I agree you have a tough situation there sm
Posted By: mlstoo on 2007-12-05
In Reply to: He's a little...off. - Completely stressed out.
my friend any my heart goes out to you. I wonder if the school has any suggestions,maybe if you spoke to the school psychologist, if one is available? I'm not an expert here but someone other than your main doctor might have some answers and guidance for you. You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.
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A tough situation? She's rich.
thinks of this young man now? Ohhhh, maybe it's okay because she's supposedly doing the right thing. Pulleezzee!!!! God bless her!!!
Tough situation to be in. All that stuff can be fun. The problem
is in what it represents maybe. If you feel it does not affect you or your family's committment to Christ then have fun with it. The areas of 'gray' are getting larger so I think you have to find your own peace about it. Obviously your pastor has very strong opinions about it. We attended Southern Baptist for a very long time and we always did a fall celebration....leaves, hay, bonfire, hotdogs, apple bobbing and it was and still is my favorite time of year (I live in PA). Hope you can find a solution!
Leave a big sign on her nightstand, tough situation! Some are thiefs, offer a reward!
nm
Tough love can be a good thing - I agree w/you
You did the right thing. He needs to learn otherwise you are going to have a yo-yo on your hands.
I wish I had stuck to my guns the first time my son did that. It took me a few years to learn. Moving away from home is NOT something small. It is a BIG thing and you son needs to realize that. I WISH I had listened to someone besides my mothers advice and maybe my son would be better off.
IMHO--- People should get real - You took YOUR key back You did NOT kick him out you were giving him what he wanted. You did NOT put him out into the streets.
Stick to your guns mom and I think that one day he will be a better man for it.
Tough on who??
tough for IRS to track you - not tough at all....they will catch you eventually if you are IC and don't pay taxes.
tough for you to track how to pay, when, etc.?? Also not tough. Every time you get a check, take about 35% of that and put it in a savings account. You could probably get away with paying yearly for awhile but safest bet is to pay quarterly. Download forms from IRS or your tax program and you can print a payment coupon.
You may want to do a search on the main board on this subject. It has been discussed. Some put aside 25%, some 30%, some 35%. Some pay quarterly, some yearly. Depends on if co-file and if that person takes money out of his/her check to cover part of your taxes.
That's a tough one.
Wow! Talk about going overboard. I thought my parents and MIL were bad - your MIL is really obsessed with those VERY expensive baskets.
Has your hubby tried talking to her?
How about giving them away as gifts to teachers or someone you think might be able to use them w/o your MIL knowing of course.
I really do feel for you because though your MIL means well and sounds like a beautiful person just the same it's just too much and such a waste of money.
Lots of luck to you.
Boy, that's a tough one
One of the defining moments of my life was when I saw my son's tiny heart fluttering on an ultrasound screen. Up to then, although I had known I was pregnant (I was 8 weeks), the reality of it hadn't hit me, not in the way that it did when I saw that tiny beating heart.
I am definitely not pro-choice but I am not radically pro-life either. What I do oppose is additional governmental inference in our lives. So, as I said, this is a tough one....my heart says "yes" but my head says "no".
Tough one.
My thoughts are when the children are small, they won't care if you live in a tent in a national park (in fact, they would probably prefer it). When they are teens, it doesn't matter where you/they live, they are going to complain about it. Bill Gates' kids will probably be asking why can't they live in a normal house like all their friends, and why do they have to have such a large carbon footprint?
We lived in a single family home with lots of acreage. Some of the kids' best friends lived in apartments in the city as well as mobile home parks. It made no difference whatsoever to them about the living circumstances of their friends and their friends' parents, and they stayed over at those friends just as often as those friends stayed over with us. Our house at that time was *very* nice and we had 4 or 5 horses at all times for riding, but were our kids impressed by that? No, they complained because we were hicks because we had chickens in our yard and their city friends did not.
I think the bottom line is wherever you are the happiest is where they will be the happiest.
Tough
Wow, that is a tough one. I know that you don't want to step on your son's toes by stepping in. Besides, he would probably be embarassed. I tell my 5-year-old daughter that if someone is not nice to her then they are not her friend. We have a similar situation going on here with the neighbor across the street who rides the bus with my daughter. She is much older and picks on my daughter. I had a talk with the older "bully" that seemed to work for now. Good luck!
that's tough...
