I am having a similar dilemma
Posted By: (sm) on 2008-12-30
In Reply to: Latchkey kids - Silly Girl
I just do not know what to do . . . I have two sons, 14 and 12. My 12-year-old has Asperger's syndrome. We have left them together a very few times during the day for short periods of time, but I have not been comfortable with this at all, and I feel that if we do it on a regular basis, something is going to happen. In the past, I always said that I did not feel that it was fair to my older son to have to be responsible for the younger one because of some of the behavior associated with his disability. He is very smart, and we had been getting his behavior under control until some issues with the school that are out of our control have caused some extreme behavior issues again. Not to mention that with my older son in his first year of high school, he has been getting into some things that I'd rather he didn't, which I discovered when I hacked his MySpace, and I feel that they need me here almost more than they would have at a younger age. I am feeling pressure from my husband, my mother (who does not live nearby), and our financial situation to get a job outside of the house, but I am so worried about what might happen I just do not know what to do. My husband also just started a business that he needs my help with on weekends, and for the first weekend he worked by himself (and realized he needed me there), the next weekend his mother kept the boys, and this past weekend they spend the night with a nearby family who cannot do that for us every weekend. His mother also is not willing to keep them every weekend, which really bothers me because my husband is her only son and she has always been the only one to keep our children for us, which I appreciate even though I have never asked her to and it has always been on her terms, not at our request so that we could go out or anything, but I feel like her schedule would permit her to help us for a short time and considering that it was always just her and my husband (his dad passed away when he was very young), I guess I just would have expected her to be willing to help in our current circumstances.
I just realized that I hijacked your post and am writing a novel. Please forgive me, I am just very stressed about this. As for your situation, I feel it is more of an individual child situation. As others have pointed out, you just can't trust anyone these days. We live in a nice area, but about a year ago a neighbor on another street of our subdivision put a flyer on all of our mailboxes informing us of a break in at his home at what he referred to as "high noon". He had gone to Home Depot, and when he returned home there were two men in his home, opening his gun case. I assume it was not loaded, but he stated that there was a struggle between him and them, while several other neighbors watched, and they finally took off. You just never know what is going to happen, and I don't know how I would handle a scary situation such as that myself, much less my children. Although I have seen a few cases on t.v. where very young children have kept their cool and remained level-headed in extreme situations and done what needed to be done. Sorry, I'm rambling again. Good luck with whatever you decide.
If anyone has any thoughts on my situation, I'd love to hear those too (given that mine are a little older, but the special needs child . . . just wondering if anyone agrees with my husband and mom or with my feelings of nervousness). TIA!
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Christmas dilemma sm
As the guy's parents, I can tell you that we "settle" for Christmas Eve so the DIL's can enjoy their "real parents" and the kids their "real grandparents" and we have done this for years. We usually spend Christmas Day alone like two homeless people. But we do this for the sake of our DIL's and have never complained. Sorry, but my vote is to say, "Gee, Mom and Dad, since you can't come to my hubby's parents, I hope you enjoy the movie(s) I rented for you and there's some popcorn and whatever you want to drink to go with it. We are SO looking forward to tomorrow with you guys! Are you sure you won't join us this evening?? Then it's up to them -- jeepers, what are you supposed to do? Your husband has a right to honor his parent(s) as well. Been there, suffered through it, don't be in the middle of the holiday sandwich. Cut the holiday in neat sections, and enjoy yourselves. Some day they'll all be gone and you will only have memories. Don't rain on anyone's parade, just be fair. If it were not for your husband's parents, you would not have a husband! Perhaps your parents don't realize it, but they should bend a little to help you out and help your husband's parents enjoy what little time they have to preserve memories for their family members.Sorry, but this really gets to me, since I am the MIL and "bend" until it hurts. Think out of the box, please.
I've been in this dilemma
once where I was already half way through something and then realized I needed something (an egg I think) and I couldnt bring myself to do it. So I went to the store.
I know of AT LEAST 4 people I know wouldnt think anything of it, and probably more than that, but I would never. I just cant.
Sorry to hear of your dilemma......
that's a rough one to deal with. Wish I could offer you advice but you are in a tight spot. Hope your son is able to have his graduation on his special night!!
