I have had the pleasure...
Posted By: An Iowan on 2008-11-09
In Reply to: Has anyone here had the painful problem of having to place their parent in a nursing home? SM - Cyndiee
....of working in several nursing homes as a CNA and nurse before coming to medical transcription. It's hard work and usually staffing is sometimes paltry, even in the good homes, but we really do care. Really. Every place has bad eggs, the hospitals, home care, etc., but everyone usually has to have some sort of heart to work in a nursing home.
First things first...I always would check for jobs with this litmus test, and I recommend anyone do this. This is a make or break kind of ordeal. You look for the state inspection report. It HAS to be placed in a prominent place in the facility. If you cannot find it readily, ask where it is. If there is anything going on with hiding these documents, you leave and never come back. The other thing is to smell for stale urine or strong air fresheners. If you smell either of those, leave. (Do not check for BM smell--the smell often radiates and may be new, for lack of a better term.) Look at the residents. Do many of them seem content? Do you see aides with gait belts around their waists? Do the nurses look terribly stressed? Please also do not judge by tones of voices in the direct care staff. Often the staff must talk very directly, succintly, and abruptly--it sometimes comes off as harsh, but it's not--for particular residents to hear and/or understand.
If you go in a facility in the evening, often the place is chaotic, particularly if there are demented residents. There is a condition known as sundowning that is very, very real. The ones with dementia who are sundowning may give the impression that care is not being given due to the chaos and behaviors brought by the condition. It's not the case. Usually these residents are kept in common areas until they are calm enough to retire for the night.
If you go in the nighttime, often there is one night nurse for about 65ish residents. If you are so inclined to come in at this time and do not see anyone at the nurse's station for some time, know that the nurse may be tending to a medical issue and the CNAs are tending to personal care of the residents.
If you ever see nurses eating a sandwich in one hand and writing in another hand while sitting at the nurse's station, this is sometimes the only break he or she gets. It's not out of disrespect that this is done. It is so that nurse can care for the residents as best as he or she can.
What you are describing in your original post, unfortunately, is quite common, from what I have seen. Two people who are married a long time will often pass not too far apart. It seems people often do decide when they will go. As a nurse, it's one of the more incredible things I've seen. When I saw it happen, I always had the sense there is an extremely strong bond between the spouses that absolutely nothing could break. I'm not trying to say anything is amiss with your mother. I'm not. It doesn't always happen that way. I hope I don't come off that way. I'm sorry you are going through this, because no one wants to send a loved one to the nursing home, yet caring for an ailing parent is one of the most stressful things anyone can experience. I have never been in your position, so I hope I don't come off as too forward, rude, or presumptuous, but I wanted to tell you a little more about what you may be getting into.
If you live in Iowa, I'd recommend you to a great one that has the best nurse I've ever met working there now. He has cooked up oyster soup in our kitchen when a resident stopped eating because the resident loved oyster soup. He has taken residents fishing for the heck of it. He wears a scrub shirt with chickens on it because many of our residents were farmers and like the shirt (and because my husband has a silly sense of humor and a wife with a sewing machine). I've known CNAs who buy (with their own money) residents pop and even steak just because the resident wanted it and could have it. Shoot, lots of us do it, even when we don't have a lot of money to our names. I loved to sing with the residents that had dementia (music seems to be retained) and chat about life with the residents who had their faculties. I promise it's not all doom and gloom. Sure, nursing homes could do better, but if you find the right one, it may just work out.
All my best to you and your mother.
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