I don't know anything about this but could it possible be that she has dermatillomania. Google it, there is a lot of information. I went to elementary school with a girl who had trichotillomania (pulling out hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, etc.) and that is what prompted me to google and found dermatillomania. I think you made a good call asking your son to talk to a counselor about it. From what you have described it sounds like she definitely needs some help but who knows how her parent's would react to you contacting them directly.
It's tough, that's for sure.
I tried smaller companies and larger. Gotta tell you there are a lot of companies (big and small) out there looking to take advantage of a new MT. I came across several myself. One wanted me to start working immediately, that day, right now, with no hiring agreement or anything. All they knew was my first name, had a cut and paste partial resume, phone interview, and a "test" which I don't even think was a test but free work.
It is sad what the jobs are like out there right now for MTs. I am fortunate to have a husband with a good job, not much financial overhead, and more in need of flexibility. For my "foot in the door" so to speak and a foot out of the 24/7 schedule of inhouse hospital transcription it was the price I had to pay.
That's a tough one.
I hate politics...especially among parents in school and sporting events.
I would follow your gut. You didn't say if you agree with what was done to the previous president or not. As little association with the annoying neighbor as possible seems logical to me. There's no reason why your children can't be friends and the 2 of you can be acquaitances but not great friends. I think you did the right thing by not joining in her comments and if it continues in the future, maybe just get up and say you have to go. She should get the message.
As far as you continuing on as president, you should do it for your kids but only for your kids. If there's a point where you can't handle it, ask for help. Who knows, the ex-president might even be willing to help you out or give pointers....don't take someone else's word for it that she didn't do a good job...maybe this annoying neighbor is just pushy. Sounds to me like there might be an underlying reason why no one else (mainly the annoying neighbor) wanted to be president but wanted you to do it. If you really think you have gotten in over your head, you're probably better off getting out now than waiting to when the school year starts. Surely someone else can step in. The school isn't going to fall apart.
I am so sorry. You are going to have to get really tough it looks like nm
x
So sorry - this is a tough one
I REALLY feel badly for you. This has got to be absolutely horrible for you to deal with, as there is not much that can be done, and it is hurting your health. There is only one thing you can do, and that is move. Is there some way you could find a way to do it? The problem with apartment living is that this could happen again, even if you do move, but don't know if it would be this bad. I truly feel your pain, I wish there was a more helpful suggestion to make.
It's tough
but it does get easier as they get a bit older.
I had two and both had colic ... yikes! I also got mastitis in one breast and felt pretty sick. I breast fed for only a few weeks with the first and a couple months with the second.
My youngest just had her first baby in April. She is feeling similar (and got mastitis in both breasts) and thinks she will stop breast feeding at about two months. She says she barely goes to the bathroom some days because she is always busy with the baby or holding him.
As they get more alert, you will ironically have more free time. Plus it is much easier to carry them around once they can just ride on your hip.
I would say if breast feeding is done long enough to get the colostrum, that's the main thing.
P.S. FYI, I found having two much more work than one for at least the first year.
that is tough
but he probably figures what is the point...not going to change the outcome.
that's certainly a tough one. but there are some rxs when all else fails.
.
Must be tough for you guys
Sorry for your troubles and losses...
Isolation is tough sm
I had an office doing this but never had the time to socialize with anyone in the building as I hated it if they came into my office because it meant I had to stop working. They used to call me "the robot" and that's exactly what I was. I am now home and don't get out to do things in the neighborhood, don't know my neighbors nor do I want to. I do feel like I missed out on life although I had a good thing going and it helped get my kids through school, etc., except it made me socially inept. Even when I had someone working for me, I would not stop to talk to them and resented it if they took time to jabber on the phone, etc. I was a slave driver to myself and everyone else. This job is enough to drive one to the looney bin. We shall all have to end up in the same place I guess when we get old. I don't know how to socialize anymore and I used to enjoy people. Perhaps this work has made me an introvert or I went into this profession because I am an introvert, who knows? I can relate. No one else outside the field can though, I guess they are "normal" and I am not. When I do go out to do something, I always think of the lines I am losing and feel like I'm wasting time and could be making a line count. Crazy!!
tough call
I know this is tough for you. . I have always hated to tell my daughter no. . Unfortunately, I have had to tell her no many times. . if you don't have the money, you don't have it. . not much you can do. . BUT. are there any programs or anything that could help your daughter - where I live, we have a free clinic for people to go to who don't have insurance. .
