I agree with your post - see message
Posted By: NHamp gal on 2009-06-16
In Reply to: I'm going to be blunt here. - But you asked for opinions.
I have 3 jobs and keep putting my resume in for jobs doing whatever it takes to get hired on somewhere that will give me benefits.
You are so right that in our industry you can't depend on just one. I have seen companies fail and if you are dependent on one you are going to go down with them - and they never tell the employee ahead of time. Also with the economy the way it is there is just nothing that is guaranteed anymore.
I have a husband but he doesn't work (can't finding anything, and think he's going through a midlife crisis), so that leaves just me. I'm the one who has to do it all and I do and I don't complain about it. When he sees me typing all the time he says he feels bad, but I told him I do what I gotta do because we have bills to pay and need to eat and have a roof over our head. I was brought up to believe you do what you have to do and you don't complain about it. If you are unhappy then you change the situation. We all make the lives we live. For us this certainly is not the perfect situation but I'm doing my best to change and improve it.
I too am in my 50s and I've been taking home study courses (along with working 3 jobs), also to transition to something different. One never knows what path the MT will be. I hear more and more about jobs going overseas, or the current administration doing whatever they are going to do to health care and that could change a lot. I just think it is wise to have another skill.
To the OP - if you are reading this all I would suggest is that if you can't stay with relatives try looking for a studio or something very cheap. It may not be your ideal place, but do whatever you can to find yourself another job. Search, search, search the local newspapers, employment boards here, there's a ton of websites for jobs. If you have to work every day and more than one job do it. Take whatever you can get and then work on getting something better. I wish you all the luck.
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see message with above post, please.
nm
See who I picked in my message on first post.
xx
Very excellent post - see message
Is there such a term as "very excellent" ? :-)
You are right on and I couldn't agree with you more.
The only problem is that the govt would never "regret" anything. If they get their way and force this child to take chemo and the child dies, their view point is "oh well, at least we got our money" I have found over time the govt does not really care about the people, as we can see what is happening in our govt today.
This should be a matter between the parents and child. Not the government.
I believe the mother should do everything she can to save her child, and if something happens to him at least she tried and she should have no regrets about that.
But yes, there is plenty of stuff in my life I regreted doing, but I have learned to live with my decisions. As you sais - it's our choices and this is how we grow and expand our minds.
I do hope she makes it to wherever she goes and he is able to get alternative treatment and everything works out for the best for them.
Very excellent post - see message
Is there such a term as "very excellent" ? :-)
You are right on and I couldn't agree with you more.
The only problem is that the govt would never "regret" anything. If they get their way and force this child to take chemo and the child dies, their view point is "oh well, at least we got our money" I have found over time the govt does not really care about the people, as we can see what is happening in our govt today.
This should be a matter between the parents and child. Not the government.
I believe the mother should do everything she can to save her child, and if something happens to him at least she tried and she should have no regrets about that.
But yes, there is plenty of stuff in my life I regreted doing, but I have learned to live with my decisions. As you said - it's our choices and this is how we grow and expand our minds.
I do hope she makes it to wherever she goes and he is able to get alternative treatment and everything works out for the best for them.
forgot to put see message in my post. And it is only Monday. nm
nm
What an awesome post! I agree, agree, agree completely with you.
 You are right on the money in my book! 
Before the post gets buried below regarding credit - very long message sm
I just wanted to share with the posters who were considering bankruptcy.
Unless you are on the verge of losing your home, I would strongly encourage you to consider another option. Bankruptcy does not just go away after a few years. It's there forever. Even if you rebuild your credit afterwards, it's still there - a haunting demon. A friend and my in-laws also filed bankruptcy in the past.
My in-laws filed over 20 years ago and have recovered financially but it's still there.
My husband is a credit card spender. I would only spend when I had the cash and did not depend on credit. It didn't matter though. Our spending habits combined nearly led to our financial demise a few years back too.
This is what I did and I hope you give it a try and it works for you too.
I started with a complete inventory of all of our bills, separating them into three categories.
Home (mortgage and utilities)
Credit cards - (lowest balance to highest balance regardless of the APR)
Miscellaneous bills (entertainment, clothing, food, gas, fast food, etc.)
