I agree with this poster's mother - it is difficult
Posted By: been there on 2007-02-27
In Reply to: It shouldn't matter, but in this imperfect world - Misha
Things have changed a lot and obviously it is easier now than it was when I did it (dated someone from a different race)- but there are sometimes huge cultural differences, not only in different races but in same race from very different parts of the country. A lot of traditions that you find important - someone very culturally different (same for religion for that matter) may not. You have to be thick skinned and very committed. A good partner is hard to find.
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Poster said that mother always said she had no backbone
sounds like it runs in the family and brother may be similar. Clearly the wife is taking advantage of that. She needs a good swift kick in the as* is what I think. I mean, talking badly about her husband's sister to their children and making fun? That's not normal. Obviously she's got some problems only a good therapist can help.
How does everyone deal with difficult, and I mean extremely difficult, people. sm
I'm not even talking about family members. Just people in general. Especially the ones who are so kind to your face but you know clearly don't like you one bit. I have a few of those in my life. UGH! And I'm so kind that it eats me up inside, but I won't dare say anything to their faces. I just come on public forums like this anonymously and vent my anger and frustration!!
I met with someone today who told me to "love them," and feed into them and show them that you are not this vile person they make you out to be. How do you do that? I'm learning that people, especially women, are just impossible to deal with. And I'm a woman!!!
Have to agree with this poster
I'm no Bible thumping holy roller but I do know that if you TRULY understand what it means to be a Christian, you don't go in for the evil aspect of Halloween. I don't think what the pastor said and did is appropriate though. He sounds a little over the top to me.
I have to agree with the poster above
Your sister and BIL did not borrow the quad, simply agreed to bring it to their home because your husband was too tired to unload it. Sounds like the BIL was trying to be nice. Hubby was too tired to unload it, but expected BIL to do it himself at his house???
I agree 100% with the poster below - also...
You do not want to be his second choice. Either he is free from this other woman and available to date you in a proper manner or he is not. Him saying *things are not working out* is SO typical for someone who wants to play the field and still have the security of someone else. He has been with her 7 years, is not happy, and has not moved on??? You deserve so much better and do not need someone like him. Let sleeping dogs lie!!! 
I agree with first poster
At least this is a decision she is making herself. You can't change the circumstances, but you can help her find the best facility possible in her circumstances.
I lived 500 miles away from my mother, and when she got sick with non-Hodgkin's, it was very hard because I couldn't be down there to help her as much as I wanted. My son was 12 at the time and I had to be here with him, although I could and did go down and stay with her a couple of weeks at a time (my son too when he was out of school). And I was with her for the last three weeks of her life.
I know this is very hard for you. Just be with her as often as you can, talk to her on the phone as often as you can, and help her find a good facility that will take care of her needs. She sounds like a very independent, sensible lady. She understands that you love her and want the best for her. Cherish the time that you have with her. 
I agree with the other poster, (sm)
probably something "dressier" than "regular" business but not black tie, somewhere in between. Other poster is probably correct about them saying that to hopefully avoid too much sparkle and low cut or short skirts with the women. LOL.
then I would agree with another poster..
you should probably find someone to talk to about it..with your husband.
Have to agree with the above poster
While my mom is only in her 60's right now, my dad has already passed and I have NO doubt that when the time comes to take care of my mom, I will get little to no help from my 4 siblings. I think often the burden falls to one child and it would be in your best interest to get power of attorney and just do what you need to do.
It's not worth fighting with your sister when she clearly doesn't want to contribute much. It will just cause you more stress and as a result, more stress on your dad.
When all is said and done, you will sleep well at night knowing you did all you could for your dad. Your sister will be the one who has to live with herself knowing that she didn't care enough to be there for him.
I agree with above poster....
This is being blown way out of proportion. This is normal dog behavior. Maybe you should keep your child in your own yard. It would be different if this dog went into your yard and then attacked her!
I agree with this poster. nm
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I agree with the poster below
Just because he is your future son-in-law doesn't mean he owes you anything. It sounds to me like you want to cause problems between him and your daughter because of this when you say you think she should have talked to him. This is between you and him. You asked for help, he told you what he could offer, take it or leave it.
