I am not romanticizing divorce by any means sm
Posted By: HappyFlaMT on 2008-12-05
In Reply to: society does not get it - stepmom
While my dad obviously found a wonderful woman he remarried, my mother was not so happy. She remarried twice and divorced again and is just now getting remarried again to her boyfriend of almost 14 years as she feels that this is finally going to work. I have had difficulties in my own marriage, which are getting better, and while I was incredibly close to getting out, I have chosen to work on my marriage. And I don't know if I would have ever gotten remarried simply because of the issues facing blended families.
As far as your stepdaughter, she was forced to make a terrible and unfair choice. I had a similar experience but with a much different outcome. I felt like I was betraying my bio-mom by calling my stepmother Mom and agonized over doing so. When my stepmom told me that she was okay with me not calling her that and that it was my decision, I found a bit of control in a situation otherwise beyond my control. While I chose to call her Mom, I also tried not to do so in front of my "other mom." I don't know all of the circumstances, but with my own experience, maybe she felt like the choice she made was the only one she could make without losing her mother.
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divorce
Been there. You hit the nail right on the head -- his drinking overpowers or affects every aspect of your life, and your childrens' lives. Every day, every minute. Most people can't comprehend the constant stress that puts on a family. He's absolutely miserable with his drinking, and wants everybody around him to be as miserable as he is. Tired of walking on the eggshells and sick of the promises that mean nothing? I know I was! Drunks tell you what they think you want to hear to buy them more time. You need peace in your lives for once. You need to be able to predict what your day is going to be like when you wake up in the morning, and so do your kids. I hope it is a 'friendly' divorce for you. You may hurt his ego more than anything else. Good luck to you. I'll be keeping good thoughts for you. I will tell you this -- when my ex left after 12 years, my children and I finally felt like we could BREATHE.
Just let me know about the divorce! nm
m
divorce
Me, too, Freebie - I absolutely despised the man after 17-1/2 yrs., got divorced. He had the nerve to die 5 yrs. later. Had I stayed, I would be on easy street now instead of wondering whether to pay the phone bill, the electric bill or pay for Christmas or charge it. If I only knew then what I know now - haunting isn't it?
Divorce
My children were 14 and 11 at the time of my divorce, they are now 24 and 21 and are happy productive adults that any mother would be proud of. Not to say it wasn`t a very hard thing to go through, but all the fighting is very hard on the children to. I remember my daughter telling me that if I was to ever take her dad back she would be very mad at me, what does that tell you, if your children are old enough, talk to them about their feeling and fears.
Also, their dad got in their in there head and promised them all kinds of things that never came to past, to get them to stay with him so he didn`t have to pay child support,so be ready for that to, but as I said it didn`t take my daughter long to figure that all out, now she is grown and married and her and her dad hardly speak, which breaks my heart, it not fair that a child should have to do without either parent. Anyway I could go on about this subject all night cause it is a heartbreaking thing for all involved.
But you are the only one that know if it`s worth hanging on to.
my prayer`s go out to you in whatever you decide.
After my divorce
and my 45th birthday, it seems like everything changed for me. Things I thought were important, aren't anymore. I don't care about what I have, I'm more interested in what I've done, or more specifically, haven't done yet. Even my politics have changed some. Life changes you. Its like Character Remodeling as we mature.
I've always been suspect of anyone over 45 who tells me that they have no regrets in life. Have they lived life with eyes wide open? Nothing could have been made better?
In some ways, if you aren't evolving and changing, is it possible that you are not living? Great question.
divorce
It takes time. Be extra kind to yourself, seek support if you need to. It does get better, trust me. I am now in a place where I'm happiest I've ever been. I'm still alone but independent and free!
Divorce
I divorced my first husband when my children were 1 and 3. He was a crack addict. It wasn't easy but it was the right decision for me. I would definitely suggest going to Al-Anon. I didn't make it there until quite a few after my divorce, but it helped me a great deal. Best of luck with your decision.
Shelly
If you are going through with the divorce,
it will come out when you list assests, debts, etc.
divorce
I always think it is funny when women think divorce is the best thing for everyone and will make everyone happy.
Kids need two parents whether you are divorced or not, not a counselor to straighten him out.
