I am not always, perfect with it, but have learned that
Posted By: if I over do it 1 day, just dont let it turn into- on 2007-08-13
In Reply to: Good for you, now send some of your Will-power my way please. nm - trose
a whole week or a month. Enjoy yourself now and again and have what you want is also the key for me.
Will power and determination, and prayers, coming you way !!
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LOL - no such thing as perfect kid or perfect adult for that matter (nm)
x
Yes, in a perfect world.....this one if FAR from perfect ; )
x
I think she has learned
Sounds like she has learned. . I think you did the right thing. .
Maybe you have never learned how to
relax and you don't realize how you sound when you talk to people. Have you ever recorded one of these conversations to play it back for yourself later? Exercise like Pilates or relaxation therapy with biofeedback might really help you sound more relaxed when you converse with people.
I'm 48 and this is what I know/learned
I can quilt, clean, bake and my cooking is so-so. I'd prefer to bake. I grew up in New England in the 60s when in winter we'd have huge ice and snow storms, and depending on the season we learned different things. My mom taught us how to quilt, sew (plus I took sewing in home ec, girl scouts & 4H - I have lost touch and want to learn again). We learned how to can food for the winter, garden in the summer/fall. We lived in the country and mom would take sis and me into the woods in our backyard and she would point out plants, flowers, types of trees etc teaching us which is edible, poisonous, etc (however if my life depended on it now I'd surely be dead). She taught us candle making, kitting and she tried some crotchet but I couldn't get the hang of it. Her aunt taught her how to TAT (if you can't get crotcheting you certainly won't get tatting) :-). My dad taught us cooking, baking, morse code, and cleaning (he was a cook in the service and also learned morse code, and he would not let us get our drivers licence until we knew and could prove two things. We had to be able to change a flat tire by ourselves without help and he would drive us in the middle of nowhere (there was lots of nowhere in New England) somewhere we were not familiar with and he'd distract us along the way, and then hand me a map and told me to find my way back home shortest route possible so as not to run out of gas. Even my grandmother taught us things (she lived a 2 minute walk from our house). She taught us how to darn socks (I asked why she didn't just buy new ones and I thought she'd fall over in a fit HA HA), she taught us mending, patching, ironing (she had the most crisp and well ironed bed sheets :-). Even though my mom didn't have to say it we knew these were life skills we may need to fall back on. There has been a lot of knowledge I've lost along the way, my interests have changed and there are new things I'd love to learn. I do think more and more people are so used to just throwing things away, but with times like they are I think everyone will start making due with what they have and learn to repair.
I have learned
to stay out of it and I learned this by experience. I had a very good friend (widowed) who got involved with this guy who was 30 years older than her. At first like everyone else I assumed that money was involved but being her friend, I decided to talk some sense into her. I gave her the usual reasons why she should NOT marry this guy. He was older than her mother, what would people say, he probably could not have kids and even if they did have kids, he'd probably die and leave her a single mother. I really cared for her and felt that I was looking out for her because obviously she had lost her mind. She told me that although she loved her mother, she could not live her life to please her. She said that she did not care what people thought because people will think what they want to no matter what you did in your life. She said that she was a widow and that had she had children with her first husband, she would be a single mother anyway. So like any good friend would do, I supported her. Today, years after, they are one of the happiest couples that I know. Her mother thinks the world of her son-in-law (especially since he treats her daughter the way she deserves) and her real friends (me included) get the joy of spending time with a couple who makes you smile every time you visit them and you feel the love and respect that they have for each other touch you. I am blessed to be considered a friend by both of them. It is not for everyone, but for those who do enter into a May/December relationship good luck to them.
Ah but most of us learned the language! lol
x
I learned from my grandma's and we did that for my FIL.
His service was the best...just friends telling stories about him. I think the reason for the "saving" is because my grandma's funeral was in Iowa. Plus, honestly, I didn't expect that. It was horrible.
yes and they learned more about the shooter
Such a shame but in Korea they teach in the schools all kinds of antiamericanism...though he did come here when he was 8 years old...1992.
Very said, indeed, and I pray for all the victims, their families, the town of Blacksburg and students, families alike, and for the heroes of this HORRIBLE incident, especially Professor Librescu, an Israeli teacher who helped the kids and died in the end and who was a Holocaust survivor himself.
