I feel bad for you on many levels but your kids....
Posted By: are her babies (grandbabies)....s/m on 2007-03-12
In Reply to: How to compete with a loving doting MIL. - Jeolous DIL.
I do feel so bad for you, sounds like a no-win situation, but I also *read* that you let absolutely everything about MIL bother you and i think (opinion only) that you should pick and choose those battles (little battles) more carefully, trying to see the BIG WAR which I think is what you want to try to win.
I think you should develop your own talents, hobbies, expound on yourself (after your children) and find your own *nitch* in life. Competing (your word used) with a MIL never works. I was lucky, mine lives in France. *LOL*
Best of luck, will pray for your situation! 
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
I so feel for you, I adore kids.....sm
You said the mother was a druggy - was she drugging the entire time while pregnant? See, that's a whole other ballgame I do believe......
your kids are young, mine born in 80s....there was no test before 1990 as I recall, and I don't know about the delivery rooms....I know how I got it (being stupid in my 20s and my husband too - way before we hooked up, like we probably came into the relationship both having it and not knowing it)...it was back in the late 70s...yeah, I'm old *lol*
I can't remember if you said you went to a specialist for the kids - but feel free to email me and maybe we're in the same area and I could recommend ONE person to you...who is the finest in this field in this area.....as I would believe them seeing a specialist now would be in their best interest....
gee I'm beginning to sound like the people we transcribe for *L*
*slaps self*
take good care!!! 
(((don't feel bad we sleep with our kids too))))
comes to mind and fires, we just have a better peice of mind sleeping with them. they have gotten so big my hubby sleeps with one and I sleep with the other!
yes, i have to say it did, but my kids were ready too, so i do understand how u feel
nm
Kids have a way of making us feel guilty. SM
You could start a fund of giving your son money for doing things like helping with lawn work or cleaning or whatever. He could start a paper route, with you supplementing his income.
I'm just making suggestions. Again, don't feel badly. Agree with other poster about people using credit cards.
Kids want/need bounderies. Makes them feel safe
c
This is just wrong on so many levels.
I just don't feel sorry for people who get involved in stupid situations like that. I'm not even going to comment further on the stupidity of this.
ammonia levels
Does anybody know what causes a person to have high ammonia levels in their blood? What is the treatment for this?
crime comes from all socioeconomic levels....
white-collar crime has been around for generations...
nothing shocks me anymore.........
illegal. it's disgusting all around on so many levels.
a
Let me clearly state that this is abuse on many levels.
I'm another one who has BTDT...17 years ago, but when I read something like this, it seems like it was last week.
I remember exactly what my state of mind was when I finally was able to realize I had reached the end of my rope. That alone took me 10 years to figure out. I was overwhelmed with what lay beyond the escape I could not imagine being able to engineer. The fear was paralyzing. It would have been nice to have help and support, but I was so ashamed that I could not seek it or accept it. I ended up learning how to take my anger and turn it inside out. I transformed it into self-empowerment.
I am sure there are plenty of people who would like to help. You just may not know who they are or how to find them, but they're out there. Everybody's situation is different. It would be helpful to know where you live (town or city and state). I would be more than happy to help you gather some information, but need to know the geography.
Also, what kind of support system do you have beyond your household? How many kids? What about friends and family? Any possibility of staying with them, or would you feel safer being in a location your husband does not know about? If you are an MT, your job is portable....a huge help in this circumstance.
Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with and see what we can help you come up with. This kind of thing probably has a better outcome if you have a plan (especially in view of your children and their schooling), but even without one, it can be done.
Let me be the first to assure you, life is really sweet once you get yourself and your kids to the other side.
Prior progesterone levels were perfect...sm
so that's part of the "how did this happen?" question. These are the only 2 times I've been pregnant. With the first pregnancy we never had a heartbeat registered on sonogram. I'll know more in a couple of hours today what the end results of the labs are.
Netflix is great, many different levels of membership
some as low as 9.99 per month. Check it out.
