I am in the same boat. I have no desire to go to my in laws for sm
Posted By: Wow on 2006-12-21
In Reply to: Nope, you're not alone. Lots of us out here in the - LW
Christmas Eve and my husband is making us all go. It's the biggest fight every year. I am dreading it so much. I wish he would listen to me, but he won't. I don't see a long future for me and my husband. It's always his way or NO way. I should just say I am not going and not go, but IF I do that then Christmas morning will be miserable. He will take it out on me and the kids. I think he's just like them!
He pouted all day Thanksgiving because I refused to go to his mother's house where his siblings (the culprits) would be. The thing is this: They've never liked me. Never. It's been almost 10 years and everything is my fault. For a long time it scarred me, but then I realized that it wasn't me, it's them. And then to have my husband force me to be around this hateful, evil people is beyond understanding. I am NOT looking forward to Christmas eve. I swear, I just want to stay here (I've already celebrated with great friends and my family) and just want to enjoy Christmas eve and Christmas with people (my kids) whom I adore. But, it won't be that way when you have people in your lives (unfortunately) who are exactly the way you just described.
Ugggh. Not looking forward to this weekend. And to top it off, my birthday is Saturday. I told him that I wanted to NOT go to his mom's house for my birthday. That made him mad.
Oh, and don't tell me to put a smile on my face and be nice or put up with it. Until you walk a mile in my shoes where you have 3 sisters and 1 brother who think I am the antichrist, the last thing you can do is smile at these people....And I am a very kind and nice person. these people bring out the worst in me.
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I don't know current laws or laws in your state but sm
I was told they had to have 3 complaints before they paid a visit so just relax now that you did your cleaning and are prepared. Always best to prepare for the worst! Good luck to you with the divorce. I could have said your story!
Absolutely NOT!! I have no desire to give...
my daughter a vaccination for a STD! Plus, from what I've read, it doesn't even protect against every type of HPV and she can still get cancer. And it's only been tested for a very short while and there may be long-term complications that we don't know about yet.
Even if I was to try to overcome my lack of desire for him (sm)
He did in one case admit to cheating with a girl he met while fishing from a pier in the Outer Banks. He then denied saying that, but of course he said it. I have children to raise. Should I expose myself to possible diseases? He still has not gone to get tested, so why should I give in to him?
If you are both mature and desire a child sm
I was immature for the first, thought I was mature ten years later for the second and now that I'm too old to have one, wish I had more but it's too late. This is not an answer but a longing that I wish I had more than two and it's too late. My husband did not want another as the first had medical problems, so we waited ten years and I am sorry I don't have more kids. I love kids! Also, my MIL didn't like kids and was not happy, complained about both pregnancies as "another mouth to feed". Each time I see a happy family planning for a baby, I cry. If it is going to make you both happy, do it, you will be the happiest in your life when you hold that child. Just IMHO. It will work if you want it to. If you wait until you "afford" one, you never will. Children are beautiful and worth it, they enrich your life, why else would you get "married"?
I have no desire to sell my house sm
and couldn't afford it anyway. On top of that, regardless of hte neighborhood, I DO NOT want to live where there is an HOA!
Their desire to want more (money, stuff) far outweighs sm
the consequences they know they will possibly face if caught. Just this morning at Wal Mart I witnessed a man with a cart loaded with 2 HDTVs! He didn't go through the line, just walked right out!! A clerk saw this and yelled, "Excuse me, sir!" and he calmly kept walking. I started getting really nervous! She followed him and then others followed (all Wal Mart employees) and I watched as this man abandoned his cart outside, walked to his car while they tried to get him to come in and he completely ignored them! He got in his car and took off. The manager got his license plate, I'm sure.
I began thinking "what on earth was he thinking?????" Why would you want to chance getting caught stealing 2,000 in merchandise? I don't have the temptation to rob, steal, kill, or destroy, so I can't tell you what goes through these people's minds!
But like I said earlier, whenever any of us do anything contrary to what we should be doing, we either don't realize the consequences or don't care about the consequences. Either way, it is a lose-lose situation.
K
Ditto, no desire, not in today's society/world!
x
I was in the same boat 20 yrs ago
It was damned if you do, damned if you don't. Nerves were on edge all the time. I really wish you the best.
Here's what I did: I took our two kids and got OUT before he killed all of us. I have never looked back, never regretted having to work two and three jobs to support us. It wasn't easy, we struggled, but we were SO much happier not having to tippy-toe around him anymore.