I have a new dilemma and need advice - sm
It appears my DH is going to be laid off which obviously is a serious issue. We borrowed $40K from his 401K to pay off his cc and I have 3/5 of mine on hardship and caught the other two up. We will just not pay back the loan which we did decide when we took it IF he lost his job over the next 5 years and will pay the penalities (somehow). However if he does lose his job I will have to do bankruptcy, the one where it wipes most of it out as there is no way we can keep our home otherwise (Chapter 7). I am not on the house title so they cannot take the house. I can bring in about $1900 a month if I work really hard....make about $15-1700 now. Our bills come to about $3500, $900 of that is my cc payments though which even w/o we still won't have enough or won't once unemployment runs out which I have a feeling he'd only get 12 weeks worth, but he'd get about $380 a week which is great and at least would pay the mortgage. Obviously a better MT job would be in order and fantastic to have. I am good at what I do but don't make enough doing it. I may have to find an employee position as we will need health insurance too....I am IC now and he had the insurance. I will of course do some major economizing, cancel the newspaper subscription, the satellite radio, possibly the sateliite TV or at least downgrade it, cancel the 2 phone lines we have and just use my Tracfone or get a cheap cell plan. I am sure there is more I can do, just cannot think of them right now. Some things I just cannot cancel like our life insurance, kid's college plans (prepaid plans), but that would all be covered by the unemployment and by being a bit frugal I think I can get our $1600 a month in expenses (food, electric, TV, phone, etc.) down to $1200 if I really tried, but still short $2-400....once the unemployment would run out. I fear my DH will become severely depressed and not look for a job as well. He is in a kind of specialed field and only has a 2-year technical degree. He's worked for the same company for 29 years so his resume won't look that impressive though he is good at what he does. ----on the bankruptcy note, what happens? Do they come to your house and inspect your "belongings", most of the stuff in the house is his actually or were gifts from his parents to the both of us (all the bedroom furniture worth about $5K). Or do you just fill out forms and they take your word for it? Do they investiage you, etc? I have over $10K in jewelry but most of it were gifts and some of my moms and therefore sentimental and I don't want to have to "declare" and have sold off. I know you are allowed to keep wedding rings as long as they are worth less than $2000, which mine are worth about $2050 (retail) so I should be safe there. There are two things we have that they would consider assets which my name is on ---land (paid $22K, worth maybe $50K) and my car which is worth $10K....I saw something that said you can only keep your car if it is worth less than $2K. So if that is the case I would remove my name from the car and the land titles in order to avoid declaring them as we may need to sell them anyway to pay our house off which is my biggest concern, having a roof over our heads and not losing the house. The market is dead here to trying to sell would be difficult. We would make enough to pay off the house and my cc if we did it, and have 20-30% to put down on a new house but there is no way anyone would give us another mortgage if my DH is unemployed, granted we could rent but have 2 dogs, a cat, 2 rabbits and 2 hamsters so the pets make it difficult and there is no way I am giving them up (except for maybe the rabbits). ----If I could I say sell the house, get a trailer and put it on our property, however there are "rules" there and putting a trailer is not allowed, they even frown on modulars, which are a step up from the manufactured homes and single/double-wide homes, though that has been done (the modular that is). Kids would be in a different school district though and we would have to pay to keep them where they are as the schools where we would be stink. So any pointers on how/what to economize to cut costs? (and or increase income other than working 23/24 hours a day). I am open to any and all suggestions. However if you have nothing good or nice or constructive to say then don't say it, I really don't need any more negativity right now.
You started out with an ethical dilemma and
and a medical center. Will you be reporting your friend out of moral duty for sharing the fact that he was at a medical facility? I believe his privacy rights assure him that his business or appts at a medical facility are protected? Who are you kidding? I've volunteered for many years and there are parents like you in every bunch. The sad part, they always involve the kids and they are the ones who lose.
These, or something similar?
http://www.sendliquor.com/id100234list42product.html?ovchn=OTHER&ovcpn=FindGiftWine&ovcrn=FindGiftWine&ovtac=PPC
http://www.redenvelope.com/re/gifts/product_display/product_information.jsp?nc=1&oid=20650259&pcd=PERFORMICS&mptc=BPER&src=clickserve.cc-dt&cm_ven=Performics&cm_cat=Affiliate&cm_pla=FindGift.com&cm_ite=DDI%20Link
http://www.sienajulia.com/cgi-bin/shop.pl/page=item.html/auto_id=5214/department=01/category=01027/page_number=1
I can't vouch for any of this stuff, these are three items that came up when I searched findgift.com with "Spanish" as a search term and narrowing with "wine".
