I have not read but others wrote yet but you just need to stop - sm
Posted By: on 2007-09-15
In Reply to: Tough Love advice. My 19-year-old daughter is making me nuts.. - Stressed out Mom..
you have done all you can do and have bent over backwards to help. Your guilt will be your downfall. I don't know how to tell you to stop feeling guilty, but you really have nothing to feel guilty about. You have done way too much for her and she has just taken advantage. She is 19 more than old enough to take care of herself. She wants to be homeless and can adapt as you say to any situation, then let her. I would just tell her the gravy train stops now and she has to learn how to take care of herself. Get some names of some shelters to give her, the YWCA, etc. and if she really wants to help herself she can start there but she is going to have to do it on her own now. If the worsed happens you know you have done all that one person can possibly do; but if she does not want to help herself (and it is obvious she does not) then there really is nothing you or anyone else can do. You need to steel yourself not to give in and basically cut off all contact until she proves w/o a doubt that she has cleaned up her act which will take at least 6 months if not more I would think. If you don't have caller ID then get it, otherwise let your answering machine answer all calls and just don't take hers or return her calls either. Good luck.
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I read all the comments and I agree with the poster who wrote
'One has to teach people how to treat you' and one has to tell people what is imoportant to oneself.
It is inexcusable not to call or meet one's mother for mother's day and Christmas, etc.....
Stop! Stop! Memories
Keypunch machines. That's why my hearing is a bit off now. LOL
First personal computer and printer: An Epson and continuous paper printer with DOS operating system. Cost: $3500.
I still have my mood rings and my torquoise jewelry but lost my class ring in the grocery store.It was expensive, $50, black onxy stone and gold band.
Snowstorms that shut the towns down for days on end. Couldn't get out to go to work unless you worked close to home and could walk. Schools never shut down. Five of us walked a mile a day to school with snow up to our hips. Our lessons for the day? Study hall.
My first car was a ི Chevy coupe. Gas was $.27 a gallon and I chauffered 5 friends to and from school for $.25 a week. On Friday and Sat. nights there was a dance with a group that became 'almost famous.' They got as far as the Steel Pier in Atlantic City dance club. It was a big deal to be on TV in those days. On those nights, I would go to the next town and pick up anybody hitch hiking to the dance. (I wasn't allowed to go to the dances). I wired the car with an older portable record player that only played 45s and kept my records under the seat.Worked great except when I would hit a bump. LOL
Bandstand every day from 3:30 to 5:00 EST.
Sleigh riding in the winter on our Flexible Flyer. We did it on steep coal banks. Much better thrill. Then we found out cardboard worked even better. No getting stuck halfway down the bank because the sleigh rails would hit a larger piece of coal sticking up.
Hide-and-seek when it got dark. I missed the pole and hit face first. What a bloody mess, but you didn't run to the ER for it.
Throwing corn at the nasty neighbor's house at Halloween. He called the cops. We ran and hid. I was caught. Where was I hiding? In the neighbor's garbage pile. Today garbage piles are called compost piles.
Amen. Well said...whoever wrote this. thx. nm
nm
could have wrote you note but sm
I have a daughter that is a sophmore.Wamted this certain college. Could not convince to stay in state. It costs her 10,000 dollars more being out of state. She goes from wanting to b there to not wanting to be there to liking it it to hating it It depends on what day you talk to her. Joined the band dropped out, had problem with boyfriend moved across the campus, than they started dating again, then he ends it. She gets upset wants to come home. I get a phone call every night. Everytime we decide to have her transfer or come home she decides to stay. Has changed her major three times. What worries me is she is on Student loans that she will be responsible to pay when she graduates. If she leaves college she will have to start paying immediately, where she would have 10 years if the stays in college. This month she is already over 80 minutes on the cell phone and there is two weeks more to go. She spends hours talking to the ex-boyfriend and they are on the same campus. My husband and I are going to talk to a therapist about this because I want to do tough love. Hang up when she calls crying at 11 p.m. Telling her if she does not get her act together she will have no choice to leave etc. He is the softy. Nothing makes her happy.
By any chance is your son going to a college in New England.
Wrote down the info...thanks. nm
!
