I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
Posted By: regrets on 2007-03-02
In Reply to: funerals are for the living - sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
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I like my daughter-in-law,son-in-law AND mother-in-law - sm
I dont do anything special. I do all those things you said for my kids and sometimes I let them struggle. So they never know what to expect. I can be smothering and also sometimes protective of my time and personal issues. I just be me! My MIL happens to be very nice!
Try to not do SO much. When they expect it, they never appreciate it! Shock em - do your own thing and be LESS available!
How many mother's would not alienate themselves from a daughter like that?
Anna had the luxury of the spotlight and cameras and painted her own *probably delusional* picture of her mother. Anna was obviously an embarrasment and disgrace to that family from way back between the stripping, heavy drugging, marrying an 87-year-old man for money, having a disturbing reality show and being caught on camera completely wasted. Sadly, the only thing she made of herself was a spectacle.
The mother of the daughter I talked about
has been heard to say, "I love her, but I don't LIKE her."
Some thoughts from a daughter of a permissive mother
Do not be permissive, not about the drinking, not about the unknown friends, etc. Take it from someone who had a permissive mother. My friends all thought I had it made when I was a teenager. I smoked and drank and my mother looked the other way. I went where I wanted when I wanted and had no parents tracking me down. What everyone didn't know is that deep inside, I was deeply depressed and thought I just wasn't worth the trouble. Send a clear message to your daughter that she is valuable to you and worthy of your effort. There is no limit to the calamities that could befall her. Let your fear be honed to a sharp blade of anger; anger is power. Your daughter should NOT be more powerful than you.
Also, you really should tell her father. He has a right to know.
Her mother is a selfish woman who wants nothing but her deceased daughter's money....
she was booed at her daugther's funeral because she tried to stop the whole thing, once again, while they were in the procession of going to the chapel...she is a horrid woman as far as i am concerned...i feel bad that she lost her daugther and grandson but other than that she can crawl back under the rock that she came out of...
I totally relate..my daughter AND my mother are driving me insane.
It's funny you should mention Melodie Beattie as I went online today to look for support groups and someone mentioned that book. When I saw the description of "copendency" it fit my daughter..in EVERY category, and I know that I, of course, fell into the "enabler" category. Between my daughter calling 15 times a day and my mother..I am ready to move away and let someone else deal with them for a while. In a way, my mother is like my daughter..she also calls for money. Ironically, she does not like my daughter because of what my daughter has put me through. Funny how she doesn't realize that she does the same thing..emotional manipulation..guilt trips. I just want to be mentally free from them, and for this, I am getting help. They have drug me into depression, along with them. They are both bipolar and I think I am almost there with them, because one minute I feel so happy and positive..and then they call..and I'm depressed. I pray for strength..Thanks for your kind words. I can't help them anymore but I can save myself.
My 14-year-old is going to be a mother-in-law (so funny) if you google it and 11-year-old daughter
x
Your daughter is in for a baaaad life if she
Selfish jerk
I agree with this. Also the mother cannot control what
as long as the child is in no danger, the mother does not get to call the shots when she is with her father. I have seen my brothers go through stuff with their ex-wives that makes me so made. If fact, the more the mother makes an issue of it, the more the father may want to do it, especially if they had a bitter divorce. Also from a father's prospective, if he only has a limited amount of time with the child, it may not be about competing as much as making her time with him memorable.
Also it sounds as if he has alway been this way, as stated she was always the "heavy" and what makes the mother think he is going to change now?
Hopefully they can put aside their differences and do what is best for the child, that is all we can hope in these situations.
I agree. She is less a mother, than a manager and
xxx
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
I so agree...mother of 3 healthy kids
I have a similar relative who would NEVER let anyone around her girls when they were babies, whether we were sick or not. No one was allowed to even hold them. Those babies grew up to be 2 of the sickest kids I ever saw.
I agree with this poster's mother - it is difficult
Things have changed a lot and obviously it is easier now than it was when I did it (dated someone from a different race)- but there are sometimes huge cultural differences, not only in different races but in same race from very different parts of the country. A lot of traditions that you find important - someone very culturally different (same for religion for that matter) may not. You have to be thick skinned and very committed. A good partner is hard to find.