Divorce
My jerk of a husband told me I have less than 2 weeks to move out -- that he spoke with a lawyer -- personally I don't think he has, but is this legal? My name is not on our home, but I have my own car in my own name, which I pay for and he has a set of keys-- refuses to give them back to me. I have about $80.00 to my name these days until payday. You know how it is with MT work -- living paycheck to paycheck. What can I do? Is there free legal help for women?
Divorce
My jerk of a husband told me I have less than 2 weeks to move out -- that he spoke with a lawyer -- personally I don't think he has, but is this legal? My name is not on our home, but I have my own car in my own name, which I pay for and he has a set of keys-- refuses to give them back to me. I have about $80.00 to my name these days until payday. You know how it is with MT work -- living paycheck to paycheck. What can I do? Is there free legal help for women?
It means...
I don't care for organized religion. I believe there are some truths in most religions - the Golden Rule, live a life of moderation, try to make the world a better place. I believe there are spiritual aspects to our existence, that we are not just bones and skin and blood, we are something more. As to exactly what that "more" consists of - I read, I study, I learn, I experience....maybe one day I'll figure it out. Or maybe not.
Don't know if this answers your question, but it's the best I can do.
perhaps? That means maybe...
.
So that means don't put his name in
the hat for gift exchange or expect him to help decorate or attend a party. I think the amount the company spends per employee on any parties (if they are the ones paying) could simply be given to him as a check. Other employees could be told they have this option also. Maybe there is somebody else who thinks it's a lot of nonsense but just kept their mouth shut, but now they have the option of getting a check.
That's what I'd do if I were the OM or giving ideas to the OM. I'd still decorate if the majority want to, but avoid using real greenery for a completely different reason - a lot of people are now extremely allergic to Christmas trees or boughs that have been treated with some chemical to extend their life.
what it means
When he calls you that name, it means he has contempt for you. When he projects everything to be your fault, he also holds you in contempt. This is verbal and emotional abuse. As far as punching the wall, the wall is the stand in for what he would like to do to you and he may eventually punch you. Take it from me, who was called every dirty name ever invented by my spouse and whose doors and walls had holes and dents.
I would put your well-being and that of your child first and seek therapy. It would be great if he went, but he sees you as the problem, and he may refuse to go. You can't fix him. He needs to fix himself.
As much as you may not want to hear this, leaving him may be the best thing for your own sanity and self-preservation and also so your child doesn't have to grow up in that environment.
If you can't afford therapy, there may be a battered woman's group in your area that can give you information and advice. I utilized my local group and found it very helpful.
The only regret that I have about my marriage is that I stayed in it far too long.
means.
x
I think she means
that with unstable dry sand, or even with sand of a wetter consistency, if a hole is too deep (over a child's head)it is possible for them to be in the hole and the sides collapse in on top of them. Just inform your kids that they cannot dig over a foot or so deep; make whatever limit you feel safe with. There's nothing to fear if they keep it shallow.
This happened to a man I knew years ago with dirt, not sand, but I agree it would be possible in sand and probably easier done. He was working in a ditch deeper than he was tall, and when it collapsed on top of him, it killed him. I do believe that is what 'SM' is warning against.
And that means?
Marriage is mostly a gamble. Some turn out alright, some don’t. I think it has nothing to do with the fact of the friend spilling her soul to a daughter.
thank you so much that means a lot to me
i'm in tears. I'm so glad you are happy.
Amicable divorce, can it be done?....sm
It's time DH and I end our marriage. It's not a good situation for any of us. Long story short, DH thinks it is me because I'm a miserable B**ch. All I know is DH is an alcoholic, which overpowers everything, so I have no idea, in all honesty, what lies beneath. The kids and I pretty much know every morning when we get up that today will end like every other day with dad coming home after his six pack +, feeling guilty, looking for imperfections in everyone else to gripe about to avoid the fact that he's drunk once again, and no mater how much we try, in the end, in an argument.
I'm mad at DH for choosing the alcohol over his family, I'm angry at myself for staying longer than I should have, etc., etc., etc.
