I am feeling very depressed this Christmas season. I feel guilty because I
Posted By: Anyone else? on 2008-12-15
In Reply to:
would rather it would be over. I have no money to shop, and things in general are bad in my life. I am trying very hard to focus on what matters this time of year and what it is about. Anyone else having difficulty now?
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I'm feeling guilty and ashamed
I have a confession to make. Yesterday on an impulse I read my daughter's diary. She's sixteen, and she and I have always had a good relationship. I can't justify what I did by saying I suspected something. I was just curious, and knowing that she's in the beginnings of her first romance I was looking to see if there was anything - - romantic? Shame on me!
As it is, I'm happy to know that with a few exceptions that were rather minor (details of conversations, etc) she pretty much has already told me just about everything she wrote about. In a way, that makes me feel guiltier. What the heck was I thinking, betraying her privacy like that? It confirmed how much she cares about this boy - I knew that - said how much she hates her father and wants to get out of our house - knew that too, but not quite how much!
Now I'm going to have to monitor what I say to her so I don't let on I know these details. I want to talk to her about her relationship with her dad without letting on I know how bad she feels. At the same time, I'm really, really happy to find out that she's as good a kid as I have always felt she is, and so open and honest with me.
I guess I'll just have to chalk this up to experience and be glad I didn't come across anything I would have to act on like drugs or sexual activity or something.
Feedback, anybody?
I feel exactly the same. I am very depressed and
anxious now about everything and don't have the money for it this year. I have to find a way to tell my nieces, etc. that I am not buying gifts this year, but it is hard. My mom is elderly and ill and things are not right for it this year. Good luck to you.
I feel so guilty!
I have 3 cats, 1 older and 2 younger and they have been out in the garage (the older one is brought in to spend the night in the washroom) since Monday and will have to stay there until next Monday because am having new tile put in my home. My heart just could break knowing those babies are so used to being in here with me and keeping me company. I am going to do something tonight that my DH would not agree with- but he is not here and I am. I am going to bring all 3 into the bedroom for awhile and put them on the bed and having a good loving session with them before it is out to the garage again. I hope they will understand.
I am so sad and feel guilty about my cat
My furgirl of 18 years died at my home about a couple of months ago. I do not know how to get over the feeling of guilt. She had a stroke several months ago, being blinded and deaf at that time but recovered from that. I tried all to help her , even spoon feeding to make sure she ate okay but was finally told by her doctor that her organs were failing. I knew the day before she died her end was coming because she only urinated 1 time. The next day I held her in my arms and she refused even water then and I knew her life was ending. What bothers me so much, even now, is that I did not hold her up until the time she died so she could die in my arms- I made her comfortable with a light blanket with her head supported on a little pillow but I am so guilty and sad. I don’t know how to get over this. What can I do? I loved her so much and now I feel like I let her down in her time of needing someone to be close. I held her for about 5 hours the first of that day but why did I not continue to hold her? I should have and now I am paying with loads of guilt.
Please don't feel guilty...
Your sweet furgirl knew how much you loved her, and you did everything possible to make her comfortable at the end. I believe that people sometimes wait until their loved ones leave the hospital before feeling free enough to let go. It may be possible that it was easier for her to pass on while she was not in your arms. Try to remember the good times and take solace in the fact that the two of you enjoyed years of love and companionship. My heart goes out to you!
Yes, you are right that we should not feel guilty sm
and that's the whole point of my original post. You have already gotten the point somewhere along the line and I am glad for you. For those of us who have not gotten the point yet, or are just now starting to get it, why can't you either be encouraging or not comment? As far as Oprah, I personally don't see her as being the same type of image as Martha Stewart or The View.