Kids are grown now. My son sees his dad, still tries to please him, very sad. Daughter has NOTHING to do with him and won't let her daughter see him.
Sorry didn't mean to turn this into a rant or a book, it just struck a chord with me.
Not saying that's what you should do at all, just that's what I did. I will say a prayer for you all. And for those of us who have survived it. God help us.
In the same boat.....
My son got his learners in June and so far, seems responsible when it comes to driving. He doesn't like a lot of talking and no radio on. (Of course, we know teens change overnight) I am just going to let him have a learners for awhile because my insurance company doesn't charge if he has a learners. Maybe his senior year, we will allow him to start driving some and put him on insurance. But I have to agree with the other poster, 15 is very young, even though there are responsible kids out there. It is the other drivers on the road we worry about. We were driving the other day and someone pulled right out in front of my son!! I was so mad!! Good luck!!
I am in the same boat.
I saw my high school sweetheart after 20 some years. The sparks just flew again. It was a wonderful moment. We are both married with 2 children. I live out of state luckily. We are both in not so great marriages, but are staying with our spouses for the kids sake. He said he would wait for me, so who knows, maybe we will be together again some day. I really hope so.
In the same boat
This has happened to me for 7 years now. Even though we are not young, we are not ready for no intimacy! He does not seem interested in anything, just cuddling and kissing, nothing else. I get so frustrated, and it does hurt my feelings. When you talk to him about this he gets furious.
in the same boat...
I am pretty much in the same situation and can relate to what you are going through. My problems with debt started because I decided to quit a job making 45,000/yr to do medical transcription in which I am lucky if I make 20,000/yr. I could not keep up with my own personal bills and instead of confiding in my husband, I put bills on my credit cards and every payperiod swore to myself that my paycheck would increase, but easier said than done since I do VR and the pay stinks. My husband thinks MTing is ridiculous for the pay and hard work we do. I was insisting upon staying with it and had too much pride to let him know I could not pay my own personal bills. When I did finally tell him he was upset that I would put myself in debt, knowing that as a couple, our debts affect each other. I am now seeking help from CCCS, a counseling service that has a very good reputation. Just make sure you pick a reputable, nonprofit agency, and they will put you on the right track back to financial stability. Needless to say, I am going back to the work I used to do and doing MTing on the side.
Best of luck to you!
Same boat
I am in the same boat you are in. I will not be putting up Christmas lights either. I love decorating my house with Christmas lights, but not this year. 
Same boat here.
DH doesn't like pumpkin either so unless I make it to take to someone else's house, I won't get any. I can't bear a whole pie going to waste and I can't bear a whole pie going on my hips! LOL
boat next to you
I can sympathize with you. Have had problems with parotids for several years and it is terrible. No tumor was seen, but have passed a stone after a sialodochoplasty done at St. Louis. Make sure you have absolutely the best surgeon for this type of thing. Makes all the difference. Will be praying for you also. Keep us informed please.
I don't think its rude per se - I'm in the same boat
I constantly have people ask me why I'm not married and why I don't have children. What I find odd is the men - they will ask me "can you not have children?" I will ask them "what kind of question is that??" And the response I get is "well, women tend to have babies at the drop of a hat," or "women just get pregnant without thinking twice about it." All kinds of responses. I've even been asked if I'm a lesbian (which I'm sure I'll get pounced on, but I find that extremely insulting).
I guess the bottom line is that in this day and age, if a woman does not have a child, is not shacking up with some guy after the second date, or has never been married, then there must be something wrong with her in the eyes of society. However, try asking the woman that has 4 kids by 4 different guys why she never married the daddies or why she doesn't use contraception, and boy oh boy, stand back or run for the hills.
My answer has always been - I never met the right one. Which usually gets a response of "maybe you're just too picky."
I could go on and on about this. But think about this - the women that ask you these questions are usually the same women that say one of the following: "Men are dogs, or men are pigs" and "oh god, I couldn't imagine being single and dating. I'll take what I've got at home over your life anytime."
Makes you laugh doesn't it!
Going out on our boat to soak up some
rays, floating on my lounge chair raft and then stopping at one of the restaurants on the lake for lunch. Yes, I use sunscreen and a lot of it. Have a canopy on the boat to sit in the shade. It is going to be hot here in the northeast too. Can't wait.