I've decided the bottom line is that I want healthier, more peaceful, and more productive lives for myself and my kids. In the best interest of my children, he is their father and no matter how much hostility I feel towards him, the best thing for my children is that neither of their parents ends up destroyed or broke over the divorce. Basically, I want to remain focused on the goal of providing a better life to myself and my children, including not contributing to the destruction of their father. My suspicion is he is going to end up destroying himself anyway, but I honestly don't want to force that to happen. The optimal outcome for the kids would be to end up with two emotionally stable and financially secure parents. Is it possible to end the marriage without destroying the kids? Is it possible to stay focused on the ultimate goal of having a more peaceful and satisfying life for you and the kids and to just let go of anything that does not make a positive contribution toward that effort? Has anyone successfully managed an "amicable" divorce, or at least as amicable as possible? I've already wasted 15 years on a marriage I knew all along was never going to be successfull no matter how much I wanted it to be. Any advice?
Question of dog in divorce
I filed for divorce due to abuse, only married 4 years with no kids but we do have a dog. He is considered "marital property" in my state and therefore part of the equitable distribution which is 50/50. I am wondering how it will be decided who gets him. My soon to be ex did pay for the dog (a purebred) but he has been at home with me from day one so. Has anyone been through anything similar that can give me a clue as to how this might be decided?
This came up when my daughter got a divorce
and she and her husband got their dogs from the humane society. I was heartbroken thinking the dogs would be going back. I had already thought what kind of ad I would put in the paper, maybe hunting a good home for my granddogs.Long story short, she and her ex now share joint custody. Both are on good terms with each other and if my daughter needs time for herself, she contacts him and they switch the dogs over to his place and vice versa. It is so great for me and I still have those little ones in my life.
How long until the divorce comes
through??
I can't believe he'd do that. Men. Just wait till she puts Ex-Lax in his brownie right before his big presentation at work.
After a divorce is final...
After a divorce is final...what are your thoughts on the mother and her child requesting that their names be changed back to her maiden name?
"Traditionally, courts ruled that a father had an automatic right to have his child keep his last name if he continued to actively perform his parental role. Although there is still some bias in this direction, it is no longer strictly true. Now a child's name may be changed by court petition when it is clearly in the best interest of the child to do so. When deciding whether to grant a name change, courts consider many factors, such as the length of time the father's name has been used, the strength of the mother-child relationship and the need of the child to identify with a new family unit (if the change involves remarriage). The courts must balance these factors against the strength and importance of the father-child relationship. What this all boils down to is that it's up to a judge to decide which name is in the child's best interest."
What would really be in the childs best interest if he doesn't grow to know his father anyway? keep the last name? or change it?
See a divorce attorney
Find out what your rights are in your state. If the children are staying with you, then your husband should be the one to leave. It doesn't matter if he says he won't do it. It matters what the law says he will do. If you have a court order telling him to leave, he will either leave or go to jail.
I understand how difficult this is, I really do. I have been married a long time and have come very close to divorce, to the point of physical separation, twice. No matter how bad the situation is, your life is entwined with your husband's and it hurts to break those ties.
But for your sake and the sake of your children, you need to do it. And you need to be prepared. That is why you must to have someone on your side who knows the law and can help you make sure you and your children are protected and get everything that you need and deserve.
Try Divorce Care
I went through a divorce. The kids were very young and many years after the divorce, the kids started asking questions. I heard of a program through our church called Divorce Care. It was wonderful! That support group helped my children as well as myself. Google it and there just may be a church in your area that provides that. Good luck.
See inside RE: Divorce.
It sounds like you have gone in different directions; however, marriage is about compromise. It sounds as though you've gone in different directions. What a shame. It is a tough world, but think before you act because I know someone who was in your shoes, and she divorced her husband and now it is really hard for her to make enough to survive, let alone, have any fun. I think it sounds like you need a "weekend getaway" to number one, light that flame again. You also need to do some research on your own and try to compromise in where you live. It is obvious you will need to be the house hunter, and then once you find what you want within reason for distance to his job, hunting, backyard, etc., you sell it to him in a way that first and foremost meets his needs, and then put your needs second this time. That way, he feels "ownership", and you in the long run get exactly what you want. Keep in mind, men are just big little boys, and most want a very simple life. l wish you all the luck, but I wouldn't give up on your marriage as your children will ultimately suffer.
My SIL wanted a divorce until
he got accepted into medical school. Then things changed rather quickly. The person he is married to now he met in med school and they graduated together and work together at the same hospital. She encouraged him and motivated him the entire time he was in school. He didn't start med school until he was 31 so it was a big decision on his part. Am so proud of him.
