I am single mother, raising my kids on my own, but not
Posted By: nm on 2007-03-26
In Reply to: You are yelling more than my own mother did, - Anna M.
by choice, because my husband died at a very young age and because of his illness we weer unable to get life insurance, so I am left to support them on my own. I really am upset that would even look down upon a single parent in such a way. If you want people to be open-minded to your decisions in life, I suggest you not group all single parents into some sort of welfare classification.
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Staying at home and raising us kids worked for my mother
Hmm. It should be okay with me right? Oh, wait, that puts me in the welfare line which you think everyone takes advantage of.
You don't live in your mother's time. I wish you did, because the internet didn't exist then.
I was raising kids then...
And I remember the Reagan years as being good. Very good. I remember the ketchup-as-a-vegetable debate, but most people remember those years fondly.
don't agree w/U - she's 45, raising kids..regular lady..
A single mother is not just a woman who has never
been married before. If she's divorced, she's single. If she's widowed, she's single.
I was a SINGLE mother. I was not married at that
time. I DID NOT defraud the government or anybody else. I did what I had to do to feed my children. I'm glad you could make it all by yourself. I couldn't do it. Please stop turning your nose up at people who need help.
Mother of the new 8 babies, single and has 6 OTHER CHILDREN ALREADY
Talk about litters. She lives with her mother and father apparently. Be willing to say because she is a single mother with all that group she is on welfare. Your tax dollars at work here.
I was a single mother at one time. I had to resort to
food stamps to feed my 2 kids that I had while married. My husband and I did end up remarrying and I called and cancelled the food stamps right then. While we were divorced, though, it was food stamps or hungry kids. Yes, I was working, but tying to pay the bills, keep housing and food for my kids and keeping them clothed and in school was just too much. Believe me, I hated like rip to have to go the food stamp office and even apply. I was absolutely mortified and thought I would die of embarassment, but I did it for my kids.
A single mother by choice does not make them a welfare
recipient and/or a bad person. Heck, I would be more inclined to put that person as unselfish and determined. You chose the easy way out, the single mother took on her commitment and took the responsibility.
....here. If there is a single egg or nit on the scalp, the kids aren't
b
Gifts from the kids on Mother's day??? (sm)
This is one that I never understood. Do you have very little children?? I raised my kids by myself and they never had a dad around to make sure they got gifts for me. They made things in school when they were little. Then as they got a little older (like even just 6 or 7) they would say they didn't make anything in school that year, and I would tell them, well then it would be nice if you make breakfast or supper for me! They always did it themselves, and I ate whatever they made. I just never understood buying something for your kids to give your wife. It's the kids' mother, not the husband's.
It would be different is the mother was asking the MIL to watch the kids...
the MIL is asking the kids to spend time with her so she should do things the kids want to do, not necessarily what she wants to do...if it was the other way around then I would agree the kids would just have to deal with things the MIL wanted to do...
I so agree...mother of 3 healthy kids
I have a similar relative who would NEVER let anyone around her girls when they were babies, whether we were sick or not. No one was allowed to even hold them. Those babies grew up to be 2 of the sickest kids I ever saw.
My mother chose my stepfather over her kids
I have been in the same situation for the last 20 years. My mother figures she only sees us once in a while, so she would rather not be alone the rest of the time. I know how much it hurts to not feel welcome in your mother's house. It shouldn't be that way.
No where either. My mother didn't raise any foolish kids. LOL nm
nm
Just because you are not raising someone
does not mean that you are not spending time with your grandson. Of course you are going to see pics of them together. She was in his life, but she did not raise him.
Yes, ANS had problems...no doubt. She had PROBLEMS though. I think all the bashing everyone does is pretty sad.
Her mom was no saint though. To say, oh she raised Daniel for 6 years so she must not be too bad is just crazy.
Honestly, you cannot base any of their characters off anything because none of you lived in their life, none of you knew them personally and knew what went on behind closed doors and not just what our twisted media decided to show you....not even I can judge their character because even what I know is limited!