Good luck!
I had a similar but now use sm
Wolfgang Puck's open face grill, buy on HSN.com. 1200 watts, get to 550 degrees. You can actually GRILL a hamburger or steak. The Foreman ones only kind of steam food, very inadequate.
Something similar here sm
I also live in a small town and we have many Indian docs and they usually bring relatives here and to run hotels and motels they have purchased. I know of one family that did this 25 years ago. A Comfort Inn right up the road from us is owned/operated by an Indian family that live in our neighborhood. Truely some of the nicest people I have ever met.
OMG! I was going to say something similar... sm
Same timeframe and same team, but off by 2 years in age. Unfortunately, my brother was home from Penn State and I gave him my Game 6 ticket. After all these years, I still slap myself on the forehead when I think about that. I was in Philly with the other million or so revelers the next day, though!
I'm doing something similar..
I live in Florida also and am planning a little weekend gettaway for myself. I know it sounds weird, but this way there will be no computer and absolutely no way I can be conned into working. I picked a fairly cheap little resort place that is right on the beach. It's not very fancy, but it has a kitchen. I want to wake up and hear the water and see the sunset at night. I did spend a little more to get a place that had more of a private beach so it would be a little quieter. Just think about the things you want to do and what is more important and then decide. Will you be at the beach more, or golfing more? Do you want more peace and quiet? Or do you want a place where kids can run around - if so golf course probably not a good idea.
Anyway, whichever you choose, have a great time!
I might have something similar
but do not really know your symptoms well. I sleep on elevated pillows (and people also told to elevate the head of their bed with reflux), know which foods bring on this such as coffee, chocolate, spicy, white rice for me, and some cereals but 1 thing I will say, the gastroesophageal reflux disease symptoms are not to be taken lightly. An ongoing problem with this can cause esophageal cancer, Barrett's esophagus is a precursor to this. I would do any and all I could to make sure this is under control.
I went through something similar...
Except not on me, on my son, who I think was like 4 or 5 at the time. They wanted to put a white filling in a baby tooth, and make me pay the extra for it. So glad I didn't let them, found another dentist who put in a silver one and shortly thereafter, the tooth came out. So sorry this happened to you, but unfortunately you'll probably do more harm than good by not paying the full amount, cause they will try to ruin your credit.
maybe similar
i keep getting toe pains in one that is almost crampy-like, and really slows my steppin'. it comes and goes. I'm just afraid its arthritis, but haven't been checked...is yours crampy? would like to know if you get it figured out.
I tried something similar with my cat.
I just wanted her to stay on the deck though She did really good for about a year and then slowly stated creeping down the stairs and eventually started jumping over the side to go on a bigger adventure. Going over the side was when we had to stop letting her go out because she was so quick about it. At first we used a harness and leash and then a water bottle and would squirt her when she came to the edge and that worked very well. We just had to be out with her.
I have also seen cat runs in magazines before. They are long tubular shaped cages or enclosures (not always metal) and some you can even put up to window height so you can leave the window open or add a door so they can go freely when they like. I am not certain where I have seen it but it was one of those magazines that are full of stuff that no one really needs but make great Christmas/Birthday presents for people who have everything. lol I'm sure you could find them on the internet somewhere.
I actually have one similar to this sm
I live on my own. My house is not too big, only about 1100 sq ft. Truth is, I live in my bedroom and my livingroom, where I work. I use the kitchen too, of course. I don't use all of it all the time. My house is well insulated and the furnace runs about 4 times a hour in the dead of winter. I am heating a whole house I don't use. The only place I need warm is around my desk so my hands don't freeze up. I can't stand really bulky clothing either, though I do dress warmly. I have a space heater by the desk. It keeps the whole livingroom warmer, as a fact, but not the whole house. I keep the thermostat on the furnace kinda low.
Now, when I have company, or when it is my day off, I have a space heater with fake flame. It has a blower and blows heat into the room. It is pretty and really puts out heat. If I run that for the entire evening, the furnace doesn't run at all, even though the thermostat is 20 feet from the heater, because the room is toasty. It is electric heater versus gas furnace. The end result was that gas cost me an average of $75 a month versus $110 the year before. The electric bill went up, but not more than $20 a month. The net savings are marginal at best. The comfort increased, however.
