I find it interesting that she LEFT the keys. sm
Posted By: Confetti on 2009-01-24
In Reply to: I am a parent and it seems to me... - Kendra
While going against her mom's wishes and going to the wedding was defiance, the fact that she came to mom's work to tell her she was going, then also left the keys to the car at home with the note (rather than TAKING the car herself to the wedding) says something. For whatever reason it was important for her to go to this wedding, and she obviously weighed the consequence of it.
We have ALL done something we were told not to do, or that was risky, or maybe even illegal, because our reason for doing it was stronger than the consequence...and we were willing to accept that consequence, knowing ahead of time what it was.
I'm not excusing her defiance. But I agree with the poster who suggested the plan of action of getting to the root of her motivation rather than ONLY punishment.
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LOL, can't even tell you how many times I left keys in door (on the outside)
and then spent forever trying to find them inside the house before realizing that, oops I did it again! Arrrrggghh! My husband has found them quite a few times coming in, also! :)
I find it very interesting that
one small comment about something can offend people so quickly!
I find it interesting that noone...
seems to mind the laws disallowing polygamy, but get all upset if a law passes that disallows homosexual marriage. Why is it okay to force values on one set of people and not the other? Personally, I find them both offensive, but just thought that many who say that gays should be able to marry whomever they want, do not believe that consensual polygamist marriages are okay. I would think that by this way of thinking, anyone could marry whomever and however many people they choose as long as it doesn't affect you personally. Actually, making such marriages legal would at least cut down on the Welfare fraud, which is the problem I have with polygamy.
I think mainly girls would find it more interesting
x
Down in the Keys....
We vacation in the Florida Keys and/or on Marathon Island every year and without fail we always get at least 1 or 2 resident iguanas. We feed then salad mix, carrots and apples and they will come down when they see you. I did not realize that they were pests until I read the news story about then falling out of the trees. That must be creepy. I added a pic. I hope it works!
Keys
I have another child here at home age 14....I work at home.....so if by chance I'm not here.....he is.....so my other son does need a key to my house if HE DOES NOT LIVE HERE.....
keys
DOES NOT NEED!!!
keys
Your 16yo does not want to live with you and your biggest issue is that you want your key?? Maybe that attitude is part of the reason he does not want to live with you and his sister went along with it. I am no pushover, but I can't get my kids to leave. In fact, my son wants to build an apartment over the garage in a few years.
They will always have a key to my house, they are my kids and will always be welcome here whether they live with me or not.
So it's really not about the keys at all?
If you're there all the time, no one needs keys, so what's the difference if he has them or not?
I think you are using the key as some sort of symbol to represent the only thing you have left to hold onto.
I don't want to judge you or your circumstance, but I really think from what you've said regarding your rapport with both your son and your daughter, there is something a little deeper goin' on here, a little more than anyone here might be able to provide insight for.
Again, I'm not trying to judge, but I don't think the keys are the problem.
Keys
It is not about the keys.....the comment that my mom made saying that I was wrong in telling to leave my house key.....and I still say if you do not live in my house.....YOU DO NOT NEED A KEY.....another post was made that I was saying "MY HOUSE"....it is MY HOUSE....nobody pays any bills here except me......
keys
I think you are right about the keys. there is really no need for him to have one. . I also agree about it being your house - some day he will be paying bills and then he will have a house of his own. . I do wonder though, if there could have been another solution where maybe his sister could have helped him out but he would still be living at home with you?? She is probably going to, at some point, have to do some parenting of a teenager and I wonder if she is ready for that??
The Florida Keys, they are everywhere!
x
re running to get keys
to go outside -- if you have to get keys first -- what are you going to do in case of a fire? If you have keyed dead bolts, you ought to leave them in the inside of door for safety.
dented keys
Yep. Dented keys. Actually gored. After 38 years of this, I probably don't have any fingerprints left either. I could go into safe cracking.
Take the keys to the car (& any spares!) and
let her life her life without a car. Dont give in when she wants it back. Tell her to buy her own. I'm sure that after having to work (and to take a bus or a bicycle to get there), she'll start to see what a handicap being car-less is, and what a privilege it is to have one. And if she buys one with her own hard-earned money, she'll begin to realize how generous you had been by letting her use yours.
Keys and kids...ugggg
I cannot count the number of times my son locked his keys in his car or lost his keys. Sometimes teenagers' head are stuck where the sun doesn't shine. How he maintains a 4.0 average pre-med, but cannot hold on to his keys is beyond me. I guess they grow out of it. When I first got my license, I not only locked my keys in the car, but left it running. Live and learn. 
I had keys to the roof of the bldg....sm
I was given keys to the roof of my building (because I was so chunky I didn't want to do this walking on the street/sidewalks of my complex) and I started by trying to do one entire perimeter of the roof (which is HUGE - like 2 roofs in one, 29 apartments to a floor....HUGE roof (built in the 70s)....