It sounds to me like he made the comment about not having things placed or set up because he expects that you would want that. I certainly don't know your relationship with him or your daughter and do believe there are always 2 sides to every story and feel like we didn't get the second side to this story.
I don't say any of this to make you feel bad in any way. Your situation reminds me of my own mother. Except that she will do whatever she can to get things resolved before asking either of her son-in-law's to help and they are more than willing to do anything for her...she just knows that they work full-time, have a family, and life is hectic. When she does ask something she asks them directly (not through the daughter) and asks for bare minimum - she usually gets much more than that on the son-in-law's own accord not because he is obligated.
I agree with the other poster.
Unless its a kid that you know has been in trouble before, I wouldn't assume anything. My son is not a teenager yet but he says things that he just says because he thinks someone else will think its funny or cool...not because he is doing it or agrees. I also have 3 older nephews, in and just beyond teenage years, and they do the same thing. Two are great kids, they say things but clearly do not participate. Being the aunt they tell a lot more with honesty than they do to the parents. The other...well is just irresponsible. I think he says a lot to keep up with people too but wouldn't put anything past him if peer pressure is involved. Just his personality and demeanor says a lot.
If you sit down with a teenager and talk to them as if they are "adult" you would be surprised some times at the things they will tell you in honesty.
Agree with this poster, you cannot let
this slide. Also, if he is posting pictures on the Internet, in certain parts of the country schools monitor this and they can and have taken action against the student. You need to be firm on this and definitely discuss it with his father. So what if your son is devastated by his father's reaction, in the long run it is the best for him.
Agree with poster below that
you need to get out of that situation, especially after reading what you son said. He is being damaged, and I have seen firsthand what that damage can do to you as an adult. Dysfunctional doesn't begin to describe it. Take action ASAP. I wish you the best of luck, I know it isn't easy.
I agree with another poster. . .
You are trying to solve a problem by yourself. But the problem involves two people. Your husband has to participate in the solution.
My husband and I have similarly hectic schedules. We're lucky if we eat 1 or 2 meals together in any given weak. He's a horrible cook, but he can heat things up, pour cereal in a bowl, and make sandwiches. I love to cook. I prepare meals ahead and freeze.
Your husband may want to continue his breakfast social time. That's fun, and everyone needs a little socializing outside of the house. But for other meals, both of you will have to communicate and coordinate. He needs to call home, and if you are going to be the main cook, you'll need to start planning and preparing for quick meals.
It takes a bit of practice and a lot of communication. But you BOTH need to agree to a plan.
I agree with the above poster
I would get some Omeprazole and start taking that also. I find Miralax works great. Lots of water also!
Definitely agree with above poster, too sm
NO PURSE.
Money and license in FRONT pants pocket. You very well may find yourself in such a crowd/push of people that a stranger could be right up against your back, so put nothing in your back pocket.
Staying with a group is very good advice.
Oh, and don't pet the police horses, they're working!
I agree with this poster, however - sm
the G-spot is quite elusive I think....though it does exist. I have only had that experience 3 x in 23 years, quite amazing actually and totally different from a regular manually stimulated orgasm. I remember on my 18th birthday friends gave me the books the Hite report, which is a sex survey basically from the male and female perspective. It was quite enlightening to me as I had only been sexually active for about 3 months at that point and new nothing about the clitoris or masturbation, etc. and had never had an orgasm at that point as the 2 guys I had been with were not very knowlegdgeable or didn't care that I didn't have an orgasm (or assumed I did). I did not even know what one was then. But definitely get educated about your body and what turns you on in the genitalia basically. Sorry to be so graphic but that is how your body works.
Agree with above poster.
In addition to hydration, your puppy is probably being given antibiotics and anti-emetics. They are probably also monitoring blood tests and body temperature. If you vet feels your dog needs to stay, I would listen. Ask them to explain their reasoning if it is not clear to you. I treated many parvo dogs and the ones that left early always came back in worse shape and ended up having longer hospital stays in the end (unfortunaly some of them didn't make it at all). Parvo is a very serious disease for a pup, and I would think twice before bringing the puppy back home.
Sounds like your puppy is doing well though if she is eating and holding it down. That is a very good sign. Hope she continues to do well.
and I agree with both poster's responses....s/m
Sorry this is happening to you and esp this time of year with all the multi-religious holiday festivities going on in this country all this month....truly hope it ALL gets resolved soon for you!