Now, I am a little crazy sometimes, I admit it. I bought a CD with fireplace sounds. I play it as a loop (75 minutes long) when I run the *fireplace* and sound makes it feel warmer! I run the sound low enough that the TV or stereo is audible, but you'd be surprised what the sounds effects do for added warmth. I got laughed at, until I had company...
I just went thru something similar - sm
I was the one back in late August and then back on Oct. 13 or so----I had racked up a ton of debt on his and my credit cards which he knew nothing about. I finally confessed to him, he reacted pretty well considering the bomb I dropped on him. He does not want to divorce over it thank God but some amazing miracle. Obviosly your situation is a bit more complex. My DH is not that controlling. I was/am the one to get the mail, and would decide what he would see or not see, though he had no scruples about reading my mail, he would get upset if I ever read anything personal sent to him. As I know it is nothing to get bent about I let that one go. He has never cheated and even confirmed that when I confessed my deceit and financial infidelity to him. Luckily he still loves me enough to keep it together. He is trying a little more, though he has backed off doing a few things he used to around the house, I have taken on more responsibility around here, the price I have to pay I guess. I did 85% of it before, now, 95% (he used to cook dinner....now it looks like I get the pleasure of doing it from now on as he has not done it once since the 13th. Granted any reference to buying anyting is , we cannot afford it....which we can, but yes things are going to be a bit tight for the next five years, but we will manage. I have not done it yet, but Monday going to get the wheels rolling and do CCCS for my debts. His will be taken care of soon as we are selling off a bunch of mutual funds from the 401K (loan) so no penalties though with the economy we will have to sell more than we would have a few months ago which stinks. ---He is willing to economize now that he knows there is an issue though (he makes about 4x what I do). You will have to bit the bullet and confess as well. It is not easy. I wrote him a note and then left the house for a short while, then came back and we talked it all out. I figured my marriage would be over, but I think for the kids and still some feelings for me he wants to keep it all together. We have a good life together for the most part and he knows that. We do things together as a family, still have enjoyable sex once a week (took him 9 days after my confession), and are in tune with each other and the kids. Considering it he has been so good after it , you never know your husband might surprise you like mine did. He has not really made any comments for a week now, which is amazing in itself. My DH generally is the type of guy who blames everyone else for his mistakes and takes no responsibility for anything, so that is why it was such a shock that he is handling this all so well. Generally he acts like a 3-y/o and holds grudges. So it is possible your husband can be a standup guy. I guess it will depend on how much he cares for you, keeping the marriage together and not becoming a part-time dad or having to give you the house or a ton of money.....I am sure that all factored in in my situation. All I said was that no one would win in a divorce. He has been divorced before so I know he does not wnat to go thru that again, sees it as personal failure. But I feel so much better for telling him, a huge weight has been lifted. I still have a lot to get thru but the worst is over. I know my streess is still up there some, but I know longer have to worry about him finding out, etc. So you need to formulate a plan, maybe set aside some ready cash, and and tell him what is going on. You can email me if you want. I hope it all works out for you.
Very similar
to the one my family and I make:
1 bag of hashbrowns
1 can cream of chicken soup
2 sticks butter
salt and pepper
2 cups shredded Velveeta cheese
1 sleeve crushed Ritz crackers
Melt 1 stick of butter in the casserole dish. Mix everything together except Ritz crackers and 1 stick of butter. Spread in casserole dish.
Mix crushed Ritz crackers with 1 stick melted butter and sprinkle over top.
Bake at 350 for 1 hour.
It is a great side dish, goes with anything. 
We did something similar
but it was a local theater gift card instead of the netflix. I didn't know netflix did such a thing. That's a great idea.
A smore's kit is nice to make or homemade marshmellows (they are not that difficult to make as most people think) with homemade hot chocolate mix and some cute mugs.
Also made fleece throws for everyone for xmas one year. YOu can get the no-sew fleece and just cut a fringe around the edge to finish it.
Offer up a free baby sitting night to the parents, all you need is a card. Tuck it in the tree with their name on it.
