I have a friend in this exact same situation with
Posted By: KT on 2008-04-16
In Reply to: Need advice please - sugarbaby
her mother. There were 3 of them and they all took turns staying at her house for 2 nights at a time. That way she was happy and no one was doing all the work. They were also lucky in that one of the grandkids could stay during the day with her or, when they couldn't they have a caregiver p.r.n. The only other compromise would be to sit down and talk to his doctor and have him tell your dad that he is no longer able to live by himself and that he needs to be in one of your homes or in an ECF. Maybe coming from his doctor, it would be more effective.
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Wow! exact same situation! (sm)
Same here. Exactly the same.
Wow - same exact situation
Don't tell me... has your husband been out of work too and laying around doing absolutely NOTHING to help out around the house?
I had a similar situation but not exact...sm
when we bought our house 2 years ago. I had to have my office sign something of that nature, but not saying I would still be working there after so much time like yours. I faxed the form letter to them and they faxed it back for my broker's records to give to underwriter. I also had to provide my 1099s from the previous 2 years. On the day of the closing, we had to sit there and wait for them to call my office one more time just to make sure I still worked there, which they didn't do with my husband. It seemed to be a pretty strict procedure but can understand why they would. We also refinanced about 8 months after moving to get a better rate, but didn't have any problems because we used the same broker. Good luck!
I certainly can relate! We have the exact same situation!
Especially since our son started working for my husband, he never has to leave the house. We're back to back in our office. Sometimes I say it's better when we're fighting because I get more work done. When we're in a good mood, and gab too much!
My friend is doing the exact same thing!
She uses her age (38) a lot but if you use words like "uterine prolapse" and "fibroid tumors" they stop asking questions...LOL
What would you do about this situation regarding ole friend?
This is a friend of over 40 years, lives out of town from me. I paid for surgery for a dog that belongs to her son several months ago, lots of $$$ and then I tried for several months to buy medicine such as vitamins and pain pills for the doggie. I have reached the breaking point to where I do not want to do this anymore. Her son is a druggie (but also has a really good blue collar job that pays more than I can make, if he would work) and she tries to play on my sympathy now by emailing about how the doggie really needs the medicine but she does not have the money right now. I ordered the medicine from my vets office close by and I told her she could call them (where she lives, the medicine much, much higher) and I just told my hubby I would not mind picking it up and sending to her (it would cost me around $2.00 to send) but he says still I would be playing into enabling her son to not step up to the plate. The lady I am speaking of draws her social security but spends almost every cent she can rake and scrape together to give to both her sons (they are grown- in their 30s). No amount of my talking to her telling her she is enabling them does any good at all. She told me she even bought the druggie some of his drugs before!! I was floored.. My question is- what would you do, ignore the emails about no money, tell her to pay for the medicine and I will send to her or just what? Thanks to all.
This happened once to me. A friend was in the same situation - (sm)
always robbing Peter to pay Paul, never had any money on her, always behind on the bills, etc. She had a big, huge yard sale one summer the money from which was going to get caught up on bills. I chipped in a TON of really good stuff which I was going to use for my own yard sale to pay my OWN bills. To make a long story short, she made about $700 on this yard sale and proceeded to buy her husband a bow and arrow (which he has never used) instead of paying the bills. I was quite upset at the time but chose not to say anything. About a year later, after more complaining about not being able to pay the bills she had the nerve to ask me to take out a loan for her so she could pay off her husband's $5000 tool bill. (He worked at some place where the tool truck would come by every week and he'd pick up this and that. A couple of years later he's got quite the collection AND quite the bill.) I promptly told her that I would absolutely NOT take out a loan for them. This was quite a few years ago and they're still living way above their means and haven't YET learned how to manage their money. They eat out, go on vacations, redecorate the house, buy new cars, etc., etc. AND to top it all off, they've done the debt consolidation/credit counseling thing TWICE. Let the counseling service lower their interest rates, paid off the bills, and then racked them right back up again.
