I have to take care of myself and learned this the hard way sm
Posted By: Lyndia on 2008-04-15
In Reply to: Same here. - mt
I used to push and push and push. I tried to convince myself I only need 4 hours of sleep a night, that I CAN work two jobs full time or nearly so, that I could not go to bed with a messy house. It came to a point where I nearly died because I got too sick and had a near-fatal drug interaction.
The upshot of all that mess was that I have SLE and later found to have celiac disease. My kidneys leak protein, my face has started to scar with the rashes I get. I can't enjoy the sunshine from any place other than the shade, and even then not much of it. At times the fatigue seems neverending. I didn't get a clue about proper rest, exercise and most importantly SLEEP.
I am on chronic steriods and they help, but they are not a cure. I am better, but I am not well. I have been working some odd hours over the past couple of months and it has come to a point where I am sick and having trouble regaining some ground here. I will make it, but it is going to take time and I am feeling impatient.
Because of the celiac, there are all sorts of things I can't eat. I have to have a low protein diet so that I can preserve kidney function (the drugs don't do all the work), and then I am hypoglycemic. Oh yes, meal preparation and eating is a nightmare! The special celiac flours for bread making are pricey and hard to find, and most of the bread is awful at that.
I end up spending a lot on food, and I am a cheapskate. I have to sleep at least 8 hours a night and watch every thing I do. I end up feeling better, but I HATE having to do so much for myself just so I can function!!!!
You have to take care of yourself along, not have a wake up call in your late 40s. If I had been better when I was younger, I would not be in such bad shape. Hindsight is 20/20.
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My sons both learned that lesson the hard way
One had 1200 text messages in a month (I pay for 300) and the other did the same download thing. I wish there was some way you could block their phones after a certain amount of $$. Needless to say, both had a nice chunk of money to pay mom back.
Hope you appreciate them -- the guys' families do care and do help. Hard to believe for some....
I am sure by posting that you care, but some just use and abuse and it's always about the maternal side of the family until they need something again. Congratulations for posting and giving the guy's fanily some credit for a change. We are humans, not just a bank. OMG let the flaming begin!!
I don't care about your things, and can't imagine anyone would care about mine.
Whether it's my eating quirks or my sexual preferences, I have no need to divulge that stuff here.
It's NOT that interesting (mine OR yours!) and nobody cares.
I think she has learned
Sounds like she has learned. . I think you did the right thing. .
Maybe you have never learned how to
relax and you don't realize how you sound when you talk to people. Have you ever recorded one of these conversations to play it back for yourself later? Exercise like Pilates or relaxation therapy with biofeedback might really help you sound more relaxed when you converse with people.
I'm 48 and this is what I know/learned
I can quilt, clean, bake and my cooking is so-so. I'd prefer to bake. I grew up in New England in the 60s when in winter we'd have huge ice and snow storms, and depending on the season we learned different things. My mom taught us how to quilt, sew (plus I took sewing in home ec, girl scouts & 4H - I have lost touch and want to learn again). We learned how to can food for the winter, garden in the summer/fall. We lived in the country and mom would take sis and me into the woods in our backyard and she would point out plants, flowers, types of trees etc teaching us which is edible, poisonous, etc (however if my life depended on it now I'd surely be dead). She taught us candle making, kitting and she tried some crotchet but I couldn't get the hang of it. Her aunt taught her how to TAT (if you can't get crotcheting you certainly won't get tatting) :-). My dad taught us cooking, baking, morse code, and cleaning (he was a cook in the service and also learned morse code, and he would not let us get our drivers licence until we knew and could prove two things. We had to be able to change a flat tire by ourselves without help and he would drive us in the middle of nowhere (there was lots of nowhere in New England) somewhere we were not familiar with and he'd distract us along the way, and then hand me a map and told me to find my way back home shortest route possible so as not to run out of gas. Even my grandmother taught us things (she lived a 2 minute walk from our house). She taught us how to darn socks (I asked why she didn't just buy new ones and I thought she'd fall over in a fit HA HA), she taught us mending, patching, ironing (she had the most crisp and well ironed bed sheets :-). Even though my mom didn't have to say it we knew these were life skills we may need to fall back on. There has been a lot of knowledge I've lost along the way, my interests have changed and there are new things I'd love to learn. I do think more and more people are so used to just throwing things away, but with times like they are I think everyone will start making due with what they have and learn to repair.