GOD BLESS THEM ALL!
Lessons learned
Believe me, I knew absolutely nothing when I looked at houses on my own for the first time. Oooo! Pretty kitchen! Nice carpet! Love the color of the living room! Then when I had the home inspection done which cost me a good chunk of change, and boy did I learn fast. I had a 35 page report from him. I passed on the house, but I took that report to every house I looked at after before calling him to come look again and dishing out more money for the inspection. I cringe when I think of what could have been had I bought that house without his expertise. I would be in financial ruins trying to keep up with the repairs or selling it at a loss.
I learned a lot from biofeedback.
I don't have any pain issues anymore, and I think learning to relax was key. I had no idea what my muscles were doing until I started getting massage from a physical therapist, and it felt great, but the effect didn't last because I couldn't stop the muscles from coiling back up on me. That's why I did the relaxation therapy with biofeedback, and I learned a lot.
I recently learned that among those who are into -
New Age beliefs (which I'm not particularly), a personality type called "Indigo" exists. The 25 traits that make up an Indigo fit me and my authority-questioning ways to a T. It was quite a shock how exact the match was. Even more interesting was other people's descriptions of their lives, etc. as an Indigo. You might check that term out, cuz you just might be one, too!
According to the teachings of that group, Indigos often lead difficult lives because they spend much of them swimming against the current, but that they are ultimately the ones who will save the world.
Food for thought, when it comes to the differences between leaders, and followers!
Wow --- here's a few tricks we learned
about Dish -- maybe it will work with Direct TV, too. We wanted a better deal with our Dish. Our original contract was up and we were free agents. We stayed with them for about 5 years after the contract ended. That was when they came out with the extra boxes for a few dollars more a month. Originally, you couldn't do that. I called them up and asked them if we could get in on that deal. They said no. So we switched to Direct TV. I had already signed a contract with Direct and they were scheduled to come out the next day. I called Dish and told them I was cancelling our service and then they switched me over to a "cancellation specialist", who then proceeded to offer me the very offer I requested originally. Well, it was too little too late. We were already signed up for Direct TV. We stayed on with Direct TV for our 2 years. At the end of the 2 years, I called Dish back up and resigned as a new customer. Somewhere during that time, my remote broke. I didn't have the warranty coverage. The Dish rep told me that I could sign up for it for $6.95 a month and then call back in tell them I needed the remote replaced. She said you could cancel the warranty plan at any time. $6.95 for a new remote sounded good to me. I've done that twice now in all the time we've had Dish.
Then about 2 or 3 years later (still with Dish) we decided to add additional TVs in the house. I called in and asked about it and of course was told the deals were only for new customers. I said okay. Cancel me as a customer. They switched me over to the "cancellation specialist" who then proceeded to offer me what the other rep couldn't. I asked her why they couldn't just give me that deal to begin with and she said they weren't "authorized" to. I figure it's just their way of trying to make money however they can.
Not long ago, we had a disaster happen that ruined our Dish boxes/remotes/outside dish, everything. We called Dish up and told them and their rep worked every angle he could to get us the best deal with the least responsibility for the destroyed units.
Maybe we didn't like Direct because we were so used to Dish -- the programming setup, etc. I do know one thing I like about Direct (my friend has it) -- you can still get East/West coast channels for little to nothing. Dish took them away for a long time and just recently brought them back, but I think it's expensive.
We can't get cable either where we live now, but when we were able to get it, we went with Dish because our cable company sux. I don't know if anything above will work the same with Direct, but it might be worth a try if you ever need to.
I have learned that in these types
of situations, it is impossible to get all the information you need to figure out exactly what is going on. Too many people gossip and pass on bad information.
On the other hand, maybe I am missing something, but it sounds like you are saying that your son broke up with this girl because he couldn't be alone with her. If that is what you mean, then I can see why she would be upset and hurt. That would look like he tossed her aside because of what he was not getting.
OMG! I just learned my son was on drugs
What do I do? He's going to be 40 this year. I had heard years ago that he started on majjuania when he was over in Japan in the service, but didn't believe it. He and his wife broke up (supposedly) over her use of of meth and cocaine, but I didn't believe that either. Lately, he 's been bringing some "not so nice looking" friends around here for approval and not recieiving that, so I have not seen him since Christmas Eve. Tonight, I heard he is on heroin. This is absolutely the straw that broke the camel's back. He always denied he was on meth or cocaine, but tonight's "revealation" is absolutely too much if it's true.