Time to get the thyroid and hormone levels checked AND
s
if the sonogram was not wrong, for the future you may want to get your hormone levels checked. sm
a lot of times when women have multiple miscarriages at the stages you are it is because their hormones are off, in particularly low progesterone. if this is the case, in the future it can be corrected by taking progesterone at earliest sign of conception until about 11-12 weeks. so ask questions as to what your estrogen/progesterone levels were on your lab results today. have you carried any children yet to term? wish you the best of luck and pray for a good outcome......
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
Nope, no kids with him, all of our kids are 20 and over.
I would think that some of the $12,000 A YEAR he paid in support for over 9 years should have been enough to save some for college. He paid his dues so to speak, always paid the support on time, had insurance for them, etc. He told them straight up to pay for their own college. Is there something wrong with that?
ESL kids have a label =$$$. When the illiterate kids get a label slapped on them - they will get a
Most public schools do not teach children to read with intensive phonics. It has nothing to do with class size IMHO. The method of reading instruction is what determines if the kids will learn to read or not.
Consider homeschooling her.
Each child represents a $ amount to public school administration. As long as the child attends they get their $. They still get X amount of $ for each year they teach or do not teach a kid to read.
Their compensation is not reduced when they produce illiterate adults.
How would you feel
Let me ask you, how would you feel if you were in an mva and when you arrived at the trauma center they said, sorry - we can't help you, we are closed for Thanksgiving or Christmas as the case may be. We make a choice when we get into healthcare - it's 365 days a year 24/7. Doctors, nurses, firefighters, police officers, military.. all professions that require working major holidays. Usually it's a skeletan crew that works and is on call for Stats. My feeling is, if a gaurantee job of no holidays is what one wants, then one should go into a field that doesn't require the coverage like banking or a private physicians office. Hospital medical transcription has never been Monday through Friday and never will. Think about it from the patient's point of view, after all - that is the main goal - THEIR care.
Been there - know how you feel sm
Honestly, I lost two angels before my firstborn. One at 16 weeks and the other at 12 weeks. It was excruciating and heart breaking. Now, I know I have two angels on each shoulder 24 hours a day watching over me and my family. It is comforting after a while to know that you have these angels.
God bless you and your family!
You should not feel bad at all, I don't
wrong with your response at all. My home is with my family also, but I do think of the small town in which I spent the first 20 years of my life and the wonderful times I had there, especially at the holiday time of year.
Thank you, too. I feel the same. As for
your European anology of family, you are SO right. I so admire that type of family dynamic, and don't understand fully what happened here in America. My parents were/are typical examples. They were 50's and 60's Beaver-Cleaver parents - my dad worked, my mom was a stay at home mom, though it turned out she hated it. They had the obligatory 3 kids, me being the last, and by a long shot. At any rate, they just did not foster a close family unit - we looked great on paper, but that was it. As soon as I was in my teens, my parents couldn't wait to sell the family home and take off for a retirement community, though they also weren't all that social, either. They barely paid attention to their grandkids - just the obligatory gifts and family dinners, where all was so strained and forced. They thought about themselves, really. Parents who put their happiness and interests first, while going thru the motions, though, of being that all-American upper middle class family. So, they sold everything that to me was cherished and headed south to a senior community, full of lonely seniors who chose that lifestyle. Know what I mean? They couldn't wait to get away from their grown kids and do their own thing, yet when the chips were down and their health was failing, they were stranded more or less, turning to visiting nurses and the like for care. It is odd about our society how things are turning like this and the close extended family just is a legend - like Big Foot. I have done lots of social political reading, and there are actually explanations - you are probably familiar, but it was some in governments plan, and they sure succeeded. Now all is backfiring, though. I know then I have stopped this family distancing with my own kids, thank God. My husband and I are very close with our kids, and vice versa. Many of our peers are the same, though most do not have relationships with their parents either. Maybe there is hope, eh? Nice meeting you! And though we differ, we are the same. 
I feel for you
My MIL died of cancer on Christmas Eve back in the 80s. My ex-MIL, whom I loved dearly, told me, "How wonderful. She died on the eve of the Christ child's birth. You can't ask for a more blessed event as she is definitely in the arms of the Lord."
This always stuck in my mind and made me feel a lot better. I'm not an overly religious person, but when I think of that, I get a warm and fuzzy feeling all over.
I hope everything gets better for you. Just remember that they will be going to a better place without pain, sorrow, or heartache.