First off, I was very upset when I wrote
the original post. Sending my son to a boys' home is obviously a last resort. I don't mean an orphanage or foster care. I mean a facility that can help to retrain him if I can't. I love my son very much. I would rather suffer the pains and guilt of having to send him to a reformity, then to watch him grow up into someone who would hurt someone else and ruin the rest of his life. I love all of my children equally.
Secondly, when I took my child to the child psychologist, I had several visits with him first to see if there was something I was doing wrong. I continued to attend each session with my child, including private sessions for myself after his meeting with my son.
Thirdly, your comments were not helpful, just nasty, and that's not the kind of help I was looking for. Anyone who's ever been in this situation already feels inadequate as a parent and doesn't need someone else to slam them. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy day to do just that.
You must be my twin because you just wrote
everything about me to a T!!! I've been in a quandry for quite some time about what I should do.
I was one who wrote below about finding SM
love after divorce. I believe there are good men out there, but they are hard to find, especially the older one gets. I think the key is letting him find you, but it doesn't mean you can't put yourself out there.
OK. What I think about problem men have in marriages. I'm speaking about my own here. I was the only girl he ever dated. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. He knew it was mistake, but was devout Catholic and just stayed married, but decided he would still like to be single, so he began cheating on me. As for me, I loved him for a long, long time. When I see him at family events, I wonder why! LOL!!!!
hih? truth? whose? Men who wrote Bibles?
That wife you wrote about sounds like me! LOL! SM
I was married to a man who cheated for years. I was in total denial. After close to 30 years, I up and left. Best thing I ever did.
Just want to acknowledge point that men don't leave. If they are in a long marriage, and have been getting away with cheating for a long time, AND there is a lot of money involved, what with houses, pensions, savings, etc., THEY DON'T LEAVE.
I admire both your honesty. Good luck.
just wrote a long reply`
put stu@pid in it and it said I used bad language and to go back and it deleated my whole darn thing, will write back soon, behind in work, but have some comments to make later. Good to see you back Hayseed.
No when I originally wrote the check
The check was a voided check to Wal-Mart and the Loan company, CNH Capital, knew that and cashed it anyway. I thought it was illegal for someone cash a check that did not belong to them.
I can't believe you just wrote it's not okay for your kids to make mistakes.
"Just becuase UGU all forget things and make mistakes does not mean that my children need to be raised to think it's ok to do so."
Good god, I hope I never meet you or anyone else with your twisted sense of right and wrong.
no, nobody knows but the bank, they will cover checks you wrote
nm
Totally disagree with one thing you wrote. sm
You Wrote:
Yes, there are bad breeders, but there are far more good ones. In my 18 years in the cat fancy, I have seen some bad ones, *but the good ones far outweigh the bad.*
If only that were true. *sigh* Maybe you're talking about in the show world. It probably is true there, but that is such a teeny, tiny part of the whole picture.
In reality, outside of the show world, there are far, far, far more BAD 'breeders' out there, though I'm using the word 'breeder' loosely, to include backyard breeders (type that into Google if you're not familiar w/the term - I don't mean you, gd1, as I'm sure you know all about it!), puppy mills, and pet stores, and that is were the majority of the pet overpopulation problem comes from.
I wish only the reputable, ethical 'show breeders' of dogs and cats were the only ones doing any breeding. If that were the case, there would be little to no problem, as they are the caretakers of their breeds and are concerned with bettering the breed, only breeding animals with excellent health, conformation, and temperament - not just $$$ by cranking out puppies/kittens, or letting their dog/cat have a litter for the kids to see or because 'everyone wants one of her puppies/kittens!' or whatever.
I don't know if mandatory spaying/neutering is the answer or not. I do know it's being seriously considered in my state (CA), and there would be exceptions for hobby/show breeders, breeders of service dogs, search and rescue dogs, etc.
But I have a feeling people would find some way around it, and I imagine disreputable people (gag) in neighboring states would start to crank up 'production' if there were any kind of 'shortage' here. Makes me ill...
I also don't know how mandatory spay/neut. could be enforced. Animal control here (huge county) admitted on the news that only about 25% of pets are licensed.
I think I'm in favor of it, overall though, at least to give it a try and with exceptions available for *some* breeders, as I mentioned above.