Please...how ridiculous...I agree with the other poster!
I am so sick of this crap, everyone screaming RACIST if you even mention a race other than WHITE in ANY context. Perhaps it's you that is racist if you feel that way :)
Totally agree with this poster - sm
If he is maintaining his grades, not getting into trouble, give the kid a little slack. Let him grow up.
However, on the same note, I would also make it clear that when he does decide to take these trips to see the girlfriend, he is responsible for anything that could go wrong with the car. All a part of growing up too.
Hang in there mom. Take a deep breath and give him a little space.
I agree with this poster. For your own sake.
NM
Agree with poster above. DO NOT take $ out of 401K...sm
>> My H wants to take 15k out of his 401k and be done with it. He says we are still young and we can still make it up. >>
I was watching Suze Orman's show recently, and she had someone who wanted to do this. The woman was in her early 30s and wanted to take money out of her 401K to pay off $22,000 in cc debt, just to be rid of it.
Suze said NO, and here's why - taking money out of a 401K now, instead of at retirement, means you'll have to pay penalties (state and federal) plus taxes which will equal about 35%. So in order to end up with $22,000 (to pay off her cc debt), she would actually need to take out about $35,000 from the 401K! So it would cost her $13,000 to pay off that $22,000. Not worth it.
And if that isn't bad enough, look at what you lose by not having that $35,000 in your 401K for the next 30-40 years, earning money for you like it should be. At at average rate of return, that $35,000 would turn into around $353,000! So that's what it's *really* costing you. Tell your husband that and see if he still wants to do it. ;o)
Suze said we need to stop looking at our 401Ks like their our piggy banks/savings accounts. They're for us to live on in *retirement.*
I agree with the poster. Didn't care for it (sm)
My 6yo was bored with it too, and it just seemed too preachy. I get and appreciate the message they were sending, but the way they did it in parts seemed to be over kids' heads. It seemed more like a grown-up movie to me, and my daughter has not asked to watch it again.
I agree. From the poster below with opinion different than Wannie.
uio
I agree with this poster and so does Dave Ramsey. sm
Get your hands on anything of his and follow the recommendations. He has helped me greatly. As Reality Check says, and I agree, our economy is in dire straits and not having any financial worries will be worth the effort to get there.
Good luck to you and your wife.
I agree with poster below - maybe check thyroid. sm
A little over a year ago I had what I thought was a *severe* sore throat. Over the course of about a week, I also had a low-grade temp., body aches, headache, chills (but only off and off) then came night sweats, heart palpitations and tachycardia (142 bpm).
I thought I was coming down with the flu, or maybe had strep throat. The weird thing is that the symptoms would come and go, and were always much worse at night. I'd feel horrible at night, then wake up feeling pretty much back to normal.
I finally got tired of it and went to urgent care, and when they saw how high my heart rate was, they did an EKG and told me to go immediately to the ER. At the ER, they gave me fluids, but my heart rate didn't come down. (They asked me if I was anxious. Nope. Calm as could be, and felt pretty good right then, actually.) They drew blood, gave me fluids, etc. and found I was hyperthyroid. I was in the hospital from Sun. afternoon until Tue. afternoon (mostly so they could monitor my heart to make sure it was okay, do more tests, and give me some pain relief for the throat pain).
What I had is called subacute granulomatous thyroiditis. (Maybe Google it and see if the symptoms sound like how you're feeling?) They *think* it's caused by a virus (it's not an immune system thyroid disorder). So basically it runs its course, they treat the symptoms, you're fine. (Though a small % of people may be left hypothyroid and need to go on thyroid replacement.)
I had follow up with an endocrinologist, and he said he was really surprised the docs in the ER diagnosed me so quickly. I guess most don't. If they hadn't thought to check my thyroid levels, I don't know what would have happened!
Now the runny nose symptom you have doesn't fit with this, so maybe it's not your thyroid, but it's easy enough for them to check your thyroid levels and see. They sent me home with Vicodin for the pain, and I needed it! Whatever it is, I hope you get relief for your throat pain soon. I'm sitting here remembering how much it hurt, so you have my sympathies. :o)
I read all the comments and I agree with the poster who wrote
'One has to teach people how to treat you' and one has to tell people what is imoportant to oneself.