Let yourself be the one on the other side of that lens one day and see how it feels to have someone judge your character. Don't believe everything you see/read....especially the crap that comes from our "news."
Raising.......... sm
We had "raising" in those days. I think that is something that seems to be disappearing from society today at an alarming rate. I can remember my mother giving me the big hairy eye if she even thought it looked like I was hinting for something. Kids today just come right out and ask for what the want....or demand it.
raising my hand too..sm
and personally, due to the amount of money involved in ALL professional sports, I cannot help but think that most of it is one big set up and the public is being ripped off by feeding in to it, sort of like the professional wrestling teams. that is just a thought though, and not meant to stir up any one's irrational emotions about sports. I also think they are TOO competitive and families are pushing their youngsters into sports WAY too young, just to bring in the big bucks later in life. Part of my work is for a pediatric orthopedist and a youngster of 3 years old suffering sports injuries, in my opinion, is WAY too young!
to raising my granddaughter
Thank you for all the information. I may email you as this thing goes along. What a mess for the kids. I wish the mom would get some help, but she is perfectly happy in the drug world and doesn't see a thing wrong with it. Thanks again for the info.
OK I have exp with raising beagles...sm
My husband has 10 hunting beagles in kennels. I do most of the taking care of them. I also have a pit bull and a beagle inside.
You are in a predicament. The dog definitely deserves and should be treated the best that can be provided. First of all, is she getting fed and all? Make sure she has food and water. Look on the internet and look at the pics of dogs with sarcoptic mange. Just a few months ago one of our beagles got it and looked awful. She lost her hair and scratched and had bleeding spots on her from the scratching. Some just lose spots of hair. If it has this I can tell you how to get rid of it and make the dog look like a different dog. We treat our beagles a lot ourselves. If it has mange it would need ivermectin but the problem is if it has heartworms and you wouldn't know unless you take it to the vet to check then the ivermectin would kill it. The test to check is about $30. If it does not have the heartworms then you give it a shot of ivermectin 1/10 of a mL for every 10 pounds. Make sure not to overdose. You give it once a week for 4-5 weeks. It kills the mange and most everything else it might have. But you have to be very careful because an overdose is lethal. Also to help grow the hair back you put on NuStock which can be bought at a feedstore for around $12 a tube. It has instructions on it. THe ivermectin can be bought at the feedstore too. This is for cows. That is why you only give it a very small amount. It is 30 something dollars for a thing of it. This is how I cured my husbands beagle and it worked and the dog looks great. Regrew all the hair and is very healthy. But make sure it don't have heartworms first. And weigh it to see how much to give. This is a alternative to vet care and I am telling you it works.
That's good to know, in 25 years of raising
show cats,I have never seen stud tail in a neuter, but then it could just be my breed.
latchkeying is not raising children, as you put it
latchkey children are not raised by their parents, so what are you talking about, besides the fact that you're laughing about it, which makes you sound immature as well.
Me raising another person's child?
Someone would have to be out of their minds to think (don't care if my own child) that I would raise another's child- the only way would have to be the parents no longer on this earth. I raised my 2, worked really hard to do so, working sometimes multiple jobs at a time and I be da.... if I am giving up my golden years to be blanketed by babies/young children/teenagers - not this lady.
Maybe it is..but tonight's whole show was about raising money
and DOING SOMETHING... and motivating us... and making us realize how bad things are out there for some people.
Remember when we were talking about goodsearch.com and raising money sm
for your local charity? Well, our local news broadcast got in touch with me and they want to interview me about using goodsearch! haha
I was like, "here? At my house?"
I guess they want to come over and watch me do it and show them how I use it to search for medical terms and then show how much money I've raised so far for our local charity...I'm so nervous! I would have to CLEAN like crazy, clean my desk. Ugh! I don't know, I haven't committed to it yet........But I'd like to get the word out about my charity!!