Granted, as I write this my situation isn't EXACTLY the same because I didn't actually have to shell out any money but my point it if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile and learn who they can walk on. My friend and her DH have walked on everybody BUT me because I saw it coming and nipped it in the bud early.
a friend's b/friend died last year, drank, took vicodin...
Not sure of exact recipe, but here: (sm)
Scoop out seeds & gunk of a pie pumpkin, keeping lid to use later. Use apple slices, raisins /cranberries/other dried fruit, walnuts (or other nuts of your choice) to fill pumpkin along with brown sugar, butter, and a little cinnamon. Bake at 450 degrees until you can easily poke through the pumpkin flesh inside. You may want to wait and put the lid in partway through baking, so it doesn't dry out and shrink. Serve in the pumpkin, and as people spoon out a little of the filling they can scrape the inside of the pumpkin to get some of the flesh.
My grandma made this, and she never writes down her recipes. So when I asked her, she said to experiment with whatever, so the above is really only a loose guideline.
Same exact feeling here.
The extreme Christians also changed my feelings a long time ago. I then started researching the facts and theories, scientific versus religion. And did you know that many people with above-average intelligence are not religious based on this knowledge? Interesting stuff. :)
I am having the exact same problem!
I've battled depression and anxiety my whole life. My psychiatrist seems to think it is anxiety as well, but I know what my anxiety is like and this is different. My PCP thinks I might have ADD, but my psychiatrist said it would not all of the sudden appear. My anxiety medicine seems to help some, but then I feel out of it. I cannot work like that either!
Let me know what your doc says. Good luck! :)
I have those exact same dreams...
I was once told that the teeth falling out had something to do with money, don't know exactly what but I certainly have not had a windfall.
Have you said those exact words
to him, asked him outright what is the problem and how you can BOTH enjoy it? Or..guide his hands and/or touch him the way you want. Otherwise I'd say he doesn't care and maybe you should move on.
I was thinking the same exact thing.
The kid didn't have to go to school in Korea to have been taught those same beliefs. His parents could have had that same influence over him or perhaps his own interests in it.
Obviously a person who could do something like that is very disturbed and probably had a lot of issues at home, etcetera, but the other cannot be ruled out either as playing some small role.
No, she did not send me the exact thing,
did not know I would have to explain, she sends me rah-rah-rah all for the war type things which I delete. I choose to read other things instead of this.
My husband had the EXACT same thing (sm)
and yes, it was a fungal infection. I tried treating it with OTC cream but it just didn't work. Finally our NP gave us a prescription for cream called clotrimazole and betamethasone diproprionate 1%/0.05% (Lotrisone) and within 4-5 days it was completely cleared up. She did recommend Gold Bond as a preventative but he never used it. He's a diabetic to boot, so is always going to be prone to various skin issues I guess...bummer.
Awesome! I would have done the same exact thing!
Way to go! You did the right thing!
This house has no fence around it at all, to be exact. nm
,
I have the exact opposite of anorexic
I am overweight, 5Ɗ and weigh 218 as of this morning. The problem I have is when I look in the mirrow I do not really see me as being grossly overweight, in fact I think oh for your age you look alright. Is there anyone else that looks in the mirror and does not see what you actually are- oh no remarks about getting a new mirror, this is from several I have in the house. I have actually seen surprised before when seeing a picture of myself and basically thinking do I look like that? Thanks!
Exact thing happened to me .. sm
but it was not a family member, it was a coworker of my ex-husband's whose wife had just had a baby and they wanted clean carpets. He had borrowed the cleaner once previously, and all was fine, so I had no problems with letting him borrow it a second time. Well, the second time, he was really slow in returning it, but like you, I never said anything until I wanted to use it and asked for it back. Then all of a sudden, it was *broke*. He said he had broken the upright handle completely off. Well, I had paid over 300 dollars for that, so we asked him to at least pay for half of replacement. He did so, but HE wanted to choose what type of cleaner I got to replace it, which was a much cheaper model. I said no. Needless to say, we were no longer friends after that. In my opinion, you just can't let this go. Carpet shampooers are not cheap and if she broke it, she should pay for at least half of a replacement. Tell her that. She knows she is responsible for it, but she will probably become angry, so it is up to you how far you want to push it. Again, though, I do not loan out anything like that to anyone any more. If they need to clean their carpets, they can pay for a rental unit, just like I did prior to buying my own. No one takes care of your items better than you. Good luck to you.