I'm broken-hearted and devastated over this latest "rumor/truth" (from more than 1 person) and don't really know how to bring the subject up and/or confront him with this. I'm so disappointed [in my son] and thought he was smarter than this. Now I understand why he is not actively trying to find work (unemployed since May last year).
Any suggestions? Forget rehab unless it's free. We can't afford it.He's my only son and he had a very tough life trying to live up to my husband's idea of a (step)son, but he really looks up to him now. We have another son (my stepson) who never got into drugs, why my son? Could his life been so bad?
I love my son but am thoroughly upset with this latest revelation. I just don't know what to do, and would like to stand behind him, but if drugs are his first love, I'm afraid I can't do that. I'm not really a confrontal person and don't want to lsoe my son, but if he gets caught, I'm afraid I won't/can't bail him out of jail.
Your thoughts?
I have learned to move on.
I gave both my kids everything including all the love I could, taught them the right way to treat people, cherished them beyond belief, worked hard to give them what they needed growing up (just me raising them, divorced). In talking with DH yesterday I really do not feel that either 1 of the kids loves me like they should. I do not see nor talk with my son now due to a falling out we had in 2005 and my girl, well she is a me type, all about her. If you cannot change things, just learn how to live with them the way they are or wish them well in their lives.
This is what I learned in training...sm
If you do not believe in rewarding good behavior with a tiny treat, then stop reading here. We started on very short walks first. When Shadow would pull on the leash, I would say no, stopped abruptly at the same time, then made him sit before starting again. If he walked without pulling, I would give praise and slip him a treat while walking--do not stop walking. It took a lot of patience, but he now stays close by without a leash (well, most of the time). Good luck.
Oh, that's perfect. It's a bit more than 50, but I'm going
Perfect Day
Friday and today just perfect here on the coast of Maine. High 70's, clear bright blue sky, no humidity, endless sunshine, sparkling ocean. It doesn't get any better than this!
Perfect Mom
//
I think what you did was perfect (sm)
He will not forget you just being there letting him cry. Sometimes that's all you can do for someone who is experiencing any type of grief. He should start to feel better in the next couple of weeks but may end up doing better if he starts venturing out and at least thinking about others he might want to date in the future...? You are there for him, you listen and don't belittle him and you share in his pain. What more can anyone do? We want our children to never suffer but they do...and it makes them better people eventually. You're a great mom! :-)
Perfect, what's that.
:).
I always say about church too, when people think they are better than anyone else because they go to church every week,
well, I do not want to belong to a church where everyone is perfect. :)
(needless to say there are those that think I need to go to "pastor's wife school." LOL.
Sorry for getting off track.
Perfect
Yes this is great!
If I don't work for them or with them, I stay completely away from them. Learned that in a book called "How to deal with difficult people," and another book on verbal abuse.
It is all about control with these types. If they can't control you, they will get angry, but if you just clam up, be nice like the poster said above if you have to see them, just smile and say nothing.
For me, since I work at home, if I run into one of these at my husband's job (he's a pastor so there are a lot of these types at church), I just stay away from them completely. Use caller ID. Do not open the e mail, etc. They eventually give up on me and try someone else. But I think this is why I don't work in an office anymore and I pick and choose who I deal with or not. Took counseling though because I used to want to be nice to everyone and always especially the difficult ones, because I wanted them to "like me." Now, I want to be liked by mentally healthy people, not control freaks. Long story short, no info to them, smile, walk away and if you can stay completely away from them. Remember, it's them not you! Good luck.
Wow, Perfect example.
That should have never happened. It was malicious or intended but things happen through carelessness. I don't think teenagers or young adults really get that until they either experience something like this or close to it first hand or have children who depend on them. It puts life in a completely different perspective. What a shame.
Nah, don't need proof, was just curious what you learned.
Nah, don't want proof, was just curious.