do not feel guilty
Do not feel guilty and do not second guess yourself. You know your daughter. And no, you are not over-reacting. If you feel there is a problem, there most likely is. I went through this same thing with one of my daughters. She had been a straight A student, triple-letter athlete, etc., etc., etc., and then bang....whole new kid. She couldn't wait to be out of our home. No one who hasn't been through this can fathom the gamut of emotion it involves. In the end, it was our responsibility as parents to do everything in our power to protect this child from herself. Yes, she hated us. She once went 3 full months without speaking to us (it was the most peaceful 3 months we had had in a long time!) but we started her in counseling and didn't back down. It took a very long time, longer than I care to think about, but finally started to see some changes in her. We discovered she suffers from a significant chemical imbalance that caused depression and once she agreed to start medications (she only agreed to prove us wrong), the change was amazing. We got our daughter back. She is now a successful professional with a family of her own. Point is, you need to seek professional help. She will resist but stick to your guns. If you do not seize every avenue available to you, you will continue to doubt yourself. My heart goes out to you as I know how difficult this is. I was lucky; for my family the counseling paid off. I now have a very close relationship with this daughter. I hope you find the same.
There is nothing to feel guilty about.
In a perfect world the child whose name was drawn would not already have a Wii, and perhaps it would even be on the top of his wish list. But we don't live in a perfect world. I'm sure the orthodontist who is awarding the prize would be just as happy to know that your child got something else that he really wanted in exchange for the Wii that he already had. A prize is a prize is a prize. I think you all are being silly for trying ot make her feel like she is doing something wrong.
Too bad they don't feel guilty ENOUGH to keep themselves from
going into Tiffany's, etc and buying that garbage - cripes!!
I hear you. I feel so guilty...sm
That I can't bring these cats inside. It's so much safer for cats to be indoors. I've read that the average lifespan of an outdoor cat is only 2 years, (because of cars, dogs, etc.) and I worry about them all the time.
I never planned to have cats, because I think they should be indoors, which I can't do because I'm so darn allergic to them, and because our dogs are indoors and are not at all cat friendly.
But then these 2 came along, and they're feral. So my choices were to either ignore them and let them continue to fend for themselves, call the shelter to come and trap them (but they wouldn't be put up for adoption because they're feral, they'd be put down right away)... or do what I did (trap, neuter, vaccinate, release) and take responsibility for their care. So that's what I did.
It's definitely not a perfect situation. We have considered making the cat house entirely enclosed so they stay in there. It is a pretty big area, but I don't know if that's a good idea or not.
Sorry for your loss,...don't feel guilty though (sm)
When I am sad about something, I have a tendency to blame myself - somehow I did something wrong, otherwise why would I feel so bad? I know logically that is not rational but in my pain I always find something I did "wrong." I sometimes think back to things I did in the past and I ask myself why I did what I did and why I did not do things differently. But occasionally when I have done that, I have gone back mentally and through through all of the circumstances and I realize that if given another chance, I would probably do things the same way again. I have a habit of second-guessing my past choices - as if today I am somehow a different person than I was yesterday. The truth is you were just as good a person during the time that your beloved pet's life was ending as you are now. There were probably reasons you did not hold her the entire time...you didn't know exactly when she would pass away, maybe you felt she would be more comfortable... you are good now and you were good then...as many other posters have said, you gave her a wonderful, loving life. Don't confuse your grief with guilt...you miss her, of course, but you did not do anything wrong. Take care
Kids have a way of making us feel guilty. SM
You could start a fund of giving your son money for doing things like helping with lawn work or cleaning or whatever. He could start a paper route, with you supplementing his income.
I'm just making suggestions. Again, don't feel badly. Agree with other poster about people using credit cards.
Please don't feel guilty! You sound like a loving fur mom!..I too
lost a cat this week, also about 18 years old. She was an outside cat who never came in but about 6 weeks ago she just walked in one day and never wanted to go back out, so I figured the end was near. I feel very guilty too, but I made her comfortable, stroked her, made sure she was comfortable. Hubby went out in the pouring rain/sleet to bury her under a cedar tree where our others are buried. When I told him how bad I felt about not being here when she died, he said she had a great life because of me and how much I cared for her. I am sure you were wonderful to her. Please don't feel so guilty! My gal, the day before she died, actually did go outside, it happended to be sunny for a bit, she laid down on the deck and enjoyed the warmth and caught the last bird of her life! For a cat, she went out on a good note!
You shouldn't feel guilty because (see message)
you can't be really sure that is what she would have wanted. When my cat died, many years ago, she went away to be by herself when she died. We had to look for her to find her. Some animals just prefer to be alone. You spent time with her before she died, and then you made her comfortable. Perhaps it was easier for her to "leave" if you weren't there with her. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'd turn him in and not blink an eye or feel guilty.