Since the Home category is pretty consistent every month, I set up a budget for that first. I went back through our utility bill for the year prior and chose the highest month bill of the year and added that amount to our mortgage amount.
Next, I reviewed our telephone, internet, and television (satellite) bills. On average, I was paying about 230.00 per month for them all combined. Way too much in my opinion. I started shopping around and found a bundle package with Verizon. Now I pay 153.00 per month for unlimited long distance telephone, satellite TV, and DSL service. Saved $77.00 per month, just doing that.
Then I added this amount to the mortgage and utilities. This totalled amount is what I know I absolutely have to pay every month and I better make sure it's in the account.
Next, I did the Miscellaneous. I'm a paper keeper, meaning I keep EVERY receipt and then purge them about every 3-4 months. I started going over what was spent where and learned that we spent a lot more than we really needed to. I set up a weekly grocery budget and a fun budget. If there was anything extra at the end of the week, it was divided evenly between the two and added to the next week. I do this every week until the end of the month. If there is anything left over, that amount is divided in half again and half is divided again and added to the following week's budget (grocery and fun), the other half is locked away in the savings account.
The money for monthly gas was a little trickier when the gas prices skyrocketed. I first had a set limit for gas each week but did have to adjust that. I did manage to adjust it a little bit upwards and still be able to pay the cards down (see below.)
Also, every time I spend cash, no matter if the amount is $5.01 and all I need is a penny, I don't. Instead, I will give them $6.00 and get 0.99 change to put in my giant size espresso cup of change. When the cup gets full, the change is rolled and turned in to the bank as a deposit into the savings account. My cup last gave me $281.00 change to put in the savings account. That was in March. It's full again so will be adding at least that much to the savings account again very soon. Nobody touches the cup! They might lose a finger or even a hand!
That being said, and having two set amounts for each budget, I then subtracted that amount, plus the Household amount from our combined monthly income.
Lastly came the dreaded credit cards. To be honest, I was floored when I learned just how much credit card debt we had. My husband had wracked up over $40,000.00 in credit card debt alone. Since he paid his own credit card bills each month, I had no idea. Even worse than that, he is very inconsistent about paying his bills on time so he had late charges and the interest rates were way the heck up there. It was terrible.
I took each of his cards most current statements and started from the lowest to highest balance. The lowest one was about 1200.00 but the interest rate on it by that time was 22%. This is where I started.
I had him call the company and basically gave him a script to go by (my name wasn't on the cards or I would have done it myself). He requested a decrease in his APR on each and every card. Two of the five card companies agreed on the first call. The 22% card was reduced to 11% so they cut it in half. Not as low as I would like but it was a start. Another card was up to 31% and they reduced that to 20%. The other three didn't budge the first time.
This is where I made two 'necessary' purchases. The first one was MS Money software. I highly recommend it. You can set up your checking, savings accounts, print your checks, balance your checkbook in about 5 minutes, pretty much a no brainer software that really keeps you in line with your bills and spending as long as you remember to faithfully enter any debit card purchase in your check register provided with the software. It will also link to many banks to update your balances online. You can also set it up to remind you for upcoming bills. (Maybe if the husband had used this earlier, we would not have been in this situation?)
The second purchase was about $8.00. An accordion file folder for the monthly statements. Husband always threw his away and I can't even begin to tell you what a dumb idea that is. KEEP them. Organize the tabs for each bill and put your statement in when you pay each bill. I also write the date and the amount when I make a payment somewhere on the statement, then keep them in chronological order.
The actual payments came next. The smallest balance card was paid off first. All of other cards only got the minimum payment PLUS $1 more. I started doing this just for my own peace of mind I guess but I learned later that this actually helped us a bit when negotiating the lower APRs on the three more stubborn cards. It may have only been $1 extra but it was EXTRA payment and, believe it or not, they do look at that.
Excluding the card to be paid off first, I added up the minimum payments of the remaining four cards (plus the extra dollar to each of those) and decided on an amount to pay the lowest balance card to get that balance moving toward 0 as fast as I could.