Whatever my mother-in-law and mother are cooking--lol
we go to my in-laws for Christmas Eve and usually have ham and kielbasa (we are Polish) and then my mom usually has turkey or roasted chicken on Christmas Day
I'm with you 50 and single..
I too have sworn off relationships and very happy being on my own. I cannot and will not go through it again. Both my ex's were two peas in a pod. Unfortunately, I seem to attract the same type of people. At 52, I am quite happy being alone but also having a great circle of friends. It far outweighs being unhappy, angry, always hoping things would get better when they never did.
I am not a single mom but...
I was a single woman when I bought my house. It is one of the things I regret the most right now.
BUT ONLY cause I wasn't settled down, no family, things came up and i wanted to move. I also bought it right before the market crashed 2.5 years ago, and now I am in an interest-only ARM on an upside down mortgage.
Now, considering this probably wont happen to you because the market has already crashed, there still might be room to wonder if it could fall more, depending on where you are looking to buy. My advice is if you are going to stay there and that is your home, your job, etc. etc. then buying is a great idea and when you mention you are responsible for anything that happens to the house... well that is the chance you take. Depends on what kind of home you buy, how old, and if there are HOA dues. I still dont know how I feel about homeowner's associations, even though I belong to one. However, they will be responsible for anything exteriorly wrong with my house, but for $80.00 a month. you know? so you definitely have to weigh your options.
My main advice would be DO NOT RUSH. that is what I did as I was young and excited to be a home owner at a young age, but now all that money i worked so hard for since the age of 15 is gone. I no longer have the 50K I put down on the house. That is something REALLY tough to deal with.
I love being a homeowner, but I hate that I bought when I did. you know? I know I am not the only one in that boat of course but it is still very very tough.
Good luck!!
well, I'm a single mom....
I've been divorced for nearly 8 years. I have taken care of my son completely on my own. I do not have a huge social circle, but I know what I like to do, and I concentrate on my son, but one day that child will (hopefully) grow up and be on his own and so it will be just me. I know what I like, do what I like, but sometimes, having that special someone would just, for me, make things better. But, now this is the odd part, having been married to the wrong man, I would be perfectly content to have a "significant other" without ever going to the "married" stage. I am fine and have been fine on my own the last 7 years, learned a lot about myself. Now at 35, I feel like I want someone in my life, but I dont necessarily have to be married. Sounds odd, and most of my friends are the opposite. But, I'm also one of those people that never had a lot of boyfriends, etc. I was not the girl in high school who had crushes on a lot of guys, I chose to date and not have a serious relationship in high school because I thought I was too young for that, haha. I've seen both ends of the spectrum, I've seen completely happy couples, my own mom and step-dad for example, if I was to ever get married again, I want a relationship like theirs. They are each other's best friends, and still so in love, but they also make a point of doing things separately because they are, after all, 2 separate people; and I've seen people in my life who are in their 60s and still perfectly content to be single.
I'm in the middle of that spectrum, haha, I would like someone to share in parts of my life, but I don't have to marry him if that never happens either. :)
I do know that I'm picky on friends, and I'm shy, and I don't date much, its just hard to date. I'm a single mom, I work from home, I live in a small town and have only been here 6 years, but only made 2 friends, well, people I would consider friends, I work midnights, sleep during the day, and spend time with my son in the evenings and with our family on the weekends, so I really don't even have time to date, so its a darn good thing I am happy in my life, haha, or I'd be a lonely mess. Sometimes it does get lonely, but in an affection way, not so much in a socializing way for me, I don't know how else to word that.
A single woman
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Please do not rush into a relationship with any man at this point. Enjoy this time and spend it getting to know your children better and just spending time with them. Also get to know yourself and feel comfortable with who you are - develop some hobbies and interests. If you've spent the last 2 decades in this kind of relationship, you haven't had much time to spend on yourself. Soak in a hot tub every night if you want to.
