I am so sorry
Posted By: (sm) on 2009-03-30
In Reply to: Son's teacher tells his classmates he has ADHD... - Stressed mom of 3
Our family has been through a lot of what you are talking about. I have a 12-year-old son also, diagnosed at the age of 3 with moderate to severe autism, later "upgraded" to Asperger's syndrome. He has just finally entered the general education classes, but should have (recommended by the teacher) in sixth grade. The problem was that, although they wanted him in all general education classes, they wanted him to have a homeroom teacher that was specialized in autism and they did not have that at our home school, so he had to ride a special ed bus and he was angry and his behavior showed it. They then agreed to move him to the home school, but put him in the self-contained EBD class, rather than what we had been saying all along -- the collaborative general education classes (regular ed teacher plus special ed teacher with a class of mostly general education kids and a few special ed kids). It did not make sense to us why the other program would be better, and still does not today. Anyway, the bus that took him to the other school showed up at the same time as the regular ed bus going to our home school, so he has had a lot of the teasing, calling him retard, etc. It has really been a struggle, but more so with the school because they consider a parent trying to exercise their right as an "IEP team member" (ha!) to be a problem parent. I thought I was crazy and paranoid until I read so much about it, and I discovered that the school was hitting us hard and heavy with retaliation because we were even thinking about questioning their placement recommendation. We may even be entering into said retaliation territory again now, although the EBD teacher has admitted (FINALLY!) that the EBD class is not the appropriate classroom for my son. He did, however, want to send him again to another school with the same program that was recommended for sixth grade. I about fell over in my chair when he suggested it. We again told him that we thought he should get an opportunity to try the collaborative classes, and he said that he would still have to have my son work up to level 3 in the EBD class, saying that he could not have the other kids in that class see my son get out without having to work up the level. I had him then, because my son has an IEP, and I stated that if that is what we are going on then it is no longer an Individual Education Plan. (I could see very well that he was not happy when I said that.) He stated that he thought the collaborative classes would be a big mistake, and I said that it could not be as big of a mistake as having placed him in the EBD class had been. (Again, you should have seen his face. Not happy.) This was all after going over the testing they had done showing that my son is in the high average to above average intelligence range, and after all of us having agreed that he could do the general education work easily. Luckily, the school psychologist that was in attendance backed me, sort of, but I have seen a few signs that they are planning another attack. (Really, I am not paranoid -- it's true . . . LOL -- gotta laugh or I'd be crying all the time, I tell you.)
Sorry to be so long-winded. I guess my points are just that I can certainly sympathize with you, but tread very lightly when dealing with teachers/administrators/school personnel. I think they take a course in this retaliation business, and it is not fun. I read about it on Wright's Law web site, which may offer useful information for you, especially if your son has an IEP. It is so much better to have the teacher on your side, if you can. You know what they say about honey and vinegar. What started the first retaliation, aside from the fact that we disagreed with placement recommendations, was that I made a phone call, just looking for some written information about what classes were available and the criteria for each type of setting, got on the phone with a higher up person (quite by accident, did not ask to speak with her, but nobody else knew what I was asking about and I was switched around about three times first). I recognized her name as having been in attendance at a meeting at the elementary school that my husband had attended and I had not, and so told her who I was and she asked how my son was doing. I told her about the terrible behavior and failing two classes, and she insisted that I needed to call the teacher and tell her I wanted to have an IEP meeting, and that this higher up lady wanted to be there. The teacher was TICKED OFF, thinking I had called to complain about her, and no amount of explaining had any effect (unless it made her angrier). I called the higher up lady back after speaking with the teacher and said, 'Oh dear, she is angry . . ., etc.' She asked did I want her to e-mail the teacher and explain things, and the rest is history. It was a terrible time, and technically lasted almost two school years, except that they had put me in my place and had me where I was/am scared to say anything about anything. I am building my own evidence now, and believe you me they can and do break the law. I have EVIDENCE of falsified paperwork (they do not yet know this), they lie (again, I have proof), and generally just don't like parents who do not blindly, in a Stepford-like manner, agree with every word that comes out of their mouths. I have only "gone along to get along" because my son wants to be at the school he is at and no other, but I plan to get them one day.
Sorry, again. I did not really mean to make this all about me/us. I am very sorry for your son, and I know how tough it is to watch it happen to your child. It tears your heart up, and it is just awful. I hope things go well for you guys.
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