I learned so much when I bought and then refinanced (sm)
that I was astounded. I've probably forgotten a lot of it and will have to retrain myself for the next time!! Your 'loan boy' as you call him will probably tell you he needs this info so the underwriter will not turn you down automatically - that's a ploy they use to get everything they can out of you. If they ran your credit you have a right to have a copy of it and you can take it to your next place, give it to them and ask for some numbers. Then if they look good to you and you want to go with them - they can run the credit again. And like someone else said - it is not at all unusual to check with several mortgage companies when doing something like this and those are not big dings on your credit.... inquiries for the same thing are lumped together. You would not believe how aggressive you can be and how much you can get if you get pushy - they act like they are doing you a huge favor when in fact they need your business - go where you get treated well - you will never be sorry. Go to a credit union if at all possible - the closing costs are really minimal and if they can take directly from your checking account - you can usually get a better rate also - they like knowing they can count on the same amount each month on the same day. Get your credit scores and call around - tell them your score is say 725, you are self employed, you want $300,000 and want to pay less than $2,000 in closing costs. I bet you would be surprised. Good luck!!
exactly! Hate is learned from home too.....
I remember a song from South Pacific called "You've Got To Be Taught" (To Hate and Fear)......
it is learned behavior whether it be at home or from the schools
One thing I have learned in life--sm
is to never mix business or money with friendship. Always put everything in writing. It avoids confusion such as this down the road and everybody knows up front what is expected of them, not to mention having all your ducks in a row and the laws on your side when you have to go to court to collect what is owed you. I know that you meant that you were giving her the extra time to come up with the money and not that you were just letting her stay there free out of *friendship* and so does she. *Friends* do not try to take advantage of their friends, like she is doing to you. If you have not already done it, write up an agreement stating all the terms clearly and make her sign it. Also keep VERY good records on what she pays you and when. You will need that when you have to go to court. If she does not want to sign the agreement or becomes offended, then consider the fact that she intends to stiff you again in the future and that she is not truly a friend, but looking for a free ride. I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but you have to protect yourself in this world these days. Actions speak louder than words and her actions have already shown you what direction she is taking. The writing is on the wall...heed it, and good luck to you.
Lesson learned I guess but ..
I do not know how close you are with her and I would not want to start a family feud but I would buy a new one and present her with the bill and ask for half. I also would never loan her another thing. I would have asked for it back way before that time though. Even with family members I trust I always ask for things back after about a month or so just because of that. When I do loan things out I also tell them you break it you replace it. But you do need to speak up.
our poor cat children have learned sm
To duck and cover when mommy and daddy reach out to pet their heads, especially our oldest boy. The ears and the nose seem to be the most sensitive. If the 'kids' come into the office to visit me while I am working and I leave my headphones on, I can actually hear the static crackle!!!
Also, I noticed that if I stroke the cats from head to tip of tail, it seems to complete a circuit of some sort and the tails will actually spark sometimes. Doesn't seem to bother them, but the ears and nose- that is another story.
hc
I have to take care of myself and learned this the hard way sm
I used to push and push and push. I tried to convince myself I only need 4 hours of sleep a night, that I CAN work two jobs full time or nearly so, that I could not go to bed with a messy house. It came to a point where I nearly died because I got too sick and had a near-fatal drug interaction.
The upshot of all that mess was that I have SLE and later found to have celiac disease. My kidneys leak protein, my face has started to scar with the rashes I get. I can't enjoy the sunshine from any place other than the shade, and even then not much of it. At times the fatigue seems neverending. I didn't get a clue about proper rest, exercise and most importantly SLEEP.
I am on chronic steriods and they help, but they are not a cure. I am better, but I am not well. I have been working some odd hours over the past couple of months and it has come to a point where I am sick and having trouble regaining some ground here. I will make it, but it is going to take time and I am feeling impatient.
Because of the celiac, there are all sorts of things I can't eat. I have to have a low protein diet so that I can preserve kidney function (the drugs don't do all the work), and then I am hypoglycemic. Oh yes, meal preparation and eating is a nightmare! The special celiac flours for bread making are pricey and hard to find, and most of the bread is awful at that.
I end up spending a lot on food, and I am a cheapskate. I have to sleep at least 8 hours a night and watch every thing I do. I end up feeling better, but I HATE having to do so much for myself just so I can function!!!!
You have to take care of yourself along, not have a wake up call in your late 40s. If I had been better when I was younger, I would not be in such bad shape. Hindsight is 20/20.
