I agree. She is less a mother, than a manager and
Posted By: look at the result. on 2007-12-19
In Reply to: Perhaps if mother Spears spent more time - what a family!
xxx
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I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
I agree with this. Also the mother cannot control what
as long as the child is in no danger, the mother does not get to call the shots when she is with her father. I have seen my brothers go through stuff with their ex-wives that makes me so made. If fact, the more the mother makes an issue of it, the more the father may want to do it, especially if they had a bitter divorce. Also from a father's prospective, if he only has a limited amount of time with the child, it may not be about competing as much as making her time with him memorable.
Also it sounds as if he has alway been this way, as stated she was always the "heavy" and what makes the mother think he is going to change now?
Hopefully they can put aside their differences and do what is best for the child, that is all we can hope in these situations.
I so agree...mother of 3 healthy kids
I have a similar relative who would NEVER let anyone around her girls when they were babies, whether we were sick or not. No one was allowed to even hold them. Those babies grew up to be 2 of the sickest kids I ever saw.
I agree with this poster's mother - it is difficult
Things have changed a lot and obviously it is easier now than it was when I did it (dated someone from a different race)- but there are sometimes huge cultural differences, not only in different races but in same race from very different parts of the country. A lot of traditions that you find important - someone very culturally different (same for religion for that matter) may not. You have to be thick skinned and very committed. A good partner is hard to find.
I agree. My mother is a drug addict and lost custody of me
and I went to live with my grandmother so both of them have less than stellar parenting skills. You can't choose your family but you can choose who you let into your life.
No, but my last manager was one
and once I figured out she was the whole problem with our office and those above her liked her that way, I got out.
She could not be trusted to do the right thing because all she cared about was how she looked, not on how well everybody was working together and providing care for patients. I could not believe how disrespectfully she talked to people to get them to fear her so they would obey her and she could feel important.
That kind of person is a nightmare to deal with.
I can't imagine being married to her. If I witnessed her husband pushing her off a cliff, I think I'd tell the police she fell, LOL.
Yep, that described that manager
I had perfectly. You can start doubting your own sanity when you're under a person like that, because they often are VERY sneaky with their techniques.
no she was the manager there
out the food that would go bad so it was allowed. They were also allowed to order food to bring home that they paid for themselves, such as single serving pizzas. This was also many years ago, i'm sure things may be different by now, depending on the people in charge.
I too am a manager and I don't work on those
days. I have them off. I make it CLEAR that those 2 days a year are MINE WITH MY FAMILY. They are THE ONLY 2 days a year that I am with my entire family. I am available every single day other than that.
Now, speaking as a manager who has also been an MT, there are different situations in every MT's life and there are always situations where there are MTs without families who would prefer to work. I do NOT think it should be mandatory to cover those days but a good manager would ask for volunteers to cover those days WAY AHEAD OF TIME to be sure the time is covered.
I have never had a problem getting someone to volunteer those days. I am **on call by phone** on those days if needed, but not actively working. I can be with my family with assurance that I can enjoy those family days.
Sounds like the manager was never an MT...
or totally forgot what it's like to be new. We've all been there. You just happened to have quite the "understanding" and "encouraging" manager. (Might we suggest a few managerial people skills??) It's a million times better to relisten and ask questions than type lots of junk! Puh-leez!!!
My husband was a co-manager at
a store, and when a juvenile would be caught shoplifting, they would be taken to the store office and talked to, and depending on his impressions, he would often tell the teenager that he was going to have to call his or her parents. The kids were usually HORRIFIED and would ask if he wouldn't call the police instead. The parents were always very relieved that he handled it the way he did. That's why I said that.
One kid stole Visine. My husband had to break the news that it probably meant the child was smoking marijuana and trying to hide his bloodshot eyes with Visine. That was one sad boy!
The salesman/job manager promised much more
than his workers could deliver. For one thing, the bottom of the cabinets wasn't straight. It had never been noticed with the old cabinets, but apparently the line wasn't perfect with the original cabinets, and the installers didn't handle the problem correctly with their work, and the line came out all choppy or something. They didn't speak English, so without the job manager there constantly, the workers just kept plugging away instead of stopping to get instructions when problems came up. They left unfinished edges in certain places. Dad had to have certain things redone. I don't know all the details, but my perfectionist older sister saw the work when they first finished and she was livid. I think Sears overcharges anyway.
You think that is bad, one time I had a manager of a Pathmark
throw her clipboard at me and hit me in the head! They had a sign up stating if more than 3 people are in line we will open another register. Well, they didn't, and I went to the courtesy desk to ask for the manager.
