I am the grandmother who replied above
Posted By: see message on 2006-12-21
In Reply to: No, I'm sorry. That is beyond ridiculous to have - NO
I really gave some thought to all of your postings overnight. Your attitude is concerning on many levels, but I think the most bothersome - at least to me - is your lack of compassion of another human's right to be treated with respect.
There are about 3 million Americans currently caring for 6 million kin-related children they did not give birth to (outside of the foster care system - and, oh how that system would crash if it weren't for kinship care!). The reasons are myriad, complex and simple. I chose to keep my grandchild out of the foster care system and possible horrors that could be experienced there. I chose to keep my grandchild in the family so that even though the parents could not raise the child, she would not be anonymously adopted and I would lose contact with her forever. She has been able to remain within her family. If I had allowed the state to get involved, there are federal time guidelines that are out of my control and only God knows where she would be today. I tell her she is lucky to have two mommies...a tummy mommy (my daughter), and a heart mommy (me). Will she ever go back to her mom? Only time will tell. The phrase "it takes a community to raise a child" was coined from life experiences, not just because it sounded good in a speech someone gave. No matter how I feel about the behavior of her parents, I always tell her they love her. I do not disparage them to her at all. I am blessed that they return that gift by not denigrating me to her, either.
When I was growing up, I lived for a year with my aunt to get away from a bad school situation. A cousin once came to live with my family for the same reason. These things happened 20-plus years ago, so this woman's situation is not a new one.
There are many reasons that cause someone other than a mom or dad to raise someone else's child. Those people should be lifted up and honored and the people who promote the well-being of the child over what society thinks or their own selfish interests should be applauded. It is not demoralizing society for this situation to exist. These people are doing their best to keep the integrity of the society in which they live intact.
I hope you find peace and compassion on a day when you find yourself in need of support.
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Thanks to all who replied. I will try some of them
I have no dandruff whatsoever, just itchy and dry scalp - it's so annoying!!!
Thanks to all who have replied thus far.
I know in my heart I've done all I can. I can fill out all the applications for job that I want, I can get her interviews, but I have figured out that unless she chooses to work, then she will never do it. Thus far, she will be motivated for a day or two over something, and then it's just gone..she just stops going. She has quit everything she ever started..school, jobs, medications, etc..It's so hard because I remember that loving sweet side but now realize it is only there when she is manipulating because the minute I say NO.. she becomes abusive and threatens. I love her so much but sometimes I haven't liked her as a person because she is so cruel, and for that, I feel guilty. Aren't we supposed to love our children unconditionally and what kind of parent am I not to love my child when she is so mean. Our relationship is so fractured at this point. When I see her calling, I have a panic attack and it's now to the point where I just want to move away and change my numbers. How sad is that. Because of her attitude and abuse, her father doesn't want her around either and even cried when she went back to live with him a few years ago. It's so heartbreaking and you are all right..the first thing I need to do is let go and get counseling for myself to help me through this. The stress is unbearable most days. 
She replied, saying,
"Sorry - I never tried that."
Sorry we couldn't help.
Thanks I appreciate all who replied....
Yes, my husband has anger issues that lie from him not thinking very highly of himself. I think we both want our marriage to work, otherwise it would not have lasted so long. I did want to give up, but I believe we have something special and we have grown together in our love.
We are at a rocky road, but as I said this too shall pass.
I know we must communicate but when he is in this mood it is hard to talk to him at all.
It is really great that you found a great husband who knows how to treat a woman. You are blessed. I feel blessed. I came from a broken home. My mother and father divorced when I was 3, me the only child.
I said to myself I wanted my marriage to work. I only have one child, but I know the effect that had on me not to have a daddy. I realize that the emotional outbreaks we have do effect our child. i still believe we have really good times despite the fact of our emotional outbursts and his at the moment.
I keep thinking I must change myself, just like he must change himself. i keep telling him to think about the good things about me just as I have to think about the good things in him. sometimes if our focus is on all the bad that is all we can see and all the bad becomes a huge mountain and you can't see anything else.
I know I love both my husband and daughter. There are some things I can do better as far as working my schedule. If I can get finished within my schedule, I really think things will be better when I can spend time with both my husband and child.
anger really is a reflective emotion of some other deep issue that is not dealt with and I know that my work has to do with a lot of it. Thanks for listening to me so much. It has given me hope....
