I have been asked to handle the bridal shower for my niece's wedding and I need ideas!
Posted By: HelpME on 2009-06-07
In Reply to:
My niece is 18 and getting married very young, but not getting married because she "has" to, if you know what I mean. However, the maid of honor is my other niece who is 17 and not in a position to plan and pay for a bridal shower and so I've been asked to plan and then co-host the shower with my neice, the maid of honor for my niece, the bride. Confused yet?
And the wedding is in August! So I need to decide on a theme, location, and get invitations out by July. I want to do something unique and fun, but right now I can't seem to work up a unique idea to save my life! Help!
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I just went to a sweet bridal shower..
It was at a restaurant in a private dining room. The mother had a stuffed animal that the bride had loved forever and it was dressed like a bride and there were pictures of the girl at various ages holding that stuff toy. A short letter was read from the animal about all of their adventures together and how she was all set to go with the bride on her honeymoon.
All of us were given nice poster cards, decorated with lace, and we were told to write down some advice for the bride. Later on she read them out loud (some were funny and most were good advice). Then they were laced together into a book for the bride to keep.
We had a cold salad lunch and had cupcakes decorated nice for dessert (beats having to cut a big cake). Gifts were opened and then we were on our way. Forget to mention the groom and the father of the bride showed up with roses for the bride and then they ate somewhere else. A bridesmaid dress on a hangar was displayed and I think there were some little decorations on the table.
Bridal shower atire would probably be fine. Find out if hats are "de riguer" for the occasion.
s
You asked how others handle it. They sm
handle it by being the grandmother who stays out of it. You sent me a nasty email saying you weren't interfering, and did not wish to be judged, but you ASKED, how do others handle it. Others handle it by letting the parents, not the grandparents, handle it. Nuff said. Please do not email me again.
Wedding shower...
My niece is getting married in August and is having a shower in July. Long story short, they live together, have been for a looonnnggg time now. On the invite, it says "Money preferred" with a bunch of $$$ around it. They're calling it a "greenback shower"...Is it just me, or is this totally disgusting and greedy? Makes me not wanna go. Also, I am not even sure how much to give. We never see them, only at family functions (DH's family..... )...anyway, is it just me that feels this way?
wedding shower
I agree. I think they have a lot of nerve expecting guests to "finance" their life together. Are they getting married after so long just to make some bucks? Or are you supposed to help offset the cost of this wedding? Are they registered? I'd give her a gift (if that's what you'd prefer). If you feel you have to give money, I'd probably stay in the $25.00 range or whatever you feel comfortable giving. Of course, you could always make an excuse and not go. After all, they'll probably want money as a wedding gift also!
Shower/Wedding gifts
The only time that I give money or a gift card as a gift is if I am traveling to the wedding and then it is just easier than trying to pack a gift, get it through security, etc. When I take a gift, if it is something that is duplicated or something the couple does not want or need - I leave it up to them to return it - I let them figure out where it came from and how to return it with no gift receipt. Today's brides and grooms are a bit too greedy and ungrateful for my taste - I can't count how many thank-you notes I have never received - so I make them work if they want a return - which now days usually cannot be for cash.
Want to redo my shower, need ideas
I have redone my bathroom last year and blinged it out, dark gold for the walls, slate for the floor and then had granite vanity top put in. I have a jet bathtub that is never used, hubby and I both shower. The shower itself is just plain Jane, nothing special. I could have the tub taken out and expand the shower over but not sure what I want yet. I have been thinking about some rock detail or tile detail for inside of the shower. Anyone out there who has done remodeling for the shower? Thanks
oops - baby shower - wrong shower!
Sorry, tired eyes here. The thank you notes envelopes might stand and you could make a puzzle with baby words.
Baby shower gift or shower
Anyone have some creative or unique baby shower gift ideas or shower ideas? or what is something that you couldn't live without when you had your baby.
I have heard of giving a book instead of a card and signing the book. Also heard of wrapping the present in a blanket or crib sheet instead of spending money on paper to throw away. I have heard of charging an "admission fee" of a package or diapers or 1 package of diapers buys a raffle ticket for a prize.