She told me they didn't have the staff. I said, then you should take down the sign. She said she could not do that. I said, well, then what about YOU getting on a register, you don't seem to be all that busy.
I guess I hit a nerve but how shocking. Obviously she was nuts.
And I am so stupid because I didn't even call the cops and I should have, probably could have owned part of Pathmark ;)
LOL
That's strange! I was once approached by a store manager (sm)
Who came up and asked if I needed helpshopping. I said, "no, why?" He said are you feeling okay, we can get someone to help you shop. People stopped and were staring. I had my baby in a stroller in front of me and I just took the things I was going to buy out and put them on the shelf and said, "no thanks, I'm leaving." Got to my car and realized I had glitter from some Christmas decorations I had been looking at all over my face! I had been sick and had just ventured back out so I was looking weak and pale and glittery! I didn't go back in that store for over a year!
An office manager earlier in my career...
... those of you who have been around long enough will know the type... the polyester queen who'd started with the doctor when he opened his practice in 1951, and she used to work until 11 o'clock every night, keeping things caught up, but never put in for OT pay, and because she had done it, she expected the rest of us to do it too.... Labor laws? We don't need no stinkin' labor laws.... (No, we didn't stay one minute past closing time. We didn't let her guilt us into it.)
When I started at the job, I was promised a raise in a certain amount after 3 months. I got half the amount, and I was too chicken to raise a stink. Later, my finances got so tight, I went to her to tell her if I didn't get a raise, I was going to lose my apartment and have to move back in with my parents. She claimed she asked the doctors, came back, and told me I'd have to move back home. I later found out she never asked the doctors--and that if she had, they'd have granted the raise. Grrrrr.....
My desk was right next to hers, and if my typewriter was silent for more than 5 seconds she'd look over and comment on the fact that I wasn't working. Nevermind that I was looking something up in the Dorland's at the time....
Many, many years later, I somehow wound up next to her at a retirement party for one of the doctors. She too had long since retired, and I too had moved on, but they invited back any and all of the old staff they could find. By the end of the luncheon I was wondering how on EARTH I sat next to that witch with a capital B for 3 long years and didn't KILL her. Because she was still at it--picked on every single thing I did, including the fact that I ordered steak, because steak isn't for lunch, it's for dinner, and that if you can't afford to pay cash in full for a car, you are not to buy the car, you are to ride the bus to work until you have saved up the full cash price of the car. Then she grabbed my hand and screeched, "Do you bite your nails?"
Come to think of it... it was during that era that I started getting really, really cranky............... :)
Don't have to be a nurse to be a good scheduler, efficient office manager....sm
When I did this type of thing in addition to clinical duties, I knew from common sense that the doc could only see X amount of people, depending on if they were new patients, involved visits with procedures, etc, and planned accordingly. The doctors want to pack the schedule to make more money, and the "girls" (How I hated being called that "my girl") had to go along with it in many cases. But when I was office manager, I made sure I spaced accordingly, because guess who got to leave the office as soon as the last patient (the doctor), and guess who got to clean up examining rooms, clear up doctor's desk, answer all nonessential phone calls for them, close down the office, etc....me! The one making chump change.
doctor's wife who was the receptionist/office manager at his office nm
nm
Whatever my mother-in-law and mother are cooking--lol
we go to my in-laws for Christmas Eve and usually have ham and kielbasa (we are Polish) and then my mom usually has turkey or roasted chicken on Christmas Day
What an awesome post! I agree, agree, agree completely with you.
 You are right on the money in my book!
mother in-law help sm
Ok, so here is what is going on. My mother in-law fell down some stairs and broke her leg. She did not have insurance. She had not been to a doctor in 27 years. She has been in the hospital for about 4 days. They had to do surgery and things are looking good. She will have to have rehab for a few months, use a walker and so on. Well, guess who they ask to take care of her for the next few months? The "stay-at-home" mom who has all the free time in the world haha (not to mention I have a 3 year old who stays at home with me and a busy 6 year old in school). This would consist of me taking her to the restroom, bathing, changing dressings, helping with rehab exercises, not to mention working 8 hours a day and making sure my 3 year old doesn't climb on her. I feel bad for saying no, but I think that they should feel bad for asking me. She has 5 children. I feel that it is way too much responsibility for me to take on and that it absurd that they asked me. Aren't there facilities where she can go at least for the 1st month? Please help, just need advise.
And for anyone who wants to say "if it was your mother..." Believe it or not, in June MY mother fell down some stairs and broke her ankle. I was at her house every afternoon and we had people come in multiple times daily to check on her. However, the mother in-law is about 25 years older and the extent of the injury is greater. I would have never asked my husband to take care of her and help her do these things.
