I agree with letting him go...if there are no children involved (sm)
Posted By: Me on 2009-03-20
In Reply to: Why are men so selfish? - southernmt
and you are still young, get out now while you can. Don't wait like I did. I was married to someone very similar for 15 years and finally separated, but now I am older and I have two children who rely on me. I would much rather have left him early on, found someone new, and have children with a stable home.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Does not really matter why, especially if there are children involved
x
For the sake of her family. There are children involved.
nm
Abusive to women, animals - thank goodness there are no children involved. (sm)
get her out of that situation before any more harm comes about.
Youngest daughter once dated a guy and we discovered she was afraid to not be ready on time, to wear something he didn't like, etc. Soon we found out there were bruises on her upper arms and near her breasts. Needless to say, we marched her to the courthouse, got an ex parte. He broke into our house after that when he thought she was home alone, we pressed charges and had that young man paying court costs for quite some time in addition to going to anger management classes.
We were lucky, we got her out before it was too late. He had her emotionally beat down to the point she couldn't stand up on her own. Heaven help those without a support system.
I have 3 children, but I agree with your post 100%
nm
I agree. My children were both bottlefed.
My nieces were both breastfed. They are very clingy to their parents, shy, and do not do very well in school. They also were sick a lot when they were babies. They still get sick a lot now and they are both in school. I thought it was funny how the first one got fed real food grinded up and the second one got fed baby food from the jar. Boy did my SIL get lazy!!!!! Too much work grinding that food up and freezing. I fed my kids from a bottle and I fed them baby food until the started growing teeth. They got soft regular food from about 8 months on both of them. My nieces only like to eat bread and candy!!!! GO FIGURE, they were breastfed!!!! JMO.
I also agree her children's safety comes first n/m
x
Agree. I think some homeschooled children
are the brightest. The author of Eragon....he wrote that at age 14 after graduating. He was homeschooled. It absolutely amazed me to think that I child could write that!
Thank you for letting us
know the child survived. I didn't want to look up the story.
The initial post should have not only put the post in the message but also don't just drop a bomb like that and then walk away.
letting go
I am so excited for your son. What an awesome opportunity.
My daughter is a bit younger and she had an opportunity to go to Central America (which is closer and safer I know) for the summer on a mission trip. I received a LOT of negative feedback from family and friends for letting her go, especially since she is under 16, but she had an opportunity to be part of something bigger than her "what do I wear today" kind of life. She loves God and feels called to the mission field and I am sure this summer was her first of many trips.
I know it will be a real stretch for you as a parent, as it was me, but I had to trust that she belongs to God before me and God could keep her safer than I could. She loved it and grew as a person and as a Christian.
Hope that helps. I will be praying for your family.
Thank you for letting me know - NM
NM
Calling when going somewhere and letting you know
she arrived safely is one thing. Teaching a child that forgetting something once in a while is some horrible thing is another story all together. We ALL, and I do mean ALL, forget things from time to time. I don't care how many lists you make, how organized you are or anything else, we all forget things. It may be a coat, something on our list that we made or somebody's birthday, but we ALL forget things. My children did learn from their mistakes but, once again, not from cruelty, but simply because it was a life lesson. They are both wonderful you adults who work full time jobs and are responsible people. While they had guidelines and rules to follow and knew and reaped the consequences of not following the rules set before them, we did not rule with an iron thumb. We knew they were human and would make mistakes along the way and learn from them. Sorry this was so long, but this type of treatment of children really makes me sad. I wanted my children to know that I loved them more than I wanted to rule them. They still respect me and I talk to both of them several times a week and have a wonderful relationship. 
This is all about forgiveness and letting go
Obviously your husband has some deep hurts and a lot of anger. Forgiveness is the key. I know it's a lot easier said than done but it benefits the person doing the forgiving, not the "forgivee". It doesn't mean he is condoning what was done to him. Maybe the stepfather is doing the best he knows how, who knows. We all have our issues. Your husband does need to work on his anger and not bring the kids into it though. Prayers for your hubby and your family. 
Also if you stay away you are letting him win(sm)
As that seems to be his goal -I would not let him keep me from seeing the rest of my family. However, I also would not want my children exposed to his mouth, so if you cannot stay in a hotel,I would go and visit without your children, which I do sometimes as well. I see my family about twice a year, usually once by myself and once with the kids, at which time we stay in a hotel.