You need to send a wedding gift if you attend the wedding - sm
If possible you should drop it by the brides or grooms house, etc. so you don't have to take it to the wedding, and so they don't have to worry about transporting the gifts from the church or the reception. You should always send a wedding gift if you attend the wedding though.
This wedding, the wedding party will be releasing butterflies!
Apparently, you can buy live butterflies, individually packaged, that can be released after the ceremony. The bride and groom are 65 and 68 years old, for crying out loud and this is their second marriage. This wedding is the craziest thing I've ever seen!
David's Bridal Shops all over the country I think
A guest book attendant is not a bridal party member and should
s
I think Chadwick's might carry larger sizes, too. And stop in a bridal shop & at
s
How would you handle it!
My mother has this friend who she knew in highschool “Mary”. My mother moved away very young, but after we moved back (40 yrs later) they started talking again. Mary used to call my mother and they would go and eat dinner and such. My mom is 70 and this lady is around same age.
Just for a visual. Nothing against the weight…My mother is 6’2 and average build and very modest and clean. Mary is about 5’5 and about 300+. She has food issues and will just pile food up. I’m sorry but she is disgusting. She just wants to sit around and eat and sleep.
Mary had started calling to go out and eat or for coffee and then not pay, expecting my mother to pay for everything. My mother has taken food to this lady’s house when she cooked a big meal or pot of soup etc. and this lady never returned bowls. Well one day my mother went and got her and they went to dinner. When she dropped Mary back off at her house…as my mother says…”She passed gas 4 times, and did not bother to say excuse me!”  My mother is a very well mannered, modest lady and that thoroughly disgusted her. She refused to take any more of her calls. She would speak to her in passing or if she saw her at a restaurant but tried to avoid her.
Mary just gets bigger and bigger and wears the same clothes days in a row with food spilled down them and will not bathe! It is disgusting. My mother and friends have talked with her daughters about getting her some psychiatric help but she has all of her faculties. She just says she can’t get in the tub and out. Well, sit on a chair and bathe. Now she only takes a bath once a week, yes once! This is when and if her cousin will come and bathe her. This has become just sorriness. I have seen these super obese people who can bathe themselves. She can manage to get up and down and walk and drive and go to restaurants. If she manage that much she can change her darn clothes! She is not disabled or so morbid that she cannot manage this, she just does not care.
I went to see my mother Sunday. She said Mary had called the day before and asked to meet for coffee. First time in over a year. My mother agreed. She never, ever talks during this time. During coffee she asked if mother wanted to go and eat at a particular restaurant, being cordial my mother agreed, 6:00. Mary called at 5:00 she was ready, then wanted to go get coffee again. Getting up to go and pay Mary proceeds to gas my mother out again! Too which my mother again is thoroughly disgusted.
Well I had spent the night Sunday night, cleaning for company to arrive. Mary calls. My mother who is sick was in other room and I did not recognize number. Mary asks how she is and I say sick. My mother had already told her she was sick and would be busy getting ready for company. I told her she had gone to the store. Within 5 minutes this lady was banging on the front door!  We were trying to ignore her, assuming it was her. I was trying to look out window. Mother usually keeps the door locked for this reason but I was in and out mowing lawn and cleaning. This heifer (no pun intended) just walked right in, “Hey, how are you” and sat down. Mother and I mad as fire!!!! My mother would try not to hurt anyone’s feelings unless they push her. I was floored. It was her house and I did not want to say anything. Well she has on the same clothes from the day before and she is reeking with BO! Had to Febreeze that end of the couch! Well she sat on that couch, did not say a word, then proceeded to sleep in my mother’s nice air conditioning for 3 hours! Snoring like a freight train. She then woke up and helped herself to an entire box of Cheese-It snacks. Finally after waking up good at 7:30 p.m. she asked if my mother wants to go eat. My mother laughs and says sure why not! Just to get her out of the house. My mother expressed fears that this lady would come over every day while my family was in town.
Company arrived yesterday morning. I called today my sister says “well we had unexpected company POP IN today!” I told her to tell her not to do it again. She said same thing, peeping out window and this lady walked right in. Sat there sleeping. She waits for someone to cook for her! My sister said whoo she smells and this is supposed to be “bath day”. That lady had the same clothes on since Saturday with the same food spilled down the front!