OMG ~ I've been saying those exact words! sm
Not the OP but thank you so much for asking this question. I was wondering the same thing. But this poster hit it on the nail for me. I also have lost all care when it comes to holidays, gifts, b-days, etc. I get him nodda as I get in return. Don't even care if he goes to any activities with me or not. Better off not having him there. Guess it is time for me to MOVE ON......
Now my question is how do you survive without a companion? I have always felt like I had to have somebody no matter how they treated me. I envy those single people who stay single.
My cockatiel does the exact same thing but
you can definitely tell she is mine cause she also loves to go for my diamond earrings. She actucally got one back into her cage once before we found it. It is hard to tell the sex of a bird like that unless you "ahem, look inside" and I told her (a her in my mind) that we if she swallowed my earring we would find out very soon the exact sex.
My daughter did the exact same thing.
and still does on occasion. (She was 4 years old the first time and is 6 years old now.) The last time, she cut a big chunk out of one side of her bangs all the way to the scalp. Luckily, she looks good in hats.
Your very best bet to disguise the damage is probably some sort of pixie style hair cut. It will also be easy to keep it looking decent while it grows back out.
I found a bunch of sites by searching for hair cutting guide. Hopefully you kind find one you like that will show you how to do a camouflaging pixie.
Here are a couple I came across:
http://www.hairfinder.com/techniques/shortpixiehaircut.htm
http://www.haircuttingguide.com/short.htm
Kristen Nicole to be exact. I love that. Or
x
Funny, that's my exact same story here in New York! sm
I'll believe it when I see it, too. Also, with the feds, we were supposed to get $1,200 back - the feds said there was a mistake in the filing and now we OWE $1,100. That's some mistake, but we can't find it, nor can the software company that we used!
Southerner too, and I have the exact opposite experience...
I put peanuts in my coke sometimes when I was a kid (at that time coke came in a small glass bottle), but not something I did all the time. It was okay...probably wouldn't enjoy it now. My dad did hunt and we did eat squirrel, rabbit, duck, deer, dove, quail pn occasion. These were not like what was for "dinner" but used when they would have a crowd over who liked those type of dishes. Gumbo (my favorite) also could be made with shrimp, duck, squirrel, turkey whereas the quali and dove were used for stew-like dishes..and they were delicious. My mother made something called "Court bouillion" made with fish, like a red fish soup ...loved it, but do not know how to make it. My dad would have a fish fry every once in a while and have company over to enjoy it. For regular daily meals, we had the usual meats of beef, pork, chicken, etc. .For us, we had round steak and gravy often, of course, rice for the gravy. And also, our main meal was at "noon" whereas up north some have it at the meal we call "supper". Not to say that all southerners had their meal at "noon" . I also tire of the generalizations people make, but it's only human nature I guess. Also, in the south (Louisiana for me), we called "pop" a "cold drink" or "coke". Anyone want a "coke" or "cold drink"? Ok. What kind do YOU want, Dr. Pepper, RC, orange, etc. ? Funny, but that's the way it was. Anyone in the south remember Shipley donuts? Loved them! They literally melted in your mouth. Wonder if they are still in business. To me, they were a smidge better than Krispy Kreme, but very close. In the South, we called the coin-operated laundry a "washateria", up north it's the "Laundromat". Fun reminiscing.
Ok, needing answers about furkids - baths to be exact
I have 2 boys- 1 has been bathed here recently and knows the ropes- he has a brother who is wild and hairy and has not had a bath in quite some time. Can anyone tell me- (and don’t tell me carefully!! ) how do you restrain a cat for a bath?
People that hurt dogs should be hurt themselves in the exact same way. I HATE sm
cruelty to animals.
you are right, you do not know the situation...
and I did not go into complete detail, but at all the churches I was a giver of time, money, and self. I never said anything to members that would have hurt them in anyway. I was told by one pastor that I was a dying plauged horse that needed to find a field and die because he asked why he could not keep any men in the church and when my husband and I very lovingly explained why he got mad and what happened next got very ugly.
