I laugh everytime I read those, especially the cow!
Posted By: PAMT~MDM on 2008-07-12
In Reply to: Just thought I pass it on... - NIna SM
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Hugs to you all, I would cry everytime I would read one nm
nm
I had to laugh when I read this
I can spread my toes like fingers and rarely pick up anything by bending over. When my kids have their friends over I am one of the sources of entertainment. The kids try to find the most bizarre things for me to pick up with my toes. Hey, at least I have some talent. LOL!
Received this today. If you want a good laugh, please read....sm
 Why God made moms answers given by elementary school age children
>>> to the following questions:
>>>
>>> Why did God make mothers?
>>> 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
>>> 2. Mostly to clean the house.
>>> 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
>>>
>>> How did God make mothers?
>>> 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
>>> 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
>>> 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just
>>> used bigger parts.
>>>
>>> What ingredients are mothers made of?
>>> 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and
>>> everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
>>> 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they
>>> mostly use string, I think.
>>>
>>> Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
>>> 1. We're related.
>>> 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's
>>> moms like me.
>>>
>>> What kind of little girl was your Mom?
>>> 1. My M om has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
>>> 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty
>>> bossy.
>>> 3. They say she used to be nice.
>>>
>>> What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
>>> 1. His last name.
>>> 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?
>>> Does he get drunk on beer?
>>> 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES
>>> to chores?
>>>
>>> Why did your Mom marry your dad?
>>> 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a
>>> lot.
>>> 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
>>> 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
>>>
>>> Who's the boss at your house?
>>> 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because
>>> dad's such a goof ball.
>>> 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff
>>> under the bed.
>>> 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to
>>> do than dad.
>>>
>>> What's the difference between moms and dads?
>>> 1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
>>> 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
>>> 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real
>>> power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at
>>> your friend's. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without
>>> medicine.
>>>
>>> What does your Mom do in her spare time?
>>> 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
>>> 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
>>>
>>> What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
>>> 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of
>>> plastic surgery.
>>> 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
>>>
>>> If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
>>> 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get
>>> rid of that.
>>> 2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my
>>> sister who did it and not me.
>>> 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her
>>> back.
how can your husband not understand? play, read, tumble, laugh with the child
nm
Steel Magnolias gets me everytime . .
Sally Fields when she gets mad in the cemetery, the anger that she expresses is so real . .
Steel Magnolias gets me everytime . .
Sally Fields when she gets mad in the cemetery, the anger that she expresses is so real . .
Why do you have to be "tactful?" She's not!! Time to say Can't talk now! EVERYtime she c
s
Why do you have to be "tactful?" She's not!! Time to say Can't talk now! EVERYtime she c
s
I just installed a new ink cartridge in the HP and now everytime I turn it on the screen comes up
about printing the alignment page. I dont know how to get rid of this screen coming up all the time.
Christopher Hitchens says everytime he speaks he is amazed
at all the non-Christian-Muslim-Jews who are out there, thinking they are all alone and the only ones who believe the way the do. I think equal time is only fair.
If I don't read before I go to sleep I can't fall asleep. I will read sm
until I begin to fall asleep. They say reading relaxes you fully and it works wonders for me.
I used to suffer from insomnia, but not since I've been doing this - about 5 years now.
Plus, I've grown so much and have gained wisdom by doing so. I enjoy Christian books and reading the Bible.
Thanks for the laugh.
nm
LOL, thanks for the laugh!
And yes, mine thinks his naked body is attractive too for some strange reason! Boy..if we only had half that ego..huh? lol
Thanks for the laugh!
By the way, I am currently taking a break to view these messages and not actively working.
This is your laugh for the day.....
Paris apparently is getting together a petition to send the governor for clemency so she does not have to spend the time in the slammer. Now get this, she says the reason behind this is she is a beauty for the world, role model and she otherwise brightens up lots of our mundane lives. Gosh, mine has brightened up already just by hearing that..........
Would never laugh at you. Everyone
has the right to feel nervous and worried about certain things and about being naked, well they cover you up and the doctors are professional so they should not be laughing at you.
Hope all goes well with your surgery and no cancer is found.
I have had my fair share of surgeries. I was always nervous about going under anesthesia. I had a hysterectomy 10 years ago because of early signs of cervical cancer. I am cancer free. Then had to have both ovaries out 3 years ago because of recurring cysts.
Again, good luck and try to relax. It will be over before you know it. Your health is your main concern.
