I AGREE WITH BOTH SIDES . . .
Posted By: maam1 on 2007-05-26
In Reply to: And I would say to your post, WATCH out - Tina
I know these kids need attention, there are SO MANY needy kids out there, but you have to PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN. I have been in too many instances where the child manipulates and the parents see no wrong with what they do . . . it has been very hard to explain to my children why these kids are bad news. They can show a good front, get the sympathy and then BAM . . I have also learned from the past 12-1/2 years of being home with my children, that we cannot take care of everyone else's children . . been there done that. It's a sad, sad situation . . . and only getting worse.
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there are two sides
in my opinion, if you wrote him off because of a disagreement about money then YOU were/are wrong. i have basically already asked this and you have yet to respond.... have you ever owned up to your part of what has contributed to this dysfunction? it seems to me, from reading your posts, that you blame EVERYONE but YOURSELF for everything. dad was a deadbeat, son is ungrateful, daughter is spoiled... oh wait... i stand corrected. your hubby is absolutely wonderful.
you also mentioned above that you could not be happier with your life... well that is one very sad sad comment. i have a daughter and a son myself and i can't imagine my life being complete and happy without them in it.
2 sides to the story
First of all I think there's another option that neither you or your sister are seeing, home health aide. Look into it re: insurance etc. I can see where both of you are coming from. I don't know your sister's financial situation or how far she has to drive to see your father. I think that she probably feels she is working hard to earn her paid time off but if she has to use it all to take "everybody" to the doctor what will happen if she needs to go to the doctor herself or wants to take time off for a vacation or mental health day. You have to admit she has a point.
My advice would be not to alienate your sister. You are going to have to work together to take care of your father. I would arrange a time for both of you to sit with your father and lay out the facts. With little to no eyesight, he simply cannot live completely independently any longer. If he wants to stay at home then either hire a home health aide or a live-in caregiver or one of you would have to move in with him. Avoid the word nursing home and instead suggest an independent living facility where there is assistance with daily activities such as preparing meals. Be open and honest with each other. You have your own separate lives and not only do you not want your father to feel like he is a burden, you also do not want to feel burdened. With the cost of gas these days, your sister certainly has a valid point. As far as her popping to Wal-Mart and the mall, she could have perfectly viable reasons for going to Wal-Mart including grocery shopping or perhaps purchasing your father's medications there on their $4 plan. The mall may be her escape mechanism.
You both sound stressed out over this situation and you both need to take care of yourselves first and foremost before you can be expected to care for someone else. Good luck to both of you and remember that you both love each other and your father and only want the best for everyone.
There are several sides here, listen!
You had pain - you had suffering - you don't want to be alone. Set some rules, don't have any alcohol in the house at all. If anyone wants to visit at the holidays, they'll have to drink tea or coffee. That's what I do and barely anyone comes. So case closed as far as that goes. No one is saying you're a bad person, what they're saying is don't write your Mom and your Grandmom out of your life because you are punishing yourself. You are in the medical profession or associated with it. You know this goes on all th time in most families that will admit it. The posters who tell you to get over it mean well, they want you to have a family. You set the ground rules. Your OP said you want to forgive but cannot forget. You have gotten off the track here, read your OP again to yourself. Give them another chance with your rules, that's all people are trying to get across to you, according to your OP. Get back on track with the forgive thing and you will be happier. Just set the rules. Believe me, we've been there and just haven't posted what we've been through. Your story sounds familiar. There were no rules to protect children like there are now. You mom must have gotten the same treatment and her mom or they never would have done the behavior. Hate the sin and not the sinner is all anyone said here. They're just trying to shake you into reality before you spend a lonely holiday. If they don't keep their side of the bargain, then you have to tell them, not us. It's up to you, you asked for opinions and you may not like what you got, but you asked and people answered. God bless you and your son. Try to have a happy family holiday if you can.
And there needs to be "respect" on both sides. Neither should be "serving" the other! Yo
s
You are cracking my sides, these posts
are soooooo funny, not the BF nut but the others. Thanks for the laughs.
