I agree...not selfish at all..we have all felt like that at one time or another..
Posted By: MTMommy on 2008-05-28
In Reply to: You sound very selfish. - You only get one mother.
although some of us probably don't want to admit that...glad she vented to us and not her mother...
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I'm having a hard time understanding having a baby for selfish reasons...
My older sister feels the same way and doesn't want kids.
As I pointed out above, I'm being selfish by wanting my alone time and doing my own thing and not having to care for someone else.
but watching my little sister be a mother, it is one of the most SELFLESS acts I've ever seen.
So I guess I'm confused at how come you point out that it is selfish... just because you love babies doesn't make you selfish to have them. and of course it's "necessary" or we as a human race would be over ;)
I just feel like being a mother is the toughest job in the world... so I don't know how to combine selfish with that. I do see your point in a way that we want something to love, but I just look at it as being a family... I want a family. I know there are people who are content on their own... but I guess your point would be "WHY" do i want that family? I can't answer that in specific terms.
I guess it's to share the love that me and him have with a child or children some day... to expand our happiness. well i guess that is selfish. ha.
I'm glad you are such a good mom. I don't know what I'd do without mine.
You did what you felt you had to do at the time SM
and I wish the very best for you and your family now. I think you did the right thing by reaching out. I am sure in so many ways he misses you as well. It may take some time, but I think this will have a happy ending. Try to take it one day at a time and rest assured in what you have done by reaching out.
I totall agree too. I have a 15yo daughter and i would never snoop unless i felt there was reason.
trust is trust. she has build up my trust and given me no reason not to trust her. i'm sorry but i think reading through emails and snooping just goes too far unless you have reason to suspect something. i do glance through myspace occasionally, but would never read every email. i don't even know her passwords. i think if you are at the point you need to read through every email your child does, you need to reevaluate your relationship and parenting skills. bash me if you wish, but don't be too strict or you can push your children the opposite way to where they will never talk to you and have an open relationship with you. trust is simply trust and should be earned. look at an adult relationship. it isn't a very well relationship if you can't have trust. should be the same with children.
Totally agree, get these from time to time since teens...sm
It's a neuro condition, it does not mean there is anything at all wrong with you, it is actually related to narcolepsy, hypnagogic (sp? I just got up!) hallucinations, etc. And I HATE when I get these, it is always freaky, my siblings get this too, at times. I can "go away" for years and years before you get another episodes, so don't worry! I heard that when you are under a lot of stress or are very busy with things that this happens more??? Take care!!
I agree. And at the time this happened, it was
already dark, and the zoo was unlighted. I have the feeling they sort of held back to mess around with the tiger after most of the other visitors at the zoo had left. The zoo now plans to install surveillance cameras. In this day and age, I'm surprised they didn't already have them to protect the animals from theft, harm, etc. during the night. There are lots of creepy people out there.
I agree with this. It can take time to find the right meds,
and you are being very affected by his difficulties, so I think you should go together. Men are very resistant to opening up, but you have a child, so that may help motivate you to try to see him through this. I know you have endured it for a long time, but he is going to need help to come out of this. See if Christian marriage counseling is available; you could actually see somebody alone to get support and insights into helping him in addition to going with him to see his therapist.
I'll pray you have the strength to endure and continue to be his soft place to land as he learns to stand up and manage his life like the household leader God wants him to be.
Who wants to be leaking stool all the time?!! Gag!!! Agree with
s
I agree, best ever this time...was so sad to see Rose go home though nm
x
Agree. My TracFone has worked ever time, very
aa
Yes, he's being selfish. When
my Toyota was 15 years old, still running well, but my DH had had 3 new cars in the meantime, when I complained, he quickly switched cars with me and let me drive his newer one. Then a deer hit him in it and totalled it, but he probably drove it for a year. I didn't even have a child to consider. Sounds like your DH is hung up on his image or something, but if you want his conscience to kick in, you might want to avoid yelling about it. If he "forgets," just quietly ask again, gently reminding him he wouldn't want the car to break down, leaving his wife and child stranded.
Selfish
How is it selfish to want to make sure he does not have anymore children? She said that he does not want more children, no matter what happens.
Are you being selfish? The only one being selfish in this sm
is HIM! I am sooooo sorry about this. I wish you were close to me (Columbus, GA area), because we have a very strong support group-system in our church (a very large church with overe 7,000 members) and I know some women going through what you are going through right now.