Sounds tough
Get what you can for the house, furniture and whatever you have, buy a truck with a camper, head for the warmer climes or even Mexico and live the good life and be mobile and go where the jobs are like a migrant worker. Think outside the box.Just a thought, it might even be fun, an adventure.
Tough times
I just skimmed your post and didn't read the others, but I know that often children will feel the mom is more to blame for a breakup between parents, so he might feel a little betrayed by you right off the bat, making him more sensitive to anything else you say or do.
When you think about how hard it is for adults to understand their own emotions and then present them to another, it makes it easy to understand why children have such a hard time.
I think the best thing is to try to help him feel comforatable sorting out and expressing his real feelings to you. Most of our actions and words are the consequence of a deeper/bigger emotion and not the actual issue.
Tough question
I would like to give a really deep answer, but probably Paula Deen. I love to cook and she just seems like so much fun. I read her book and know that she has overcome much in her life. I really admire her.
How tough is it to track taxes
Have a job offer but am worried about going IC.
Yeah, tough call, as I said above -
There are many many reasons why someone might choose abortion, not just as birth control.
I should clarify that when I said I disagree with abortion, what I mean is that I wouldn't personally choose it for myself but I would NOT tell someone else that they shouldn't.
Many years ago, I walked through a picket line with a friend who found herself pregnant and her husband still left her for another woman. Not just left her, he left the COUNTRY after 12 years of marriage. He did NOT want any more kids (they had 3.)
Tough call for her and I know she struggled with it enough without me telling her she shouldn't.
""Love Must Be Tough" -- written by (sm)
Dr. James Dobson -- excellent for couples with significant marriage problems -- please read.
Sounds like your husband is seriously involved with "someone else." And, if so, you could never be organized enough or tall/thin enough. His insulting remarks are possibly his outlet to relieve himself of "guilt." Don't give up -- be tough!!
Just another opinion!! May God bless you in your decision-making.
The first day of any drastic change is tough!
In fact, the first couple of days! But it'll be soooo worth it. I've always eaten plenty of health foods. Problem is, I've also eaten plenty of really bad stuff, as well. I won't even list my weaknesses, because they are the usual fat and sugar things, and there's no need to have us both wishing for those things!
Just today I started back on my WW plan. It's worked for me before, but there are a lot of things allowed on WW that I won't go near, like fat-free processed foods and sugar substitutes. I'd rather concentrate on natural foods. Lucky for me, my mother was a real tyrant when it came to soda. She wouldn't allow us to have it. I thought she was absolutely wicked when I was a kid, but I have to say, as a result of her soft drink ban, I never developed a real love for the stuff. I much prefer plain old water, and probably only drink soda a couple times a year. Today I've been pretty good, though I'm behind on my water intake. But, I did go to the YMCA and did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. I've found that exercise helps so much. I hate doing it. I hate even thinking about exercise. I hate absolutely everything leading up to exercise, and I hate about the first 10 or 15 minutes of exercising. However, the feeling after I've completed a workout is FANTASTIC! And I know that in a week or so, after walking, swimming and just plain moving each day, I will feel sooo much better.
You need support to get through this. If you find a good on-line group, let me know! Or email me, and we'll try to lift each other up. I've got 60 pounds to lose. (Who am I kidding... it's more like 75), so I have a long road to walk, too, and I've got to pick up the pace, because I'm not getting any younger, and the health problems are starting to pile on with the pounds.
It was a tough decision, but I'm glad you got
your daughter's input and did not have to make the decision alone. Two things will happen. She will find out what a paddling is...and it sounds like she will only need ONE lesson about that issue. The second is that the paddling is over and done with...HER choice. You can't save her from all the bad things life is going to bring her, and she brought the consequence on herself and chose her punishment.