We are the ones who pay for this. Just like the handicapped spaces everywhere that have people who don't seem to have a physical disability. And don't bother giving me the same old "you can't see my disability, but I have one" story. I know, bad back, bad knees, whatever. If you can drive to Wal-Mart and push the cart maybe you could walk a couple of more feet in the parking lot. You all know who you are out there.
Exactly - it's taking the time that makes me feel guilty too sm
Solution they are saying is to go to bestlife.com and sign a contract with yourself and then Oprah has a bestlife challenge with diet and exercise and other tips and an online journal, etc. In the past when I have exercised regularly, I found that I felt like I had more time, because I had more energy to get things done. So I am trying to get back to that again.
Yes, guilt is my downfall. Now, I feel guilty because she has no life survival skills because I have
done everything for her...so now I blame myself about how she will survive because she has no idea what to do. I guess I didn't have anyone leading my way. I've been on my own since I was 16 years old and I made it okay. She calls me for EVERYTHING..how do I do this.. how do I do that and I know now it's time just to let her fall because she'll never learn how to pick herself up if I keep doing it. That's the hardest teacher..falling on your face. She even said that she feels different because she doesn't know anything other kids her age know how to do.. That right there should have made me STOP.. I have not done her any favors..When I thought I was helping her, I was just making it worse and enabling. I'm done with it. Thanks for listening.
that's a good idea! i just get the feeling they want big money gifts and i don't feel it is n
;
sadly it doesn't feel at all like Christmas to me...
I mean on the one hand I am so thankful and blessed for all that I have and all that I am able to do, I know this..
Three weeks ago I moved from Nevada to South Carolina to be closer to my 4-month old niece (my sister's husband is stationed at Camp Lejeune) Thanks to MT, I could pick up and go... However we are so far from home and even though I adore my niece (hello i moved to be closer to her!!) It is really not the same without my parents (who are still in California where we grew up) and my older sister who lives in Nevada where I do.
I miss the dinner my dad cooks, I miss just spending time with them, even though I am happy to be in the company I am. if that makes sense. come on I miss the family fights!!!
On the other hand, I did absolutely NO shopping this year, which really puts me in a sour mood as well. I just simply didn't have the money and with the economy getting worse, it just wouldn't be smart to keep adding to my already mile high debt... So that is another reason I am not feeling Christmas this year.
Christmas is normally my favorite time of the year... the lights, the happiness, just the season for being "merry".
I am a happy person and above I said I am blessed. I know these things, but it's a sad Christmas this year. Even though that precious face below makes me light up like never before...
I miss my home and I wish they would move closer :(
That is me being selfish, I know!!!
I am hoping my spirit lifts tomorrow and I'd really like to bake some cookies. My brother in law wants snickerdoodles and I wanted to try those, never have before. any good recipes?
I know things will pick back up. This was a huge move for me, I left all the people I knew and loved and it is definitely an adventure and I'm proud of myself, don't get me wrong. The holidays ALWAYS put you in a certain kind of mood!!! :)
I wish everyone the best and can't wait for the start of a new year!! Merry Christmas
Don't feel like sending Christmas cards this year
Christmas is next week. Got pix of the family to put in the cards, and tons of Christmas cards from last year's Christmas sales. Every day, I say, I will do these cards. At least to grandma and grandpa on both sides. Every day, I put it off. DH got a roll of stamps and he has the cards sitting on his nightstand with pix, he has not done any either.
Thus far we got several newsletters from people, saying they did this, they did that, they celebrated this birthday, their kid did this and that. We don't plan to do a newsletter this year, b/c it seems to me these newsletters sound so self-centered! They are not even from family members, they are from DH coworkers and such.
My friends send me e-cards pretty much or we chat over the I-net. We send holiday greetings and catch up that way. My son will be getting grandma and grandpa's on both sides presents the end of the week, and I think I will just put the pictures in the packages when I send and forget about the cards.