Your husband doesn't seem to understand that love is not a feeling but a committment. I don't "feel" love for my husband every day - in fact, he does 1 or 2 things that repulse me; BUT, I would never just leave him because I just didn't love him anymore.
Another point is this: Flames and love can be rekindled, no matter what people think. It truly can. I saw a couple get re-married and this woman wanted absolutely nothing to do with her ex anymore. I just saw them recently at a pizza place and they were very happily in love.
Your husband needs help. He has a family and a wife.
But if there is absolutely no way for reconciliation and your closest relative is 20 miles away, then too bad for him. He will make an effort to see those precious kids - remember, this is his doing and not yours. If this is where your family is and they will welcome you and your children, then you must go there. email me if you need anything!
I think this is his selfish way
of trying to keep your daughter from having friends over. It makes me think he wants to do his own thing on the weekends, and is upset that his weekend is taken over by other plans.
If he won't be generous and nice in front of company, then it seems like he needs to go off and do stuff with his buddies when your daughter wants to do something with friends over. He doesn't seem to care about anybody's feelings but his own, so he's not making an effort to make everybody comfortable.
So start by talking to him and asking questions about why he acted that way, and discuss your expectations for offering hospitality to guests. Maybe he's never had any training and has no common sense in the area?
Am I being selfish?
I'm having to undergo some medical testing and my husband has offered to come with me. Now, when he's having medical problems he wants me there and I'm always happy to accompany him. But when I'm getting testing or in the hospital I don't want anybody around. I want to concentrate on what I have to do and not feel like I need to entertain anyone or make conversation, etc. Does anybody else feel this way? I feel like I must be abnormal or something. I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings if I ask him not to come.
Not selfish at all
I think whatever makes you feel more comfortable is what you should do. I think that if you explain it to him the way you just explained it to us he should understand. I'm sure he wants to go to be supportive of you because you are for him, but probably would be happy to do whatever you want. I wish my husband would come for things like that with me but he will not.
IVF is selfish....
With the over-population in the world, I really do not see why in-vitro and any kind of fertility enhancement is necessary. Why is it when someone cannot conceive naturally but wants a baby soooo badly, everyone bends over backwards to accommdate. There are people who would love to have a liver transplant, heart transplant, reconstructive surgery, but I don't see anyone being catered to for those reasons. I really am hesitant to say this, but I will, and that is that anyone who would go through IVF procedures and spend that much time and money (or insurance money) to satisfy their need to bring a human being into the world for their sheer pleasure, in my opinon, would not be ideal parents anyway. It sounds simply selfish and narcissistic. And I would not want to be a child conceived in vitro. Just my opinion. Attempts to convince me otherwise are welcomed. Maybe I'm missing something. And the fact that insurance is paying for IVF is just wrong, totally wrong.
I don't think IVF is selfish for those that truly need it - sm
my sister-in-law and brother were fertility challenged. It took her two years to get pregnant the regular way. My brother having a low sperm count did not help the situation either. She then had a myriad of family issues come up with her parents and put off trying to have another child for 5 years or so. Again, she just could not get pregnant. They finally went to a fertility clinic and they tried everything possible but IVF as their insurance would not pay for it. They still ended up putting out tons of money for what insurance would not cover. (so not everyone's insurance will pay for IVF) She still never conceived after drugs, daily injections, ovulation kits, etc. They tried for 2-3 years again with no luck. At this point she was 47/48 (My brother is 5 years younger) or so and they gave up. She really wanted another child but will obviously have to content herself with the one she has. I am sure it does not help her to hear that, well at least you had the one baby, many don't even have that....which is true of course, but she was very depressed for a long time while she came to terms with it. I just wish she had started trying again sooner, as I think she would have had a better chance then, since she had age and fertility issues against her as it was. But thankfully my newphew is a great kid with a good head on his shoulders and they are my kid's legal guardians as well if my DH and I are ever killed/die together, so I know they have a good family to go to if ever necessary.
Why are men so selfish?