In the last church I was in I was basically running the church for him because he was too busy working his other job and such, spending church money on things other than what he was telling the congregation, etc, and when I told his fiance privately in a very loving way after much, much prayer that she needed to think about her children, as child services was getting ready to take them, he found out and called me every name in the book and told me that if I ever stepped on the property he would have me arrested. He told the congregation I left on my own and he had nothing to do with it. There are many more details that go with this situation, but I will leave it at that.
One church we were stuck in the middle of a church split and were on the wrong side of the split.
I will not go on. But I have tried to be a dedicated church member, doing every thing I could to fit in, do as I was told, sing and lead 3 worship services a week, at the church every time the church opened, lost friends, etc. trying to do what I thought God was instructing me to do and every time I ended up getting so deeply hurt that this last split has made it to where I get physically sick even thinking of going back to church. It is called "spiritual abuse" and unless you have gone through it you have no idea what it is like. I am glad you have a church you like and treats you correctly, but until you have been through what I have seen, heard, and been through you have no idea.
There are many a pastor out there who are independent and get corrupted by the power they have from the position of being a "man of God" and it is scary what can happen.
I will leave it at that, but there are times where Christians need to look at their actions and words and make sure they are inviting people to want to become Christians instead of making them want to run as far as possible in the opposite direction. Just my 2 cents.
Very sad situation......(sm)
I really do feel bad for you because of what has happened. Your sister should have offered to pay 'something!' And since she did not offer, I know that makes things difficult to forget about, but I'm sure that you would have been able to move on. She took it to an entirely different level when she put her hands on you. She should have stayed away and gave you time to cool off & herself time to cool off instead of showing up to ignite the fire. I know it makes you feel bad, but please do not blame yourself for what has happened. Regardless of the quad theft, she was the one who made the choice to physically attack you. She is the one who did something wrong, not you. She will hopefully learn a lesson that actions such as that have consequences.
Give yourself & her some time to cool off. Eventually the situation will calm down. It will probably take awhile, but don't let it take too long...time is precious. My older brother (only sibling) died in a mva a few years ago. We disagreed on everything most of the time. I always think back to those 'little arguments' and I think about how much precious time we wasted on trivial things, when we could have been enjoying our relationship. I would do anything to have him back now. Just a thought. Hope things get better for you. Stay positive. Do your part to try to re-establish peace, but do not feel guilty about what happened because it was not your fault. Hopefully, in time she will come to her senses and will be the one to suffer with the guilt of what she did.
same situation here -
However, we DO have a charter school available but it's a 45 minute round trip, have to pay an arm and a leg tuition, and STILL have to support the public school with our property taxes to boot.
Our migrant student to teacher ratio in our district is current 1 teacher to 6 students. Regular class ratio is 1 teacher to 31 students. Nice huh.
Not exactly the same situation
but a hospital I worked at went belly up and we went to work that morning and by 2 p.m. we were out of jobs. Not only that, but this was on a payday and our checks were not there and were not going to be coming. Then on top of that I find out that while we all thought the owner had been keeping up on our insurance he had not been and for the previous 2 months we didn't really have insurance, so all the tests and stuff I had during that time I had to pay for. And there was no Cobra to keep it going because there was no company anymore. It was a nightmare, and I already was juggling bills and I just got into a state of despair where I would quit even answering the phone. It took quite a bit to dig myself out of that pit, and still my credit sucks probably worse than yours- I couldn't even get a secured credit card 6 months ago. Dont know about now.
I'm in the same situation
I'm postmenopausal for 4 years now and started having trouble with the sleep pattern during menopause. I thought it would go back to normal after the menopause completed, but according to my doctor, it can take 10 to 15 years for some women.
When I get too badly sleep deprived, I take generic Benadryl - Walgreen's antihistamine, Wal-Dryl - 50 mg and I'm sleepy within 30-40 mins. and usually sleep through the entire night, 6-7 hours. Normally, I will take a 500 mg generic acetaminophen with the 50 mg antihistamine because I have shoulder and neck pain from transcription posture. That is the same as Tylenol PM but much, much cheaper.