I have learned
to stay out of it and I learned this by experience. I had a very good friend (widowed) who got involved with this guy who was 30 years older than her. At first like everyone else I assumed that money was involved but being her friend, I decided to talk some sense into her. I gave her the usual reasons why she should NOT marry this guy. He was older than her mother, what would people say, he probably could not have kids and even if they did have kids, he'd probably die and leave her a single mother. I really cared for her and felt that I was looking out for her because obviously she had lost her mind. She told me that although she loved her mother, she could not live her life to please her. She said that she did not care what people thought because people will think what they want to no matter what you did in your life. She said that she was a widow and that had she had children with her first husband, she would be a single mother anyway. So like any good friend would do, I supported her. Today, years after, they are one of the happiest couples that I know. Her mother thinks the world of her son-in-law (especially since he treats her daughter the way she deserves) and her real friends (me included) get the joy of spending time with a couple who makes you smile every time you visit them and you feel the love and respect that they have for each other touch you. I am blessed to be considered a friend by both of them. It is not for everyone, but for those who do enter into a May/December relationship good luck to them.
Ah but most of us learned the language! lol
x
I learned from my grandma's and we did that for my FIL.
His service was the best...just friends telling stories about him. I think the reason for the "saving" is because my grandma's funeral was in Iowa. Plus, honestly, I didn't expect that. It was horrible.
yes and they learned more about the shooter
Such a shame but in Korea they teach in the schools all kinds of antiamericanism...though he did come here when he was 8 years old...1992.
Very said, indeed, and I pray for all the victims, their families, the town of Blacksburg and students, families alike, and for the heroes of this HORRIBLE incident, especially Professor Librescu, an Israeli teacher who helped the kids and died in the end and who was a Holocaust survivor himself.
GOD BLESS THEM ALL!
Lessons learned
Believe me, I knew absolutely nothing when I looked at houses on my own for the first time. Oooo! Pretty kitchen! Nice carpet! Love the color of the living room! Then when I had the home inspection done which cost me a good chunk of change, and boy did I learn fast. I had a 35 page report from him. I passed on the house, but I took that report to every house I looked at after before calling him to come look again and dishing out more money for the inspection. I cringe when I think of what could have been had I bought that house without his expertise. I would be in financial ruins trying to keep up with the repairs or selling it at a loss.
I am not always, perfect with it, but have learned that
a whole week or a month. Enjoy yourself now and again and have what you want is also the key for me.
Will power and determination, and prayers, coming you way !!
I learned a lot from biofeedback.
I don't have any pain issues anymore, and I think learning to relax was key. I had no idea what my muscles were doing until I started getting massage from a physical therapist, and it felt great, but the effect didn't last because I couldn't stop the muscles from coiling back up on me. That's why I did the relaxation therapy with biofeedback, and I learned a lot.
I recently learned that among those who are into -
New Age beliefs (which I'm not particularly), a personality type called "Indigo" exists. The 25 traits that make up an Indigo fit me and my authority-questioning ways to a T. It was quite a shock how exact the match was. Even more interesting was other people's descriptions of their lives, etc. as an Indigo. You might check that term out, cuz you just might be one, too!
According to the teachings of that group, Indigos often lead difficult lives because they spend much of them swimming against the current, but that they are ultimately the ones who will save the world.
Food for thought, when it comes to the differences between leaders, and followers!
