I don't let people hurt my feelings any more sm
Posted By: elaine on 2008-02-04
In Reply to: Would you be mad? (sm) - Just me
Was told years ago by a very good psychiatrist that we can control this ourselves - it is all about expectations. We let them hurt us - you had a higher expectation of her and when she did not deliver - she hurt you - so lower your expectation - realize she is weird (!!) that it was rather insulting - but don't let it hurt your feelings - and move on!! Kind of confusing I know - but it works
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Had my feelings hurt, how to handle?
About a week ago my elderly aunt called and told me she was having problem with her scalp, asked what did I think she should do, dermatologist she asked. Told her I would be happy to check on an ole timey medicine to apply to scalp, used for daughter before and worked. Distributor no longer made but phamacist suggested something else. I took to her and did not want money for it and told her so. Today I get the cost of the medicine back and then she goes on to say what a terrible smell, stung when she first put it on (says so on the directions which I am sure she read), awful smell, could not go out anywhere, had to wash her hair, just terrible putrid smell. Now, except for a doctors visit every one in awhile, she does not go out and that is not every week. I did this out of kindness and now I feel hurt, not only about her returning the money but most of all how she went on and on and on about how she could not use. She is not senile, has plenty of sense, although elderly still drives and no kind of problems except I think she was kinda rude to me. Any ideas? Should I say something, let it go, not involve myself any more??
Honestly, it would hurt my feelings...
I've always had a key to my parents' house and if they asked for it back, it would hurt my feelings. It's kinda like saying you're not welcome here. Every time my parents move, they have extra keys made for me and my siblings, and it makes me feel like the door is always open. I live less than a mile away from them, but I make sure to always call before I come over. You might want to explain why you took the key from your son and make sure he didn't take it the wrong way and that he's still welcome to come back just to make sure he's okay with it.
People that hurt dogs should be hurt themselves in the exact same way. I HATE sm
cruelty to animals.
She said she wasnt hurt, GEEZE, done you people read the
x
Morally-wrong things hurt other people. Loving
.
My feelings; people shacking up together for years and years
and then all of a sudden deciding to get married don't need a thing, obviously. A shower should not even be given. I lived with my now husband a while (nowadays who doesn't!) before we married and I also had been married before years ago but he was not....so of course HIS mom wanted a shower. I told her absolutely not unless it was just the immediate family, his mom, sisters, etc, more like a celebration/get together. And so that's what we did. Showers are tacky, period. Unless it's a couple of young kids getting married straight out of the house and that doesn't happen much anymore.
Feelings
are neither right or wrong, they just are, but I don't just feel that way, I believe it.
This was not a small child. This was a teenager. Think back to when you were one. Now, think back to what you were taught as a child. Can you honestly see yourself actually hanging yourself to death because someone insulted you on an internet site? I say there was a lot more wrong there than is public knowledge and the persons who would best (or should best) know that would be parents. I am not cold and unfeeling. I care. I do believe that suicide is a permanent soluion to a temporary problem and I brought up my children to believe that too. I also believe I have a right to my opinion and, unfortunately, have personal experience with this problem having had a relative's child in the family commit suicide as a teenager. I still believe that the parents need to train children from childhood on up about this and many other topics that seem to be left out of child rearing these days including manners, appropriateness, religion, drugs, sexuality, and work ethic. We all need to put more into our children and families at home. This includes extended family.
Sorry you have such a closed mind about my opinion and hope I have not hurt your tender feelings with my front-on approach.
I am really, really sorry because I know your feelings
I recently lost my beloved pet of 18 years but I have also lost animals to parvo in the past, really sad. I so feel for you and hope your heart will mend before long. We just love these little ones so much and does not take long for them to have us wrapped around their little paws. Sorry in your loss.
Why is okay for you to have your feelings but
I'm the one who started the Tolerance thread.
If I don't want to like or condone or support immorality, I don't have to. It is my choice, my right.
If you want to sit there and be happy about it or accept it or whatever, fine for you.
And it's not fine for the schools or government or any other group to determine what I or my children are allowed to think is acceptable or not. That is MY choice and MY right.