This is really sad. Years ago, Dec 1 we'd get a bunch of cards and have ours sent out. Different colors of ink on the envelopes, red and green, holiday stamps, it would be so fun. All the cards we'd get my dad or I would put on a board in shape of a tree and we'd put it on the wall.
Now, it seems with snail mail, and so many other worries about cutting budget, finding enough work, I am not in the mood to write cards. Maybe it will become a thing of the past, and the boxes of cards will accumulate dust in the top of the closet.
Anybody else in this predicament? Thanks in advance for sharing your card stories.
it's not off season - there is no season anymore
It might not be in season for students who are in school currently but it's mighty busy here! Traffic is deplorable as the snowbirds are here currently - from now until June hopefully *S*
We like BUSY in Central/South Florida *lol*
You seem to be depressed. You should be SM
getting some joy from life, your work, your family, your friends. Those are the most important things.
Is there any way you can see a therapist? I would talk to your family physician about antidepressants or see who he/she can recommend you see.
I know he is depressed...but
he refuses to ask a doctor about it and get medication. I have tried multiple times to get him to. I have to take antidepressants myself. If I don't I don't want to do anything. I have told him this, but he won't listen. So I can't force him. I let him eat when he comes over and all. But what I am concerned about is when he is evicted he can't live here and how do I tell him that? My husband says absolutely not because he sold a mobile home he had a few months back that was paid for and blew the money. He said he shouldn't have sold it and he would have a place to live. He said he cannot live here. I have to tell him if he asks no. And he does hint about it. My husband is a truckdriver and I know when he is gone dad is gonna say well can I just sleep here while he is gone. My husband says no he is not. He said he has to learn to stand on his own two feet. How do I tell him? How would you go about it? I thought I would just say you have to talk to Steven (my husband). Of course he isn't gonna ask my husband.
What to do, What to do?
No way! He may be depressed,
but he created this huge mess of his life. It is not his daughter's responsibility to pick up the pieces for him. (Just to fill in the back story, dad blew all his money on a mistress. Mom didn't just throw him out.)
I think the OP should have her husband tell her dad in no uncertain terms that he WILL NOT be staying with them when he loses his apartment. Since the OP understandably has a weak spot for her dad, her hubby should step in BEFORE he is out on the street, look ole' dad in the eye and tell him it's time to be a man and stop the whining.
Just wondering, OP, has your dad ever asked you or your mother to forgive him for all the pain he caused?
Sweetie, I am depressed because of the
state of the world, and I guess maybe I was supposed to post for you. I wish I could help you, bring you a smile. Your poor children. What a sad world this is with people hurting as you are hurting. That is what is depressing me. I guess I did expect maybe a smile from these people in real life. That's all I tried to say. I am depressed over what kind of world this is, where neighbors can't say hello and smile, where even church members just are members on paper only on a mailing list, but can't sit and smile, especially during the Holidays. I am so sorry for all the hurt you have been thru, and, yes, I have been seriously hurt as well. I have moved on, though, and will never ever lose my joy. Thank you sincerely for helping me see this.
I'm officially depressed
If I made $80,000/year , I would think I was rich. . I am single but only make about 19,000 per year - thank God my child is out on her own.
She sounds depressed. Sorry if that offends
xx
Just venting somewhat about depressed parents sm
I feel the need to vent a little about my parents. I talk sometimes with my hubby but he doesn't give much input. I'm close with my parents (I'm 36 they are in their mid 50s). My dad has always been controlling and negative (causing stress on our family). I'm an only child. I'm not going to go into deep details about stuff. My parents are not financially stable. My mom is a hard worker, always has been. My dad hasn't worked for almost 9 years. He rehabs houses when he has one to rehab. They are down in the dumps I think because of money. My mom gets stressed out with her job and then not having financial help from my dad, that stresses her. My dad is a negative person. He lost his mom when he was in his 20s and I'm not sure if he believes in God. He doesn't have faith at all. He gets jealous when my kids stay the night with my in-laws (my parents like my in-laws). There's no talking with my dad. The one time I tried to talk to him about something he said to me that hurt my feelings (I was 30), he didn't talk to me for a whole week. Sometimes I feel guilty for being happy. My hubby and I are fine financially, with our faith. I wish I could sit them down and talk with them, but there would be nothing but negative talk coming from them. I know that really you can't help someone unless they are ready to help themselves. It's really hard to say exactly what I feel. I love my parents, I want them to be happy, but then I feel like YOU are the only one who can change your life, or what makes you happy. I don't want disconnect from my parents (they live a mile from us). If my dad would just go get a job, I believe he'd feel so much better about himself. Anyway, I'm really sorry for rambling on like this. I just don't have anyone to talk to. I sometimes feel responsible for my parent's happiness/unhappiness. But growing up, I could never do anything right to please my dad, so I guess that's why I feel that way. There's so much I could type about, but not going to. There have been numerous times I thought to myself that I wish my mom would've never married my dad. Anyway, thanks for listening.