I'm kinda in the same boat
My 30+ year old stepson is supposed to be moving out today. Believe me, it won't last. He is the filthist person I have ever met and for his age is VERY naive and gullable. Won't be long before others see what I have been trying to tell them for years. He's lazy, selfish and totally irresponsible. It's just a matter of time before he gets a DUI. He totally disregards any advice or help my husband gives him and listens to his loser friends. If my husband lets him move back in.........that's the day I move out! I've got news for my husband....HE WILL BE PAYING MY RENT --- since he has the money to keep supporting his ADULT (and I say that loosely) children! Good riddins' to him! 
She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
Nope..no gravy boat.
Mine did not come with one either. Below are a few on ebay that might work. I like the last one too because it is round and could be used with one of your larger saucers. Hmm. I did not have S&P shakers either. Believe it or not I use these as my every day dishes. They are very, very durable, but then again I do not have children either. My mother always said, what good is china if you can only use it once a year! They do look lovely at christmas time on a gold charger plate. I also used candles shaped like pine cones and/or pine cones in the center piece. I paint also so I will probably end up feeling sorry for you and paint you one!
280110136597
140113712960
300066983736
120114143571
I love Banana Boat...
EveryDay Glow Daily Moisturizing Lotion - Hint of Color! I just bought 2 bottles today for $4.96 each, probably the cheapest there is. It works great! It gets darker every day you apply, and it's just like lotion so it goes on nicely. I'm extremely white, and this gives me a nice color without looking fake. I use medium skin color. There's also a darker one. I usually put my own peachy lotion on afterwards to take away the smell.
Thanx! Saw a boat named that once, but it suits me better!
/
Navy? On a boat with thousands of hor*y men? I don't think so. nm
d
Oh gosh, I missed the boat on this one!
I just posted what I thought was awesome, not what I was dreaming was awesome! I have no imagination.
Okay, calorie-free ice cream would be my awesome thing. With Cool Whip. Calorie-free Cool Whip.
Same boat, just too afraid to post it.
*
When I asked why it was ok for him to pick out a truck and a boat without me (sm)
he blamed it on the fact that I had bought the kids a $300 plastic pool last summer. He used that same excuse again about the shed. "you picked out a pool!" How dare I pick out anything?
He may be....but $300 pool versus a $30,000 truck, and a boat, etc., etc.? nm
x
You are missing the boat entirely and totally negative when you no NOTHING
He has more (material things) than you do and most men of 60s+. He has a home that he has worked to own -- not given to him! Material things do not mean much to me, however. I make my own living. He has an engineering and Masters degree. How many degrees do you have? He is very athletic! He has had olympic training. He is a wonderful man who MANY of you would desire and don't have. He knows that pleases a woman and EXACTLY what he wants in life.
Most important to me is that he expresses that he is a "God-fearing" man. There is NOTHING in life more important to me than that!
He has no kids -- not a priority in life for him. He is too wonderful to describe! I know more about him than you will ever know about your partner, because we COMMUNICATE.
Sorry for your skepticism. But I will take it with a grain of salt, as it deserves to be taken.
This man is an open book -- but not only that, but he hides nothing.
WOW is all I can say about him ! Have never met a man like this in my entire life! He wants to please me, and he is certainly capable of doing that.
You are missing the boat entirely and totally negative when you no NOTHING
He has more (material things) than you do and most men of 60s+. He has a home that he has worked to own -- not given to him! Material things do not mean much to me, however. I make my own living. He has an engineering and Masters degree. How many degrees do you have? He is very athletic! He has had olympic training. He is a wonderful man who MANY of you would desire and don't have. He knows that pleases a woman and EXACTLY what he wants in life.
Most important to me is that he expresses that he is a "God-fearing" man. There is NOTHING in life more important to me than that!
He has no kids -- not a priority in life for him. He is too wonderful to describe! I know more about him than you will ever know about your partner, because we COMMUNICATE.
Sorry for your skepticism. But I will take it with a grain of salt, as it deserves to be taken.
This man is an open book -- but not only that, but he hides nothing.
WOW is all I can say about him ! Have never met a man like this in my entire life! He wants to please me, and he is certainly capable of doing that.
We are in the same boat. First and foremost, file your taxes.
The penalties are huge if you file late. Once you file, it will take about a month, and they will send you a bill. We were able to get a 4-month extension, i.e., extending the due date of the balance. We only had to pay interest and some penalties for paying late - again a fraction of what it costs to file late. That did not cost anything. The next option was setting up a payment plan, and I think that cost $125 to set up plus the interest and penalties for paying late.
They really are not bad to work with, especially this year. I read an article where they have been instructed to work with people, especially in light of the bailouts for large companies. They are very respectful, much better than any creditor I have ever worked with, and as long as you are working with them, I think you'll be just fine.
