I've used Donna's method

Finally have my 14 year old trained - but he had to go without birthday presents or Christmas presents from me last year before the light would dawn.  No amount of preaching about my feelings, lectures about reciprocating good wishes (even IF one has no money to shop for gifts - a phone call or card will NOT bankrupt anyone!!!!), or anger could get through to him.  No amount of pointing out people he knows who whine that "nobody remembers their special day" that do nothing for others on their day seemed to matter.  But the golden rule did - and he realized that he DOES want to receive something from ME, so I better receive something from HIM.

His 31 year old sibling cannot and will not see the light, and continues to moan that nobody cares on x-mas or birthday; forgetting all the years that presents were received and were not even acknowledged, much less any gratitude expressed or reciprocated.  Guess that person is doomed to a lifetime of lonely special days.

OP, your husband sounds like an entitled, lazy turd.  Its not your job to be his secretary, or remind him he has a mother.  Good grief, if he can't remember THAT on his OWN, he deserves whatever the fallout will be.  I sincerely hope on his next birthday she "forgets" him in return.  As for father's day - ask him why hasn't he reminded you to call your dad, and why hasn't he gone shopping for a present for your dad for YOU?  Maybe then he'll see how stupid and ridiculous that is.

• Mother's Day - Late late late.
  • I asked a very simple gift for Mother's Day, should have saved my breath - All but forgotten
  • You have every right to be upset....sm - curious girl
    • He doesn't literally have 2 different ....sm - curious girl
  • I agree with Donna below... - also forgotten
  • I would also be upset, - momto4
  • Response - Pink Ice
    • Mother's Day Treatment - Donna
      • I've used Donna's method - with mixed results
        • I guess I have always looked at this a little differently.....sm - m
          • Giving freely but never getting back - is a bum deal
            • I would definitely stop this expensive gifts, but - .-
              • gave child up for adoption in 70's - reunited 6 years ago

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You first have an obligation to your son to teach him how to be a man!  You are not raising a child.

I would have a talk with your ex-husband who apparently has figured out how to treat a woman and have him talk with your son.  But most importantly, it has to come from you that you are special also and deserve recognition.  So many women will tolerate this and it is not acceptable. 

I would also have a serious talk with your current husband about his job as a husband, friend, lover.... but also his obligation as a role model to your son as he is the man in the house and he should have done something, made a card, cooked you diner, did the dishes and in front of your son, explained why...  *Lets do the dishes for Mom because it is her day!* 

I feel very strongly that raising a boy to be a man in these times is very hard, respect, love, tenderness, concern, compassion, understanding, kindness.... these are all things not being taught to our young boys. 

Many, many times I will walk into a store and a young man will walk in right in front of me and not hold the door.  I always follow the young man in and make mention of the fact that he should hold the door for a lady, children, or the elderly.  Yes, sometimes they take offense to this but I do not care.  Someone has to enlighten them.

Good luck to you Mom, and do not forget to call that ex-husband on Father's Day!

How do ya feel about cats?  That's what I'd do...get a cat...but I love cats and love it when they bring me 'presents' of dead varmints. 

If that's not an option, and you're not comfortable with baiting, glue traps, or that sort of thing, it'd be worth it to hire a professional 'cridder ridder' or exterminator.  Those things will chew up your walls and floorboards like you have no idea and cause incredible amounts of damage.  Good luck in your jihad! 

I've done that along with changing my diet but still no relief.  I just received an e-mail saying to try vitamin E which is what I am going to try next.

Thanks a bunch.....

where to I go to do this, remove IE7 and reinstall IE6.

TIA

I understand.  For 17 years I dealt with this, always feeling like I was never doing enough, if only I could do more then maybe....  I became very ill myself because of it.  I had no life of my own, -- I lived for the next crisis, just like you -- and no one could understand, not even my doctor.  I didn't find peace until I took the burden off my shoulders and put it on His--until I realized I had a responsibililty to God for my own life and I was losing my life, my freedom to find His Will for me and do it, to someone else's addiction.  In this case, it was my mothers's.  She was there night and day as well, no escaping.  I gave up my outside job and worked from home too.  I finally had to move in order to remain sane and THEN other family members had to start doing their share of helping out while I tried to regain some sense of self. It wasn't until then that she even got a clue that I had a right to my own life. 