I get so sick and tired of my husband never listening to what I want to do. It is always his way or the highway. Last April, we lost our home and were foreclosed on. Our credit is ruined. The place we are living at now is in my MIL's name. The lease is up next month. My husband wants to move again. He says he doesn't like it here. (He does not like anywhere we live.) Our 2 year anniversary is next month and we have already lived in 3 different places. I am so sick and tired of moving. He cannot be satisfied. I told him last night that I think we should stay here for another year so that it will give me time to rebuild our credit up some and save up money for us to move. He still wants to move. I told him we are not going to have enough money to pay for a deposit and the 1st month's rent. (I can never save any money with him because he spends soooo much) He said well i guess we will just have to go without for a while. Or he always wants to rely on his mom. I told him that I don't want to depend on her. So then he told me, "Well, I AM moving." So that is that i guess. I have to do whatever he wants even though my plan is a lot safer and makes more sense. His mom does not want to help us this time. Can we rent a place when we both have terrible terrible credit? Have any of you had to deal with this? I just want to strangle my husband. He is so spoiled and selfish and never ever listens to me.
you are selfish
you are offended because you are selfish. Stop taking your own emotional temperature so often, turn off the computer and go talk to your son.
How is she selfish?
I think what she did was so unselfish...her husband beat her, that situation in itself is not good for children to be around ever...her husband clearly has other things to "DO" and has not called the children since she left...like I said you obviously have no children or you would have a tad bit of sympathy...
Unless the husband is a very selfish - sm
SOB, he will understand that the child comes first. Yes, I agree you should not neglect your husband by giving all your time and attention to the child, but at the same time he must understand that when you do have free time, you won't be using it to massage his ego (or wherever else) as you will probably be too tired. Taking care of a baby is very tiring though it is not hard unless you have a colicky baby. What little time you do get to yourself (when they nap) you will probably nap yourself (I did sometimes) as you will be beat. Yes, your relationship will change with your husband, and some get weirded out by seeing their child be born and won't get near you for a while; Freud could explain it. Mine got a bit weird but it only lasted a couple months; he was much better the second time around (plus he did not see #2 be born so I think that helped); he was home taking care of #1; mom was with me. Both my husband and I put the kids first, though lately (finally) we have been trying to get out more on our own now that they are older (7 & 9); so we have the occasional date now (once every 3 months or so) which is crucial to maintaining your relationship though I'd recommend more often if possible (i.e. once or twice a month would be nice). I would not overly worry about that aspect of things, just keep your common sense and you will be fine.
He is selfish, that's why, and will not change! nm
/
You sound very selfish.
You wouldn't be where you are today without her, so deal with it. It's your own guilt you're dealing with. My mother had two hips and two knees done and I helped her every time all while working on-site part-time and at home part-time with two little ones. Well, she died 2 years ago, and I miss her so. My kids miss her more. I only wish I could have her interrupt me one more time so I could thank you for all she's done.
Selfish parents
People are selfish these days...no one wants to be bothered with their own kids...and before you think I am TOO old, I am only 49 with 18 and 24 year old sons. I've been involved in all their things all their lives...that is why I had children. A DD too sounds like she resents having to help her children with homework and extracurricular activities. That is the price you pay for the joy of raising your children...get over it. My dh and I have been active in our kids sports and school all their lives and it just shocks me at how many people give their 8-10 year olds $20 and tell them go play somewhere while they are out at a hockey rink, or school gym and these are the kids causing trouble or running around like banchees. Someone could snatch them up at any time and then they'd be wringing their hands and crying. Also I'm shocked that kids cannot make change without a calculor or don't know how to spell or read very well. Before my kids started kindergarten they knew their numbers, colors, letters, could print their name and could read some words, because my husband and I spent the time with them to teach them, spent time WITH them. that is what you do when you're a parent...sorry but this is my biggest pet peeve about parents today.
You are not selfish at all, but I would say to wait (sm)
Wait until you know if you want children or not. You really should not get married, no matter how much you love this guy, until you know the answer to that. Because it is a very important factor. If he wants children and later you realize you do not, that will be a big, big, big stumbling block in your marriage and one that neither one can honestly give in on. For me, I was late 20s and suddenly every time I saw a Pampers commercial I would cry because I wanted a child so badly. LOL! I don't think that happens to everyone who wants to be a parent though! :) Just picture yourself 10 years from now...do you want to be pursuing your career heavily? Do you want the responsibility of children? Do you see them as a job or a gift? If you can visualize yourself 5 or 10 years from now, you can see what you want. Meanwhile...go to a nursery at church or to a friend's house who has babies and spend some time with them, hold them and play with them and see if you feel the urge to have some of your own. If not, it is not selfish at all, it is just how you feel and what you want. But to marry him knowing that he wants children when you are not sure if you do would be definitely a selfish thing to do. Try to figure that out before you tie the knot. Best wishes to you :-)
I hate that selfish
crap
Why is it selfish to have a child and not be making
at least 100,000 a year? Are you serious?!