I did breed rescue for 6 years, and I've been to more shelters and seen more animals there than I care to recall. It's absolutely sickening the number of perfectly nice animals destroyed, simply for lack of a home. A shocking number (about 25-30%) are young, healthy purebreds that cost the original owner a pretty penny, so even that doesn't guarantee a home.
The poster wrote 4 sentences on an MT forum.
You don't know her, can't judge her. This place is getting so catty and ridiculous.
You did your rant, laughed your ___ off and wrote off your Mom and Grandmom!
You have a lot to learn. When they are dead, you will realize it didn't really mean a thing except that you "wrote them off" and laughed your A@@ off at any suggestion that you should make peace with your Mom at Christmas. You only have one Mom, you came from her loins, no one else's. Too bad you can't realize how wrong you are to judge. No one said you have to see her every day but she's a human being and human beings make mistakes. Glad you are perfect and your kid is perfect. Hope you always remain "perfect." Merry Christmas! Sounds like you have a lot of people backing you up, so you think you're right in ditching your Mom and Grandmom. People in my family have done horrible things to me but I rise above it, send them a Christmas card and wish them a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year. I am not God. Perhaps you don't see your Mom's tears, but believe me, one day you will be sorry and it will be too late. Get a heart! You are telling your son in effect, "These are bad people, write them off!" Bad advice methinks. You are hearing only what you want to hear, so go ahead and laugh your a@@ off if it makes you happy. Watch out you are not that "Mom" one day, you've set the scene and have written the script, to "write Moms off."
Obviously a man wrote that Good Wife Guide - sm
Boy that thing is amazing, hard to believe that that is how people thought and behaved back then, Stepford wives. Guess some men were sad when women finally woke up and smelled the coffee. ---I only remember a couple things though, but I was born in 1965--- drive-in movies and the metal ice trays, rabbit ears, the star/sun ray clock, and we had an old metal Pepsi cooler which had my dad kept would probably be worth a small fortune now.
If you exercised your right to vote and wrote to your congressmen/women,
passive people just sit back ,allow bad things happening, and then whine about it, while aggressive people actually DO SOMETHING about matters they disagree with.
Mitch Alboum wrote a book about this called
Boy, Hayseed..you just wrote my story..Today, it occured to me...
I'm going nuts doing this job. The longer I sit here every day the fruit-ier I am getting. I have to force myself to leave the house and when I get out there I have panic attacks. I'm freaked out by traffic, freaked out by too many people and I just want to run home and put my sweats back on. A few days ago was the topper, and it was at that point, that I started getting on the job search for a job OUTSIDE of home. Isolation is NOT good. My husband had just made dinner, we ate, then I went back to my office for about an hour, and I irritatingly came out of my office to ask my husband why he hadn't decided yet what he wanted for dinner as it was getting late. He looked at me with that WHAT THE BLEEP BLEEP!!! and I just knew it was time to get AWAY from the computer and socialize with real people. I truly feel this is NOT healthy. I have started wierding myself out by some of the stuff I'm doing. I have even started forgetting people's names and numbers that I swore I would never forget...AND I refuse to believe I'm getting older or that I have Alzheimers. It's something much deeper..WORK..LOL..Well, it's late and I need to get back to work so I can keep losing my mind..See ya. 
I wrote my local buffalo rock and they told me a
I will look for your Folger's Instant Straight up tomorrow when I go!
I wrote a $10 check to Wal-Mart and turned in to a $40 mistake so far.
Here is what happened. When you write a check at this Wal-Mart here, they have you sign something and give the check back. I stuck it back in my purse. They are supposed to void. I was cleaning at my purse that day and paying bills at the same time. I wrote a $250 to pay a loan. I really don't know how it happened but I must have torn that one up and sent the $10 voided check to the loan. A week later, i was looking at my acct online. I notice that that $10 I had written to Wal-Mart went through twice. I called the bank and asked why. They said, "oh, it looks like Wal-Mart double dipped." so I was refunded the money. I don't know who refunded the money, was it the bank, Wal-mart, I don't know. Anyway, I became concerned about why that 250 check didn't come in so I called that loan company. They said $10 was credit to my acct. I did not connect the 2 at the time. I thought, 10, I don't write $10 to this acct. The man told me he would look into it incase there was a mistake. He called back the day later and said that was a $10 originally written to Wal-Mart and we cashed it. So I called the bank and told them. They then had me go to wal-mart because they said I owed them $10 back. I go to wal-mart and they say no it is the Telecheck, company they use for this service and they thanked me for trying to clear it up and said Telecheck will be contacting me. So I get a letter in the mail saying I owe $40 plus I am not allowed to write checks anywhere that uses their service until I pay that $40 back.