It is inexcusable not to call or meet one's mother for mother's day and Christmas, etc.....
I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
I agree with this. Also the mother cannot control what
as long as the child is in no danger, the mother does not get to call the shots when she is with her father. I have seen my brothers go through stuff with their ex-wives that makes me so made. If fact, the more the mother makes an issue of it, the more the father may want to do it, especially if they had a bitter divorce. Also from a father's prospective, if he only has a limited amount of time with the child, it may not be about competing as much as making her time with him memorable.
Also it sounds as if he has alway been this way, as stated she was always the "heavy" and what makes the mother think he is going to change now?
Hopefully they can put aside their differences and do what is best for the child, that is all we can hope in these situations.
I agree. She is less a mother, than a manager and
xxx
I so agree...mother of 3 healthy kids
I have a similar relative who would NEVER let anyone around her girls when they were babies, whether we were sick or not. No one was allowed to even hold them. Those babies grew up to be 2 of the sickest kids I ever saw.
I agree. My mother is a drug addict and lost custody of me
and I went to live with my grandmother so both of them have less than stellar parenting skills. You can't choose your family but you can choose who you let into your life.
I am "juvenile post" poster. "Looney" poster is some
x
That's quite difficult (sm)
The title of your post said "preaching." How do we know what your post is about so that we may avoid the religious posts as you suggested? In the title of your post, are you simply using a one-word paraphrase of the post you are responding to or are you, in fact, preaching? The only way to know is to open your post. Once opened, it's another preachy post.
To each their own!
difficult because
My 15 year old son. Everything he wants is over $200.00. But I don't buy him anything of that techno stuff, so I have to get pretty far out there and hope he loves me enough to considering it a good Christmas present anyway.
Thanks. It's been difficult but
I am now pregnant again and although I will always struggle with the loss, I have happier times to look forward to now and try not to dwell on the past.
I don't think she really meant it that way but its exactly what she did. I was more taken aback by the feeling that she still thinks it was the right thing to do, no regrets, etc. I understand life being in a difficult place and safety was an issue for her and the baby. But to justify the decision because of where her life was at the time, I don't agree. She made those decisions (good and bad) all on her own. To some extent this was a major factor for her to decide to change her life in many ways and follow a different (much better) path.
Need help with difficult child
I have 3 children, ages 11, 8 and 5. My 8-year-old has always been a difficult child, starting in early infancy. He was always fussy and became quite stubborn during his toddler years. He is now 8 years old and I really have my hands full. He can get quite mouthy with his father and me (married and live together) and has even got physical with me. He has always been physical towards his brothers and is always fighting with them. He has given his teachers a hard time as well as my parents, who spend a lot of time with him.
One time when I was driving up the highway 55 mph, he became very upset (can't remember over what now) and actually slid the van door open to jump out. I realize the child lock should have been on but wasn't due to adult passengers that weekend (is always on now). He becomes so angry so quickly, and I'm really very scared for him.
I have tried several tactics for discipline/help in this situation and nothing seems to work. Some things are short-lived results, others no result at all. We have tried rewards charts, timeouts, loss of privileges, spanking (very short-lived and didn't work anyway) as well as professional counseling with a child psychologist.
The child psychologist spent about 3 months of weekly to every-other-week sessions with my son and wasn't able to give me any insight as to why he is so angry. He indicated to me that my child definitely showed signs of anger through his drawings and behaviors, but he wasn't able to get any clear reason for it. He also seemed to be not so interested in what was causing the problem as he was in dealing with it. My take on it is that I need to know what I'm dealing with before I can begin to fix the problem.
My child has never been abused or traumatized. My parents and sister have been the only caregivers, other than myself and my husband, to care for him. My 2 other children behave fairly well. I can't understand what's going on with my son. I've tried to talk to him about it, but I can't get any answers.
I'm beginning to think he has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) or possibly bipolar disorder. His mood swings are so severe, I never know what to expect. What really has me jammed up is that when it's just me and him or just him and his dad and he's getting all the attention, he's pretty much great. Therefore, I know he's capable of good behavior.