I know how you feel....
I just got word that my dad had a brain aneurysm and had a stroke. Nothing but worry. Right now he seems to be doing better, which I am very thankful for. I will be thinking about you and wishing you the best.
I feel for ya, but it will get better! sm
I am at about 10 weeks now. For 2 weeks straight, I was taking a nap at 9:00 in the morning! Then I could hold off until about 1, now I can go a couple of days without taking a nap. Take it as a wonderful sign!
I had a miscarriage last pregnancy, wasn't tired and wasn't nauseous at all. This time I am so very tired and so very sick and I took both as a sign that all was going well this time and it is. Hope all goes well for you this time. Take care of yourself and take it easy!
I feel the same..
The show is fixed. I watched last seasons show, and the rivalry was there in the last episode. I will not watch it again. Sam was definitely better - and Uh? how many times has Marcel won? BTW, he could not even pronounce the Hawaiian foods properly.
I feel bad for her
She lead a rough life and I feel bad for her and her daughter, who will never know her mother or her big brother. She will forever be known as a "who's your daddy" baby because of ghouls who can't mind their own business. I hope Anna is finally at peace.
yep - sure feel the same way!!!
I, too, remember all the lyrics (or most of them).......GREAT GREAT MEMORIES!!! :)
That is how many already feel about
abortion being legal...it got on the books and has been a black mark ever since. Scarring. What victory are you hailing? The US is considered evil by many nations because of legalized abortion being practiced here. So the affect is greater than realized. Again, whose victory?
I feel for you
My heart goes out to you. I had an anorexic daugter for fives years which started at 10. She is 18 and is cured for the time being. Anyway you are doing the right thing calling the pediatrician and seeking help. Maybe a professional can talk to your husband. Once you get this help have patience it takes a long time for any results. My advice also would not to find any treatment they offer your stepdaughter. My daughter was hospitalized 3 time, and almost died. You have only a few years to work on this. Once their 18 they are their own when it comes to seeking help. Email me any time. I will be praying for your family. . I am so glad you see the problem.
I feel the same
way. I am getting tired of seeing Lucky so happy about his baby and it's not even his. It is starting to make me sick! I love Jason. He needs to take a stand. Also, I'm really ready for everyone to know who Jerry is and get it over with!
I feel the same way-
II was looking at renting an aapartment where everything is earth friendly and energy efficient and it sounds great but they have all these rules, such as you HAVE to recycle. I do recycle but I'll be damned if I'm going to have someone telling me I have to, especially if I am paying to live there. The little kid in me says "I was gonna do it until you told me to!"
I feel for you - sm
I'm sorry a few people jumped on your case. They shouldn't presume to know your entire situation. In my opinion, you asked a specific question and didn't deserve to have people criticize you like that. I had some issues too a couple years ago - mostly medical bills. I finally got them paid off a few months ago and very slowly my credit score is coming back up. Unfortunately, you just have to be patient, but as long as you make your payments on time now, your score should slowly come back up. Hope things work out. Good luck!
we should all feel the way you do; I know I do
If he is big in stature, as well as being a bully, he may respond better to a father in the neighborhood who may get invovled with him, when he is home alone. I am a single parent and am becoming more intolerable daily with people who do not take care of their kids and try to do the right thing.
oh how I feel for you - and I only have ....sm
I only now have night sweats - and I hate it, every night I tear off what I am wearing during sleep....and that's with the a/c on.....*laughs*.....neck, upper chest area is the worst.......drenching sometimes (tho not all the time)....
thanks for the heads-up on the new HRT method(s)....
Do exactly what you said you feel like doing--sm
and then get yourself out of it (marriage). If it has been less than 2 years and he is doing this already, then he will not stop. Do not subject yourself to a lifetime of misery. You stated all the reasons for not having to stay. You will find your happiness elsewhere. Just consider this a poor choice in your early life and move on. Nothing but a speed bump. There are better men out there...somewhere. Good luck to you!!!
You can feel better.
Have you tried talking to a professional and unburdening yourself?