You should be proud that she chose EDUCATION by not missing class. THAT will last a lot longer than some stinging on the bum for a few hours. It does not matter which punishment she received, she will feel regret. She will receive a lesson in following the rules and not ruin her grades by missing class.
If it were ever to happen again, I would ask for an option of extra school work of some sort...a book report, etc., or running laps around the track.
Don't let these extremists make you feel so bad. I seriously doubt there will be any bruising. You made a good choice for letting her have input into her consequence. It sounds like no matter what happens, she has learned a lesson.
Good luck to you!
Maybe, but do they have to be that tough even in high school? sm
There are so many stories of homosexual high-schoolers being bullied and some even killed. I agree that they have to learn to live in the world as it is, but as high-schoolers, I am inclined to say they deserve some protection.
This was great but the box was tough to chew!
..Just kidding, love mac & cheese and this is so easy!
This was great but the box was tough to chew!
..Just kidding, love mac & cheese and this is so easy!
Facing a tough decision soon (sm)
We have been renting for about 5 or 6 years, I can't remember exactly, but the landlord has since divorced and is ready to sell his house. He has always said he would offer to us first. Last year I had asked about owner financing, which he said he'd think about.
I get a call today from him stating that he's ready to take that step and that no, he cannot finance. He wants to get cash, pay off a loan he has against this house (that he had to get to pay for his divorce) and wants to move on. He's a super nice guy and said he wasn't in a major hurry, but is in the thinking phase, so he was letting me know that it's going to be available sometime this year. He said he'd give us time to talk to the bank and what not, and that he knows it will take some time to get things moving.
Thing is, I'm afraid to call the bank. Both DH and I have lousy credit right now. I asked a friend if they would still finance and she said it can't hurt to call to find out.
I guess we can go find another place to live, but I really like this area and the house (but it does need some work). The landlord told me the appraisal from 3 years ago, which I can't believe it appraised as high as he said. He said he would pay for another appraisal from a friend of his, but my friend who works in the bank said the bank would do their own appraisal and it probably wouldn't be as high as the one his friend did.
Wish us luck in figuring this out! Has anyone else ever had to face this??? If so, what did you do?
It's a tough world out there. Siblings will be there when parents are gone.
I only have one and I wish I could give him siblings.
I just need to vent! My 15yo son is going through a tough time. SM
Lately, my son has been hanging with the wrong crowd -- a crowd known to be into pot and drinking, etc. One of the guys in his group is 23 years old. I have been doing everything in my power to keep him from this group, restricting him to home after school, not letting him leave the house, but he has become rebellious and basically just walks out even when I tell him to stay.
On Friday, I received a call from the local police telling me they had found my son's backpack in the park -- his name was in it -- and inside the backpack was a bong. They said they didn't have enough to charge him with anything because since the pack had been sitting in the park, anybody could have put anything in it. The police office, however, notified the school and the school in turn called me. I immediately jerked him out of school and took him for a drug test which was negative -- thank goodness! Still I'm disturbed by all of this.
I have set him down and told him he is grounded untill further notice and I have come up with a list of who he can hang out with and who he cannot. One of the boys I am allowing him to be friends with has a single mom and she is basically doing the same things I am doing trying to keep him on the straight and narrow. We both communicated very well with each other.
However, over the weekend my sister and brother-in-law involved themselves in my business -- which they do quite a lot especially since I literally live three houses down from them. My brother-in-law absolutely hates me son. He is an jerk to my son every time my son is around. My son cannot stand him either ever since he was 3 years old and my BIL slapped him upside the head when we lived with them. My BIL is a jerk to his own kids, slamming my nephew into walls and choking him, etc. Anyway, my BIL comes to my house with his chest all puffed up saying he did not want my son around his son (my nephew). He basically acted like he was father of the year and started to lecture me on what was wrong with my son. This infuriated me. He even went as far as to say he did not want my son at his house because he thought he would steal from them! My son has never stolen anything from anybody -- EVER!
Before I had a chance to respond my phone rang and he was back in his car and gone. Then he proceeded to talk to the woman whose son I have allowed my son to stay friends with and filled her ear with a bunch of crap and now she is forbidden her son from coming to my house or hanging out with my son.