Actually, he sounds clinically depressed - sm
I would call the local "crisis response team" and say you think he is a danger to himself, to get him in for a 72-hour evaluation. Sounds to me like he needs to be on some meds, get some counseling, and - if he is faking - see that his threats have consequences. If he isn't faking, you'll have helped him get professional care. Good luck.
I am so depressed about them finding James Kim dead. I am having a really sm
hard time grasping this that I can't imagine what his poor wife and family must be going through. I can't even move and want to read everything about them finding him, etc. if he only stayed in the car with them - He left Saturday morning to look for help and the found his wife and girls on Monday. And he was found dead today miles from where the car was found.
I guess I could thank God that his wife and 2 children are still alive. I am happy they are alive, but it just makes me unbelievably sad what he must have gone through. He had such a great will to live and yet he died out there.
I don't know if anyone out there reading this who lives in Oregon, but I certainly have zero desire to EVER venture out into the Oregon wilderness, now more so than ever. I've heard horror stories about one-lane, winding, extremely hazardous roads and I don't understand why the state won't fix that? This isn't the first family to go through something like this because a lot of maps are contradicting.
This should serve as a warning to anyone who wants to travel the Oregon mountains, especially in the wintertime - DON'T DO IT.
How tragic and sad. 
Why would it offend me? And suggesting someone is depressed isn't a putdown anyhow. NM
x
Hayseed..you crack me up.. I needed that. I was sitting here on the verge of tears..depressed..and
you made me laugh. Sadly, even her dad couldn't save her though. She lived with him but he was on the verge of a heart attack ( I feel his pain). He said he tried to avoid going home because he would get heart palpitations which I now recognize as anxiety that I also get around her. He just couldn't deal with it anymore. She drives everyone away and that hurts me too but yeah I keep thinking the only way I'll ever get away from her is enroll in a witness protection program..and of course, I feel guilty for wanting to get away from her.
What are people supposed to call Christmas Eve and Christmas Day now?? (nm)
x
Guilty Mom
Well, you've already said what my feelings are which is, I would snoop if I felt that I had a reason to and I've always told my children this. Privacy goes out the window if something is wrong. But, you admit you did it just out of nosiness - oh well, none of us are perfect and we get a little "crazy" sometimes when it comes to our children. Good for her (and you) that it just confirmed her maturity and that she's a good kid (with obviously good parents).
As far as her relationship with her dad, I would not talk to her about what you've read, but maybe try to finagle (spelling?) some time for them to be together to get a little closer. I can say at that age, I pretty much felt the same way about my father and couldn't wait also to get out of my house. Ended up getting married at 18 straight out of high school. BUT, as I've aged, I've become very close to my father and realize a lot of what I didn't like about him when I was younger was just him wanting us to behave and being worried about us kids. So, in other words, you may not be able to do anything now to enhance that relationship, but hopefully it will grow on its own. Can you talk to your husband about this?
Guilty pleasures
Mine too! I love Y&R and I have been watching since I was a teenager. I think Phyllis is great! I would like to see her back with Jack though.
I'm not sure Nick is dead either. I guess time will tell.
Guilty all the time - why?? (sm)
I constantly feel guilty. If I exercise, I feel guilty for taking the time to do that. If I don't I feel guilty because I didn't. If I diet, I feel guilty for thinking too much about what I am going to eat and taking too much time for myself. If I take a day off from work I feel guilty, but if I don't work and and spend the day with my family I feel guilty for that too. What the heck is wrong with me? I wake up in the middle of the night feeling guilty. What is wrong with me??
