I had to place my mom in a nursing home
Posted By: Backwards typist on 2008-11-09
In Reply to: Has anyone here had the painful problem of having to place their parent in a nursing home? SM - Cyndiee
temporarily when she broke her hip the first time. It was very hard. (I had made a promise to her that I would never put her in one when she got older.) I visited her every day and every day she begged to come home. She didn't realize that it was only temporary. She was in a good home with great PT and activities but she wouldn't join in on any of the activities. In fact, she was almost afraid to walk at all. I would go during her PT and encourage her to keep up because the sooner she could walk with little assistance, the sooner she could come home. The PT team was great, too, always encouraging her, and she did her best.
I found out that they had a hairdresser that came in every week and I paid to get her a haircut and style. After that, she kind of settled in a little bit, but still begged to come home.
Thank heavens, she was only there 2 months. I don't think I could have stood it much longer. Then when it was time to come home, she wanted to bring the furniture with her. LOL They had cherry dressers and headboards. It was almost like a regular bedroom.
Mom's boyfriend was also in a nursing home after suffering a stroke a year after mom died and I went to visit him every day. They were not as good as the one mom was in. They would wheel him into the hall and he sat there for hours. No one came to see if he needed anything. The room was awful, so small and cheap furniture with old iron hospital beds. Reminded me of a regular hospital. Talked to his son and that's all the insurance company would cover for him so he was stuck.
As the other poster said, research the homes as much as possible. Go when the activities and/or PT is taking place and just watch. Talk to the people that live there if possible. Talk to activity director, DON, etc. before deciding. Check the rooms. Watch to see if the CNA's or nurses check on the patients to see if anything is needed. Check to see what happens after private insurance runs out; i.e., where the patients go after that. Mom would have been transferred to the first (MediCare) floor, but she came home before that.
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Has anyone here had the painful problem of having to place their parent in a nursing home? SM
My beautiful dad passed away last year. My mother and father were devoted to one another, my mother always "taken care of" by my father in every way, married 67 great years. My mom has always had excellent health, but after about 1-1/2 years, she has deteriorated to the point where I do not know her and I am scared, she is frail, not eating, almost unable to walk, struggles to dress herself or do for herself, will not accept a home health aide, we are trying to cook and clean for her at home but it is getting very scary, she just turned 90 and she seems to be failing fast. I am so sorry this is so long, but it is all so complicated, it is like she gave up the second my dad died. Anyone go through this yet????
nursing home decision
I am living this as we speak. My father died in March of 2007. My mother became bedridden in June 2007. I had hospice come in to assist, Home Health and Hospice to be exact, and they are wonderful. They actually have their own private nursing home-type facility in the next town over. With hospice, on an occasional basis and when a bed is available, they offer the caregiver a 5-day respite at their facility. After momma went for the first time she was offered a bed there and I immediately accepted. The facility is very small and only for the 3HC clientele, with only 12 private rooms divided into 2 sides - one side with 6 beds for the terminal clients and one side with 6 beds for "residential" clients. Momma was able to stay on the residential side for 7 months; however, her condition was "stable" and Medicare would no longer pay the fee. Momma came home after that and I have again been her primary caregiver since January of this year. She is contractured, bedridden, and rarely speaks or opens her eyes. I do have a sitter that works during the daytime hours M-F so that I can actually work, run errands when I need to, and get the kids to and from school because otherwise I cannot leave the house at all because momma cannot be left alone.
I feel blessed to have found this line of work not quite 6 years ago. I have a 4-1/2 year old and a 6 year old and momma to care for so working from home has been a lifesaver.
I, too, made the promise to momma that I would not "put" her in a nursing home and I will stand by that. It's all there is left that I can do for her. Not to mention, the fact that she owns a home and has income from my late father's investments, it would cost upwards of $6,000 per month to have her placed in one, and even though the estate could pay for that, I think it's ridiculous for the type of "care" most of the public places provide.