My mother-in-law
My mother-in-law keeps giving my Longaberger baskets for b-days and Christmas. She loves these baskets and has over 100. She visits the factory several times a year, (about a 4 1/2 hour drive) and often takes the female family members with her. These baskets are beautiful but I am just not a basket person. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but these baskets are expensive and I have over 20. When I tried to mention to her as politely as possible that I just don't need any more baskets, she told me that she often changes hers out so she can enjoy them all. I would much rather have sheets, bath towels, cookware, or even a gift certificate for dinner. My hubby and I have been married 19 years, have to children, and have a very good relationship with my mother-in-law. She is a fabulous grandmother, but I am really tired of the baskets. Any suggestions?
I also have MVP and so does my mother...
so I don't know if there is a correlation or not between the two...
My mother's cat
looked like it had mange and when I asked the vet about it he said he had never seen a cat with mange. A friend told my mom that cats are extremely allergic to poinsettas and my mother had one sitting in the cat's favorite window. After she threw out the flower the cat got better very quickly. 
It's up to your mother-in-law to keep them in the
them. Your sister-in-law should not even bring them over there anymore in my opinion. If your mother-in-law's gate cannot hold them in for sure, then she absolutely should not watch them.
Your sister-in-law sounds selfish to me, so point out to her that it is unsafe for her OWN animals to be out running free, as anyone would have the right to shoot them if they were on their property threatening them. Maybe then she will care! Plus she (or you mom-in-law) could be sued if the dogs injure or kill someone or someone's animals. Not to mention they would have to live with that for the rest of their lives.
Having seen my own mother do a 180
since the death of my own dad 3-1/2 years ago and learning the hard way from things that have happened - I would just keep my mouth shut and say nothing and do nothing.
mother . ..
This may not be comforting to you, but I wish my mom (also 80) would do something like that. I think she would enjoy the company, and the activities. We have an awesome ALF here in our town; it's like a mini city!!!! Be glad she is making this decision for you and that you don't have to push her. She may benefit tremendously from this!!!!
My mother once said and she was right...sm
tis better to raise children in a happy divorced home than a miserable married one.
I divorced my kids father and within 3 years, all of us were in a much better place and now, 16 years later, this still holds true!!! This, I swear!!
I really have to believe that my Mother is up there
watching over her grandchildren. She lived for those kids and that truely was one of the things that hurt me the most when she died so suddenly. My niece is leaving for college in Aug. My son got his license and did very well in the state Forensics competition. Little things like that are the things that she would have been so proud of. I know my mother was a christian but I just hope that she is able to see us here on earth. Thank you for your response.
what was his mother like?
?
My mother does this to me!
She does it all the time and it's infuriating!!! She interrupts my sentence by finishing it herself and it drives me absolutely crazy. I've asked her nicely, I've asked her rudely, it still continues and I have just given up. She's not going to change, especially at her age. Sometimes when she interrupts me, I'll just stop talking altogether and that's the end of the conversation. Try turning the tables and doing it to your boyfriend incessantly and see if he gets the point.
I feel your pain!!
For Mother's Day...sm
my wonderful DIL made me a CD from pictures of my two sons from tiny baby up to my older son's wedding (my younger son was Best Man). Her choice of music and pictures were all just perfect. I LOVE IT!
I wish my mother would be
I don't think I'd be so hip on her folding my panties, lol, but seriously it sounds like she has very good intentions. My MIL lives out-of-state and I wish she lived closer so I could spend more time with her. We all have our quirks. I would love it if my MIL or my own mother took the initiative to check my children's homework, etc. It would be different I suppose if she lived across the street from you but since she is that far away, I'd let her enjoy herself. Had she gone through YOUR MAIL or something private like that, I would be concerned.
My own mother does this
I have told her especially when H is here especially to knock first. She never seems to get the message through her head. 
mother
Do we have the same mother? You have to be my sister - I have a very wonderful mother. The only problem is, I cannot seem to please her - EVER. She is a person who is constantly doing and giving, so people think she is a saint. Only with me is bitter, hates the Holidays, hates the whole gift thing, decorating, etc. I absolutely love to decorate, but gifts, fancy wrapping, etc. I keep telling myself she won't be here forever, and try to "play nice" but sometimes could just scream "Okay, I get it - I will never be pious enough or frugal enough (unless the Q gets any worse) for you." Anyway, don't feel alone. I feel your pain. Have a wonderful holiday season and if you get any more frustrated, email me - we can trade frustrations.
My mother used this when I was a kid
and I saw some in the store just the other day, smiled to myself, brings back memories.