Appreciate your letting us know - mine is scheduled
x
I'm not letting my kids get a real
tattoo. If they decide they want a tattoo, it will have to wait until they're 18 and pay for it themselves. I said they are saving for the airbrush tattoos at the beach. They wear off after about 6 weeks and there's no permanent damage, no needles, just airbrush.
I think sometimes parents don't choose their battles wisely and that causes more problems than the issue itself.
I'm sure he says those things while you're letting
It's not a mistake if you plan on letting him
do that every night. Believe me I know. We've had several dogs over the years and every single time we've given in and let them on the furniture or bed just one time - they take it as a sign that they are welcome there all the time. Now we have 3 LARGE dogs who think they need to sleep in our bed every night. :)
In my opinion - your first mistake is letting your son live with her sm
and you having "no say about it". Huh! You are his mother aren't you?
Not trying to be rude, I most certainly would not have any of my kids living with an "ex- anything" and only living with me. 15 and the teens for that matter are very tender ages and need their parents guidance in all aspects of their lives.
I have a 15 year old and 17 year old, both very athletic, and neither would live with a family member or ex-family member just for a sport.
Believe it or not - sports are not everything, but academic achieves are. We are in the hunt for colleges as my 17 y/o is a senior in high school. Guess what, they don't care if they play sports - they want their GPA, rigor of their courses and their grades, as well as SAT scores. Even if a scholarship is offered, in my case, football, they still need to meet requirements.
So, I would re-think the teen's living arrangements if I were his mother.
Well...I am always nervous about letting my kids do things like that (sm)
But I usually let them do it. However, it would depend on the parents. I mean if the guy reeks of alcohol - how bad? Do you mean he drinks a beer or two on the weekends or is he a drunk? Will he be driving your son in a car or boat? If so, I would not be comfortable with that. I have said no at times if I am uncomfortable for a reason, but I always have to think it through and see if there is real danger or if I am just being me - a worry wart. I would find out if that dad is going, if he will be driving the car, if he will be driving a boat, etc. and make my decision from that.
Letting person finish sentence
My hubs has called it to my attention several times that I do this to him. I really love, admire and cherish him and I am glad he has not given up on me like some of the above state. It is not done intentionally but I think sometime he sorta stammers and huh, huh it 1 time too much and then here I rush in. Oh, well I am an Aries and I want things done yesterday!
hold on....letting adults paddle my kid?
nm
I am not letting my young teen marry an old man.
x
Letting a child about Santa isn't lying, sheesh
Telling about Santa isn't lying, it's a rite of childhood for millions of kids, as is the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I see no harm in giving my children hope in something so good as Santa. I don't remember being crushed as a child when I found out about Santa, I only remember the joy of waking up on Christmas morning to a full stocking and the anticipation of waiting for the big guy. We were so poor that I don't know how we ever had a Christmas but somehow there were always gifts from Santa, to me that's what he's about, not lying but believing.
People take really strange things far too literally, takes the fun out of the simple things in my opinion.
Someone putting that many demands on a gift is taking advantage of you, and you are letting them. nm
x
Not involved
NM
I would have never ever gotten involved with my
I only did because he accepts my biracial son and is a father to him. I guess you can say I settled. He loves me totally and completely but I cannot love him and will not marry him. ever.
Children having children not a new thing, where do you live?
My son, who is now in his early 40s, told me years ago when in high school about all the teenage mothers that were at his school and said they brought the babies to school, and he seemed to think it was like the girls having playdolls like when you were little. This is not new and apparently folks think alright to have their children sans marriage, be it preteens, teens or adults. I guess my years alone do not make me shocked at anything anymore. Others talk about this job being isolated and your post says some of this if you were shocked at what the son said.
And I was involved with a CASA
before for stepgchildren and personally I did not find them to be that hot. They actually played a part in giving back the children to a strung-out mother who lived off the welfare system, never worked, lazy, good for nothing but they feel like "kids should be with their mothers." Ok, so they went back and last I heard the mother was gone and the kids out on the streets, oh well you live and learn. Mothers around not always the best.
Has anyone been involved with Meetup.com?
I've been thinking about starting a meetup group to get my daughter together with other girls her age who enjoy art and crafting. But I'm a little hesitant to start one because I don't have any experience with being involved in a group this way. I really wouldn't want to hold anything at my house right away with complete strangers, that would be something that could happen later on as we all got to know each other better. I would love to hear about experiences that people have had with any type of group that has met this way. Thanks!
There's a landlord involved here?
You have rights - if he is violating the rules and/or the law with respect to noise violations he either fixes the problem or moves. Check out the law in your state.
