I agree with anon
Posted By: MT married 11 years on 2008-10-07
In Reply to: My take on it - anon
He seems to just be content and getting too comfy, maybe mix it up a bit. Make sure you have eye contact with him when you are speaking to him. My hubby's personality is also kind of bully-ish and tends to come across that way, especially when he is grumpy after working all day, just like I am. I tend to take care of the house, 4 kids, the animals, etc. and work full time, so I am grumpy as well. I make sure that we get a hug in and an "I love you" daily and that seems to help. The more I have taken to doing this, the more relaxed things are in the house. Try to get an hour alone every week for just the two of you. My hubby and I make sure we get 15 minutes to talk about our day every day. Try not to take offense of what he is doing, just try something different. It sounds like your in a rut.
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I agree with anon
Just gradually let the friendship drop. When she wants to see you, tell her you're not available. If she calls to cry on your shoulder, listen for a couple of minutes and then tell her you need to get off the phone. She isn't going to change, so you have to.
BTW, someone below mentioned a friend using the fact that she is bipolar to excuse this kind of behavior. I am bipolar, and while there may be some things I don't handle as well as I would like, I have a steady job, I have been married to the same man for many years, I have a son in college, and my bills are always paid on time. But then, I always take my meds. I may not like the side effects, but I want as "normal" a life as I can have.
To ANON
Thank you.......
To another anon
OK....have a good night....
For anon...
Just for the record, I wasn't calling you names. You don't like my opinion, that's fine. I've read your previous posts though, and I don't think some of these other posters have. I was NOT calling you a weird lady, I was stating that to a 6-year-old boy you are some weird lady who is taking his daddy. You and the father were not together long enough for that child to feel any connection to you prior to the marriage, and you have shown nothing but hatred and jealousy toward the child on your weekly posts here. I would (and this is just a guess) imagine you're not all that bonding and loving with the child, so yes...he's not going to think well of you. And I still stand by my belief that a 6-year-old saying I got a slushie and you didn't isn't spiteful or in any way a malacious act. It's a 6-year-old being a 6-year-old.
Anon - please get help today -
I really don't want to be an alarmist, however, we all read the news and every day there's a report of wife who disappears (or is killed by her husband.) If (and this is a big IF) he is getting worse and IF you feel threatened by his behavior - get help! Look in the white pages for social services and find a woman's help group. Only you can tell if he's getting angry and if you're frightened. If I were frightened in any way by my husband or his behavior I'd be out of there! We cannot give you any other advice than to seek advice in your community before it's too late. Again, to reiterate and make my point, it really sounds like he's into porn. There's many types of porn from the mild Playboy type to the really ugly violent porn! I hear that it becomes addicting to some people and, if that is the case here, I would seek help immediately!
So, Anon, be your own Best Friend...
and do what you know you need to do. We've all given you good advice here. There is free legal aid and counseling available all over the country, big towns and small. Act in your own best interests. Pretend that your best friend is being abused in this manner and look up the info for "her". For some reason you are reticent to do this. Are you afraid you cannot make it on your own? Are you afraid that he'll come after you? Do you think that the marriage can be saved? Do what Ann Landers always says "think about whether your life would be better or worse without him in it". If you think that it would be better without him in it then you need to make a decision to get the help you need. Don't tell him what you're thinking about doing. Don't let him find out you're making copies of necessary paperwork. This is about YOU and YOUR needs (necessities really). BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND! (Sorry about yelling - just trying to get through to you!)
Do you have kids anon?
I agree spanking should be kept to a minimum, but sometimes with younger kids it is necessary imo. When my oldest was 3 or 4 I had my cart full of groceries and my hands full and told him to stay right by my side and hold onto the cart when we cross the parking lot. He ran right out into traffic! I spanked him right there in the parking lot because I wanted him to remember to NEVER do that again. I also talked with him about once we were in the car, but some situations call for spanking imo.