It's a tough decision to make - even tougher if there aren't funds available like there are in our case (thanks to my great daddy) to pay for the sitter to come in and assist. But when the sitter isn't here, the kids and I must be. For the most part they understand, but sometimes they really just want to go somewhere or to the park or to McDonalds and we just can't do it. It's a huge personal sacrifice for your entire family to make to keep a parent at home. The decision isn't always just personal, though. It can be financial, too.
You will make the right decision for whatever your situation is. Whatever you decide to do, just know that your parent respects you enough to make that decision for them and that they love you.
Best of luck to you honey... hugzzzzz
A local nursing home might appreciate a visit.
xx
nursing home - hardest decision ever sm
I had also made those promises to my folks, Dad was kept home on hospice 14 months, he had suffered brain damage from not being found for hours and was awful to all of us but we managed with a hospital bed, hospice and nurses, however, my whole family fell apart, fighting, etc., until he fell so many times and was so sick, we called 911 one night for help and hospice literally threw us out of the program. You are supposed to call them (in my state anyway) and they will sit with you while you watch them take their last breaths. Could not go through with that. Then we had no choice but nursing home, they took every cent they could get their hands on without touching my mom's and he didn't last long there. The key to those places is to research them first as when they send them from the hospital, they put them anywhere there's an opening and some are awful. So research, visit, check for smells, cleanliness, staff, the usual. If it comes to that, always visit at odd hours, with them never knowing when you're going to show up, that keeps them more on their toes. I brought all the laundry home rather than leaving it with them, as they lose it or in the case of valuables, sometimes take them. It's the worst decision in the world to make and the only way you're going to feel good about it is to research, research, and "show up" to check on them. Sometimes they'll talk you into the "assisted living" scenario, and after they clean out the bank book, they put them in a nursing home anyway, so that's a crock. Went through it with my mom as well, and she didn't make it home, I still to this day question myself as to whether my transcription work was worth it, and I have to say, if I had given it up, my kid wouldn't have gone to the college he went to, many other things would have been denied. You are in the "sandwich generation" between what to do with the parent and if you have kids, what is best for them. It's the worst place to be and only you can pray for guidance as to what to do. Bottom line - research carefully and watch for smoke and mirrors, just "show up" and if you don't like it, transfer to another facility. I think everyone who has posted feels your pain. We have enough with listening to it all day; it's tough to walk that walk. Take care, hopefully you will make the right decision. In some states you can have her in a nursing home and if she qualifies, you can also have hospice go in there for special care such as you desire for her comfort. Good luck, know we are all thinking of you.
We've done that! You can bring pets to my grandma's nursing home on certain days (sm)
You have to go through a little evaluation with your animal, but they have cat days and dog days and you can bring your pets. Walter is a huge patient sweetie - 120 pounds of shiny black fur and muscle - he is quite young and very solid and built. Some of the residents love him so much. He will just slowly walk up to someone he feels might be receptive to him, and when they put their hand out he gets under it and next thing you know he has his big head in their lab and they are slowly petting him, over and over and over. It is so heartwarming when you are watching.... I mean literally your heart is so full you can feel it in your throat. I've had to hide my tears every time.
Sometimes a resident, usually a gentleman, will talk about a dog he used to have with the clearest memory.
A funny thing happened when Walter was getting some attention from a women in a wheelchair and he leaned against her and I saw her wheelchair was slowly being pushed across the lawn.
So excited, new digs at home, anyone ever have a designer to give advice on how to place furniture?
I am just so excited can hardly type. I am getting new tile throughout my home, well the living room/dining room big room and then slate for my master bath and carpeting for my master bedroom. My question is has anyone ever had a designer or room coordinator may be the name to come to their home and tell them how to arrange furniture and items in their room? I have never been satisfied with my living room. I have 2 full size leather sofas, an oversized chair, several floor lamps and I have end tables with wrought iron legs. I have some decorations but if you have this done do they want you to buy other things in case you need to put more color in the room, say for instance a throw, new floral arrangement, and the like. Sure would like to hear from anyone who has gone through this. All this tile work starting next week and should last about a week and a half.
