I can sympathize with you sm
Posted By: penny wise on 2008-08-24
In Reply to: thanks for the advise, you say some very smart things - sm -
My husband used to make threats too. Of course, he was drinking heavily at the time.
I took them serious enough to tell a few close friends, just in case, but then I decided I wasn't going to be afraid of him anymore. He had no right to make me fearful, whether I brought it on or not.
I would certainly be wary enough in your situation to make sure the kids are safely away when you break the bad news.
If you do it in person, maybe break the news to him by opening with,
"I have a serious problem I need to talk to you about before it gets any worse. You will be angry but I need you to listen to me."
It will certainly get his attention but you know him best and its up to you to decide how you tell him, as long as you do the telling.
Please post back and let me know how it goes. Will keep my fingers crossed for you, pray for you, all of it.
It's a nightmare situation for sure.
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No, but I do sympathize!
I hate to see money or time wasted. Better to find out what the other person wants instead of fulfilling the needs of your own shopping hobby. Good thing I don't do that, or all my family members would have multiple dogs they don't want!
I'd be very tempted to sell those baskets on Ebay, but I suppose it could cause a terrible family rift. I know - maybe you could put ugly plastic liners in them and use them for trash baskets around your house, LOL.
I sympathize, but please don't
take it out on the animals, it isn't their fault.
Not the OP but definitely can sympathize with her
You say this is not your first husband. Obviously you forget just how painful a situation this can be!
You insinuate that this is her fault. You also suggest that her husband might be looking elsewhere. That's really rotten of you.
She is obviously upset by the state of her marriage. How could you put ideas in her head like that? She came here for support and comes away with further doubts and, even worse, suspicion of him cheating on her?!
Nobody deserves to be treated like a doormat, male OR female.
Now then, to the original poster. Turn about is fair play. I haven't had the greatest marriage either but I have regained some equal footing in the past couple of years (married 15 years.)
My husband sounds very similar to yours. My opinion was nothing to him. I was expected to listen but not speak to him of things going on with me. He could not be bothered with dealing with the kids and homework, household chores, or even a quiet conversation with just the two of us. It always turned into an argument because he didn't want to listen when it was my turn to speak.
I got tired of it and I was ready to walk out the door.
The next time he tried to talk to me (more like pick a fight with me) I would be the one to turn away and not listen to him. Let him follow me around the house and try to get ME to speak to him. He didn't like me putting the shoe on the other foot, not one little bit.
When he finally said the words, "Just talk to me, I won't say a word. I'll just listen, just please talk to me." I finally sat down to talk to him. The first time he interrupted, I got up and walked away.
Believe it or not, he finally listens and finally gets exactly what he was doing to me all those years.
I still have to turn and walk away sometimes because he slips back into his old ways but at least he is better about it now.
Maybe my thoughts are not as important to him as they are to me but they DO mean something and he owes me the courtesy of listening once in awhile too.
I hope things get better for you and do ignore the poster above. That was just not necessary.
I sympathize
All of the women in my family, except for one of my daughters who is 5ƍ", have short stature. My mother was 5' tall, my grandmother 4ཇ", and my aunt 5ƈ", and I am a very "tall" 5Ɖ", WOW. I have another daughter who is 5ƈ", so I envy my youngest daughter. It is always a problem for us to find clothes where the sleeves are just the right length, pants are the right length etc. I shop on line and have had success with shops that cater only to short women, but mostly I have found that the average in-seam length for pants is 33", well I have to wear boots or shoes with 3 inch heels to match that. I have always had to roll the sleeves up on my shirts or jackets. I wear the petite large sizes, which fit me very well, or end up taking the hem up on pants. At one time I even shopped in the Junior Department. For your problem you should explore the internet to find clothing stores that may help with your arm length and pants leg problems. I wonder if there is ever going to be a day when I will ever find the right sizes when I shop. J.P. Penneys also carries a line of clothing for women with these problems. I also shop QVC and HSN, and have found they carry clothing in special sizes. QVC even has a clothing line where you can "build" you own pants according to your measurements.
I can sympathize
If you honestly love him like you say, then maybe it is time for some forgiveness in your heart, just forget what has happened and move on or sit him down one on one and tell him to get it off your chest.
My mom and dad divorced when I was one. I am almost 40 now. I won't go into great detail, but they did nothing but fight over me until my dad had more kids. Once he had more kids, I was in the way. He was never there for me even as an adult. His wife (married again when I was 3) only wants to be involved in my life when she can stir up drama. I made the decision to finally cut them out of my life because it was beginning to affect me on a daily basis. I did confront both of them to a certain extent, not all that I wanted to say. But since his wife was stirring up drama with my 4 kids, momma bear came out and enough was enough. I still love my dad, but don't understand how he can be so blind about his wife.
Being that your parents are still together, I think you need to either sit him down without your mom and tell him how you feel and maybe he will then understand why you have been so hurt. If you feel you can't do that, then you need to forgive him and start including him more in your life.
Just my 2 cents worth...I wish you the best of luck
Thanks - I sympathize with the birthday deal too (sm)
I feel like my birthday is barely acknowledged. You know some people seem to get lots of attention...I wonder if we just don't act like we deserve it so people figure we don't? I went on a Girl Scout campout this past weekend and one of the moms had a monogrammed makeup bag with her name embroidered on it and overnight bags and such with her initials embroidered and I thought to myself - someone treats her like she is special. And I could tell she felt good about herself. I wonder if we acted more like we deserve better - not complaining but just seeming to presume - if others would treat us better or if it is just that she is lucky?
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