This is a hard topic for me - I see both sides (sm)
I have had prayers answered, but I have seen such suffering too and I know those people have cried out for help. You can always ask, but you never know if it is going to be God's will to solve the problem for you or not. I don't see how you can have blind faith that your problem will be solved when not all problems that are prayed about are solved.
Good reminder about the two sides SM
I'm not condoning the animal kicking; it's wrong and there's no two ways around it, although I have to admit that when I have been trying to go in or out of the door without coming under siege by the dogs, my foot has swung- not hard enough to do any damage whatsoever but enough that it clears a path- but my dogs are small and low to the ground so the arm or shoulder that I might use to push past my big dog converts to a foot or a leg to move the little guys.
That being said, what I'm hearing as an undercurrent is that you live either in a rural or semi-rural area, and you have decided you want to move to the 'burbs and have convinced the kids that they want to move to the 'burbs, and everybody is nagging at your husband to get them out of the wasteland he calls a home and move them to the civilization of the 'burbs. Much like the rest of the animal kingdom, backing a man into a corner is going to bring about a reaction, and the whole overboard on the hunting thing may be him thumbing his nose at your suburban ideal.
Also, there are a lot of people who when they recently get into a new hobby or past-time go just a bit overboard. I myself have about 300 jigsaws down in the basement from when I thought that would be fun (only about 50 of them ever completed). My son has a collection of stuff from his martial arts phase that now sit in the back of his closet. My ex has owner's manuals and extra light bulbs and a million parts for that period when he was restoring his 1950s pickup truck. And I won't even talk about all the crap I have from various crafts I decided I was going to take up at a given time.
If you're looking for a reason to dump him and move to the suburbs, I guess his hunting is as good a reason as any. But obviously, at least to me, there are other issues, and I agree that if you want to save this marriage, counseling is the way to go.
I've dealt with this on both sides.
I have 3 boys. My oldest son is very giving and caring (sounds like your daughter). He's been bullied a few times. Different responses apply to each individual bully. Some bullies can be dealt with best by the school or their parents. These are usually the kids who come from good homes and their parents don't always know what happens when they're not around. I generally deal with the parents if they're level-headed. If not, I go straight to the school.
Other bullies come from parents who don't give a darn what they do. These kids are the hardest to deal with. I have had to face these bullies myself. I flat out told them if they continue to pick on my son or bully him, I will call the police and they will be dealt with as a juvenile deliquent. This seemed to stop things pretty quick. I also followed that up with the letting school know what was going on because I had a feeling the child might pick on my son when I'm not there. The school was great about this and were well aware of this bully's behavior. It alerted them to keep a closer watch on my son at recess when this kid was around.
The other side of the fence is my 7-year-old son. I had gotten a call from his teacher early in the school year that he was bullying a couple of smaller kids. My son had a late birthday, so I held him for kindergarten, making him a year older than most of his peers. There didn't seem to be any problem in kindergarten, but by first grade, he realized that he was bigger than most and could use this to his advantage. From that first call I got from his teacher, I made it very clear to him that I would not tolerate bullying from him. I also told him the school would be watching him and if I hear any reports of him bullying others, I would punish him at home as well. Other than a few minor kid things, he's been pretty great. I even explained to him that because he was bigger than the little kids, he needed to protect them and watch over them like a big brother. He's come home a couple of times and told me how some older kids were picking on his friends and he stepped up and told them to knock it off. I was very proud of him and needless to say, he has a lot of "girlfriends" now.
My point here is that not all parents know what their kids are like outside of the home. It's very possible this girl's mother had no idea. Unfortunately, she was already hurt and angry when you talked to her and it probably didn't help things. I would suggest sticking with the teacher from now on with this one, and in the future, bring any problems immediately to the teacher's attention or the parents (depending on their temperament and how well you know them). Most importantly, I have also taught my children to stand up for themselves, use a firm voice, but walk away if it's just words and we'll deal with it together. The only time I allow my children to hit is if they're being physically hit and the other child won't stop. Our school has a zero tolerance for fighting, and it just wouldn't be worth getting expelled otherwise.