He's learned to push your buttons
and boy is he pushing them. The hardest thing you have to learn to do is not argue with him. Don't try to reason with him, don't try to make sense of a situation for him or with him. If you want him to do option A and he argues, give him option B, but make option B so completely horrific that he has no choice but to go for option A. Have this conversation with him once. If he still argues, explain that Option A is still on the table, but in addition to that he'll get to do Option B as well. Or something like that. And then follow through. Whatever you promise/threaten, you have to follow through. They figure it out really fast when you dont' mean it.
The point is you can't argue with him. He's figured that out and he's probably figured that if he wears on you enough you'll give in to him in some fashion. Pull out the "because I'm the Mommy and I said so" card if you have to. Don't, don't, don't argue or discuss things with him. That's where he's figuring out where your cracks are.
I'm good with the going to bed hungry deal, too. If he complains, give his dinner to the dog and he can have breakfast in the morning. Again, he would get one warning and then he'd see me give Fido the plate. I don't think that will take more than one or two times for him to figure it out. The other key is to make sure that any snacks that are in the house are put away in places he can't get to.
Once you and hubby are consistent with these types of rules, if he is still having this kind of behavior, then I would absolutely look into therapy. Especially if this is new behavior and hasn't been growing for a while.
I learned to disrespect authority. -(nm)-
Her mother was not perfect and she
did not "raise" Daniel either. Her mother was not a saint and all of their problems did not just stem from Anna's problems.
and I'm sure you're perfect
with no quirks at all LOL
So because this world is far from perfect--sm
we are just supposed to toss up our hands and say *oh well, that is the way it is, so just let it be*? I don't think so. Evil is as evil does. We are supposed to fight evil, not hold hands with it. BE the change you want to see in this world. Only we can change it and not by sitting on our *** saying "Oh well, that's the way of the world." jeez, how blind!
Ooohh, that's a perfect one. Thanks! nm
x
It's the eyes - too far apart - I'm perfect!!
Well, I'm as big as a horse lately - so it's perfect ! LOL (nm)
x
You must have perfect gaydar then
A person who has spent a lifetime faking being straight can be pretty darn good at it - some nerve you have acting like any wife that has been deceived this way should have known! People who marry for ulterior motives can be very convincing and even superior people such as yourself may someday get deceived.
In a perfect world
What is your idea of a perfect world - it can be anything from the craziest of crazy ideas to very simple ones. Here's my ideas:
1. No more pharmaceutical commercials. Let our doctors tell us what meds we need, not us tell our doctors we think they should give us.
2. Pharmaceutical companies would not "rule the doctors" (okay sort of part #1, but a little different).
3. No more "stup!d" commercials that demoralize our intelligence like the pepto bismol commercial, free credit report, and about 95% of the other commercials.
4. Every child would be considered a gift from the gods (whatever one you believe in), and their lives would be treated as precious as they are and there would be no killing or abuse of young children. If parents cannot handle having children they would bring them to the nearest safe place and say I can't handle this anymore, please let someone else take care of them (instead of killing and burying them out where no one can find them). Then couples who can't have children would have a chance.
5. The government would tell us the truth about why they are spraying chemicals (chem trails) into the atmosphere and poisoning all of us.
6. The goverment would tell us what's up with the UFOs instead of keeping it a secret. I think we are all adults and can handle the truth.
7. Hollywood actors & actresses would quit announcing to everyone all the lavish money they are spending on themsleves (mansions, $12,000 coffee table, etc) and instead we would hear that Brad & Angelina spent that $12,000 to help the hungry and needy.
8. They would turn all the abandoned buildings into housing for the homeless.
9. People wouldn't be fighting against each other "only" because of what political party they belonged to, and politicians would keep the promises they make while they are campaigning (haven't met one yet that did).
10. Lawyers would not be trying to re-write the constitution.
11. All people would be considerate of their neighbors and not mow their lawns after 8 pm in the evenings or before 8 am in the mornings.
12. Everyone could pick whatever time you wanted to start working and quit working.
13. We would have an alternative reliable transportation method instead of plane, train, or automobile similar to the transporter you see in Star Trek. So if you live in Washington state, you could still go to Maine for dinner and be back by 9pm.