What scares me is that that check said VOID on it and that other bunch was still able to cash it and get their money, which I think was dishonest of them...also my bank let it go through. Now what if I were to loose a bunch of those type checks and someone cashes it AGAIN. Man I would be out a lot. Do you think any of this is right? TIA.
Sorry, I was upset at the time I wrote the original post
Basically, I sent a voided Wal-Mart check to a creditor by mistake and they cashed it and the bank let it go through both times. I called them on it. I was thinking that someone must have found that check and cashed it again. At the time, I did not realize my mistake. They then cancelled the payment to Wal-Mart, don't know why, and now Wal-Mart is treating it like I wrote a hot check. They added $30 to the original amount.
A cute little article/story my husband just wrote that I wanted to share!
Layoffs in the North Pole
Story by Bill Perkins
In a press release this morning Santa Claus announced the layoff of nearly 800,000 elf employees. The announcement was completely unexpected despite the current economic situation.
Due to the failing economy, and many companies cutting costs wherever they can, including advertising, Mr. Claus has lost several endorsement jobs.
Mr. Claus is seeking government aid, requesting his own bailout package from several different governments. However, he is meeting a great deal of resistance. Many toymakers and distributors, namely Walmart, Playskool, and the Chinese government, are lobbying against the bailout. They say Santa's "Free Toy for Every Child" program is a seasonal monopoly, and it generally takes four months to recover the losses sustained from his "good deeds."
Children across the globe will feel the impact this Christmas, particularly the naughty ones. Traditionally, naughty children receive lumps of coal from Santa on Christmas. Mr. Claus has no coal to give, though, as it was part of the elves' severance packages. It is Santa's hope that it will at least be enough to keep his former employees warm through the winter.
When asked if there was any hope of the elves returning to work next year, Santa replied, "It doesn't look very promising. The elves are like family to me; I love them all very dearly. Unfortunately, illegal immigrants work for a lot less, and I don't have to provide benefits, so that's probably what I'll have to do. It was a difficult decision to make, but it's necessary if I want to keep the business in operation."
The elves aren't the only ones hurting. The reindeer are suffering a great deal more. Mr. Claus has had to auction off much of his breeding stock just to stay operational until Christmas Eve. (See related story on page 5, "McDonald's Debuts new Christmas Menu.) It is questionable at this point how much longer Santa will be able to make his annual flight.
Could this be the beginning of the end of Santa Claus? Only time will tell for sure.
If I don't read before I go to sleep I can't fall asleep. I will read sm
until I begin to fall asleep. They say reading relaxes you fully and it works wonders for me.
I used to suffer from insomnia, but not since I've been doing this - about 5 years now.
Plus, I've grown so much and have gained wisdom by doing so. I enjoy Christian books and reading the Bible.
yep, so will probably have to stop
reading the posts and get some work done. LOL.
stop it
Stop sitting back waiting for him to do something - it seems like you have to have his approval for everything - even to be upset - Stop waiting for him to change because he probably won't. Some people have suggested that he is abusive - I'm not sure about that because it seems like you ASK for something, he says no and that is the end of it. . STOP ASKING. She's your sister - for most people, this would not be a big deal. . For once, just tell him she is coming and you will be spending time with her. . Maybe his reaction won't be that bad, and if it is, so what?? Are you afraid of him?
STOP IT
quit putting yourself down - Your child will never hate you - your husband will not hate you - You have done nothing wrong.. SOME people today do put too much emphasis on material things -but you know as well as I do that material things are not that important. . Your heart is what is important. . Love your child and husband and continue being the good person you are - Do you think those people are better than you because they have a lot of land? No - they may have more money but they are no better - and from the way they treat other people - it sounds like they are not as good as you. . And the gifts you gave the child were fine - people would be a lot better off playing board games with their kids than letting them play video games all the time.
Stop yelling.