Would never laugh at you!...
Just thought I'd share something to make the OP chuckle - it's really bad when you have to have surgery and the doctor is absolutely gorgeous - as happened when I had to have my gallbladder removed. You have to lay there before surgery with no makeup on knowing that he's going to see you naked!! Horribly embarrassing!
On a more serious note, I am 25 and may have to have a hysterectomy. I am absolutely terrified and was wondering if anyone could share their experience with how long it took to recover?
don't laugh!
 Probably one of the top is Urban Cowboy!!
That's okay - Don't laugh
I would never laugh at your choice. Mine is Saturday Night Fever. I've seen it over 50 times and can recite the movie word for word. Sad, huh? LOL. I'm a John Travolta fan.
I had to laugh at your ?
My daughter has never even had a boyfriend. This is not to say it will never happen, but my daughter is no where near ready to have sex. We keep track because she has problems with anemia and she also likes to be prepared when she knows it has been so many days. The first time I went to a gyno he gave me a set of cards to keep track so if there was every a problem we could track my periods. I was lucky, I was so regular I really didn't need the cards but at least I knew exactly when to expect it.
I had to laugh-
I live in NC. On the news the other night when talking about the drought gave some ways to save water. One was.........flush stool only when needed. Excuse me, why would we be flushing when we don't need too. Got a laugh out of that one. We are getting some much needed rain the last couple days. Probably had about 2 inches now. Not enough, but we will take what we get. Have had so many sunny days it is hard to deal with the clouds for more than a day at a time lately though:) Just gotta smile!
Thanks for the laugh...
LOL!
Thanks Luv to Laugh...sm
This has been real fun!....Now we're all gonna rummage through our old videos or hit the video store and have a blast.  Cat
Laugh if you want to,
but what does DH stand for? It seems as though you are speaking of your husbands when you use this, but what exactly does it stand for and why do you use it? 
The only I can think of that I always laugh at
is Warren Wallace of the Wallace racing family doing the Geico commericals. That little sneer on his face and the tooth pick hanging out of his mouth always cracks me up.
Thanks for the laugh.
I ought to print it out for my MIL to read so she can laugh too. 
Okay, I did laugh, sorry...sm
but Moonies is a name I have not heard in a looong time and that name always made me giggle. Well, at least it sounds like you all are happy with your jewelry, so what the heck?
I might. I need a laugh.
nm
Okay, don't laugh....
...but we live in the boonies in MT, and our small town doesn't have pizza delivery, and we don't do the store pizza thing. So.....
Haven't done this in over a year, but I will usually order two x-large custom pizzas (veggie for hubby; pepperoni and green olive, extra cheese for me), from Valentinos in Nebraska, where I grew up...get the half baked, and then they will freeze them, and send overnight, FedEx, packed in dry ice.
Last time, I think the pizza charge was around $45.
Delivery charge from FedEx was over $60.....
Expensive pizza...you betcha, and worth every penny once every year or two.......
And so......Nope, nada, zilch..... pizza delivery guy gets nothing from me.....lololol.......
Sorry but I have to laugh
This would be a great concept, but have you been to the politics section of the board. It gets really nasty.  People acuse people of things, republicans fighting against dems each bashing the other side based on their opions, and one who posted that something was offense to her and she got bashed for that.
My rule is I try to treat people nice all the time, but when you post something and get bombarded with other posts knocking you down it does put you in an arguing mode.
You are going to laugh at this one, but sm
Buy bags of ice (just what you want more of, huh?) and put them in the fridge/freezer for when the power goes out. We live in the south and have done this for years because of all the hurricanes and power outages. It really does help preserve food. Sounds like you have all your bases covered from all the fantastic tips people have offered up. Stay warm and safe!!
okay, had to laugh at this
1. You said "not being the spelling police", but yet you are being the spelling police.
2. Next, and this is what struck me funny... for some reason I don't think the SEALs are reading this board, so I really don't think they will be offended. HA HA HA. That just struck me funny.
This is a board where we should be able to be free from spelling, grammar corrections. We come to here to talk about topics and we leave the QA at the door of our workplace.
Oh, PUH-LEEZE! LOL. Thanks for the laugh!
That's ridiculous. I think the house sounds fantastic.
We laugh because there is a clip
of Manning when he was little being asked who his favorite quarterback is, and he states "My Daddy" in that southern twang. He does fall to the ground though, you are right. So funny! Glad there are some football fans on MTstars! 