If you read the labels, the sleeping pills that they charge $15 or so for, have the same medicine as the $3.50 antihistamines.
Also, since I started walking again about 6 weeks ago, I'm sleeping better.
Obviously you have never been in this situation before
Even though the agency may guarantee anonymity, it usually isn't too difficult to figure out who "blew the whistle." I have seen people harassed and threatened in similar circumstances. If this were a child who couldn't speak up for himself/herself, I would be calling Social Services in a New York minute. But that is not the case here.
It's up to the people involved to decide what to do. You made a suggestion, I pointed out some of the hazards involved in following your suggestion. Two sides to every story. 'Nuff said.
I have a situation regarding my DH's job...
Long story short, my DH has a 2-hour commute (roughly, depending on Atlanta's traffic) to and from work each day. Now, this is only temporary, as when our DD graduates in May, we're moving out closer to his job.
Last night, he asked me what I thought about him taking an apartment on that side of town for 2-3 days a week, like Tues-Thurs, coming home on Friday-Monday. We have 3 kids, the youngest being 8, who is very, very close to his daddy (the other 2 are 20 and 17, so would probably relish the idea of Dad being gone overnight). Not to mention the fact that I work at home and don't have a lot of contact with the outside world (y'all can feel me, can't ya?).
I guess my question is, am I being selfish to say absolutely NO to this idea, or what? I felt like crying when he brought it up; just the thought of him being away for 2-3 nights a week makes me sad. We have a very close relationship, spend all of our time together when not working, and I just am not sure how to feel about this.
Of note: I am not the least bit worried about him *acting up* while he's away. We have a super-strong marriage and are completely devoted to each other and our family. What would y'all do?
We are definitely in about the same situation
My husband and yours must have been separated at birth! lol They sound just alike concerning their sons. I do think that my hubby feels sorry for his son because him and his mom split. I guess that's why he babies him so much. And his son is so jealous over me. I can't talk to my husband, touch him or anything without his son pouting or trying to get his Dad's attention. I want children of our own but I am afraid that because my stepson is so jealous that if his Dad shows attention to someone else that he would act out and hurt them. He's been hiding things of mine and I know he took 100.00 that was on my desk I had laying out. I searched the house over for it and never found it. He just probably tore it to pieces and threw it in the trash because he thought it was mine since it was on my desk. It's crazy. But thank you for your post. At least I know now I'm not the only one who has had any problems like this.
Wow, I'm in almost the same situation as you.
I have been in contact with my high school sweetheart for the last few years. I now live in a different state. We have both regretted marrying the people we did. We both have 2 children fairly young, but we are hoping we can be together sometime in the future.
Anyone ever been in this situation?
Yesterday, my son went on a field trip with the school to a local amusement park. It was a 1-hour drive. He begged me to take his Nintendo DS. I finally gave in and said only 1 game. I was chaperoning the field trip but was required to drive myself there and could take my son home with me, rather than riding the bus home. When my son realized it was time for the buses to board the kids going back to the school, he said a girl in his class had his DS game (not the unit, just the game). We looked for his class, but they must have already boarded the bus. I told him to make sure he asked her for it first thing the following morning.
When he got to school today, he asked the girl for it. She said she gave it to another one of his friends in their class. That boy said he put it in my son's desk. Then another girl in the class said she found a DS game this morning under her desk and that she gave it to the girl that borrowed it originally. Of course, that girl said that never happened. Now my son has no game. He just got it about a month ago and paid $35 for it out of his own money.
First of all, I have already told my son he will not be taking his DS on the bus anymore, period. I don't care if it's an 8-hour drive both ways. He's not taking it. Here's my dilemma: What do I do about this girl? Do I just let it go? I would really like to call her parents and let her know what she did in the hopes that they will take this opportunity to teach their child about responsibility and courtesy. She asked to borrow my son's game. My son was kind enough to lend it to here. She should have returned it to him directly, not give it to someone to give it someone, etc. I don't know this girl or her parents. I'm not sure how well they'd take my parenting suggestion. I'm not looking for them to replace the game (as much as I think they should, I will not ask that).