In this case, I decided on 200.00. This left me with a little over 200.00 extra (I call it mad money but it really goes into savings anyway -planning ahead for birthdays, auto insurance, Christmas, and emergencies.)
I had that card paid off relatively quickly in a few months. When it was paid off, the card was cancelled and that 200.00 was added to the minimum payment (plus $1) on the next lowest balance card. After the first month of this, once again, had the husband call his credit card company and ask for a reduction in his APR. This time it was granted. Should also mention that this card was one of the three that refused the request the first time.
The first six months or so of this was a mildly painful transition. He was used to whipping out a credit card, I was used to having cash on hand for whatever I wanted. It wasn't going to happen anymore.
Finally, I was down to the last remaining card (754.00 per month payment by this time, having applied the payments for each card to the next as they were paid off.)
When I got to this point, I started shopping around for cards with rewards programs and started comparing those cards. The last card I was paying on also had a rewards program but not quite what I wanted. I wanted to know if the terms were negotiable. It was! How about that!
So, instead of losing a valuable customer the card company decided to keep me.
Now I get 3% back on purchases of most things as long as I pay the balance in full every month (which I do). Any kind of air or rail travel purchased with the card is a 6% reward.
I no longer use a debit card. The husband is not allowed to get a credit card again but instead, takes a certain amount of cash every week. Say what you want but he got us into this mess pretty much so he has to live with it now.
It's been a few years now working with this system but it has been very good for us. I find that I average about 400.00 per month AFTER the rewards bonuses kick in so essentially I am able to bank another $354.00 per month in savings. It adds up quicker than you might think.
Should also mention that we have two teens still at home and they can really be expensive. They were made a part of the plan and do their part to help out too. Their contribution is mostly the avoidance of fast food all the time. They can come home and have a meal or eat before they leave. Things like that.
Sorry for the lengthy post but hopefully I can help anyone else get out of a potentially bad financial situation like we faced.
I agree with post below --sm
but also, if I were in your shoes, and I have been in the past, I would definitely be looking for another place to live. I know that sometimes that is not possible, but you have to think of your own safety and your children's safety over a house to live in. Sometimes you just have to move as far away from the *problem* as possible. If he can't see you, he can't hurt you. Don't rely on police. Protect yourself first. good luck to you!
I agree with your post...
I would not recommend a tubal to anyone...talk to your SO about a vas, SO much easier on the guy (isn't everything???)...GOOD LUCK THOUGH!
Agree with the above post
I would try to keep my trap shut, the more you say the more she wants to be with him. I learned that lesson years ago - my child grown has caught on and said - you don’t really like them, do you? I said why do you say that- I never said a word and they told me - that is just it- you didn’t say anything- if you had liked you would have said so.
I agree w/you and your post
mayo is made with eggs in it....and while the other post might *think* it's a myth - (m deceased mother got NUTS about mayo being uncovered in the jar even while we were using it - and we didn't put the lid on it immediately) - it's far from a myth. I was married to a French chef DE cuisine and I too was a chef for 5 years back in the 70s....and one is taught this.
Once can merely call Johnson & Wales Culinary School and/or any institute of culinary art anywhere in the USA (or in France) and ask this very question......IF one does not believe......
I have to agree with this post.
Not to flame you in anyway, but my son uses his money (I talked about this in an earlier post) uses his money for time with friends. My parents as well and my hubby and I paid for his used car. We pay his insurance and from time to time give him gas money because he does run errands for us, including taking his sister to after school activities. He is extremely active in after school activities, is involved in his youth group, and is a straight A student. Defintely during the school year there is no time for a part time job. Also someone mentioned a paper route. My brother and his SO other used to deliver papers as well as full-time jobs. Their day started at 4:15 every morning 7 days a week and they had at least 2 hours of delivering papers. I realize it is different everywhere, but if you took a day off you had to pay someone else 50.00 to take your route. If there was a complaint from anyone no matter what the complaint was, you were docked 1.50. The weekly paper doesn't even cost that much. I would never recommend a paper route, but if you are ever looking to hire someone and they have had a consistent paper route for over a year, that is the person you want to hire.
Agree with most of your post, but...
