I got it! Tell him 1 more kid will equal a lot more child support after the divorce : )
Posted By: nm on 2007-03-23
In Reply to: Anyone know what something I can make up - for not getting pregnant
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child support
Mine owes over $76,000.
child support
I'm in southern Idaho and I was shocked one day to read in the paper that only 10% of people here who are supposed to pay child support are current on their payments. I knew it was a problem, but I didn't realize it was that bad. I generally think my ex is a selfish jerk, but I do give him credit that he has always paid his child support and it's no small amount ($1000 a month). Sometimes I think I'd rather have him out of our lives and give up the support payments, but then I realize that it's best for the kids to have a relationship with him (unless he was abusive, which he's not, just self-absorbed).
She was getting a lot of child support before and --
her exhusband just got out of the military and now refuses to give her any money. He is in another state and is not working anymore and says he does not have to.
Yes. There is a reason. I am a little behind on child support. sm
So, I am scared that it will be used against me. I get my son anything he needs and he is very well taken care of by the both of us. Very well. I fell on some hard times last year and I am now behind.
So, if I take this to court that will be held against me and I may lose him forever.
I did NOT want to go into any detail with my post. I just wanted to say that i was having a very hard day and was sad about the entire situation. That's all. Thanks for your caring.
Child support questions
I hope I'm on the right board here. :D I have 2 kids and have been divorced 4-1/2 years. I have had a child support order in effect since around 3 years ago, which included back pay for the whole 4-1/2 years. This was for (don't laugh) $125 a month. I FINALLY just started getting this support about a month ago. First, it was $25-something a week and the past couple weeks, it has dropped down to $9.65. I believe this is automatically coming out of his paycheck (this is the first job he's had in forever). He tells me he has a very good job in trucking and so, what my question is, if I go back to court to modify that order, to get more, since he now has a job, will I need an attorney, or can I do that on my own? I'm really thinking it won't even be worth the time and money with a lawyer, but I would like to have it modified, since he has an income. To add to that, I am paying $250 for the kids' insurance, and I wasn't when the original order was made. He also tells me he just bought a house (which is likely baloney, anyway), but if he can afford a house, surely he can afford more than $36 a month in child support.
PS: Per the handy-dandy canculator on the state website, figuring both our incomes in (what he claims to be getting, anyway), he should be owing between $1500 and $1800.
Thanks, y'all!
rant! who's owed the most child support?
mine is currently in arrears in the amount of $23,775 --- he inherited MILLIONS when his father died -- he refuses to work, he's never paid me a dime.... my case worker is attempting to put a lien on his $1/2-million home in Vegas.. Blessed with this child, but sure would like some support, maybe not have to work two jobs...
I'm so glad you're all here for ranting.... thanks, friends.
Of course he should help and he paid child support because they are his kids (nm)
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I did not receive any child support, so we agreed to
split all bills evenly as we have joint custody. That is what our papers say, that we split all major expenses, i.e., clothes, school supplies, education fees, etc.
Good point! Maybe he should have to pay child support!
!
Child support - must depend on state, my
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Update traffic court/child support
Well, I managed to make it to family court yesterday and back home while flying low :) My son-in-law walked out 5 months in arrears and next payment due 3/1, already in debt for about 2 grand, plus he has to pay for the DNA test (99.999% - ha, didn't need Maury after all!) My daughter is $1500 in arrears with another payment due 3/1, and her order has been moved over into the category to take any Federal Income Tax refunds she gets in the future to be applied to the order. So now, finally, I should have no further court appearances unless the two want to TPR (terminpate parental rights) and let me adopt. The next step for my daughter is jail if she doesn't pay in March, so she is already making noises she might let me adopt. The dud has wanted to me to adopt her all along to avoid CS.