In a sense, you've just cut a huge wart off your foot and of course it's going to feel strange and unfamiliar. It was the wart that was strange, now things are normal. It just feels strange because you aren't used to it.
Hope some of this makes sense. If you think about it, I bet you are actually less lonely now than when he was there. Some of the loneliest people I know are in marriages and relationships. Some of the happiest and most joy-filled people I know are on their own.
So happy to be single.
Sounds like he has a huge stick stuck somewhere uncomfortable. Big hugs for you!
were you a single parent
x
It was not my attempt to single anyone out
is simply curiosity about some of the posts I've read. Has nothing to do with Huckabee, constitution, declaration of independence, etc.
As far as the nice day goes... right back at ya! :)
Question for single MTs
I am divorced now for awhile. I am finding that I have absolutely no interest in dating! I look at the online dating sights occasionally but no one attracts me. There seem to be slim pickens if you know what I mean. Anyway, I seem to be very happy on my own. My question is, do any of you feel the same? I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I'd rather stay single.
not one single fear
zero, zip, zilch, nada...
we are born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. the rest we create or obtain on our own later in life. me: none, other than the two i was born with.
Single Mom Survivor here ... have
Looking back over my experience as an owner and as a renter, raising my children alone with limited resources:
Renting is easier and more cost effective for you than buying.
Pro's of renting:
1. Low deposit to get in the door.
2. Rent is usually reasonable and oftentimes contract won't go up if you are a good renter.
3. MAINTENANCE is the responsibility of the management -- you are not out for those costs.
4. You can leave with a 30-day notice.
Pro's of ownership:
1. You are building equity.
2. Tax breaks.
3. If financial crisis, it takes about 6 to 9 months to get to foreclosure so you do have some time to find another place.
Con's of renting:
1. May require a background and/or credit check.
2. Although evictions are subject to some jurisdiction (they must give you a 10-day notice), it can be quicker to evict you from a rental than from your own property.
Con's of ownership:
1. ALL maintenance and repairs are up to you. Can be very costly.
2. You cannot get out of this very easily - especially in this market.
Hope this helps.
She's not a single person
The cnn article is worded a little confusingly, but the woman is married and her husband is the one who is scheduled to return to Iraq, not her father.
I have no idea why she was taking fertility drugs when she already has 6 at home - unless they are not biologically hers. The doctors should be sued for malpractice for implanting that many embryos. The ethics guidelines these days state that they should not implant any more than two at a time to avoid situations exactly like this.
And now you see why they're single!
I think the internet is partially to blame. Guys start trolling for women and never stop the conquest. Supposedly hot babes to flirt with, who wants an average girl in real life?
If you could force the creeps to tell the truth:
"Sorry I blew off our lunch date, but I was busy having spur-of-the-moment cybersex with a stranger."
"Oh, I never intended to actually MEET you, I only enjoyed the challenge of seeing if you would meet ME. I prefer fantasies to reality."
"Disappointing women gives me a power rush. Score!"
"Quantity over quality, honey. Now describe what you're wearing. And what WAS your name again?"
Definition of a single man...
... I heard this and told it to my then-husband, who, oddly enough, did not find it funny. (Perhaps because the shoe fit all too well.)
Anyway... this lady said that many men basically had their d*ck in one hand and their umbilical cord in the other, and were looking for a place they could plug them both in....
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
Is he single?? LOL - not many good ones left. nm
x
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
I assume you're single.......
You need to call this guy. Call him at the office with a "question" and see where the conversation takes you.....Good luck!!!
Oxymoron indeed! LOL. Single is definitely best if you can afford it : )
x
I am talking single mom by choice, not by
a death. I have been widowed before and still had a child at home and the insurance money then was split half for a burial and I gave my child the other $10,000. I do not believe in pity-parties as I see a lot on MTS. I am just glad I waited until later when having my children. I think the ultrasound is a way to make a women thing more about what should be her decision alone but would not have changed my mind then or now.