Wow --- here's a few tricks we learned
about Dish -- maybe it will work with Direct TV, too. We wanted a better deal with our Dish. Our original contract was up and we were free agents. We stayed with them for about 5 years after the contract ended. That was when they came out with the extra boxes for a few dollars more a month. Originally, you couldn't do that. I called them up and asked them if we could get in on that deal. They said no. So we switched to Direct TV. I had already signed a contract with Direct and they were scheduled to come out the next day. I called Dish and told them I was cancelling our service and then they switched me over to a "cancellation specialist", who then proceeded to offer me the very offer I requested originally. Well, it was too little too late. We were already signed up for Direct TV. We stayed on with Direct TV for our 2 years. At the end of the 2 years, I called Dish back up and resigned as a new customer. Somewhere during that time, my remote broke. I didn't have the warranty coverage. The Dish rep told me that I could sign up for it for $6.95 a month and then call back in tell them I needed the remote replaced. She said you could cancel the warranty plan at any time. $6.95 for a new remote sounded good to me. I've done that twice now in all the time we've had Dish.
Then about 2 or 3 years later (still with Dish) we decided to add additional TVs in the house. I called in and asked about it and of course was told the deals were only for new customers. I said okay. Cancel me as a customer. They switched me over to the "cancellation specialist" who then proceeded to offer me what the other rep couldn't. I asked her why they couldn't just give me that deal to begin with and she said they weren't "authorized" to. I figure it's just their way of trying to make money however they can.
Not long ago, we had a disaster happen that ruined our Dish boxes/remotes/outside dish, everything. We called Dish up and told them and their rep worked every angle he could to get us the best deal with the least responsibility for the destroyed units.
Maybe we didn't like Direct because we were so used to Dish -- the programming setup, etc. I do know one thing I like about Direct (my friend has it) -- you can still get East/West coast channels for little to nothing. Dish took them away for a long time and just recently brought them back, but I think it's expensive.
We can't get cable either where we live now, but when we were able to get it, we went with Dish because our cable company sux. I don't know if anything above will work the same with Direct, but it might be worth a try if you ever need to.
I have learned that in these types
of situations, it is impossible to get all the information you need to figure out exactly what is going on. Too many people gossip and pass on bad information.
On the other hand, maybe I am missing something, but it sounds like you are saying that your son broke up with this girl because he couldn't be alone with her. If that is what you mean, then I can see why she would be upset and hurt. That would look like he tossed her aside because of what he was not getting.
OMG! I just learned my son was on drugs
What do I do? He's going to be 40 this year. I had heard years ago that he started on majjuania when he was over in Japan in the service, but didn't believe it. He and his wife broke up (supposedly) over her use of of meth and cocaine, but I didn't believe that either. Lately, he 's been bringing some "not so nice looking" friends around here for approval and not recieiving that, so I have not seen him since Christmas Eve. Tonight, I heard he is on heroin. This is absolutely the straw that broke the camel's back. He always denied he was on meth or cocaine, but tonight's "revealation" is absolutely too much if it's true.
I'm broken-hearted and devastated over this latest "rumor/truth" (from more than 1 person) and don't really know how to bring the subject up and/or confront him with this. I'm so disappointed [in my son] and thought he was smarter than this. Now I understand why he is not actively trying to find work (unemployed since May last year).
Any suggestions? Forget rehab unless it's free. We can't afford it.He's my only son and he had a very tough life trying to live up to my husband's idea of a (step)son, but he really looks up to him now. We have another son (my stepson) who never got into drugs, why my son? Could his life been so bad?
I love my son but am thoroughly upset with this latest revelation. I just don't know what to do, and would like to stand behind him, but if drugs are his first love, I'm afraid I can't do that. I'm not really a confrontal person and don't want to lsoe my son, but if he gets caught, I'm afraid I won't/can't bail him out of jail.
Your thoughts?
I have learned to move on.
I gave both my kids everything including all the love I could, taught them the right way to treat people, cherished them beyond belief, worked hard to give them what they needed growing up (just me raising them, divorced). In talking with DH yesterday I really do not feel that either 1 of the kids loves me like they should. I do not see nor talk with my son now due to a falling out we had in 2005 and my girl, well she is a me type, all about her. If you cannot change things, just learn how to live with them the way they are or wish them well in their lives.
This is what I learned in training...sm
If you do not believe in rewarding good behavior with a tiny treat, then stop reading here. We started on very short walks first. When Shadow would pull on the leash, I would say no, stopped abruptly at the same time, then made him sit before starting again. If he walked without pulling, I would give praise and slip him a treat while walking--do not stop walking. It took a lot of patience, but he now stays close by without a leash (well, most of the time). Good luck.