Has anyone else ever had a child act like this? Any ideas or suggestions? Please don't bash me, my nerves are on end already. I know I need to get this situation under control before it gets any worse. I just don't know where to turn anymore. My mom says *tough love*, but I've tried that with him and it doesn't seem to have any effect on him. Once when he really misbehaved, I put him in his room and took out all the toys and knick-knacks, so there was nothing but his bed and dressing in there. I put a door lock on the closet and shut the door. When I came back to check on him about 1/2 later, I found him lying on the floor and he had unscrewed all the knobs on his dresser. He was only 5 at the time. It's like he's trying to get even with me for something I didn't know I did to him.
Difficult child
I feel for you mom, I can't imagine! My 2 boys are pretty good, I got lucky. It sounds to me like, if he can behave for OTHER people, than it might not be a disorder. My cousin had a kid like that. If I were you, I would DEFINATELY get a 2nd opinion, it doesn't s/l the 1st person was very helpful at all. You don't just give up (not you personally, the therapist) on a child and say "I don't know why he's like that!" He should have referred you to someone else. I would see what the 2nd therapist says, and go from there. You need to find one that is willing to work with you and your child, someone you and your boy are comfortable with, who will answer your questions and not give up on you, etc. If all else fails, there is always Dr. Phil...Good luck and keep us posted!
it will be a difficult conversation obviously
At 12 and 14 they are plenty old enough to be told the absolute truth. Let them have some time to process it, and then take them for a visit.
They like to make it difficult.
And you can't do it online. So call customer service, and just say no. The service rep is trained to make various offers to get you to change your mind. Just say NO, and ask for a supervisor if you have to. You're going to have to say NO more than once, but it's your money, and you have every right to keep it in your pocket rather than give it to them.
It would be pretty difficult for me because
I was raised on a farm. As long as my parents are living, I imagine I will eat meat whenever they visit. Recently, at home my immediate family has been doing without meat, but we eat meat if we go out to eat. I think it is very healthy to go without meat, but I also think eating a little meat is perfectly healthy too. I am a little concerned about mistreatment of animals and people in factory farming/packing, so I like to eat at Chipotles and buy cage-free eggs.
Adults need one, too. Imagine how difficult it is
for parents who feel the guilt/burden of knowing they cannot provide a Christmas for their babies. I've been there. I know how it feels.
One of my resolutions for 2007 is to pay a set percentage of my gross income to a dedicated cause locally. I'm not sure yet whether I will work with the light/water company to provide assistance for those on shut-off notices (they seem to have less options than anyone else) or help provide transportation to/from doctor visits for elderly/handicapped individuals, but I am going to do something.
It's not difficult either to refuse to consume
garbage posing as information.
Your choice.
I would totally ignore them. Difficult as it is
if you do not give them a moment of attention or let them know you are offended - they will eventually stop. Why play their game - stoop to their level? Then they have won
My hubby does this work also and says it is the most difficult
job he has ever done. No - it is not physical - you are not outside in the element - but it is draining. I agree with others - put headphones on him and make him sit at your desk - just make him type a paragraph - I guarantee he will change his tune - so sorry - don't let him get to you - he obviously does not appreciate you
i also work for 2 PS..and it's a difficult surgery
and my plastic surgeons dictate the risks in detail of a brachioplasty and they also have their patients speak with other patients who have had the surgery....I have always wanted to have upper arm lifts but after working for these particular 2 docs (among many others) for 11+ years, I think not!! I would also think a *re-do* would leave even more scars/dents.......
If you came out in 1975, that had to be extremely difficult - sm
for you. I know that had to take a lot of courage and strength on your part. Good for you.
I can never put myself in someone else's shoes but I can speak as a mother and a friend. The stigma that goes with the word "gay" needs to just disappear. It's getting better but has a long way to go.
When my son came out, I explained to him that like anything else outside the "normal" is going to take some time for people to really accept. Fortunately, there are many people who already do accept the lifestyle, even if isn't one they share.
We accept it because we love the people for who they are, not how they live.
Good for you. No condemnation from me.
Hi, it is difficult to restore shine when it is gone, but...sm
" Eventually, no matter how diligent you are about cleaning, your no-wax
floor will lose its shine. Then, believe it or not, the best way to
make it new-looking is to wax it.
Use a water-based self-polishing
wax.
Whenever possible use a product recommended by the manufacturer.
If you don't know who the manufacturer is, get a recommendation from a
reputable flooring contractor in your area.
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