Divorce is like suicide
It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Wait a while and things will get better. It always does. I have been married to the same guy for 40 years and I dated him for 5 years before I married him and based on this experience I give you my "aged" wise advice!
I think you are just ticked off that he never considers what you want to do and so you feel like if he went to Africa or somewhere for a few months it would give you a respite from anger. Go to counseling or get a friend of his (if he has one who is suitable) to let him know that your complaint is a valid one and that he needs to take a look at his behavior of always making plans without consulting you. Let him know that you guys are a "we" not an "I". Just temporarily, go downtown and get a pedicure and buy something new for your trip that he planned that you did not want to go on. You will feel better, have a new outfit or two, and your feet will be lovely until this resolves itself (and it will).
Sometimes it comes down to divorce OR suicide
I've known too many people who pretended it would get better someday and it never did. All it did was add years of misery to their lives. Depends on the issues and the big picture - sometimes divorce is the best answer.
Except FL has no fault divorce. Everything is 50/50.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Can't seem to move on after divorce
I'm divorced now for quite a few years and have just had absolutely no interest in dating. I have 2 children (older) and bringing men into their lives in any capacity has never sat right with me, yet I'm lonely. My ex has moved on (in a new relationship) and unfortunately I have to be around them during kid's functions. It's not that I'm pining for my ex. I just miss being a family unit. I sought a little counseling but it didn't help. I'd appreciate any advice anyone might have who has been in a similar situation.
What do I think? Time for a divorce!
I will NEVER be able to understand why women put up with stuff like this. Your husband sounds like an ***.
I have - or had - a friend whose husband was like this. Very controlling. They fought all the time because unlike you, she WOULD push the issue constantly. The fights eventually became physical. After so many times of her crying on my shoulder and asking for advice (my advice was pretty obvious), I finally decided I couldn't be her friend anymore. I did care for her, but I can't be the shoulder ever time he hits her and then be waiting for the next time to say the same things again.
It bothers me a lot that women put up with controlling jerks like that, and I just can't stomach being part of it. That is your sister! Who is he to tell you that you can't see her?
Ugh, this kind of stuff makes my stomach turn.
Yes, get a divorce lawyer - sm
I talked to one before I confessed to my DH about the debt he knew nothing about ($88K) figuring my marriage would be over. In the event of a divorce I would have walked away with no debt, no home, but enough leftover to either buy a house with a good downpayment, or rent and be able to afford it for quite a while. I know my DH would have tried to get the kids too but I don't think he would have "won" despite my deception about the debt. I do everything for my kids, he does nothing except make dinner a couple times a week and takes them to the movies or skating every 3-4 weeks, that is it. I never got so low as to open cards in his name, and I am thankful I never sunk to that level though it did cross my mind once or twice I knew it was horribly wrong. I suspect he just filled out them in your name, maybe even on line, and then transfered his debt to yours, possibly putting himself as a user on the account, but even w/o doing that he could still transfer his debt to "your card", I know, I would transfer debt off my husband's cards onto mine so his credit would stay pristine, and so he would not find out. I would inform the companies that you did not open the accounts, have a fraud investigation started. As for telling him about the debt, since you are already heading for divorce, I would not tell him a thing, let the lawyers figure it out. They will do a list of assets and debts and figure it all out in the settlement. He can find out then. Run a credit report on yourself and find out how many cards he opened up in your name, and call each one, or better yet talk to a lawyer first and see what they have to say on the matter. I know my mess was/is bad but very thankful my DH ended up to be forgiving enough or just too lazy to go thru another divorce (I am his 2nd wife), and/or did not want to put the kids thru that. But the sooner you get the ball rolling and start taking care of things the better you will feel, I know, I feel so much better now. You kids will be happier too. Do not stay for the kids or keeping a stable home, etc. If you are miserable, then they are too and it is a horrible example for them. In my case a miracle happened and things are better than they have been in a long time, but it sounds like your case is terminal. I wish you the best of luck.
My psychiatrist says I need to get a divorce
I never thought this would happen to me, but after 3 visits, my psychiatrist says that I'm wasting my life and my husband's by staying in this marriage. DH hasn't fallen out of love, but I married for the wrong reasons and life has gotten stressful and I've been so depressed I wanted to die. This MD says my marriage is a goner and I need to face it and get out. These are terrible economic times to try to go it alone, and one of my problems with my marriage is that we have not managed money well, so I'll come out of it with more debt than equity. And what a terrible time to try to sell a house. Yuck.