If there is something special that you make that someone likes you can make up a basket with many of the ingredients and include the recipe card. If it is cookies or something nonperishable you can include a finished version in the basket.
Or a little bit of a different but similar take
try 1 jar of chili sauce and jellied cranberry sauce with a squeeze of lemon juice. sounds similar to the above receipe but this is also wonderful!
Something similar
I agree with most others on this post.
My situation was a little different but also similar. My husband had been married before and had a child. He told me up front he would NEVER get married again. I told him I was not ready to marry and be a "mom." But after 3 years I changed my mind. I needed the committment, the security, and yes the old fashioned man to take care of me feeling. I told him that by 5 years together I wanted to be married, period. I started making the plans for marriage and it was a "now or never" decision and he knew that.
5 years is a long time to be in a non-committed relationship, not to mention your 10. I think you need to tell him how you feel once and for all and lay it out there. I like the idea another poster had to "date" for a while, him and this other man, and anyone else you want, and to have time to yourself. Don't let him just come over when he is lonely and needs you...maybe he needs to feel the loneliness you have felt for so long. It takes a while to change habits like picking up dirty laundry and rinsing off dishes...NOT hanging out with friends, staying out all night, etc. That is attitude and what you want to do. I know this isn't what you want to hear but you can't love someone for a lifetime if they don't love you back. Which is what this situation sounds like to me. Yes men are selfish and inconsiderate at times, but this sounds like more.
And just for the record, my husband and I started as friends. I am a bit younger than him, not ready to settle down, not wanting to marry someone married before or with a child...but our friendship just went towards love on its own. Given the chance, your friendship with this other man may go the same way. It sounds like you have just halted it where it is as a friendship and wouldn't allow it to go into love at this time if that was where it was leading.
Good luck to you. Take a day and watch "You've got mail." There's a good lonely love story of enemies, friends, and love evolving.
similar situation
I had a similar situation not too long ago with my mother in law. Everyone thought because I worked at home I could take my mother in law to her doctor appointments and grocery shopping and anything else she needed to do. I informed everyone that I started a job with a new transcription company and I could no longer come and go as I please during the day. I told them I am logged on to the new company's computer starting at 8 AM until 4 PM every day, and I have to be there when work comes through or the company would know I was gone and I would lose my job. It really has worked. No one bugs me during the day anymore. They finally think I have a "real job". 
I have similar problem
with dryness and flaking. I have found that using some sort of exfoliator (scrub, mask, etc) helps more to get rid of the flakes and then apply the moisterizer. Just using the moisterizer didn't help me either, flakiness and dryness still there.
My son has similar issues right now...
My son has similar issues right now with very dry skin. Under his bottom lip area is very dry and chaffed. We have tried vasoline and other creams, but nothing is helping really good to the point that the dryness goes away. It is a very dry area, but it has not developed into an open sore of any kind...yet. The pediatrician said to just keep it moisterized and that it will go away soon, but it is just not going away. Any advice to this skin problem is greatly appreciated too! :)
Similar problem..sm
I had a similar problem with feet swelling (both) and pain from the swelling. First I tried elevating the footpedal and that foot. It helped with that foot, but then the left foot still swelled and hurt. I tried elevating that foot, as well, but this is uncomfortable throughout the day. I determined that the reason this was happening to me is that I am very short, particularly from the waist to the feet. MOST chairs are designed for people with obviously longer legs and I found that the chair seat itself was hitting the backs of my knees and affecting circulation. I purchased another chair ($100) with a shorter seat part, but after a month or so of using it, I was no better and perhaps even worse. The reason for that, I discovered, was that the seat had a plastic cord sewn around the seam of the seat, and even though the seat was shorter, the plastic cord was cutting off my circulation. I gave the chair to my son and went back to my original chair. I tried many kinds of seat cusions, as well, but finally found something that seems to have worked, at least for the past month. I found a cushion that is designed for people who are wheelchair bound. It is for the *back* of the chair, not the seat. it is fuller at the top, for leaning back, I suppose, and less full at the bottom. So what I did was turn it upside down so that the fuller part was at the bottom, thus pusing my hips forward enough so that the backs of my knees are not touching the edge of the chair seat. I still keep my pedal elevated about four inches, and elevate the left foot only when I begin to feel any swelling. This seems to have helped mine quite a bit. Now I only get some minor swelling when I have sat in the chair for about 14 hours. Otherwise the symptoms have abated mostly. I wish you luck in finding a solution to your problem, as well.