Not quite sure how to handle this one, other than my mother ignoring her and not answering the phones again. She is just too good hearted.
I'm with you. I don't think I could handle that
either. I think even though you choose to forgive and go on, would you ever be able to really feel the same after that? I think once trust is broken it is difficult. I admire couples who work through this. Maybe in some cases it makes the marriage stronger.
how to handle
Hi,
Wow. I'm not really sure what to say, but you sound like you really need some support. Have you tried AL-anon or some other support agency for families of alcoholics? Maybe they can advise you, or maybe a lawyer. I think if you call a lawyer, at least the initial consultation is free, but check when you call. I wish you luck and hope things improve for you. Hang in there.
How would you all handle this? sm
My SIL and BIL moved to town in November. So far I have arranged every get together during the holidays, Super Bowl, picnics, birthday lunches and dinners, and call her on a regular basis. She has called once. Yet every time we get together we have a ball and talk for hours on the phone and she says yes she will call, but never does. I mean, her phone dials to my house, right? Not even sure what to think here and would hate to lose her friendship, but do I always have to make all the effort? Is there something I could say that would not sound rude but let her know it would be nice if she made plans once in awhile or picked up the phone? 
what's PH? Posting Handle?????
posting handle!!! lol
the mammas handle
I have a dad exactly like this. We are estranged 10 years now also. Truly, truly your mom needs to step up to the plate and handle daddy. Her hiding out is cowardly, forcing you and your husband to even discuss daddy on the lawn is unbelievably rude. Your life is not a Jerry Springer show! You're the kid in this. The girlfried can handle him or your mom. I think if you put it to him this way, his pride will get the better of him and he will get off the porch!
I feel your pain! Hang in there!
The handle are coming off ...
and DH has welded a few back on. This set is about 10 years old, but it shouldn't be doing this.
Here's how I handle finances ...
I am doing well when I see others are not but it takes some priorities and discipline.
I have a budget set. I follow it religiously. It took time to develop it. It includes expenses for maintaining the car and home, clothes, gifts, haircuts, emergency saving, long-term saving. If I have a fluctuation in income where I have excess left over - it goes to savings, not in my spending fist.
I have everything I can set up on electronic banking. It helps keep you on track if you cringe at the thought of being overdrawn and messed up on an electronic withdrawal problem!
Income is direct deposited into 3 accounts: Household checking, personal checking and savings. Household checking is where all expenses are paid out of. Savings, self explanatory. Personal checking is the allowance I have for myself from each paycheck. It is my personal spending.
Once the bills are paid, each payperiod I have a set amount I withdraw in cash from household checking. This is for gas/groceries. That is it. When we run out of cash for gas/groceries, we run out.
Don't carry credit/debit cards or checks with you.
Single most important staep you can take: Live below your means. Whatever your income is, subtract 10% for your savings and then live on the rest. No exceptions. No matter what changes you have to make, if you do not do take this one most important step, you will never have any savings and never get ahead.
If your mother does not handle this
You will all be on the news. This is your mother's problem that she is refusing to handle. She is lucky to have such a responsible daughter as yourself. But not dealing effectively with your father is just sticking her head in the sand. I hope he can't get a gun, because it sounds like he is slowly getting up his courage...
How to handle mama cat.
A few months ago a stray calico started coming to my door. I found her to be very friendly and so I let her in when I am working. I started feeding her. She keeps me company. I haven't really taken her to the vet yet as I was still wondering if she might be a neighbors cat but none will claim her so I guess she is officially mine. H agreed to keep the cat outside. He doesn't want house animals of any kind so I feed her outside but I will let her in during the day time and H has agreed when the weather is cold she can stay closed up in the Utility room at night. Anyway, she had 4 kittens in the neighbors wishing well a week ago. I am taking her to the vet to get her fixed as soon as she quits nursing. I don't know how long that will be though. The neighbors said that she and her babies can stay as long as they need to. Anyway, as I was typing along I heard a mew mew. I looked behind me and see mama carrying one of her kittens into my girls bedroom. I have my door open and she can get through a hole in the screen. My girls would love that but I know H wouldn't. What should I do?
niece
Oh yeah, she may be mad at you now but just look at it this way in the future she will look back and be very thankful that you stepped in! Don't let yourself be talked into not mentioning it and keeping quite. This could end up being her life you are talking about here!