I am a single young person
and you know sometimes it is nicer to go out and do things on your own. I have found sometimes when I have gone out with people they do not want to do the same thing so you end up wasting energy trying to convince them or they lollygag and I hate that. As much as it is nice to have someone or a special someone to do things with, there is nothing wrong with being an independent and doing things on your own. As I see it, if I wait around for someone to magically appear to do things with, I may miss out on a lot of good things. As for bus trips, I live in the SF Bay Area and I know I have seen all sorts of neat bus trips to places like national parks, Tahoe, etc and you go in a group and explore.
a single paddling at school is different
from a parent keeping a paddle at home during the summer. I'm wondering why you need to go on and on about this.
My past is my past. I believe each parent has the right to raise their children in a manner that suites each family. My hope is that physical punishment is limited, but there are other methods of physical punishment other than paddling which can do worse harm to a child. Even verbal abuse can be worse.
Thank you for your sympathy for the decisions my parents made, but those things are in the past. BTW, I don't let people get close before of emotional manipulations by people in my adult life and not having learned how to stand up for myself when I was a child. Now I have learned those leasons and just use more caution about whom I take into my confidence. I'm not as screwed up as I feel you are trying to intimate :)
I celebrate being single and when I'm pregnant.
I'm not 16, however. Her sister is young and made a mistake. I'm not going to judge her ability to parent based on what Britney has done.
I don't disagree that a single home would be best
although I do disagree that group home placement is less desirable for short-term placements for multiple siblings under the federal 15/24 law by keeping the family connection intact (again, please read that my perspective is under the short-term law as it currently stands because the goal is reunification with the parents). Imagine losing your parents, then your whole family, your home, all your friends, just so some strangers can keep the kids together and who only knows what mental or other distress they suffer in that situation. Granted there are some good foster providers, but most of them want to adopt (not all of them, but most of them do) and fewer want siblings in today's environment than even just 10 years ago.
I personally took no offense in what she said about the kids. Having had a daycare for 10 years, I have seen all sides of the racial, economic, foster care, state involvement, abuse, family disagreements, drug abuse, etc., that any one person could possibly imagine. When she responded to your question about the biracial statement, even you said her answer was _not a biggie._
While you do not specifically state in your post that you adopted any of the children for whom you cared, I was pointing out the adoption factor in the federal law that currently exists and how it effects kinship care and foster care and how that law effects children and siblings. It DOES sound from your post that you saw things from a foster care perspective (pure speculation on my part).
Currently in the US there are over 5 million kids being cared for by relatives and less than 600,000 in formal foster/group home care. I've seen a grandmother who raised her 3 grandchildren for 10 years ripped away from her by the _justice_ system to be given to complete strangers because when the bio dad got out of jail, his exercised his right to reclaim the children and promptly allowed people the children had never seen before adopt them. I've seen grandparents lose their newborn grandchild to foster care parents because the state was running adoption services in preference to keeping the child with his/her family.
I am very pro kinship care even though the government finally realized a way to save millions of dollars a year by providing less support to kins than to foster care providers, draining resources on a larger number of kins who are usually older and closer to retirement age...people you give up everything they have to keep their family together.
Try not to let that chip on your shoulder damage your halo :)
dang! am I glad I'm single!
What are you doing putting up with this!?! WOW!!! Are you kidding?!?! Abusers isolate their victims, cut them off from their family and friends. Climb a giant ladder and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!! You and your sister are free to do as you please. This piece of work you are married to (and whose emotions you have obviously tip-toed around for ages) is going to have to get over it. He's obviously ashamed of something, his home, his lack of employment, himself. I cannot believe you have put up with this for ages --- grow a set and use 'em!
Are we talking single people or
families with children?  H and I make between that together but looking at our individual salaries no. We also have 2 kids. All I know is that we did not qualify for free or reduced school lunches. LOL.
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