Wow, must have been some rectal! Thanks for the laugh!!nm
nm
I had to laugh when I saw your post.
I have a neighbor who is a single mom with a 14- and 16-year-old and both are dropouts, so they're hanging around all day. She has a boyfriend with whom she spends most of the week, so these kids raise themselves. I find booze bottles thrown in my yard (over the fence), found a baggy with a blunt in it once (called the police because it looked like pot), loud music late at night - the whole 9 yards. Trash neighbors, indeed! My 8-year-old son calls them the hoodlums!
Thanks for making me laugh!
Cute post! Yes, it is yucky, but you made me laugh this morning. Thanks!
That made me laugh.
You are right about the gorgeous doc. My old OB doc years ago was so gorgeous. Beach bum, bleeched hair, dark skin and just gorgeous. I only saw him once. Not kidding. Couldn't go there.
I hope your hysterectomy goes well when you have it. My best friend had one 6 months ago, and fortunately she was able to have a vaginal hysterectomy and not abdominal. She was fine in a couple of weeks. Mainly just sore. Lots of good thoughts for you.
Thanks, for making me laugh.
This is so terribly hurtful. I guess you guessed it is my sister. We have had a history of ups and downs our whole life. I am the one to just let the hurt and hard feelings go to try to have peace. I will try to grin and bear it . . showing some teeth at times. Hope I can do it.
You are a regular laugh
xx
OMG! Thanks for that. Needed the laugh!!!
XX
Made me laugh. When I go in for my
BP check, I will use that line, but will say it is my
husband's driving.
Thanks for the funny.
That made me laugh...
The image of 2 little girls standing there with switches in hand, crying after a fight...funny! Your dad was right on the money though, smart man!
My sister and I still laugh over it too - sm
Dad was a very smart man. Kind and always fair.
I had to laugh at this comment sm
when my hubby and I saw her on the TV I just said "Well she obviously doesn't have any friends....cause a true friend would tell her how terrible her eyebrows look."
I had to laugh at some of your post
Okay, stating "I conceived my child" is giving me a mental blow by blow that I don't need (okay, I know you're now saying - you're just mental, period. HA HA HA), but for me and others it does provide a graphic image we would rather not see. I absolutely love children and nothing is more precious than a child, but getting the graphics of conceiving and doing "the nasty" as my cousin calls it :-) is not that precious.
On the other hand, I only think certain movies are gross. If they have a plot I can deal with the rest, but as my DH says "what's the point of a plot. If I want that I will watch a regular movie". HA HA HA. So your post did make me laugh.
I'm not a "prude" by all means. It's fun entertainment. I just think it's way too creepy to say "my DH and I conceived at this date and time" (I was the one who posted Thanks for the Graphics - NOT, but then when I posted a second time I thought Keep it to yourself was a better name). I just think its too creepy (and personal) when people talk about the date and time they "conceived" their child. I just watched George Carlin last night and he was talking about kids. He said of course your kids are special to you. That's why they are your kids. The rest of us could care less.
The OP could have simply stated I had a Y2K baby or a 2008 New Years Eve baby and we all would have congratualted her, but bringing the picture to our minds of them doing the act was just creepy.
If it were not so idiotic, I probably would laugh
Anyone and I mean anyone who does not lock their doors, whether it is your home or vehicle doors, is just stup*d. Why would you think because you are rural things do not happen? I live 19 miles out of Atlanta and I see so many people saying on television " I just did not think it would happen here." Google the Alday family- rural farm folks, 6 of them, rapes and murdered in their country home in 1973. It happens everywhere and like I said, just stup*d and setting your family up for tragedy if you think otherwise.
Had to laugh at the latest guy, who said he had
'too much pressure from his multi-million-dollar salary' they were paying him. So he felt it was necessary to bulk up on the 'roids and cheat.
Here's my answer to the steroid problem in sports: TAKE AWAY THEIR BLOATED, OVER-PAID SALARIES!
After all - these guys make their living playing a GAME. Maybe they should be doing it more for the love of their sport, and less for the *rock-star* money.
Oh, you made me laugh!!!
Thanks for that. I can just picture myself doing that, too. 
Even us guys have to laugh at this:
A friend forwarded this to me. A lot of things have been credited to Andy Rooney (CBS 60 Minutes) that he never said, so I won't swear to whether he said this or not. If not, he probably wishes he had:
______________
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
YAY! LOL Thanks for the laugh! You're braver than I am! nm
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