One niece was an MT
for a physical therapy place until it went out of business. She was making a lot of money but only knows physical therapy stuff. Two other nieces have talked to me about it, but one is not motivated enough to work at home unsupervised. The other niece recently had to quit her job in graphic design to stay home with her 1 year old son who has been diagnosed with juvenile diabetes.
I wish my niece could know you
She needs to develop a backbone and realize there is life after a "control freak", abusive, alcoholic, drug dependent jerk!!!! You go, girl - so glad you found a millionaire - Does he have a brother between 48-55? I never know when my circumstances may change. Love my husband, but you never know - he's lots older than me - I have to be prepared, ya know? Next time, I want nice, fun and definitely rich, so I can do this job only if I want to, not to pay the bills.
my niece
You can tell them not to be like my niece who is going to be 14 in about a week. She is a young lady now. She does not bathe, brush her hair, wear deodorant, or brush her teeth. She has now gotten over 13 cavities and will be spending the next sets of mondays at the dentist getting teeth fixed. She also has terrible gum disease. I have tried talks but she is not my child. She does not live with me so it is hard for her to listen to her mother. Her mother really isn't much better. Instead of washing clothes, when she was younger, she would just take her to a thrift store and buy whatever they had. Tight clothes, too small, too big or whatever. Tell them they don't want to be the stinky kid with dirty clothes, hair, teeth that are crusty and bleeding, with clothes on like that. We now call it "don't be a morgan" to my 12 year old who does not want to brush his teeth or retainer, mostly because he does not rinse the retainer off enough and it tastes funny. HA.
your niece
What a GORGEOUS baby!!
You certainly are blessed, and your sister is blessed to have a sister as kind-hearted as you to have come stay with her!
Merry, merry Christmas!
My niece
the love of my life! doing this right here! holding her as much as I can!!!
PS i understand about your cat though... before i moved closer to be with my niece, my dogs would always make me happy
Had my feelings hurt, how to handle?
About a week ago my elderly aunt called and told me she was having problem with her scalp, asked what did I think she should do, dermatologist she asked. Told her I would be happy to check on an ole timey medicine to apply to scalp, used for daughter before and worked. Distributor no longer made but phamacist suggested something else. I took to her and did not want money for it and told her so. Today I get the cost of the medicine back and then she goes on to say what a terrible smell, stung when she first put it on (says so on the directions which I am sure she read), awful smell, could not go out anywhere, had to wash her hair, just terrible putrid smell. Now, except for a doctors visit every one in awhile, she does not go out and that is not every week. I did this out of kindness and now I feel hurt, not only about her returning the money but most of all how she went on and on and on about how she could not use. She is not senile, has plenty of sense, although elderly still drives and no kind of problems except I think she was kinda rude to me. Any ideas? Should I say something, let it go, not involve myself any more??
The cleverest way to handle the situation is to
I know exactly what you are going through. I think that the great majority of us who work at home and who have children have gone through this. You'd think that this mom would be more understanding if her husband works at home, but apparently not. I also know that parents who work outside the home have all sorts of scheduling/transportation issues to deal with, as do we work-at-homes. But, I think that over time, they ask so often for these little favors that they become completely oblivious as to how rude they are. Maybe they get this way out of desperation, but once they get a "yes" from someone, they return again and again asking for favors.
I have three teenagers, but I've gone through this with neighbors and "friends" when the kids were little. The only way you can get it to stop is to firmly say no. Simple answer: "No. I'm sorry that I can't help you, but my work schedule does not allow me the time to do that." Then quickly finish the conversation. If you are there in person, say that you have to leave and turn away. If you are on the phone, say that you have to go now. Good-bye. Hang up. Don't give her the opportunity to ask why or to say something like, "But it's only a few minutes out of the way, etc." Just end the conversation.
She'll get the message very quickly, and even if she's very dense, she won't ask more than a few times.
I know you feel reluctant to do this. No one likes a confrontation, and you don't want to be rude. But by being short and to the point, and then politely ending the conversation, you should solve the problem. AND the beauty part is... after you've done this once or twice, you will feel empowered and will be able to do this again if someone else wants to impose upon you.