My sister involved my mother and my mother tells me that my sister didn't want her husband to come to my house and say those things and that she is genuinely worried about my son and that I shouldn't be mad at my sister. Thing is, my sister hasn't called me to talk about it or tell me that she didn't want her husband to do what he did. She has just communicated with my mom and that's it.
Anyway, I've just been so upset about all of this and I've been debating on whether or not I should call my sister and tell her what I think of her husband and to tell her husband to mind his business and stay the heck out of mine.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Wouldn't gluten-free be tough to do?
But it would certainly be a huge convenience for people who shouldn't have gluten. I wonder how many people are even able to be compliant with a gluten-free diet.
Nope - we assume it'll be tough
I think boomers are the last of the "fix it" generations - able to make simple repairs, jump a stalled vehicle, do things "the hard way/old fashioned way" on manual, non-electronic office equipment and machines, tell time on a wind-up non-digital clock.
Many people from younger generations admit they know how to do very little unless it happens to be their college-trained specialty. Things boomers take for granted as normal life skills like
Sew up a rip in clothing or replace a button
Pull a car out of a ditch or change a flat tire
Cook dinner from scratch, and substitute ingredients in a pinch
Do long division on paper instead of a computer, and make change without electronic help
Many who don't know, don't want to learn - they always assume there'll be someone out there they can hire to do it for them. As a boomer I've always been shocked and dismayed at younger generations blithe lack of self-sufficiency. Seems like they don't know how to do anything - and don't want to know.
Tough Love advice. My 19-year-old daughter is making me nuts..
I don't even know where to start with this one but I'll just to give a short summary. My 19-year-old daughter has been troubled since I can remember. For example, her terrible twos went beyond that..if you didn't peel her orange right, she didn't want it and would throw it across the room. I think her diagnosis is best described as ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and bipolar. She has a quick temper and at age 5 blackened her 12-year-old brother's eyes with a book because he got in her face. She has annoyed everyone she has come into contact with. She is very immature. We have tried everything to get her help because once she became a teenager it just got worse. She is self-destructive and I became the enabler and now it is out of control. She would not go to school so she does not have an education. We had to call the cops numerous times because of her violent outbursts. We had her arrested when she stole our credit cards so she could learn a lesson but the courts did nothing. She was supposed to be court ordered to have a job and attend school, of which she did nothing and there was no punishment. She has never suffered any consequences no matter how hard we tried. She was charged with 10 felonies for the credit card theft but got nothing. She just batted her big blue eyes at the judge and it all went away. I have paid her rent for a year or two, bought her a car and paid for it. All of these of course when she had a job but right after I did all of this she stopped going. She got into meth..You would not believe my heartbreaking nightmare. Some days I just don't think I can take another minute of it. At this point, she is now homeless because I just cannot keep paying her bills. She just totaled the car so she has no car and no job and still wants me to pay her way and she has lost her license due to DUI and driving again without privileges. It never stops. How far do I take this? She calls me for money that she says is to eat but if I keep giving her money then what is her motivation to go to work. I kept thinking if she hit bottom she could only come up..but she likes the bottom and just hovers there. She adapts to any environment. So when does she wake up and do you think tough love would work on a child with mental issues. I paid all of her doctor bills so she could get help and on medication but just found out she hasnt been taking them. I know I have so many questions but I have no idea how to "fix her" anymore. I know she needs to help herself but how much is she actually capable of being on drugs and mental health issues. This is devastating to our family and when I don't help her she becomes suicidal and I want to just hang up because I know she is manipulating but what if this is the time she really does something. I tried to take her into the hospital because of her meth addiction because she finally asked for help and was told there really wasn't any programs for her because she didn't have insurance so I left just thinking.."well, I guess you'll have to do it on your own, there is no help." Now, that is heartwrenching. At some point, I know she just has to grownup, but I don't know if I can survive this. I'm stressed 24/7 and sadly whenever she calls I get such bad anxiety. I can hardly be around her because she is so manipulative and I feel guilty that I try to avoid her. I always thought it'd be different if I just loved her more, spend more time with her and so as a mom, I blame myself because she is so messed up. Guilt just fuels the enabling.. Help.. any suggestions, advice??