I went to municipal court and had the arrest warrant removed and was given another 2 months to pay the s-t-u-p-i-d ticket. I asked whether the judge would accept that I corrected the tag problem the next day and was told no. If it was expired at the time the ticket was written, then they do not make exceptions. I checked our local newspaper and the city hired 11 new officers in 2006 for the specific purpose of enforcing vehicle/driving codes in the city. They have increased the number of traffic-related tickets issued to almost 18,000 in 2006, up from less than 8,000 in 2004. Now I just have to remember to pay it, but did buy a new day planner today and have written 3 reminders to myself to pay it on time 
On another note, as I have no health insurance and need certain maintenance medications (almost $1000) a month, I found needymeds.com. I have already received a 3-month supply of one drug and will be receiving another each month shipped to my doctor's office. The manufacturers help people who fall between the cracks by providing free medications.
I feel a lot better about things. 
Don't you watch Judge Judy? Being behind in child support sm
does not disqualify you from seeing your children. It's true! LOL
Child support is a separate issue from visitation. nm
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Child support works by you supplying info to them
You need to contact the state - to supply where the other parent works....they don't track 'em down - you have to supply the info and everytime the other parent changes jobs, you have to call CS and supply them with the new info. Believe me, I did this from the time my child was 9 until 18......
You supply the info and you keep on CS behinds..........don't know what state you live in but in the 21st Century here in the USA - they are gunning for deadbeat parents
AND I live in a huge metropolitan area where said CS was gotten from...20 million people in my state......
If father thought child support was not being spent
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A father can still be in child's life after divorce. I feel it's
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Posters are correct, child support diff from visitation
Just because a parent is behind on child support does NOT mean you lost your visitation rights, even if you went to court and tried making restitution. What the courts might do is GARNISH your salary (if employed) with some going towards back child support. I am not sure if all states are the same, but I would think they are on this subject, but again, I'm not sure. Florida works this way though, this I can assure you.
We are all equal. You are no better than anyone else, and no one else is any better than you.
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Army does not always equal
Though I completely understand where you're coming from. Hear her out about the complete plan of what she wants to do. She could go as non-combat, right? Be proud of her for making such a mature decision.
Equal treatment
I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced as a girl until I was 12. My mother's reason was that I was too young to take care of them. Since boys mature slower than girls, I think 13 is perfectly reasonable. Also I don't know your son's interests but make sure he understands that some sports will require him to take it out to play.
IQ does not equal happiness
I've known other brilliant people who indulged in self-destruction. There have been studies that suggest the smarter you are the less happy you are, and there may be some truth in it.
The first reason for this would be people with attitudes like yours, abc. They hold smart people to the highest standards. They don't allow a genius to be human, but they do have weaknesses. Imagine spending your whole life hearing "If you're so smart how could you, why haven't you....". There is enormous pressure put upon them by others to do something great, to perform mental tricks for the amusement of others, to "prove how smart they are". Some become as insecure about it as beauty queens do about their looks - I remember when I was married to my genius, we watched a show about a child prodigy who could play great compositions at the age of 4. This show upset my ex, I could see it made him jealous and insecure, and nervous that he was not as great as everyone assumed him to be. Just like there's always someone richer, thinner, and better looking, there's always someone smarter too.
Another reason would be lonliness. The smarter you are, the less you have in common with the majority of the population. The things that interest you most people can't even understand. I think one purpose Mensa was created was so that they could find people to talk to on their own level. The pitfall there is most of them are so specialized in their own areas of interest they still don't have anything in common - the gifted musician does not want to discuss quantum theories with the scientist, they can understand it, they just aren't interested in it.
In my ex's case, his substance abuse has three factors - First, he's physically handicapped, and his health has always been a problem. He self medicates with substances to escape the misery of being in his body. Second, he's a classic nerd who never had any friends or a social life. He started abusing substances to try to be one of the cool partying folk, to fit in. All of his current friends abuse substances, but he at least has some friends now, that's how he sees it. Third, the pressure to perform has caused him to give up. He was a computer guru before computers were cool. Once computers were mainstreamed to the general populace, and new software was coming out on a daily basis, he could no longer know "it all". When he reached that crossroads, he panicked, gave up and dove into the bottle to hide from his insecurities.