Good luck to you, I'm sort of in the same type of boat
Have had many non-cancerous cysts/endometriomas removed along with one ovary. After many different opinions, the majority of doctors have recommended avoiding the surgery if possible and keeping the remaining ovary and just having yearly ultrasounds, as I am only 39, but sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off symptom-wise and not having to worry about cancer down the road if I just had the surgery. Like everything else, there are pros and cons and it is a very tough decision. I have heard many women say, oh I had one and it was the best thing I every did! Only to find out they kept their ovaries... so big difference! Please let us know how things go for you and best of luck!!!
JAWS: "I think we're gonna need a bigger boat."
*
ex in-laws
Thank you for your well thought-out reply. I plan on discussing this with him and at the same time will try to remain respectful of the fact that he loves his aunt. He is of course home for Christmas (and other holidays) and will be back here permanently around April. There are too many details of this situation to put on this board but I thank you again for your advice.
The in-laws
Hey, I am not sure if they are freaky, or not. I was raised in that church when I was young and switched as an adult. Since Matthew Winkler's father is also a COC minister it would be doubtful if he even knew about any of his son's warped proclivities (if he had them) since church members rarely, if ever, talk about things of that nature). It makes me sad to see that those grandparents are being labeled as warped just because of their religious beliefs. I must tell you that I have never met a member of that church who was a "bad person" and I have had exposure to lots of them. I have to wait and see the show. I am very interested in what she has to say. I would also like to see the in-laws go on the show to present their concerns. I think it would help everyone, including the children when they would be old enough to see it. So many times things like this go on with women and men we know and I think it is important to understand any signs to watch for so as to prevent what happened with their family from happening to anyone else. If, however, Mary is really guilty and just wanted a way out (which is a possibility) I believe the children belong with the grandparents and that Mary should relinquish her parental rights. It would be nice too if she would admit if she was truly an abused woman, or not. They can't try her twice.
Where do you think laws come from?
Most of man's laws are based on the Bible, the 10 Commandments usually.
I am not comparing gay people to criminals. Based on your statement that God expects us to be happy, regardless of what form that happiness might take, I am asking the question that, if it is okay with God for a person to be gay if it makes them happy, is it okay with him for a person to steal, commit adultery or murder if it makes them happy.
You changed the context of the subject, not me. And for what it is worth, there are still states in which sodomy is a crime, therefore gay sex is a crime. There is even a state where adultery and fornication are a crime. http://www.sodomy.org/laws/
I get this too...especially my in-laws...
nm
In-laws
I guess I lucked out with in-laws. When we married, I referred to his parents as "mom" and "dad" from that point on. When my SIL had kids, we *both* became aunts and uncles to them and DH is uncle to my sister's 2 kids. I don't think you're being sensitive and good for you for teaching your kids differently!
Boat show in Urbanna on Sat. and Busch Gardens on Sunday - nm
x
My in-laws have a dog who has seizures...
This dog seems to being having grand mal seizures because it urinates on itself and they last a least a minute. The dog has had this several times but they haven't taken him to the vet because of the cost involved. My mother-in-law gives him an aspirin and puts "cold packs" on him when he is seizing. I'm not sure why but she is a little strange. I would take the dog to a vet. They can probably do test to see if she is indeed having seizures. Good luck!
The smoking might have to be done outside if the laws there say
s
This goes along with sweet in-laws...
My son was born in September 1994. We found out 8 weeks later he had pyloric stenosis after changing formula, etc. I worked in Radiology as an MT at the time and had the GI study done there. The radiologist was so nice, but informed me that our son was severely dehydrated and would need urgent surgery.
The surgery took place the night before Thanksgiving. My in-laws brought my husband and I a plate of their meal with utensils and all. Thankfully, our son (first born) came through with flying colors and is in perfect health now.
My parents were supportive on the phone, but my Dad had just been diagnosed with cancer and was too weak to make it in to see us.
So, I guess it was the worst and the best Thanksgiving ever and one that I will surely never forget for a very long time. ![Leaf](http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_4_40.gif")
![](http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb097&pp=ZUxdm486YYUS")
I have the same problems with my in-laws
Last year we got them a gift certificate to the local grocery store that they always go so and we decided to do the same again this year. Everyone has to eat. They live in a small condo and have all the money in the world to buy what they want and they're at an age where they don't need anything.
just so you know, many states have laws
against any corporeal punishment now, especially for "kinship" care (relatives raising kin children). For example, in many states I cannot even give push ups or running laps as punishment, forget about spanking! And throwing cold water on a child would get the child taken away from me. There are laws you can't withhold food as punishment or send a child to be early. There are over 5 million children being raised by relatives and just under 600,000 in state foster care. Things ARE much different now.