So, I did this everyday until I could do the perimeter of this entire roof 10-15 times - it took 6 weeks to get there *lol*
What I did do was put Tina Turner's cassette into a Walkman (her album called SIMPLY THE BEST) and that, in and of itself, was SO MOTIVATING.
And again, if you saw my other post, I kept counting calories, keeping them to 1000 or under per day. Sort of like a crash diet. *laughs*...I had to do this - because I'm diabetic.....among other diagnoses.
Best of luck!!!
Keys - Son - Living with Daughter
However, why post if you were wrong and then defend yourself to the opinions that were posted???? I don't get it. My parents had an open door policy. No matter what, they stuck by my decisions. I moved out twice and moved back in before getting married when apartment life did not work out for whatever reason. I did not move out when I was 16 though as my parents were responsible for me until I was 18. Once I turned 18, they still let me move in and out and I also always had a key. I had a key to the house they lived in, and then I had a key to my Mom's independent living apartment after she sold our family home when our Dad passed away.
I think there are more issues here than you want to admit. I think if you tried counseling instead of arguing with your son about a key, then you may get to the root of the problem. The fact that you won't allow him access to your home symbolizes that you don't want him around unless you are home. You are now telling him that his home is no longer his home by taking the key away.
I think that it is just understood that once one moves out on their own that the original home is not their home, but they are still welcome. I don't think you want to welcome him into what you are calling your home.
When we bought our first home and had children, we became a team. We are a family and even though my husband and I pay the bills, we do tell our children that this is "our" home. They help with chores and that's the best they can do.
I don't want to go on and on, and I'm not bashing you here. I just think you may want to consider some help from something other than this board. You may want to try a church or a counselor to help you with your teenager. I'm sure none of us here are saints by no means and we need to support one another here.
My Mom used to say "You are born, but you're not dead yet." In other words, anyone here can state their opinions on the rearing of their own children, but not until you die can you say "that never happened to me"! My Mom would say this when I would give judgemental remarks of others. This was to open my eyes to the fact that the very same thing I am talking about could happen to me!
Lots of luck and love to you! I certainly hope there is a way to keep an even ground with your son. Blood is thicker than water...
In case of a fire and no keys
I would go through the window but not in a situation like this, different case altogether.
Not only have some of the letters worn off, but I have made dents into the keys. sm
My husband saw my keyboard one time and couldn't use it because he didn't know the location of the missing letters.
why is the space bar on the keyboard so long as opposed to other keys? nm
$$
Find a lawyer, find out where you would stand - sm
in the event of a divorce/separation, regarding custody, house, etc. Custody was my main concern as well since I lied on numerous occasions about the finances. Where I am I was told that would not factor in to the custody at all. I can prove that I am my kids caregiver 90% of the time, I ferry they around everywhere, help with homework, get ready for school, meet at busstop, etc. I could also point out my husband is an alcoholic, self treats his depression with alcohol instead of getting proper medical treatment, has threatend to kill himself (or me) numerous times (though he always says he was joking and did not mean it.....that is his standard answer to everything, or that he never said that). Now I do love him enough to deal with all that because deep down inside my DH is full of it, luckily for me, he has never followed through on anything he says he is going to do. But I thought my confession would be the straw that broke it all and send him over the edge. He still is angry with me, I am sure he will be for a long time, but is keeping it together pretty well, though he has said the stress was going to kill him, now he know how I felt I guess. I am sorry your husband is such a smuck. I feel like a dog sometimes with the sex demands, have to do it the night before he goes out of town....he will be traveling a lot for work for the next 3-4 months, which I am more than glad about, much calmer here then, though it gets tiring for me but as he is not really helping much right now it really won't be much of a change. As for yours going on 5 day weekends.....have you considered having him followed, sounds like there may be some infidelity afoot, and if so that would strengthen your case in the event of a divorce and custody I would think. Sounds a bit fishy going out until 1 a.m. and his frequent trips. My DH fishes too, but he goes 2 miles from here with one of our male neighbors, they shoot the breeze and he gets to unwind some which I encourage. Very rare weekends with a buddy of his, I am talking once every 2 years, which again is fine with me. Start keeping track of all you do, when he is home, where he supposedly goes, with whom, etc. He cannot show he will be a responsible dad if he is never there or never interacts with his own kids. My DH would probably suggest I take our older daughter and he the younger, spliting them up, he has the same perception, the oldest is mine, the youngest is his. Our younger daughter is much easier to deal with, our older daughter drives him nuts and she is only 10. My younger one (8) knows something has been going one though, and worries we will divorce, which she does not want. She is very perceptive for her years. I hope that if you do go the divorce route, which would actually probably be best in your situation, that it all works out for you and you get your fair share of assets, etc. Make sure before you do anything like that you have all your ducks in a row, so talk to divorce lawyer. I talked to one for 45 minutes, cost me $160 but was worth it to set my mind at ease. Good luck.