Hang in there. She's only 8 -- the really bullying starts in the teen years (I'm remembering mine), not being popular enough or having money or wearing cool clothes or being too smart or not thin enough. It goes on and on. In that case, I'm glad I have boys. They get less catty as they get older (I hope).
I've lived it, both sides and it goes both
I've been on both sides and I have seen stepchildren thrown in the middle, guilty parents on both sides. I have seen the new single mom (now married mom) want her husband all for herself and act SHOCKED when she realizes she can't have him all for herself...it's not always a fairytale ending. It does sound like the child is playing her and it's obvious why, but I witnessed first hand a grown woman manipulate her stepchildren and husband, until she had both turned against her. Instead of expecting all the attention, perhaps your time would be better spent with your stepson NOT expecting anything from your husband, since you're not getting it, it sounds but instead, go out of your way to give him attention. Take him somewhere just the two of you and eat at his favorite fast food place, go to the zoo, something without dad. When he has to depend on just you and dad isn't there for comparison and pity, you might see an improvement for the better.
My child has been on both sides of that fence (sm)
He has been bullied before but he has gotten really good at standing up for himself. I literally have given him comebacks that he can use if he is being verbally bullied, and have told him that while he is never allowed to start a fight he is always allowed to defend himself and even though he may get in trouble at school, he will not be in trouble at home.
One time last year (fifth grade) he was verbally bullying a boy in his class. He said some pretty mean things. I got the phone number to the boy's house through a mutual friend, called, and then too my son to the boy's house to apologize in person, in front of the boy's parents. We talked for a long time beforehand about how the boy must feel to have to go to school and have someone say things like that to him, role-playing such as "how would you feel if that was you" sort of thing. He also lost computer priveleges for a week. He has never bullied anyone else.
However, he did kick a boy in the shin earlier this year when the boy hit him and said he was going to beat him up. My son is strong but doesn't like to fight. I think all kids should be able defend themselves if needed though.
Breakfast casserole sides.
1. Biscuits with assorted jams and preserves, perhaps a sausage gravy boat.
2. Baked cheese grits or fried grits.
3. Cinnamon rolls/assorted pastries.
4. Blueberry or orange-cranberry muffins.
5. Hash browns or potatoes O'Brien.
6. Sausage patties.
Wow! Such anger at differing sides of opinions!--sm
I don't want to change the subject here, but personally, I do not appreciate the cigarette smokers out there either, at malls, at restaurants, or even adjoinging apartments where I live and throwing their cigarette butts *in my space*, and having to smell that sickening smell coming in my patio door while they smoke, but there is little I can do to stop them. I just have to tolerate it, as it is their choice to want to die of lung cancer, etc. TOLERANCE is the word, I suppose, for the rights of others and we all should respect that. Personally, I wouldn't care if an animal were allowed inside a store. I love animals, too, and they do not cause cancer and induce second hand smoke into my space. How is an animal inflicting on anyone elses rights? I do not understand such anger and vehemence at this subject. My goodness!
Yep! Sounds like TMJ. I wake up with the sides of my tongue...
sore because my jaw clamps down on my tongue and sores on my cheeks from biting them. I would also have an aching jaw for weeks at a time that required mountains of Motrin and muscle relaxers. I finally went to the dentist and now have an acrylic mouthguard I wear at night. I hated it at first, but boy does my jaw feel better. No more aching, no more trouble chewing, no more sores on my cheeks and tongue! Cost me $300 for the mouthguard cause my insurance wouldn't pay, but it was worth every penny!
Go to your dentist!
My SIL fringed all the sides and didn't leave
an opening, although for young ones I really like the idea of sort of sleeping bag. You can buy fleece in all sizes so then you can decide how big you want to make it. My SIL made one for her 6Ɖ hubby so when he is on the couch he is completely covered up. BTW, I think they are beautiful and would live anything my MIL made for me. Well, she once made me a cake with rasins in it....very allergic so couldn't even pretend to like it.