Your daughter, loved though she be, is robbing you of your life.  That is not right.  But I don't know of a stronger bond than that between a mother and a daughter no matter what problem may arise.   One can never really walk away, forget it, etc. like so many will tell you to do.  Inside, that bond lives strong.  All you can do is find a way to deal with it, a way that is fair to you, healthy for you, a way that will keep you strong or else she will take you down with her. 

For me, it was distancing myself physically and praying for her.  I realized for all my love of her, only He could make the changes in her, and He did once I acknowledged how true the words are, "Without Me, you can do nothing."  Now I pray for and expect miracles if it so be His Will when I have problems I cannot resolve.  It brings great peace and strength -- and HOPE because I've seen first-hand how prayer made with faith truly does bring them and I don't feel like I am carrying the burden all by myself anymore and then I accept whatever He lets happen, realizing He in His wisdom knows more than I.   

Talk to a therapist -- tell them what you've just written here.  Again, they might have access to resources you don't know about.  If their advice sounds harsh, and it probably will, listen anyway.  Consider it.  Your life DOES matter too.  But don't ever lose hope in God.  Ask for the strength and courage to do what must be done for the sake of the both of you and grace for her to change.  Nothing is impossible for Him to do.  Nothing. 

Have you read the books by Melodie Beattie?  They help.  Feel free to e-mail me if you wish. 

4 times and my sons have done it once...They went through blazes in the south in high school with their long, patterned braided hair (they learned to braid themselves bkz I could never get it tight enough to suit them).  But, when ridiculed by their coaches, school administration and teaching staff they replied, "Cause we want to donate to Locks of Love like mom, and it's hard to get a good grade of black hair...It's not just white kids that get cancer".  Cat

I have been in your shoes.  Last year my husband died unexpectedly at age 56, I literally woke up one morning and he was dead in our bed next to me (aneurysm).  That started a downhill spiral . . . . since then I've lost our home to foreclosure, my car has been repo'd, and I lost my job due to cuts at the hospital.  I can't begin to tell you how depressed I've been.  I've had to make some major changes as you can well imagine.  I am working now and starting to pull myself up out of the dark hole I've been in.

The poster above is right.  You need to see a doctor.  I found out that most major health systems have programs for those of us with no insurance and no money.  Call their financial offices and just tell them point blank you need to be seen and you have no insurance.  They will not refuse you.  I found a clinic near my house that is part of a large hospital.  I was able to see a doctor for a physical and get my annual Pap and mammogram done at no charge.  They gave me samples of my medications (I have asthma) for a few months until I had insurance again.  They prescribed an antidepressant which worked wonders and they gave me that as samples each month.

Move closer to your family.  You'd be surprised how supportive and helpful they can be.  My family has been supportive of all the decisions I've had to make and helped me through them.  Spend time with your grandchild, kids can make you feel so much better.  If you're not making much money, go sign up for assistance.  I did.  I didn't think I ever would, but I had no choice.  For just myself I was given 174.00 a month for food and it helped out tremendously.  I know it's hard, but you have worked all these years and you have paid into these programs all along, now is the time for you to benefit from them.  You may be hesitant to take free medical care or ask for food benefits, but remember THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY and you will get back on your feet.  It may take a while, but you will make it.  Good luck to you.

If you feel you have done everything to try to make it work, then you know what you need to do.  After leaving my ex and having two children, I received help for daycare.  I was able to obtain health insurance from where I was employed, so that did help.  Do not count on child support, as it was court ordered with mine, but he decided to go back to school and only work part-time and they can only garnish so much of one's wages by federal law.  I would sometimes receive $15 for two weeks.  He did end up catching up after he graduated though. 

Back then (15 years ago) they didn't have the different health plans offered by the state, but depending on where you live, here in Michigan they have MI-Child for those who qualify.  It is a great program.  $10 a month and everything is covered.  That would at least get your kids covered. 

You need to believe in yourself and set your mind to it.  It will be a rough road, but it is possible.

Best of luck to you. 

My cats just look at me and I know they're thinking, "that's okay.  I'll just wait until you're not around."

Plus I have a couple that actually like to play in water.  Go figure.