Some parents never spank their kids, and good for them, but if a parent wants to smack a kid on the butt sometimes that is their business. I don't like spanking too much though because it does send a message of violence and fear, but sometimes fear is the only thing that gets through their thick skulls! I think you should give a warning first normally and not hit out of your own need to vent, but to get a message across to the child. Plus, some kids are such spoiled brats that their parents should spank. Overindulgence is also a form of abuse and will only harm the child in the longrun. So I do have mixed feelings on it, but I don't think it's fair to say that parents should never spank their kids.
reply to Anon sm
I can see where you are coming from but there is a simple answer - change the channel. There is plenty out there for everyone. I get sick of the ugliness myself but it pays the bills for the stations and it amuses small minds. You have to have a bigger set of values and flip the channel, change the station, put on some nice music, read something positive, take a walk, etc. There is an old song with the lyrics, "You gotta accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and don't mess with Mister In-between." It's all out there, you don't have to pay attention to it or you will be just like "them."
I did it - anon from yesterday (sm)
It's all reported and official. Now I don't feel so alone. I don't want to get into a big discussion on here in case he is checking to see if I posted anything...but it's all documented by the right people and they have my back. Starting my kids in counselling there as well. I feel my backbone growing back :-) If you have replies please reply to the orginal post below...don't want it to be right up top again, just in case. Thanks for all the words of wisdom and encouragement yesterday.
i care anon,
and i am sure many others do to, but don't know how to help. i never read your previous post below until now. difficult times cause us to grow personally and adds to our character. nothing was ever gained (or made easier) by giving up. you have to hang in there. i really don't have much to offer either, except to suggest that you go the emergency room for treatment. Worry about the cost later. there are so many sources of help available, social services, etc, pantries, shelters, help phone lines. Your true source of help is God above. Learn about him, pray, devote your life to him. call a minister. I would suggest to speak to someone at the church of Christ; ask for spiritual counseling. There are many who would love the opportunity to help. i wish you the best.
I care too, anon!
Please contact me by e-mail if you just need someone to talk to....or someone to listen to you. My heart goes out to you. We are all very concerned about you and care very much, but the anonymity of this board is frustrating. We can't reach out and hug you like we would like to! Please know that we do still care and think about you often!
Thank you for responding, sm and anon...
I didn't know about not having to pay those fees. This time I really did some homework as far as the dealer's list price versus MRSP, etc. The confidence thing needs work, though. My last 3 cars lasted 10 years, so I don't get a lot of practice with this.
Yes, like I said, by all means go to Al-Anon. sm
You work the Al-Anon program for yourself and not for the alcoholic. You'll be more than glad you did. Not to necessarily save your marriage, but to save YOURSELF.
Anon poster, do you have any idea...
HOW HILARIOUS THAT WAS?! Oh my god! That post is truly a hidden jewel and I hope others read it!
I'd prefer to stay mainly anon except to say
I recently relocated to Texas (I have a few co-workers/friends that visit these boards and I really don't want them to know about my daughter's situation, it's rather embarassing to me).
I'm very angered with the school system. Not just this situation but also the special ed stuff going on with my son. The district my kids are in seems too busy to really want to deal with the parent. That's why I know if I marched down there tomorrow about my daughter's punishment, I'd get nowhere but have a headache. It's just not worth it to me right now, as I'm so very busy and with the holidays, it all stinks, ya know.
Thanks for listening.
Hey anon - I posted above but will just say a line here
Not calling Animal Control because they really are not cruel to their dog. Actually I think the dog should say and Animal Control should take them away. HA HA. Dogs not tied up and every once in awhile (every other day) it gets loose and they go running down the road yelling after it. Why they even have a dog I don't understand. Anyway...they are not cruel to it, they feed it, pay attention to it and it goes in their house at night to sleep. They are just fools that don't have any consideration for their neighbors and giving their neigbors some peace and quiet, but thanks for your post. Bout a year ago at a different location we had to call animal control. Neighbors at another place took off for 2 weeks and left their dog alone. We had to have PD come to see if something didn't happen to them inside the house. Come to find out those flaming imbilci!es went on a vacation and didn't make any arrangements for their dog. They had a freind look in but the friend showed up twice in two weeks. We offered them free pet sitting if they were planning to go away again.