My problem is our kids are the only grandkids on both sides....
so both sets of grandparents spoil them rotten...
100% English, all sides of family, all members. nm
x
What an awesome post! I agree, agree, agree completely with you.
 You are right on the money in my book! 
I agree, try to live in another country, then you will also agree...nm
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absolutement! Agree! Agree! Agree!
Why is it so hard to understand this? HMOs are just middlemen who get everything balled up and costly!
I agree with you - not judging either but agree (nm)
:)
and I agree with you *nn* -
I agree......
I agree with everyone's reply here. Also--one more thing...DO NOT TOUCH THE RADIO/CD PLAYER WHILE DRIVING!! It was 17 years ago that one of my best friends was killed this way-very responsible girl, just did not think for that one moment.
I was a responsible teen, but my parents set strict rules on my driving. At the time, I did not understand but now that I have a 10-year-old son who keeps reminding me each year that he will be driving in __ years, I understand completely. If it were an option for us, I would keep my kids babies forever.
Another thing you can do, just to maybe ease your mind about driving is take her to the local police department and have them to show actual footage of accidents. I know that sounds pretty harsh, but it has saved a lot of kids lives in my surrounding area.
Hope this helps!!
wow - I sure do agree with you!!....sm
I would rather them be locked in a car driving than strolling or walking alone - In Florida - we have had MANY YOUNG KIDS killed (murder) by being alone walking to and from school. My children are VERY responsible and pay for everything, except that car insurance (which is wayyyyyyyyy too much) which I offered to pay until age 28. By the age of 28, they'll be earning more $$. My OLD brother (and he's very old *LOL*) did this for his son until age 28 (think he's about 38 now) because of the exhorbitant insurance rates. I decided to follow suit. If we have it, why shouldn't we help them. I'd rather help my children while I'M ALIVE AND KICKING rather than what they get when I die, IF there is anything to get *LOL*
Y'all have a GREAT day!
Remember, we can all agree to disagree without being nasty and rude.
and I so agree with you!!!.....sm
One of my children saved all the Xmas/holiday/birthday $$ ever received from toddler-hood so that at 17 had $6000+ and put it down on a BRAND NEW SMALL CAR, albeit I had to co-sign the balance. Child did pay the rest off. I too am very proud of the children who are young still, one has worked for 10 years already (started off part-time at about 14 after school by own choice).
Yep, I want kids to hang out in multiple numbers today - never walking alone - too many CREEPS out there in the USA today and they are EVERYWHERE....really creepy to me.........
Let's sing out for the responsible good kids who are out there trying to live life in this messed-up world!!!!
HOORAY FOR THE CHILDREN!!!! They are our future and if we don't back them, well then we are up the creek without a paddle, right? 
I agree...
Don't be too quick to judge! Last I knew car seats can be moved from one car to another! It's so sad that a few rotten apples out there ruin it for the people who really need the help! Hope you are never in a situation where you may need a little help.
I agree
Hey, Chillie, I love what you said. It's time somebody did. All this political correctness crap is getting to the point where it really offends me. And I'm SOMEBODY, TOO!!! Thanks.
It all goes to what you agree to when you take the job
If you take the job knowing that it involves working the holiday or the night of or the night before then it is your obligation to do so. That is the way of this trade. Then the days following the holiday we are "dead" and everyone is yelling for work. Kind of like the hospitals, the police, the fire department, the stores half the time -- we all know what is expected when we accept the job. If you knew that it was expected of you when you said yes -- then I think it is your obligation to work. If you have your own accounts or are an IC then you have the right to say no but don't complain when nothing comes your way the day or two after the holoidays. I chose to have my own accounts and some are open the day after Thanksgiving and so what I pick up on late Weds has to be back by early Friday and so somwhere in that timeframe I have to get it done. I might have a few more hours to do it but also have a family and life so will squeeze it in. Then Friday I will have what was dictated on Weds and have to work on over the weekend. So you see you are not alone but this has been the way since I have been doing this, close to 20+ years. Before that when I worked in office/clinics we were never closed for the Friday after Thanksgiving, saw patients until 6 on Weds, back at 8 on Friday. Anway got things to do. Patti
I agree
I was in management also and I was lucky in that there were only a certain few MTs that were very stubborn about not working holidays or flat out refused. Most were willing to compromise, maybe do one major holiday and have off the other, or even put in a few hours of their choice. It is those who refuse to work all holidays that can mess things up for everyone. For if everyone refused, what then? I guess it would then have to become mandatory???? Exactly!