Just because your dog is your best friends, doesn't mean you should bring it everywhere you go. Wow. Try breathing deep and relaxing. I said I don't normally care, but if I had a slipper dog, I wouldn't bring it where it doesn't belong personally.
LOL, me too, also that gum would all congeal and stop you up.
xx
tell her if she does not stop running she will not sm
get to go with you anymore. Find someone to watch her and stick to your guns. kids need and want consistency. Make it stick.
Trying to stop smoking
I haven't smoked today! I am trying to quit. Have tried several times before, but this time I have to do it!
Stop beating yourself up....
I have been following since your first post. You asked for opinions, which you got, and you also got a lot more. I wish mothers were more supportive of each other. We truely have the hardest job in the world and I think we have all made choices that we have second guessed or I know other mothers would not have made.
When I was 13 (I am now 40) and in junior high I was "paddeled" while wearing a cheerleading skirt. I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and was gathered up with several other students (who really weren't doing anything wrong) and we were all paddeled. I said something to my parents about the fact that I had a couple of welts on my thighs and they told me that was my fault since I obviously did something wrong in order to get paddeled. I got an apology from the vice principal so evidentally my parents realized they needed to stand up for me. My parents now sing a totally different tune. I have wonderful parents (father and step-moter)now, they just made some, in my opinion, wrong decisions when I was younger. They now talk about how they wish they had parented me differently. I am not saying you made the wrong decision...we don't have paddeling in our school system so I don't know whatI would do. Now just move on, it is over with, can't change it, and I can honestly say the paddeling had no lasting affect on me.
Then she should stop going out if she knows the commotion she causes
I realize that the press and photographers should leave her alone. God only knows I'd have a nervous breakdown if I ever had to endure her life, but under the circumstances, if I was just released from the hospital and had psychiatric problems, I would go home and try to keep a low profile for a while to try to heal and try to put her life back in order. It seems like the minute she got out of the hospital, there was was driving all over LA going here and there (or wherever she is in CA with yet another man). Stay home and you won't be followed. Some one on one of the talk shows said she brings a lot of this on herself, and I agree. Someone also said she should just get away out of the country to some little part of the world where she can be secluded and where not many people know her (although I think it would be hard to find a place like that).
No they don't and you somehow need to make it stop
because this is very degrading to you? Has he always been like this? There have to be some 'safe' things he does to show his love/affection, etc., that don't make you feel like the next step is directly to the bedroom....!!!
If you don't stop crying, I am just going to
x
STOP!!!! BETTER TAKE A CLOSER LOOK
This is what I found when researching this:
Just Wondering asked the question; Do the Heat Surge Fireless Flame heaters that the Amish sell really work?
It is being advertised in the local paper (The Herald-Dispatch,Huntingto n , WV ). That it is a Miracle Heater. Saves Money: uses less energy than a coffee maker. Stay really warm and slash your heating bill all at the same time. It uses 1500 watts. It is 5119 btu. My question is. Is this really a Miracle Heater? Should I buy one for every room in my house and turn off the heat pump?
10 months ago
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by John R Member since:
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The ads (which are all over the country) are very misleading.
1. A coffee maker uses a large amount of electricity for about a minute. It's true that the so-called "miracle" heater uses less electricity than a coffee maker DURING THAT ONE MINUTE. But you're going to have the heater running for a lot longer than one minute a day. So it's going to cost you a lot more to operate than a coffee maker does.
The heater will cost you around 12 cents per hour to operate. The average cost of electricity in the U.S. is 8 cents per 1,000 watts per hour, so 1,500 watts costs 12 cents per hour on average. This is true for ANY 1,500 watt electric heater.
2. The ads say that the heater produces an "amazing" 5,119 BTU (a measure of heat energy), but ALL 1,500 watt electric heaters produce 5,119 BTU. If an electric heater was 100% efficient, it would convert 1,500 watts of electricity into 5,120 BTU of heat. All electric heaters are nearly 100% efficient, and this has been true for decades. The "miracle" heater is no more efficient than any other electric heater.
3. The website of the heater's manufacturer (Heat Surge, a company in Ohio that has nothing to do with the Amish) is much more honest than the ads. It states clearly that the way the heater saves you money is if you turn off your central heat, buy one heater, use it to heat one room at a time, and move the heater from room to room as you move around. This is called "zone heating." See the Saves Money section of the website (www.heatsurge.com).