Not left to me, just trying to add some help (sm)
He does got to an ESL program regularly at school, but his teacher (and I agree) feels he needs more help. She is questioning whether there may be a learning disability instead of just a language barrier and I am starting to wonder the same thing. I am not in charge of his learning in any way, but I really would love to help him if I can.
Well, sorry but it's been the most interesting
and humorous thread on this board in a long time! lol
That is interesting! (sm)
My son and his girlfriend (early 20s)wizzed through it in a day.
My daughter, who just turned 20, wants to savor it, just like you. She is so sentimental because having just turned 20 and with this being the end of the HP series, she feels it is the end of an era of sorts. I believe she began reading HP in her first teen year, so this book was with her throughout all her teen years.
The other 2 are chomping at the bit to talk to her about it, but she's just taking her time...
Hope you enjoy it! I don't read HP, but maybe when I retire, I'll take it up :-)
Very interesting!
I haven't had a solid night sleep in YEARS. I wind up taking Tylenol PM here and there when my insomnia gets really bad but I'd be curious to see if it would help--price seems right anyway! My problem is I can't get my head to turn off...the voices...all the damn voices.
Wow, that's interesting
and something I never knew. My husband works at a car dealership and we lease very three years. I love getting a new car every three years. I'm due another one in December. On the other hand he has an older car that I'm sure we'll keep for sometime so we don't have another car payment.
interesting you should say that
My sister did this also when she was younger and she has such guilt from it. Years later when she found out she was pregnant, she had a lot of emotional issues; all related to the abortion. I think she feels deep down she was not deserving because of the choice she made so many years before; very sad to watch someone you love go through.
That is SO interesting.
I was born/raised in Miami-Dade. I moved when my son was entering HS and my daugher the 4th grade, a little over 10 years ago.
I left because of the educational system and because I couldn't afford to buy a house there.
When I read in your post that your kids did FINE, I thought to myself, that's because you are probably an awesome parent and your kids are probably pretty good by nature as well.
I'm sure mine could have gotten through it, but I would have been a basket case (single parent).
I moved a couple hundred miles north of Miami, then about 4 years later to a small town in N FL when my daughter was to enter HS, again for educational reasons. Not because the educational system was great, but because of the small town atmosphere, etc.
She did so well and she didn't get lost in the shuffle, although I doubt she would anywhere (very headstrong, vivacious, outgoig and involved). Anyhow, she's about to enter her 3rd year of college with a 3.8. Needless to say, I'm pround. I feel I was a good parent, but I give her most of the credit for just being a hardworker and good kid by nature (God gets the credit for the good by nature part, me thinks!).
I guess I digressed.... Just wanted to say, way to hang in there and congrats on raising kids in Miami LOL. I know it is possible to succeed in the face of a poor educational system, but I do believe it is harder and a challenge. I really don't think all the blame should be put on the educational system, though, because from what I saw when my kids went to school there, there was a problem with parent involvement, participation, or even knowing their kids existed. It started to become the school's responsibility to do everything basically for some of the kids and discipline was more of a concern than education. Which is why I left. My son had a class where 10% was teaching and the rest was the teacher yelling at the students.
And no, there was no spanking there. It was the small-town school that did the whoopins.
Again kudos for getting through it!
I don't get what's interesting or different about that. nm
x
Not at all interesting...
I am so sorry about Gloria but yes, it hurts when someone you love will not accept you. I am taking a chance here but I really do not care. I came out to my mom at 19 as she had gay friends. Her reaction was to drag me from psychiatrist to psychiatrist but in 1975 it was taken off the "mental, deviation" DSM. Even when I lived with someone for 13 years she did not acknowledge it - we were just roommates. She will never accept it and I respect that. We have a great relationship otherwise but its sad to think that she would rather see me alone and unhappy than to be gay. I am grateful though that all my other family members and friends accept me for who I am. It just saddens me that people cannot accept other people for who they love.
Very interesting
What a great way to think about our history. I wish I had your teachers. Mine made it so uninteresting. I struggled through both grammar and high school and barely passed. However my older sister had the same teachers I did and she excelled at it, so I have to admit that it probably wasn't the teachers but me. Just watching the series really makes you thankful for all our founding fathers did and all they risked. Your so lucky to live in Philadelphia. I would love to live back in that area. I grew up in Connecticut so we learned a lot about colonial days and what it was like. Plus my mom taught us all the skills they used to do (quilting, candle making, canning, etc) in colonial days. She told us if we ever get to a point where we don't have the modern conveniences of electricity or heat or cooking on an electric stove we're going to have to know how to survive. I now live in Oregon and I sure do miss the east coast. I think as I'm reading about history now I will think about your comments about putting things in perspective. My DH says that too. I am definitely getting David McCullough's book now and looking forward to the read.
