I didnt really want parenting advice. You dont know

• Need to set up a budget for my 22-year-old DD. - Is there a formula for entertainment expenses-sm
  • This is what I did with my 19yo dd. sm - Sheila
    • Sheila has it right and in addition...sm - Consumer guru
    • Thank you so much for you reply. That sounds - easy and I think it will work for my DD. OP
  • Our kids got their own credit/debit cards when they hit 18 and got jobs. Their success or lack of - it with $$ is now up to them. Works! nm
  • Yes. The formula is you say, "You have X amount for - entertainment" and don't give her more!
    • I didnt really want parenting advice. You dont know - me or my DD and her issues- I just
      • hey, don't go. SM - re formula
      • What I'm saying is the "formula" is what you make it. - No one knows your budget.
  • Think it is a little late in the game - Jenna
    • I agree, not attacking the OP at all, but - Shannon
      • But like she said - Margaret
        • Thank you so much - some of us are quick to judge and offer - advice that wasnt asked for - OP-sm
          • No, cannot figure it out - Jenna

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He is so smart.  I got his first grade card a couple of weeks ago, 2 Fs (Science and Computer Lit) and a D+ in English.  The rest of his grades were acceptable.  The problem isn't that he doesn't understand the subject matter in these classes, but that he simply doesn't do the work, doesn't turn in homework assignments, NOTHING! 

I started having trouble with him last year and he barely passed the 7th grade.  Now, here it is the beginning of a new school year and he's doing the exact same thing.  He's grounded, of course, but that doesn't seem to make a difference to him.  Last night his English teacher called to tell me he hasn't turned in any assignments since the beginning of the new quarter, that he simply sits there at his desk doing nothing while the rest of the class works.  She said he seems to be easily distracted.

When I talk to him about school, he gives me attitude.  Last night after I hung up with the English teacher, I was very angry, and proceeded to ground him longer and took away his IPod.  He had the audacity to say "mom, you're really making me mad (only he didn't say "making me mad").  I took step toward him because I was about ready to slap his disrespectiful mouth and he said "you better not lay a hand on me."  He threatened me!  So I basically took a deep breath and said "son you do not want to take me on."  And then I proceeded to tell him that he would be staying after school with his English teacher until further notice and that I will be picking him up every day after school to make sure he brings home all his books and homework.

I don't know what else to do.  I have asked his teachers to keep me informed via email cause I'm always at my computer during the day.  His Science teacher just emailed me and said he didn't turn in his assignment today.  After all that last night and he STILL didn't turn in his assignment!

I tried to be understanding because he's at a new school in a new town, but socially he's happier than I've seen him in a long time.  He has made a bunch of new friends, he's planning on going out for the basketball team.  At first I tried to blame his attitude problems on the move and the new school, but he was doing the exact same thing last year at his old school.  His dad and I have separated and maybe that has something to do with it, but life has been less stressful without his dad here, even my son has said so.

Please give me some advice.  I've thought about talking to the school counseling, going to family counseling, having my son see a therapist.  I just don't know what to do.  I feel like I'm failing as a parent here and I don't know what to do.

Thanks for letting me spill my guts.

Is that a step away from the school calling the CPS?  I visited my aunt at a resturant she was telling me about her children's children.  She said the 12 yo was acting up really bad in school and he is about to get thrown out.  Every word out of that woman's mouth was it is because the DIL won't.... or the DIL doesn't........  Aunt has the kids more than the DIL does and she is constantly critising the DIL on everything.  She had their 2 yo son with her and he started grunting obviously messing his diaper and she hit him on the nose (not hard) and said STOP!  Then he threw up and she covered his mouth as if to stop him and it did not work and somehow that was all DIL fault also.   DIL would tell aunt what the pedi said and aunt disagrees that the pedi don't know what they are talking about, that she raised 3 boys and they were going to do things her way.  She disagrees with what the parenting classes are teaching.  You spank kids and spank them hard, she ran around with a hairbrush and a fly swatter when her kids were little.  Her DIL called me one night in tears because at some family function aunt started in on her and saying that she is incompetant and she needed aunt and DIL threw her plate of food at her. Aunt got peturbed because DIl was feeding her then 1 year-old cheerios.  I told the DIL that there is a government programs out there that can help her pay for childcare that she does not need to rely aunt.  I got the number from my daycare director and gave it to her.  She never called.  I had also told the DIL that she better start listening to the school and to the pedis and not the aunt because she is the one responsible for those kids and if aunt does something they are going to hold her responsible.  The aunt won't let her use anyone but her.  She is very bossy and the matriarch of the family.  I had offered to keep the kids on weekends but I am not good enough either.  I don't make my kids mind and aunt would have to work to hard undoing everything I did.  Funny, the school told me that whatever I was doing with my 5 year old to do it again with my 18 month old.  The DIL and son are mentally handicapped, both were in special education class in high school and both are janitors of the school which is probably the best job they will ever get.   Think they would do well though and their kids would thrive better if they had a better support system.  I wished there was something I could do to help but they did not want any of my help. I just don't like to go around them anymore.  I have turned down every offer my aunt had to watch my children.  No way.   

that or hearing that Sanjaya is still on AI???!!!

Going to watch AI *live* my time for first time this year!

I hate that now in GA it is state law that they have to have it at age 13.  You know statistically girls have already had sex by that age, which is VERY SAD.  First they said only girls that have not been sexually active and now it is for any girl who wants it.  Very confusing.  I am just so sick about the government stepping in on this.  If my daughters and I feel that they need to have it, then it should be up to us, not some fat guy sitting in an office saying it is better for us.   I think more studies should have been done before they made it a law.  That is all.  Other then that I feel that it is like any other shot... some people dont get flu shots every year... are flu shots bad?  Can they make you sick, yes sometimes, but people should not be forced into a flu shot!