I agree. My mother is a drug addict and lost custody of me
and I went to live with my grandmother so both of them have less than stellar parenting skills. You can't choose your family but you can choose who you let into your life.
I agree. We are considering our daughter's lives here....
NM
I agree with you totally. This is not about my daughter
the above poster was responding to my question about what happened. I truely think she should have a face to face with the pricipal or superintendant.
I agree PAMT, I also have a teenage daughter
as well as 5 teenage nieces and that is why I asked the poster to elaborate on her post. See mine below.
Whatever my mother-in-law and mother are cooking--lol
we go to my in-laws for Christmas Eve and usually have ham and kielbasa (we are Polish) and then my mom usually has turkey or roasted chicken on Christmas Day
I agree, paddling is barbaric and, according to your daughter, is ineffective
Even she would rather have it than ISS, thusly restriction of freedom is a greater punishment than pain. I am with you, I don't know why this is still in effect. I also live in the south and have to write a letter every year stating my child is not allowed to be paddled. Believe me he would MUCH rather be paddled than have the Xbox Live and TV taken away from him!!!
I totall agree too. I have a 15yo daughter and i would never snoop unless i felt there was reason.
trust is trust. she has build up my trust and given me no reason not to trust her. i'm sorry but i think reading through emails and snooping just goes too far unless you have reason to suspect something. i do glance through myspace occasionally, but would never read every email. i don't even know her passwords. i think if you are at the point you need to read through every email your child does, you need to reevaluate your relationship and parenting skills. bash me if you wish, but don't be too strict or you can push your children the opposite way to where they will never talk to you and have an open relationship with you. trust is simply trust and should be earned. look at an adult relationship. it isn't a very well relationship if you can't have trust. should be the same with children.
mother in-law help sm
Ok, so here is what is going on. My mother in-law fell down some stairs and broke her leg. She did not have insurance. She had not been to a doctor in 27 years. She has been in the hospital for about 4 days. They had to do surgery and things are looking good. She will have to have rehab for a few months, use a walker and so on. Well, guess who they ask to take care of her for the next few months? The "stay-at-home" mom who has all the free time in the world haha (not to mention I have a 3 year old who stays at home with me and a busy 6 year old in school). This would consist of me taking her to the restroom, bathing, changing dressings, helping with rehab exercises, not to mention working 8 hours a day and making sure my 3 year old doesn't climb on her. I feel bad for saying no, but I think that they should feel bad for asking me. She has 5 children. I feel that it is way too much responsibility for me to take on and that it absurd that they asked me. Aren't there facilities where she can go at least for the 1st month? Please help, just need advise.
And for anyone who wants to say "if it was your mother..." Believe it or not, in June MY mother fell down some stairs and broke her ankle. I was at her house every afternoon and we had people come in multiple times daily to check on her. However, the mother in-law is about 25 years older and the extent of the injury is greater. I would have never asked my husband to take care of her and help her do these things.
My mother-in-law
My mother-in-law keeps giving my Longaberger baskets for b-days and Christmas. She loves these baskets and has over 100. She visits the factory several times a year, (about a 4 1/2 hour drive) and often takes the female family members with her. These baskets are beautiful but I am just not a basket person. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but these baskets are expensive and I have over 20. When I tried to mention to her as politely as possible that I just don't need any more baskets, she told me that she often changes hers out so she can enjoy them all. I would much rather have sheets, bath towels, cookware, or even a gift certificate for dinner. My hubby and I have been married 19 years, have to children, and have a very good relationship with my mother-in-law. She is a fabulous grandmother, but I am really tired of the baskets. Any suggestions?
I also have MVP and so does my mother...
so I don't know if there is a correlation or not between the two...
My mother's cat
looked like it had mange and when I asked the vet about it he said he had never seen a cat with mange. A friend told my mom that cats are extremely allergic to poinsettas and my mother had one sitting in the cat's favorite window. After she threw out the flower the cat got better very quickly. 
It's up to your mother-in-law to keep them in the
them. Your sister-in-law should not even bring them over there anymore in my opinion. If your mother-in-law's gate cannot hold them in for sure, then she absolutely should not watch them.