I told my son he needs to take responsibility for his carelessness in not getting the game back when they got off the bus. He knew he would not be getting back on the bus and likely would not see the girl the rest of the day. I should mention these are 4th graders, so they should have had some clue here.
Okay, so do I call the parents or just chalk it up to a lesson learned?
Same situation
...except I am a single parent. I have a 10 year old who was arguing with teachers and classmates and fighting almost daily. He also started to be disrespectful at home and when I would send him to his room for punishment, he would kick and throw things around in his room while mumbling under his breath as well as blatently yelling at me.
The second episode of kicking and throwing things, I told him to stop or I would call the police. I was downstairs and eventually heard something break. I was very angry at this point. I ran upstairs to his room (wanted him to hear me running) and I forcfully opened his door (was glad to see that he looked startled). Very angrily, I told him that if I heard one more noise from his room, I would call the police. I told him to clean up the mess from the item he broke. He told me he wasn't going to clean up anything. I called the police.
The police arrived. After I explained to him the long list of problems I had been having with him, the policeman gave him a speech for about 30 minutes...asking him questions along the way to keep him engaged. He said all of the usual things that any adult outsider would say to your kid. This worked for about 3 weeks...then back to the same.
After a terrible morning of him lying about something and being sent to his room for punishment, he started the same throwing, kicking, talking back routine. I politely pulled his suitcase into the hallway. I entered his room and began removing his clothing from his closet and placing them into the suitcase. I told him to go put his dirty clothes in front of the washer so I could wash them. I calmly told him that I was not going to put up with his crap anymore and that I was going to take him to the intake office for foster care. I told him that while he was in foster care I would be inviting his cousins over to enjoy his xbox, model cars, CDs, DVDs, etc. I told him that it was going to be nice having kids around who are respectful and appreciative of my love/affection and other things that I could offer them. He did not say a word. While those clothes were washing, I did not hear a peep out of him. When I put the clothes into the dryer, he said, "I don't want to go to foster care." I told him, sorry...I have no choice....told him I was sick of having a house that was always filled with turmoil. Told hi that since he seems to be unable to control himself and cannot disrespect the mother who works so hard to take care of him and tries so hard to love and support him....he has to go. He says...please don't send me to foster care. I told him I would give him one more chance. I told him that his suitcase would remain packed and that he was to get dressed each day out of that suitcase and that whenever clothes were washed he would place them back into the suitcase.
This happened in April. He is still getting dressed out of that suitcase. You would not believe the difference this has made. He still lies and when he is caught he is sent to his room, but now there is not kicking or throwing things...there is no talking back. He just lies quietly on his bed reading a book or fiddling with one of his little gadgets. After an hour or so (because he is taking his punishment like a normal person should) I tell him that he can now come out of his room if he is willing to apologize for lying and admit that he lied.
Long story short...the packed suitcase has done the trick. He knows that I am serious. He now understands that if he breaks the rules he will be punished. He understands that his behavior while he is being punished has a major impact on the length of his punishment. It is sad that he has to get dressed out of a suitcase, but this has been very effective for us.
My dad was in that situation....
Lung cancer, medication was 3000 a month; trials indicated it worked. He was on it for 6 months, out a lot of money and then guess what, AstraZeneca admitted they manipulated the outcome of the study, the stuff really didn't work at all. He died a few months later (this was 3 years ago). He would have probably lived the same length of time if he hadn't have spent the money. The docs and drug companies are out for themselves, IMHO.
I think about it a lot but different situation (sm)
My two children are almost the exact ages of yours. My husband doesn't have the drinking issue but has plenty of personality issues. I think you absolutely should leave, no ifs, ands or buts. I just think being in that environment is awful for your kids, he is saying it is not going to work anyway and talking about ending the marriage. I say if he doesn't change then yes, go, without a doubt.
sorry for your situation. it is a
shame there is so much focus on the gifts. no, i don't have any great suggestions. couldn't help but think of something along the lines of recent (political) emails about spreading the wealth around...(ha!) The only serious suggestion i have is telling them you think the focus this year esp should be on helping the less fortunate, and rather than give gifts this year to each other, that you'd prefer everyone just donate to the charity(ies) of their choice, or instead of saying it as a suggestion,maybe as a statement: this is what you are going to do and hope that they will too (realizing that "charity begins at home"). God bless.