Of course, he does. But what would your mother
x
Mother's Day!
I met my daughter for lunch Saturday and it was great! Unfortunately she live about 35 miles away and traffic was horrendous. But all worth it of course. Sunday at church and hanging out with some friends - great weekend!
my mother-in-law and I SM
we actually do look alot alike, and people often assume I am her daughter. On the other hand, we are total opposites in personality.
If her mother was like this...sm
Then I guess she just inherited this disposition unfortunately. God knows why they bred this dog if it was this bad that they had to put it down 6 months after having pups. I hate you had that experience. I wish you could have had a good experience with your pit. But I understand.
what my mother always did sm
she sent us outside with disposable tshirts, to suck the goodies out of the pomegranetes. very staining and nasty for kids clothing, but delicious. it was a ritual.
I'm with the other mother...
If you don't like your grandkids, don't baby sit. I have a child, whom I think is wonderful. I resent anyone telling me that I am not parenting the way they would. You raised your kids and it is time to let your daughter do the same. I am sure that she is not trying to ruin her children. How would you have felt if this criticism were coming to you instead of from you?
when I became a mother
I put up with every single drop of crap until I became a mother. I could not stand up for myself, but I could stand up for my child.
But, it is something her mother is against and that is
having sex prior to being married. Her mother also was against teaching forms of birth control in the Alaska schools. Her mother would condone if others- I guess her daughter is an exception. There is no good reason now for a girl to get pregnant- too much birth control out there. Besides, what a way to start- neither kid has finished their education, no one has a job, shotgun wedding- if there is one, won't last. I guess Levi and Bristol could work with the guy's mother in her meth lab.
Our Mother
My mother has 4 daughters, 22 years between the first daughter and the last. Each time a daughter marries, the mother tries to come between the couple by getting the daughter to say bad things about the husband and leave him. She unfortunately has had two bad marriages herself, but is still married to the second husband despite his infidelities. With each marriage, the pressure is applied earlier to the daughter.
We are now on the marriage of the third daughter. She had been married for 90 days and the pressure is being applied pretty severely for her to leave her new husband and move back home with mother.
The first daughter has not spoken to mother for 14 years due to this compulsive behavior. The second daughter fell for it once and doesn't want to be divorced again, and is actually relieved there is another target.
Loyalty to mother is the only acceptable behavior. Daughter number two is not convinced daughter number three will be able to take the heat.
Anybody know about these things?
If I were the G-mother, I'd run away - very far
certifiably rubber-room material.
The obstetrician who delivered the letter should've done the world a favor, and surreptitiously tied her tubes.
This had to do with my mother but will just say
her nephew, her sister's son, was dyslexic when he was young. My mother from what I have been told, made fun of him, calling him retarded, etc. This cousin grew up to own his own company, build and invent things, had a brillant mind. He might not have been able to spell and/or learn his ABCs but the end result was someone of superior intelligence.
your mother
I have said it before and I will say it again. Your mother needs to handle your dad. She should feel guilty/responsible/etc. Not you. He isn't trying to get is milk for free. (pun intended), he wants your mom to take him back. This isn't even about you!
Son and mother's day
My son is nearly 40, has a very good IT computer job. He's never been good about remembering my birthday, mother's day or christmas. Usually his wife would cover for him, not always, but enough that I didn't usually say anything or complain if one of these occasions were missed. However, he and his wife have split up and now I realize that I don't even get a card or a phone call on any of these occasions! Nothing. In the past I had thought about "forgetting" his birthday once in a while, but now I am so mad that I feel like never sending him another card with money, etc. But then I think that he is still my son and just because he can't be bothered to call or send a card on my birthday, or on mother's day or at christmas that I should just let it go and not be a petty person and go ahead and continue with my remembrances.
Thoughts?
Son and Mother's Day
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I have a son (my youngest) who is the same way. He did not come over today. He called me this morning and talked 2 minutes. A couple of weeks ago, I fell and hurt my wrist (thought I broke it). My daughter called him and asked him if he could take me to the hospital. He said he and his girlfriend were out shopping and stuff, and he didn't have time to do it. I was so hurt. Thank goodness I only badly sprained my wrist, but that is beside the point. Once when I was younger, and I was helping a lady who had bone cancer, her husband told me about children "when they are young, they break your heart, and when they are grown, they step on it." I told myself "not my children. They would never forget about me." I understand what he was saying now.
As far as presents and cards on birthdays and such for children who don't remember you, I will not remember them. My daughter did not have much money to spend, but she bought me a humming bird feeder and some flip-flops, and she and her husband and children came over and spent the day with me. My oldest son bought me a hanging basket and spent the day with me. Them I will remember.