OJ Found Guilty
Simpson Found Guilty on All Charges
By LINDA DEUTSCH, AP
posted: 10 MINUTES AGOcomments: 1245filed under: Crime News, National NewsPrintShareText SizeAAALAS VEGAS (Oct. 3) --
Thirteen years to the day after being acquitted of killing his wife and her friend in Los Angeles, O.J. Simpson was found guilty of robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room.
The 61-year-old former football star was convicted of all 12 counts late Friday after jurors deliberated for more than 13 hours. He released a heavy sigh as the charges were read and was immediately taken into custody.
I agree his is guilty as well, I just wonder
why all of the sudden she believes her sisters now.
I have been guilty of the same thing
The best thing to do is just make a list and stick to it. Clothing used to be my biggest weakness so I try to avoid that area in the store since I have plenty of clothes. At craft fairs or anything extra I get to do (rare occasion anymore) I usually just take cash only. I went to an arts & craft fair 2 weeks ago and only took $50 cash. When it was gone, I just went home.
yes, i sure did andyou can't tell me he wasn't guilty. nm
;
sounds to me he is guilty. maybe he is having an affair and sm
wants you to divorce him and that is his way of trying to get you to do so. I would leave the SOB. No one deserves that sort of verbal abuse. Just my 2 cents.
Well, I'm guilty of giving neighbors' dog
he does come over our fence, literally climbs over, and comes into our yard and then our house. He goes straight to the kitchen, waits for a treat and then goes out the front door and to his yard. He gets ignored a lot so I feel sorry for him. He's so cute.
OJ book and trial, innocent or guilty?
I saw the message about OJ and the book about whether or not he actually did the crime. What I would like to know from the MTers discussing this, did any of you watch the trial from start to finish? The newspapers, television shows, etc. most all the time fabricated parts leaning towards his part in this crime. I saw it all from start to finish, every single day and after that made my own decision regarding the guilt or innocence, not by what I read in the papers or heard on the news. The most important piece of "evidence" supposedly was the glove issue. The trial showed a receipt from a store from accessories. Never ever did they match a scanned number, price, date bought or whatever with the glove buying, but then again I guess most of you watched all the trial?
He's guilty as sin and I cannot read his obituary in the news
nm
Michael Vick pleds GUILTY to
dogfighting charges and will be sentenced December 10th. He is having a news conference at about 11:30 a.m. EST. There are people that are supporting him. How can anyone condone what he has done. There were supporters at the court house in Virginia who were clapping and singing and saying that they LOVED HIM. OMG. He better get time in jail or I have lost all faith in the court system for CELEBS. He did the crime now he must pay the time. I do not care what color he is. He did a horrible thing and should not get away with it.
Another country heard from...guilty mothers
who think only material things make their little one happy, have to get affirmation and praise for every decision they make...your poor husbands!
Home Alone 1, A Christmas Story, Home for the Holidays, Chevy Chase's Christmas, sm
There "The Gift of the Magi," He sells his gold watch to buy her a comb for her hair and she sells her beautiful long hair to buy him a chain for his gold watch. It used to be on "Short Stories by O'Henry" but that's long gone, long ago. Good moral to the story. I can't stand "It's a Wonderful Life" -- too depressing, especially with banks closing, too intimidating right now!!!
Guilty! But I only work PT and do meet personal quota. Also spend too
s
That's probably why it has now become the on-season
everyone seems to be going when it's cheaper!
N/T this season
I'm not sure if Carly will be a regular or not. I would imagine she'll be on at least a few more episodes. I felt so bad when Christian did the lipstick thing. Still loving Christian, but I definitely didn't like the things he did last week. He's just jealous of Sean or at least that's the way I see it. I did love the scenes with he and Wilbur though, so cute.
N/T Last Season
I guess the way it's supposed to work (I'm on a N/T board), there is a short season for 2009, and then there is another season in 2010, but I think there's supposed to be another huge gab in between seasons. You should go to You Tube and check out the previews and let me know what you think. Looks like a great year.
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