I understand some of these laws but
not being able to send a child to be early. Who gets to decide what is "early"?
What about lesh laws?
If you have a pet running around in this town you will be fined up to $500 whether the dog did anything while running about or not.
I do hope the little girl gets past her fear of dogs someday. I have a 6-year-old that has that same fear but she has never gotten bit so I don't know why she has that fear. She has turned now many playdates because of those tiny, barking house dogs. One friend in particular wanted dd to come over and play so bad but dd refused because of the dog and I explained that to the mother. I suggested that the litlte girl is welcome to come play here, after consulting with dd first and she agreed. ( I wanted to make sure it really was the dog not the other girl). So they come over, with their little barking, jumping dog and turned it loose in our house and dd started screaming and crying and very rudely ran them both off. I felt bad because dd bluntly told them to leave but I did not get on to her too much about it because it did not make sense to me. I had just explained that dd was very scared of the dog so why did they bring it to my house and turn it loose in my living room.  The dog was not mean, just very very hyper.
MIL shares that same fear and does not know why. She quit visiting a friend because their hyper little dog kept jumping on her and the owners would not do anything to control it. I guess dd and MIL are 2 peas in a pod when it comes ot that.
Must be nice to know you have in-laws ...sm
who would help. My parents couldn't help. My father in law couldn't either BUT mother in law could but wouldn't I know because she is so tight. She would just say oh well loose all your sh**. She wouldn't come off her money.
we just had to ask our in-laws for $500 loan
they're like a bank to us ;)
we just had to ask our in-laws for $500 loan
they're like a bank to us ;)
we just had to ask our in-laws for $500 loan
they're like a bank to us ;)
The laws where I live
forbid a teacher from having a sexual relationship with a student period...and I think that's how I prefer it.
I didn't even think about laws differing in other states. :/
My in-laws are overkill -sm
my DH cannot stand his parents though we do not deny them their grandchildren, though we have never left them alone with them. They were very neglectful to him when he was growing up, verbally abusive, etc. His mom would badger me when we were first married about having grandchildren. She assumed (wrongly) that we would give us any children we had to them on the weekends as all their friends had/did. Our kids have been nothing but trophies to them. My MIL used to really hate the fact that I had a family, once my mom died a few years ago she did a complete turnaround and no longer hassles me when I go to see my family. She is the reining grandma now and so no one to be jealous of. This does not endear her to me obviously. Their other son, the golden child (and oh favored one who spent 20+ years going to school, getting money from M&D, and mooching off friends for those 20+ years--would stay in their homes until kicked out), he finally bought a home at age 40 (with $40K from M&D), has never married or had kids, my DH says it is because of their childhood, though he was the favored one so who knows. Anyways we moved 2 hours away (were about 10 miles from them) just so we would not have to see them every day once we had kids. Even then they came every 2 weeks and in the beginning badgered us to give them the kids for extended periods of time (I am talking 6/7 days of the week, every week). I don't think we have ever invited them here, they just call up and say we are coming. I then tell them yeh or ney basically. They come for every holiday that they can and birthday, though this year my one did not want them to come on her birthday, so I put them off a week. She wants it to be just us 4 for a change and to all go out to dinner....she will be 9 next week. I found that interesting but I told her it was her decision, and that they wanted to come, etc. Usually she is very accommodating and is always thinking of others so I am not going to make her have her grandparents come for her special dinner out if she does not want them to (she just saw them last weekend). So they will come on the 15th instead which is fine with me. So I do try to be accommodating to them, I am the one who calls them, I visit with them for an hour or two on my rare trips to see my family (2-3x a year) or stay the night so they can have more time, depends on my work schedule, I see my in-laws about once a month now (call weekly), and my family once during the summer, maybe Spring break and around Christmas. Obviously this won't last forever, they are 74 and 79 now but longevity is in the dad's family (late 80's to 90s). Both are in relatively good health, mom is a type 2 diabetic, dad has had bladder cancer twice, but otherwise doing very well. My DH insists on taking in the survivor when one dies. He has a very strong guilt complex, they did their job well on him. Obviously I don't want that, but not going to worry about that right now. Many sides to this coin/subject.
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