14. There would be no more gangs. The people who want to be part of a gang would now be part of an Infantry unit. They would learn out to use weapons but they would use them responsibly.
15. There would be no more bullies in the school system.
16. There would be no animal abuse. Every person would take care of animals and love them, and if caught being cruel to an animal you get branded or something so that everyone in public would know that person is cruel to animals and they would be ashamed of what they've done.
17. No more reality shows. Enough with American Idol and Survivor.
18. Scam artists would not try to swindle money out of people (especially the elderly).
19. Everyone would grow food in their yards and neighbors share with others.
Perfect example... thank you for supplying that
This is exactly what my post was about. I did not once try to conform anyone to my beliefs. I was simply stating what I know/believe to be true. So, why just because I am quoting the Bible and talking about Jesus am I all of a sudden trying to conform someone? Why is it that whenever a Christian makes a STATEMENT, someone comes along and accuses them of forcing their opinion on someone else. You got on here and freely placed your opinion about the Bible and if I post something that goes against that, the world considers ME wrong.
There is no perfect grass for
all the zones in the US. I remember reading about the product a while ago, and it definitely is not suited to our climate here in NC. I'm pretty sure it's all about the magic of marketing.
Here is another site discussing the product:
http://malaysia.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20070414110548AALxgyj
No perfect family here sm
When I was younger and innocent, I believed I had started a wonderful tradition of having my family over for the holidays because I was the oldest and first married. After many years of dysfunction, second marriages, sibling rivalry, etc., have gone back to the basics, just my husband, my kids and their kids. I no longer have to listen to, "I'm not coming if she's coming," etc. I no longer have to wash my house down from smoking and no longer have to pick up half-empty alcoholic drinks (which by the way causes more havoc and tongue slips). We are happier, saner, and sober and we enjoy the holidays much more than when I spent a whole week's pay on food and booze and much more than that on gifts for which I never got a thank you. I watch movies such as "Home for the Holidays, National Lampoon's Christmas" and other films such as those and laugh at what used to be. I'm free! Back to the basics of the reason for the season. Send nice cards, that's it, to the siblings. Miss my parents but that's in the past. I don't look back anymore. Hope they're with the angels enjoying themselves. I do get depressed but I fight it off, things have changed and I can't "fix people" anymore, I can only fix myself. I don't think there is a Hallmark perfect family. If there is, it's news to me!
He IS perfect and he's now on my desktop!! sm
He made me laugh out loud... something I haven't done for a while... so now he can make me smile every day.
I have 2 sweet mutts of my own, but I can see them anytime. He is just a LOVER!!!
My daugher used to have a boyfriend named Cody... kinda looks like him... ;-)
you are a perfect example of being 'hooked',
feeling better when you are under the influence, is exactly what drives you to be constantly in this state.
Do you know your limits and do they get higher and higher?
I bet you did not stop, but are hiding it from your children.
You will really have bad, bad withdrawal symptoms in case you really decide to stop or are forced to put a stop this.
No offence, though!
I started craving ice and soon after learned I was anemic.
k
My sons both learned that lesson the hard way
One had 1200 text messages in a month (I pay for 300) and the other did the same download thing. I wish there was some way you could block their phones after a certain amount of $$. Needless to say, both had a nice chunk of money to pay mom back.
I believe they just chew it. I learned when I purchased a plastic
xx
Basic skills best learned at home
It's kind of hit and miss as to whether kids learn to cook, sew, etc in school. Although I HATE using a sewing machine, I think basic handsewing is a life skill and taught my teenage girls to sew on buttons and mend rips. They also know how to do basic cooking, ironing, and have done their own laundry for years. My college daughter lives with two other girls, 19 and 20, and neither one of them can sew on a button (my daughter does it for them). Apparently their mothers never taught them.
Learned to smoke, drink, cut classes
Graduated in the 70s. Took dancing lessons and big big big into disco. Almost entered in the show Disco Fever. I was a little overweight, certainly not popular in the "cliques". Had friends from grammar school, scouts & 4H I hung around with (those are still my friends today). I was shy and stuttered when having to speak in front of groups (still do). I wasn't a "studier" - received mostly Cs (failed science, gym & history - or barely passed). No boyfriends. Pretty boring overall, but I'd trade everything in now and do it all again.
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