People don't understand that work-at-home does not mean "totally available". They should understand, but most of them don't. You have to stand up for yourself and educate this demanding woman.
Not so much jealous, as they just can't get a handle on why things
m
Exactly, like when people say God will not give you more than you can handle?
How about asking the parents of a 4 year old with terminal cancer how they feel about that?
People amaze me sometimes.
I think it's called brainwash?
They are adults and can handle it. After all, this is the tradition
with your husband's family. If they don't want to go, then let them stay home. Surely they were aware this is what your husband's family does on Christmas Eve before inviting themselves to spend the night. Don't ruin family time with your family and your husband's family.
How do you handle being jealous of stepkids?
Big problem, girls! I have a stepdaughter that I am so jealous of I cannot see straight most of the time when she is here. The child is 9 years old and has her daddy so wrapped up that when she is here I am just pushed aside completely. He does not see it, thinks I am just overreacting and is even to the point of starting to take her and spend his visitation time somewhere else and not bring her around me.
I do not begrudge her getting her daddy's attention... I just feel that I should be involved more. If they are watching a movie, he loves on her and holds her while I am pushed over to the recliner by myself, when its time to go to bed, I go to bed alone while he sleeps with her and if I want him in the bed with me, I have to wait until she goes to sleep and then go wake him up and ask him to come to bed with me. We cannot close our door when she is here because she will get upset and start banging on it and crying and he will run right out to her (even if we are in the middle of a conversation), we cannot sit together on the bed and watch TV even if she is in her room by herself because as soon as she knows he is in the room with me she starts hollering for him and he runs to her and then proceeds to crawl up in her bed and watch TV with her. If they are going somewhere it is usually just the two of them and I am not invited because they need to spend some time together.
Granted, he does not get her on a regular basis (his fault, not mine) and he wants her to know that he loves her, but why can't he see that I should be included too? He wants me to love her and spend time with her and do things with her (especially when there is a football game on he wants to watch, or somewhere he wants to run with the guys for a little while), but then he makes it where I don't want to because once he is ready for her back, I am just pushed aside.
She calls me "She", not my name; she does not acknowledge me when she comes in the door until he forces her to speak to me; after our living together since she was 4 years old she gets very upset and says that I am not her daddy's girlfriend and that I am just a "friend" and she tells everybody that. I feel like he enforces that idea when he pushes me aside and he says I am just being ridiculous and selfish by wanting him to spend more time with me when she is here. I don't even ask him to forego time with her, I just want him to make some time for me (maybe give her a bedtime and have grownup time with me after she is asleep even?).
Am I just ridiculous as he says, or am I right in feeling the way I do? Help, please...
how to handle a pet you do not care for anymore
In October we got a 7-week old cat from a local vet. We loved her, she was a sweet ball of fluff. She is mainly an indoor cat but does like to go out a few times a day. A few weeks back she started eliminating (both) on my down comfortor, which is a PITA to wash!!! I thought it was just the comfortor so I would just put it away every day after i woke up. I thought maybe it was the litter so I have changed the type of litter I used and that seemed to help. But last night she peed on the bed itself, not the comfortor. The mattress is only about 6 months old, i'm very upset about this!!
Consequently to me disciplining her for this, the cat does not like me anymore. She does not allow me to pet her, she will no longer sit in my lap. The only time she is friendly with me is when I am making food in the kitchen and she comes and rubs on my legs because she wants food. The only thing I did was take her and put her outside when she eliminated on the bed. I use a spray bottle to keep her off of the table and now to completely keep her out of my room. She does not eliminate anywhere else in the house but my bed and the litter pan.
Besides this she plays rough. She is always biting and scratching. Maybe it has just been too long since I had a kitten and forgot but do they normally do that? she is not very loving. This makes me sad as I wanted a lazy Garfield type cat LOL. I know it's not fair for me to expect her to act a certain way but I can't help being dissapointed. She is ruining my bed. I have started putting her outside more but my youngest gets sad when I do as he thinks she won't come back and that is a battle.
Anybody had problems like this? I know there is a spray you can buy so they will not eliminate on certain places but won't she just find somewhere else to do it?
What's your opinion on the Monster handle?
