I can't advise but can commiserate
Posted By: Lee on 2007-07-21
In Reply to: DH ? - leelee
My husband got rear-ended on the job three years ago, is still having pain and numbness in his back and leg. The company he worked for didn't file for Worker's Comp or even fill out an incident report, which we didn't find out until his bills weren't getting paid. We got a lawyer, who is useless. They finally got going on the Worker's Comp but now they've stopped paying again - he's getting his Lyrica through Pfizer's patient care plan because we have no insurance and WC won't pay. Any phone calls get redirected when he calls WC insurance carrier. He's pretty much resigned to living in pain the rest of his life. I don't know how people can cheat and get away with it when he can be legitimately hurt and not get any help at all!
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- DH ? - leelee
- I can't advise but can commiserate - Lee
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I commiserate...
It took me a long time to learn that I could not change my husband's behavior unless a lot of yelling, frustration, etc., was involved, even if I tried asking nicely first. It was not fun for anyone.
YOU can change your behavior. I personally see 3 possibilities here. One, you can tell him straightforward beforehand that you want to chose something for yourself (with his input of course - wink, wink). Two, you can pick something out without consulting him. Tell him what is good for the goose is good for the gander. A third possibility is to mention you want something. Tell him so and so (someone he respects) thought that product XYZ would be a good option or even owns XYZ and loves it. For me, bargaining works better than getting mad and attacking like I used to.
This all depends on your tolerance on changing your own behaviors. If you prefer not to, then of course your options will not change.
I am only w
I would advise this -
Do you have some place in town that can handle picture conservation, like a museum, that kind of thing? You might even try calling photo devlopers or photographers to see what they recommend. Sometimes they can work miracles. I had an old picture restored from the 1800s that had a water stain on it. When they had finished I could hardly tell. Yours do sound worse than mine was, however. Good luck to you! :-)
Advise for my dog!
Help! My 11 year lhasa-poo (light of my life of course!) has a torn anterior cruciate ligament of the back leg. He cannot put any weight on it. Surgery which is not that successful on an older dog is $10,000! SO! Anyone have experience or tips about this? I can hardly function for worrying about my Simon! Thanks to all, Ginny
Some advise from one who has been there
In earlier years I thought I could not afford insurance, young like her with 1 child then. Worked at hospital and worked on outside basis for other doctors transcribing. son in accident, needd orthopedic surgery, 2 admits to the hospital. The hospital made deductions, the surgeon did as freebie as I had no money. What would have happened if not working at those 2 places? After then got insurance and had ever since - over 30 years without letting it drop. I learned my lesson and it could have been a very expensive one.
advise
ok, what would you do? Took a MT job outside home, quit home MT job, worked 1 week 1 day, got let go yesterday. Employment agency never told supervisor that I had vacation planned and paid for for 1 week end of February. I told her on Friday and she was furious and said "I never would have gone along with that". Then I was let go, after a full day's work, on Monday. Agency called me 6:00 last night to tell me. They said the reason was "things were not getting fixed that needed to be fixed". Have no idea what they mean. After only 2 days training was put by myself to work. Never, ever told by anyone about quality of my work, I don't think it was ever checked. I now have a closet of new clothes & shoes. I am so angry and my self-esteem is in the toilet. Have been an MT for over 20 years and now my confidence is shattered. What do you guys think I should do? Please help this tired old lady.
Sclerotherapy advise
Anybody ever have treatment for spider veins with sclerotherapy? and what has been your experience.
I am strongly considering it. I have tried the creams and they do not work. I have a big patch on the upper inner part of my thigh. It just looks gross.
I also have broken capillaries on my face. Any suggestions other than laser therapy or even sclerotherapy? I am a bit nervous about doing that to my face. Thanks.
my advise (for whatever its worth)
dont raise him anymore, stop today. if it is something you dont want to do, then dont do it. if he doesnt want to be responsible for the bills, then let bill collectors call, whatever the case may be. find something for yourself. that is what i have had to do. sometimes i forget, but im much much better when i do. i take a walk in the morning all by myself. i rearrange the furniture (okay im weird) lol, he hates that, but i dont care, it makes me happy. we are not here to MAKE SURE they are happy. they can either be happy with the person you are inside or hit the pavement. i know you will make the right choices. also too, i had to stop talking to my family about him because at this point, they hate him, and want me to leave. i am an adult and i have to make my own choice, and i pray it works (and works functionally) for us.
btw, his mother has OCD, she cleaned his whole childhood. she has a hugely dysfunctional relationship with her mother, and did have with her daugher, who is an alcoholic. she is very selfish, and is just generally miserable. she is a christian, but is the kind that has all the right things to say, but doesnt act on any of them. analyzing her helps me to see why my husband is like he is.