Very normal feelings.......sm
I went through the same feelings with both my children, my daughter being the oldest. She had to take a drivers course at our local high school during the summer, then she got her permit. She drove with that for a few months before getting her license. But that first time she went with a girlfriend just down the street to a local burger joint made me crazy. I knew she would go slow and be very cautious, but that feeilng was still there, bordering on panic. She's 23 now. My son came next....he had to take the same course. He's was a little more pushy about the license, but didn't make a big deal out of it. But, unfortunately, within the month after getting them his dad said he could go to his girlfriend's.. it was rainy and I was not happy. She lives on a dead end street which is good, cause a dog ran out in front of him, he dodged it, and ran over the neighbor's utility box and tore up their beautiful grass. He was scared to death. Well, that got fixed and I guarantee he went slower after that. He's 20 now and as I notice a lot of guys do, he drives faster than his sister, but not as fast as his girlfriend, thank goodness!! He drives her car cause he tells her she goes too fast, won't use blinkers, no signals, makes me nuts. But they are grown and made it through those early testing times, and so will yours. By the time my son got his license, my state had graduated license, so he could only drive between certain daytime hours, and not past 7 at night for a few months. Check your state laws...a lot of them have these now.
I understand your feelings, too. SM
Our school district lost 4 kids last year (2005-2006 school year) to car accidents (2 in one accident), and it's not a big district, as well as a young father of 3, who was killed by a drunk driver. But my daughter turned 16 last November and she went for her permit and got her license over the summer. As much as I would like to put all three of my kids up on a shelf so nothing ever happens to them, I know I can't. I pray for them daily and hope their father and I have set good examples for them as far as being behind the wheel.
My daughter also drives a very distinct looking car and her older brother also drove it, so everyone in the area knows who's car it is and the kids know I WILL hear about if they do something dumb.
Mixed feelings
I had extremely harsh and unforgiving feelings toward ANY sexual misconduct/abuse situation.
Then, one of the young boys in my family was found guilty of such.
It has split and torn my entire family apart.
The agony of loving this young man and despising his act is killing the soul. His parents are especially suffering.
Before I was in this situation, I simply felt we should put them all to death. Now, I'm not sure what to believe.
I do believe he should pay his consequences and I am relieved that the court has to do this terrible job. They can be objective. It is harder when you know the individual.
I want him to suffer the consequences of his actions. I want him to rightfully bear the conviction, the shame, the social retribution for it.
At the same time, I want him saved, rehabilitated, redeemed.
He is mortified of how he will be treated for the rest of his life. I remind him that one reaps what they sow.
I have great sympathy for him, for his victims (this was sexual misconduct, not rape), for all of us in this situation.
I'm not sure why I'm even posting this other than remind everyone: The persons who commit these acts are someone's child, too, regardless of age. Someone loves them, too.
I understand your feelings sm
but I say definitely go and enjoy. My husband and I have left our children (now 14 and 16) many times over the years since about the ages of 5 and 7. We could only go on short trips like 2 to 3 nights but I think it really helped them to learn a little independance. The first time my daughter went away to camp she was 11 and it was for 2 weeks. On the second night she broke her collarbone and begged us not to come and get her. Kids don't suffer near as much separation anxiety as parents do.
You know my feelings also, but you get blasted
when you feel like this, on this board you do. Mine are grown also. I think lots on this board maybe with young babies, children and the like and have not reached the point to where it is not as coochie-cho as it was when little. Not a happy ever after type thing. One child self-reliant but into their own little self and the other 1 had to close the bank on that one. No more hearing from that 1, not even a call on Mothers Day. Have not talked to them in over 2 years now and live in the same town. Oh, loved them as babies though. Didn’t last a lifetime.
Yes, I understand your feelings
My Mom died in 1981, my dad in 1984. I was in my early 30s, not married, no kids, all my other siblings had their own families. I lived with my parents for about 8 years longer than any of the rest of them.
For about 15 years, I missed them so much it physically hurt. I still miss them, but I've moved along enough in the grieving process that now I am more balanced about it. I still miss them deeply, esp. on holidays which were always celebrated by the entire family together but not since Mom died.
The emotional scar tissue gets thicker but grief is a life long process and anyone who says otherwise is not being honest. There will always be a void.
mixed feelings
I have mixed feelings on this subject. I think a lot of it has to do with the owners but maybe there is something about the breed too - not sure. But yesterday a friend of ours had to shoot his neighbor's pit bull. . The dog was known to be mean and is usually kept inside but it was out and came after our friend's 2y/o grandchild. He got the child inside and when he looked out, the dog was going after another neighbor's child. He got his gun and shot it. . However, I will say, the owner of the pit bull is a known drug dealer and not a very nice person, so that could be why the dog was so aggressive.