I didn't say I was getting involved - sm
I simply told the background and asked for positive thoughts for her and her son. That's it. I'm not going to tell her what to do.
Right now I am involved in about 15 things and I'm trying to sm
find a way to cut it down to half. If you are older and you don't have small kids, then I suggest getting involved in church more. I have 3 young sons so we are constantly going from ball practice to ball practice. In between that I teach 2 Sunday School classes, attend a mid-week Bible study, have lunch with husband every Friday, work out 4 days a week, work 25+ hours a week at MQ, visit friends and family out of town quarterly, PLUS I am involved heavily in 2 other major ministries at church - Pastor prayer partners and the Invitation Team.
If that isn't enough, I scrapbook like crazy and take lots of pictures.
I also write notes to people I haven't seen in a while, or I'll just write cards to people in general and tell them I'm praying for them and that takes an hour or so.
Oh, did I also mention that I am a freelance writer for a Christian publication?
I also write material and Bible studies for our church.
I used to bowl every Thur. morning, but quit that. May take up an evening league one night a week. I love to bowl.
I am up LATE every single night and hit the ground running early in the morning to start homeschooling. The only time I have to myself every single day is after 10 o'clock every night. If I need 2 hours I take 2 hours. If I need more sleep, then I'm in bed by 10:30. I take whatever time I need for myself every single day.
Find something you enjoy and just do it. Take a class at the library. Learn to quilt. Learn to sew. Learn to play an instrument. The key is doing something you enjoy doing: cooking, reading, etc.
Life is too short to waste doing nothing or sitting around wasting time. There's work to be done!!!!!!!
guess you'd say I'm really involved!
I was close to my mother's parents as a child. They were my second parents and I probably lived half the year on their farm. I see it as being a good thing for me. My GP lived way out in the woods and never drove "to town," so they only left home to attend weddings and funerals, otherwise my parent(s) took me there.
When my daughter was pregnant, I lived 1000 miles away, but we talked on the phone almost daily. When my GD was born, I was able to visit when she was 2 weeks old and I knew I had to move back to the area. She is a manipulative person and I had long ago set limits that I would do anything for her out of love that didn't involve money, so I kept my GD every other weekend and more if asked. I supported my daughter emotionally in every way I could. If she asked my opinion, I always tried to give a balanced opinion and never interfered when my opinion was not asked, although if something came up later I would try to offer options for a situation. When things fell apart for her, I am glad I was there to catch my GD so she was not lost to CPS. I am now adopting her.
I am blessed to be a grandmother...although I hope this is the only one :)
Grandparents are not involved much. . sm
It's funny you should ask this question today. My mom, who lives 90 minutes away, came for a visit. We haven't seen her in about 4 months. My 2-year-old didn't know who the heck she was and was scared of her for the first day she was here. We only see her 3 to 4 times a year. I wish we could see her more. My dad died when my oldest was one. He had never even met him.
My husband's parents have little to do with the kids. They live 20 minutes away, and we hardly see them. It really hurts because they always have my SIL's kids. They are the same age as my kids and spend almost every weekend at their house. During the summer, they spend even more time with them. After a couple of years of this, I finally asked them why they don't ever have my kids over. They said they will try to spend more time with them. Last summer, they invited the oldest to spend one night, and the SIL's kids were there. I am giving up. Sorry this got so long. I am really sad about this right now.
Involved with grandsons
age 15 and 8.... My DH & I sold our home as did my daughter and SIL. We bought one together. My daughter could not "bear" it if something happened to us so she pretty much decided this four years ago. So far it has worked out pretty well except I can't be involved with the grandsons spiritually as they are into another "type" of spiritual organization than I. That has been and probably always will be the most difficult task I have ever encountered to share my beliefs with them. I just continue to pray that everyone will be on the right path TOGETHER in the end.
CPS does tell if lawyer gets involved. have had every detail given to me before sm
when they were called in me for my kids riding their bikes in the neighborhood streets like every kid in the neighborhood did. we hired lawyer, refused the one on one investigation at school with the kids, and had the "meeting" at the laywers office. never allowed them in our home, but our lawyer got every detail of the report, which was passed onto us. we had the date, the name of the person who called, their address, everything.
I did try to get a consumer advocate involved
but no luck. Called 1 day and would not take my call, guess he had more important ones that day. I agree totally with you about getting a news channel involved, I just decided maybe if I went the court way might would stand a chance, knew I could go after their banking acct or garnishment if the courts on my side and it turned out that way. The price they owe me has gone up over $100 just for my court costs and now they owe those in addition to what it was in the first place. The courthouse steps is the way the county does where I purchased the furniture. We could have it at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, just as long as I retrieve what is owed.