What an awesome post! I agree, agree, agree completely with you.
 You are right on the money in my book! 
you are right, you do not know the situation...
and I did not go into complete detail, but at all the churches I was a giver of time, money, and self. I never said anything to members that would have hurt them in anyway. I was told by one pastor that I was a dying plauged horse that needed to find a field and die because he asked why he could not keep any men in the church and when my husband and I very lovingly explained why he got mad and what happened next got very ugly.
In the last church I was in I was basically running the church for him because he was too busy working his other job and such, spending church money on things other than what he was telling the congregation, etc, and when I told his fiance privately in a very loving way after much, much prayer that she needed to think about her children, as child services was getting ready to take them, he found out and called me every name in the book and told me that if I ever stepped on the property he would have me arrested. He told the congregation I left on my own and he had nothing to do with it. There are many more details that go with this situation, but I will leave it at that.
One church we were stuck in the middle of a church split and were on the wrong side of the split.
I will not go on. But I have tried to be a dedicated church member, doing every thing I could to fit in, do as I was told, sing and lead 3 worship services a week, at the church every time the church opened, lost friends, etc. trying to do what I thought God was instructing me to do and every time I ended up getting so deeply hurt that this last split has made it to where I get physically sick even thinking of going back to church. It is called "spiritual abuse" and unless you have gone through it you have no idea what it is like. I am glad you have a church you like and treats you correctly, but until you have been through what I have seen, heard, and been through you have no idea.
There are many a pastor out there who are independent and get corrupted by the power they have from the position of being a "man of God" and it is scary what can happen.
I will leave it at that, but there are times where Christians need to look at their actions and words and make sure they are inviting people to want to become Christians instead of making them want to run as far as possible in the opposite direction. Just my 2 cents.
Very sad situation......(sm)
I really do feel bad for you because of what has happened. Your sister should have offered to pay 'something!' And since she did not offer, I know that makes things difficult to forget about, but I'm sure that you would have been able to move on. She took it to an entirely different level when she put her hands on you. She should have stayed away and gave you time to cool off & herself time to cool off instead of showing up to ignite the fire. I know it makes you feel bad, but please do not blame yourself for what has happened. Regardless of the quad theft, she was the one who made the choice to physically attack you. She is the one who did something wrong, not you. She will hopefully learn a lesson that actions such as that have consequences.
Give yourself & her some time to cool off. Eventually the situation will calm down. It will probably take awhile, but don't let it take too long...time is precious. My older brother (only sibling) died in a mva a few years ago. We disagreed on everything most of the time. I always think back to those 'little arguments' and I think about how much precious time we wasted on trivial things, when we could have been enjoying our relationship. I would do anything to have him back now. Just a thought. Hope things get better for you. Stay positive. Do your part to try to re-establish peace, but do not feel guilty about what happened because it was not your fault. Hopefully, in time she will come to her senses and will be the one to suffer with the guilt of what she did.
same situation here -
However, we DO have a charter school available but it's a 45 minute round trip, have to pay an arm and a leg tuition, and STILL have to support the public school with our property taxes to boot.
Our migrant student to teacher ratio in our district is current 1 teacher to 6 students. Regular class ratio is 1 teacher to 31 students. Nice huh.
Not exactly the same situation
but a hospital I worked at went belly up and we went to work that morning and by 2 p.m. we were out of jobs. Not only that, but this was on a payday and our checks were not there and were not going to be coming. Then on top of that I find out that while we all thought the owner had been keeping up on our insurance he had not been and for the previous 2 months we didn't really have insurance, so all the tests and stuff I had during that time I had to pay for. And there was no Cobra to keep it going because there was no company anymore. It was a nightmare, and I already was juggling bills and I just got into a state of despair where I would quit even answering the phone. It took quite a bit to dig myself out of that pit, and still my credit sucks probably worse than yours- I couldn't even get a secured credit card 6 months ago. Dont know about now.
I'm in the same situation
I'm postmenopausal for 4 years now and started having trouble with the sleep pattern during menopause. I thought it would go back to normal after the menopause completed, but according to my doctor, it can take 10 to 15 years for some women.