I have a similar story -
my girlfriend's husband was put in jail for 5 years because he was a "victim" for receiving child pornography. Says he opened up an Email and it snowballed from there.
Of course it was all a lie. He had his own website out of the UK and was filming himself masterbating. I did some research and it was amazing that almost ALL men that are busted say the same thing --- they were innocent and all they did was open an Email! Hope he rots in jail.
just had a similar experience
Your complaint would actually be through Paypal if paid by Paypal. There should be no delay required in filing this. You proceed through the complaint steps but when ebay questions that you paid via Paypal you will be redirected to the Paypal complaint process. I was not even given the option to file an Ebay complaint.
Beware though, if you should at any point withdraw the complaint (as I did - the seller promised to send me the item but said he could only if I withdrew the complaint) you can absolutely not ever reopen it.
something similar happened to me (sm)
Everyone just loved my husband, even though he only went once in a blue moon. But me and the kids, we were there for everything, helping out, participating, and yet it seemed like all anyone ever said was, "Where's your husband." Eventually, I got tired of answering the same old questions, not being appreciated for what I contributed to the church, and left. So sad that people act this way, but I guess it must just be human nature?
Happy New Year Y'all!
Only that this is strange, because a similar
feeling has come over me. I had a fling years ago that lasted a couple years. We never committed, would just meet up every couple of weeks or so. We both had a *relationship* but we were still in our early twenties. I wound up getting engaged to and marrying the guy I was in a relationship with, dumb move, very young. When this guy heard I was engaged he dumped the girlfriend and asked me not to get married and I guess finally wanting to commit to me. It broke my heart, but I didn't want to break my fiance's heart. Anyway, that was the last time I saw him. Wound up divorced after only 2 years and moved about an hour away from there. Heard he had married too around that time.
Now, I find myself thinking of him all the time and just learned he moved too and lives about 10 miles from me. I'm with my 2nd husband now for around 10 years, but c'mon is anyone really still feeling those butterflies and excitement after all these years? The answer is not usually. Why do you think affairs happen in the first place? And I do think this is probably a very common feeling especially if it was someone you were crazy about. You kind of think maybe you can start up again where you left off at a point in your life where let's face it things are not all that exciting. Let me just mention my husband is a great guy but lately we've had some major disagreements about things which I believe has made me start feeling this way. You however mention you are *content* in your relationship and sorry but something has to be wrong somewhere. Maybe the bedroom? I do however agree with the other posters that it would only cause more problems. I have given this a lot of thought myself and decided not to contact him unless I end up divorced first and I find out that he is no longer married. And for now I guess I can only imagine. :)
I've had similar. sm
Had my first miscarriage at 7 weeks. Second baby made it to about 16 weeks. I also had an ultrasound very early on with my second and subsequent pregnancies. I hope the sonogram was wrong. :hugs:
Read something similar like this,
under mouse elbow, believe it or not, sorta like tennis elbow but those who use the ole mouse. I also am bothered with some hurt around this region and only started after I started using that with my computer. Might check out and see if it sounds similar.
My female cat does something similar...
She acts like she is wiping her feet like that in the same spot in front of the TV. Every time she walks past that spot, she does that. I have no idea why.
I have had a similar experience
in the past and what I did was confront the person when he hit is kid and asked him if he needed a little help just so that he knew that I saw what had happened and that it wasn't acceptable. I could care less if an adult goes off on me as I can handle myself. I feel for the children who grow up like that. The mother has likely experienced the issue before with the man, but why make it a tattle-tale issue...instead confront the bully calmly and firmly. He would have probably been embarassed at that point and would maybe think twice about smacking his kid in public, but I doubt it would keep him from doing it at home. Would be nice to just smack him upside the head with a closed fist and see how he likes it. Whatta jerk! I understand no one saying anything though. People were probably in shock that he did that to such a young child or any child for that matter.
Have a similar problem myself - sm
Had someone local check it to see what it would cost to have them refinish it (Ethan Allen heavy/clunky/chunky coffee table), he quote $600. I bought a tablecloth for $10, problem fixed. Once I get done about a million other projects I may attempt to sand down the top and refinish it, we will see. It is in horrible shape as my kids have destroyed it basically; until then the tablecloth will do the job quite well.