It will be interesting to see what the
investigation reveals. As of yet, they have not found the supposed girl who called in, so we have no idea what is true and what is not true. We have no idea if teenage girls are married to adult men. The point of the investigation is to discover whether that is true. Personally, I think it is best to wait before making a judgment about that. We all know the media is far from accurate these days.
Interesting...
I would like to know more about your gift. When did you discover you had this gift. How does it manifest itself exactly? Do you have dreams foreseeing future things.
I have a friend who has episodes far and between. And she has dreamed different friends of hers were pregnant and she would find out later that they were and she has had other dreams more real dreams of things that made no sense but then later something would happen that was from the dream. Very weird. She was totally freaked out. It happened a lot while she was pregnant. But then after she had her baby it hasn't happened anymore.
Wow, that's really interesting! sm
i have one bassett that is scared of fireworks and i have another bassett very scared of thunderstorms. he gets so scared and shakes, his teeth will actually chatter. i feel so bad for him. i'm going to try the peppermint oil. thanks for the information!!!
That's interesting
I've never heard that done. I'm happy it's on a Friday night. That means no rushing around trying to get my youngest home and ready for bed so she can go to school in the morning.
Interesting, thanks.....nm
nm
most interesting job
was working as a computer trainer. We were contracted to the National Park Service so I would travel around to various national parks and teach the staff. The best time was when I went to Ellis Island. It was under renovation at the time, but they put a hard hat on me and gave me a private tour. I got to go into the holding cells and see the messages written on the walls in all kinds of languages.
The worst job because it was so boring was when I worked for the Wall Street Journal as an advertising secretary and there was nothing to do but answer the phone a couple times a day and type a letter or two a week. I started going to night school and would do my homework all day at work. Boy, would I love a job like that now!
This is all very interesting...
I just moved from near Seattle--across the sound, and I thought that I hated it there. Went to Mississippi and was very very hot for a couple of months and now I am in Nebraska where it is very very very very cold!!! Tell you what--Seattle looks better and better every day!!!
You have said something interesting
I had not heard of the cleaning situation at all and probably my DH has not either. Like backwards typist said, the convenience thing is something I desire. I hate to waste water and from 1 end of the house to where the water heater is some distance. I will certainly tell hubs about this and thanks for the information as something had not heard.
Thanks, that's interesting
I didn't know about the yogurt. I'll have to pass that information on to him. Well...there are sometimes maybe when I might want to give him a pop in the nose. LOL. No bashing here.
An interesting example of AI
See link below.
Interesting
Isn't it interesting they say it may fizzle out and emerge stronger in the fall...when they've said the vaccine they're developing should be ready in September?
I think it's just going to fizzle out PERIOD but the pharmaceutical companies want to get their big money windfall from people's fears.
Interesting!
I will have to put Alka-Seltzer in my list of tricks for this. How did you think (or hear) of that?
I know the acid thing is not supposed to cure it (but only help prevent it), but I swear lemonade cured mine once.
Yes, he IS quite interesting...
... that photo shows up as greater than life-sized, at least on my monitor... In real life, he's... oh, maybe 5 inches long without his tail. And you might not guess by looking at the picture... but everything on him, head crests and all, is SOFT. The only hard things are the claws (which are too tiny to dig in) and his teeth (he's gotten sassy and tried to take a chunk out of my finger a couple of times).
My left toolbar only
has "top" "home" and "contact" I will contact the moderator. Thanks for your help!
A decision on this would not be left
up to me at all. This is not something I put my 2 cents in about. Their parents would be the ones to do this, that is unless the daughter/granddaughter is of age where she makes her own decisions. I have both but someone elses decisions, not mine.
no she's not further left than Rosie....
like most of the world.........*lol*
You left one out ----- NO tree.
x
Sounds like somebody was PO'd to be left - sm
at home. If we leave them inside we gate the dogs into our dining room and utility room (the 2 rooms are connected) so they have 2 rooms to hang in and nothing of any consequence if they decide to chew. Luckily they don't chew on furniture but will rip up what is handy within their reach sometimes. Leave lots of dog toys and give them some rawhides and a pig ear. We had a chewer in the past, she ate a couch (down to the frame).....ended up penning her in the bathroom during the day, hated to do it but it was the only way for her not the chew up the entire house, other than that she was a great dog.
I had a dog once that hated when I left and would eat anything he could get...sm
We put him in an old fashioned wire dog cage and he bent the door down on it and then ate through the wall and then on to my moms sofa, pillows, and rugs. Needless to say mom was not happy with me or Rambo! He was just a stray that got so attached to me he would get angry when I left him. Ended up taking him everywhere I could!!
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