What's behind all of this mess, and what people don't want to consider is this: CAPITALISM by its very definition breeds corruption. Not only that is makes our economy DEPENDENT on people consuming/buying more than they can pay for.
PEOPLE! When wages are stagnant and everything goes UP, the economy implodes!
Anyway we are in a real mess and EVERYONE is to blame if we want to play that game, including the government - they RAPED the treasury to pay for yet another fake war.
the solution lies in what WE THE PEOPLE DEMAND: trust the crooks who did this to fix the problem? Then we deserve what happens next.
PEACEFUL PROTEST IS PATRIOTIC.
Completely Agree with Your Post - NM
NM
I have 3 children, but I agree with your post 100%
nm
Applauds TM's post!!!! I so agree!...nm
I agree with latest post
It would be ideal if you could handle it with your SIL, but not always possible. I would begin talking to your child instead and explain that just because someone says they will do something doesn't always mean they will and there could be lots of reasons. He may as well learn it now, or he will defitely learn it later and then it may be about something much more significant and even more hurtful. I hope things get better with her. Oh! Maybe (if she has a child) you could "forget" the present and say you will bring it by later and then really DO it. That may make a point w/o having to be confrontational and jeopardizing your relationship. Just a thought. Good luck!
nice post. I agree....
I dreaded my first from warnings of others, and went to my local hospital and I was like..."That's it?" LOL!!! i was even told to take a pain killer pre- since it would be so bad. Heavens. Wish i would have known how NOT bad it was! Then, I had implants and was told the same,and that was just as easy. Dont put it off. My friend has double mastectomy for BC on Tuesday AM...she is 37!!!!
re: above post, I agree with Jan not "Lady"
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great post and I agree with you...nm
I so often agree with you! Thank you for your post! That was awesome! nm
x
the underlying read-between-the-lines message of the insurance lobbyist's message was (sm)
to, yes, appeal the denied claim. However, she lobbies for the insurance companies. She comes across sounding like she's on the patient's side but in reality she is on the side of the insurance company. The insurance company gets to deny whatever claims they want right off the bat. That leaves the SICK patient (who needs the coverage NOW when they are sick) to have to go through the appeals process. That could take quite a while. Imagine a cancer patient being denied some form of treatment that is going to help them. They now have to go through the appeals process (or pay out of pocket) in order for that treatment to be covered. In the MEANTIME their cancer is progressing. From the point of view of the insurance company, if they drag it out long enough they don't have to pay for it at all. That same insurance lobbyist was on 20/20 a little while back and basically came right out and said that the insurance companies COULDN'T AFFORD to pay for coverage for sick people. She's not on the patient's side.
DITTO - Great post!! I agree.......nm
Amensister - GREAT post and I agree!!!!!
Government get out of our uteri !!!!!! (one of my rooms in my home is a tribute to the Native American by the way!!! *S*)
I agree totally this this post, though I have never been married,
and you should not have to disrupt their lives anymore than necessary by finding a new place to live, etc. Though from the sound of it, you dont like where you live and he does, but I would stay put like this poster suggests.
Completely agree with your post. Don't bring sm
ANYTHING to school or on bus. It will get stolen and how could you even prove the game belonged to your son?
Agree with chalk it up to experience.
As far as calling parents: You will be the one cursed out. They will never believe their little darling could pilfer anything.
I agree with the post above, some lino is wonderful sm
and be clear, there real live linoleum and then there is vinyl flooring. REAL lino looks EXACTLY like anything they want to make it look like. Vinyl flooring won't look like anything other than what it is. I have kids and pets, so I have VINYL throughout the house with washable area rugs. I'd love hard wood or real lino, but sadly both are equally pricey and God knows, we don't make money in this business anymore.
what you say in your post makes sense,. I agree...
Don't doctors always emphasize HOW IMPORTANT the patient's attirude toward a treatment is?
The patient HAS TO BELIEVE in the success of the treatment, otherwise it will not work.
If the patient rejects a kind of treatment, IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK FOR HIM.
THE PATEIENT MUST HAVE A positive attitude and embrace the treatment.
I totally agree. Not to minimize your post, but there are far worse
To keep at it would be overkill.
Agree with the catnip on scratching post - works for me. nm
Message to Mom of 3 below.