Your sister-in-law sounds selfish to me, so point out to her that it is unsafe for her OWN animals to be out running free, as anyone would have the right to shoot them if they were on their property threatening them. Maybe then she will care! Plus she (or you mom-in-law) could be sued if the dogs injure or kill someone or someone's animals. Not to mention they would have to live with that for the rest of their lives.
Having seen my own mother do a 180
since the death of my own dad 3-1/2 years ago and learning the hard way from things that have happened - I would just keep my mouth shut and say nothing and do nothing.
mother . ..
This may not be comforting to you, but I wish my mom (also 80) would do something like that. I think she would enjoy the company, and the activities. We have an awesome ALF here in our town; it's like a mini city!!!! Be glad she is making this decision for you and that you don't have to push her. She may benefit tremendously from this!!!!
My mother once said and she was right...sm
tis better to raise children in a happy divorced home than a miserable married one.
I divorced my kids father and within 3 years, all of us were in a much better place and now, 16 years later, this still holds true!!! This, I swear!!
I really have to believe that my Mother is up there
watching over her grandchildren. She lived for those kids and that truely was one of the things that hurt me the most when she died so suddenly. My niece is leaving for college in Aug. My son got his license and did very well in the state Forensics competition. Little things like that are the things that she would have been so proud of. I know my mother was a christian but I just hope that she is able to see us here on earth. Thank you for your response.
what was his mother like?
?
My mother does this to me!
She does it all the time and it's infuriating!!! She interrupts my sentence by finishing it herself and it drives me absolutely crazy. I've asked her nicely, I've asked her rudely, it still continues and I have just given up. She's not going to change, especially at her age. Sometimes when she interrupts me, I'll just stop talking altogether and that's the end of the conversation. Try turning the tables and doing it to your boyfriend incessantly and see if he gets the point.
I feel your pain!!
For Mother's Day...sm
my wonderful DIL made me a CD from pictures of my two sons from tiny baby up to my older son's wedding (my younger son was Best Man). Her choice of music and pictures were all just perfect. I LOVE IT!
I wish my mother would be
I don't think I'd be so hip on her folding my panties, lol, but seriously it sounds like she has very good intentions. My MIL lives out-of-state and I wish she lived closer so I could spend more time with her. We all have our quirks. I would love it if my MIL or my own mother took the initiative to check my children's homework, etc. It would be different I suppose if she lived across the street from you but since she is that far away, I'd let her enjoy herself. Had she gone through YOUR MAIL or something private like that, I would be concerned.
My own mother does this
I have told her especially when H is here especially to knock first. She never seems to get the message through her head. 
mother
Do we have the same mother? You have to be my sister - I have a very wonderful mother. The only problem is, I cannot seem to please her - EVER. She is a person who is constantly doing and giving, so people think she is a saint. Only with me is bitter, hates the Holidays, hates the whole gift thing, decorating, etc. I absolutely love to decorate, but gifts, fancy wrapping, etc. I keep telling myself she won't be here forever, and try to "play nice" but sometimes could just scream "Okay, I get it - I will never be pious enough or frugal enough (unless the Q gets any worse) for you." Anyway, don't feel alone. I feel your pain. Have a wonderful holiday season and if you get any more frustrated, email me - we can trade frustrations.
My mother used this when I was a kid
and I saw some in the store just the other day, smiled to myself, brings back memories.
Of course, he does. But what would your mother
x
Mother's Day!
 I met my daughter for lunch Saturday and it was great! Unfortunately she live about 35 miles away and traffic was horrendous. But all worth it of course. Sunday at church and hanging out with some friends - great weekend!
my mother-in-law and I SM
we actually do look alot alike, and people often assume I am her daughter. On the other hand, we are total opposites in personality.
If her mother was like this...sm
Then I guess she just inherited this disposition unfortunately. God knows why they bred this dog if it was this bad that they had to put it down 6 months after having pups. I hate you had that experience. I wish you could have had a good experience with your pit. But I understand.
what my mother always did sm
she sent us outside with disposable tshirts, to suck the goodies out of the pomegranetes. very staining and nasty for kids clothing, but delicious. it was a ritual.
I'm with the other mother...