We have 2 children and do not make quite that on combined salaries, but are very blessed in what we do have. Our children are happy and participate in activities outside the home, are well taken care of and have all the things they need and most of what they want. Last time I checked, having a kid and keeping them happy wasn't about keeping up with the Joneses. That is a warped sense of belonging that too many people have nowadays. Parents too who then pass it on to their kids. It's quite sad, really.
My first thought is that it is kind of selfish
that you would not do it just in case something happens with the two of you and you want more children. What if something happens and his next wife wants more children, even though he says now HE doesn't? Just my observation :)
That is one of the most selfish things I have ever heard. nm
nm
Her mother is a selfish woman who wants nothing but her deceased daughter's money....
she was booed at her daugther's funeral because she tried to stop the whole thing, once again, while they were in the procession of going to the chapel...she is a horrid woman as far as i am concerned...i feel bad that she lost her daugther and grandson but other than that she can crawl back under the rock that she came out of...
Well I too have been there,felt that, got OUT : )
x
I know how she felt!
I keep looking behind blinds and checking the windows, etc. I think I will keep looking over my shoulder for quite some time. I just wish I knew how it got in! My step-father got a chuckle out of it, but understands. I asked him tonight if it will ever happen again. He smiled and said, maybe. I said when? He smiled and said . . maybe tonight!!
I felt the same way!
I though the ending was very disappointing! I hope he goes on to write more books about these characters because that will make it worth my while. I read this when it first came out in September. After reading The Quickie, this You've Been Warned left a lot to be desired for sure.
Ha! Most of us have felt that way before, (sm)
but I think there are solutions for everything a dog does.
Cats are the really tricky pets IMO. :oD
How I felt when my Dad did it to me
I will not tell how many years ago this has been, but believe me it has been quite a few. My father believed in spanking, using a hairbrush and using the belt. I had three brothers and we all got a dose of each of this method of discipline, and today it still bothers me and brings me to tears when I think about it. I was not a bad kid, just the opposite, but my younger brother and I did not agree a lot of the time. It is bad enough when any child has that kind of punishment, but when you use this on a girl, I believe it does carry an emotional scar for the rest of your life, and I believe it does not teach your children anything in the way of how to handle problems, and how it must feel when a person in authority in their lives can carry out this inhumane act and it is okay, but let a child rebel in this manner toward someone else and they wonder what is wrong with the child, well we are teaching them this is perfectly acceptable to do, and there is nothing a child can do about it. This is the ultimate form of humiliation for a child, and nothing can justify to me that it is right. I know when my father took a hairbrush and belt to my brother and I, I never felt worse in my life. I felt anger, humiliation and just felt like the most unloved person in this world,and being the age I was I did not think it was appropriate that my father treat me this way, and not especially in front of my brother, who I felt terrible for also. Those chldren also depend on their parents for protection, and when a stranger can be given authority to do this, your child is devastated. Discipline, I believe, belongs at home, and there is a better way than this.
I too felt as you did.
I wanted to address the part about being a hypocrite and eating meat. I felt the same way as you do about this. I was a huge carnivore until I was 38, but always dreamed of being animal flesh free. I then went to an animal rights conference and forced myself to watch the undercover videos of the slaughter houses and that is what it took for me to stop. It was hard but so worth it.
I once heard Alicia Silverstone say something to the effect if you can only eliminate one meat at a time that would be a way to start. But if you can't then you try to help the animals in other ways such as fostering as you tried. Fosterers are heros, I can't do it as I have huge issues about letting them go too like your daughter. We all just need to do what we can do. I haven't given up wearing leather shoes, though want to, but I say I am doing my part and when I can I will. I also still do dairy and hope to one day be totally vegan. Just know that if you are trying and helping to be a voice for the animals that is all you can do and try to move towards a more humane way of life in all areas of your life as you are able.
When people say to me, well the dairy cows are the most cruely treated, why are you eating dairy, I say "I am doing what I can for them at this moment, in the future when I can do more I will, but I am doing my part by eliminating meat. Good luck to you Trose, and thanks for helping the animals.
I felt the same way -- sm
What Harrison (#92) did was wrong. He should have been ejected from the game. Most of my family and friends are Steelers fans and we all felt the same way. I'm happy for the rest of the Steelers. Ben's just a phenomenal QB. I hope Harrison receives some sort of penalty to his wallet for that one.
I must say, though, from the getgo my heart was torn between the 2 teams. I was never a Cardinals fan, but then I read Warner's (QB) story and he just seems like a great guy. I hope he hangs in there for another year. It was reported last night that win or lose he would be contemplating retirement.