Con-nursing
that's too bad - because you missed some really great times if you stopped at around a year - I know that a lot of women stop when they go back to work - but that is not even necessary - your milk stabilizes to meet the child's schedule. Any other questions?
I was in nursing then pre-med.
My vet always says I should be a vet. I just have time for more school right now but maybe when the kids are older. I think this will be a great way to see if I want to go into people and animal medicine. I get to start on Saturday! :-)
nursing
There is such a shortage of nurses, I say go for it. Both my SIL and BIL got their nursing degrees in their 40s and say it was the best thing they ever did. They work together as traveling nurses now and have seen the country. Good luck.
Are you really a nursing student?
Public health 101 - THEY ARE CONTAGIOUS!!!!! No, they are not an infectious disease, but all you have to do is stand next to a child with lice, brush up against them, brush up against their jacket, use the same computer headphones, etc., and instantly they have made you head a home now!
Obviously you have never had a child with this, or you would understand how frustrating it is. We bagged all the stuffed animals, steam cleaned mattresses, pillows, furniture, washed EVERYTHING in the house, etc., did all the treatment on my daughter's hair, and we got rid of them. I don't think you understand how much work this is, but we did it willingly to get rid of these pests. However, two weeks later my daughter came home with them AGAIN, because that same child's parents simply washed her hair in NIX, did not pick out the nits, and did not treat anything else in their house. This child was infested with lice, and she was allowed to be in school. The school nurse said there was nothing they could do about it as far as letting parents know because of privacy issues.
Out of 24 kids in her class, 16 of them got lice. The only ones who did not were the boys, because most of them had buzz cuts.
I don't think the OP was critizing or ridiculing the little girl, just stating how frustrated she is at the school system for allowing this to happen. She does not need to be in school where she can spread these to everyone she comes in contact with. I don't think the OP is being a pain in their butts, and I sincerely doubt that a family who is not willing to take care of a problem their child has is going to welcome outside help!
I really hope that you never have to experience this, because it is horrible. Just imagine your child knows (and can feel) that there are hundreds and hundreds of bugs crawling around on their head, making them itch like crazy!! My daughter begged me to make them go away, she could feel them crawling constantly, and it angers me that she should have to be subject to this repeatedly because someone is too lazy to EFFECTIVELY treat their child.
Enough said!
Nursing program
I am 49 years old, have been an MT for 7 years and am thinking of going back to school for an RN degree. Wonder what my chances of getting into the program are (I know there's always a waiting list, but of course that depends on the school one chooses too; I live in GA), and how long this all might take.....??? I made As and Bs in high school and aced the transcription program at a local 2-year technical college...................any thoughts? Should I forget about it? I don't want to be unreasonable, but having thoughts about doing something to make more money. I have one child who is a senior in college and have 2 boys to put through college eventually, so more money sure would be nice.
nursing school
Yes, Wellstar is close to me, well the one in Douglasville, (very, very close) is. Wellstar Cobb is about a 30-minute drive, depending, of course, on what time of day one goes. Kennestone is further, 45 minutes to an hour. They have (or used to have) teaching programs onsite? Do they pay for one to go to school as well?
nursing homes
The most popular person in a nursing home is a man who still drives. He has all the widows he wants lined up.
I know they have nursing/rehab homes that do this - sm
My mom was to go to one to get her strength back, do rehab, etc. when she was sick 2 years go--unfortunately she died before that could happen though. My dad though had requested I go up every weekend to help him out once my mom was home (4 hours away), which I would have done. In your case I think it is pretty nervy of her family to ask you to take on this huge responsibility. They should either arrange for her to go to a good nursing/rehab home to get the care she needs, or if they want her to stay with you (why can't she stay with any of them?) and hire a 24-hour nursing service to take care of her, then fine. I suspect they do not want to pay for anything (they see you as free labor), and as she has no insurance she cannot foot the bill herself. I'd lay out for them what your day is like (full schedule) and how it would be impossible for you to do your job (and keep it) and take care of your MIL at the same time. You can always see if you can go PT and tell them they have to pay you for the difference you would be losing in pay in order to take care of her properly (if you decide to do it); or you take a leave for 3 months and they pay you your full salary, see what the cheap skates say then. Good luck.
