I have a soft spot for this story. sm

The messages you are viewing are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select the boards given in left menu

I wish I could explain this more - (it's probably in one of our mental health reference books!) I believe that no one ever showed her sympathy as a child and taught her to be very suspicious and untrusting of other people. I believe she feels if she shows that she cares, she'll just be disappointed anyway, so why bother. It causes one to put up a wall, just like the other poster said. This really resonated with me when I read it. Because of myself also being brought up this way, it's sometimes hard for me to let anyone else in too, and I have had to teach myself empathy. I sure am doing my best, and very obviously, to teach my children empathy by using life examples and modeling the behavior myself.

I'm so sorry about your son. If you want to talk about it on the board, we're all listening. XX

But my husband was in the military for 12 years, and he was away quite a bit, so I had to take over the finances. When he was home and he was paying the bills, he would get so upset because he felt there wasn't enough money and "where does all the money go?" "why don't we ever have any left?" was all I heard. I finally told him I was taking them back over because I was sick of hearing that every month. I put everything on MS Money, categorize it, subcategorize it, and add memos, so if he wants to know exactly where the money is going, all he has to do is look.

I moved recently, and we brought my daughter's cat with us. There was no way we could do anything else with him. He is an older cat, and they have grown up together. We moved into a beautiful home, but there was no way I could bring myself to declaw him, especially at his age. It just wasn't an option. So, we researched what we could do for him, and we opted to "try" the Soft Paws. Well, they have been a godsend for us.

Some advice - you do have to clip their nails before putting the paws on, so you need a good clippers and need to be very careful for the vein that runs through the claw. If you are not comfortable trimming their nails, of course you could get it done professionally. The plastic covers slip on and are glued over the clipped nails. You do need to be very careful to get the proper size. They go by weight, and my cat actually needed the large - he didn't meet the weight, but he is a bigger cat, and his feet are just bigger :P. If they are too small, they come off very easily, and I think they are uncomfortable for the cat. Also, they do need to be replaced about every 2 months - they fall off eventually as the nail grows out, and you need to repeat the process. We find that it is worth it though, even with the little nail caps laying around on the floor occasionally! :P

My "furkid" adapted very well to the soft paws... so I would definitely consider them as an option. Hope this helped! :D

bamboo is not really a wood, it is a grass turned into a *wood* - it scratches easily (kitty litter can scratch it) and so it's *shoes off* in my house. *laughs* I studied woods for 5 years before I made my choice, knowing all about it scratching easy but since my kids are ALL GROWN UP....no problem here. *S*

For the most part, she blames her actions on stress from her illness. I can (somewhat) see someone stealing to pay bills or to put money aside for savings, but not for a lavish wedding or cruises.

GOFFSTOWN, N.H. -- A woman accused of stealing more than $1 million from her nonprofit employer said she used the money to pay for medical bills, vacations and her daughter's wedding.

"My daughter was getting married; I wanted her to have a nice wedding," said Linda Bevins, who has colon and lung cancer. "I had nothing, it all went to cancer. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to have a good life. I wanted my husband to have peace of mind."

Bevins was fired in June from her job as a payroll supervisor for the Crotched Mountain Foundation, which runs a disabilities rehabilitation center in Greenfield. She, her husband, and daughter now are being sued by the foundation. A criminal investigation is also going on.

Bevins was diagnosed with colon cancer in 1999 and took a job as a payroll specialist with Crotched Mountain in 2001 to help pay her medical bills; she was promoted to supervisor a year later. She told the New Hampshire Sunday News she began taking money in 2004 after doctors told her the cancer had spread to her liver, and the prognosis was not good.

Bevins said she's not certain how much money she took, but doesn't dispute Crotched Mountain's estimate of $1.3 million. She said at least $200,000 went to medical bills for her cancer treatments and another chunk paid for her daughter's wedding, which included a custom-made wedding dress. Bevins said she also took her family on two cruises and used stolen money to make donations to churches and other organizations.

"It bothered me a lot because I was not the type of person to do that," Bevins said of the thefts. "I would get depressed that this was happening and I'd say 'I can't do this anymore.' But then something else would happen and all of a sudden I'm doing it."