Sorry you are in the same situation
I took her to her doctor and while she was having an x-ray, I spoke with him about my concerns. He said "you know your aunt...I have tried talking to her too but she refuses to listen". She found out I spoke with him and went balistic - that it was none of my business, etc.
We have all tried talking to her about assisted living close to us but she refuses to leave New York and come here to Jersey. She even refused assisted livlng there. She does have someone come in and clean and friends who help her out. She gets angry because I cannot just get up and leave my job to come up all the time. It is a 2.5 hour drive without traffic. Every idea we come up with she refuses so it is not like we have not tried to get the help she needs. My parents are in bad health so it is hard for them to help out and me being the caretaker of everybody without the little help I receive from my brother - I am at a loss. The real issue here is Christmas.
Sorry you are in the same situation
I took her to her doctor and while she was having an x-ray, I spoke with him about my concerns. He said "you know your aunt...I have tried talking to her too but she refuses to listen". She found out I spoke with him and went balistic - that it was none of my business, etc.
We have all tried talking to her about assisted living close to us but she refuses to leave New York and come here to Jersey. She even refused assisted livlng there. She does have someone come in and clean and friends who help her out. She gets angry because I cannot just get up and leave my job to come up all the time. It is a 2.5 hour drive without traffic. Every idea we come up with she refuses so it is not like we have not tried to get the help she needs. My parents are in bad health so it is hard for them to help out and me being the caretaker of everybody without the little help I receive from my brother - I am at a loss. The real issue here is Christmas.
It is a sad situation, however, you cannot
hog tie her and drag her. Maybe you can spend time with her on a different day around Christmas, just her.
In a situation like that, I think I'd have just
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I Am Sorry for Your Situation
you sound like a very caring daughter and i'm sorry for your pain..and your father's. the sad thing is that mental conditions, such as the depression it sounds like your father has, can, in fact, disable someone from working consistently and productively. this is NOT an excuse for your father. if he feels that disabled, financial help may ease his immediate stressors somewhat but don't get to the root of his obvious psychological issues. that financial help might be available to him via the state, and he would need to go through the proper channels - social services - to get it...it is entirely inappropriate for him to play your and your mom's heartstrings. it is also inappropriate to parentify you and to put you through this kind of pain. if he does threaten suicide again, a reasonable option for you is to call the police. don't mention it to your father as a threat - just do it. the whole thing is really sad to hear, especially around holiday time, and i'm sorry for the pain you must be feeling.
I know this situation happens all too often, but
it wasn't my experience, and I know plenty of women who have had great partnered parenting experiences. My husband would have preferred to wait to have children, if at all. I sort of pressured him to have children sooner than later. Turns out he's a great dad. Everything changes, and you can never know exactly what will happen. One of my friends has a very wise father. When we "young people" asked him for advice once about living a long, happy life, he told us simply, "Don't make plans."
I have somewhat same situation. sm
I sent you an email in case there is something I can do to help you.
My situation is that -
I am going to school FREE. I am working 2 jobs (1 part time and 1 full time).
My husband is not on disability - he is on worker's compensation - totally different. He cannot go back to work until the doctor tells him he can and as of this week, he is having a 3rd major surgery that will put him back at another 8 month recovery period and no, he cannot go back to work during that time still.
I know this situation all too well
I have a best friend that has this going on right now. It pains her to no end. Her children get upset and I can understand why.
I am going to give you the advice that I give her:
Grandparents who are messed up were messed up as parents. You can't make them do what you want. Your DH probably doesn't want to deal with it because his parents were like that when he was little.
Anyway, the moral of the story is this: Appreciate if they even come around so the kids know them. My parents didn't for my kids. My children don't have any grandparents because they now are all deceased.
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