Thanks to everyone who replied. I am sorry to know that (sm)
so many others have gone through this. For those who say 'duh' you just don't understand how years of living like this make you question yourself. I will try to respond in a little while to some of the individual responses below. Thanks so much again.
Not the poster you replied to but I do like Bill O.
p
I was just suprised when you replied to my message stating people just amaze you for being SM
so insensitive when she posted the remark about her ill mother the day after my post. I have a very ill mother myself and would never, ever treat that lightly. I just get annoyed with people blaming the animals and calling them stupid, when in fact it is the stupidity of the owners and the total disregard of neighbors that cause these problems. Have a good day.
I get sad over my grandmother
Always meeting at her home for the special occasions, Christmas, Thanksgiving and the like. The house is still there but not for long as the city/county/state going through to make a road/street/highway? My cousin has been living there since her death in 1973 and I miss her so much but I asked for one of the glass door knobs from the home for a rememberance and he has that waiting for me out of town. I remember how she always bought me exactly what I wanted or needed. She recycled before recycling, always had anything you needed and could put her finger right on it- I guess if I had wanted a white elephant she would have went right to it. I thought I was so special in grammer school because I always had diamond rings, yes, diamond rings that I just picked out of a container she had at her home. Her husband used to be a bondsman and would take them on bonds- but was I special or not?? I was the only girl grandchild and I always thought she loved me more, whether she did or didn’t just felt like she did. Wonderful memories!
Don't know about mom's but he is like this at his grandmother's also.
nm
As a grandmother myself, I would never want to have
6 much less 14 children in my home, I could care less if my own grandchildren. I love my quiet life. If I want a circus I go to Ringling Brothers. This is a grown woman who had this litter- why should a person say in their 50s at least have to put up with her and her brood?
If your grandmother had a will it is
public knowledge and should be probated through the courts. Your recourse if cut out of a will is to go to court for what you think you are due as her granddaughter. I am reading you, your sister and nephew heirs. What about the grandmother's children (as in your parent, mother or father, you did not say which side of the family this g'mother is) and were there other children?
Reminds me of my grandmother.
She enjoyed green olives. She said if you go to Spain, they sold them from carts on the street, and she would get them and eat them by the handful.
My additions would be certain kinds of ice cream and chocolate. I do enjoy the sour gummy candy much too much. I bet it's at least as bad for your teeth as cola drinks, so I try not to buy that stuff. Can't stop if I have Milk Duds, either.
Remember my grandmother used to at
age 70 something. No pregnancy involved.
grandmother's passing
Try and be at peace. God knows her heart, OK? You're a good person and you deserve to be comforted. As I said, be at peace.
death of grandmother
Truly a horrible turn of events for you. Two deaths of loved ones so close together. Lean on the one who tells us to bring our cares to Him. It is believed by many that it would be limiting God to teach that this life is the only time that God can call a person to Himself. Second resurrection may be the answer. Also preaching to souls in prison, think about why they would need to be preached to, if these were evil spirits, not human spirits, what good would it do to preach to them?God is a God of love and your family members are in His hands.
Re suicide, no sane person can take their own life. no matter how "rational" they make it sound. Those who do kill themselves are not responsible for the sin of murder because they are so sick.
My grandmother did the same thing...
...insisting that her sister and niece, whom I barely knew and my mother didn't care for, be invited to my wedding. Mom caved, they neither showed up nor responded to let us know they weren't coming. Mom still says to this day she wishes she hadn't given in.
Well if it wasn't for this grandmother
There would be no wedding. Grandmothers are the "chiefs" of our tribes so to speak. I hope the best for this young couple, but it sounds like they're being childish. Let the grandmother invite some people, unless their felons. 
mother of 2, grandmother of 1
My hubby and I chose to have only 2. We got a boy and girl. I am now raising my granddaughter. I am hopeful that I can adopt her soon, and that her mom is serious about not having any more kids . I think one is what you said...plenty of work and love!
Let the other grandmother they lavish
calls, visits, hugs, love, etc., etc. go and buy. I have spent so much valuable time going to them so now tired of it all being on my part. I deserve as much as their maternal gmother.
For my grandmother, who is still active but
on a limited income I give her all occasion cards and stamps. She has told my mother many times what a great help they are to her.