Nah, don't need proof, was just curious what you learned.
Nah, don't want proof, was just curious.
I learned so much when I bought and then refinanced (sm)
that I was astounded. I've probably forgotten a lot of it and will have to retrain myself for the next time!! Your 'loan boy' as you call him will probably tell you he needs this info so the underwriter will not turn you down automatically - that's a ploy they use to get everything they can out of you. If they ran your credit you have a right to have a copy of it and you can take it to your next place, give it to them and ask for some numbers. Then if they look good to you and you want to go with them - they can run the credit again. And like someone else said - it is not at all unusual to check with several mortgage companies when doing something like this and those are not big dings on your credit.... inquiries for the same thing are lumped together. You would not believe how aggressive you can be and how much you can get if you get pushy - they act like they are doing you a huge favor when in fact they need your business - go where you get treated well - you will never be sorry. Go to a credit union if at all possible - the closing costs are really minimal and if they can take directly from your checking account - you can usually get a better rate also - they like knowing they can count on the same amount each month on the same day. Get your credit scores and call around - tell them your score is say 725, you are self employed, you want $300,000 and want to pay less than $2,000 in closing costs. I bet you would be surprised. Good luck!!
exactly! Hate is learned from home too.....
I remember a song from South Pacific called "You've Got To Be Taught" (To Hate and Fear)......
it is learned behavior whether it be at home or from the schools
One thing I have learned in life--sm
is to never mix business or money with friendship. Always put everything in writing. It avoids confusion such as this down the road and everybody knows up front what is expected of them, not to mention having all your ducks in a row and the laws on your side when you have to go to court to collect what is owed you. I know that you meant that you were giving her the extra time to come up with the money and not that you were just letting her stay there free out of *friendship* and so does she. *Friends* do not try to take advantage of their friends, like she is doing to you. If you have not already done it, write up an agreement stating all the terms clearly and make her sign it. Also keep VERY good records on what she pays you and when. You will need that when you have to go to court. If she does not want to sign the agreement or becomes offended, then consider the fact that she intends to stiff you again in the future and that she is not truly a friend, but looking for a free ride. I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but you have to protect yourself in this world these days. Actions speak louder than words and her actions have already shown you what direction she is taking. The writing is on the wall...heed it, and good luck to you.
Lesson learned I guess but ..
I do not know how close you are with her and I would not want to start a family feud but I would buy a new one and present her with the bill and ask for half. I also would never loan her another thing. I would have asked for it back way before that time though. Even with family members I trust I always ask for things back after about a month or so just because of that. When I do loan things out I also tell them you break it you replace it. But you do need to speak up.
our poor cat children have learned sm
To duck and cover when mommy and daddy reach out to pet their heads, especially our oldest boy. The ears and the nose seem to be the most sensitive. If the 'kids' come into the office to visit me while I am working and I leave my headphones on, I can actually hear the static crackle!!!
Also, I noticed that if I stroke the cats from head to tip of tail, it seems to complete a circuit of some sort and the tails will actually spark sometimes. Doesn't seem to bother them, but the ears and nose- that is another story.
hc
He's learned to push your buttons
and boy is he pushing them. The hardest thing you have to learn to do is not argue with him. Don't try to reason with him, don't try to make sense of a situation for him or with him. If you want him to do option A and he argues, give him option B, but make option B so completely horrific that he has no choice but to go for option A. Have this conversation with him once. If he still argues, explain that Option A is still on the table, but in addition to that he'll get to do Option B as well. Or something like that. And then follow through. Whatever you promise/threaten, you have to follow through. They figure it out really fast when you dont' mean it.
The point is you can't argue with him. He's figured that out and he's probably figured that if he wears on you enough you'll give in to him in some fashion. Pull out the "because I'm the Mommy and I said so" card if you have to. Don't, don't, don't argue or discuss things with him. That's where he's figuring out where your cracks are.