BTW, the company I advise you
to avoid is
The Cleaning Authority.
They have a rigid schedule they refuse to deviate from, they mark up your walls with their tools, and they break furniture. They don't know how to properly clean a laminate floor or sinks. You have different workers each time, so tipping well makes no difference in the job they do. Complete waste of money, no matter how many times you meet with the supervisor.
You want advice, not advise
NM
Good advise
No need to tell him too far in advance. Overall he's a good man. I'm not making excuses for him but we do laugh a lot (like every day we are horsing around). We don't really fight all that much. I'd say overall we have a good marriage, but he just gets in these moods sometimes. I often wonder if he's going through mid life crisis but don't know. The issue of him working and where we are going to live is a whole nother story because he could decide on one thing and then the next day its something else. Last weekend he was getting ready to tell me what he wanted to do but before he did he mowed the lawn and when he came back in he had told me he changed his mind. I laughed and said that's why I told him to wait and mow the lawn first before telling me what his thoughts are. HA HA. What really doesn't help matters is all this blasted news about the polygamy people in Texas because my sister is a Mormon. HA HA HA Oh well...like you say, i'll wait. My sister and I were talking bout maybe July. I'll definitely keep you posted as to how it goes.
Simple advise...(sm)
Review all available material to you and go by what makes sense. I like to read and have recently started a study that will compare religions as well as athieism. As well, I think the huge contributor to all religions and non-religions is the state of being at the times of change. For example, when the Bible was put together, there seemingly were several books left out. Of particular interest to me is the book of Mary. My question there is why was it left out. At that time women did not have the ability to speak their minds as they do now. Is that why it was left out? If so, was there something important in there that all christians should know? If so, where does that leave christians now? Yep...there are tons and tons of questions, and I don't believe you will get all your answers out of just one source.
There are also questions about athieism, like where and how did everything begin? You can find a ton of sources about how things evolved, but not so much on where it began.
Read, look deeper than just the words, and trust your instincts.
Anyone gluten-free who could advise me? (sm)
Would love to talk to someone who has gone gluten-free and see what your symptoms were, what you are able to eat, and what your results were. I think this may be my problem. Thanks so much!
thanks for the advise, you say some very smart things - sm
though I am really not sure about the in person thing. I am serious about trying not to be killed in this, he has threatened to kill me before over some really stupid stuff (and we have a lot of guns in this house), and as this is a major thing, and he has been through this with me before....just before we married I was $12K in the hole. I paid it all off though within weeks of the wedding and we were debt-free for about 7 years (except for mortgage). He has told me before if he ever kills me, he will kill himself too....not that this is any solace to me as I really want to live. Generally he is full of hot air, but you never know what will send a person over the edge and I think this debt may be what does it for him. There are a number of extenuating circumstances that caused the debt, it was not me alone of course. He likes to spend as he pleases and I do try to stop him as much as I can but sometimes it is not possible (unless I drop the bomb of course), family illnesses, we did private school for a while too which did not help, and just got a new used car....which we owe his parent $10K for which I am paying them $500 a month for as well which is really putting a crimp on things...but he insisted we had to get rid of my reliable truck for better gas mileage....the new car has needed $800 in repairs so far in 4 months which is just wonderful. When I do drop the bomb, probably in the next month or so, I may try to farm the kids out to friends houses then give him a letter with all the dirty details and the possible solutions. I think having it all down in writing will help some. I know there will be tears on both sides, and my stress level will plummet once it is off my chest. I notice my skin problems act up when we are short on cash, then clear when we get a paycheck. I am sure my BP is jumping about and I cannot lose weight no matter how hard I try too, though I think that is a mechanism to keep him away from me as much as possible. Needless to say it is a total mess.
I don't understand how people can advise
to stay in a marriage when you stated you are not happy, you want out and you do not love him. Why stay in this marriage? You know the answer and you do not need validation or feel bad because you want out. There is nothing worse than having to wake up and go to bed with a person you do not love. Life is to short to stay in a loveless marriage. Be good to yourself and be happy. Why have regrets when you are older.
They usually advise Motrin and Tylenol for pain. sm
I see a lot of this in ER work, and they are never really concerned. Only the pt is concerned and in pain. Take some otc pain meds and it should go away soon.
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