It was very sad when my grandmother died
but she had lived a long good life. It was not a big party by any means, but we were looking at it from the side of she is now in heaven, she is with her husband, and she is no longer suffering any pain. I know there is always sadness and more for some than others. I knew what I wrote was going to be misunderstood. BTW, I am caucasian.
my grandmother has Vista on hers and
I don't like that everything is black instead of blue. I could not find anything i was looking for when i have tried to help her fix her computer. Her printer will not work now and I cannot figure out how to uninstall it. I am having her bring it over tomorrow to see if I can install it on my PC to see if it's the printer or her PC. if you like change you may like vista but it will be a very sad day indeed when I am forced to buy a PC with Vista. Luckily I just had this one built in December and they still had copies of XP to install on it!!!
My grandmother always froze her if she was going away sm
it didn't matter how little was left. She once froze some that couldn't have been more than 2 swallows. She also took napkins and sugar packets from resturants.
my grandmother made them, I think
she would change the water to "lessen the strong flavor" and then made a cheese sauce. Roasted sounds good.
Not a grandmother but parent myself
Well maybe you were a little defensive then and not resentful but reading your post it sounded like the things you do with/for your kids were more like chores instead of things you chose to do. I am not a grandparent but still a parent as both my sons still live at home as they go to college. I see too many people who just leave their kids to fend for themselves, 2-3 nights every week and every weekend during hockey season and other sports seasons...sorry if I offended you but that's the way you came off.
A friend's grandmother
A friend's grandma became obsessed with Polident, the stuff that helps keep your dentures in. She had tubes and tubes of it stashed. Anytime you were going over there and called to ask if she needed anything, the answer was always the same - Polident. LOL, oh well, it was harmless, so who cared? Kind of cute. I hope when I'm old and "losing it" that at least I'm cute and not obscene or mean.
of course they will, but she said her grandmother did apologize.
I just hope for some forgiveness, as well.
My grandmother is dying also
She and I are not exactly close, we live across the country from each other and always have. She was never very nice to my mother so I had a hard time getting close to her. My brother and I are the only family she has left and of the 2 or us I am the only one that keeps in constant contact with her.
When I do talk to her I reminisce. Not about our times together but about when she was younger. She loves to talk about herself.
If this woman feels like talking do that. Or maybe she just feels like listening and you could tell her how much you enjoyed playing her piano and playing with her jewelry. Just let her know she made a difference in your life. You don't have to outright talk about missing her, but I know she will get the message and I am sure it will bring her some comfort.
i lost my grandmother too in almost say way as you are describing sm
this was several years ago. she was 82 and all of a sudden developed pneumonia, which turned into sepsis. i had typed enough reports to know what sepsis meant and her hope was slowly going downhill. she too took a major turn for the worse after about a week in the ICU and nurses talking about her going home in a few days. she was also DNR status. they did, however, give her O2 by mask although i still don't believe it was enough because she was alert and told us she couldn't breathe. they also gave her morphine, which i disagreed with given my research because i read morphine makes lungs fill more with fluid rather than clear the fluid out. when questioning the doc about this, he threw her chart on the floor and said if you disagree with me, find yourself another doctor and walked out! it was horrible! i am not positive, but i do think they gave her antibiotics. we didn't get the chance to bring her home or to hospice though. she did have an IV so maybe there are other guidelines in her DNR/DNI status and her wishes that stated she didn't want them. she remember, she will be in peace soon and be thankful for the times you had with her. although my grandmother was in very good health until her pneumonia took her away from us, i'd rather seen her go like she did than to have a long, drawn out battle with health issues and pain. prayers to you and your family during this trying time for you.
African violets, but my grandmother kept
hers under special fluorescent lights to get them to bloom.
Kalanchoe is another. They sell them even at Walmart I think. They keep them inside.
I'm not an indoor gardener, so I'm not a lot of help, but I'd go to Home Depot and see what they have for inside plants.
your grandmother=wise woman..saying comes from
Woman
was made from the rib of man, she was not created from his head-to top him, nor from his feet-to be stepped upon.
She was made from his side, to be equal to him; from beneath his arm-to be protected by him; near his heart-to be loved by him.
From The Talmud
She said her grandmother and mother were talking...
about her--hardly abuse. I think that if someone raises you, she is allowed a mistake or two--I make them all the time and my son is only 2. Heaven help me if he holds a grudge forever. About domestic violence--violence is bad. I have not responded to that post because I am not sure what to make of it. However, if you post your personal business on this board and do not get the answer you wanted, so what? All of these people will do what they want to do anyway. These are only opinions that are posted and the opinions are only based on the information given, which I am sure are NEVER the entire story.