This is true, but it's also true for ANY electric heater. The problem is that a lot of people don't like to have just one room of their house warm while all the others are cold.
You DON'T want to heat your entire house by putting an electric heater in each room. That would cost you far more than central heat. Gas central heat, for example, would cost around half as much as having an electric heater in each room. (The exact amount varies depending on what part of the country you live in.)
If you want to get one heater and move it around with you, that would be cheaper than central heat, but you can get a lightweight 1,500 watt / 5,119 BTU electric heater with a fan for under $100 at your local hardware store, while the "miracle" heater costs $350 including shipping. The heater at your local hardware store won't have the Amish-made mantle and the fake flames, but it will work just as well. Make sure to get one with a fan, since it will warm up the room faster, although fans can be noisy.
10 months ago
I just wish they would stop saying a "man" sm
was pregnant. I mean, come on, the person was born a woman and female internal organs or else this wouldn't be possible. If they did a DNA test, it would show XX not XY. To me, this is no different than lesbian couples doing artificial insemination or IVF. It's only getting publicity because one of them has had surgery to appear male and lives as a male.
Got hit from behind at a stop sign
Got out of the car and went back to see that the car that hit me had lo more damage than mine. Went up to the car and nobody would roll down a window, three guys all on their cellphones (at that time anyway) so I stood there, got out my cellphone and called the police. Tapped on the window then and found out none of them spoke English. Told them in English not to move. The police came and went back to them, came to my car and said they were all illegal immigrants, was not their car, driver didn't even have a license and was driving a "friend's car." AND of course, no insurance. His pen was flying as he was writing up those tickets in his car and as I pulled out I saw squad cars surrounding the car and I bet INH was on their way too. Didn't feel one bit bad but sure would have if I had damage to my car.
may stop a slimeball
When I was single (before the invention of the cell phone) someone followed me home to my apartment. I stayed in my locked car. He pulled up next to me and started honking like he was waiting on someone to come out. Well, I knew for a fact, none of my neighbors would tolerate being "fetched" by a honking horn, so I stayed put.....for about a half hour. He never got out and drove off. I went into my apartment safe and sound.
I love locked cars.
I can't stop laughing....
Do you have any idea how much you will be paying in taxes if tobacco and alcohol are made illegal? Who do you think pays for the sin tax - the users of alcohol and tobacco. If they want to abuse it, fine by me as it does not affect me. Once it is made illegal, it affects me big time with taxes.
Sorry, but I think I am going to stop watching this
nm
Okay, you guys have got to stop - sm
Posting these delicious-sounding recipes! I want to try them all, but I also want to be able to fit into my chair.
As soon as you stop enabling them - sm
They will figure out they need to do things on their own like the rest of society does. You are NOT helping them by giving in. What you are teaching them is if they press somebody hard enough and wear them down, they will eventually roll over.
When did you stop believing is Santa?
When did you stop believing is Santa?
If you have kids old enough, when did they stop believing?
How did you/your kids find out?
How did you/they react to the truth?
If kids don't find out on their own, what age do you think they should be told?
vaccine doesn't stop one from getting pox.......sm
as I know it, vaccines don't stop you from getting a disease - vaccines help in that you get a milder case of it, and in this case, chickenpox......
Hey Regina. STOP EMAILING ME.
Geez.
I would stop sleeping in the same bed/room as him
Tell him that you can't stand the stench because it can't be good. Not taking care of/repairing your teeth is as bad as not taking a shower/practicing basic good hygeine. It's pretty gross.
Somehow you have to make him stop, for your daughter
My stepdad used to pull the same stunts when I had friends over (he was an alcoholic). It got to the point where my friends' parents would no longer allow them to come to my house. I also got teased at school something fierce because of his behavior. It got to the point where I would not allow anyone to come to the house - still don't take boyfriends home to meet the family! -which meant I was constantly out of the house and spent less time at home with my mother. I'm sure you don't want that to happen with your daughter, so somehow this behavior has to stop.
It won't stop legitimate breeders, who will - sm
pay for a license. But hopefully it'll help to shut down lots of the irresponsible backyard breeders, puppy & kitten mills.
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