Anon said 'stupider' is NOT EVEN a word.
IT IS A WORD, BOTH can be used!
Can't you even read, go back and read her post!
Well, I am European and I use British English, where English originated.
There are a lot of people who say that American English is not even English!
Glad to burst your bubble!
You are the stupidest!
True Anon, but Christ is being removed out of everything and that isn't right either.
t
Calling AA will do you no good. You need to call Al-Anon.
nm
Attention: Anon....website for stepmoms
Anon,
I read your post about your stepson. I just wanted to let you know that I belong to a wonderful website that allows stepmoms to talk about their issues, give advice, share positives thoughts, vent, etc. I have learned a lot from the wonderful ladies on there. Here is the website if your are interested.
www.stepsforstepmothers.com
thank you, anon. And this, Philly, is why your posts are inappropriate.
nm
Nobody loves you when you're down - anon from a few days ago (sm)
So after telling my story and getting some really nice encouragement from some people and getting bashed by others, and having friends and church leaders encourage me to report all that was going on in my home, I have the sinking feeling that once I did what I was told to do it was like, "good luck with that." I can't get any guarantees or promises from anyone I have talked to yet. I am worse off than I was before and scared to death.
To anon..She was trying to explain to the rest of us in simple terms...sm
how mares foal, bkz most of us don't have the opportunity to see that. You don't even know how many horses and other animals Hayseed has and cares for every day!
I suggest you apologize immediately.  Cat
Are you the Anon who was worried abt possibly violence or hubby taking your kids? m
Best of luck to you for taking the steps to change your life. I wish you well.
What an awesome post! I agree, agree, agree completely with you.
 You are right on the money in my book! 
I agree, try to live in another country, then you will also agree...nm
nm
absolutement! Agree! Agree! Agree!
Why is it so hard to understand this? HMOs are just middlemen who get everything balled up and costly!
I agree with you - not judging either but agree (nm)
:)
and I agree with you *nn* -
I agree......
I agree with everyone's reply here. Also--one more thing...DO NOT TOUCH THE RADIO/CD PLAYER WHILE DRIVING!! It was 17 years ago that one of my best friends was killed this way-very responsible girl, just did not think for that one moment.
I was a responsible teen, but my parents set strict rules on my driving. At the time, I did not understand but now that I have a 10-year-old son who keeps reminding me each year that he will be driving in __ years, I understand completely. If it were an option for us, I would keep my kids babies forever.
Another thing you can do, just to maybe ease your mind about driving is take her to the local police department and have them to show actual footage of accidents. I know that sounds pretty harsh, but it has saved a lot of kids lives in my surrounding area.
Hope this helps!!
wow - I sure do agree with you!!....sm
I would rather them be locked in a car driving than strolling or walking alone - In Florida - we have had MANY YOUNG KIDS killed (murder) by being alone walking to and from school. My children are VERY responsible and pay for everything, except that car insurance (which is wayyyyyyyyy too much) which I offered to pay until age 28. By the age of 28, they'll be earning more $$. My OLD brother (and he's very old *LOL*) did this for his son until age 28 (think he's about 38 now) because of the exhorbitant insurance rates. I decided to follow suit. If we have it, why shouldn't we help them. I'd rather help my children while I'M ALIVE AND KICKING rather than what they get when I die, IF there is anything to get *LOL*
Y'all have a GREAT day!
Remember, we can all agree to disagree without being nasty and rude.
and I so agree with you!!!.....sm
One of my children saved all the Xmas/holiday/birthday $$ ever received from toddler-hood so that at 17 had $6000+ and put it down on a BRAND NEW SMALL CAR, albeit I had to co-sign the balance. Child did pay the rest off. I too am very proud of the children who are young still, one has worked for 10 years already (started off part-time at about 14 after school by own choice).