Wow! First of all have to give you compliments on stating your opinion as I figure you knew you would get nailed. I am also one that is a firm believer of kids have the ability to learn, sometimes through tough love and sometimes through every day simple life. Although I would disagree with you about the "coat incident" I still can relate to you on trying to teach kids to take care of your things, etc. I love my kids dearly, but I know at any moment I could be taken from this earth and I want them to be as prepared as they can be at 8 and 9. I don't expect perfection, but when they do "screw up" I make sure they definitely know it (and remember it). I think most people now do not appreciate children the way we do. They are very intelligent if you give them the opporunity to be. They deserve respect just as adults do (when they earn it.... just like adults). We have to teach them to be adults and it has to start somewhere. Again, I don't completely agree with you, but overall I understand what you are saying. Please ignore any misspelling in my post... I am using my husband's keyboard, which is "stiff as a board!)
Sorry, should be sm for above message
nm
See message...
I believe homosexuality is a sin, but I also believe that sexual preferences should be personal and private. I would not refuse to shop at a store because a clerk was gay, but frankly, that is something that I shouldn't even know about a stranger. A person's sexual behavior should be totally private.
See Message!
I paid my balance off in full, received a finance charge statement of about $42. I called the credit card, and said I do not understand - I paid the balance in full, what is this charge for. Act like you need them to help you understand. They adjusted my account and took that finance charge off and said I will receive a statement of the adjustment and my balance is now 0.
It really all depends on how you handle it and in what way you speak to them. Try it that way and see if they will adjust it off.
Good luck!
See message
I just had my ovary removed due to a cyst and surgery went well, I did well postop and was relieved that it was over. However, just found out that the pathology report showed carcinoma and now I have to have a total hysterectomy and staging workup. Anyone been through this that can offer some comfort in what to expect? Thanks.
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Thank you for your suggestions. At least you give me suggestions other than telling me to seek therapy or bariatric surgery, which I would never consider anyway. I get defensive when I feel attacked for my opinions, thus the *anger* in my previous posts. I DID read your post thoroughly and I did note that you used to have a weight problem, as well. Anon upset me, and I guess I took it out on you. I apologize.
I will put in to use some of your suggestions, but just so you know, my one meal a day does not include snacking, either. I am busy working most of the day, have a lot to do, and the time just slips away before I realize I am hungry, which is generally around 3 in the afternoon. I may have a cup of coffee or tea in the morning, and sometimes water, but that is all. Some will find fault with that, as well, I am sure, but that's the truth. Again, thanks for your input. At least you are more pleasant about it all.
see message
Your symptoms sound similar to carpal tunnel, but it may be something else, too. If I may suggest seeing a neurologist? It sounds more like a nerve problem to me and it does not necessarily have to be in your hands or wrists. EMG nerve conduction studies on your hands may be negative, but I have done dictations from doctors who have patients with carpal tunnel with false EMGs and the docs call them false positives, meaning the patient actually has carpal tunnel, but the studies were not definitive for that. As the other poster suggested, it may also be neck related. Just get a second opinion from a different doctor, and be insistent on what YOU want checked. Some doctors are resistant to patient requests, so you have to stand up for yourself. good luck.
see message.....
When my 17 year old calico passed away a few months ago, I was with her, as well as my 20 y/o son, and it was very hard for us both to watch. My son couldn't stop crying...she was part of his entire life. We still have the 16 year old male with us, Oscar, who misses her very much. They always stayed in close proximity to one another...even though they still gave each other glaring looks at mealtime. He just hangs onto us all the time and it's hard to work because he insist on laying on my desk, in my lap, knocking everything off. He has never done this before. She always laid at my feet and talked to me and he laid up high. It's sad because he can't understand what's happened. She was his long-time partner.
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I would be careful...I am facing court for just this right now, due to old debt that I started accruing, due to being quite desperate and broke, after my bankruptcy was filed. I can file again but probably won't and don't want to, but still have to deal with the courts, this week actually. can't wait. bankruptcy is not the end of the world. you can get a credit card again and you can work on your credit. It stays on your credit report for ten years. how long will it take you to pay off that debt???