An audit commissioned by Crotched Mountain revealed allegations that Bevins issued payroll checks to her daughter, Holly Sears, and herself, and funneled foundation money into personal bank accounts. Bevins said biannual company audits didn't catch her scheme, nor did a co-worker who helped her with the payroll.

Neither her daughter nor husband knew anything about the thefts, though she acknowledged that sometimes she asked Sears, 26, to cash checks for her, Bevins said.

Bevins said she's ashamed of what she's done, but blames at least part of her actions on her former employer.

As the only employee who could handle the payroll, Bevins said she was constantly on call, even while on vacation or sick leave. She said Crotched Mountain workers even called her cell phone while she was in the hospital, and nurses became so fed up by the they asked a doctor to put a stop to it.

"If I didn't have the stress, maybe I wouldn't have gotten sick and wouldn't have had the bills and maybe (the stealing) wouldn't have ever started," she said.

Mom dying, dad with Alzheimer's, so I'm taking care of both, though my dad was still independent in ADLs. I worked at home so I didn't really work and I was supposed to take everyone to the doctor. My sister had 3 days off, the same time as my son's/husband's birthdays. She said she would come help one day, but that needed time for herself. I'm the one with young kids, I'm the one trying to maintain 2 households and work full-time ....... I finally moved in with my parents, gave up any privacy, spent 98% of my waking time when not working taking care of someone or something. I don't regret it and I would do most of it all over again because I'm a caretaker, but if there are 4 other siblings why should I have to carry the burden. After my mom died I fell apart. I had to put my dad in a facility and my sister said she would take over primary caregiver duties, but she was hit or miss. Her kids were grown and out of the house, her DH was always off playing golf. She complained that my dad was only getting 2 showers a week, but she wasn't willing to go give him a shower. She complained about using all her vacation time for doctor's visits - like I didn't have to either take vacation or make up my time. I could go on and on. They told us in grief counseling that in most families there is one that always ends up doing everything.

The only thing I can say is that when your dad is gone you can seek comfort in knowing that you did all you could to help him, that you were there for him when it counted. Your sister will be the only who has to live with the guilt that she wasn't there (and she will suffer, must maybe not right away). At the same time I think your dad is just thinking about what he wants and I completely understand. My mother wanted to die at home in her own bed, not a hospital bed, even if she was still at home she didn't want a hospital bed, but I also think it puts a lot of stress on you and one day he will be gone and you'll have to pick up the pieces and continue on and there may be a day when you can no longer care for him at home.

I was very long-winded, but what I'm trying to say is don't worry about your sister. Focus on your dad and do what you can do and that is all you can do.

I have a sad story to tell. My husband's cousin's x-wife had an accident Friday night and was severely injured. She was coming from a night out and was drinking and wrecked. She was ejected from the vehicle and suffered severe head trauma. She was put on life support and was found to be brain dead. Her parents had to make the decision to pull the plug. The doctor assured them she had no brain activity and could not breath on her own or anything. So they unplugged her yesterday. This young woman was I think if not mistaken 29 years old. She had 3 children ages 8, 4, and 2. They have no mother now. She was so disfigured from the accident that her boyfriend went in ICU to see her and hit the floor as he passed out from the shock of seeing her face. She never dreamed when she left to go out last Friday night that she wouldn't be returning and she was leaving her kids for the last time to soon find they had no mother. I had the pleasure of knowing this woman for her brief time here on Earth. She will be so missed by her children and the rest of her family. The 8 year old boy is taking it by far the worst because he comprehends what death means and that he won't see his mommy anymore on this Earth. The 4-year-old just knows mommy is in heaven but can't comprehend that mommy can't come visit her from heaven. The 2-year-old just doesn't understand at all. She just misses her mommy. Brief story about what the 4-year-old said to her mawmaw yesterday: They were going down the road and she had learned earlier that day her mama was gone to heaven. She was staring out the window at the sky because she was told that was where mommy was. She was just desperately hoping for a glimpse of mom I guess. Then she said mawmaw that's my mom. And she pointed to the sun. It was shining really bright inside the car on them. It was a really sunny day. Her mawmaw says where baby? She said do you see the sun mawmaw? She said yes baby I see it. She said that's my mommy shining down on me. She is watching me mawmaw. This is from a 4-year-old. Now if that don't break your heart what does? Pray for these children who have suffered probably the greatest loss they will know. And please don't drink and drive.