A high IQ is often just as much a curse as a blessing. I am assuming the reason to abuse substance is pretty universal - the desire to escape reality for a while, then it becomes a habit. If a person doesn't have the courage to deal with reality and change their life, they may choose to destroy it instead.
I disagree, more expensive does not always equal better
quality. Especially when it comes to cosmetics.
Instead of buying expensive creams containing cucumber extract, just put a cucumber on your face! Works equally
and even better!
Well, any healthy relationship should be close to equal
My husband works FT and still helps out a lot around the house. I only work PT, so I usually do the cooking, helping our daughter with homework and most of the cleaning. My husband always cleans the kitchen after I cook (and vice versa) though and he cleans the bathrooms. We also alternate doing the laundry. So, I'd say everything evens out to be pretty close to 50/50 in our relationship. We are truly best friends and we treat each other as such, and I would never dream of "serving" my man - that's just a ridiculous statement! I even had that part taken out of our wedding vows! If it becomes a problem where you feel like you're being taken advantage of, then you need to sit down with your husband and let him know that he needs to pull his own weight or you won't be happy. Good luck!
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction
It won't be making any difference. I tried a couple of techniques for my adults and very soon I came to realize they found the antidotes for them. If there are 10 sites telling how to monitor your kids, there are 1000 more telling how to escape it. Down the road you will be pushing your kids to visit those sites (full of porn banners & adult materials) and nothing else.
As an equal partner in this marriage, why is it wrong for me to express my wants? (sm)
You seem to imply that because he wants to live here, I have to whether I like it or not. I have lived here for over 10 years. Why is it wrong for me to want what I want, but okay for him to impose his wants on me?
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
Thanks for the support.
I understand exactly where you are coming from. You don't see atheists walking around and knocking on other people's doors. I have friends who are Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, Episcopalian, Atheist, Agnostic, and even Wiccan, so whose religion is "right?"
thanks, but what is HP support?
i've been kinda worried about this little error message...apprec the info.
what is HP Support
Sorry about the HP Support. It is Hewlett Packard. I was just having a moment and should have just said to email support at whatever brand of computer you owned.
I had this same problem with my Dell computer also and had no clue it was just an update I needed to do since adding security. I did this since grandchildren will be visiting and didn't want them getting into my files, uninstalling programs or anything else; won't have to sit and watch them 24/7 while playing games on one of my computers. Anyway, you're more than welcome.
Thanks . . . for your support
nm
SUPPORT
I barely weigh 110 pounds and that is with my clothes and shoes with something else in my pocket.....You have my support....
support
Whether I spoke or not has nothing to do with it.....when I was 16, I only weighed about 95 pounds..I am just thin, small, petite and have been so all of my life......I was just trying to give support to anyone who is trying to lose weight if they are determined to do....did not mean to offend anyone.....a person can accomplish anything they have their mind set on when they have a lot of support to do so.....THAT IS ALL I WAS TRYING TO SAY......
What do you mean she does not support herself
Is she on welfare? Does she freeload off her parents or other relatives? I think not.
I've read her other posts and yes she stated her husband has a good job. Does that mean she does not support herself. I think not. YOUR OPINION IS INAPPROPRIATE.
I have been married for many years. Some years I had a taxable income and other years I did not. I did, however, support my husband by cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, etc. I take offense to your insinuation that just because someone's spouse makes a good living that makes the other spouse's contributions insignificant. Thank goodness the IRS doesn't see it your way, hence, the filing jointly box.