Honestly, the only part my grandmother
taught me was how to chain stitch. Yes, the blankets i'm making are all chain stitching but that makes them VERY warm and wonderful (and I think last longer). I do have someone at work who said they would teach me how to granny square but i'd like to finish up the current blankets before learning a new stitch.
My grandmother used olive oil for everything, especially for her skin
and when she wanted to give herself a facial, she would combine oatmeal and egg whites - i remember how funny she used to look doing that but that woman had the most beautiful skin. For conditioning her hair, she used mayonnaise that she made herself and to protect her hair during the winter months she used avocado and olive oil - after washing her hair she would as she said ' scoop to goop' onto her hair, wrap it with a warm towel for ten minutes and rinse it out thoroughly. She never ever used soap on her face - she used to tell me and my sisters (there are five of us) that soap is the worst thing for a woman's skin...to clean her face she used cold cream (Jergen's and some other kind I can't recall now) but it worked. As an astringent she used witch hazel with a bit of tea tree oil and for scars which was got a lot being little, after they healed over really well she would have us rub a lemon rind with a teeny bit of lemon on it over our skin - it does fade small scars. I tell you, stuff that grams used worked before all of this fancy schmancy manfactured stuff; and I still use a lot of her ideas to this day..
My aunt, kids grandmother, dads Mom.
Sorry for the confusion.
My grandmother died a couple years ago.
She was not a churchgoing woman but believed in God nonetheless. As we were setting up the funeral arrangements, the pastor asked what Bible verses my grandma would have liked read at the funeral. We told him nothing particular, just whatever he wanted. She wasn't a churchgoer. Well, this Christian pastor took MY GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL as an opportunity to tell everyone there that she wasn't going to heaven because she wasn't "born again." I have never been SO MORTIFIED in ALL MY LIFE!!! So, believe me, I have hostility towards Christians who try to "save me" or any of my family.
I am so glad my grandmother's remedy worked for you
I called her my little brown mole- she had a garden and in the summer had such a nice tan. She firmly believed in using the Camphopenique for most everything. I did not remember it being used for mouth sores but learned that within the past year from her daughter, my aunt, when I suffered the same. I glean so much information from my elders- you just cannot beat helpful hints from people who have lived longer than us and seem to know so much. I am glad it helped you!
My grandmother made homemade mac and cheese sm
She died at the age of 93 and I was 27 and I am ashamed to say that I never learned how to make it. She didn't have a receipe. She would also put fried chicken on the stove before church and it would be cooked to perfection by dinnertime. Ask my brother or me what our last meal would be and we both say Mamaw's fried chicken and mac and cheese.
i made a memorial site for my mom for my sister and my grandmother a few years ago. sm
neither were cremated, but mom wanted a memorial. we took a spot in her back yard and made a rose garden out of it. we planted several rose bushes. i got some of those make your own stones from hobby lobby. it is like cement that you pour into the mold. i then wrote in the cement before it dried their names at the bottom and in loving memory of at the top. decorated the stones up with some heart gems. these are in the middle of the rose flower bed. we also got her a covered canopy bench to sit next to it. everyone in the family loves to go there. just FYI there is a rose that is a red and white mixture rose that is called the love rose and this is the very center of our "memorial". i can't recall the name and it was very hard to locate. this was several years ago and the roses are growing pretty than ever.
This reply is to your reply and the people who replied to you.
Probably the statement I made saying I'm wondering if this is all there is to life would be sounding like I'm depressed, but honestly I'm not. I've been married for 25 years and I'm a very optimistic person. So much my sister-in-law once told me - "can't you ever be upset about something without trying to find the good in it" LOL, and I do laugh a lot during the day. That's not to say I don't have an occasional "down" time, but in today's world who doesn't. I'm just tired of being "dumbed down" by the news and now especially with all the election coverage. Just getting tired of our news media whores not giving us the truth. That's why I feel like I'm living in a Matrix and this all is not real. I think I will follow the advise of one of the posters and turn off the news for a couple weeks and instead turn on the Food Channel and pet my cat. :-)
I love the ambrosia my Grandmother used to make/beautiful pearls one year from DH. nm
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