How is it not a big deal when there are kids involved? (sm)
He has a choice - I have given him 10 years and he just does not care about my opinion. Why can he not change at all to keep his family together?
You talk like the only ones involved with big taxes
My father got killed in an accident, left me his property, I sold and for upcoming year MY taxes on that ALONE over $13,000.00. I did not fuss, I did not oh woe me- just put that money in the bank to draw interest until tax time. Know I owe and have that set aside. That does not count all the other taxes DH and I pay for the year and I sound like a grinch? Sure don’t get that remark. I am as much into keeping all that I can but EVERYONE (unless on welfare) has to pay their share, until and if they change the laws. I would be glad for any bonus he or I either one got but not happening here, so where does grinch come in?
Unless your son was involved in the incident, they probably would not inform you.
If the schools had to inform all parents of every single incident that occured between students, that could be a full-time job unto itself for 2 or 3 people in some schools. It sounds like the school took proper measures in disciplining the students involved in the incident.
As far as the post below regarding the 4th grade girl and her lies, I am sure that the boy in question knew what she was saying and may or may not have told his parent(s). At any rate, that would be a matter for the families of the children involved.
Illegal and all involved should be prosecuted.
NM
apologies heal all involved --
acknowledged or not.
I am inspired.
If you care about your kids, you will be involved sm
in the drama of high school life! I am very involved with my kids and their "drama" because I am a good listener and care about what my kids have going on in their life. I am there to listen to them and give them advice. Isn't that what parents are for?
I would throw the son a b-day party and if girls came, they came. If not, you can still have fun with just the boys. Do a campout for them. Sounds like the girl needs to get a life and get over it! She is just jealous.
My understanding is that both parties involved are black. nm
x
Since there are kids involved, I'd think long and hard (sm)
about leaving him. It's quite easy for others to tell you he needs to be dumped, but they sure won't live with the aftermath.
Take the 100k and remodel the house. Forget adding on. Spend the money on creating a fabuous kitchen with hearth room, fix structural defects, redo the kids' rooms; totally redecorate exactly the way you want with no regard to his taste, and get a nice new minivan to haul the kids around to play dates.
Oh, spare a little money to build a bedroom in the barn. He loves the yard and barn so much, he can live there.
See, this way if you stay and work on your marriage, you'll have a beautiful home you can live with. If his selfish ways finally push you beyond tolerance and love for him, you'll have a great house to put on the market. With your half of the sale, you'll finally be able to have the home you've always dreamed of. It's a win-win for you.
That is precious. It really is. Too many husbands not involved these days! nm
.
I don't understand the ethics of the doctors involved
xx
Just started Healthy Performance..cooking involved though.
It has been just a little over 24 hours. I CAN do this. Sometimes it just takes a kick in the butt to get me moving in the right direction and I think this is gonna do it. Good luck to you!
Normal. I think jealousy is involved & also that his hormones are starting
s
Dog killing and mayor involved in letter writing
I am really in a twizzy this morning. Shirley Franklin, city of Atlanta mayor, wrote a letter to the judge involved in the Michael Vick dog fighting/killing asking for leniency as, how she put it, Vick had done a lot for the community and helped folks out. Phooey!!! I hope personally he never is able to return to the Falcons or any other football team. I think whatever he was able to accomplish was blown by the fact that he participated in the killing of dogs. How inhumane is that? I hope PETA gets out and strikes each and every time (if he is rehired by any jackoffs) he is supposed to be playing. Came from the ghetto and I suppose the thug still in him. What a shame. Never made a million in my life and he made mega millions and then threw it all away for ??? I am vexed by her doing such a deed and will send letter stating my feelings.
Talk to DFS, Juvenille Officer involved in the case (sm)
and if the children are appointed a CASA or Guardian Ad Litem, also make yourself known to them. When these children are taken in as wards of the court suitable family placement is always looked at. From experience I will tell you there are many, many wonderful foster-adoptive families out there just waiting for these babies.
By the way, if you are awarded custody of this child and the child does have special needs, the state will steer you towards getting assistance in getting what help you need.
It would be lovely if all the children could be kept together and sometimes this is possible. You will find out much more after the initial hearing I suppose.
Good luck to you and the children. Bless their little hearts, they only know mommy is mommy and have no idea of what a good mommy should be. I have seen children who have been physically and verbally abused and neglected by parent who still love and want to be with them. They don't know anything different.
Once again, good luck.
|