Oddly I found somebody with a townhouse with a room to rent and a separate bathroom near my work. It would cut my commute down to nothing, and I really wish I could move right in and get on with my life. So I guess the psychiatrist is right, but am I up to all the work ahead to get out on my own and survive??
Before the divorce he never came to my house...sm
and he lived next door. He never called, never cared about associating with me or not. I seen him of course because I was living right next to him. That is what is so weird for me. We have never been close at all. Daddy was always a loner who didn't like to be bothered with children, his or anyone else's.
Fortunately, since divorce sm
I do not have to give a ****. Actually before that, did not give a **** either. Nonsense.
No when you get a DIVORCE that makes ...sm
you SINGLE once again because you are divorced and no longer married.
I'm not thinking about divorce
I'm just trying to understand these feelings. Like I said, I would be devastated without my husband. He's my best friend. And there is nothing wrong between us.
I just don't understand why I constantly feel like I am at war with myself. Everything is fine, so why is half of me so afraid, restless, whatever you want to call it?
I am sorry about your marriage. I couldn't imagine being with someone for that long and then having to decide to leave. I don't know if I would be tough enough to do that!
No, I would not go. If that means he goes and you spend TG by yourself so be it.
After enduring 13 years of the "in-laws" I gave my husband an ultimatum - either them or me and I meant it. I was not putting up with them anymore. Fortunately, he chose me and his kids, and our lives have been so peaceful for the past 6 years without them in it! I just severed the ties.
Good luck with your situation. I really feel for you.
My mom always says "stay away from those who disrupt your inner peace." I listened to her advice.
I could be wrong but I think the OP means....sm
I read the OP's post as meaning if HEAVEN FORBID something happened either to their relationship (breaking up for example) or to her DH (heaven forbid but we don't know around the corner, eh?) - that she perhaps might want more children (with a 2nd husband is how I read this). I don't read it as selfish - I read it as WHAT IF HE DIES.......and she chooses to get remarried or WHAT IF THEY DIVORCE and she chooses to get remarried.
So, yeah, to the OP - the post made some *sense* to me as you were hoping it made to most of us. Best luck! 
I don't think he is spoiled by any means..sm
he just likes natural food. There is nothing wrong with that. If it was my kitty though, and this is not meant to be judgemental so please don't take it that way, I would probably delay the vacation until the kitty was a little older. But that's just me.
The word means to
water something down, not meaning neuter. IF you have a concetrated solution, you can put water in and that would so call neutralize it. Two completely different words.
I think a *record* means NOTHING if you have to - sm
CHEAT (i.e., steroids) in order to achieve it. He's still so OBVIOUSLY all 'roided up.... puffy face, oversized neck, etc. Heck, if I shot all that junk into my body, I could probably hit just as many homers out of the park, and I don't even play baseball!
I'm just SO thankful they didn't interrupt *Big Brother* to bring us the *news*.
yes, it means something to the Jewis and to
A little cultural education about others goes a long, long way!! You might want to check into it......
It means, that back then you were in the sm
midst of full living and happiness with important people in your life. To pay attention to now because now is here and you should be creating happiness at this moment so when you look back you can say, ahhh, that was all good. You deserve to be happy. So if your not, find a way. If you are, be aware of it and count your blessings!
I think it means sharp tap.
Kind of like a teacher might do on her desk to get the class' attention.
I think it means you are still willing to learn (sm)
Something I have noticed about being "defined" is that sometimes it gets in the way of learning something new or even correcting old cherished ideas that are really wrong.
I have come to have definite and convictions about things, but it took time and something I still do is draw contrasts with other ideas to see if I still am comfortable thinking the way I do. Some things I have become more sure of, some refined and others discarded.
If I was going to give advice, I would say to keep asking questions about things and when you get answers, analyze whether they really make sense. It sounds like that is already what you do. As you go, you will become more sure about some things you believe now and other things are yet to be discovered.
One more thing I would advise: Keep an open mind and don't discount anyone as possibly having the information you need to find what is right and true.
No, it means you had sex on the same night, 13
x
Thank you for caring. It means a lot.
ss
I think OP means she would use the terms
mentally handicapped or mentally challenged. At least those are the terms I usually hear now-a-days. Good luck to you and your family.
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