State Nursing Boards
That's terrible! I'm an LPN as well as an MT. Here in Colorado there is a State Board of Nursing that licenses all nurses - RNs, LPNs, and CNAs, investigates complaints, etc. You might try googling the name of your state along with something like "nursing board" and see if there is a similar agency. Please be careful, and I hope you resolve this situation very soon!
Nursing Patron Saint sm
Does anyone know who the Patron Saint of Nurses is? When I tried googling it there is more than one. I want to get my daughter a medal for graduation that she can wear with her cross. TIA
nursing patron saint
St. Catherine of Siena
A nursing uniform supply store may know or have them. nm
nm
by this point, it is called "pacifying" not nursing. sm
one of my didn't wean til after that age and it was the comfort that it was providing and her not being able to fall asleep on her own, especially since you specified mornings, naps, and bedtime. you will have to train him to fall asleep on his own without the "pacie". when mine was that old, i ended up telling her mommy had a boo-boo. yep, sounds strange, but i had tried everything and nothing worked. i had to put band-aids on my nipples for about 2 weeks. she would then try to suck beside my boo-boo at first til she eventually weaned herself off it altogether. yep, walked around with what looked like hickies on my boobs for about 2 weeks but boy was it worth it!!!!! also, try what others suggested and get someone else to help out with bedtimes/naptimes til you dry up.
Hi, Jan; used to be in nursing, still have my books, sleep paralysis....sm
along with hypnagogic hallucinations, cataplexy, and narcolepsy all fall into the same category in Neuro, it is recognized and documented. I will not go into the syndromes here, but if you Google up some of the educational articles from medical web sites, there are tons of information. It is real, and thank your lucky stars that you don't experience anything like this.
Certain drugs CAN do freaky things with your sleep/wake cycles like vivid dreams and such, but it is usually self-limited to the med, and when the med is stopped, the problem goes. I have had some of these syndromes going back to childhood, and have had them documented with sleep study EEGs and such because they were so disturbing, seems to happen in clusters and then go away for years, don't know why. And NO, I am not currently on tranquilizers or sleep meds, I take vitamins and supplements, but someone is not a "whacko" if they need them. I don't mean to preach at ya, here, but feel bad for some of the above posters, they need answers and compassion.
Buy a home of my own - not a palace, but more of a smallish home on a large piece of land. (nm)
.
Anyone move from a single family home to mobile home? sm
I own and live in a house in a midwest city in a bad neighborhood (wasn't that bad 11 years ago). I spent the day waiting for the plumber to come and jackhammer the foundation (slab house, no basement) to find a leaky pipe that is flooding my DD's bedroom. Last week, it was the electrician with quotes for costly repairs.
In the meantime, I've really been thinking about selling out and moving into a mobile home. Has anyone done this before? Is a mobile home in a decent park less of a hassle than a regular house? I'm so tired of cutting the grass and spending $$ to fix things and tired of old flooring and cabinets, etc., that are just too costly to replace. I'm single with no man to do these things for me and I can't afford a mortgage on a newer house in a good neighborhood. Some of the pictures I've seen of the mobile homes look really nice and modern on the inside.
Any advice and comments appreciated. Thanks!
Well I figure I can make my own hours & be home when the kids are home (sm)
I worked PT in an office for a while but spent most of my money on childcare in the summer. Full-time in an office was just a nightmare and I felt like I missed a whole year of my children's lives. I want to be in control of my schedule so that's why I'm looking into the cleaning thing. Never thought I would want to do that but live and learn! Some of the most intelligent people alive work as carpenters and similar things because they have learned what's really important in life. Whew....off my soapbox now :-) Good luck to you!