I agree with you...
Even if the story you were told is true, there's still something not right about the situation. Best to make sure your daughter's not in any danger, I'd do the same thing! Good luck...I feel for the other family though...how hard would that be?
I agree...
My husband is far from dispensable! He's my best friend too. He's a wonderful father, husband, son, brother, everything! We've been married for almost 20 years and I love and need him more today than I did in the beginning. Men are getting an unfair wrap here...although I completely sympathize with the OP. That's her situation, though, not every marriage comes down to that.
Like I said before (and my post was deleted for some reason) I am looking forward to growing old with my husband...raising grandchildren...hopefully finally getting to travel. I do believe the best has yet to come for us!
I 100% agree.
x
I agree
My friend and I went on a sugar free diet - it lasted 2 days. After numerous trips to the restroom, we both finally came to the conclusion that it was the sugar substitutes. Go for Splenda... After removing sugar substitues we had no more problems.
I agree and not only that - what about the
actions speak louder than words - if he wasn't guilty he would've stuck around..........would have had nothing to run from if he was innocent......and that's another thing - in the case, he was NOT found NOT GUILTY - he was found innocent by a reasonable doubt....(pssst - cause he's still guilty)...LOL
if it looks like a horse, smells like a horse, acts like a horse, it is not a swan!
RIP Ron and Nicole......
I agree sm
If you take hungry men a meal of sand covered with some cheese, they are gonna say it is great. It was very funny to me too. I am a country fair blue ribbon winner. Of course they are not gonna say this tastes awful. I make the best blue ribbon potato salad. I mean really, if you take hungry men anything, they are not gonna tell your husband it was mediocore, hungry men will eat almost anything.
I agree with you...
Your original intention was to "feel" out how others felt about your situation. You never argued with anyone who replied earlier with anything but thanks. Log off now, and forget about the rants and raves. I hope you have a good evening.
I agree
I have never been big on that with my kids, never felt comfortable with it even when they were much younger. As ridiculous as it may sound, I can remember finding out there was no Santa and I was incredibly upset that my parents lied to me. Christmas is not about Santa. Still bugs me. haha.
I don't agree with your vet.
When I finally saw my dog going through a partial seizure, she was definitely scared and in pain. Afterwards she almost stopped breathing. Hers were caused by a tumor, but in a young dog like yours, it is almost certainly epilepsy. I have a friend whose dog has epilepsy with terrible seizures, and now he's on medication and only has 1 seizure a month. They are all much happier. If I were you I'd change vets because I'd be worried the seizures were causing brain damage.
I agree, but...
not everyone can multitask. Fortunately, it is nice to be able to simultaneously do laundry and type at the same time. No one should be sitting in front of a PC for 8 hours straight. You have to get up and stretch, so why not switch the clothes from washer to dryer, or catch the news or have a cup of tea for a few minutes. If you were inhouse, you would be at the water cooler. Working at home is a privilege, but even people who work inhouse take advantage. I have seen where fellow employees are taking personal phone calls, balancing their checkbook, making appointments, asking others opinions regarding personal issues, etc. Lighten up!!!! You will either be diligent or not off-site or not... No one can type and clean at the same time, but it sure makes it easier to dust your living room, and then go type for a while.... Oh my! That is why I love this board!