I've been researching steam mops, and this one has lots of good reviews. The only negative that I'm finding is that some people find the handle to be flimsy, and a few have noted that they've snapped the handle when they've pushed too hard. I'm on the verge of buying one of these, but I'd like to know about the handle. Thanks!
If you can handle the rent payment,
then let him move on and do not give him any money. Let him figure it out for himself.
he did not handle money at his last job with a bank.
Just because a person has bad credit, does not mean he's dishonest. He did not bounce checks. He did not live beyond his means. He got caught in a layoff. It's a huge stretch from being jobless to embezzlement for crying out loud. There are many jobs at a bank that do not have anything to do with money.
The way things are going with this economy, some of you might be in this situation. I'll be sure to thumb my nose at you when you start wondering what happened.
My sister and niece
are really cat people, too. They are really funny. My sister used to have one, Luke, a big black cat wearing a texedo, who would every year without fail stalk a wooden Christmas elf we set out, glare at it for a minute or two, then take that giant paw and give a big swipe and knock it to the floor. Every year, same elf, same reaction. What a gem! We laughed til we cried! Thanks again. I am meeting a friend tonight for dinner, and her two cats are the love of her life!
Need advice on niece
My sister has a daughter, 7, with some behavioral and speech problems. In school today the teacher asked her to "hurry up" and my niece grumbled and gave a look. Apparently, on the bus she told her classmates that she was going to "put a bomb in Miss _____'s milk." Those students in turn told the teacher. Teacher responded by telling niece it was inappropriate and that she was spending time with the principal tomorrow. My sister is at a loss on how to approach my niece about this. She is kinda of jaded when it comes to this particular daughter, thinking she's just fine, but this niece has always been violent. How should she approach her daughter (in 1st grade) in this situation?
TIA!
How often do you see your niece/nephews
My brother-in-law and sister-in-law moved back to this state recently after being gone for many years. They have 2 teenagers. All 4 are living with grandparents right now, most probably indefinitely but that's a whole other story. My question is how often do your niece/nephews spend the night at your house? Mine are also out of state so it is hard to say what it would be from that side. I just feel like after having little family here for so many years I am now on family overload. These kids want to stay and be with us all the time. Granted, I understand they have no friends bc they aren't in school yet and they like us more than gma/gpa and their own parents but I rarely say no bc I don't want to be the bad guy but I like my piece and quiet! and of course I like less mess to clean up. not to mention teenagers are expensive. So what's the average out there? Once, twice a month?
My niece recomended something to me that
WORKS AND IMMEDIATELY!!!!! She told me last year and I kept using other things and a few weeks ago bought it and she nailed it!!!
GOLD BOND! 
I got the Medicated, but my sister got regular and she says the same thing. THIS STUFF WORKS. The medicated is wonderful because it instantly cools the skin and NO MORE ITCH. It is menthol, and therefore would not use it on face or around the eyes, but it has STOPPED the unrelenting itch of legs and arms for me!
My niece died from
obstructive sleep apnea at 37. I did not see at my father's funeral. I was not called when she died. My brother's wife called my first cousin and he passed the news on to his mother (my maternal aunt) and maternal aunt called me. I had no idea (being as my brother did not speak nor want me in their lives) that the niece had gone thru so much. My aunt and I went to the funeral home and funeral and the mother told me about what kind of life she had, drugs, alcohol, prison - yes prison. No one ever told me and this was about 3 times she was in prison. I never knew anything about these kids coming up. The mother told me the niece did not have insurance, could not afford CPAP. I would have bought that had I known but like I said, brother made the decision to NOT have me around and I went along with his wants. The only heirs would be my brother's children, not his wife, not ever. I am sorry you do not tend to understand this but this is the case. In the years since 1973 no one from that family called until nephew in jail in maybe 1986 or 1987. I never heard my name called by Aunt on the first part of it. Only sibling I had. I have complete peace of mind and sleep like a baby. After my brother died with his children being 4 and 6, his wife could have reached out to me then, did not happen. All water under the bridge, long time ago.
Oh and the model is my niece....sm
But she is like my own. I have kept her a lot since she was 5 weeks old. Sis-in-law is single and when she would date I would keep her. The child's dad is a loser. He walked away when sis-in-law got pregnant and hasn't seen Addie since she was an infant and doesn't want to even though he lives a few miles away. So I say she is better off without him.