Daughter just passed her state nursing boards. Whoopeee!!!! (sm)
She worked weekends only while she was in school and had 2 children 8 and 5. Child support was fairly regular to the big tune of $329 a month. She did get state assistance on daycare for the youngest, her friend owned a mobile home and let her use it for free, just paying lot rent. We helped with utilities, clothing, and food. Her sister did the babysitting weekends while she worked and helped out while she studied at night. All in all, it was a combined effort and we are all so proud. She worked hard to get to the point where she can now buy a nice home and support her children on her own. So proud, just had to brag.
I had a fellow nursing student way back with a Jamaican patois who
s
Make sure his Will is made out and pray. I've seen too many people like this in my nursing career
s
I loved the maya wraps. google them and see. wonderful for nursing cover ups as well so multifunct
@
Daniel had a home, a very good home...
with someone in my family at one point.
She met her late husband at a club down the freeway from me. It's not a fancy place, like you say.
She does have a real brother though. That was the connection on our part.
I agree, though. It is sad that all this is coming out the way it is. I believe she was a good person...she just had a lot of problems, mainly drugs. What is really sad is that all of this is going to be seen by her daughter one day when she grows up.
Home Alone 1, A Christmas Story, Home for the Holidays, Chevy Chase's Christmas, sm
There "The Gift of the Magi," He sells his gold watch to buy her a comb for her hair and she sells her beautiful long hair to buy him a chain for his gold watch. It used to be on "Short Stories by O'Henry" but that's long gone, long ago. Good moral to the story. I can't stand "It's a Wonderful Life" -- too depressing, especially with banks closing, too intimidating right now!!!
Formula is an inferior substitute. Criticizing nursing in public only helps the big formula companie
X
Take animals to the Nursing Homes and Retirement Homes and Childrens Hospitals. NM
x
Hear about your perverted sex life along with the perverted 6 years nursing
heavens no. You act like you hold a title for the biggest tits, the longest nursing animal and the x-rated queen of sex, why would any of us on this board care- I am sure lots could give you a run for your money if you catch my drift. Only a person who is very dissatisfied with their sex life would want to boast about how perfect theirs is. You tell me a lot about what kind of life you actually live and it is rather pitiful. Sorry for your plight.
Home sweet home.
x
Home, Home, On The Range SM
where the beer and the cantaloupe play . . . where seldom is heard . . . .
What happens at home stays at home. (nm)
:op
She is home, by that I mean she is 1 mile from her home.
I am the one that moved away. My brother lives there, but she requires 24-hour nursing care right now, and he is unable to provide that for her. My son is graduating high school this year and I plan to move back to take care of her, but I just can't until then. I did tell the adminstrator that they have 24 hours to figure this out, and then we will bring in the police. I have also threatened to go to the media, and this facility has a very excellent reputation and is run by the Brethren Church, so I would think they might not want bad publicity. It is a pretty small town and this is one of only a couple of care homes in the area.
Sorry, don't believe in that place either!
Hmmm, that was a very christian-like post - NOT! lol
she's in a much better place now
and with her son. I wonder who raises the baby.
there's a place for everyone
:)
That's why this is no place for it
I can tell you right now a lot of people would not like that. I asked someone how they would like it if it was the satanic bible and they have yet to answer. Although they were mighty quick to come back accusing me of being a non-believer when they have no idea what my background is. People don't want the Koran or Tanakh or the Jehovan bible (if they have one), the Wiccan Book of Days, or better yet, how about the Satanic bible. No, they wouldn't like that. To them its the bible or nothing else. People need to keep their religious beliefs to themselves.
I think I might have already gotten something to take the place
My husband the other day told me we needed some new towels, others worn. I thought well just let him get those as I seem to always be the one to buy things needed in the home. Yesterday UPS delivered a brand new 32 inch television to me, an early birthday gift for March from hubby. This morning I went out and bought him lots of new towels (and wash cloths also).