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He obviously wanted to be with her and you cannot fault him for that, I guess. It is never easy when someone in the family takes their own lives and those left behind never truly understand why or how that person was feeling inside. It is very hard, and I feel your pain. Cry, let it out, and then take God's hand. He will get you through it somehow. There will be a brighter day. They are together now. Maybe that will help some. God bless you and your family. {{{hugs}}}
see message--sm
you only have to look into your heart to know what is right and what is wrong. I am not going to argue religion with you. I have my beliefs and you have yours, or disbeliefs in your case, and I am not going to argue with you about who is right and who is wrong. Time will tell that, in the end. and no one said anything about someone coming into your room on your deathbed and preaching to you, personally. It sounds like you are so opposed to it because you may actually be wrong about it more so than you just do not believe. Good luck to you.
My message above should have had SM as there is more
/
See message -- going it alone
Think of a younger family member. Well everyone thought I was nuts to take my almost 18 year old nephew with me to San Francisco as I could not do the "night life" but we had a wonderful time. never walked so much in my life. We have always gotten along but he is so easy to travel with and appreciative of it. Went to a Giants game, did the Fisherman's Wharf almost everyday. Got lost. Took wrong buses and it was so nice being with someone that never got upset, enjoyed the little things and went with the flow. We talk about it all the time. I gave him so much money every day which was out budget for meals and "fun things" and he saw how the money went and if we did not spend much for breakfast it left that much more for dinner or something "extra". He had to figure out what the tips were, etc. It was great -- I did not have to handle money at all, left it all up to him. He read the maps and got us around with buses, etc. It was also nice that I did not have to worry about someone drinking too much and ruining the next day which is what my ex did more times than not. Saw everything down there. There is why I am thinking of taking him (now 19) and his 17 year old brother to Boston with me. So think of taking a younger family member that will enjoy it with you if you do want to share some special time with them. There are a lot of great teenagers out there that do like to spend time with adults.
See message.
http://www.sydneyscloset.com/
YES!!! See message
Hey, this happened to us just about a month ago. My hubby needed his ASAP!! I called the Records place in Kansas (where he was born) and they were willing to overnight it to me. Now, the total cost including the certificate was 36 dollars and we didn't get it until after 5 p.m. (could have paid more to get it before noon) on the 2nd day (ordered it on Tues, got here on Thurs), but I ordered it after 4 p.m. too, so you could probably get it faster. good luck!!!
see message
I don't mean this to sound rude or harsh, but I would tell them to start saving up now for moving expenses in October. If they have the next four months to save, they could probably find another place to live and pay for security deposits and moving transportation, etc. This is not a good financial situation, it sounds like, and I really do not foresee acquiring a loan in time to purchase this home, not to mention them not being able to meet the payments if they do secure a loan. I would tell them to prepare for the inevitable now, so they are burdened with financial problems when the time arises, and it most likely will. To keep them from moving in with you, this would be the best route for all involved. It is not your responsibility to solve their problems. Good luck to you.
See message..
My friend just went through the same thing but because she didn't want to be alone, they stayed together until recently. He was having an affair and the other lady divorced her husband which is when he decided he was not going to stay married to her. I guess I'm saying this because I have seen what my friend has gone through with the other lady and if your husband feels that way, he might also find someone with the same interests. It is better to separate/divorce before an affair than during/after, as in the case with my friend. Good luck!
No Message
If you look at the end of the subject, before you click on it and it says NM at the end, that means there's no message inside. I hope that helps and didn't confuse you more.
See message.....
Have you tried PetShed.com or other out of the country suppliers? I get mine for half the price. I also have several inside cats and this is much cheaper, even with shipping. Same pharmaceutical company making it, same med as in the US, just cheaper, because big pharma aren't buying the other countries.
sorry, there IS a message in there! sm
m
see message
I too have an old cat, nearly 17. She has moved into my closet and spends time between my closet and my husband's closet. Odd behavior. She mews very loudly all the time and I don't think she sees well. I believe if the cat wanted to go out, I would let him. He might want to die and you "find" him afterwards rather than watch him die. Sorry about your cat. My Sam is not far behind I am afraid.
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