Mother's Day
You teach people how to treat you.
When I first got married, my husband would act like my birthday, mother's day, anything that had to do with me was a big problem for him. His excuse was that I was hard to buy for. So I told him what's good for me is good for him. I did not do anything for his birthday, Father's Day, etc for 1 year and he was really upset. We haven't had a problem since. Yesterday I received cards, candy, he made dinner for me and the kids cleaned up. It was a good day.
If things like this are important to you, you have to make it clear to your kids/husband. Otherwise, go on strike and quit doing for them for a while. They will get the message loud and clear.
Mother's day.
Mother's day has been a tough day for me for a long time, especially the last two. After 14 out of our 18 years of marriage, we tried for a baby. We had "unexplained infertility". 2 years ago, my uterus proapsed (nothing like wiping after peeing and feeling something at the vaginal opening, grabbing a mirror and going "darned, that looks like my cervix), most likely from lifting too many heavy objects from our many military moves. Silly as it may sound, I do consider myself Mommy to my 2 black and 1 fawn pug. Unfortunately, the gifts I get from them are piles of poo.  Pugs aren't cheap dogs but they have paid at least 100 fold with their antics, love, cuddling and sweetness.
BTW, adoption and in vitro were both out of the question. Hubby was in the military, and military pay is no way to get rich. I worked for a doctor and we all know how well they pay - ha ha. American adoption is around 50 grand. AFAIC, that is BUYING a baby with mainly the lawyer getting rich. I would have found the money for this had there not been the chance of the mother changing my mind (that happened to my cousins. I was way too emotionally fragile by this point). IVF is now up to about $20-25K for an 18% chance of conceiving. It just wasn't meant to be.
I got very depressed over this and started drinking a lot. I became an alcoholic. As many times as I should have died from alcohol poisoning or whatever (I didn't drink and drive - Hubby was at sea 77% of the time so there was no need to hide it), I'm still alive. I ended up in the hospital twice with alcoholic hepatitis and pancreatitis, also destroying my gallbladder. Thankfully, all of my liver enzymes are back to normal and my pancreas is okay. People often talk about how morphine and Demerol make you high. Well, I'm here to tell you that if you're in enough pain, it does not make you high, it just takes the edge off. If you think you may have a drinking problem, I am here, just E-mail me. We always say in A.A., if you're not sure you have a drinking problem, try controlled drinking for a few weeks. If you can stop at a couple of drinks, well, you're probably okay. If not, you probably need to seek help. There's nothing more powerful than 2 people trying to talk each other out of trying to take a drink. I do give out my phone number too for folks who think they have a drinking problem.
So, anyway, I want to wish all of the mothers out there, mothers of bio children, mothers of foster children, mothers of adopted children and mothers of pets a belated happy mother's day. I hope all of your dreams came true. My pain is lessening with time. My only true pain is my own mother. She put me thru a lot of pain. I got a nasty E-mail from her Sunday, apologizing for not getting back to her soon but that I had been working 7 days a week, 10-14 hour days because of OT. She vindictively commented that since I had been working so much, perhaps I should just staty home and rest. This was not a caring mother concerned for her daughter. This was a mother getting even. Trust me - I've dealt with it for 42 years now. My response? "Fine with me." I deleted any subsequent E-mails from her yesterday. My only sadness is my dad. He gets put in the middle of this. Thankfully, I do see a wonderful counselor. He told me I live with a lot of guilt, which I do. But after 42 years of verbal and emotional abuse, I have had enough. I chose to deal with it my drinking (I have been sober for many years), my sister chose to deal with it by overeating - she has now lost a significant amount of weight and I am so pround of her. I have nothing against overweight people, I just don't want to see her die young of heart disease or other ailments that plague people with excessive weight. She has 2 beautiful kids, one who got a full scholarschip to Ohio State and is majoring in engineering, taking all honors classes. My niece is 10. Once she is off to school, my sister said she is leaving Ohio. She has had enough of my mom too.
Anyway, seeing as how I was so destructive toward my body with the alcohol (I was brought down at age 33 with the alc. hepatitis and pancreatitis,, I know God has a purpose for me. At first, I cursed God. How dare he turn me into an alcoholic at the tender age of 33. I have met so many people at AA meetings who wish they had recovered earlier in life. Alcohol is a great time killer and I now bless God for sobering me up early. If there is one person I can help, I'm more than willing to do so.
Take care of yourselves and God bless you all! :-)
P.S. Sorry for the (as Stephen King puts it) diarrhea of the word processor.
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