In the first place...sm
Sounds like he went to rehab for all the wrong reasons. Namely, for you, not for himself. The only way an alcoholic/addict has any chance for long-term recovery is to want sobriety more than he or she wants anything in the world. You work the program not for your family, not for your friends, not for your employer, but for yourself. Otherwise, he'll go right back out. Trust me on this.
Meanwhile, get yourself to Al-Anon STAT! The Al-Anon program shows you how to detach and take care of yourself and have your own life. It shows you how to make healthy decisions for yourself and not to enable to alcoholic/addict.
Best of luck to YOU.
What happened in the first place??
x
I'd have a BIG problem with it. Not her place. (nm)
x
Yes I would - it's not the teacher's place to do this....sm
shouldn't they be spending time teaching anyway instead of being worried about what kids do and don't believe in outside of the classroom?
Teachers are being allowed to do whatever they want this day in time. My high schooler listens to her biology teacher rant and rave each day about the "evils" of eating meat and she's sick of hearing it every day and is anxious for the end of the semester next week to get rid of this obsessive teacher.
Maybe look for a bed and breakfast place in that...
area. Chamber of Commerce might be able to help you.
Congratulations to her and to you!!! You should place the right arm
far over the left shoulder and give yourself a pat on the back. What a wonderful support you have been in helping her achieve her goals and you should be very proud of yourself, too. I know she is so appreciative for all of you that made her dream come true!
It's OUR place to tell our government that
Don't forget, the government is supposed to be owned by us, US citizens. They have gotten so giddy with power, they have forgotten that. Why else do they write their own paychecks, given themselves raises, and can continue to draw HUGE incomes after they leave office for the rest of their lives, including HUGE incomes for their wives long after they are dead, free healthcare, all the perks. These are public officials. Once they are out of office, they're on their own. We have let them take control of OUR government. It's up to us to take it back. You have a phone, e-mail, petitions.......you get the message across to them. Don't wait for others to do it for you.
I will take more than I bought in the first place
if they don’t cough up the $700 plus Tuesday morning and according to what (if that is the way it goes) it brings in on the court house steps, then I get % and the courts take % but not as much as mine. I can hardly wait until Show-Down at the OK Corral Tuesday morning. I just get ticked off thinking about their nerve.
NO WAY. It is not your place to tell them, let their parents tell them when they
think the time is right!!!!!
"No other place...."
NO OTHER PLACE
By Sondra Stallman ( poetry from II Cor. 5:8)
I turn and walk down a corridor.
Even though it is a strange and different place, I am not afraid to walk it.
There is a deep quiet here, like a hush and a soft sound of singing.
Everything has gone white. I am in a Most Awesome Presence.
There is no time nor space.
The Presence is all encompassing.
There is no “air” as I know it, yet I care not.
I am still. I feel no need at all.
No hunger. No thirst. I’m not tired.
The greatest change within me is the total lack of desire to utter a single word.
My thoughts seem to have stopped. It is like I am floating.
I have always been very conscious of my “self”….my “body”….my “thoughts”,
my perception of things around me! In this place, I am utterly emptied of “self.”
My awareness is keen, however, of the Presence that is everywhere.
It is a Peace so deep it sustains all things that come near.
I feel as if I’ve been shot into the very center of a hot and burning star.
I can feel the energy that is creating and re creating every milli second.
There is a distant sound of song, as if miles away.
Voices that sound like velvet feels
are floating past me.I linger before the songs.
I reach out.
I can touch them with my finger.
I can TOUCH the SONGS!
Suddenly,it seems that the SONGS are INSIDE ME!
The light is bright and deep and all wrapped up in the songs.
I see no one.
I feel only Ecstasy.I know of no other place.
I know nothing but the Love
And The Light.
I Will never Leave.
II Cor. 5:8…”to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”
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