Mine comes from the job and my feelings at the end of the day. sm
I have done transcription and/or typing of one type or another for years it seems. So the MT is what I do for a living (and the way my brain feels) and the "worn out" is the way I feel after doing my job all day and then my 2nd job on top of that.
I understand your feelings
My in-laws won't even do what your family is doing. They insist that everyone should get a gift. Well not even that but they say to just "cut back" which means what exactly???? I don't know. I didn't grow up with big Christmas presents and all that...family and dinner was emphasized. It makes me wish xmas was just another day. We can't afford it this year but when trying to talk to anyone about it they act like we have no head.
If you want to participate, I would do the flat $25 in a gift card for dinner or groceries and leave it at that. How can they get upset when you stick to the agreement. If they don't like your choice, that's too bad. Maybe they shouldn't participate next year if they have such high standards.
Feelings may be temporary sm
We work in a very stressful profession. Just think about it for awhile. I stuck my marriage out and am glad I did now. Sometimes you have to talk directly to the person, tell him how you feel and ask for his cooperation. Truth be told, I don't see any "perfect" marriages. Leave the religion out of it and look at the marriage, the consequences, and where you will be in 10 years from now. Don't exchange one situation for a worse one. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side, but people lie a lot! Think hard before you do something you may regret. I'm glad I stayed.
PS: *Gut feelings* are usually correct in my case! -nm
.
I agree with your feelings, except the PETA
part. That is a very strange organization whose actual weird agenda they keep out of sight. I am for protecting animals, but not PETA. They would have people release their pets into the wild and let nature take its course. But they don't advertise that side of their beliefs. You would have to look into the origins of the organization.
The part about you hoping never have same feelings about your son
I would have never thought in a million years I would ever be alienated from my son but am and it has been at least 3-4 years since I saw or talked with him. He tried and I say tried, to say things that he should have never said against me. I wish him the best but I would never stand by and hear what came out of his mouth to come out again. I cut any and all ties with him and his family.
I agree with your feelings and opinions.
I LIKE MIKE, too. Wish he had a "snowball's chance".
Honestly I have mixed feelings on this.
On one hand...I feel it is your body, you can do what you wish. Who should say what you do with your body. Providing it is willing, agreeing, consenting adults, that should be their choice.
On the other hand...I think some, if not many, who get into prostitution, it is a bad life...they have low self esteem, no respect for themselves...and they are at their lowest and do not know what to do or where to turn. Many times they are so involved with drugs and alcohol, they can not think clearly.
But at the same time...the ones who are "low", are going to do what they can to make money....whether it is prostitution, selling drugs, stealing....illegal or not, they will do it if they are that desperate.
Heck, there are women and men out there selling thier bodies, making good money...or at least money...why not make it legal so you can tax them!
You sound like you share my feelings for
all these wondeful creatures. Please know I said Monster in the most loving way!!! We laugh at her constantly when she manipulates and tells us what she wants! She is bound to get it, too. If we give her something and she doesn't want it at the moment she will throw it out of her beak onto the floor and then sit with her head turned with one eye staring at it. She sings because I sing to her a lot and that is just adorable. She actually puts the vibration in her voice! You are so right on about the emotions of animals. They have needs and wants, and need to be loved and have companionship. I think many times over about her future. I wish I knew you and could work with you in caring for birds. I think they so very special. Keep up what you are doing. You are really making a difference.
she is just expressing her feelings, do NOT BASH HER FOR THAT..
YOU HAVE SOME NERVE !!!!
But you are more concerned about her feelings than the life of your cats
Sounds like you care more for her dog and her feelings than your cats. Sorry if your feelings are hurt for people getting upset with you but that is a lot less than what your cats felt. There is no suggestion you can give her as it is apparent that she will not take them. Plain and simple -- it will not stop and if you get more cats you are asking for it. So either accept the situation as it and beware that it may next be you or your child or your dog or do something about and that is getting rid of the dog or keeping it in a fenced situation.
Because it seems as though you are more concerned about her feelings than the life of an animal
Since you no longer have any cats there should be no problem until they attack a member of your family and then we can go through all of this again. Why are her dogs more important than your cats -- because she treats them like children -- come on get realistic. Not only were your cats providing a service for your family they were older and had been there longer and deserve better treatment and loyality than what you are giving them. Again, since you no longer have cats and do not expect to get any more why do you need any solutions until these dogs do it to someone elses animals that will take action against them or your SIL. And putting them in a 8 x 12 foot run is not that bad -- lots better then letting then "run at large". Again I am just going by what your attitude --not much concern about the death of two cats but really concerned about hurting someone's feelings. Good luck.