Can you get him to the PCP? They can handle this type of depression most times -nm
:-)
I am ashamed of doing this, but now how do I handle the information I found?
Yes flame away about how I acquired the info. I know it is WRONG but my instinct told me he was not being truthful.
You see, the man I love has an addiction problem. Through our years together, we have gone through alcohol, drugs, porn, and gambling. Each time my trust is instilled back in him because he proves these are OVER with. I STUPIDLY obviously forgive each time as I love him dearly and the guilt I feel after trying to leave him is tremendous, and he is SHATTERED if I ever go...
Well we have been doing real well lately but we are long distance right now. We got in an argument and I know this is always his breakdown. So I checked his email. I KNOW I KNOW... awful. no it's not the first time because how else do you think i knew before... (and knew that he stopped)... and there it was, the transaction approved for his online gambling request.
I was hoping instead of being flamed, someone would give me some real advice. People say you should NEVER snoop and I agree to an extent, but how else would i know if he is LYING to me when i straight ask him about it? He says NO HE HAS NOT BEEN GAMBLING and then i KNOW not only is he gambling, he is LYING about it. If it is a form of entertainment it is one thing, but I am afraid this will skyrocket into how he used to be (he became very much in debt due to gambling, but that was while he was drinking as well, and i know for a FACT he isn't drinking)
Anyways I know what I did was wrong, I accept the fact people will be mad at me about it... but I do not know how to end it with this man knowing that he can't kick this addiction, without telling him what i have done, or without feeling the MASSIVE guilt for finally leaving after so many years.
NO man is perfect, and I am reminded this by my family. This man is a very good man (i know some will say not if he is doing these things) but i have truly felt that he is the only one that will love me forEVER even through stretch marks, babies, and whatever else i throw his way as he has done a lot for me.
I dont know what to do.
How would you handle a manipulative person who threatens
suicide every time you say you're leaving? I have been married, for a VERY long time, to a man who has refused to hold down any kind of job, who is an alcoholic, and who is also bipolar.
He refuses to help himself, take his meds, quit drinking, go to AA, etc. Over this past year, I have decided enough is enough and I want out. I have to think of the kids. I have tried to help him to no avail. Every time we have the conversation about us separating, he gets drunk and then threatens to kill himself. The first time he took some pills, claiming he took a whole bottle, when the truth was he took like four. He freaked out and rushed him to the ER. This scenario replayed again with him shoving a handful of mystery pills into his mouth the next time when I refused to take him seriously. Again, he was taken to the ER by the police that time and then was allowed to leave the ER AMA. Next, time he cut his wrists superficially and that incident landed him in a psychiatric facility for four days and then they let him out. Which brings us to today when I noticed he had been drinking again and still hasn't looked for a job and so I have bought him a one-way plane ticket to go be with his father. He is now drunk, asleep in his truck, and took a bottle of pills with him threatening suicide. I have checked on him and he is breathing and I don't think he's taken any of the pills.
And quite frankly I almost don't care if he has. I'm so tired of this game and it really angers me that he continually tries to manipulate me with this crap! I want him gone. I don't want my kids to see this anymore. I want peace. I want quiet. I want to sit down at my computer and just work without having to deal with all this drama!
So, now I'm wondering do I let him just lay out there in his truck or do I call the police to go check on him and perhaps take him to the hospital? One thing I know for sure, I am done going to the ER and filling out papers and watching him act like a complete lunatic to the nurses and doctors and watching them having to put on the soft restraints because he's a drunken fool! If I call the police, I want to be left out of the loop. I want them to take care of getting him to where he needs to go. Is that realistic or do the police have to talk to me because he's legally my husband and I made the call?
And what do you do with a crazy person who refuses to leave your home? He's not threatening me or the kids. He hasn't hit me or done anything like that. He's just a complete crazy man claiming he's going to hurt himself!
I feel like I'm on the verge of exploding! I want to scream! I want to just punch him in the face! God I'm miserable!
I just wanted to vent for a little bit. It sort of helps me to just pour it all out. Defuses my temper a bit. Thanks
Praying for your niece and family....
Lost my dad to this a year ago, about 5 years after being diagnosed. Blessings and strength to your family.
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