Yep, I want kids to hang out in multiple numbers today - never walking alone - too many CREEPS out there in the USA today and they are EVERYWHERE....really creepy to me.........
Let's sing out for the responsible good kids who are out there trying to live life in this messed-up world!!!!
HOORAY FOR THE CHILDREN!!!! They are our future and if we don't back them, well then we are up the creek without a paddle, right? 
I agree...
Don't be too quick to judge! Last I knew car seats can be moved from one car to another! It's so sad that a few rotten apples out there ruin it for the people who really need the help! Hope you are never in a situation where you may need a little help.
I agree
Hey, Chillie, I love what you said. It's time somebody did. All this political correctness crap is getting to the point where it really offends me. And I'm SOMEBODY, TOO!!! Thanks.
It all goes to what you agree to when you take the job
If you take the job knowing that it involves working the holiday or the night of or the night before then it is your obligation to do so. That is the way of this trade. Then the days following the holiday we are "dead" and everyone is yelling for work. Kind of like the hospitals, the police, the fire department, the stores half the time -- we all know what is expected when we accept the job. If you knew that it was expected of you when you said yes -- then I think it is your obligation to work. If you have your own accounts or are an IC then you have the right to say no but don't complain when nothing comes your way the day or two after the holoidays. I chose to have my own accounts and some are open the day after Thanksgiving and so what I pick up on late Weds has to be back by early Friday and so somwhere in that timeframe I have to get it done. I might have a few more hours to do it but also have a family and life so will squeeze it in. Then Friday I will have what was dictated on Weds and have to work on over the weekend. So you see you are not alone but this has been the way since I have been doing this, close to 20+ years. Before that when I worked in office/clinics we were never closed for the Friday after Thanksgiving, saw patients until 6 on Weds, back at 8 on Friday. Anway got things to do. Patti
I agree
I was in management also and I was lucky in that there were only a certain few MTs that were very stubborn about not working holidays or flat out refused. Most were willing to compromise, maybe do one major holiday and have off the other, or even put in a few hours of their choice. It is those who refuse to work all holidays that can mess things up for everyone. For if everyone refused, what then? I guess it would then have to become mandatory???? Exactly!
I agree with you...
Even if the story you were told is true, there's still something not right about the situation. Best to make sure your daughter's not in any danger, I'd do the same thing! Good luck...I feel for the other family though...how hard would that be?
I agree...
My husband is far from dispensable! He's my best friend too. He's a wonderful father, husband, son, brother, everything! We've been married for almost 20 years and I love and need him more today than I did in the beginning. Men are getting an unfair wrap here...although I completely sympathize with the OP. That's her situation, though, not every marriage comes down to that.
Like I said before (and my post was deleted for some reason) I am looking forward to growing old with my husband...raising grandchildren...hopefully finally getting to travel. I do believe the best has yet to come for us!
I 100% agree.
x
I agree
My friend and I went on a sugar free diet - it lasted 2 days. After numerous trips to the restroom, we both finally came to the conclusion that it was the sugar substitutes. Go for Splenda... After removing sugar substitues we had no more problems.
I agree and not only that - what about the
actions speak louder than words - if he wasn't guilty he would've stuck around..........would have had nothing to run from if he was innocent......and that's another thing - in the case, he was NOT found NOT GUILTY - he was found innocent by a reasonable doubt....(pssst - cause he's still guilty)...LOL
if it looks like a horse, smells like a horse, acts like a horse, it is not a swan!
RIP Ron and Nicole......
I agree sm
If you take hungry men a meal of sand covered with some cheese, they are gonna say it is great. It was very funny to me too. I am a country fair blue ribbon winner. Of course they are not gonna say this tastes awful. I make the best blue ribbon potato salad. I mean really, if you take hungry men anything, they are not gonna tell your husband it was mediocore, hungry men will eat almost anything.