Thanks for your support sm
The subject just hit a nerve and I think this girl has a legitimate complaint and her Mom needs help. I just hate my new situation, all brought on by switching churches and that's a shame! I love them so much and I think my DIL just needs to lighten up with her new church who are very anti-Catholic. I truly never talk about religion or any private matters, just get down on the floor and get busy playing. There is really no comparison to the OP situation, I wouldn't tolerate that either. Sounds like her mom is taking the Bible out of context - a lot of that going around these days!! God would be very upset with it all - family is so important, I can't stand that a church family has taken the place of the biological family. Nobody wins, everybody loses. The original poster has my heartfelt sympathy, that's no way to talk to kids, they are blank slates and we shouldn't fill them up with nonsense in their little brains. Sorry for the raw edges, sensitive lately.
My support also.........nm
nm
divorce
Been there. You hit the nail right on the head -- his drinking overpowers or affects every aspect of your life, and your childrens' lives. Every day, every minute. Most people can't comprehend the constant stress that puts on a family. He's absolutely miserable with his drinking, and wants everybody around him to be as miserable as he is. Tired of walking on the eggshells and sick of the promises that mean nothing? I know I was! Drunks tell you what they think you want to hear to buy them more time. You need peace in your lives for once. You need to be able to predict what your day is going to be like when you wake up in the morning, and so do your kids. I hope it is a 'friendly' divorce for you. You may hurt his ego more than anything else. Good luck to you. I'll be keeping good thoughts for you. I will tell you this -- when my ex left after 12 years, my children and I finally felt like we could BREATHE.
Just let me know about the divorce! nm
m
divorce
Me, too, Freebie - I absolutely despised the man after 17-1/2 yrs., got divorced. He had the nerve to die 5 yrs. later. Had I stayed, I would be on easy street now instead of wondering whether to pay the phone bill, the electric bill or pay for Christmas or charge it. If I only knew then what I know now - haunting isn't it?
Divorce
My children were 14 and 11 at the time of my divorce, they are now 24 and 21 and are happy productive adults that any mother would be proud of. Not to say it wasn`t a very hard thing to go through, but all the fighting is very hard on the children to. I remember my daughter telling me that if I was to ever take her dad back she would be very mad at me, what does that tell you, if your children are old enough, talk to them about their feeling and fears.
Also, their dad got in their in there head and promised them all kinds of things that never came to past, to get them to stay with him so he didn`t have to pay child support,so be ready for that to, but as I said it didn`t take my daughter long to figure that all out, now she is grown and married and her and her dad hardly speak, which breaks my heart, it not fair that a child should have to do without either parent. Anyway I could go on about this subject all night cause it is a heartbreaking thing for all involved.
But you are the only one that know if it`s worth hanging on to.
my prayer`s go out to you in whatever you decide.
After my divorce
and my 45th birthday, it seems like everything changed for me. Things I thought were important, aren't anymore. I don't care about what I have, I'm more interested in what I've done, or more specifically, haven't done yet. Even my politics have changed some. Life changes you. Its like Character Remodeling as we mature.
I've always been suspect of anyone over 45 who tells me that they have no regrets in life. Have they lived life with eyes wide open? Nothing could have been made better?
In some ways, if you aren't evolving and changing, is it possible that you are not living? Great question.
divorce
It takes time. Be extra kind to yourself, seek support if you need to. It does get better, trust me. I am now in a place where I'm happiest I've ever been. I'm still alone but independent and free!
Divorce
I divorced my first husband when my children were 1 and 3. He was a crack addict. It wasn't easy but it was the right decision for me. I would definitely suggest going to Al-Anon. I didn't make it there until quite a few after my divorce, but it helped me a great deal. Best of luck with your decision.
Shelly
If you are going through with the divorce,
it will come out when you list assests, debts, etc.
divorce
I always think it is funny when women think divorce is the best thing for everyone and will make everyone happy.
Kids need two parents whether you are divorced or not, not a counselor to straighten him out.