I also felt like someone was behind me
and I could not turn to see them. I just knew I was awake, knew 1 time on the couch and even to make myself know I was awake tried counting something, threads in the couch, cracks in the ceiling, who knows, years ago but this is without a doubt the most horrifying thing. I knew a monster was behind me, could not turn to see, could not speak, I hope it never happens again.
I felt the same way about it...sm
I was hoping for something outrageously goofy yet touching, like that musical episode they had a few seasons back.
I felt nauseous until about 1 p.m. every day (sm)
and that lasted about the first three months. What really helped me was sucking on peppermints. I did this with both pregnancies and it was the only thing that made me feel better.
Congratulations and good luck to you!
been there, felt that, got counseling
We had been married about 15 years when I began to feel that way about my husband. We do not have kids, so let me tell you that I had little motivation to even want to try to work on things. Hubby suggested counseling (both group and just the two of us). After about a month of this and reading a few books at home I felt 100% better and those feelings of nearly hating him for no apparent reason went away. We worked hard on communication, which we had let slip over the years, during which time I harbored all kinds of hurts and resentments for things he had no clue were even making me upset, mad, disgusted, you name it. We will be celebrating our 24th anniversary this year and cannot be happier, so it CAN be done with hard work. You have first got to put your relationship as priority 1! Please do not just walk away without first trying everything you can!
When I had trouble, it felt like a really...sm
sharp, hard pinch along my sternum. I was given Motrin. I did have a workup first before the doctor decided on costochondritis - EKG, treadmill, echo. I do have mitral valve prolapse.
Well I'm sure she'd do the cooking if she felt up to it.
We can't decide for others when they are going to throw a party, though she seems to be thrusting one on you!
Poor kid.... I felt bad for him
I agree that he surely didn't measure up vocally to the others. He seems like a nice kid, though, and even most adults couldn't take being talked about the way he has been. I really felt for him up there. I hope he has a lot of fun when they're on tour. I think he's going to be getting the biggest reaction from the crowds.
Yeah, I felt bad for him too.
I think his tears showed just how much pressure he's been under all these weeks. He never did anything wrong. It was the judges who let him through that started this mess. He is just a kid after all wanting like all the other contestants to win. While I'm glad he's gone, I still don't wish him any ill will. Just those idiots at Vote for the Worst. They've got to go!
The ONLY one I have ever felt for in their case is....
Years of therapy due to what both of her parents have done. THEY have done it - nobody else - and the child is COMPLETELY innocent at 11....
In these cases, it's only the children who suffer...and these 2 nutcases should definitely know better, not like they are ill-educated and/or ignorant throughout the life.
Evidently they both need parenting classes and anger management classes....they have both created a very bad emotional situation for their daughter and personally she should probably be removed from their homes (possibly placed with a grandparent or some other relative) until these 2 nutcases CHOOSE to get themselves together.
LOL! I felt the same way. I thought SM
there for a minute she was gonna fall off that
HOT TAMALE TRAIN!!!!! 
Wow -- after that post -- I actually felt
like I just got a massage. My hubs bought me a GC for a massage this past spring but I haven't used it yet. I'm waiting until a little closer to the holidays when I'll probably need it the most. At least now, I don't feel so funny about getting it.
I felt the same way about Rose.
She got stuck with a crappy group and had to pay for it. I liked voice and her a lot.
I have long felt
that all of these things should be legalized and controlled but available. The drugs should be available through drug outlets (so the safety could be controlled), prostitution should be licensed (so that health can be safe-guarded), all should be taxed and produced by licensed manufacturers (to ensure save procedures).
Laws should prohibit driving or performing any critical function while under the influence (many drug-users would have to accept that it takes longer to get past those affects than it does for alcohol (according to current research), minors must still be restricted from their use. At least some of the money realized from the taxes and the license fees should be devoted to helping people to stop using any of these things and an educational program should be undertaken to truthfully explain the hazards of usage.
I don't enjoy drugs (including marajuana and alcohal) and would never look forward to not being in complete control of my actions. I don't want my friends to use them either. But to forbid it is not reasonable and only encourages those who are determined, to break the law and undulge in practices that are even MORE unsafe because there is no one to oversee that they are properly done.
I feel pretty darned good, all on my own and perfer to handle that end myself.
I moved from CA to WA and I felt very...
welcome. Maybe it is more perception than anything, but I miss my Washington neighbors very much since I left. They were great people.
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