I'm good with the going to bed hungry deal, too. If he complains, give his dinner to the dog and he can have breakfast in the morning. Again, he would get one warning and then he'd see me give Fido the plate. I don't think that will take more than one or two times for him to figure it out. The other key is to make sure that any snacks that are in the house are put away in places he can't get to.
Once you and hubby are consistent with these types of rules, if he is still having this kind of behavior, then I would absolutely look into therapy. Especially if this is new behavior and hasn't been growing for a while.
I learned to disrespect authority. -(nm)-
I started craving ice and soon after learned I was anemic.
k
I believe they just chew it. I learned when I purchased a plastic
xx
Basic skills best learned at home
It's kind of hit and miss as to whether kids learn to cook, sew, etc in school. Although I HATE using a sewing machine, I think basic handsewing is a life skill and taught my teenage girls to sew on buttons and mend rips. They also know how to do basic cooking, ironing, and have done their own laundry for years. My college daughter lives with two other girls, 19 and 20, and neither one of them can sew on a button (my daughter does it for them). Apparently their mothers never taught them.
Learned to smoke, drink, cut classes
Graduated in the 70s. Took dancing lessons and big big big into disco. Almost entered in the show Disco Fever. I was a little overweight, certainly not popular in the "cliques". Had friends from grammar school, scouts & 4H I hung around with (those are still my friends today). I was shy and stuttered when having to speak in front of groups (still do). I wasn't a "studier" - received mostly Cs (failed science, gym & history - or barely passed). No boyfriends. Pretty boring overall, but I'd trade everything in now and do it all again.
My teenager has learned a text messaging lesson...sm
A couple of weeks ago while at drama practice one of her peers asked if she could use her cell phone both days of practice as she didn't have her cell phone with her. My daughter let this other kid use her phone and didn't pay attention to the fact she was staying on it the entire time of the practices (the other kid only had a couple of lines). When my daughter walked over to her her phone she saw the other kid texting - and we don't have text messaging as part of our plan.
The bill arrived yesterday and this other child ran up $63.40 in text charges because there's a 20 cent/kb/message fee. My daughter isn't happy that she has to pay this bill out of her babysitting money but I reminded her that her phone is her responsibility and I'm not paying her bill. She swears she'll never let anyone use her phone again. I do hope she's learned her lesson!
Learned to hate snobby rich kids.
jj
The bell is a great idea! My niece's cattle dog learned to SM
ring the bell in 2 days and has done it ever since. It is adorable. If no one lets her out right away she looks around and takes that leg and swings it and hits it the second time. It is a wonderful idea.
Our teenager learned a valuable lesson today about cell phones....
She got a new cell phone last month and downloaded a bunch of ringtones, even though I reminded her that each one costs money + the transfer fee, which the system prompts you for as we don't have the internet plan for the cell phone (don't do text messaging either). Well, she ignored the prompts about the 3 cents per kilibite fee and size of the files alert when she accepted the downloads she selected. To make a long story short..... her bill for her downloads is right at $60.
She is crying that she has to pay this bill but I'm not working overtime because she ignored my telling her about the costs and accepted the charges. This will teach her a lesson on responsibility. She was expecting the bill to be about $20. She'll be babysitting up a storm this next month to pay this bill!
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
I know how hard it is......sm
I understand what you're saying. God didn't give us the ability to forget, just the strength to get through it. Have you talked with your husband. Does he seem happy to have this child or has he ever said he was sorry for ever wanting that now that the child is here? Maybe if you could hear him say he was sorry for ever wanting that and couldn't imagine your child not being here, maybe that would help. Seeing true remorse in a person goes a long way in helping you deal with this.
Hard to say
If I had it to do over again, I probably would not have married my husband. He and I are not very well suited to each other at all. But then I wouldn't have my wonderful son, so I can't say I entirely regret it. And after 27 years of marriage, my husband and I finally have a great relationship, with the help of an excellent marriage counselor. What's that saying - I've been happily married for 8 years, but we were married 27 years ago. 
I'm sorry - I know it must be hard for you (sm)
I don't have experience with it, but at lesat she is making the decision and you don't have to make it. There are also assisted living facilities that are not so much a nursing home, if you think that would be an option for her. Best wishes to you.
i know it is hard to believe
but I didn't see a pay phone in the dorm. You can get a room phone installed but it is expensive. I guess that is a thought though.