If you don't like your grandkids, don't baby sit. I have a child, whom I think is wonderful. I resent anyone telling me that I am not parenting the way they would. You raised your kids and it is time to let your daughter do the same. I am sure that she is not trying to ruin her children. How would you have felt if this criticism were coming to you instead of from you?
when I became a mother
I put up with every single drop of crap until I became a mother. I could not stand up for myself, but I could stand up for my child.
But, it is something her mother is against and that is
having sex prior to being married. Her mother also was against teaching forms of birth control in the Alaska schools. Her mother would condone if others- I guess her daughter is an exception. There is no good reason now for a girl to get pregnant- too much birth control out there. Besides, what a way to start- neither kid has finished their education, no one has a job, shotgun wedding- if there is one, won't last. I guess Levi and Bristol could work with the guy's mother in her meth lab.
Our Mother
My mother has 4 daughters, 22 years between the first daughter and the last. Each time a daughter marries, the mother tries to come between the couple by getting the daughter to say bad things about the husband and leave him. She unfortunately has had two bad marriages herself, but is still married to the second husband despite his infidelities. With each marriage, the pressure is applied earlier to the daughter.
We are now on the marriage of the third daughter. She had been married for 90 days and the pressure is being applied pretty severely for her to leave her new husband and move back home with mother.
The first daughter has not spoken to mother for 14 years due to this compulsive behavior. The second daughter fell for it once and doesn't want to be divorced again, and is actually relieved there is another target.
Loyalty to mother is the only acceptable behavior. Daughter number two is not convinced daughter number three will be able to take the heat.
Anybody know about these things?
If I were the G-mother, I'd run away - very far
certifiably rubber-room material.
The obstetrician who delivered the letter should've done the world a favor, and surreptitiously tied her tubes.
This had to do with my mother but will just say
her nephew, her sister's son, was dyslexic when he was young. My mother from what I have been told, made fun of him, calling him retarded, etc. This cousin grew up to own his own company, build and invent things, had a brillant mind. He might not have been able to spell and/or learn his ABCs but the end result was someone of superior intelligence.
your mother
I have said it before and I will say it again. Your mother needs to handle your dad. She should feel guilty/responsible/etc. Not you. He isn't trying to get is milk for free. (pun intended), he wants your mom to take him back. This isn't even about you!
Son and mother's day
My son is nearly 40, has a very good IT computer job. He's never been good about remembering my birthday, mother's day or christmas. Usually his wife would cover for him, not always, but enough that I didn't usually say anything or complain if one of these occasions were missed. However, he and his wife have split up and now I realize that I don't even get a card or a phone call on any of these occasions! Nothing. In the past I had thought about "forgetting" his birthday once in a while, but now I am so mad that I feel like never sending him another card with money, etc. But then I think that he is still my son and just because he can't be bothered to call or send a card on my birthday, or on mother's day or at christmas that I should just let it go and not be a petty person and go ahead and continue with my remembrances.
Thoughts?
Son and Mother's Day
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I have a son (my youngest) who is the same way. He did not come over today. He called me this morning and talked 2 minutes. A couple of weeks ago, I fell and hurt my wrist (thought I broke it). My daughter called him and asked him if he could take me to the hospital. He said he and his girlfriend were out shopping and stuff, and he didn't have time to do it. I was so hurt. Thank goodness I only badly sprained my wrist, but that is beside the point. Once when I was younger, and I was helping a lady who had bone cancer, her husband told me about children "when they are young, they break your heart, and when they are grown, they step on it." I told myself "not my children. They would never forget about me." I understand what he was saying now.
As far as presents and cards on birthdays and such for children who don't remember you, I will not remember them. My daughter did not have much money to spend, but she bought me a humming bird feeder and some flip-flops, and she and her husband and children came over and spent the day with me. My oldest son bought me a hanging basket and spent the day with me. Them I will remember.
Mother's Day
You teach people how to treat you.
When I first got married, my husband would act like my birthday, mother's day, anything that had to do with me was a big problem for him. His excuse was that I was hard to buy for. So I told him what's good for me is good for him. I did not do anything for his birthday, Father's Day, etc for 1 year and he was really upset. We haven't had a problem since. Yesterday I received cards, candy, he made dinner for me and the kids cleaned up. It was a good day.
If things like this are important to you, you have to make it clear to your kids/husband. Otherwise, go on strike and quit doing for them for a while. They will get the message loud and clear.
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