I agree
For the first year or two I went to an accountant he was very helpful. But then after I realized that I was doing 80% of his work for him and I do understand taxes quite well, I bought Turbo Tax and for the past 10 to 12 years have used Turbo Tax. You have to figure out how much sq ft your office is versus your house to find the percentage you get to take off for mortgage payment. utilities, etc. Also he will let you know what the pros and cons are for depreciating your home. Since I figure on dying here -- and not in the near future -- I have been using the depreciation. If you use your car for any mileage related to your business, supplies, delivering, banking you can take that off. Ask him about setting up a SEP fund -- self employment pension fund -- even if you only contribute 5 to 10% that helps to bring down what you pay SSN, every dollar helps. Good luck, once he does it for you then you can use last year guidelines for how to do it.
I agree 100%
I also suffered from HPV and had to endure 4 colposcopies as well as a LEEP procedure. If this had been available when I was younger, I would have gotten the vaccine. There is always risk to these types of things and it is a matter of personal preferance as to what you choose to do.
I agree. sm
And it was even worse in the days of pay toilets what we had to endure.
I remember sitting there broken heated.
Paid a dime and only farted.
I agree as with the others
Definitely don't get tempted on the business trip, and if he wants you he needs to get rid of the other one.
It is really easy to cheat on a business trip and come home to the wife/steady girlfriend like nothing happened (for some anyway).
I agree with everyone here and I have --sm
been in your shoes too, in the past. Only thing is that I was not mature enough way back then to keep business separate from *high school feelings* and the only one that got hurt was me. I felt not so bright in the head, and *cheap* afterwards.
He is still in his present relationship for a reason and since it seems so easy for this man to forget that, I would stay WAY clear of him! (gotten smarter in my old age). IF he leaves his present girlfriend, which I seriously doubt, then MAYBE, but also keep in mind that he was willing to step out of bounds on that relationship to see what could be done with you, and I would almost bet this is not the first time, so if things ever got serious between the two of you....how easy would it be for him to do it to you after 7 years or so?
It just seems so easy for a man to change his life like he changes his pants every day with no qualms about who he hurts in the process. Keep your dignity...don't do it. Just my 2 cents. good luck to you!
Agree with you
A lot of teens are going to have sex before marriage. My 17-year-old daughter came to me last fall about wanting to go on the pill. She is in her first serious relationship, so I took her. I had a pregnancy scare in high school and it was not fun and I was very honest with her about that.
My daughter is not getting the vaccine because it is too new and I don't think anyone knows the long-term problems that could come from it. Hopefully by the time my daughter is having this discussion with her daughter, it will either have been proven safe or pulled off the market, but my daughter is not going to be a guinea pig.
I so agree!!!.......................nm
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I agree.
A broken heart can kill you, if not dramatically reduce your zest for life. I know a woman whose teenage son died of suicide. She still visits his grave everyday. This has been over 12 years ago. She said if it was not for her other other, she would have died.
Yes. I agree. nm
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And I agree with you...he's no....sm
He's no Judge Judy or Judge Millian (Marilyn) or Judge Mathis or any of them.....he seems to be merely an ATTENTION SEEKER.
Judge (*and I use the term JUDGE loosely here*) Larry Seidlin is a 3-ring-circus unto himself with his one-liners and cliches...remember folks, he is a former cabdriver in Bronx, NY and is exactly what he *sounds* like in the courtroom....chastising the attorneys, calling them/addressing them by state , i.e., *Texas...sit down*....or things to that effect...and yet taking every single momentary opportunity to push his OWN agenda, and what I mean by that is HOGGING THE SPOTLIGHT and CAMERAS!!! He's nauseating!!! 
So, Irish Mom....GMTA (great minds think alike) !!! 
I agree
I think she purposely wanted to be buried as far away from her mother as possible and also keep Daniel away from her - can't say I blame her after everything I heard about her upbringing. The reality is in my opinion than Anna Nicole is already with her son now somewhere in spirit. The bodies are just empty shells.
yes jen, i agree
do not want husband/girlfriend in the same pkg. well put.
I agree with that too...yuk! gag! nm
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