When I get too badly sleep deprived, I take generic Benadryl - Walgreen's antihistamine, Wal-Dryl - 50 mg and I'm sleepy within 30-40 mins. and usually sleep through the entire night, 6-7 hours. Normally, I will take a 500 mg generic acetaminophen with the 50 mg antihistamine because I have shoulder and neck pain from transcription posture. That is the same as Tylenol PM but much, much cheaper.
If you read the labels, the sleeping pills that they charge $15 or so for, have the same medicine as the $3.50 antihistamines.
Also, since I started walking again about 6 weeks ago, I'm sleeping better.
Obviously you have never been in this situation before
Even though the agency may guarantee anonymity, it usually isn't too difficult to figure out who "blew the whistle." I have seen people harassed and threatened in similar circumstances. If this were a child who couldn't speak up for himself/herself, I would be calling Social Services in a New York minute. But that is not the case here.
It's up to the people involved to decide what to do. You made a suggestion, I pointed out some of the hazards involved in following your suggestion. Two sides to every story. 'Nuff said.
I have a situation regarding my DH's job...
Long story short, my DH has a 2-hour commute (roughly, depending on Atlanta's traffic) to and from work each day. Now, this is only temporary, as when our DD graduates in May, we're moving out closer to his job.
Last night, he asked me what I thought about him taking an apartment on that side of town for 2-3 days a week, like Tues-Thurs, coming home on Friday-Monday. We have 3 kids, the youngest being 8, who is very, very close to his daddy (the other 2 are 20 and 17, so would probably relish the idea of Dad being gone overnight). Not to mention the fact that I work at home and don't have a lot of contact with the outside world (y'all can feel me, can't ya?).
I guess my question is, am I being selfish to say absolutely NO to this idea, or what? I felt like crying when he brought it up; just the thought of him being away for 2-3 nights a week makes me sad. We have a very close relationship, spend all of our time together when not working, and I just am not sure how to feel about this.
Of note: I am not the least bit worried about him *acting up* while he's away. We have a super-strong marriage and are completely devoted to each other and our family. What would y'all do?
We are definitely in about the same situation
My husband and yours must have been separated at birth! lol They sound just alike concerning their sons. I do think that my hubby feels sorry for his son because him and his mom split. I guess that's why he babies him so much. And his son is so jealous over me. I can't talk to my husband, touch him or anything without his son pouting or trying to get his Dad's attention. I want children of our own but I am afraid that because my stepson is so jealous that if his Dad shows attention to someone else that he would act out and hurt them. He's been hiding things of mine and I know he took 100.00 that was on my desk I had laying out. I searched the house over for it and never found it. He just probably tore it to pieces and threw it in the trash because he thought it was mine since it was on my desk. It's crazy. But thank you for your post. At least I know now I'm not the only one who has had any problems like this.
Wow, I'm in almost the same situation as you.
I have been in contact with my high school sweetheart for the last few years. I now live in a different state. We have both regretted marrying the people we did. We both have 2 children fairly young, but we are hoping we can be together sometime in the future.
Anyone ever been in this situation?
Yesterday, my son went on a field trip with the school to a local amusement park. It was a 1-hour drive. He begged me to take his Nintendo DS. I finally gave in and said only 1 game. I was chaperoning the field trip but was required to drive myself there and could take my son home with me, rather than riding the bus home. When my son realized it was time for the buses to board the kids going back to the school, he said a girl in his class had his DS game (not the unit, just the game). We looked for his class, but they must have already boarded the bus. I told him to make sure he asked her for it first thing the following morning.
When he got to school today, he asked the girl for it. She said she gave it to another one of his friends in their class. That boy said he put it in my son's desk. Then another girl in the class said she found a DS game this morning under her desk and that she gave it to the girl that borrowed it originally. Of course, that girl said that never happened. Now my son has no game. He just got it about a month ago and paid $35 for it out of his own money.