My parents were also distant when I was little, and I confess that now that they want to be all nice and lovey, I think it feels odd and unnatural. I appreciate their fine qualities as people, but I feel like when I was weak and needed help, they left me feeling alone. Now that I have a husband, he is the emotional support that they never were. I don't hate them or anything, but I am baffled that they want more closeness now.
No, I feel exactly the same
I read somewhere people ask if she eats, with such a small body and yes, I too noticed that huge head- you just cannot get past that head to listen to her. I turn the television each time she comes on, irritating really.
I really think you would feel much better...
if you confronted her about it. Get it off your chest, so to speak. I know it can be so hard to be what is perceived as mean-spirited or confrontational (most of us hate confrontation), but I promise you that you will get a lot out of it if you go to her and tell her that it's so unfortunate that she didn't value your friendship and used you that way. Make sure to rise above it emotionally by letting her know that she threw away the best possible friend she could have ever had. She's the loser in this, not you.
I feel bad for you
that you have to insult people. you are not being forced to read this board. Like the OP said we do put names on our post. If you have nothing better to do than to look for posts like these and put people down,it does not say much for you as a person. Try to have a nice day :)
I know how you feel!
Today has been a nice break, since it's 88 and somewhere around 40% humidity. It's hoooomidity that gets to ya! I've had more folks tell me that I don't know what heat is like, because I'm from the north. But Philadelphia sits right next to a big bay and the ocean isn't that far away. We usually have humidity pumping over us all summer long. It just zaps the energy right out of you, doesn't it?
I have a friend who married a guy from central Texas. For the first 12 years of their marriage they lived down there, and when I'd visit and it was 100 degrees there, everyone would ask how I was making out in their heat. "Fine!" I'd say. It wasn't a springtime romp, but without the big wet humidity blanket, it was tolerable. They didn't believe me, and my friend told me to leave it alone, "They just don't believe that Philly gets hot." Well, they moved up her two years ago, and all summer long, her husband tells me, "You people were so right! This is awful!" He's always dripping in sweat!
Ahhh well! The comparisons can go on and on, I guess, until someone chimes in from an equatorial rain forest to put us all to shame!
As for me, I live in a 100-year old house with thick walls and lots of cross ventilation. We don't have a/c except for a room unit that we use for sleeping. The last week, though, has been a challenge. Eventually it'll break, and we'll be complaining about snow and ice here! LOL
I feel ya...
Milk here (GA) is almost $5 a gallon...well actually over $5 with tax! Completely ridiculous. Put your situation in the Lord's hands, you'll feel better! Prayers and hugs!
I feel for you!
I first want to commend you for stepping up to the plate and taking care of your stepdad when no one else will. I only hope he appreciates you for that. Can you contact Social Services to arrange for some home nursing care? You definitely sound as though you need some help with his ADLs. I recommend plenty of exercise and time for yourself if you can find it, a good stress release! Also I think a 5 or 10 minute guided meditation does wonders, but I realize that's not for everyone. Also, try Bach's Flower Remedy from health food stores. There's one called Rescue Remedy - a few drops on the tongue and you feel calm and peaceful and it's all natural.
And lastly just remember . . . this too shall pass !
I feel for you sm
I feel your frustrations. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I haven't had any situations similar to yours, but hearing about your BIL makes me angry. Sounds like he needs to be turned in. Is your sister scared of him? Maybe that's why she hasn't called you to tell you how she really feels. Mayb BIL has some control over her. I don't have any advice, but I sure hope things work out for you. Hang in there. I really hope your son realizes that he doesn't need friends like that. Especially the 20 something year old. He needs to pick on a crowd his own age.
Good luck.
Thank you. I need to just go do it. I feel
bad about being afraid to because some women would like to and might not be able to. Thanks again for your reply.
I feel for you....
I agree with the advice to try to talk to him and get to the bottom of it. I know that can be a hard thing with some men. Would he be willing to go to counseling? In the meantime, I would encourage you to find strong girlfriends to support you rather than guy friends. There's a way of having an emotional affair even when you don't have the physical one, if that makes sense. So it could be true that you're actually both distant right now.
I've been through divorce, and it's a very painful road for you and the kids. Yes, you do need to be a healthy mom for your kids, but that doesn't take away the enormous pain they experience as a result of divorce and the aftermath. You're in a very hard spot with no simple solution.
