. I make very good money as an MT and I enjoy the challenge. My photographic memory comes in very handy too. I often stop and read up on a disease process I am transcribing about, so that I know what it means. Show me a word once and I'll know it forever. It makes my job easier for me to accomplish.

This all sounds like I am blowing my own horn, but I am merely trying to explain. Being highly intelligent won't pay the bills because there is no automatic grant for people who test very high. Being highly intelligent doesn't mean you won't have to do the laundry, cook supper, wipe your own backside, make your own bed and take out your own stinky trash. It frankly doesn't mean that much on a day to day basis. Certainly, I have confidence in my ability to learn new things and that is a comfort to me as an MT. I can rely on myself in that way. Being highly intelligent didn't prevent me from having 3 autoimmune disorders. It has not helped with my household organizational skills, which are basically nil, and I find I am so distracted that being "really smart" is not only not helpful, I think it is the root of the housecleaning issues in my life.

In short, it is just great to have a good ol' high number and in the end it makes absolutely difference...if you don't count the fact that people with IQs over 150 are 3 times more likely to be depressed and commit suicide than the average population. People who are 125 to 140 are the most fortunate. They succeed in greater numbers in school, in a job, in life. They are very bright, and likely have learned how to learn. They are more likely to persevere in the face of frustration and challenge.

It really isn't all you think it is.

I was actually responding to pc, the poster just below your original post.
/

Thanks for your input. I shoulda put in my original post .. sm

the components of chittlins and mauls.

Hey I know,

Thanks for clearing the way out there....Been down here so long that when my kids (grown men) and hubby ask for certain things, and a deer leg lands on my doorstep, I just can't waste anything. Cat

I didn't read anything in the original post
about expecting gushing or groveling. One of the things she did say was that she usually got gifts that the receiver picked out and then was just discarded or sold. I agree with the other posts, give gift cards.

I remember your original post and found the
Flylady. I have her marked for favorites but I really haven't had time to absorb her information and get into it. It sounds like it really worked for you so this week i'll see about really getting into it and signing up for her newsletters also!

Like I said before, Kendra, READ THE ORIGINAL POST.
Sheesh.....!

Your post did not change my original thoughts
I read it and understood very well. This person on a break ran into 2 strangers who said they had walked from some distance, asking about catching a ride somewhere, asking her about a ride and she responds with asking a bunch of people she does not basically know about whether she did the right thing, they might have been angels in disguise. What is there not to understand about this? Sounds like a young girl asking for acceptance. A grown woman, with common sense, would not even second guess and then to return and make out a report at a shopping mall about someone asking for a ride was just a laugh. As in my original, she needs a guardian if she knows no better than this.

Gosh, I went back to the original post
to see what she looked like previously. The woman looks like a crackhead and looks like she has been on the streets for a long time, rugged, drugged out, really bad looking for a woman only 55. My 89-year-old dad looks younger than that.

Right now 120 people have read your original post in this thread
So that's 120 people that do not mind versus the few that complained. Keep writing. I get a kick out the stories of your little dog. It is better than the fighting and name calling that goes on other boards. Even my kids stopped doing that in middle school.

Excuse me? The original post said absolutely nothing about her mother being SM
ill. I knew nothing about anyone's mother suffering because of dog barking. Dogs and pets need to be owned by responsible people and there would be no such problem in any event.

Sorry, I was upset at the time I wrote the original post
Basically, I sent a voided Wal-Mart check to a creditor by mistake and they cashed it and the bank let it go through both times. I called them on it. I was thinking that someone must have found that check and cashed it again. At the time, I did not realize my mistake. They then cancelled the payment to Wal-Mart, don't know why, and now Wal-Mart is treating it like I wrote a hot check. They added $30 to the original amount.

oops, forgot to mention a couple of things

It doesn't really make sense to call yourself a Christian if you deny what Christ himself said. H*ll does exist.

Also, if you really are asking what I mean to be saved, I will share. I does not mean adhering to a dogma. It means having recognized your own sinful nature and accepted Christ's death on the cross as having paid the price for your sin. That is what we mean when we say Christ died for us. We can live forever in paradise with him because God sacrificed his son, Jesus, on the cross, to take the place for each individual person so that they can live forever. Christ died so that I may live. Christ rose again and won victory over death.

Being saved is accomplished through faith in Christ.

Go to Wal-Mart and buy a couple of those stretchy hand things with Velcro straps that go around
2 for about 10 bucks. Similar to the Hand-Eze gloves but better (because of the velcro strap) and way cheaper and easier to find. And yes, you can work in them.

A couple of you are NOT reading my post

So the end to this request for advice.