Divorce
My jerk of a husband told me I have less than 2 weeks to move out -- that he spoke with a lawyer -- personally I don't think he has, but is this legal? My name is not on our home, but I have my own car in my own name, which I pay for and he has a set of keys-- refuses to give them back to me. I have about $80.00 to my name these days until payday. You know how it is with MT work -- living paycheck to paycheck. What can I do? Is there free legal help for women?
Divorce
My jerk of a husband told me I have less than 2 weeks to move out -- that he spoke with a lawyer -- personally I don't think he has, but is this legal? My name is not on our home, but I have my own car in my own name, which I pay for and he has a set of keys-- refuses to give them back to me. I have about $80.00 to my name these days until payday. You know how it is with MT work -- living paycheck to paycheck. What can I do? Is there free legal help for women?
i need some emotional support
Not sure how much of DH yelling I can take. I work 2 jobs. Yesterday I had to put in 5 hours for one. DH is supposed to help with the kids. Well, his level of helping yesterday was just sitting in his chair and yelling at them to stop doing this or that. He said about 5 times that my 15-mo had a dirty diaper. I had the attitude like “well go change it, I am working.” He never changed it and I don’t know how long she stayed in that dirty diaper but by the time I got to changing her, she was red. Then I went to help my 5 year old with her Valentines. She did 20 Valentines and she insisted on doing them herself. It took her 2 hours but she did it all. I was proud of her and amazed. Dh kept hollering for us to get through because he wanted some Ice cream. I told him since he can drive he can go get it himself. He got mad and started yelling. My 15 MO kept bothering us. I got some toys to try to help distract her and it would work for a little bit but then she would pester us some more. I told dh to keep her distracted and he shouted “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO.” WHY ARE YOU ACTING THIS WAY? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? I told dh that she acts like she is hungry, has she had anything to eat. “she has been eating popcorn all after noon” I knew better than to ask him anymore so I got up and started to go find her something to eat and he yelled “SIT DOWN” and gave me a look that could kill.
I told dh that I just don’t know how to deal with him anymore. I feel he is angry with me or resentful. When we first got married, his Mommy was practically sleeping in between us. She balanced our check book, she went through or mail to see what bills had to be paid, still does, she has to know everything about what we are doing. She and dh are best friends. MIL went on all the vacations with us and it was always where dh wanted to go and MIL always loved where dh wanted to go. When I had the kids, it had to be all about her. I told dh thiat if this sick business did not stop, I was leaving. It stopped. Poor MIL don’t get to see her DGK anymore. Boo hoo hoo, (coming from dh and MIL). I am so mean. This is all another story.
One minute dh says he loves me, then next he treats me like this. My family, unfortunately, loves dh. He doesn’t act like this around them. He is no niceeee and MIL is so niceeee.
I have to go. I got to get my kids up and ready for school.
Emotional support
Sounds like you are carrying the load yourself. It's amazing how men are so insensitive and wrapped up in themselves. You basically have to hit them over the head with a baseball bat to get any sense into them. Obviously, if you were working and you have little ones running around and needing care, how hard can it be for him to jump in there and do what needs to be done? Hang in there. Maybe you can try talking to him and spelling out for him what you expect from him when you are working, especially with the kids. Good luck!
Thanks for the support for those who gave it.
I don't feel I need to answer "Jessie" anymore.
No, they will support you in meeting your needs
Some kids just need to nurse longer than others. Sheesh.
The best thing to do is support him
If he says he is, then he is. Sit him down, ask him what he wants to do about it and help him in any way you can. Let him know that you are proud that he acknowledges the problem. In dealing with my own family members, they've told me that it really encouraged them when I acknowledged every little accomplishment. Just saying "congratulations - day 3 without (alcohol in this case)" made them feel good. But, you have to be prepared to be tough, too. If he says he wants to quit, get rid of all of the alcohol. I, too, recommend AA and Al-Anon. I wasn't all for it when I initially went to Al-Anon when I was a teenager, but it helped tremendously. Good luck, I wish you both the best.
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