First of all, I have already told my son he will not be taking his DS on the bus anymore, period. I don't care if it's an 8-hour drive both ways. He's not taking it. Here's my dilemma: What do I do about this girl? Do I just let it go? I would really like to call her parents and let her know what she did in the hopes that they will take this opportunity to teach their child about responsibility and courtesy. She asked to borrow my son's game. My son was kind enough to lend it to here. She should have returned it to him directly, not give it to someone to give it someone, etc. I don't know this girl or her parents. I'm not sure how well they'd take my parenting suggestion. I'm not looking for them to replace the game (as much as I think they should, I will not ask that).
I told my son he needs to take responsibility for his carelessness in not getting the game back when they got off the bus. He knew he would not be getting back on the bus and likely would not see the girl the rest of the day. I should mention these are 4th graders, so they should have had some clue here.
Okay, so do I call the parents or just chalk it up to a lesson learned?
Same situation
...except I am a single parent. I have a 10 year old who was arguing with teachers and classmates and fighting almost daily. He also started to be disrespectful at home and when I would send him to his room for punishment, he would kick and throw things around in his room while mumbling under his breath as well as blatently yelling at me.
The second episode of kicking and throwing things, I told him to stop or I would call the police. I was downstairs and eventually heard something break. I was very angry at this point. I ran upstairs to his room (wanted him to hear me running) and I forcfully opened his door (was glad to see that he looked startled). Very angrily, I told him that if I heard one more noise from his room, I would call the police. I told him to clean up the mess from the item he broke. He told me he wasn't going to clean up anything. I called the police.
The police arrived. After I explained to him the long list of problems I had been having with him, the policeman gave him a speech for about 30 minutes...asking him questions along the way to keep him engaged. He said all of the usual things that any adult outsider would say to your kid. This worked for about 3 weeks...then back to the same.
After a terrible morning of him lying about something and being sent to his room for punishment, he started the same throwing, kicking, talking back routine. I politely pulled his suitcase into the hallway. I entered his room and began removing his clothing from his closet and placing them into the suitcase. I told him to go put his dirty clothes in front of the washer so I could wash them. I calmly told him that I was not going to put up with his crap anymore and that I was going to take him to the intake office for foster care. I told him that while he was in foster care I would be inviting his cousins over to enjoy his xbox, model cars, CDs, DVDs, etc. I told him that it was going to be nice having kids around who are respectful and appreciative of my love/affection and other things that I could offer them. He did not say a word. While those clothes were washing, I did not hear a peep out of him. When I put the clothes into the dryer, he said, "I don't want to go to foster care." I told him, sorry...I have no choice....told him I was sick of having a house that was always filled with turmoil. Told hi that since he seems to be unable to control himself and cannot disrespect the mother who works so hard to take care of him and tries so hard to love and support him....he has to go. He says...please don't send me to foster care. I told him I would give him one more chance. I told him that his suitcase would remain packed and that he was to get dressed each day out of that suitcase and that whenever clothes were washed he would place them back into the suitcase.
This happened in April. He is still getting dressed out of that suitcase. You would not believe the difference this has made. He still lies and when he is caught he is sent to his room, but now there is not kicking or throwing things...there is no talking back. He just lies quietly on his bed reading a book or fiddling with one of his little gadgets. After an hour or so (because he is taking his punishment like a normal person should) I tell him that he can now come out of his room if he is willing to apologize for lying and admit that he lied.
Long story short...the packed suitcase has done the trick. He knows that I am serious. He now understands that if he breaks the rules he will be punished. He understands that his behavior while he is being punished has a major impact on the length of his punishment. It is sad that he has to get dressed out of a suitcase, but this has been very effective for us.
My dad was in that situation....
Lung cancer, medication was 3000 a month; trials indicated it worked. He was on it for 6 months, out a lot of money and then guess what, AstraZeneca admitted they manipulated the outcome of the study, the stuff really didn't work at all. He died a few months later (this was 3 years ago). He would have probably lived the same length of time if he hadn't have spent the money. The docs and drug companies are out for themselves, IMHO.
I think about it a lot but different situation (sm)
My two children are almost the exact ages of yours. My husband doesn't have the drinking issue but has plenty of personality issues. I think you absolutely should leave, no ifs, ands or buts. I just think being in that environment is awful for your kids, he is saying it is not going to work anyway and talking about ending the marriage. I say if he doesn't change then yes, go, without a doubt.
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