FEELINGS. . . SOOOO sick of that stupid thing! NM
xx
This might have hurt!
Do what I do...request a copy of the office notes and the results of all tests. One vet in my area does this routinely.
You mention that your cat is vomiting. I think my vet gave my 21-year-old cat cimetidine and this helped him. Also, I made chicken broth out of precooked chicken from the supermarket with salt added. My cat liked the Italian precooked chicken broth the best! Also, get a tube of Nutri-Stat or Nutri-Cal to supplement her diet when she isn't eat too well.
Is your cat hyperthyroid? She may need an adjustment in her meds. Do you have her blood sent out to an approved/independent lab such as Michigan State Univ or Cornell (there are more, just can't think of their names!!)
Please don't hurt yourself sm
The way you want to lose weight is very dangerous and could cost you your life and/or your health. If you feel truly "fat" and that's an awful way to feel. I went through a depression briefly and gained a lot of weight and felt this way. Once I changed my eating habits and made the effort to read labels, use self-control and exercise more, going to a smaller size made me feel so much better, that I continued to live healthier. The junk food, salty food and greasy food became intolerable to me after that, your whole taste bud thing changes once you get used to eating right. Force yourself to take a brisk walk, you need not join an expensive club, etc. Reward yourself with a nice arm bath, some nice lotion,a new haircut and perhaps a manicure (you can get this at Walmart for $12). As you begin to lose weight, you will feel much better and perhaps your husband will get a "wake up" call. I would just "get up early" and use this time for your personal exercise and "you"time, then he'll be left with the night-time option only, as you won't be there. I hope you can do this for yourself. Then if it doesn't work out, I would definitely seek professional help as newly weds usually do "do it" more often than most and something sounds fishy here. Try being a "new you" and make yourself so attractive you will keep him guessing as to what's going on with you, not vice-versa. Hang in and start dieting "yesterday," you can do it! Lose more than one kind of "baggage", mental as well as physical. You're worth it. Don't hurt yourself, these purging and vomiting things only cause you pain later on and it doesn't last. You need a whole new way of life. There's plenty of help on the Internet for you.Good luck, make yourself absolutely beautiful inside and out!
Would you be hurt?
Say you were out of town with four other friends. Each of the other ladies is TIED to their cell phone for calls and text messages. It is WELL known that you are NOT one who is tied to your cell phone and the group even jokes about the fact that if they were on the side of the road broken down the one person NOT to text would be you because you wouldn't get it for a week and they would end up dying.
Back to the question...so you're all out of town and it's decided that despite everyone being tired, you would all get together to watch a movie. You go to your room and hear nothing. So, you turn on the TV and settle in. A few hours later, you go to your phone and low and behold there it is...a text message to you saying "It's movie time...where are you?" You have received no phone call in your room and no one has come to your room to knock to see if you want to join them.
Are you angry? What do you do? What should you have done? Is this just a matter of both sides not communicating?
Curious to see what you say here...
it does hurt
My ex's mother has just never been the grandmotherly type. She calls sporadically - never remembers birthdays or Christmas. Fortunately, my daughter's other grandparents(my mom & dad) were great. But "granny" just doesn't get it - I think there is something missing in her brain. She even asked my daughter (then 20) how she could be a better grandparent -my daughter said just call, write, send a card on my birthday, etc. That has been 2 years ago and my daughter has heard nothing from her.
You have hurt his ego most likely, thinks that only he - sm
should be taking care of business, or else thinks the toy does too good a job and you will not want him. My DH and I have a few different toys, though we do not use them too much, use them more together than I do solo. As stated they can enhance the experience, try to show him that and use it together, or show him how to use it on you, but if that still freaks him out then I guess that is out and just keep it for yourself when he is not around. Mine would love it if I got more into them actually, just depends on the guy and how confident he is in himself I think.
Ouch! That must hurt. Sorry.
a
Because I'm hurt. She never comes to my "parties" sm
even though I always go to hers (as stated previously before), and so, yes, it is personal. Like I said, I called her to see if she were coming to a BD party tomorrow in my son's honor and she was like, "what party?"