A similar situation (sm)
I also read your post from below and now I feel compelled to respond. My sister went through a very similar situation. She has always been overweight and her ex-husband married her that way. He gave her grief in the entire relationship about her weight, threatened divorce, the whole bit. He, too, was very picky about how the house was kept, how his meals were prepared, etc. Like you, she did what she could to make him happy, but it never seemed to be enough. It seemed the more he ragged her about losing weight, the heavier she got. He just couldn't understand that (he never had a weight issue). They separated at one point, she moved out, only to move back in several months later to try to make things work. Guess what...it didn't work. She finally made the decision to leave for good, now she is remarried and very happy. And she is still overweight but her current husband doesn't mind (he's heavy too!). I saw my sister spend many years unhappy and it is so good to see her happy now. She and her first husband didn't have children together, but her current husband has two sons that she absolutely loves.
I know the thought of divorce must be extremely scary, and I know there are children involved. But you need to be happy, and your children need you to be happy and healthy. It doesn't sound like things are going to change in your situation. I think you know you have been there long enough to figure that out. You need to do what is best for you and your kids, and if your husband can't accept and love you for who you are, then he doesn't deserve to be with you. Just my opinion!
Best of luck to you. Keep us posted on what you decide to do!
I am going through a similar situation...
My husband said the same things about me. He left 2 years ago, then cried and came back saying he made a huge mistake. He tried to be happy for the last 2 years and a month ago, left me and our 3 kids again. He was never happy. He said he did not feel anything for me except contempt basically that I have kept him from doing the things he wants to do, fish, hunt, etc. He says he will always feel a fondness for me and the time that we were happy and the fact that we have 3 wonderful kids, but he cannot be happy with me. If he does not like who you are, then let him go. Or you go, whatever you need to do. Especially since he hit you. That is one thing you should not let go. My husband never hit me, but he was getting to the point that he hated me. I still love him, but I think the best thing for us is to not be together anymore. He is being selfish (my hubby and yours). Go, and find someone someday that will love you the way you are, flaws and perfection. That is the hope that is keeping me going, that there is still someone out there who will treat us like the goddesses we are. Hang in there!! You can do it. It will not be easy or happy, but in the long run, you will probably be better off.
Wow, I had a similar experience.
Only this was 2 dogs, tied up in the back yard, while the guy was in Iraq and the gal had gone to Greece for his R&R! They had somebody come in the morning to give them food and water, but those dogs barked ALL night long and half the day. I called Animal Control and so did my neighbor and FINALLY they took them away only because the day the Animal Control person came they had gotten impossibly tangled up in their ropes with a SKATEBOARD tangled in the whole mess! The dogs never came back and, needless to say, those folks were mad but oh well. Even when the people were not out of the country the dogs would get out and roam all over the place. I told the guy that the dogs get out and they would get hit by a car (I live in Redneckville, USA), and he got mad, called his landlady and said I didn't like his wife, called the cops, landlady threatened to sue me because her renters wanted to move, and all the while I just wanted that house OFF the face of the map (my house was here first with a vacant lot next to it). Lord, what a nightmare! Needless to say, nobody at that house EVER picked up poop!
Similar disagreement
with mine tonight, except he thought it was hilarious to talk over me. Men are weird.
I'm going through a similar issue.
I've had pain in my left upper, right upper and right lower quadrant for years now. I keep going to the doctor, he keeps trying to tell me I'm constipated. I'm not. I would know if I wasn't regular. I had a hiatal hernia when he thought my upper mid abdominal pain was reflux, and I had kidney stones when he thought my previous upper left quadrant pain was constipation. Now he tells me I'm a hypochondriac because I do medical transcription. However, they found fibroids and some other abnormality on ultrasound. Still haven't gotten those results back because they want me to pay another $150 office visit just to tell me what my $800 ultrasound said. Everyone else is telling me to have a HIDA scan to see if I have gallbladder disease for the right upper quadrant. I don't know if the left upper quadrant pain is another kidney stone or renal colic. I didn't know if fibroids hurt and would cause the right lower quadrant pain. Yes, I do worry that it's cancer. So I must be just a hypochondriac. I guess what I'm saying is, your daughter knows her body better than anybody else. If she thinks something isn't "right," she needs to pursue it. I don't think it's normal to be in pain every day.