Clearly something needs to happen, and sometimes things get worse before they get better. I pray God will step into your situation in a dramatic way. Miracles do still happen, so don't give up hope. And regardless of what comes out of this, God can walk you through to a better place than you're in today.
Hang in there. Take positive steps forward. Email me if you ever want to talk.
Then I say just let him do it. I would feel sorry for him.
nm
I feel for ya...
My daughter had the same situation in I think it was 2nd grade, had long beautiful blonde hair, was a nightmare, and, yes, I posted in response to someone about this once and some kind soul responded to me, get a grip, it's just lice, she could get it at the theatre or church or anywhere...which is true but not the case here, this was a problem at school that they knew they were having and had been going on all year I found out later. I was pretty naive, had never seen them before, took her to the doctor to find out what it was! He said, yep, lice, here's some shampoo and get to work, got it cut out for ya unless you want to basically shave her head. I got it, too, because I used my brushes on her hair. Like I said, feel for ya, a real nightmare. Had to call the mother of her friend who had just spent the night that weekend and inform her so she could keep an eye on her daughter.
I kept her home and worked and worked and worked some more on her and everything I could think of. Luckily the rest of the family did not get it. Went to school to talk to the teacher, who said there was a problem with a family who had 2 girls, one of them in DD's class, and guess what, she sat next to my daughter. They had been sent home multiple times, too. I went to the principal and had a little conference, asked why no notes had been sent home informing parents there was a problem and was he aware that a school had been totally shut down not far away where everybody, including the teachers and their families, had lice. Apparently, he wasn't? said they didn't want to send notes because of privacy issues. Huhs? I'm not asking for names and numbers!! just to be informed to be on the lookout so we can be aware and get on top of it. After that, they did start sending home notes alerting about lice outbreaks. They also stopped making the kids put their coats and hats in a pile in the gym or at recess and told the kids not to share hats and coats, etc. I started putting her hair in really tight french braids and asked the teacher to move her to another seat. I kept it low key in front of my daughter, she felt bad enough, like it was her fault, and she cried every day as we sat and I picked the nits. I then understood the true meaning of nit picking!
Also be sure to take care of bedding, stuffed toys, favorite blankets, coats, hats, brushes, combs, etc. your bedding, blankets, pillows if been napping or such on your bed or siblings. I also worked on upholstered furniture, couch pillows, car seats, etc.
I feel bad for both of you
For him to go without being intimate for 3 years, yet want to stay in the marriage has to say something. I can see why he would reduce his requests to e-mail; being bluntly turned down day after day would have to tear him up. So then it comes down to WHY does he want to stay married to you? Because he really loves you and the kids, or is it another reason? I would suggest to try counseling again, preferably through a religious counselor. I think individual counseling might help too. You are in my prayers.
I feel bad for him too but (sm)
he has cheated many times in the past, was physically aggressive for years, beat me pretty bad one time, and gives me no say over any of our financial decisions or any decisions regarding where we live, where we go, what we buy, etc. He stays gone for days at a time without me being able to contact him via cell phone. He wants to stay because of the kids, but he doesn't see them all that much anyway and would see them as much or more if we divorced. I really think it is more about money.
I feel for you. .
I wish I had some good advice for you. . I've never been in such a situation so I just don't know what I would do. . I wish there was some way to help. .
I feel the same way.
Britney Spears - who gives a darn. She does this stuff for attention. Same goes for OJ Simpson. It's on the radio too. I heard Marion Jones 5 time olympiad is striipped of her medals for steroid use and will be jailed for 6 months. Why is this important? Don't ask me?
I don't know who to vote for as it's so confusing to me. I just know that it's time for a change. I am glad that regular citizens stand up for things that are important and have laws passed for our benefit as this is something that takes strength.
My Mom told me that the "war" media coverage was never so explicit when she was young and they never showed this gorey footage that can give us nightmares.
I want those men and women back here where they belong. World peace is something good, but sometimes these countries need to figure it out for themselves.
Times are changing. I wish utilities and gas prices could come down just a tad. I think we live in a "I must have" kind of society now and the things that mean the most have surely been forgotten. It's dog eat dog!
|