LOL-OMG ouch! That would hurt!! sm
Anyway, I understood what you meant. This denture thing is all new to me. I never realized I would have to learn to eat all over again. It was more of a necessity than an option to get them. I have a full upper and a lower partial so it's only the top I am having trouble with. Feels better right now since Dr. ground down the annoying edge. Have to go back Tuesday and I think he will knock down the other side just a hair. Now, just to get the partial tightened up enough to quit popping out when I move my tongue...... Also, thanks for the tip on the Camphopenique. I'll try that!
I had one 15 few years ago, and it hurt
like heck. I was cleaning my present doc's office weekly (also did his house twice weekly) and he peeked at it when he came in one day and said "Come in tomorrow and we'll drain it." I came in the next day with a lump nearly the size of a 2 walnuts and while I was in the room waiting for him to come in, all of a sudden it quit hurting and started going down. He walked in and said "did you hit that thing with a book" and I said "no, today was my day to clean your house, remember?" He said "Must have been pretty bad, huh? That thing ruptured on its own. I don't have to do anything." He still teases me about how how his house gypped him out of draining that ganglion. LOL-it never came back.
You think you hurt now but you have no idea how bad it can get
and will get if you do not end it right this minute. It will be hard - but you will survive. You know it is the right thing to do - which is why you posted here. You deserve more than being the 'other woman' and your feelings will never change for him as long as he is in your life. He lied to you - lie of omission - by not advising you of his wife. Change your email, change your phone number, get out and meet new people - go to church, get involved and try your hardest to stop thinking of him - trust me - this will only lead you to more pain if you dont' break if off now. Will it be easy? Of course not? Will you regret it? Sometimes - but someday you will be glad you did.
It is going to hurt less if you just say no at the start.
//
I can understand why you are hurt at that on SM
a few levels. I hope it does not come to that until it is necessary. It sounds like you love and value this anmial, and for that I am glad. Cherish every moment your pet brings into your life. Let us know.
Wouldn't hurt to s/m
get the old movie "Grapes of Wrath" and watch that too. That'll show you what's ahead.
My big baby would never hurt someone..sm
that he knows and knows means no harm to him or his family. The only time he would hurt someone is if a stranger come in that was not supposed to be there and then I believe he could hurt them but the way I see it if someone wants to come up in my house when they shouldn't be there then they deserve what they get.
As far as our friends he loves them. As long as he knows you then he is fine. As long as he is introduced to people he doesn't know and you reassure him it is okay then he is fine.
I have no reason to be afraid of my dog. He honestly believes I am his mama I think. When I leave the house my husband said he sits at the window and whines until I come home. He is a big love. His best friend is a beagle who also lives in my house.
I am glad you do animal rescues, but how you claim to care for animals when you are prejudice to a certain breed you probably know very little about? Unless you have owned one it is impossible to know what they are really like. Until a dog has proved he is vicious and not to be trusted I don't think it is fair to stereotype them on what you have heard or believe to be true. I have had 2 Yorkies at different times, I have had a Chihuahua/Yorkie mix, and I have had 2 beagles. Out of all of them the Pit bull is the most affectionate dog I have owned. The Chihuahua/Yorkie mix comes in a close second. But you can believe it or not, he is the most affectionate dog I have ever owned. He just is protective of his family and to me there is nothing wrong with that.
What kids don't know won't hurt them.
My kids had no clue how slimy their dad was and what I had to do to protect us and I will never tell them. Their dad tried to drag them into the middle of it, but I was in his face faster than he could say "child support."
I know it's sad and unseemly, the things we have to resort to during a divorce, but it's ugly business and only a fool will put her honor before her children.
Effexor caused strange buzzing feelings in my head when trying to stop it nm
x
Maybe they just want to do something different w/o you this time and she doesn't want to hurt you
s
Dyson! It hurt the pocketbook but I'm
Best vac I have ever had.
DH and I saw the crane and were wondering if any one had gotten hurt!!! nm
xx
I'd say she has been hurt badly and deeply
besides having a questionable upbringing. It has been shown you can even be raised weird and still have great qualities - something happened to push those natural feelings towards other human beings way down inside her. If it were me - I would just kind of detach myself from her as she will most likely not change and you will grow to become bitter and you cannot change her. You are not going to get what you need as a friend from her. Sorry also about your son. Hugs!!
Ouch! I'll say they hurt!
I've played paintball and it hurts through several layers of clothing. 
I don't know what the problem is either. My kids definitely have more stuff than I ever did. We got cable TV when I was in high school in 1983 and thought I had died and gone to heaven. Who knows what is going through their minds, but thank goodness for MY good kids, too.
Dang, I wondered why it hurt so much
sharper scissors, huh?
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