Even if I could contact AIM, I don't think I would. He is 18 and really I can't tell them not to let him use his free account. He's an adult (at least in terms of the law) even if he isn't acting very mature. The way it is now, I can see if he is online and talk to him. If I did something like that he would jsut make up a new screen name that I wouldn't have at all. I just don't think that is a good idea.
This is so hard
Your dog is beautiful. I know how attached you get and how much love these little guys give us.
We just had to go through much the same thing with our 9-year-old lab, Murphy. He got pancreatitis and was very sick, started to get better, but then really took a turn for the worse. He was unable to get up and walk and just cried and cried. After a couple of days, we all decided it was best to have him euthanized. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but none of us could stand to watch him suffer any more. He has had this look in his eyes like he was saying let me go.
Not saying that that is the right decision for you. I think you will know in your heart when it is time. Just try to keep him as comfortable and happy as possible.
My heart goes out to you and Fox.
re: having a hard day/NC MT
It depends on where your degree is from, and where you plan to go to school. If your college credit is from a community college, it should most certainly transfer. You really have to check with a counselor from the school you wish to attend. Good luck!
I'm so sorry...I know it must be so hard (sm)
at least it has only been 8 months though...so you two have no children together, right? No having to beg for sex when you are a newlywed is not normal. I have a lot of marital issues myself thought not similar...please e-mail me if you want to talk!
7 is a hard age sm
Had a 2nd grader who was after much angst by all, diagnosed as gifted. I was able to put him in private school, quieter, excelled at everything, is now an entrepeneur and doctoral candidate. It was not easy to pay the bills, but worked harder than ever. The school had me thinking it was my parenting skills, or lack of them, his behavior, his needing more male positive image, etc., etc. If I had istened to them he would have been put in a special class with those with learning difficulties. All in all, I was crying every day. Took a lot of time and energy. Looking back, his teacher was at fault for mislabeling him and not appreciating his talent. I think he was smarter than she was. We shudder at even the mention of her name. Some don't deserve to be teaching. Don't let her be mislabeled. Thank goodness, I knew someone in the field who tested as I was transcribing his work. It's a very hard road you have in front of you. Don't be discouraged, please. Good luck with it, it's very difficult. Keep examining the whole picture. God bless you.
So sorry. I know this has to be so hard
but she obviously is in a very loving home. Take a little comfort in knowing that you gave her a wonderful life.
it must be hard
person... i mean if you have only felt the need to apologize one time that must be some sort of record. correct me if i'm wrong, but you were apologizing at that particular time even though you were not at fault?
I did it on my own. It was not hard. No one else will
It did take some time to educate myself but it was not difficult. Got Money magazine and started reading. Also read other mags. I did have someone to talk to but could have done it without this person. Also, the investment groups 800 numbers were able to answer questions I had. It was acutally fun, in an odd way, knowing I was taking care of me, without having to pay someone else to do it. And that someone else would also be paid, out of my money, for giving me advice I could find for myself.
It's so hard to know ....
It's so hard to know the truth when these stories are printed in the Enquirer and papers of that kind. I hope this is one of those stories that turn out to be just sensationalism. How sad for him if it isn't!
What's hard is that
we have been keeping all of our kids' college funds in the stockmarket. After a big hit in 2001, they were doing OK. But now that we're really having to use them, the money just isn't there.
I'm wondering if it makes more sense to keep the money in the market (waiting for recovery) and take out a loan for the college tuition.
No wonder it's so hard to get through - and why
And yet US hospitals are trusting confidential data to the people who built that tangled mess. Unbelievable.
It's really hard to tell ...
what the true tones of some of these texts are meant to be.
It seems what I am reading is saying to tell the truth in an abstract way, just not in a personal way.
If anyone cares, my kids are only 4, 5, and 8, so the subject of my experience with alcohol and sex would be totally inappropriate. I was just wondering if anyone had an experience where being truthful with their older kids (18+) about herself was helpful. Apparently not?
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