I agree with you...
Your original intention was to "feel" out how others felt about your situation. You never argued with anyone who replied earlier with anything but thanks. Log off now, and forget about the rants and raves. I hope you have a good evening.
I agree
I have never been big on that with my kids, never felt comfortable with it even when they were much younger. As ridiculous as it may sound, I can remember finding out there was no Santa and I was incredibly upset that my parents lied to me. Christmas is not about Santa. Still bugs me. haha.
I don't agree with your vet.
When I finally saw my dog going through a partial seizure, she was definitely scared and in pain. Afterwards she almost stopped breathing. Hers were caused by a tumor, but in a young dog like yours, it is almost certainly epilepsy. I have a friend whose dog has epilepsy with terrible seizures, and now he's on medication and only has 1 seizure a month. They are all much happier. If I were you I'd change vets because I'd be worried the seizures were causing brain damage.
I agree, but...
not everyone can multitask. Fortunately, it is nice to be able to simultaneously do laundry and type at the same time. No one should be sitting in front of a PC for 8 hours straight. You have to get up and stretch, so why not switch the clothes from washer to dryer, or catch the news or have a cup of tea for a few minutes. If you were inhouse, you would be at the water cooler. Working at home is a privilege, but even people who work inhouse take advantage. I have seen where fellow employees are taking personal phone calls, balancing their checkbook, making appointments, asking others opinions regarding personal issues, etc. Lighten up!!!! You will either be diligent or not off-site or not... No one can type and clean at the same time, but it sure makes it easier to dust your living room, and then go type for a while.... Oh my! That is why I love this board!
I agree
For the first year or two I went to an accountant he was very helpful. But then after I realized that I was doing 80% of his work for him and I do understand taxes quite well, I bought Turbo Tax and for the past 10 to 12 years have used Turbo Tax. You have to figure out how much sq ft your office is versus your house to find the percentage you get to take off for mortgage payment. utilities, etc. Also he will let you know what the pros and cons are for depreciating your home. Since I figure on dying here -- and not in the near future -- I have been using the depreciation. If you use your car for any mileage related to your business, supplies, delivering, banking you can take that off. Ask him about setting up a SEP fund -- self employment pension fund -- even if you only contribute 5 to 10% that helps to bring down what you pay SSN, every dollar helps. Good luck, once he does it for you then you can use last year guidelines for how to do it.
I agree 100%
I also suffered from HPV and had to endure 4 colposcopies as well as a LEEP procedure. If this had been available when I was younger, I would have gotten the vaccine. There is always risk to these types of things and it is a matter of personal preferance as to what you choose to do.
I agree. sm
And it was even worse in the days of pay toilets what we had to endure.
I remember sitting there broken heated.
Paid a dime and only farted.
I agree as with the others
Definitely don't get tempted on the business trip, and if he wants you he needs to get rid of the other one.
It is really easy to cheat on a business trip and come home to the wife/steady girlfriend like nothing happened (for some anyway).
I agree with everyone here and I have --sm
been in your shoes too, in the past. Only thing is that I was not mature enough way back then to keep business separate from *high school feelings* and the only one that got hurt was me. I felt not so bright in the head, and *cheap* afterwards.
He is still in his present relationship for a reason and since it seems so easy for this man to forget that, I would stay WAY clear of him! (gotten smarter in my old age). IF he leaves his present girlfriend, which I seriously doubt, then MAYBE, but also keep in mind that he was willing to step out of bounds on that relationship to see what could be done with you, and I would almost bet this is not the first time, so if things ever got serious between the two of you....how easy would it be for him to do it to you after 7 years or so?
It just seems so easy for a man to change his life like he changes his pants every day with no qualms about who he hurts in the process. Keep your dignity...don't do it. Just my 2 cents. good luck to you!
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