Do similar with Lil Smokies and add jar of
x
my situation is very similar...
i was about 40 lb overweight, didn't want to go on a 'diet' or give up my food types. I started walking 30-45 min x5 days a week which helps tremendously. I joined CalorieKing.com ($55.) a year, and did not change my food types (hardly). but i log my foods eaten/exercise on line and it calculates my calories consumed/spent. (also gives nutrient breakdown). Its been less tedious and i've lost 13 lb (3 months incl holidays!) and not trying real hard. The website has lots of helpful information and is very educational. It has helped me. I've lost inches and have fit into a smaller size jeans already. I forget for sure, but believe there is a 30-day money back guarantee (or ?less days). Might check into it. p.s. i saw results in 2 weeks as i recall.
Oh I believe because similar has happened
to me as in the monster behind me. I have never been so terrified in my life. People who have not had this happen to them would find it unreal (no pun intended) but sure scares the hell.. out of you. I wonder why so many describe the same evil thing instead of having a good thing such as angels, etc. happening?
wow eerily similar -
at least you've got someone to support you - thanks for doing the same. I was beginning to think no one would understand. You know the other bad thing is my mother is alone now and she is over 2 hours the opposite direction and I am the closest geographical child to her - I try to see her as much as I can, too. Sandwich generation indeed!
Glad you're okay - since I had no TV I didn't know where else it was bad. Here the main problem was the ground was so wet that huge trees pulled up and laid over power lines - especially in older neighborhoods like where I live.
Similar situation
Fights/arguments are coming more and more often. Split our checking account/bills up several months ago. When others ask me why I stay, I always say because of our son (7 years old). Funny thing is, husband travels a lot and my son told me just yesterday how much he enjoys it when it is just him and I. So, maybe I'm just too chicken!
My situation was very similar (SM)
except that I had such low self esteem I did stay and periodically it would happen again. I was scared to leave him because I had no family or support system to go to and had children with him. Looking back I wish I had left after the very first event but it took a long time for me to get the courage and the self respect. We are now divorced.
It's a tough decision particularly if you have children. How is he if you argue with him? Does he respect you? Lots of factors to take into consideration before you decide what to do, but I'd agree with trusting your gut.
Cant put name or will get deleted but is very similar
x
I have a similar problem with my son...sm
He is 10 and hates to take baths. EVERY night you have to tell him multiple times go get a bath. I told him, Do you want to stink? He says but I don't stink. I said because you take a bath every night. If you didn't you would stink. I have told him it is a fact of life everybody has to take a bath every day. Gosh I look forward to it. But I remember being little and not wanting to also. So I guess as he gets older he will grow out of it.
kind of similar?
We didn't hesitate a second when our friend's girl fell at our home and broke her collarbone while playin. We gave her the number of our insurance agent, and actually, we only paid what her insurance didn't pay, I believe. So there is a correct way to handle this. I most certainly did not want my friend to pay anything out of pocket. So YES, it would be much cheaper for them to cooperate now, I would think!!!!
we used to do something similar when I was a teenager sm
(back when the earth was still cooling,LOL). We took a block of cream cheese and poured Tiger Sauce over it. Sure was good!! Don't know if Tiger Sauce is even still available but it would probably be along where the hot sauce is in the grocery store.
simular rather than similar
that one really gets me, too.
My lab/shep mix did something similar...sm
He's a protective dog and we introduce him to freinds carefully. He generally likes all my husbands freinds. One day we were having a poker party and we kept him in the basement. There's a half door at the top of the stairs. Several of the freinds had reached over and pet Kodi with no problems. He's seen them all before. Yet, when his cousin did it Kodi about took his hand off! Now, he's seen his cousin before, been around him, been petted by him, etc w/any problem. I told my husband that I think his cousin was high on something and Kodi sensed that. . That's the only explanation I could think of for his reaction because the cousin isn't a bad guy. Besides the drinking and drugs. In fact, he's really a sweet person and is always there for my hubby.
I had a similar experience
 I divorced my first husband in 1972 and it didn't bother me for a long time. However a few years ago I contacted him and apologized and he was such a gentleman and readily accepted my apology. You will feel SO much better after you do it!
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